Chapter Title: Good Memories
Series Title: Unlikely Brothers
POV: Tanner (for the present day portions of the story)
Ages in this chapter: Tanner (14) Dashen (20)
Chapter Summary: A dream flashes Tanner back to his past and the moment he was taken by Master Ayden Yen as his apprentice.
Present day...
"You're up in the middle of a night, on a school night. You're either sick or had a crappy dream. So?"
My brother. Long black hair disheveled and sticking out a several odd angles. Face crinkled from his pillow. Green eyes half mast. He sagged out of his bedroom, one sock on, the location of the other remaining a mystery. His familiarity with me awake in the middle of the night dated back to that very first day he found me five years ago. I spent the majority of my nights sleepless back then. It was mostly nightmares at that time. I still had them occasionally, but more of my dreams these days were just memories. Good memories as a general rule, though they often only served to sadden me. This one was no exception.
On the couch, Dashen nudged me with a shoulder as he sat at my side. "So?" He said again.
"Just another memory."
"Good but sad, right?"
Yup, he knew me well by this point in our fake brother relationship.
"Yeah. Not sure where they come from or why. Sometimes there's a trigger. Not this time. I dreamed about when Master Ayden decided to take me as his apprentice. I was far too young at the time, but things happened and the Force was determined to be heard..."
A yawn escaped as Dash turned lengthwise on the couch, leaning back with his head on the arm, kicking his feet up and tossing his long legs over my lap.
"Comfy?" I asked.
"Very, yes. Thanks."
"You're an idiot."
"Yup, tell me something I don't know, Tanner. But I'm awake and I'm here. So, tell me about your dream."
That was the thing about Dashen. He hated being awake in the middle
of the night, especially when he'd been hard asleep and had no reason
to actually be awake. But with me, he never complained. Most of the time, he encouraged me to talk about the dreams, nightmares, whatever they were at the time. In the past, he'd told me that when he had lost his parents and then his baby brother, Kossi, his head was filled with bad thoughts and bad dreams and everything in between. He'd been alone, waking in the middle of the night in cold sweats after Kossi died, knowing there was nothing there. Not a single soul. No one. Not one to care. No one to listen. No one to just sit at his side.
Making a point to be sure that I never had that same experience - even now, these years later - it meant something. To him. To me.
And here we were.
Another yawn. "Go on, Mouse. I'm listening. Tell me all about it."
So I did.
—
Seven years prior...
"Young he is. Rare is a Padawan taken at such an age. Yet, unusually strong the Force is pulling you together."
"Master Yoda, I have watched this boy for several months now. He is special. The reasons, I am unsure of just yet. But I feel a bond with him through the Force and there has been no formal bonding. I did not know such was possible."
"With the Force, anything is possible. Whether to allow the bond to finalize at such an age is the question. Full initiate training he has not yet received. Much he has to learn. Much he has to grow before allowing into danger of a more suitable aged apprentice. The war still rages. Too small and young he is for such. Wary I am to allow the bonding."
"I cannot prevent it, Master, and if I were to shut him off, what would that do to his confidence? To be told to trust the Force, then deny him what the Force is seeking. I know the situation with the war, but times are changing and we must adjust in how we train the future of the Jedi to their full potential. Would this be Tannerlin's full potential? I would ask that if you decided to not allow him to be my apprentice now, then when he is more of age, that you at least assign him to me for that future."
The ancient Jedi master closed his large eyes and sunk deeply within the Force, seeking guidance. In the history of the Jedi Order, Yoda knew of several other master-apprentice pairings that had begun so early. Before initiate training was completed. Before the youngling was fully prepared and ready for padawan training. Yet, of all those pairings, none had ever failed. The Force, calling teacher and student together so strongly that to refuse that bond would be detrimental to the growth of the student and to their future.
Tannerlin Vai was a well balanced boy. Curious. Confident. Intelligent. Well adjusted. He absolutely loved to learn and absorb information. His initiate teachers spoke his praises about how dedicated a learner he was. Physically, he was small for his age, and a step behind in saber skills, but he tried hard and practiced hard. Never giving up a lesson until he got it correct, no matter how many times he had to repeat it. Yoda knew the child would one day be a strong addition to the Jedi Order, if not with the saber as a Guardian, than with the skills of a Consular to spread peace and harmony by diplomatic means.
Master Ayden Yen had confidently trained one apprentice to Knighthood. Had taken leave from the field to teach various classes at the Temple. He was now prepared to train again. In watching the of-age initiates spar and test their Force skills against each other, his attention often wavered to the smaller dojo nearby. A class for younglings still a few years from being prepared to be a padawan.
This small boy. Brown hair. Pale brown eyes. A smile that lit up the room. The determined effort he put out, even in failure. The intense attention and focus to whatever master or teacher was instructing.
The first time he'd seen the child, there had been some strange tingling from within the Force. Ayden hadn't known what it was at first, until speaking with Yoda on the issue. The second time, the tingling was stronger until it was becoming clear that a Force bond was attempting
to form between the seven year old boy and the older Jedi. Both
Ayden the master and Tannerlin the youngling felt it. Neither completely understanding. And when the initiate-master eventually introduced the pair, after noticing Ayden's regular observation of the class, Tannerlin gathered a huge smile as he looked up at the big man... almost as if knowing their soon-to-be future together.
