Chapter Title: AHappy Life
Series Title: Unlikely Brothers
POV: Dashen
Ages in this chapter: Dashen (14) Kossi (7)
Chapter Summary: Dashen worries over his young brother, Kossi, who in turn is determined to make sure his big brother has a happy life no matter what their future. This chapter takes place prior to Tanner coming into Dashen's life (prior to the event of Chapter 1 of the series).
"Dashy, you ever miss momma and papa?"
"I miss them all the time, Kossi."
"You work hard to take care of me since they died."
"I have to keep you safe. It's my job as your big brother."
"And I make you happy. That's my little brother job."
"It's the most important job."
"I want you to be happy all the time. Even if bad things happen. Even if I can't be with you."
"Not sure I could be happy without you around, Kos."
"But you could be. You might be. It would be okay if you were. I wouldn't be sad or mad about it. You deserve to be happy always."
I frowned at the confusing conversation. Kossi and I sat at our tiny table that was essentially our everything table. Eating. School work. Games. We sat crossed legged on the floor, across from one another. Black hair and green eyes mirroring the other from the short distance of separation. There was never any mistaking that we were anything except brothers. Our personalities were different, but Kossi was a virtually my twin in appearance. Shorter, but only because he was only seven years old and I was twelve. I was tall for my age, he was small for his, but we shared eyes and hair and the strongest bond you'd ever see. I couldn't live with out my little brother, so what was all this nonsense about it was okay for me to be happy without him? And why does any seven year old say or even think things like that?
I shook my head. "Kos, you know I wouldn't be happy without you. Not ever. Not for one minute. Why would you think that?"
I didn't lie to my brother. Not once in my entire life. It was full truth or nothing. There was no starting that now.
Kossi stuffed a sweet syrup puff-cake into his mouth. The breakfast of champions. I tried to get him to eat healthy, but it was the one thing he'd never do of my asking. The boy loved his sugar laden puff-cakes in the morning so what was a big brother to do? Whatever Kossi wanted, I'd walk through fire to make sure he had it. Fortunately, he didn't ever want or need much - except sweet syrup puff-cakes.
"In case something happens," he responded, licking the syrup from his fingers before wiping them on a cloth. "Like with momma and papa."
"That's not gonna happen to you. I won't let it. I'm looking after you and protecting you. I'm gonna keep you safe always."
From the time he'd been born, Kossi had been different. Stronger than me in so many ways. Always one step ahead of me in his actions and thinking. Always wiser beyond his years. But at the same time he stayed happy and joyful and positive. He loved life. Truly, loved life.
He loved me more than life though and as I always told him the truth, he tried hard to do the same. That look of his would come after I'd say something that either made little sense to his own way of thinking or that he didn't agree with. It was a look that said, Dashy - his silly nickname for me - Dashy, I love you, but you're an idiot.
That he gave me the look now concerned me more than in the past, mostly because of the context and seriousness of this out-of-the-blue discussion he'd started. I was confused by it all and my little brother hated for me to be confused, so as the the last puff-cake shoveled in, he set down his fork and scooted his way over to my side of the table. Arms wrapped around my neck and he hugged me tight.
"You should be happy, big brother. Always happy. No matter what. Okay? For me."
My eyes closed tight. No idea what this was all about, it was off balance even for him. Not that he didn't hug me - this kid was a pure-born hugger - and he was always checking to be sure that I was all right. Kossi wore his emotions for all to see. When he loved you, he told you. He showed you.
But something... something about this was different.
"I'm happy as long as I have you around, little brother." I finally replied, ignoring the annoying stray tears roaming my cheeks.
He didn't let up. "S'okay to be happy all the time. Promise me you will try to be happy no matter what. You promise?" Kossi moved his head so he could kiss my cheek before hugging me again. "Love you forever, Dashy. Always forever, okay?"
I was losing it now, having gone from sharing a normal breakfast with my little brother, to him flat out telling me to go on with my life even if he was no longer in it. Yeah, that sure as hell wasn't possible and was just never going to happen. But what was this even about? He wasn't sick or in danger, I just...
