Chapter 109

Sansa frowned as she looked at the tallies, a lump of dragonglass on the table. "You have permission to take the trees you need to make as many dragonglass arrows as we can. For the labor; how many men do you need?"

"For Winterfell? Four hundred if the next ship makes harbor this moon." Lord Cerwyn frowned at the reports he brought to her. "Four hundred regardless, I can have the men make enough of the arrow and spear shafts, bows, and shields we need in preparation to add the dragonglass even if the ship is delayed."

She lifted the sheet detailing how the dragonglass was being moved to specific keeps for processing. The weapons for the northwest were to be processed in Winterfell. "What could delay the second ship?"

"Depends on the manpower his Highness is able to gather in the south to increase the speed of the mining." Lord Cerwyn snorted. "Or the weather obviously."

Sansa internally groaned. Wonderful, Cerwyn was finding a sense of humor. But he was surprisingly competent at organizing transport. "The issue of Euron Greyjoy's fleet?"

"Our ships make poor targets." He waived off. "And they've been flying whaling colors and gear on deck."

She gave a faint nod, ah, practical and likely highly effective. "Good, our ships are prepared to defend themselves if it comes to it though?"

"Aye, your Grace." He smiled nodding. "Lord Manderly knows what he's doing with your ships."

Sansa didn't disagree, if she double-checked and doubted every action her advisors took she'd never sleep let alone rule. "Why are the arrowheads made to look so different?"

"Well, it's about piercing not ripping." Cerwyn excitedly reached for his case of the first prototypes of dragonglass weapons. Which is to say it was a few knives, spearheads, and arrowheads. "We've been testing which form will hold best. If we can collect and reuse them that would be dead useful." He pulled out one of the arrowheads. "This one-"

The door swung open, Brienne's voice interrupting them. "Hogg to see you, your Grace."

Sansa straightened, turning to face the door as Hogg stepped into the room. She instantly knew something was wrong. He was pale, every muscle tensed, eyes too wide and mouth thin. She'd never seen him like this before. "What's happened?"

"It-" He cut himself off, his eyes flicking to Cerwyn, and then Maester Wolkan. And he certainly had clocked the three members of the guard within earshot. "Her Holiness returned to the tower. If you would come, your Grace?"

Sansa's blood felt like it'd been turned to ice in her veins. Because that was wrong. "Lord Cerwyn, Maester Wolkan, we'll continue this tomorrow. You are dismissed. Ser Loras, with me." She stepped quickly. "Hogg, explain as we walk."

Hogg instantly fell into step with her. His voice was low. "We don't know wha' the problem is, but something isn't right."

"Is she harmed?" Her voice was sharp, but it didn't seem to bother Hogg.

He shook his head. "Not that any of us can tell. Maybe…she's…messy."

Sansa flicked her eyes to him, her strides not slowing. "Messy?" Because it wasn't unusual for a certain level of unpolishedness to be about her wife's appearance. Laces and buttons not tight and/or not done all the way up, after flying her hair was generally a bit of a mess. But there was an artfulness, a purposefulness to it. It was never careless. It was stupidly attractive. The black paint she'd taken to wearing around her eyes since she'd first been to Highgarden certainly lent to the artful feel of her appearance.

"I don't know how else to put it, your Grace." Hogg grimaced. "She gave a test? I think we failed?" The radiating guilt mixed with his panic suddenly made a great deal of sense…his words on the other hand did not.

Sansa was grateful she walked quickly and with purpose. "Test?"

"Asked Robb ta jump." Hogg's distress was ever more clear with every word that slipped into slang and the hard accent he tried so hard to avoid when speaking since he'd been given command. "Then just…weird things. Somethin' was wrong like she were panicked almost?"

Which was out of character. Daisy might act like a wet cat on occasion, but panicked? She took action, she didn't panic. And to hear otherwise was alarming.