"Hello, young one." Ayden leaned down, his shoulder length dark brown hair secured with a hair tie as his mahogany eyes took in the sight of the child.
"Hi." Tannerlin responded promptly. "You're Master Ayden. My initiate-master said you wanted to talk to me."
"Indeed. I wanted to meet you."
"Why did you want to meet me, Master?"
"Because I think you and I have something in common. That weird feeling in your head lately, do you know what it means?"
A firm nod, confident on it's face, but sprinkled with a feeling of uncertainty. "Master Yoda told me that the Force was trying to make a bond, but that I was too young for it. He said that the Force was trying to make a bond with me and you, but I don't even know you. It is a weird feeling."
Ayden smiled down at the child, then knelt before him after a subtle approving glance from the initiate-master; close by for support, but without direct interference. "I know, it's very weird, isn't it? But it's a good weird. It means the Force thinks that I might be the one to train you."
"But, I'm only seven." Pale brown eyes focused on the darker ones before him, unafraid to be completely honest with the man. Tannerlin didn't understand why he felt so comfortable in the presence of a person he did not know, but he trusted the Force as he'd been taught to do. It would not lead him astray. The Force told him that Ayden Yen was a good man. A good master. And that they were destined to be teacher and student. It gave him the courage to talk freely with the man without feeling nervous.
"You are very young, but the Force doesn't know or care about age or other differences. The strangeness you feel in your head, how does it make you feel inside?"
The boy was quiet for a moment as he thought about his answer. He didn't search for the right answer, only for the honest one. "Well, at first I didn't know, I thought I had hurt myself or I was getting sick. The healers said I wasn't sick though. Then... now... I can feel it right now. Can you feel it too? I think it makes me feel happy. It makes me feel better. I like you, Master Ayden."
"I like you as well, Tannerlin," I smiled. Our allotted time was up. The initiate-master moved closer to escort the student to their next round of meditation for the day, so I ended our talk. "You need to get back to your training, young one. I will let you go. Maybe I will see you soon, all right?"
"Maybe tomorrow?"
"Maybe."
"Okay, bye Master Ayden. Thank you for talking to me. I hope I get to be your padawan."
Ayden closed his eyes as the boy hurried off to meet up with his class. Eager to please, eager to learn, eager to train. If this eventual pairing wasn't right, nothing would ever be, he thought.
And that was how he'd ended up in Yoda's quarters a week later to discuss the boy.
Yoda opened his eyes and grunted. A nod followed as did the tapping of his gimmer stick. "Agree with you, I do. Denying the Force bond, wrong it would be, even in time of war. Take this boy as your padawan learner, you may."
Bowing from where he knelt before the green master, Ayden surprised himself with a quiet sigh. Not sure where it had come from, he hadn't realized he was so anxious about the situation. But the more he'd watched the child, the stronger the tendrils of bonding had become. A weird feeling indeed, for both teacher and eventual student.
"Thank you, Master Yoda. I understand the responsibility of training one so young and I will be certain to follow any instruction provided by the initiate-master for what lessons should be taught to Tannerlin in my initial time with him. I know this is right between us and we will not let you down."
"Indeed, you will not. Go speak to your new apprentice you will."
He would and he did, but as much as he knew this was right, Ayden made the choice that the final decision would be made by the boy. If Tannerlin was not prepared...
The initiate-master permitted the visit to happen in the Gardens; a quiet, comfortable corner. She sat a distance away, protective but welcoming the pairing if it was indeed the will of the Force.
Ayden sat on a meditation mat nearest the flowers and invited Tannerlin to do the same.
"I have a question to ask you, Tannerlin Vai."
Curious light brown eyes glanced upwards as the words came blurting out. "You want to be my master!"
Not thrown by the forthright statement, Ayden continued. "I do. I have spoken to Master Yoda. The Force is leading me to take you as my apprentice. You are very young and it's sooner than one would normally be permitted to be taken, but sometimes there are special circumstances. This is one of those. But I want to allow you to make the decision. If you are frightened or worried, that's all right. You have much to learn as a young one and I would not be hurt should you choose to stay with your initiate class to continue to learn."
Tannerlin shrugged. "It's not scary. Maybe I have butterflies though."
"Maybe I do too," the master admitted as he smile do himself. If a seven year old who was having his world tossed upside down could be flat-out honest, so could an experienced Jedi Master.
"You do?" Wide eyes. A surprised expression that a Master Jedi would have butterflies in his stomach trying to make such a big decision.
"I do. But they're the good kind of butterflies."
"Sometimes when I get nervous, my stomach feels sick. Then when it's over, it's not sick anymore." Tannerlin lowered his gaze and cocked his head sideways for a second. He then made his decision. "I think when I am your apprentice, it won't be sick anymore."