"Always forever, okay, Dashy?" He repeated with dura-metal determination in his voice, interrupting my morbid thoughts.
"Yeah, Kos, I promise." My own voice was lacking in determination but was instead raspy with sudden emotion. "Always forever. I will try hard to be happy no matter what. But I still need you, all right? I'm not letting you go anytime soon."
"I know. No other little brother in the whole entire galaxy has a big brother like mine. The best ever. Ever, ever, ever!"
He pulled away and smiled at me. Not a concerned smile, but a joyful one. The one he was most famous for. The one that always made me happy.
"Only because I have the best little brother in the whole entire galaxy."
"Here," Kossi reached back to his plate to grab the two pieces of bantha bacon there. "Last pieces are for you. You gave me all the puff-cakes this morning, because we don't have a lot of money for food, right?" I nodded. As much as I'd tried to hide that fact, I always failed. And he constantly called me on it. I'd give up the world for my little brother. A few extra bits of breakfast - despite my growling stomach - were nothing.
I nodded and accepted the bacon that he then stuffed right into my mouth. Delicious, mouth watering, I could've eaten ten pounds of the stuff. Money was tough though. Kossi and I had talked about that many times. I made sure we had two meals a day. Beyond that, I promised nothing. And when we had less, I made certain he was the one to finish with the fuller belly.
This morning, I'd gotten food from the crappy diner down the way. The old lady there always felt sorry for me, mostly because she knew Kossi. When I'd taken him with me there, he'd talk to her and smile at her and laugh with her. A kid that could take your bad day and turn it around in less than five minutes. How was that for talent? It also helped us get food when money was extremely tight - which was about every day of our lives now. When our parents passed a year ago, I'd stopped going to school and started working anywhere and everywhere to make what I could. Odd jobs, this and that. After rent - because I had to keep a roof over our heads - whatever was left was for food. It was never much, but we made due. I'd keep making due to have my brother safe and healthy and happy. I needed him happy. I needed him with me. Without him... no, that just wasn't even a thought I could process and I had to make absolute certain that he knew that.
I stood and walked over to where he stood at the sink cleaning up the breakfast plates. We only had two plates to our name - we'd had five at one point - and it didn't take long for Kossi to proclaim himself the 'official forever cleaner-upper' in order to keep me and my 'clumsy hands' away from them. Turning his head toward me and seeing my eyes, he set the plates gently down and stepped into my arms to wrap him in a hard hug.
Yeah. My turn for determination.
"Hey, Kos, I need you. I need you everyday. So don't go anywhere without me. Not ever."
"Dashy, I'll try hard for you. I'll try really really hard."
"I know you will."
I released him. "M'gonna finish the plates so I can go to school and you won't be late for work."
"Yup, can't be late. I'm working for Grunley today."
"He's weird. And he's a thief too, does that make you a thief, Dashy?"
"Well, he's not really a thief - it's hard to explain - but today I'm supposed to move some things from his care to his cousin in Loma. He said I could make bonus money if I did it without local security knowing. So that makes it, well... okay it does sound a little criminal-like, but I promise, I'm not stealing anything. Just moving things around. Rent is due soon and with the cold season moving in, we need to make sure we don't end up sleeping in a dirty alley somewhere. A roof over our heads and food in our bellies, those are our most important things, right?"
"No. Brothers first. Then roof and food."
He always corrected me when I left us out of the list of what was most important. "You are right. Little brothers first, then roof, then food."
"No. That's wrong too. Big brothers come first because the big brother takes care of the little brother."
"And he loves it."
I finished him up and made sure he had his bag for school. He'd have to walk, he usually did. I had no time to make sure he had a ride or get him there myself. My work usually started early, that we shared breakfast together was important though. Every morning. Our routine.
"You ready, little brother?"
"Yup."
"Good. Learn some fun stuff and I'll see you for dinner."