Sansa breathed the cold air in and forced her nerves to settle. Whatever was wrong it was still Daisy. She felt her spine set as she swept into the tower, and then up the stairs. It was clear the whole Order was confused and alarmed. Whatever was wrong was significant, and Sansa…nothing that she could possibly imagine having been wrong would prompt Daisy to order some Order men to jump a few times. She was alarmed and confused as she walked to the door to Daisy's chambers in the tower.

It struck Sansa that she hadn't actually been to Daisy's chambers in months as she rapped her knuckles on the door and then opened it. There was no point in announcing herself, Daisy would have known it was her long before she reached the door. So she didn't bother, merely entering and letting the door shut behind her.

Hogg…hadn't been lying. If anything, he'd understated how out of sorts Daisy was. She was pacing, her hair was mussed from having run her fingers through it, not just flight. The aketon or fashionably cut gambeson she had on was askew, the section of fabric that stretched across the front before fastening down the right side was unfastened, her linen shirt showed at the neck and beneath the aketon itself as it half hung on her. The shirt had certainly been slept in. Her face was clean of any brushed color. Her boots were from two different sets of shoes and as if it wasn't obvious from the vibration in the air, her distress was blatantly painted across her face.

"Daisy." Any thought of asking what was wrong fled her head. Sansa was to Daisy in four steps, one hand landing on Daisy's bicep, halting her pacing. "What happened? Are you hurt? Jon?"

Daisy shook her head but leaned into the touch. "Jon's fine. Sorry, it's fine. It's all fine."

"Daisy, what happened?" Sansa asked again.

This time Daisy flinched back away from her touch. She ran a hand through her hair. "I fucked up. I didn't realize how just…I should have noticed."

"Noticed what?" Sansa was considering calling for some tea and probably food. She was suddenly incredibly doubtful Daisy had eaten recently and she was as close to hysterical as she'd ever seen her. Maybe if she ate she'd stop panicking?

Daisy twitched. "If I told any man out there to jump off the highest tower of Winterfell they'd be doing it before I could even finish telling them to." She waived at the wall.

"They worship you," Sansa said slowly, that was…of course, they'd do as they were told?

She shook her head. "It wouldn't occur to them to say no, to ask why to do…anything. I could tell them to do anything, and they would do it."

"I don't understand, your followers know they can leave your service if they wish." Sansa knew whatever had happened it was bad. Had she meant something in jest and some idiot had killed someone or themself?

Daisy's shoulders were tight. "They don't object. They've never told me 'no' Sansa. Not once. And I didn't put it together."

"Put what together?" Sansa would have reached out again, but Daisy was faintly vibrating physically, not just the air. It was clear she didn't want to be soothed or likely even touched.

And Daisy's voice was thick. "Leonette and Garlan, they thought I was going to rape them."

Her eyes widened in stupefied confusion. "What?" She wasn't even expressing a question so much as her mind simply went blank.

"Or well, they thought I was going to rape one of them? Maybe both. But then I pulled Leonette aside and they both thought I was going to rape her. And Garlan just watched. He thought I was going to rape his wife and he just watched! And Leonette? She was going to let me!"

Sansa held up a hand, halting the words coming out of her wife's mouth. "How did they come to that conclusion?"

"I don't know!" Daisy closed her eyes, seeming to force herself to settle, breathing out. "After the Lannister army, the Tyrells were reverent, really reverent. And then they were, like trying to bribe me or appease me, or whatever. Which, side note, they are stupid rich. Anyways, like, whatever, so they figured out I like tea and sweet stuff. You'd be proud, I managed to not fuck up letting a servant help get me dressed and everything thanks to seeing you with Sera. The library there is really huge too. I'm turning into a nerd, your world did this to me. But it was fine."

She stepped to Daisy's bed and sat down, just listening to the rather jumbled words. Though she found herself quietly amused by how confused the Tyrells had to have been with Daisy's general lack of interest in the appropriate level of finery and such. It would seem none of them had asked her what she'd wanted. As baffling as it had been to hear at the time, it had certainly saved Sansa the rising level of panic Daisy was beginning to describe. Northern bluntness had its moments.

