Chapter 81

Conin shuffled into the learning hall in the tower. He met his god's eyes over the full benches of the Order members working on their writing, and he bowed his head. His eyes were squeezed shut as he stayed bent. He shuddered at the feel of a hand on his shoulder.

"You can raise your head." Her voice was so painfully kind.

He straightened, eyes welling with tears. "Holiness, I…"

"Hey, you're ok." She dropped her hand from his shoulder, but her face stayed kind. "Come on, let's go talk." And she turned and gestured for him to follow her and walked towards her quarters.

Conin swallowed, hands shaking from sheer relief that at least she was not angry with him, and followed after her. He appreciated the friendly looks and gestures of luck sent his way from Order members very carefully pretending to be paying attention to Duncan's latest grammar lesson. It helped to know they had not turned their backs on him for his choice. His spine was perfectly straight, hands clasped behind his back as the door closed behind him. He would face whatever her Holiness said. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Hogg was writing something on her Holiness's desk for her.

"Oh damn, Brienne's really trained you guys to stand all properly." Daisy huffed in amusement as she looked at him, yanking his attention completely to herself and away from Hogg. "So, Ser Conin Lovewell, congratulations on the marriage."

His mouth was dry. "I am grateful for the trust you placed in me, I didn't mean to disrespect you or-"

She held up her hand. "You don't need to apologize." Daisy leaned against the table. "Did I ever tell you much about Coulson?"

He blinked in confusion, his posture softened slightly. "Not much your Holiness. That you loved him, that he was a mortal you considered your father. He was a leader in SHIELD." Conin knew he was forgetting something, but Daisy rarely spoke of the people she cared for from her own world. "You spoke of some battles you fought beside him in."

"He never married or had kids of his own despite it being something he'd have been good at. He had like 'dad' written all over him. It was a choice he made when he signed up for SHIELD. He knew that he'd always choose SHIELD over a family and that it wouldn't be fair to a family he might build. It's easy to die for a cause you believe in, to die doing what's right. It's not easy to tell someone you love to do it." She looked sad as she spoke. "I don't think either of us realized what we'd mean to each other at first, and by the time we did, it was too late. We both did stupid things to protect each other, put other people's lives at risk because of what we meant to each other."

Conin stayed silent listening, he didn't understand why he was being trusted with this. But he was honored, and, he thought he might understand the point.

"The death toll when humans try to stand on the same ground as gods is…it's obscene. He loved me like a daughter, left everything to me when he died. But I always knew that SHIELD would always come first. It was just who he was. And maybe I'm like him in that way. Because he made a choice, he could have lived or he could ensure our world was saved. And he chose the world, he chose to make me more than just a demi-god so I could kill anything that threatened our world. But that choice meant he died, and he knew I didn't want it, the power and everything that came with it." She scoffed. "He sacrificed himself, and me to protect our world. It was the right choice but it wasn't…" She frowned before shaking her head. "Being torn between family and duty sucks. You're not wrong not to want to be faced with that choice."

Conin's voice felt thick. "I couldn't sacrifice my family to you."

"I wouldn't want you to." She looked over at Hogg. "You guys do know I don't want you sacrificing yourselves for me at all right? Like it's one thing to sacrifice yourself for a goal. It's very different to do it for me specifically."

Hogg looked at her, it was kinda written on his face that he and every last one of them would throw themselves on a sword for her. "We know, your Holiness."

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I swear if any of you idiots try and die for me I'm going to be really upset. And you all can get married if you want. It's hard to balance but like that's totally your choice."

Conin smiled ever so slightly, that was a losing argument. And he felt…he could be proud of his choice. Which meant everything.

/

Petyr Baelish watched Sansa as she walked along the high walls of Winterfell, her god at her elbow. A public display that even the most common of people would see and understand. "She really is brilliant." He'd underestimated how much she had learned from watching, foolish of him.

"I was right to support her as Queen." Lord Manderly declared with all the conviction of a simple man. Unfortunately, the man had a brain, even if he lacked the imagination for his ambitions to be particularly interesting.