Dinner. Our second important routine. Every evening when work didn't keep me occupied.
"I will. Love you, Dashy!"
"Love you back, Kos."
Our third and final routine came every evening before bed without fail. Keeping some sense of routine in our lives since we'd been on our own, Kossi had a set bedtime. But he insisted on story time each night - making up our own stories that is. He'd come up with a line, then I'd make up a line. This would go on until until his green eyes could no longer stay open and there was just enough energy left to hug me goodnight.
This night however, was far too similar to our conversation earlier in the day. It was eerie in a way and all of it was intentional. Kossi never did anything without reason, even if that reason was just to get someone to return a smile and wave from across the way. His every action and word had a purpose.
His sleepy voice said, "...the monster wasn't a creature after all, but a man. A bad man. He hurt the young cub and left his brother cubs to weep for him. The brother cub would be sad for a long time, but one day, he'd be happy again. And then..."
Passing the story off to me, but my lips could utter no words at the reoccurring theme that had been penetrating Kossi's mind today. I went quiet and stayed that way for long minutes until Kossi poked me.
"Dashy, it's your turn. You gotta finish the story."
"Kos," I began, trying to shake the sadness from my head. "Why is this story so unhappy? You usually like silly stories or space stories before bed."
My little brother shrugged against his pillow, "Dunno. It came to my mind. It's just a story, big brother. It's not real, it's okay."
"Yeah, yeah, I know, it's just... No, it's all right. It is just a story that we made up. I'm okay and you're okay and I think we need to call it a night and get you tucked in."
"But we didn't finish the story. It needs an ending."
I sighed and stuck a crappy ending on the thing. "Okay, so the brother cub lived a hard life after that until it became not so difficult one day. And he lived happily ever after. The end."
That sucked, I know, and Kossi called me out on it.
"That was not a good ending. You need to practice more."
"I know, sorry. Today is not my best day. Too much thinking I guess."
"Because you're hungry. You didn't eat a lot of dinner. Didn't you make money today on your job?"
"I did, but I put it most of it away."
"You should buy food with it and eat it."
"I know I should."
"You can get sick if you don't eat good, Dashy, and then there's no one to take care of me if you get sick."
This damn kid and his damn logic. At least he'd hadn't made that last part sound like he was leaving me on my own forever. Somehow he'd reversed it on me.
"I promise to eat better, if you promise to go to bed."
"I promise to go to bed, if you promise to eat dinner. Your stomach was grumbling the whole time during the story."
"That was the monster making all that noise. Yeah, the monster." I tried to lighten the conversation. Little brother was having none of it.
"No, Dashy, that was your stomach. Please eat. You don't always have to worry about me. I'm small, it doesn't take much money to feed me. You worry all the time. You worry too much."
It wasn't a lie. I did worry constantly about him, me, us. Shelter. Food. Work. School. Our future. Our past. Our now. I'd halfway hoped he didn't catch on, but nothing got by my little brother. And he wasn't going to let this go until I got myself up and walked down to the diner to grab myself a meal.
I relented, as was often the case. "Okay, I'll go get food. You stay here though. I don't want you out in the dark. I'll lock the door, don't let anyone in."
"Promise!"
I grabbed one of the three credit chits I'd made today and hurried the few minute walk to the diner and back. Kossi was not in bed as he should have been when I returned, but was waiting for me at our table. Apparently, he'd promoted himself to Meal Supervisor.
"Kossi, bedtime. Now. Come on. I got the food. I will eat it."
"I have to make sure. You worry about me, so I worry about you. That's how it is."
"I don't want you to worry about me, little brother."
"Because you'll be okay, no matter what?"
"Can we please not have that discussion again?"
I was frustrated, he saw it. I hated myself for it. I never got angry with my brother. Annoyed yes, we were brothers after all, but never angry. He was all I had and I couldn't afford to lose him in any way, shape or form.
His eyes fell flat; an unnatural look on a normally joyful face. "I'm sorry. I won't say anything else about it."
