Author's Notes: I got so excited when irishais posted a prompt for Nida/Xu because I've been wanting to explore their dynamic for a while. I hope you enjoy their side story along with my usual Seifer/Quistis.


The coming of a person
is, in fact, a tremendous feat.
Because he
comes with his past and present
and
with his future.
Because a person's whole life comes with him.
Since it is so easily broken
the heart that comes along
would have been broken — a heart
whose layers the wind will likely be able to trace,
if my heart could mimic that wind
it can become a hospitable place.

- "The Visitor" by Chong Hyon-jong (정현종) -
[Translation via Shining Korean Blog]


Chapter 1: You're Punk Because


"I hope you don't mind drinking instant coffee."

Rinoa happily accepted the mug from Quistis. "As long as you don't mind having Angelo over!"

Angelo gave a satisfied bark, circled around Quistis' chenille rug, and settled onto its center in a nap-ready posture.

"Angelo is welcome to my room anytime," assured Quistis. "Thank you for accepting my last-minute invitation. I really didn't mean to sound so…"

"Deranged?" teased Rinoa.

Quistis dropped her head into her hands. "Yes, I think I'm quite close to becoming deranged."

She had sent the text to Rinoa at three o'clock in the morning without being aware of the time. She had also failed to catch a handful of elementary spelling errors. It had been like a drunk text, only there was no intoxication involved.

"I'm just kidding!" Rinoa stamped out her smile to make way for a serious conversation. "There's something big going on in your life, isn't there?"

"I…" Quistis decided to cut straight to the point. "I was wondering if we could discuss your sorceress powers."

Rinoa leaned in with muted curiosity. "What do you want to know?"

"Is there a way to enter a person's subconscious?"

"You mean a…possession?" Rinoa said the last word in a whisper.

Quistis held up her hands in alarm. "Not a possession!" She was more than aware that her friend was still recovering from the trauma of being under Ultimecia's control. "I mean it more in the sense of getting a feel for someone's state of mind."

"Like when Ellone connects with someone using her mental link?"

"That's the closest analogy I can think of, though it wouldn't be for the purpose of experiencing their past memories," clarified Quistis. "I'm interested in the present, in finding out about their…"

Rinoa's eyes grew wide with anticipation.

"Their emotions, their hopes, and their dreams," finished Quistis hurriedly.

"Oh…" She could tell that Rinoa was trying hard to respect her privacy. "And this person is cool with the whole idea? Got their full consent and everything?"

"This person gave me permission to do whatever it takes to heal them."

Whatever it takes.

It was a bold statement, perhaps sacrilegious. How could a human being—fallen, broken, confused—be expected to repair another human being who was just as blind, if not more so?

"…But I wouldn't want them to know that I'm entering their subconscious."

Rinoa gulped down her coffee, set aside the mug, and hugged her knees. "Quisty, you do realize that you're making it pretty obvious who this other person is, right…?"

Quistis turned away with a deep sigh.

Yes, it was painfully clear that she was spending a lot of time in Balamb these days. She told everyone that her visits were for work—that much was the truth. She just conveniently left out the part where her work life bled into her personal life and vice versa.

"What is it like, being Seifer's therapist?" wondered Rinoa. "I can't imagine that would be an easy job even on his best days."

Quistis' tone turned self-deprecating. "Please don't confer such a dignified title on me! Believe me when I say that I'm just as upset as Seifer that he got stuck with a second-rate ex-instructor who can barely remember the different types of psychological projections."

The war crimes tribunal had demanded that Balamb Garden pay the costs for Seifer Almasy's therapy sessions. With a rapidly collapsing budget, the best solution they could supply was Quistis Trepe. The administration noted she had successfully passed a three-part series of psychotherapy elective courses that had eventually been scrapped from Garden's curriculum due to lack of enrollment. More significantly, she was probably the only individual who could be adequately trusted to preserve her client's mental health.

She felt rather uncomfortable with the term client. It only served to remind her that she did not have the proper qualifications to carry out her tasks.

