Chapter Title: To Let Go

Series Title: Unlikely Brothers

Ages in this chapter: Tanner (14) Dashen (20)

POV: Dashen

Chapter Summary: Takes places during the events of Chapter 101 - "The Right Thing" - the evening after the events leading to the death of street healer Fasullo.


Cried myself to sleep that night. Hadn't meant to do it. Just happened.

Fasullo was dead. The tears weren't for him. They were because of him.

Dirty street healer that he was. I'd been lost in my head with grief when he'd offered to 'help' me. Death sticks were the easy way out and for a price, he'd fed them to me gladly with greed in his evil blackened heart.

The drugs hadn't killed me and I'd sunk deeper into my depression.

The loss of my brother Kossi, having pushed me beyond the brink of wanting to exist.

It was a time I've never been proud of, but it was part of me that I accepted.

Now Fasullo was gone. Forever. The long running fear that had on occasion dropped me to my knees - that he'd one day resurface to hurt Tanner - had died with him.

I'd known it was a worry. The depth of it I'd not known. Until now. Relief so intense, so great, that when the chaos of the day concluded, I simply broke down.

"You all right, kid?" The voice came from my bedroom doorway. Colton. He knew. He saw. Hell, he probably watched the relief physically flood off of me after Fasullo burned. You know, I hadn't known Colton all that well during my time with Kossi. But he'd seen the before and aftermath, or at least parts of it. It's why he'd wasted no time shooting the man in the head not only to save his friend Tago, but to also bring finality to my nightmare.

I cleared emotion from my throat. My head buried in my pillow in the dark room. "Didn't know I'd been holding onto this for so damn long."

"It's over."

"His plans for Tanner had he gotten ahold of him... Colt... if we hadn't stopped..."

"Dashen, stop. He's dead. He can't hurt you or your brother. You worry so much and I get why, kid, I really do. But sometimes you've gotta know when to let go."

My hitched breaths slowed as I shuttered them in and out, deep and easy. Tanner had taught me that. The only part of his boring meditation that I'd ever admit to being useful. It did help. Colton being nearby also helped. I didn't like needing anyone, but I did need. Always had. Never expected it from a crime lord though. That part always gave me a good laugh even though I knew Colton's outward appearance and reputation was worlds different than what actually lay under those hardshell layers.

"Need to process it all. That time after Kossi was mind numbing. It was like someone pulled me apart, tore me to pieces and then jammed me back together and I had to figure out how to make myself functional again. Damn kid ripped the heart out me when he died. He was everything to me, you know?"

"I do. You've done good for yourself since then. Real good, kid. It was hard as hell and I imagine it still is, but time passes and life keeps moving."

"Wish it didn't always move so fast. The further I get from Kossi the more I think I lose him completely."

"You feel guilty because he's not constantly on your mind?"

"This one stupid part of my brain thinks maybe I'll forget him."

"Dash, you know as well as I do, that just won't ever happen. No matter what that one stupid part of your brain says. You don't forget the ones you love, you just learn to deal with them being gone."

"Kossi was my world, Colt. My whole damn world for eight years. After our folks died, I had nothing else. Nothing."

"I know."

"And I really don't know if I want to learn to deal with him being gone."

"Dash, you've been doing it. Every day when you get out of bed, or go to work or look after Tannerlin. Each moment is a step to living. Doesn't mean you forget."

"It hurts. Still."

"It'll hurt forever."

"Fasullo is dead."

"He is."

"One less problem."

"For you, one less worry. He can't hurt your brother. And he can't take away the eight years you shared with Kossi."

"Yeah. I know." I paused for long seconds, thinking before I said, "Colt, I have a weird life."

"That you do."

"Is Tanner okay? Sleeping?"

"Oh, he's fine. Had his head buried in the pillow a few minutes ago."

"Used his magic a lot. Maybe wore him out. He has a weird life too."

I heard Colton stand and he took the two steps from chair to bed. Still in the dark, but I could feel him pull the blanket over me. I'd kicked it clear in my struggle to not be hysterical. "Maybe he gets it from you." He said quietly. "Maybe he enjoys being like his big brother."

"Stars, Colt, he's so much better than I'll ever be."

"Always hard on yourself too. I give you a tough time because it's my job and occasionally entertaining. You shouldn't always do the same. You've lived a lot of life in your twenty years. More than most. It's all right to take a break from your faults."

"Faults. Damn. Got a lot of those."

Colton moved away from me. I could barely see his large form in the soft light of the hallway beyond the bedroom. He stopped at the doorway.

"You've got two. Both mentioned already. You worry too much and and you're hard on yourself. And if that's the worst, then you're a pretty damned good kid. Still an idiot. But that's just fact, not necessarily a fault."

My mouth tugged at a smile. "Best damn idiot you've ever known."

"I'd agree. Get some rest, Dash. You've earned it."

As one presence vanished, another appeared. Much shorter. Much less intimidating. Tanner socked in, fully aware that I was awake. Fully tuned into my emotional state. He didn't announce himself or ask me how I was, he simply crawled into my bed, tucked himself close and fell quickly into sleep. It's something Kossi would have done. It's something he had done when he knew I was upset.

In some strange way, this almost felt like Tanner telling me that no

matter about he and I, Kossi would never really be gone.

I swear at times, part of my baby brother existed in Tanner. Not possible, I realize, but it was eerie their similarities.

I focused back onto my breathing. Tanner, solid against me, I could feel his breath already deep into sleep rhythm. If I could follow... if i could let go as Colton had said.

I breathed.

Fasullo was dead. The threat was gone. My choice... my choice was to either keep an unhealthy stranglehold on that horrible time and those horrible memories... or begin to try and let go.

Maybe... maybe I could try.

Kossi deserved better. Tanner deserved better.

Maybe I did too.


END