Chapter Title: Love
Series Title: Unlikely Brothers
POV: Dashen
Ages in this chapter: Tanner (16) Dashen (22)
Chapter Summary: The building where Tanner's life was forever changed is scheduled for destruction, so he says a final farewell.
The building was being torn down. Completely demolished to make way for who knew what. So, I knew he'd come here. One last time. One last memory. To where it had all ended...or begun, depending on your point of view.
The tiny hole in the wall was still there. I'd practically dragged him from it. Strangers then. Brothers now. So much changed for us both in this nauseating basement of this abandoned horrific place.
Tanner ran a hand over the rotted boards still hanging over the hole. The place where he'd been inches from death. The place where he had probably wanted to die.
Sitting on the floor now. In the exact spot where years ago, he'd said his final goodbye to the man who had been his master, teacher, friend, family. This was the spot where Jedi Master Ayden Yen had been slaughtered along with he rest of his party - minus one small boy - when the so called Jedi Purge had happened. Hundreds of them gunned down throughout the galaxy without warning. Outnumbered. Out-dueled. Overwhelmed. A few survived. Only one, other than my brother, that I knew.
I'd never cared much for Jedi. Truth be told I'd not had much interaction with them prior to Tannerlin Vai and Ben Kenobi. So many of my own problems I had. But this damned kid...
On the floor, in the dirt, where his world had ended, there was still remnants of old blood in this hellish place. Even now, years later. Yeah, this thing had needed to be burned to the ground a long time ago. Of course, that thought was my own as I observed my brother. Heartbroken all over again. He'd wanted me here, but not to interfere. Only as support.
I removed the small metal tumbler from my pocket, walked the few steps to him and set it down before moving away again. Tanner held the container tightly in one hand, moving his fingers methodically through the dirt with the other. With a cupped hand, he scooped some into the tumbler, sealed it tight and set it back down.
"It seems so long ago," he finally said, squatted on his knees with his head down, grief-stricken all over again. "But it seems like yesterday."
I knew the feeling. Some days it really did feel like yesterday that I'd lost my baby brother, Kossi. Other days it seemed like a decade. Years after, the loss was still so fresh...excruciating. Nightmares still happened. Emotional moments that no matter what I did, I couldn't prevent from happening.
Breaking me from sentiments, Tanner went on, voice cracking. "I remember every second of that time. Every word. Every gesture. Every feeling across our bond. The sudden emptiness of the bond when he died. It's been over seven years now...why does it still hurt so much, Dash?"
My soul ached so much for the kid. Then the damn tears started. Mine,
not his. Not his...not yet. I'd seen my own family suffer in the past. My parents dying. My little brother - whose last few agonizing hours in this life were forever imprinted into my soul - but I'd never shed tears for anyone other than them. Not until this kid came along. Sleeve up and across, I wiped the wetness from my face, trying to make at least a feeble attempt to be strong for him and to not totally fall apart.
I managed to pull myself together. For my brother. This day was about him and he needed me now.
On the floor with him, I sat close. Shoulders touching and he leaned toward me. "You know," he began profoundly, "I still get those days - not quite as many anymore - days where I feel I should've died with him. I don't know why I get those thoughts. He would have never wanted that. And...and then you'd be alone."
Alone, hell. I'd be dead. But he didn't need to know that.
"I just...miss him. Every day. Do you still cry for Kossi sometimes, Dash?"
"I do. You know I do." I said softly. "Nothing wrong with feeling like that, Mouse."
He shrugged against me. "I know. Maybe it'll never get completely better."
"That's okay too. Forgetting those that mean the most to you...it's not possible."
"I'll never forget Master Ayden."
"You know, you guys believe in all the magical Force stuff. Maybe one day you'll see him again, huh?" My arm wrapped around him.
"I think I will. One day. But not anytime soon. You need me too much."
I smiled through the stupid tears that refused to stop. No arguing with his logic. It was true. I did need him. Wasn't afraid to admit it. Not here. Not now. Not ever.
"I do."
Tanner sniffled away his own tears as he stuttered out another heartfelt goodbye to his master. These years on...and it still felt like yesterday. My eyes closed as I listened to his emotions. I floated back to those moments when I first pulled him from that hole in the wall. Skin and bones. Covered in filth. Eyes bloodshot from crying beyond dehydration. 'Mouse', I had called him. It's what he'd looked like then. At times like this, I still saw it in him. Sixteen years old, but seemingly much younger when buried in the past.
"I think we should go home, Dash."
I tugged him close. "You sure? We can stay longer if you need."
"I need...I need to move on. Don't I?"
"You've done that, Mouse. Just look at your life since that day."
"Maybe. But if I keep..."
"Uh uh. No." I stopped his thought. "Do not say, 'not if you keep remembering him'...you remember him because he was your family and you loved him. You think out there in that crazy-ass Force stuff you guys go on about, you think he's ever once stopped thinking about you?"
Tanner glanced up at me like I was insane. "What?"
"Look, if Ben's old dead Master can find his path to immortality, why can't other Jedi? You've no idea what's going out out there..." I waved my arm randomly in the air, hell if I knew where the 'Force' was or is or whatever. "Or there. Or even there." I kept pointing to different places in the air until Tanner snuffled a laugh under his breath.
"It's not like that, Dash. The Force is everywhere."
"Did I not just point to everywhere?"
"No, you just pointed to three places."
"Really, Tanner? And you are so missing the damn point. On purpose probably. My point was..."
There came a nod against my shoulder. "Yeah, I know. I get it. Maybe he's finding his way back like Master Qui-Gon did. Maybe he's still proud of me."
"Still? Mouse, if he's out there, somewhere..." I didn't point this time. "He never stopped being proud of you."
"It's a nice thought, Dash. Thank you. I would like to go home now."
I didn't ask if he was sure this time. He was. I knew.
With a pat to the arm, I helped him to his feet. The tumbler secured in his jacket pocket, his feet shuffled slowly - reluctantly? Heading to the exit.
One last look. One last physical memory.
"Such a horrible place," he said to me finally, eyes not moving from the last place where he saw his Master Ayden alive...then dead. "But there is love here too."
Damn it, I said inwardly, wiping at my eyes again. Only this kid would say such a thing. Think such a thing. Always finding that positive in the darkest places.
"Master Ayden loved me enough to save me." He said, now hopeful. "Then you found me. No, you didn't love me when you found me, I
was just a filthy broken boy then, but now you're my brother. I should remember the love and not the hate that resides here."
Patiently, I waited. Tanner said nothing else, but spent several minutes in some type of meditation breathing exercise. Looking for something, or just coming to terms with it all? Couldn't say. But when he finished, he looked much more relaxed and much more like his sixteen year old self than a lost little boy.
Moving now, he wrapped me in a quick hug before we exited the room.
"Thank you, Dash." Was all he said. I said nothing in response. It wasn't needed anyway.
I wrapped a brotherly arm around him as we walked from the basement. He didn't turn back again. Scheduled demolition was in two days. Tanner had finally come to terms with what this place was to him. It was tragedy. It was hate. It was loss. It was pain. But more than all of those perhaps, it was love. Being the positive spirit that my little brother was, he'd cling to that one with all his might.
"Let's go home, Mouse." I said softly, with him secured tightly in my arm. "Let's go home."
And we did.
END