"I'll look into this," promised Rinoa. "I can see that helping Seifer is important to you."

"Thank you, Rinoa." Quistis was relieved that her friend wasn't pressing her with further questions. For now, at least. "Especially for your discretion."

Rinoa winked at her. "If anyone asks—especially Selphie—you're just giving me private lessons in Triple Triad."

"That sounds like a plausible cover story."

"I'm safe as long as nobody challenges me to cards!"

Quistis smiled, feeling at ease now that she had Rinoa's genuine support. "If you'd like, I can still teach you how to play."

Angelo let out an urgent whine.

Rinoa eyed her companion with interest. "You think so, girl?"

An emphatic bark.

"Angelo thinks your plan is great," Rinoa translated to Quistis, "but at the same time she wants you to be careful!"

Quistis gave her a grim smile.


Seifer rented a small cottage by the Balamb Harbor. Fujin and Raijin lived with him but were often away on fishing trips. Quistis did not have the faintest idea what line of work Seifer was in, or if he even had a job, but he must have been occupied somewhere, with something, because he was usually dressed in business attire.

He was also habitually late to their home-based therapy sessions. He offered no apologies on such occasions, but after a few tardies he wordlessly gave her an extra set of keys to the house: one for the front door, one for the back door, and a third key that remained a complete mystery to her.

And so she became a visitor worthy of his trust, even if that trust was but the size of a grain of sand. She told herself that she had to start somewhere.

She frequently thought about Seifer's countenance. The image stayed with her even on the days she did not see him. Behind the self-importance and sarcasm, his eyes revealed to her that he did not dream. Perhaps there were no dreams left to nourish his soul.

She wasn't spooked by him. She was just sad for him.

He always denied any suicidal ideation, though she remained on the alert for subtle changes in his disposition.

Other than his smoking addiction and intermittent insomnia, he appeared to be a high-functioning individual, and any apathy or depression he might have been feeling was lost within this semblance of being able to take care of himself. That was the confounding thing about the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: those who failed to meet enough of the clinical criteria for a diagnosis were not guaranteed a life free of sickness and stress. If anything, these people fell back into the shadows of society with little to no support.

Quistis doubted she could become that source of support for Seifer.

But for some reason, she really wanted to make it work.


For the next visit, Quistis was prepared with drip coffee for Rinoa and a bowl of purified water for Angelo.

"I wanted to buy some kibble but had no idea which kind she would like…"

"Aw, you're the best. Thanks for thinking of Angelo."

"How's your day going?"

"Really, really well." Rinoa hummed triumphantly. "I have some great news for you!"

Quistis clasped her hands resolutely. "I'm all ears."

"First of all, it's easy-peasy for me to send one person into another person's subconscious. Both parties just need to be asleep, and this can either be natural or magical."

"For the initial attempt, I'd like to wait until Seifer falls asleep naturally. He almost always takes an afternoon nap right after our sessions."

Rinoa nodded. "The natural route sounds good. Do you think you can sync your Z's with him?"

"Napping on demand?" Quistis hesitated. "I'm not so confident in that."

"Okay, then I'll put you to sleep."

"I assume the experience ends when one of us wakes up."

"Mm-hmm, but I can extend the sleep spell if necessary. We'll practice a few times to make sure we can pull it off without any hitches."

"What are the possible hitches?"

"Well, I'm not just sending your mind into the other person. I'm sending ALL of you." Rinoa chewed her lip anxiously. "Like, anything that happens to your physical body in the subconscious world could potentially carry over into the real world. But your physical body would remain in the real world, if that makes sense."

"I understand." Quistis hugged her knees in a mirror image of Rinoa. "So I would be doing more than just observing."

"You would potentially interact with the version of himself that lives in his mind."

Quistis' stomach twisted into knots. "Are you saying that I could even…well, die inside of Seifer's subconscious?"

"Ha!" Rinoa chuckled nervously. "I mean, what are the odds that would actually happen…?"