He noted the ease of arguably the two most powerful women on the continent as they spoke with each other; he was unsure of how much control of the southern situation the Targaryen had. "You most certainly were, quite daring to risk choosing the girl over her brothers."

"Rickon will grow to be a fine man, possibly even a great one. Jon already is one. But great men rarely live long in this world." Manderly sighed. "Good men even less so."

Baelish found it really a shame someone like Manderly kept himself shackled to things like family, honor, and duty. It was so limiting. If things were different he might even be a worthy opponent instead of a mere tool. "Wise words." His eyes trailed over the shape of Sansa above them on the wall. "I believe our Queen may be in love." An interesting development to be sure.

"Reckon you're right. Certainly took a great deal to earn her affection." Manderly chuckled. "Someday when her Holiness is gone I feel for the poor fuckers who are going to try and woo her."

Baelish liked to think of it as an opportunity. Sansa would take the smart choice after losing the last wisps of romanticism. Of course, she'd have been in the same position if Stannis hadn't been a damned fool. With Ramsey and then rescued by that brutish fool Stannis and she'd have taken his offer of safety. What is love or trust in exchange for safety after experiencing the worst? Someone else wasn't supposed to swoop in and offer safety and trust. Fortunately, it was destined to be brief. Doomed romances, completely idiotic, if useful. "I imagine no man will measure up after a god."

"Well, she has three brothers and a sister. No need for her to ever marry again if she doesn't want to." Manderly pushed his gloved hands into his thick green tunic.

He was really going to have to arrange an accident for Rickon Stark if the boy proved to be a possible threat. The girl, Arya, could easily be handled. She would be useful to send out to do her sister's bidding. If not, well, it wouldn't be hard to make her look treasonous. Jon was too stupid to be a threat without someone sponsoring him. Bran was irrelevant, easy to get rid of if needed. "There is that, I worry some fool may think to make his move while her Holiness is still here."

"What fool would be stupid enough to try?" Manderly scoffed only to seemingly pause. "That was a stupid question."

Baelish gave a faint tip of his head. "She is a great beauty, unmarried, and holds great power. Many men have done far stupider over far less." And he was going to have to ensure someone did. After all, he could use that stupidity to gain ground in court, and remove possible competition before they knew it was one. Spoiling the well.

"Well, I suppose such foolishness will be entertaining to witness." Manderly shook his head.

He made a sound of agreement, his eyes never leaving Sansa's form. She was beautiful, possibly even more than her mother had been. There was a regality to her that drew all around her. And so much power. Chaos may be a ladder, but she was the rung on that ladder that would see his dreams fulfilled. And if she didn't, it'd be a loss, but he could do just as well with a child of theirs. A year or two of allowing her to fuck a god was nothing before that. "I will speak to Lord Royce, delaying the inevitable can only aid us. But aside from that Lord Manderly, what are your thoughts on the Riverlands?"

/

Daisy paused as she saw Rickon and Lyanna trotting toward her. She smiled. "Rickon, Lady Mormont."

"Please, you've knocked me in the dirt enough, titles are pointless." Lyanna scoffed as she stopped, looking at her. "We wanted to know how long you'll be here for this time?"

She smiled, ruffling Rickon's hair. It was just so curly and shaggy, not ruffling it felt like a crime. Also, he was at that adorable age where he was hitting his growth spurt and was all huffy about how he was tall and not a little kid anymore. "Another day at longest. Can't leave Jon alone with southern court ladies for too long or he'll lock himself in his room."

The kids both snickered. Rickon grinned. "Will you teach us tomorrow before you leave though?"

"Of course." Daisy dropped her hands on her hips. "Duncan says you two have been keeping up with the men's morning drills. Good for you, both of you."

They both puffed up in pride. Lyanna seemed to realize she was and tried to act more serious. "Yes well, it is only logical. I can hardly be a great warrior if I don't put in the effort required to become one."

"Keep up the work and you'll be a terror to fight." Daisy meant it too, Lyanna might be small now, but she wouldn't be for long. She tilted her head. "How old are you two?"

Lyanna tipped her chin up. "I'm one and ten."

