Chapter Title: To See Him Again
Series Title: Unlikely Brothers
Ages in this chapter: Tanner (12) and Dashen (18)
Chapter Summary: Precursor to the Chapter 47 - "Every Moment" - taking place 5 years prior to that chapter, before Master Ayden Yen goes into intense years-long training with Qui-Gon within the Force to learn how to speak and be seen by the living who have the ability to commune with those in the Force.
(Qui-Gon and and Ayden's 'Force' voices are in italics.)
Already exhausted from the effort, I floated to consciousness, pulling the Force tightly around me. It was warm. Comforting. My mind and body focused as one as I became aware. A presence next to me. An old friend found again.
"Qui-Gon." I panted. "This is exceedingly difficult."
"It took me years to perfect it and then more to take the next step to become corporeal. Patience, Ayden. It will come in time. Your focus was wandering. You needed a break from training, to give you the hope of what you are working towards. You wanted to see your apprentice. You speak of him often. Obi-Wan speaks highly of him and I have seen the life he's created since your passing. You will be proud of him. I believe it's time to show you before the most intense of your training begins."
"Just to see him again...". I was anxious. Emotional. The simple thought of seeing my apprentice once more. When I'd left him, he was just a small boy. Nine standard years. Barely two years an apprentice. An age exception made by the Council; the Force's pull to bond us was so extraordinarily strong between the boy and I after just one meeting. To
be taken as an apprentice so young, before the more average adolescent age wasn't unheard of, but it was very rare. When, in fact, the Force completely enveloped us both at the tail end of that first meeting, a light that was visible by the entire Council, Yoda especially thought it better to encourage that bond at that time rather than let it sit empty.
Now, he was twelve. Growing. Confident. And from all else I was told, well loved.
Apparently, from within the Force, we could be anywhere we wished, there were few limitations as long as you knew how to attain the control needed for such things. Qui-Gon took me to the planet Terra. The town of Kaolin. It's where my life had ended. Where I had been when the Jedi Purge happened. When Tannerlin's world changed forever.
Qui-Gon, on the other hand, knew the area for a different reason, having visited the planet several times during nearby missions in search of old paper books from a local shopkeeper in town.
It's where we found him busy browsing the same store that Qui-Gon had frequented.
Tannerlin Vai. My apprentice. My very world for two wonderful years. Rare was the occasion when I'd finished my day training with him or on a mission or watching him spar with his classmates, that I didn't feel a better person for it. Seeing him now...
He'd grown, but not tall. My padawan was always on the small side and remained so. His build was slight, skinny. Always skinny. He never ate much during our time together; that apparently had not changed.
As he turned toward me so I could see his face, I smiled, I cried.
Those pale brown eyes, so plain, but they always held such clarity and emotion.
His hair was longer, shoulder length, and like his eyes, still the same plain brown. And was that...
"Qui-Gon. He still has his padawan braid."
"He does. Obi-Wan said that it's the one visible part of his past that he absolutely refused to give up. He feared that if he ever cut it, it would sever his last tie to you. He follows your footsteps as his life will allow. His hair, grown to shoulder length, like you kept yours. He plans to be a teacher when he's older. Like you. He maintains as much of his training and principles as within reason, though he's far from perfect. He tries hard though, Ayden. Always with you in the back of his mind."
I heard Qui-Gon's words, but I couldn't look past the braid. I remembered so clearly that moment when I'd tied that first band around the twist of hair, intertwining it with strands of my own. Bonding us forever as master and apprentice.
That he had refused to let that part of his life go. That he refused to let me go. There is no emotion be damned. How could you not love such a child with all your heart and soul?
Another boy came up behind Tannerlin to ruffle his hair. Older. Green eyes. Black hair. Thin. Tall. He took the two books from Tannerlin's hands. I listened.
"Only two this time, little brother?"
"Yeah, but that just means I get to come back sooner next visit. Dec and I like to discuss the books we've both read. I know he's read that one there on top. I can't wait to read it so I can talk to him about it. We could spend all day going on about a really good fictional story."
"Whatever you say. You do live an exciting life, Mouse."
Mouse? Books? Little brother? I looked to Qui-Gon for answers.
"That's his brother. Dashen Lesedi. He's the one Obi-Wan told you about, who found Tannerlin inside the wall. Coaxed him out, got him healthy and in the process, they formed a family. Their story, to protect his identity as a Jedi, was brothers. That was three years ago. They're inseparable now."