"Hmm. Well, the chances of us killing each other depends on the day."

"Gosh, are your sessions that bad!?"

"Yes. No." Quistis' ambivalence was not a friend to her these days. "Either way, I want to give this a try if you're still up to it."

"I'm up to it!" Rinoa looked at her intently. "You're really serious about this subconscious business. Can I ask what's driving you to do it?"

"I can't explain it."

Quistis knew that she was approaching her temporary role with too much zeal. She wasn't getting paid any stipend for her additional work; she was certain her "client" would have ditched her by now if his freedom wasn't tied to the completion of fifty hours of required therapy; and she suspected that nobody was so much as glancing at her progress reports that she was faithfully submitting to the Garden administration each week.

She was nothing more than an earnest fool.

"Do you care about him?"

Quistis coughed. "Come again?"

"Seifer. Do you care about him?"

"Of course," answered Quistis without thinking. "I wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing if I didn't care about him in the first place."

Rinoa smiled shrewdly and shook her head. "I don't think that's completely true. You're a SeeD, Quisty! You do stuff you don't want to do all the time, but you do it because you're ordered to."

"You're right…" conceded Quistis, realizing her flawed logic.

"I think that Seifer has become more than a project to you," continued Rinoa gently. "I think that maybe he's carved a special place in your heart?"

"NO!" Quistis' denial was startling in the quiet of her room. She cringed and petted Angelo, who was looking at her with concern. "Sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice. I absolutely do not think of him in that way. I'm just concerned for his well-being."

"Okay, I believe you," said Rinoa casually. She raised her brows and smiled again. "But do you believe yourself?"

Quistis fell back onto the rug next to Angelo.

"I don't know anymore."


"What are some things that make you feel stressed?"

"Instructor." Seifer yawned from his spot on the couch. "How honest am I allowed to be?"

"Everything you tell me will be held in strict confidentiality," recited Quistis. "Everything except sui—"

"Yeah, I got it. 'Mandated Reporter' and all." He narrowed his eyes to slits. "Well, you stress me out, mostly."

"And what about me stresses you out?"

"Your inflated sense of self-righteousness."

Not five minutes into the session and she already wanted to clock out.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she replied stiffly. "How can I make you feel more comfortable during our talks?"

"For starters? Why don't you stop trying to save me," he snapped, "and just treat me like your equal, okay?"

Quistis' face flushed—not because she was upset, but because she recognized some truth in Seifer's accusation, and boy did it sting.

"Okay, Seifer." She took a zen-inducing breath. "I apologize for all the times that I wielded my authority over you in ways that made you feel small."

He gave a halfhearted grunt.

"Let's move onto some other questions."

"Fine."

She glanced at the conversation prompts on her clipboard. "How do you cope with your stress?"

"Cigarettes, music, and axe throwing."

"That's…pleasant, I guess." His answer was less obnoxious than she expected, and she had to give him credit for that. "What, um, music do you like to listen to?"

"Gregorian chant."

Quistis tutted. "Your real answer, please."

"That is my real answer."

"Oh. Sorry."

He grinned. "…Not!"

It was her turn to scowl.

"I'm really into punk these days. Y'know, opposition to The Establishment."

"I see," she said calmly. "So you're drawn to this mindset of…"

"Of self-expression and individuality, yeah." He grabbed a stress ball, tossed it into the air, and caught it with bored precision. "You familiar with the genre?"

Quistis scribbled down some notes. "No, not really."

"That's too bad. I think you'd like it."

"Why do you think I'd like it?" She crinkled her nose, trying to figure out if Seifer was making fun of her. "Punk rock just brings to mind ripped mesh and fanned mohawks."

"You need to look beyond the stereotypes," he scoffed.

"Why don't you explain it to me?" she suggested.

Toss, catch.

"You're punk because you're sick of conformity."

Toss, catch.

"You're punk because you're sick of selling out."

Toss, catch.

"You're punk because…"

"Because…?"

Seifer threw her the ball and she caught it one-handed.

