Chapter Title: Regrets
Series Title: Unlikely Brothers
POV: Dashen (Tannerlin is 15, Dashen is 21)
Chapter Summary: Tanner's school project results in difficult memories for Dashen and Colton.
Characters: Dashen Lesedi and Tannerlin Vai (Jedi), Virgil Colton
****NOTE: It's been a long while since I posted anything in this series, but I finally have returned to it for a bit. Finishing up some chapters I've had partially done, etc. So, for anything still interested...here ya go!
You know the confusion and dumbness that comes over your face when someone asks you an out-of-the-blue question and expects a legit answer? Yeah, well, I had that look when Tanner tossed this one at me.
"Dash, do you regret saving me?"
Left field anyone? Okay, I did manage to shake the perplexity off my face long enough to ask, "Where the hell did that come from?"
My brother scratched at his pallid brown hair that had been bleached lighter by the sun in recent weeks. It was long now, at least compared to when I first met him. The bangs, he'd grown out like mine – so they could hang over his eyes. The remainder of the mop was pulled back in a pony tail. I could see the brown eyes clear enough through the bangs though to know that this wasn't an off-the-wall question to him. There was actually a reason for it.
"Sorry. Home assignment for my Psych class. Miss Esher wants us to interview three family members and ask them about the regrets in their lives. Since I only have two family members – technically speaking – I got an exception on the three, but the assignment is still the same."
"Okay, fine, I'll play, but the school knows our crafted story, not the real one. I can't go blabbing all over your vid that you were/are a Jedi and you survived the Purge, and all that other stuff. You'd be sold out quick, and dead on the floor in a day. Sorry, had my share of dead brothers. Don't need another one."
There. Got that out of my system.
"A little extreme, Dash, huh? I know I'll have to place my words carefully, but for my own personal knowledge before I actually start recording…I was curious."
I sighed. You'd think at fifteen, Tanner would have figured by now that I didn't regret saving him and looking after him. If I had, I would have booted him out of my life a long time ago. I didn't need Jedi trouble six years ago. I don't need it now, but he's family. And you don't walk out on family. But there was a little part of me…for that first year…
"You really want the truth?"
Tanner nodded firmly. "I do."
"Do I regret it now? No. Not the least bit. Did I regret it way back when? Yes. Well, part of me did. A small part. For the first year mostly and a bit of the second."
"I didn't notice."
"I hide things well, remember? And it wasn't a constant thing, just a pang of regret every now and then…asking myself why I brought this tag-along with me. Why didn't I just send him on his way and we would both just do our own thing. I'd gotten used to being alone, although I never really enjoyed it. I guess that's what I'd say. Does that answer your question?"
I watched him for reaction. There wasn't much. Tanner had Jedi control when it came to facial expressions if needed, but this time I didn't think he was hiding anything. And I don't think he was all that shocked at my answer.
"So, should we start your project now? And can I finish cooking dinner while we do this?"
"Yes and yes. I just use my data pad to record. Okay, wait…should we make this look casual? Stop looking like you know the question is coming. It's supposed to be an improvisational thing."
"Fly casual?"
Tanner waited a few minutes until I was in the swing of cooking before he swung the assignment question at me that I expected, only phrased as 'Did I regret having to raise him after our dad died.' That was our story. I offered a good show on that one, but he caught me off guard on the follow up question.
"What one thing in your life do you regret the most?"
I stopped cooking and set the pan down. I didn't want to look at the data pad's blinking recording light. I didn't want to look at Tanner's face to answer that question, it would bring back too much. It always did. So, I picked the pan up again and continued moving. It was easier to stay unemotional that way.
"I regret not being able to save my…" I caught myself. I couldn't say 'my brother' even though it was true, but it wouldn't fly with our fabricated story. "…that I couldn't save my friend. Someone who was very close to me – he was like a brother – he got real sick and I couldn't help him. I regret not being smarter, not having the resources to save him." Finally, as I was remembering my true brother of blood, Kossi, I did look at Tanner, and into the process, into the recorder. "I regret it every day and I miss him every day. But you learn from your screw ups and I know that I'd never let that same thing happen again to anyone that I care about. I am more able now. I'm smarter and wiser in my own idiotic way. It won't happen again. Not ever." My eyes locked with Tanner's in understanding that if he ever got into life and death trouble as Kossi had, I'd do everything in my power to save him. And I would save him. Tanner's lips curled in a knowing smile and then I had to break the moment before I turned into an emotional heap on the floor. "And…The end. Okay, Mouse, go away now. Or you eat dry bread and drink warm water for dinner. Go harass Uncle Colton."
He wasn't our uncle, but he played one on class project holo vids. Again, this was part of our story for school purposes, and to keep eavesdropping eyes and ears from being too curious about Tanner's past, should they get too curious. Colton of course was a master criminal as well as being our boss and landlord. I followed Tanner out of our apartment, down the steps into the main house. Colton was relaxing with a lady friend on the couch, thankfully not engaged in anything that would require Tanner's vid to get nailed with a rating for mature audiences only. I laughed when he saw his youngest 'nephew' aiming a recording device at him.
"What the hell are you doing, boy?"