Ayden steadied a deep breath. If he had any concerns about this uncertain thing being right, they were vanished. With just a few simple words from a seven year old child. He smiled. Tannerlin smiled. From behind them, the initiate-master smiled. Having looked after Tannerlin Vai for many years now, she saw potential in him and cared about his future. That future was now set and she offered a soft approving expression watching the youngling stand and throw his tiny arms around the neck of the Jedi Master. It was the boy's way, the she thought. Tannerlin made certain that those he cared about knew that he cared about them. Perhaps not always the traditional Jedi way, but he was who he was and to break him from that would change the person he was meant to be. This future before her was bright and shining. She was proud to hand him off to the stable and capable hands of Ayden Yen.
Arms were still wrapped around Ayden's neck as Tannerlin said, "I won't let you down, Master Ayden. Not ever. I promise."
"I know you won't, but if you do, don't worry. We're both learning, all right?" His hands gathered the boy away from him. "Now I want you to finish your next two days with your class. I don't want to interrupt while you are in the middle of lessons. But after..."
After, was three days later in a standard, prompt ceremony consisting of the weaving of hair together into a short braid and finalizing their bond within the Force. Despite the presence of two Council members there to witness, Tannerlin still ended it all with another hug. Ayden quickly realizing in his meetings, that this was who the child was and who he would forever be. The Council may not agree with him becoming so attached so quickly, but the master warmly accepted the hug and returned it.
Excused by the Council members, the pair stood side by side. Lopsided in height and size, but strongly connected in a way that few before them had been. Not unprecedented, but rare.
A pairing that was meant to be.
—-
Present day...
My brother stared at me strangely. "So, if things had worked out differently, maybe you and I never meet. Maybe you don't survive. Maybe I don't survive." Still with legs kicked across my lap, Dashen's voice was sincere. Thinking what would have happened if I had not become the apprentice to Master Yen, and had never come to Terra and Kaolin, and he'd never found me. I probably would have perished in the purge. Dashen's future... Yeah. Those were dark thoughts on both accounts. I tried to reassure him.
"Ayden always told me that the Force had a plan for me. He never knew exactly what it was, but when it came to me, he let the Force lead him. I think it's why he was so determined to save me when he knew he would die. Something else was at play."
That something else was Dashen. It's where the Force led me. It's why the Force directed Ayden to push me into that hole in the wall. His life was over, but another could be saved. Dashen needed someone. Something in his life to help him move beyond the loss of his brother.
"Maybe Ayden didn't know who you were, but it was you."
"So, without each other, we'd both be dead. You rotting away in a hole in the wall and me ending things my own way. A nice thought." He shrugged somberly.
"Something really good came out of horrible things."
"Yeah, but be honest, Tanner, you'd give it up to have your Master Ayden and your Jedi friends back."
I nodded. The truth. I never lied to Ayden. I never lied to my brother. "I would. You would do the same to have Kossi back." He didn't have to admit it for me to know. We both had our emotional attachments of the past. It didn't lesson our current emotional attachments to each other. Yes, I would give up my brother to have everything back. Yes, he would give me up to have his beloved little brother back. Those things would never happen. Could never happen. Thankfully, we did have each other on the opposite end of this. And that was enough.
"Mouse, this is the most depressing of conversations. Can you stop having crazy sad dreams please?"
"Sometimes, I wish I could turn them off and sometimes, I hope they never go away."
I didn't have to explain further. Any other person would have thought me insane to wish for dreams that served only to depress. Dashen never did. Losing those dreams... those memories... would take the ones that we loved away from us. I couldn't have Master Ayden back. Dash couldn't have Kossi back. But nothing could take the good memories, the truths of our pasts.
"I think I'm okay now, Dash." I patted his legs. "You can go back to bed."
There came an exaggerated stretch as he moved off me and upright, slouching against my side. "You sure?"
I smiled. "Yeah. I'm good. Thank you for staying up." The thanks wasn't necessary, but I said it anyway. Always did.
He patted my knee and stood. "Anytime, little brother. I'll give you a ride to school tomorrow. I'm working the bar the next few days, school is on the way."
"No jobs?"
"Nah, Colton's only got a few runs this week and they're all simple enough to hand off elsewhere. So, bar work. You get stuck with me for breakfast and dinner for three days straight. Lucky you."
"Eh, I guess I'll live through it," I kidded. "Maybe."
"Keep me away from the kitchen and we'll both live."
The galaxy's worst cook, he was, so there was complete truth behind his sarcastic statement.
"See ya in the morning, Mouse." Trudging off toward his bed, I Force-hurled a couch pillow at the back of his head. He'd been expecting it, ducking just in time to yell back toward me. "Need to work on your surprise attacks! To predictable with the pillow hurling routines, kid."
"Love you, big brother!" I yelled back. Because it was me. My way. My connection to those I loved.
"Back at ya, Mouse!" Dashen and his usual response. Because it was him. His way. His response to the lost Jedi kid he'd taken under his care when no other would have given me a second thought. The darkest day in the galaxy. The darkest day of my life. The day that extinguished the light and welcomed the dark; that day that took my family from me in the most violent way.
The day that gave me new life. New light. New family.
And it's why those good memories - those good dreams - would always be welcomed. Those days lead me to now.
Now was a life where I was happy and loved.
Was there anything better than that?
END