"Because you're questioning everything around you," he concluded. "All the things you thought you knew, the rules you were taught to obey. You're wondering if you still fit into this shitty post-war world, and if you don't, then what's left for you…?"

In that moment, Quistis realized that she and Seifer had at least one fear in common.


"Oh! Hi."

Quistis held the door open for Rinoa and…

Nida.

Nida was their volunteer?

This was going to be interesting.

"Thanks for coming over—both of you."

Angelo barked indignantly.

"You as well, Angelo," added Quistis.

"Anything to help you out," said Nida politely.

Rinoa's smile was noticeably sly. "Of course, it would be ideal if we could help out Nida in return!"

So that was how the sorceress had convinced poor Nida into being their magical guinea pig. Quistis supposed he was the safest choice out of everyone they knew at Garden. He was not a total stranger who would make them feel like criminals for invading his subconscious; neither was he a close friend who would ask nosy questions about their motivations.

They made themselves comfortable on Quistis' waffle weave floor cushions.

"Do I have to sign any paperwork?"

Quistis and Rinoa glanced at each other, taken aback by Nida's professionalism.

"Not for an informal thing like this—"

"Depends on how complex this gets—"

The two ladies abruptly stopped talking over each other.

Nida looked mildly concerned by their lack of coordination.

"Sorry," said Rinoa apologetically. "We're sort of winging this, if you can't tell!"

Angelo woofed, amused.

"Let's start over," said Quistis. "I take it that Rinoa has already explained to you the basics of this experiment?"

"Rinoa's attempting to master a new form of magic that allows a passenger to enter another person's subconscious. Quistis, you're to be the passenger for my mind. This means that I agree to having every part of myself on open display, including my deepest vulnerabilities and traumas. There's also an element of mental and emotional interplay—you can influence me and I can influence you, and the same principle applies to our physical bodies, so we have to exercise caution at all times since there's a real risk of injury up to the point of death."

Rinoa was very impressed. "Wow, you explained that way better than I did!"

"If we actually had paperwork, that would have constituted the perfect text," agreed Quistis.

Nida smiled proudly.

Of course, Nida had no clue that Seifer Almasy's mental health was the impetus behind the experiment. This was the one area in which the ladies would have to exercise the utmost confidentiality.

"Oh, and…" Rinoa wiggled her fingers in excitement. "Nida swears to keep this experiment a secret in exchange for helping him win the girl of his dreams!"

Quistis' jaw dropped incredulously. Perhaps she should have kept a tighter rein on her friend. "Since when did we become a matchmaking service?"

"Quisty, this isn't just any old matchmaking job. Nida's got it bad for your bestest friend!"

Nida turned hopeful eyes on Quistis.

"My bestest—oh. You mean Xu…?" Quistis noticed the way he lit up at the mention of her name. "Xu is the girl of your dreams?"

Nida nodded with sincerity.

"Okay," said Quistis, trying not to feel overwhelmed by the agreement. "I'll try to think of a plan."

"In the meantime, let's give this a shot." Rinoa rubbed her hands eagerly. "If either one of you feels unsafe during this experience, call out to me at any point and I'll terminate the spell ASAP."

"Got it," said Nida. "Is that the only way to get out of my subconscious?"

"I can also wait until one of you wakes up." Rinoa paused dramatically. "The last method of escaping someone's subconscious is through dying. You guys have to avoid this at all costs! Obviously, any death would be imaginary, but there's a fifty-fifty chance you could either get kicked out of that world and wake up, or…" Rinoa instantly turned sober. "Or, not wake up at all."

"Like when you jolt awake from a nightmare?" asked Nida.

"Yeah, exactly! I mean, only for the 'getting kicked out' scenario."

A grave silence followed. Nida didn't seem like he was planning to back out anytime soon. Quistis, however, was beginning to question her sanity.

"Any more questions?"

"No."

"Not for now."

"Alright, then. Nida, I'll put you to sleep first."

"Sure."

When he had dozed off, Rinoa turned to Quistis. "Ready?"