"Then the flirting started. Which, not that weird. I know I'm hot, and the whole power thing, and it was mostly kinda funny. But it was just so constant." Daisy waved a hand. "And you can only have someone giggle over you while batting their eyes, or try and keep their muscles flexed while batting their eyes so long before it's just boring. But there's not really a nice way to say 'fuck off' when it's a whole pack of people and not just like one person."

Sansa nodded, she remembered as a girl the way things had worked in the Red Keep. It didn't stop the warm affection she felt that Daisy was describing people throwing themselves at her as if their utter failure to entice her was a foregone conclusion.

"It helped to have Jon to shove at them, and then, well sometimes it was nice to talk to someone who wasn't flirting. And Garlan and Leonette are nice, married, and it was easy to talk to them. Them and Missandei were just nice to be around. Which, you'd like Missandei, nerves of steel. Which, fuck! I'm going to have to talk to her and make sure I didn't fuck that up too." Daisy looked genuinely pained.

"Garlan and Leonette Tyrell?" Sansa prompted before Daisy could spiral to the topic of, who if her memory severed was, Daenerys' translator.

Daisy nodded. "I knew they were nervous around me, but everyone is jumpy around me. It's just…I exploded an army for fucks sake. If I avoided everyone who was jumpy around me I'd be left with you Starks, the Umbers and some of the Dothraki. So I just ignored it, what else am I going to do? And if I act like nothing's wrong then eventually they'll get the idea I'm not going to hurt them."

Sansa sighed, "They thought you were indicating interest when you continually sought them out and no doubt ignored general rules of behavior then?"

"Yes and then, you know I can feel fetal heartbeats?" Daisy checked.

She gave a nod. "A babe in the womb, yes."

"But it's not…it's kinda hard to tell apart from like gas or just any sort of bubbling in the intestines. So I wasn't sure ya know? And my powers aren't controlled by my eyes or hands or whatever, but I had eyes and hands first so it's just easier. So I think I must have been looking at her more than usual? But once I was sure she was pregnant I pulled her aside to tell her. Like that's the kind of thing you're supposed to tell a person on their own. And they thought…they all thought…"

Sansa sighed, reaching out and catching Daisy's hands, gently pulling Daisy to her. "They thought you meant to bed her."

"When she realized what I actually was saying she just…she cried." Daisy's voice was faintly hoarse. "She thought I was going to rape her. Garlan thought I was going to rape his wife and he wasn't going to do a thing to stop it. The way they fear me is different from how people feared me in my world. I don't…how..." And Daisy grimaced as she dropped to her knees, pressing her head against Sansa's stomach.

She ran one hand over Daisy's back, her other hand cradling around the back of Daisy's head. "You didn't hurt her."

Daisy softened, some of the tension leaking out of her. "I can't terrorize people like that."

Sansa wished she could say that was even possible, but it wasn't. Her wife was a god. That kind of power so rarely came with a good heart. "If you are blunter it will help you avoid misunderstandings like this."

And Daisy clearly understood what she hadn't said, that people would always fear her in part. She didn't reply, just staying where she was.

Sansa hummed, scratching gently at Daisy's scalp. "You can't make them not feel fear. You can only be a better person than they believe you to be."

"I hate it." Daisy groaned. "Why would they think I could do that? Would want that?"

Sansa brushed Daisy's hair away to see her wife's face. "Because you hold power, and those with power take what they want."

Daisy grimaced. "I'm not a god, I shouldn't have this level of power. Not like this."

"But you have it." Sansa didn't soften that. She was…unsure of why this was upsetting Daisy so much, it was…nothing. Nothing had happened. No one had been hurt.

Daisy sighed, pushing back till she was on her heels looking up at her. "They're acting like I own them. The Order acts like I own them. That's not… it's not right."

"The Tyrells are in your debt," Sansa spoke slowly. "They are in Daenerys' debt. And they are about to pay their debt to Daenerys by putting every piece of gold, every man capable of holding a sword, every piece of their power and influence at her back. They will spend generations paying for their lives with absolute loyalty."

Daisy ran a hand through her hair."I set the price."