"My nameday is next week." Rickon's face lit up. "I'll be two and ten!"

She softened looking at them. They were just kids. "That's really great, you excited then?"

"It's winter and we're at war." Rickon shrugged, scratching at one ear. "It's not very important."

Daisy had a feeling Sansa would be making the day a celebration. But then maybe it wasn't a big thing culturally? Rickon's face said it was important to him. "Getting older is something to celebrate." She slung her arm around Rickon's shoulders, dropping a hand on Lyanna's shoulder. "Come on, if we're late to supper Sansa will give us her disappointed look."

"It's the worst." Rickon agreed as he happily let himself be pulled along.

Lyanna looked at both of them. "Cowards."

"Do you want her to be unhappy with you?" Rickon asked, clearly challenging her.

Lyanna's sharp little eyes glared at both of them. "Her Grace is only unhappy with idiots, I'm not an idiot. I fail to see the issue."

"You are spectacular, please never change." Daisy yanked the kid closer; she had one kid under each arm. It was great. Lyanna clearly wanted to elbow her in the gut and keep some dignity but wasn't going to because 'god'. Also, the girl was as touch starved as any orphan, as was proved by how after a second, Lyanna leaned into the contact. Daisy smiled softly. Well crap, she was going to have to figure out two birthday presents then, because she was pretty sure Lyanna had been ten when they'd first met. Which meant she'd missed it. But for now, dinner.

Daisy felt like sighing in contentment at the warm stew and hot bread. She'd kind of missed it, even if the food down south had been more varied. And fruit…if the North had fresh fruit that would be real cool. "I was talking with Rickon and he mentioned his nameday is coming up?"

"Yes. Actually, if you wouldn't mind sending your men for some holly to decorate the hall with it I'd appreciate it." Sansa replied easily.

She tipped her head. "Of course. I had a question actually, why do you call it a nameday instead of a birthday?"

Lord Glover set his mug down with a loud crack. "You mean to say the gods celebrate the day of the actual birth?"

Daisy glanced at the curious nobility suddenly paying attention to her. "Well yeah? I mean some religious groups have namedays too for the date a child is baptized which is…a ritual dedicating a child to the service of the Catholic god. I think a few other religions have something similar. But yeah you get splashed with some holy water, there's some oil. You get dedicated to a specific saint. So usually some old dead person who died serving the Catholic god. Which, uh, retrospectively hilarious the nuns totally baptized me. My patron saint was Isidore of Seville, who cool dude, but considering Catholics are a bit like your followers of R'hllor let's just say it's kinda funny I ended up not being human." She actually was still fond of Isidore, seriously, he was the patron saint of the internet and programmers. Lot of bees in his artwork…so many bees.

"You were dedicated to the service of another god?" Sansa asked, completely baffled looking.

She shrugged. "I mean the orphanage was run by basically the equivalent of Silent Sisters so yeah? I'm not sure their god is even real. I mean, maybe, but…" Daisy frowned slightly and shook her head. "Anyways, that religion doesn't even exist here so that can't be why you call it a nameday."

"I believe Lord Glover's confusion comes from the fact we celebrate from the day a child is named, not of their actual birth." Lord Baelish cut in. "So many babes don't survive those first few weeks."

Greatjon nodded solemnly. "Aye, the Wildlings don't name their children till they're two years old. We only wait two months here south of the Wall."

"That makes sense." Daisy didn't mention the sudden feeling of horror at that. Because of course, the infant mortality rates here had to be horrifically high. "Sorry, it must seem like a stupid question."

Sansa gently touched her leg under the table. "Not at all. It is easy to forget how strange we must all seem to you on occasion."

"And I doubt namedays or birthdays hold much meaning to you." Baelish tipped his head. "After all, I find with every passing year they come faster and seem less important to be marked."

Glover snorted. "I can drink to that. The years do begin to blend after a while."

"Years must seem quite insignificant to you, your Holiness." Greatjon chuckled as he took a long drink from his ale.

Daisy felt her brow furrow. "I'm…wait, how old do you think I am?"

"Oh, I don't think any of us would hazard a guess as dangerous as that." Baelish raised his cup to her in salute.