There was no turning back now.

"Ready."


Nida's subconscious materialized as a burgeoning metropolis with glistening skyscrapers and energetic urbanites.

Though Quistis did not recognize her surroundings, she knew by instinct that this universe was based on the reality she had briefly left behind—or rather, a hopeful representation of the real world.

Pollution and smog were issues of the past. Healthy trees bowed over the sidewalks with emerald density. People were genuinely happy here: kids weren't addicted to their electronic devices; adults gave help to strangers without judgment; and cars yielded to each other at intersections.

Quistis noted that this wasn't a utopia.

People still had their problems but they were confident in the present and had faith in the future. She could clearly sense that they were being led by a strong and wise leader who had built up a transparent government that cared deeply for its citizens.

Now, where was Nida?

She had no idea where to go, so she explored the main boulevard alongside the trolley tracks.

Cyclists flew past her in upbeat moods.

Children played noisy games of tag in the streets.

A scruffy dalmatian came up to sniff her ankle, and she bent down to pet it with a smile.

At the end of the boulevard was a gleaming castle with painted spires and a freshwater moat.

The castle guard that she had assumed was asleep at his post peeled open an eye and asked, "Can I help you, miss?"

"Yes," said Quistis cautiously. "I'm looking for Nida."

"Ah." The castle guard smiled in recognition. "The President is expecting you."

"The President?"

"President Nida," said the castle guard, "and you're just in time for the royal luncheon!"


Quistis awoke in a daze. Next to her, Nida was having a similar experience.

Rinoa was looking at them expectantly. "How was it…?"

"Rinoa, that was incredible," proclaimed Quistis. "I can't even begin to describe the sensory phenomena of that world! The things that I saw, heard, touched…" She smiled widely at Nida. "I felt the color of your mind, Nida! It was so neat."

"That sounds awesome, but I didn't feel anything on my end. It was like taking a normal nap." Nida shrugged in disappointment. "Did you find me in my subconscious?"

"I was just about to walk into your castle when I woke up."

"My castle?"

Rinoa clapped her hands excitedly. "King Nida!?"

"President Nida."

Nida grinned. "What can I say? I'm an ambitious guy."

"How long were we out?" asked Quistis, rubbing her eyes.

"About twenty minutes," Rinoa informed them.

Angelo started thumping her tail. Quistis reached over to pat her experimentally. Her tactile experience with the scruffy dalmatian had felt so real.

"Was the spell hard?" asked Nida.

"Not at all," answered Rinoa. "Quisty, how do we make Xu into the First Lady?"

"Right, yes." It was time for Quistis to deliver her end of the deal. "Is there anything you'd like to know about her, Nida?"

"Her favorite flower."

"Bleeding hearts."

"Her favorite food."

"We used to love having prime rib dip at The Penny Whistler down by the Balamb Harbor. I think that's still her favorite."

"Dip?"

"It's basically a French dip sandwich."

"Okay, got it."

"Oh, and here's another favorite of hers. Professional wrestling! I guess that's not exactly news around here, but it might make for an interesting date idea?"

Nida was industriously capturing these details on his notepad.

"Quisty!" exclaimed Rinoa. "You were apparently being modest about your matchmaking skills."

Quistis shook her head in protest.

She pondered over the little side quest they were undertaking for Seifer's sake.

Or maybe it was for her own sake. Her need to accomplish, her drive to succeed. Her former student's cutting remark replayed in her mind:

Why don't you stop trying to save me and just treat me like your equal, okay?


Today, Seifer was actually sitting in a chair and making eye contact with her. She didn't know whether this was an improvement over his normally supine posture on the couch, because now she had the pleasure of seeing him in all of his scowling glory.

"What are three things you like about yourself?"

He snorted. "Are you for real?"

"Seifer." She crossed her arms tightly. "Just answer the question, please."

"Let me rephrase. Are these real questions?"

"These are real questions that real therapists use in real sessions."

His scowl shifted into a smirk. "No, I'm pretty sure you accidentally grabbed the kindergarten curriculum on your way in."

