Chapter Title: Self Pity
Series Title: Unlikely Brothers
POV: Dashen
Ages in this chapter: Tanner (12) Dashen (18)
Chapter Summary: After Dashen gets fired from a job, he spirals downward into a swirl of self pity.
"Hey Colt, what's up?"
Striding into Virgil Colton's impossibly giant living area and plopping myself onto his even more impossibly giant couch, I was in an annoying mood.
My booted feet found their way onto the monthly-cleaned very expensive and luxuriously soft cushions.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" That was Colton's initial response. He loved me, I know he did.
"Not a damn thing. How's things with you?"
"Boy, if you don't get your filthy feet off my couch."
"I know, I know, you'll kill me. Etcetera, etcetera." I moved my feet. The man did have murder in his eyes after all and I really had no need to die just yet. "Sometimes you are no fun at all."
"I am never any fun. What are you doing here? Why aren't you working?"
Yup, he was as annoyed as I was annoying. "I got fired."
"From what?"
I took a breath. Explanation ready. "First of all... not my fault. Just to be clear. My run today. Apparently, and no I did not know this, maybe you did and didn't bother to tell me, but apparently, Nerrus Leith has recently infringed on Rosina's territory. Or she's expanded and he didn't get the word. Who knows, I can't keep up with you guys and your criminal operations. But the job I had tonight was for Nerrus. That run was into territory that is either no longer his or was recently taken from him by Rosina. Their problem, not mine. My problem was no one told me any of this, so when I made the run for Nerrus, I was intercepted by Rosina's people. Treated rather badly, I might add. See this bruise on my arm? Nerrus caught wind and fired me. Now, how you get fired from doing a job in territory that is no longer yours? No idea. But I did. I lost the job. I lost the client. And... I lost a big pile of income. Oh and Rosina is insanely angry. Expect a call from her later. But again, not my fault. If you guys put flags up or something each time you steal territory from the other, it would be so very helpful. So, I'm here. Annoyed. Broke. Bored. Confused. A little bruised. Tanner home from school yet?"
Yup, that entire story ticked him off. His comm buzzed from the nearby table. He wasn't gonna be happy picking that up. But he did.
"Rosina. Yes. Right. No. It's not public knowledge, no. Then you and Nerrus should fight your battle, figure out your lines and then set your runners. Dashen was running for Nerrus. I know he did not know. You cost him a pay day. And that costs me money. No, damn it. Draw your own lines. Nerrus fired Dashen. No, he will not be running for you in that territory now that you claimed it. Yes, Nerrus is a weak opponent. Yes, you... no. Damn it, woman! You cant... gah! All right. We're done here."
And the comm clicked off. Colton was definitely not happy. Rosina always managed to somehow win their verbal battles. I actually found it quite entertaining. Not so much this evening, but in general.
"You're fired, Dashen." He told me bluntly.
"Yes, I said that."
"Rosina is planning a take over of Nerrus' entire territory. She expects to have it all within a week. She'll offer him a job or she'll tell him to get the hell out. So, there's that. Either way, you just lost a client."
I shrugged. What else could I do? I would have loved to kick my feet back on the giant couch, but Colton was ticked enough as it was.
"So, not my fault. I told you."
Colton scratched at his brow. "No, it's not. Not this time. Strange, but true. This may create some problems though. Rosina wants to expand. She knows better than than to move into my territory, but she's a lot stronger than she used to be. Hmm."
Hmm indeed. "So, Tanner home from school yet?"
"Yes, yes, some short, brown-haired torpedo blurred by me a while back. Something about he had a team homework assignment that was due tomorrow morning and he had no time to something or other... that's all I heard, he was moving so fast."
"Sounds like him. Okay, so I need work. Any jobs for me? I had Nerrus lined up all week. Now, I've got nothin'."
The deep breath Colton pulled in lasted far too long. His blond hair set back against the cushion. He was thinking. About me. Which of course was nothing but dangerous.