"Kos, come on. That's not what I meant. It's been a very long, very strange day and I'm tired and... frustrated and confused and hungry... and... ugh, damn it!"
I wearily set the the food container onto the table and rubbed my face in my hands until a smaller hand tugged at my arm. Kossi sat me down and set one arm across my back and the other across my rib cage. Then he snuggled in and didn't move until I'd finished the entire meal. It's not all that easy to enjoy the first filling meal you've had in however long with a seven year old strapped to your side, but it was right. It was good. It was Kossi making his big brother feel better when things felt wrong all around.
"You were right, Kos. I haven't been eating enough. I'll do better. My stomach stopped growling."
"It's much quieter, those noises were funny," he said, still plastered to my side. I got he feeling he had no plans to move. "M'gonna stay with you tonight, Dashy, so you can feel better."
That was little brother code for he planned on taking up the majority of my bed probably melted into me all night long. It was something he'd done since he was a baby. We lived small and Kossi and I shared a pillow for most of our lives until our parents died. Now, he slept on a couch and me on the only bed in the tiny apartment because it's how we fit. Since we'd moved here, it wasn't usual for him to curl up next to me in the middle of the night and take over the bed. I have nightmares, I admit. Kossi knew that. Had seen and heard them many times. He hated for his big brother to be scared, so it took it upon himself to stop the scary things by gluing himself to me.
No lies, it helped. And other than his bony little stick arms jabbing into my side and chest and occasionally my face, I didn't mind. It kept the bad dreams at bay, it was worth it.
"You can stay with me. But no more stories tonight. Sleep. Got it?"
"Big brother's order?"
"Big brother's order."
"Okay. I'll get my pillow."
I cleaned up, changed into my sleep clothes and tossed myself into bed. The tiny black-haired, green-eyed torpedo fired across the room, leaped into my bed and quickly tucked himself into the crook of my arm. I tossed an arm around him.
"Dashy, I hope you have a better day tomorrow."
"Me too. I bet it'll be better."
"I can stay home from school if you need me to be with you."
I smiled as my chin nuzzled on the top of his head. Stars how much did I love my little brother? Beyond what words could express.
"You'd do that for me, I know. I'll be okay."
"You promise?"
"Promise."
"Always forever, no matter what?"
I gave up on getting him away from that train of thought that he seemed stuck in today. Exhausted and worn out, I gave him my whole hearted promise. "Yeah, Kos. No matter what. Go to sleep now."
"I talk a lot sometimes."
"You do."
"Sometimes it's because I'm happy. Sometimes because I'm scared. Sometimes, it's just because."
"Because it's who you are but how about we stop talking for now."
"Your stomach is still quiet." He said as he poked my belly with a finger. "I'm glad it's not hungry anymore."
"Me too. Hey Kos?"
"Yeah?"
"Stop talking now."
"I can't."
It was rare, but he got like this occasionally. Generally it happened when he was concerned about me. Over this past year and even when our folks were alive, there was only one thing that really got him to settle down. I gave in to it. Maybe it was best for the both of us.
"After school tomorrow, we'll go to the hills, watch the ships take off from the spaceport and look at the stars." Kossi's favorite thing in the galaxy - other than his big brother - watching the stars and anything that had to do with out there beyond where he could reach. He'd get there one day, it's what he always told me. Flying through the stars. I could only imagine the day.
—-
We sat together in our favorite spot on our favorite hill. Yes, my little brother had a favorite hill - the one that "shines purple in the sun" to be specific. It was a hike there, but I'd taken the other two hard-earned credit chits and splurged to make sure we had food and water for the night and into the morning. Our parents had started us here when we all needed a break from the city. Kossi and I continued the tradition after they died. We found the tree that our mom had loved most and settled under it, me leaning on it's sturdy trunk and Kossi lying horizontal with his head pillowed in my lap. This after we'd stuffed ourselves silly with too much food. It felt nice to have had two full meals in a row, though I'd pay for the spending spree soon enough. But we'd needed this. Breaking the monotony that had become our lives, living day to day, making sure little brother had the tools he needed to live his happy life. I'd be happy as long as he was. Without him, I... no, no. Just no. No matter the strange conversations of the past week, I wasn't wandering down that path again.