She readily ignored his comment. "What are three things you hate about yourself?"

"I didn't get to answer the first question."

"Too late—you missed your chance."

He arched a brow at her. "Moody today, are we?"

"I'm not moody," she clarified. "I'm in a specific mood, and this mood of mine doesn't have much patience for tomfoolery."

"Tomfoolery?" He laughed, presumably at her choice of vocabulary. "Well, if you don't have much patience, I'll do you a favor and stop answering questions."

"What?" She adjusted her glasses with clumsy hands. "No, we have to continue with the—"

"Wake me up when the session's over."

Seifer walked over to the couch and flopped onto it in an infuriatingly relaxed manner.

He stayed that way for about half an hour, during which she reorganized her therapy notes.

When he woke up, groggy and scowling once more, she observed him with a drained expression.

"By the way, I'd prefer it if you stopped calling me Instructor," she said quietly.

"Then what do I call you?"

"Just Quistis is fine."


"We need to talk."

Xu's tone could only mean business. Quistis discerned the reason for their conversation right away. Hopefully she would not be losing her friend's trust today.

"Of course," said Quistis, smiling in what she thought was a placatory manner. "My room or yours?"

"Mine," said Xu immediately. "We don't have time to get cornered by Trepies."

"Okay, let's go."

Even as they successfully avoided Trepies, the two ran into what had to be every single mutual friend in Garden before they were able to make it safely to the privacy of Xu's dormitory.

"When I want to socialize, nobody's around. When I need to have urgent girl talk, suddenly everybody wants to catch up!" exclaimed Xu bitterly.

Quistis gave her a look that said tell me about it.

"Want anything to drink?" offered Xu.

"I'm fine, thanks."

"Right, then I won't beat around the bush." Xu perched on her bed and crossed her legs. "A friend of ours—more of a colleague, really—has been acting a little strange as of late."

"Are you alright?" asked Quistis lamely. She hoped that Nida's visions of heart-melting romance weren't freaking out Xu.

"Nida gave me bleeding hearts yesterday—my favorite flowers. The day before that, he struck up a conversation about this season's pro wrestling line-up as he handed me a perfectly hot prime rib dip from The Penny Whistler." Xu looked at her pointedly. "You know, my preferred local meal that only you know about?"

"I…may have revealed some personal information about you to Nida, yes." Quistis turned a bit sheepish. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm not mad at you. I'm just wondering why you helped him."

"Xu, he really likes you."

He likes you enough to practically hand over his brains to me (an obsessed quack therapist) and Rinoa (a flighty yet powerful sorceress).

Xu didn't say anything.

"Won't you give him a chance?" pleaded Quistis.

"See, this is what I don't understand. You and I don't know Nida very well outside of work. Hell, I know him better than you do, and you're supporting him like this? It's just…unexpected, is all."

"I can't explain it."

Quistis realized this was the second time she was uttering these same words—first to Rinoa, now to Xu. How easy it was to become a woman full of secrets! Secrets that she might have to take to her grave…

"Alright, Q." Xu appeared to be relenting by virtue of loyalty. "I'll trust you on this one."

"You'll go out with him, then?"

"Whoa, whoa!" She held up her hands. "Let me think about it first, because I don't know how I feel about being…wooed." She coughed uncomfortably. "I guess I have to give him points for effort, though." She smirked. "Your turn to talk now! How's the therapy going?"

"It's going slowly."

"Aw. Nothing juicy?"

"I suppose I'm learning a lot about Seifer as a person."

"Are you implying that there's actual depth to that asshole?" laughed Xu.

Quistis flinched.

Xu didn't notice.


"What are some bad habits that you'd like to replace with good ones?" Quistis frowned at the prompt. "I'm not a fan of the way this question is worded," she muttered to herself. "Okay, let's try this instead. What are some good habits that you'd like to develop?"

"I dunno," said Seifer sullenly. "These aren't easy questions, you know."