"My jobs are all filled. I didn't schedule you, because you were running for Nerrus, you idiot. Remember?"
"No, I conveniently forgot. Of course I know who I was working for this week, but as none of this is my fault - please continue to keep that in mind - now I'm free and I am your best runner. You could switch me off with Leena. She's been struggling lately. Got snagged by the locals on her last two jobs."
"She needs practice and removing her from simple jobs, is not how one gains practice. You'll just have to figure out how to be bored this week, on your own and in your apartment. Not here."
Now it was my turn to not be happy. I bored easily. And sitting around doing absolutely nothing - while my brother excelled in that skill and loved doing it - I had no patience for doing nothing for any extended period. I liked to be moving and serving a purpose, not sitting on my rear mind-thinking in my own head as Tanner enjoyed. This was going to be a very long week.
I tried one last time. "Colton, please. You know what happens to me when I get bored. Trouble finds me."
"No, you find trouble. Learn from your brother. Learn to take quiet time and make something of it. Get a hobby or something. Read. Go get drunk. I really don't care as long as you stay out of trouble and keep my name clean and stay off my damn couch."
He really had far too many attachment and possession issues where this couch was concerned. To be honest, it was a bit disturbing at times. But, ugh!
"Fine." I finally said, standing and heading for the stairs. "I'll go talk to Tanner."
"Good luck with that. Don't interfere with his school work, Dash, you know how he is about that."
I ignored Colton and wandered up the stairs, finding Tanner at the desk in his room, hands speedily working on some type of weird math as he had holo-calls of three different people pulled up on his desk. A four person team for the school project, I guessed. He looked happy and contented and there was something seriously wrong with him for that. Kids weren't supposed to love school like this one did. And as Colton said, I knew better than to interrupt him. But I did.
"Tanner, hey. What's goin' on?"
"Not now, Dash. Cijis, Tuan, Endres and I have only a few hours to finish this astrophysics project. Talk later."
"Can I help?"
Tanner laughed as he muted and blinded the holo-calls. He laughed. At me. Really? I should've expected it, but still. The lack of respect I was getting in this house right now was well below the usual. Even for me. I moved to stand next to my brother and promptly received a snack bar hurled at me with Force-speed, smacking me in just the wrong pace below the belt. "Ow! Damn it, Tanner."
He looked, he laughed. Again. "That was good, right?" His friends unmuted and visible again, he was careful to not say what exactly was good. He was always cautious to ears and eyes listening when he was on calls for school, lest his friends and schoolmates found out that he was a former Jedi. Who knows what they'd do, but once a single person outside our tiny circle knew, it was a crapshoot from there on.
I appreciated his caution, but not his improved Force ability, nor where he'd flung the damn snack bar at me.
"No, it was not good. It hurt! You know what? Forget you. Forget Colton. I'm off to get drunk. Maybe Jayla is free. She can usually drink me under a table, but it's been a bad day."
Tanner about ignored me, other than a 'have fun, Dash' and he turned his school-obsessed self back to his project.
So, I left. Jayla was busy. She wasn't unemployed like I was this week. Of course, she worked for Rosina and with all that extra territory the woman was about to confiscate, someone had to work it. Maybe I should consider... oh, no, bad thought. If Colton saw me working for his enemy-rival, I'd be out on the street so fast... last thing I needed was to be jobless and homeless.
It was only for a week. I could live. I would have to. Drinking was the solution for today. I didn't often overindulge, but on special days...
Midnight rolled around and I was on a bar stool with head buried in my arms, several empty glasses around and one half way there. The initial elation at being drunk - deflated. Now, I just felt like crap. Arms began pulling at me. Small ones, large ones. My balance had no balance and I swayed backwards toward the floor. A flash of blonde hair over my shoulder as I was saved just in time from a difficult landing.
"It's a good thing that your bouncer, Kebrey was working tonight and called you. Dashen gets weird when he gets ignored. I think he does this for attention. Oh, he smells." That was Tanner's voice.