"He reads books. Old paper ones. I gave him one not long before..."
"Apparently, the first time he visited this shop, he found a copy of that book you reference. Keeps it in his bedroom on his nightstand. And the nickname, 'Mouse'. Dashen gave it to him when he first tried to pull him from the wall. He was dirty and messy and small and scared. He wouldn't say his name, so Dashen called him Mouse. I guess it's what he resembled at the time."
I watched the pair pay the shopkeeper and my padawan gave the man a hug before he left. It was so very Tannerlin. He loved life and loved to try and make people feel good. That he'd befriended a shopkeeper when most probably just pass then man by, it made me proud that he hadn't lost that part of him despite the horrific past.
—-
When we next found the pair, they were entering a massive estate house. Visiting? Work? What was this? They didn't knock, but walked directly through the front door where a very large broad man with long pale blond hair stood with hands on hips. Tannerlin ran right into him. Dashen, in turn, ran into Tannerlin.
"Damn it, Tanner."
"Not my fault, Dash. You told me to go in the front door. I said we should go to our apartment entrance, but for some stupid reason, I listened to you when I know better..."
"You do indeed know better." That was the large man backing away from them and looking downward. "I know we've had this discussion oh, fifty times before? Listen to the little one, Dash, and for the love that is everything, stop coming in the front door, damn it."
The big man was firm, and for a split second, I worried. Then I saw the hint of a humor on his face. Qui-Gon came next to me. "That's Virgil Colton. Somewhat of a crime lord. Wealthy. Powerful. But underneath... I'll give you the details later, but one thing led to another and he ended up taking these boys under his wing. Or they forced themselves under the wing, depends on who tells the story. Dashen works for him. He pays for Tannerlin's schooling. They live in the upstairs apartment of the house. Their own place."
I'd lost track of Qui-Gon's words after 'crime lord.' "Qui-Gon wait, they live with a criminal?"
"Long story. The short answer is yes. But real answer is, don't worry. Colton runs a sizable criminal empire, Dashen is a runner for him. He moves items from place to place, or well, steals them. Some of them. Again, long story. This all goes back to Dashen's past. He lost a brother when he was young. A boy that was the world to him. He was lost, on the verge of taking his own life, he'd attempted it more than once. It's when he found Tannerlin. Colton had stepped in at some point to help hide them."
"A criminal helped to save a Jedi boy?"
"I would suggest that there is much more to Virgil Colton than criminal. One day you will see it all. These three, as strange as it would seem, have become a family. Colton masquerades as their uncle. They masquerade as brothers. The story is fake all around. But what's not fake is that they are a family now. Dashen would go to the ends of the galaxy for Tannerlin. Colton, despite his outward annoyed appearance would do the same for both. As Obi-Wan told you, Tannerlin is well loved."
Indeed he was. I felt a tinge of jealousy. That family, that was supposed to have been me. I was supposed to have trained him to Knighthood. We were to have many years together before and even after. An unbreakable bond formed. But I'd left him. Not voluntarily, but I had. Slaughtered before his eyes. My only regret as I had lay dying, was that I would never get to see my boy grow up and be part of his life forever.
But now...perhaps? Maybe I would be able to see and be those things. Just in a way I'd never expected.
"Qui-Gon, is it possible to miss a child even more now than I ever did before?"
"I think it is."
We watched the pair joke with this Colton person and him chase them off of his massive sitting couch. "Is there a reason you two are home so early? I thought you were going to visit Declar'Bin at his store?"
"We did, Colt. See? Two books. Dec says hi. Dash didn't want to go see Jayla after like he originally thought so we're home early."
"Jayla? Dashen, you idiot, I told you to stay away from her. She works for Rosina, who is always trying to get information from me."
Dashen shrugged at the big man. "Sorry, Colt. She's got this weird draw on me. I promise, no secrets. Just enjoying a little company outside my weirdo little family here. It's not always easy living with Jedi boy who likes to practice his magic stuff by tossing rocks at my head, and you and your criminally minded activities. I'm just an innocent kid mixed up in all this nonsense."
"You're an innocent nothing. And you're eighteen. Not a kid. Deal with what you've been given. If you spill anything meaningful to Jayla..."
"Yeah, yeah, I know. You'll disown me. Again. You do that a lot."
"I wouldn't have to if you weren't such an idiot."
"But I'm a lovable idiot."