"Not one they paid." It was so…obvious to Sansa that she wasn't entirely sure how to explain it.

Daisy was on her feet again then. "Sansa, how far would I have to go for someone to say 'no'?"

"It's not that simple and you know it," Sansa replied.

Which, Daisy nodded at that. "It's…this feels different Sansa. This kind of power it's not…fuck."

"Eloquent." She said dryly. "Why now? What about this is so terrible? No one was harmed. I'm sure you've done something ridiculous like apologize. So why this, why now?"

Daisy…rather slumped. She stepped over and sat down beside her on the foot of the bed. Her voice was thick. "Because I didn't know. I terrorized two people for weeks, and I like them."

"Oh." Sansa reached out, taking one of Daisy's hands, threading their fingers together.

She looked at her and Daisy just looked exhausted. "What would have happened if we weren't together? I could have raped her, or Garlan, or just someone, and not known till god knows how long after."

"You keep saying rape, but someone as clearly opposed to the idea as Leonette wouldn't have managed to hide that. You would have realized that and we both know you wouldn't have insisted. But I'm more surprised she was that distressed by the prospect than anything else." Really, Sansa wasn't even being biased in the matter.

Daisy stilled. "What do you mean?"

"You're not serious?" Sansa huffed.

But Daisy didn't laugh or show any humor. "Sansa."

She blinked. "You're powerful, generous, gentle, and gorgeous. Do you know how rare it is for those things to all be true of a person? Even if someone wasn't in love with you, or even particularly inclined towards you it would hardly be a burden."

Daisy went pale, her hand going faintly slack in Sansa's. "I…that doesn't make it better."

"Of course it does?" Sansa knew there was a sound like repressed laughter in her voice. Because of course, it made a difference. "We all have duties, having them be tolerable or even pleasant makes a world of difference."

With a faint jerk, Daisy pulled back, her hand leaving Sansa's, the entire room faintly shook for a fraction of a second.

"What's wrong?" Sansa felt a swooping sensation in her stomach. She'd never seen Daisy like this. It was alarming.

Daisy wet her lips as she hesitated. "Duty…Sansa, have you ever let me touch you when you didn't want me to?"

Oh.

Sansa's mouth opened slightly but no sound left her throat.

A high-pitched whine came from the back of Daisy's throat. And then she lunged for the side of the bed grabbing the untouched chamber pot and wretched.

"Daisy!" Sansa was instantly at her side, pulling her hair out of the way, not that it was really needed. "No, Daisy no."

Sansa rubbed circles into Daisy's back, and for fucks sake they were on the floor, again. She pressed her forehead between Daisy's shoulder blades. "No, never. Do you hear me? Never. I chose you." She pulled Daisy back as her heaving ceased, till they were sitting together, rather tangled on the floor. Sansa passed a handkerchief to her idiot, far too sweet, wife.

Daisy took the handkerchief wiping her mouth. Her eyes were cast down. "I-"

"No." Sansa cut her off firmly. She reached out and caught Daisy's face between her hands, gently tilting her head up, so that she was looking at her. "You will not make one of the most wonderful things in my life into something ugly. Do you understand?"

And oh gods, Daisy looked about ready to cry, her eyes shimmery with unformed tears.

Sansa gently pressed their foreheads together. She could feel the defeat in her wife. Her nose also wrinkled slightly at the smell of vomit. Fine, she was fixing this ridiculousness. Because it was ridiculous, but that didn't mean it wasn't real or painful. She pulled back. "Come on, you are going to get up and you're going to rinse your mouth out."

"Ok." Daisy agreed softly. She climbed onto her feet, automatically offering out a hand to Sansa as she did so.

Which, honestly, even miserable she was polite. Sansa accepted the hand up. She laid a hand on Daisy's shoulder. "Go rinse your mouth out." She sighed as Daisy did step to the sideboard to do so. Right. Sansa picked up the chamberpot and opened the door. "Loras."

Several steps away, Loras turned from where he'd been at his post while giving all the privacy possible. He stepped forward. "Your Grace?"