"We should just toss him into an empty tub and let him figure it out tomorrow morning, kid." That was Colton's voice.
"If you do that, he may end up back here tomorrow too. He doesn't know how to be bored or how to do nothing."
"Yeah. Other than work and you, Tannerlin, this idiot has very few hobbies."
"He likes to annoy you, that's kind of a hobby."
"Indeed. Come on, Dashen. Legs straight. Moving forward. Let's get you home."
My body moved though my mind wasn't encouraging it to do so. I stared daggers at Kebrey Pacus as I was half dragged from the bar. He and his far-to-pleased blue face smirking at me. Former security for Colton, now manager and bouncer of this place (Colton's bar). He enjoyed spying on me when I was here doing something that was none of his damn business.
"Sorry, kid." He said as I passed. "You were well beyond your expiration point, not to mention being loud and obnoxious."
I would have yelled something foolish at the giant man, but I was afraid to open my mouth for the fear of all of the evening's food and drink come spewing out all over only two people in the world who didn't hate my guts, even if they did enjoy ignoring me. Or maybe they hated my guts now, after this. It was possible. Another flash of blonde hair as Colton pulled me away from Kebrey. Tanner was close, but with my height and Colton's size, the kid was practically invisible. He had a tight hold of my right hand though as we pushed through the door and I was shoved into a small speeder, then into Colton's massive house and onto the huge couch.
"I am taking a chance on you, Dash. You puke on my couch and I kill you, so keep that in mind. Tannerlin, get him a bin to aim for."
Why I was here and not upstairs in my apartment, no idea. Felt good though. Soft. Cozy. Comfortable. I could get used to this. My back was flat on the couch, looking up at the dim evening lighting. And thinking. Something I should never do. Ever. Especially when I wasn't quite in my right mind. I admit, I did enjoy not being ignored yet again.
The cushion behind me sank. Colton. A small brown-haired form sat on the floor next to my own sunken cushions. Tanner.
"Go ahead," I said, defeated. "Lecture me. Tell me I'm an idiot. How stupid my actions were. How you hate me when I do this to myself, which isn't very often by the way. All those exciting things. I'll allow it."
No one said anything for a time, though I could hear Colton breathing and Tanner waiting patiently. So patiently. Obscenely so at times. Not sure how he did it. Sometimes, I wish I had some of that structured Jedi training that helped make him what he was. Other days...
"So, no one's gonna hate on me today? Come on, guys. Let me have it. I'm good. I can handle it."
Finally Colton spoke. "No one hates you, Dash. Sometimes we hate what you do to yourself, but that's a different monster. I don't care that you get drunk once in a while, what does bother me is the times you do it. Simply being bored is not a reason to drink yourself into a coma."
"Not comatose. Just feelin' crappy is all. Got fired. Lost big money. Got smacked around. All still not my fault. And then the only two people in my life seemed to not give a damn. So, why should I, right?"
"We care, Dash." Tanner told me softly, leaning against the couch. I could feel his shoulder pressing toward my straightened leg. "But I was busy with something that couldn't wait and I hadn't expected you to be home so early."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You and your unhealthy need for school and learning. And Colt with your criminal operation, eyes and ears all over the planet, hanging with your lady friends. You have stuff. Things that you enjoy on the side. I've got well... what? Work? And then well... work."
My droopy eyes caught Tanner's. His were concerned. For me. "You have me, Dash. You've taken care of me since you found me barely alive in that hole in the wall. That's not nothing. It's a big deal to me."
I stuck a hand out to muss the kid's hair. "I know. I didn't mean... It's a huge deal to me too, Mouse. Just ignore me you guys. Feelin' sorry for myself is all. I'll be back to work next week and feeling non-useless again. It's okay. What time is it anyway?"