"He is, Colt," Tanner chimed in. "You have to admit that."
"I have to admit nothing, and get the hell off my couch. It's like you've never heard me yell the rules at either of you, ever. Go on upstairs. I have work and no time to entertain you two. Get out."
I watched the two boys smile broadly and any uncertainty I had about this Colton fellow vanished. Yes, they were a strange group, an unorthodox trio, but whatever made it work, it worked.
—-
Upstairs, my apprentice and his new brother entered what was their apartment. Not all that unlike our shared Jedi quarters. Qui-Gon had me focus on Tannerlin's room and the trinkets and collection within. There was no clutter; items were instead carefully laid out in some type of meaningful order. It was very much him. Tannerlin had collected small items from each our missions together and brought them home to display in his own way. They all meant something to him. His room here was the same.
I closed my eyes tight at seeing the few items I knew well. An old book. A small stone. A few other items I would have had stored in my belt when on any mission. Tannerlin kept it all. There was a piece of brown cloth set carefully in a hand carved bowl. The bowl I didn't recognize, but the cloth appeared to be from the same fabric as our Jedi robes. I questioned Qui-Gon on what he knew.
"From what he's told Obi-Wan, it's a piece of your robe. When Dashen first found him, before he could get him to leave the basement and your dead body, Tannerlin asked him to tear a piece from your robe. It's one of those things he keeps close and clutches tight when he's had a bad day. A security blanket, I suppose. He also has your lightsaber. It's locked away, maybe in that small wooden chest there with his own. From what I gather, there was a small wood-stone he had as well. One that your brother gave to you?"
"I remember. My brother, Airic. Also a Jedi. When he and I were chosen on the same day, he gave me the wood-stone. I carried it with me always. But I don't see it there."
"Tannerlin gave it to Dashen the day they moved in here. Said it was for brothers. Dashen keeps it safe in his own room, on his own nightstand."
"Obi-Wan knows all of this?"
"Apparently, your padawan is quite the talker when he visits my padawan."
"That he kept all these things and he acknowledges them every day..."
"He thinks about you every day, Ayden. In some form or another. He may have found a family here, but he's connected to you forever."
Focusing out of the room and to the main living area of the apartment, I saw Tannerlin hard at work on a data-pad. Dashen set a cup of something in front of him.
"Homework?"
"Yeah, not too much though, and it's easy."
"What subject?"
"Zoology and Ethology. Animals and their behavior."
"Hey, your favorite subject. Does it have anything in there about that gundark that tried to chew my face off last month?"
"Dash, that wasn't a gundark. It was a tuskcat, and a baby one at that."
"A baby that was five feet at it's shoulder with claws the size of your head."
"You exaggerate, and this is the study of animals, not monsters."
"Animals hate me, so that makes them all monsters. Here, drink your tea. It's that weird sweet-spice stuff you love so much. I found it on my run to Cinder yesterday."
Watching, listening...I laughed. First time in a very long time and it was the best feeling. Qui-Gon smiled at me.
"An interesting pair, aren't they, Ayden?"
"It's like he hasn't changed at all, but at the same time he's changed so much."
"He's growing up."
"Animals were always his thing. Wherever we went, he'd study the animal life there and as much as he struggled with some Force exercises, animal kinship was where he excelled. Even taught me a few things. I see his...brother...sorry, it's very strange to say that...I see that his brother is the opposite."
"They appear to be opposite in about every way imaginable. That they are so attached to each other, it says a great deal."
"The reality that I won't see him again after this for years? It means a lot to know these things. Not that I can do anything for him, but he clearly has people that will."
Qui-Gon had told me that this travel within the Force would probably be a one time journey, at least for a while. I had a great deal of training to complete. Much studying to do. Information to digest that was worlds more difficult than what I had learned back in my days as an apprentice. It could be years before I saw Tannerlin again. It would be years before I had the ability to where I could speak with Obi-Wan, who was already trained in the ability to commune with Qui-Gon. I didn't know how long, or if ever, I would achieve the ability to reach that ghost-like form that my old friend had mastered. Qui-Gon said it took him ten years to reach that potential and that he only pushed himself to it so that Obi-Wan would not be forced to spend his exile on Tatooine completely alone.
Tannerlin was fortunate. Although I was physically gone from his life, he had this makeshift family; misfits in a way. At least from what Qui-Gon had described. Misfits that didn't belong to anyone, but they belonged to each other.