My right hand stroked his dark hair as he gazed into the sky and marveled at the stars. His fingers following the trail of every ship that took off from the Kaolin spaceport - tracing it's path until lights faded.
"One day, Kos. I know you'll be there."
"I will. I bet it's amazing and beautiful and nothing like I can imagine. You get to go with me too. There. Into the stars. There's so many of them. I bet there's billions and billions."
"Too many to count?"
"Way too many. I wish we could go there now."
"If I had the means, little brother, I'd take you in a second."
"I know you would. Because you love me, right, Dashy?"
"Because I love you more than anything in the galaxy."
Kossi's voice began to sag as the excitement of the stars turned into one tied little boy. There was a yawn and he reached for my free hand as my right hand continued to stroke his hair.
He was hovering just before the deepest reaches of sleep when I heard,
"I know you'll be okay." Is what he said in such a whisper it was almost inaudible. And with those quiet words, that helpless feeling came over me again. Seemed to be the theme for the week.
I said nothing more, just let my actions speak. Whatever he was feeling in recent days, it was beyond me. Beyond my comprehension. Kossi had always been wiser than me. Stronger than me. Better than me. He made me who I was. Who I would become in whatever future lay head for us.
My head fell back easily against the support of the sturdy tree, eyes closing. Kossi's breathing was deep, relaxed, moving in a slow rise and fall under my hand that continued to caress his hair. Hair so much like mine. Eyes to match. We were brothers, family, in every sense of the word. Without him, I'd be lost beyond those words. Was that healthy? No. Was it truth? Yes. I had no purpose beyond Kossi. I had no need for a purpose beyond him. It's simply how it was.
And when we woke the next morning - bright and early with the perfect sunrise to our east - I was tucked tightly around him. For protection. For comfort. For everything in between. There was a finger I felt, gently tracing the dried tear tracks on my cheek. My eyes opened to see his - mirrors of my own - inches away.
"Dashy. You shouldn't be sad."
"I know. I'm better now." I was. The sleep had done me good despite the unsettling dreams about being left alone in this galaxy without my brother. Somewhere in the night, probably when Kossi had readjusted his position and curled around me on purpose, those dreams faded away. I felt brighter today. Lighter. Ready to enjoy the stunning beauty of the hills with the only person that mattered in my life.
"I'm glad you're better because I have to pee and then we can race to the next hill."
"I'm glad you put those things in the correct order."
Kossi laughed. A sound that could light up a planet.
Pushing away from me and disappearing a short distance behind another tree, he hurried back, folded his blanket into a neat pile and then dragged me off the ground. As I shook the sleep from my mind, he got himself ready. I knew exactly what was coming.
"See that tree with the orange leaves on the next hill?" I did. It was the same tree he always pointed to when we visited here. "Last one there sleeps with swamp rats!" His challenge and battle cry all at once. Still no idea where he got that from, but his short legs flew over the grasses while I galloped awkwardly behind. Didn't matter that I lost every time - and not on purpose - I always won in the end.
Kossi would get there, tag the tree, hold his hands up in victory then cheer me on as I finished. His final call of "Yay! Dashy!" when I made it to that orange-leafed tree never once failed to make me smile a big old goofy grin. A healthy grin. A happy one.
How damn lucky was I? Beyond.
Kossi wrapped arms around my waste, always to hug the loser big brother, right before he raced me back from where we'd come. Apparently I'd be doing a lot of sleeping with swamp rats in the near future.
This was gonna be one of those days.
One of those days that I'd never forget.
One of those days to revel in the joy that was Kossi Lesedi. And as we raced back to the other hill - with more threats to sleep with swamp rats of course - I knew with every fiber of my being that there was no life - happy or not - that I could ever have without him.
END