"Midnight, you idiot." Colton again. Still annoyed, but he'd softened his voice. "That's how much you don't mean to us. Enough that we didn't come to your aid the first moment after Kebrey called. So, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You've got more than a lot of people can claim. And..." He stopped for a long moment to consider. "I'll see if I can at least find a couple local jobs for you. Not running, but my bar needs help stocking and cleaning. Keb can put you to work for a few days. It pays and you'll have less time to do stupid crap like this."
Work. Didn't matter what it was. It was something to do, and I'd never been one to shy away from hard work.
"Deal" I said, just before learning to the right and tossing my guts into the bin that Tanner had perfectly placed. He knew me so well. I guess I did have more in my life than I sometimes liked to think.
"Be glad your brother is good with that bin. This couch stays clean. I don't care if you stay on it all night, but it stays clean. I'll take pity on you for one night and one night only."
Aww, Colt really didn't hate me.
More puke.
But if he found a single drop of vomit-like drool on his prized sofa...
My eyes followed Colton as he stood and patted Tanner's arm. "Did you finish your assignment, Tannerlin?"
Tanner shook his head. Damn. Midnight. He'd come to get me out of trouble rather than finishing what he needed for class tomorrow. Some days, I was such a horrible brother. There was no change in the kid's steadfast need to look after me though.
"I'm almost done, I have to polish it a bit and then me and my classmates meet tomorrow morning before class to get our presentation together. It's okay, I can just get up another hour before that."
My eyes closed and I really did feel like hell, and not from the alcohol. "Tanner, no. I'll go spend the night in the bathroom. You need to finish. School is important to you."
"Dash..."
To both of our surprise, Colton took the dirtied bin from Tanner and pulled him up by his arm. "No. None of that. Tannerlin, go. Finish your project. I'll look after your moronic brother."
Moronic. There was a new one. I tried to protest. "Colt..."
"Shut up." That went well. "Tannerlin, go. Now. He'll be fine without you."
A smile and Tanner reached down to kiss my forehead - that was new too - with a "Feel better, Dash. Love you, big brother!" Then he took off up the steps and gone.
Doubting my new caretaker would actually do what the term inferred, I prepared to get up and go lay in the bathroom for the next six hours, when the big hands pushed me down. "Stay. You did all this because you were feeling sorry for yourself. Your brother and I ignored you. Do you know how pathetic that sounds?"
It was pathetic. I did know. I nodded. "Yup. Sounds worse when you say it out loud than it does in my head, but..."
"But nothing. You're better than this. You are so much better than this, Dash."
"I am. It's just been a crappy few days. I can't explain it. This Rosina-Nerrus thing just capped it off. I shouldn't have taken it so personally. It's no secret that Nerrus is weak and Rosina has been eyeing him for years. And truth be told, when I lose money like that, I get nervous."
Colton seemed to get it without further explanation. Thankfully. "I told you that I would help you and your brother as long as you worked hard and tried. I have no plans to go back on that. You lose an income for reasons you have no control over, it happens. You need money, tell me. I do know know where you live after all," he grinned, "And I am still paying for the kid's pricey school. Do me a favor, don't ever worry about money, all right? You may be an idiot, but you're our idiot. Not to mention, at this point in time, I've put so much effort and money into you already, it would be useless to set you out on your own. And disastrous. Yes, disastrous."
Sick again. "Sorry." A small towel smacked into my hand to wipe my face. "Thanks. I swear I will never do this again simply because I feel sorry for myself."
"Dash, if you seriously do not know by now how much that kid loves you, you've not been paying attention to anything except yourself."
"I know he does. I think my past comes back and pushes thoughts into my head that shouldn't be there and then something triggers all the negative. A trigger like this getting fired thing... and I swirl around and around until I crash. I crashed hard on this one."
More puke followed by the depressing reflection weighing on my mind during this last week. The real reason I felt so much like a disaster.