I ended my visitation with a final good night to my padawan. It was something we had always said to each at the end of each day, no matter where we were. It was also one more part of his brief time with me that Tannerlin was keeping alive.
Hurrying down the stairs, I heard him yell good night to that Colton fellow. Irritated the big man pretended to be, but I heard the warmth in his voice as he returned the evening parting.
Back up the stairs, his brother waited for him, handing him his data-pad on the way back to his bedroom. "You forget this thing again and I'm not bailing you out, Mouse. I've got work tomorrow."
"I didn't forget it, you hid it from me after I gently tossed it in your direction."
"You hurled it at me with your damn Force magic and it hit me in the eye. So, yes, I hid it after that. Not my fault you and that hocus-pocus crap couldn't locate it before school the next day."
"And yet you ended up bringing it to school for me."
"I did. I'm a sucker for you and those pathetically sad eyes. Here. Take it. I'm heading out early tomorrow on runs for Grunley. So, I won't see you until after school. Be good."
"I'm always good."
"Yeah, yeah, I know."
After a quick touch to that small piece of my robe on his nightstand, Tannerlin whispered quietly under his breath. "Goodnight, Master. I love you."
Our nightly routine. Even in death...he never let it go. Never let me go.
With that, Tannerlin jumped into his bed and curled under the covers to get warm. He hated being chilly in bed and always squirmed for a few minutes before finding that perfect temperature. Dashen flipped off the light.
"Goodnight, Dash. I love you."
"Love you back, little brother. Night."
My final view of my padawan was tucked into a warm bed, healthy, safe and loved. Maybe there was no such thing as magic in the galaxy, unless you were his brother Dashen, but this...this was magic for me.
"Goodnight, my Padawan." I said for a final time, not even bothering to wipe the flooding wetness streaming from my eyes. Apparently there is emotion...even from within the Force.
Qui-Gon nudged me to let him go.
"You'll see him again, Ayden. But I wanted you to find a this piece of contentment before you truly lose yourself in the training that is to come. I pushed myself very hard to find consciousness within the Force. Events were happening all around that I felt an obligation to at least try and stop. To do what I could for the Jedi, for Obi-Wan. I failed miserably, but in my rush, I took many wrong turns and made many mistakes in my own learning. For you, Tannerlin is here. He could be in no better hands - other than your own - at this point in his life. There is no rush. I have years to work with you, teach you, if you choose to be the student again."
"He's happy, Qui-Gon. He really is."
"Yet he misses you every day."
"One day I will speak with him again. One day, we will see each other again."
"I've no doubt, old friend, but as I used to try and instill in the hard head of my own padawan, keep your concentration on the here and now, where it belongs. Focus on today, not ten years from now."
"You are a wise man, Qui-Gon."
"I wish that were so. My mistakes were many, but this is where we are and this is what we can do for those that we sometimes failed, but who love us nonetheless."
"We were fortunate, weren't we? To have the padawans we did. Almost like it was meant to be."
"I believe it was, Ayden. That they've come together in a way; Obi-Wan and Tannerlin, it means something. What that is, the Force only knows, but one day long into the future, it will present itself. Until that time, you and I will train and learn. I will continue to see that Obi-Wan is not left to his own solitude. And your boy...Tannerlin. I trust he'll be all right until you see him again."
I thought about it. Tannerlin's life. Only twelve, but he'd been through it all. And yet here yet here he was. Strong and brave and determined to do his best no matter what came hurdling in his direction. Much like Obi-Wan, only in a much smaller and younger package. Perhaps those traits are why the Force drew them together in the first place.
"Promise you'll keep me updated through his visits with Obi-Wan in the coming years?"
"Oh, I don't think I could not stay updated. Obi-Wan's entire essence brightens when Tannerlin is around. Just that connection of being Jedi and knowing you're not the only one of your kind left in the galaxy. The day after Tannerlin and his brother leave Tatooine, I couldn't begin to keep Obi-Wan quiet. Those days are good days. I look forward to them."
"The Force at work?"
Qui-Gon's mouth twitched up in a grin as he motioned for me to release myself back into the netherworld of the Force. Many years of training lay ahead. I would miss Tannerlin dearly, but I was ready.
Eyes closed, bodies relaxed, minds settled.
A final thought as I drifted away from the conscious world; Tannerlin, happy and content, kidding with his brother, laughing, smiling...living the life that he deserved.
One day, I would see him again.
END