"Get rid of this." She passed the chamber pot to him. "And make my excuses, at least until the evening meal."

Loras paused as he accepted the bowl of sick, with a wrinkled nose. "What should I say?"

"Something complicated came up with negotiations in the south that her Holiness was unsure of how to navigate due to not being from our world." Which hopefully was vague enough while being unalarming.

He glanced at the chamber pot. "And this?"

"Your morning meal didn't agree with you." There was no way to make the queen or their god retching not sound alarming. Of course, some members of the court would know something was being hidden, but they'd settle when nothing came of it.

Loras grimaced but gave a nod, and turned to go hunt down an Order member likely to help so he didn't have to leave his post.

Sansa closed the door and turned to face her wife who still looked miserably defeated, eyes cast to the floor. Wonderful, if she was ever forced south for some gods forsaken reason she was going to strangle Lady Olenna. Because even from here she could sense the woman's fingerprints in pressuring her own family enough that Leonette would have an actual breakdown. Sansa wasn't feeling like being fair about it. She also was fairly sure defeat was the only reason Daisy was still in the room.

Which was all just ridiculous. But if Daisy wanted to be obtuse enough to make an Umber look brilliant, then fine. She'd explain it. "On the bed, I don't think your floor can take any more pacing."

Also, they were going to have a serious conversation without sitting on the floor. She sat on the side of the bed and looked at Daisy pointedly. It took a second, but Daisy did finally shuffle over and climb onto the bed, hesitantly. Her legs pulled up off the floor, as she sat facing her, if not looking at her.

Sansa carefully pulled them down so that they were laying, facing each other.

"Sorry for…just..." Daisy trailed off.

She pulled Daisy closer. "No, listen to me, you have never harmed me."

Daisy swallowed thickly, before speaking slowly. "Do you think you owe me anything? It's not a duty. Why would you call it-" She choked slightly.

Sansa breathed out, gathering her thoughts. And Daisy seemed stuck on things that didn't matter. "It was not long after we returned to Winterfell, after Barrowtown that I first wanted you. It scared me." She made sure to keep a hold of Daisy. "Not of you, but of just all of the rest of it. I was never going to do anything about it."

Which, her words seemed to be trickling into Daisy's head. Her eyes closed, her breathing shaky.

"It was safer to do nothing, besides, you never gave cause for me to think my feelings were returned. But I could have your friendship and companionship, and I thought I was content with that. And then you just kept being lovely." She ran her fingers through Daisy's hair, her nails scratching at Daisy's scalp as she moved some of Daisy's hair out of her face. "You made it rather difficult to not act. And if you'll remember I kissed you with no warning."

Daisy had actually opened her eyes, watching her carefully as she spoke.

"Do you remember the night after Jon left for White Harbor? You hadn't been to my rooms since the day before when we'd first laid together." Sansa asked.

"Yeah, I remember." One of Daisy's hands finally reached out, her fingers touching the thick fabric of Sansa's gown. "You hadn't eaten."

Sansa involuntarily smiled at the reminder of that detail. "You carried me to bed. And how many times have you stopped to help me breathe because I started to panic while we were intimate?"

"Don't you dare apologize for that." Daisy's eyes snapped up to meet Sansa's for the first time since this whole mess of a conversation had begun.

She held her wife's eyes. "Then don't tell me that what we have is ugly." She rolled her eyes. "For gods sake Daisy, I married you. Not for politics. It's the dumbest thing we could have done politically. I love you."

Daisy blinked rapidly, and then she was crying as she ducked forward, pressing her forehead against Sansa's sternum, her shoulders shaking. Her words came out between choked sobs. "I'm sorry. So sorry. But if I'd…hurt you."

She wrapped her arms around her wife as she sobbed. And it hurt, to hear and see her like this. But as Sansa closed her eyes, just holding Daisy to her, she felt an incredible swell of gratitude. Gratitude that someone like Daisy could even exist, that she was hers. "You've never hurt me, I promise. I wouldn't be here if you had. I wouldn't have married you." Sansa burned with the truth of it, of what Daisy meant to her.