May
Dear Will,
School's out for the summer! I don't care how old I get; that feeling will not stop being amazing. The moment your last class of the year ends and you get to exhale. Granted, summer isn't as relaxing when you're an adult, but it's still refreshing.
Today was my first day of summer break. So, I went to the local beach. I went by myself. I brought a fantasy novel, set up my chair, and had a pleasant morning. I ventured into the water after lunch. I sat at the shore and allowed the waves to hit my body.
I stayed until after sunset. I was one of the last people there. I was the only person without anyone else, still at the beach. I felt at peace, as cliche as it sounds. There's nothing like a beach at sunset.
I thought about staying longer. However, all the families had left. The only people left were the couples. I'm sure I would've witnessed a proposal if I stayed longer. Everyone there made me think of you. They made me think of how we were so close to the first anniversary of you going missing.
So, I looked up local restaurants. I found the most affordable restaurant within walking distance. I treated myself to burgers, fries, and a chocolate milkshake. I don't know why I woke up and decided to treat myself today, but I'm glad I did.
I'm a horrible person. You're suffering, and I'm out here having a great day. Why do I assume you're suffering? You could've met a fantastic guy and said, "Let's leave our old lives behind and not tell anyone!" However, why would you do that to your mom and Jonathan? Why would you do that to Jane, Lucas, Dustin, and Max? Why would you do that to me?
You would never do that. You're not the kind of person to leave everyone you love behind. I'd still prefer to imagine that than what is probably going on. I don't want to face the truth. I don't like imagining you curled in the fetal position in some dingy basement.
I'm going to call Mom. I probably won't sleep in the apartment tonight. I don't want to be alone right now.
Love, your boyfriend,
Mike