She looked around at the faces of a group of people who all clearly had a very set idea. "No really, how old do you think I am?"

Manderly looked at her curiously. "The new gods are over six thousand years old, we had assumed you were perhaps a thousand or so years younger than that? Is that badly wrong, your Holiness?"

Fitz let out a high-pitched, startled laugh from where he was sitting further down the table and had been poking at his meal. "Wait, seriously."

"That's off, by…a lot." Daisy paused. "I'm…sorry it gets weird with jumping around through time. I think I'm twenty-four? Might still be twenty-three, I'm not really sure."

Several people choked, the sound died off from everyone in earshot. Greatjon's mouth was actually hanging open, an action he wasn't alone in. Fitz made a wheezing sound as he ruthlessly bit down on his tongue. Daisy glanced around in confusion at their shocked faces, hell, even Sansa looked like her brain was rebooting.

Somehow it was Lyanna who recovered first. "You have so many titles?"

"I mean I guess? People just keep giving them to me." She would normally have rolled her eyes, but they were kinda freaking her out at the moment. They were being ridiculous. "Constant fighting for six years does that."

Manderly laughed. "Well, I'll be. I suppose youth doesn't preclude one from achieving greatness." He raised a cup towards her, and Sansa.

Several men made agreeing sounds, and conversation slowly started again.

Daisy shook her head before suddenly grinning at the expression on Sansa's face. It was subtle, but Sansa was still shocked. "You really thought I was that old?"

"I feel very foolish considering our many conversations about your time with SHIELD, but yes I had assumed." Sansa looked at her. "It certainly makes several things about you make more sense."

She laughed, oh it was burning Sansa to have been that wrong about it. "Like what?"

"Your confusion at being worshipped." Sansa raised a brow. "It's not that you aren't in your world, it's that it's new."

Daisy nodded. "Fair, but thousands of years?"

"I'd been assuming closer to a thousand." Sansa corrected as if that made it better.

She snickered as she picked up her mug of ale. "This probably makes me a terrible person, but since you clearly were wrong too, how old are you, and please say I didn't miss you having a nameday while I've been here?"

"Just before I was crowned actually." Sansa's lips twitched. "And I'm nine and ten."

Daisy went completely still as she processed that. "Nineteen? You're nineteen."

"Yes?" Sansa was looking at her strangely then.

Daisy for once actually ignored that. Because…nineteen. How…on what planet was Sansa Stark a teenager? Oh, she actually was the Miles in this situation wasn't she? That…that did not feel good. She stared down at her bowl in front of her. "Fuck."

"Daisy? What's wrong with my age?" Sansa was genuinely confused sounding as she touched her shoulder lightly.

It was…fuck, Daisy had untensed ever so slightly just automatically at the contact. "You were eighteen when we met." Which…how?!

Fitz apparently had definitely heard, because he started laughing again, he wheezed as he looked at them. "Oh god, that's so good."

Baelish spoke up, confusion on his stupid, slimy face. "If you would care to enlighten us?"

Which…how to even describe the…

"We don't consider a person an adult till they're eighteen." Fitz cut in, wiping an actual tear from his eye. His stupid Scottish accent was quite thick actually. "She'll be fine. She's having a slight panic attack at how close she apparently got to breaking the law."

Somehow it was still Baelish who was processing this fast enough. Or maybe it shouldn't be surprising at all. "The law?"

"It can get murky if a person is sixteen or older, but it's generally considered rape for an adult to have sex with a person under the age of eighteen. Even by our standards Sansa and Daisy are fine, but c-close enough she'll get so much crap when we get home." Fitz's hands waved as he spoke.

Daisy picked up her bread roll and chucked it at his head. "You're the worst." She caught Sansa's hand under the table, linking their fingers together.

"Adults are so weird." Rickon piped up from where he was looking around at everyone. "I mean Daisy's clearly about Fitz's age. Why did you all think she was ancient?" His face was scrunched up.

Daisy just gave up and buried her face in her free hand and laughed. Her shoulders shook with it. Oh god, this whole meal had been ridiculous.