"It was a few days ago. Anniversary. Five years to the day since I lost Kossi and I swear that sometimes it's like it happened yesterday. I miss him so damned much, you know? That pain that never quite goes away and then flairs when you thought you've pushed it far enough down. Regardless of all this, you, Tanner, my work, my success, the perfect upstairs apartment... I'd give up every single piece of it in a second to have him back. And then, of course, that makes me feel worse. Getting fired was that stupid trigger. I was doing okay with the date, holding it together. Then..." I stroked a hand through my hair. "Yeah. I didn't mean to drag you and Tanner into it all."
Confession. Truth.
Colton sat across from me now. His ice blue eyes boring into my watery green ones. "I knew the anniversary was coming up, I didn't know the exact date. It wouldn't kill you to say something, Dash. The kid and I both understand. Hell, he's got the same issues. We get it, we do. I might want to beat the crap out of you at times, but that doesn't mean I don't get it, or care about what you lost."
"He was such a good brother. Kossi. He was pure good. Every last ounce of him. You don't see that. Not ever. And having that light burn out like it did... my baby brother... it hurts every damn day."
Blue eyes motioned toward the steps. "Well, that little one you took in a few years back, he seems pretty damned good as well."
"He is. The years go by and I see how alike they are. It's a little scary in some ways. Almost like all of this was meant to happen."
"Maybe it was."
At that exact moment, I heard the apartment door open and close. Well past midnight at this point and Tanner came parading down the stairs. With a determined step, he walked to the couch where I was halfway attempting to sit up and tossed his arms around my neck in a death hug. Even in my uncoordinated drunken state, it felt so good. Damn tears. Couldn't stop them. Tanner tucked his head into my shoulder and I buried my face into his sleep tunic, eyes pinned shut.
"Love you, Dash."
My stupefied brain for some odd reason laughed and I muffled my response.
"Love you too, Mouse."
Released and he hurried back up the stairs. "Gotta finish my project!"
Colton pointed at the small blur that was hurtling away from us. "That... is every reason for you to not ever do this again."
Couldn't argue with him there. "I promise. Not more self pity parties. And I will definitely take that work at the bar. Tell Kebrey he can schedule me full days all week until I'm back on my duty for you."
"Already done."
My turn to stare at him; dumbfounded of course. The speed in which Colton often managed to take action without anyone noticing could be astounding.
"Already... what? Wait... what?"
He laughed at me. So not nice. "While we were dragging your butt out of the bar. I set things up."
Really? My mind was half gone, but I certainly would have heard some type of exchange similar to "Put the idiot on the schedule all week, full days, work him until his eyes go crossed." But I hadn't. Colton always did manage to stay ten steps ahead of me and everyone else. Probably a good thing when it came yours truly.
"Well then, okay." Was really all I could think to say.
"Okay. You think you have anything left in your stomach to come up? Or is my couch safe for the rest for the overnight?"
"I'm all right now. Just feel queasy, not nauseous. I won't puke on your couch."
"Good, because you are due at the bar right after you drop your brother off at school. Then you pick him up from school, drop him home and finish the shift."
"First thing... that early huh?"
"Your screw up, not mine."
"Yeah. Right." I knew I'd have a spitting headache by tomorrow morning and would feel like absolute crap. But, he was right. This drunk thing was my screw up. I'd take responsibility and get things done.
"I'll be there, Colt. On time and ready to work."
"Good." He stood, leaving the puke bin next to the couch and pulling a blanket from the other end. Tossing it over me, I clutched to it, grateful I hadn't burned the only two bridges I had in this life, despite how hard I pushed the boundaries at times.
"Thanks for not disowning me, Colt. Or worse. Hating me for my stupidity."
"I would never officially disown you. Nor would I ever hate you, Dashen. That kid up there wouldn't even think of it." Colton's large hand reached down and patted me softly on my chest. "Just remember that the next time, all right?"
"Got it." And I did. Lesson felt in the form of puking my guts up for the last however long it had been. Lesson learned in the form of disappointing the two most important people in my life. Wouldn't be making that mistake again. Not ever.
Colton vanished and I tucked myself into the galaxy's softest blanket. The blanket that most likely cost as much as a land speeder.
I'd be sure not to puke on that either.
END