"Uncle Colton, I'm working on a home assignment for school. I need to ask you a question on vid to complete my assignment. Um, Aunt Marta...ah, she can wait in another room. This won't take long."
I mouthed a 'who?' at Tanner as I smiled stupidly. Nice improv there, kid. And then, triggered by the 'uncle' title, which we only ever used when necessary, Colton understood immediately that he should switch from unmentionable mode and into caring old man mode. A brief whisper to his lady friend/Aunt Marta and she vanished; then he stretched out on the couch to get comfortable…and to pose a bit. Yup. He actually posed. It's what he did.
"School, huh? We didn't sneak up on our uncles when I was in school. We knocked first."
I chimed in from the background. "But there's no door on the common room, Uncle Colton!"
His blond head turned to me and glared, "Shut up, Dashen."
"Uncle Colton," Tanner said, "Please I need to ask you two questions. First, do you regret not being more successful in your life?"
I cringed. Ouch. Then I giggled. Yes, twenty-one year olds can giggle, damn it. This was more of our story. 'Uncle Colton' was a tradesman, not a master criminal (with money coming out of his pant seams) as like Virgil Colton. He hadn't worked for this huge house he owned. No. He'd inherited it. This slice of the story pained him to no end….to have to admit the he was just a regular person. I thought it was funny. Hilarious actually. He didn't. But it worked for our fake story since although most people around town knew of Colton, but didn't actually know anything about him other than he was a big blonde headed mystery that lived in a gigantic house.
It also pained him to answer. "I…do regret not being more successful. I have worked hard though and am proud at what I've accomplished, though I strive to be more."
"Thanks, Uncle. And last question. What is your life's biggest regret?"
This one threw him a bit, though he was quicker to respond than I thought he'd be, catching my eyes in the process. "Biggest regret is that I was not as good a friend as I could have been when a child I knew lost his parents and his brother. I helped him, but I was wary about becoming too involved, not wanting to take on the parenting role at that time. The boy did okay on his own, but needed someone and I couldn't quite be that person, no matter how much it was needed. I regret my fear of becoming more involved in such an emotional issue."
Wow. Okay. Hadn't seen that one coming. And I never realized…I knew he was being honest. Otherwise he would have winked or smirked at me after the fact. Instead, Colton gave a slow blink and nodded.
Tanner wrapped up his shoot. "Thank you, Uncle."
Serious moment over, Colton reverted to his old self just before the vid clicked off. "Okay, the both of you, be gone now. I have things to do with…" Click! Whew. Shut down! Just in time. "Aunt Marta, you know. And…Marta? That's the best you could do? Boy, you can move objects with your mind and flick of the finger, but you can't come up with a fake name on the spot. Dash, I fault you for that. Lack of imaginative training. Do better. Now get the hell out!"
We cringed together and hauled butt up the stairs back our apartment. I echoed Colton's thoughts. "Marta? Come on, Tanner, you really can do better. Sounds like an old woman's name."
"Next time, you make it up."
"Next time? Oh no. No more digging into Dashen's past. No way, Mouse. We'll find you some fake family to lie for you if there's another of these types of assignments."
"Well, if you want to get technical about it, you are my fake family."
"You know what I mean, damn it."
Tanner pressed a few buttons on the data pad before setting it down on the table.
"You gonna let me see the finished product?"
"I will. I'll finish it up tomorrow. Do you think Colton was telling the truth about his regret in not helping you more?"
I shrugged. "Sounded like it. I didn't know. He was intimidating when I was a kid. One of those people that we were told to stay away from, but the one person that we all were curious about."
"That was Master Yoda at the Temple for me and my friends."
"The troll guy?"
"Yeah. But we couldn't call him that."
"I would hope not; at least not to his face."
Tanner smiled. "I have a regret too."
"I figured as much. Share?"
"Not saying goodbye to Master Ayden. I knew what he was doing when he hid me. Deep down, I knew what would happen. That he'd…I knew and I didn't say goodbye. Part of me held onto belief that everything would be okay and that if I didn't say it, then I'd see him again. It was stupid of me."
I shook my head. "Not really."
"Maybe I'll finish this up tonight," he said, picking up the data pad again.
I pushed it back down. "Or maybe you won't. Too much school makes Tanner a dull boy. Come on, I'm taking you out for dinner. Anywhere you want."
"Anywhere? How about…"
"No. Absolutely not. We are not going to that place that only sells kelp sandwiches. They're salty, soggy and taste like swamp."
"How'd you know I was going to say that place?"
"I know how your twisted little mind works, Tanner. I should have eliminated that place from the start. Anywhere else. Someplace with meat on the menu…and alcohol."
"I don't drink and I'm not of age."
"For me, Mr. Brilliant. For me. I can drown my regrets in ale and you can drown yours in baja juice or whatever the hell that orange stuff is that you drink."
"Should we invite Uncle Colton and Aunt Marta?"
I laughed. Had to. It was funny. Aunt Marta. If I ever had an actual aunt, I would hope she'd wander around the house a little less scantily clad than Aunt Marta did.
"You're a funny kid, Tanner. We'll visit with our Aunt Marta another time, right?"
Tanner laughed this time.
"We might regret that, Dash."
"I already do, Mouse. I already do. Let's go eat."
The End