"You don't have to answer right away, if you need some time to think."

"Then can I have my phone back?"

"No."

"For research," he insisted.

"No! You're just going to read someone else's answers off the internet."

"Aw, hell…" He popped his bubblegum loudly. "You zap the fun out of everything."

There was a headache nagging behind her eyes. She gingerly massaged her lids with both of her pinky fingers.

He continued smacking his gum at an irritating volume.

"We can skip ahead to the next set of questions."

"What's the point of you asking me all this crap?"

"This isn't crap," she informed him serenely. "Therapy is a proven means to achieve a happy, healthy, and productive life."

"Do you have the capacity to not sound like a robot for even a minute?"

"If sounding like a robot means that there is order and balance in my life, then I really don't mind."

"You're free to talk to me without some idiotic script."

Something in his tone of voice made her pause. The words were harsh but the emotions behind them were not. She felt like she was on the verge of a discovery.

"You would want to have a conversation with me outside of therapy?"

Oops.

Her question exposed a kind of feminine sensitivity that she wasn't willing to show, a side of her that he would certainly sniff out and sneer at in a hot second.

To her surprise, Seifer made no nasty remarks. He stopped chewing his gum and simply gave her a long, contemplative look.

"Yeah," he finally said. "Maybe I would."


Quistis assumed that her second trip into Nida's subconscious would pick up where she had left off.

Instead, she found herself lost and wandering in the metropolis. It was late at night now, and there weren't too many citizens hanging out on the boulevard who looked friendly enough to ask for directions.

She was definitely still in the same city, but the mood had grown melancholy with rich saxophone blues and flickering neon signs. She almost expected monsters to pop out of the umbral alleyways, snarling and itching for a fight. It was a good thing she had Save the Queen with her. The whip was another line of defense she could utilize before having to call out to Rinoa for rescue.

After passing what looked to be a rumbling speakeasy, she escaped on the trolley with the hope of getting to the more hospitable center of the city. The old man she sat next to puffed cigar smoke in her face with a bold lack of manners that reminded her of Seifer.

She breathed a sigh of relief when the car brought her to a multi-story department store spilling with night-owl shoppers amid blazing lights. It occurred to her that the brightness was emanating from a giant digital billboard on the face of the building.

"Xu!" she gasped.

Xu's stunning photo was staring back at her with lovely cherry lips and expensive sunglasses perched on her nose. So she was a rising star in this world! Quistis felt oddly touched by the sight. This was essentially how Nida perceived Xu.

Glamorous, talented, and mostly out of reach.

Thunder crackled in the night. Rain began to fall and she—


—was roughed out of Rinoa's spell by the sound of someone knocking on her door.

Quistis could feel that her hair was slightly moist from the rain and was fascinated by the physical transfer of elements from Nida's subconscious. She quickly glanced at his recumbent form on her chenille rug. He hadn't been disturbed by the noise like her, but he would be waking up shortly anyway.

Rinoa was situated as far from the dorms as physically possible. The main objective of today's session was to test whether she was still able to perform the spell correctly from a remote location. After all, Rinoa couldn't exactly waltz into Seifer's house for the real thing.

More knocks.

"Quisty…?"

She recognized the voice as Selphie's.

"Hang on!"

Quistis frantically tossed a shag blanket over Nida and slapped a haphazard game of Triple Triad onto her floor.

"Selphie." Quistis threw on a smile. "How are you?"

"I'm feeling fabulous, thanks! I was just stopping by to see if you wanted to help me with WHOAAA!"

Selphie's observant eyes had unfortunately glimpsed the blanketed body that Quistis was desperately trying to block from the doorway.

Fantastic…I look like I've just committed murder!

"What are you guys doing?" asked Selphie suspiciously.

"Um…"

"Hey, Selphie!" called out a voice from the hallway.

An accompanying bark signaled that Rinoa and Angelo had returned from their remote station. Quistis felt instant relief—she might have been a poor liar but she could count on Rinoa to fill in the gaps.

Selphie brightened and waved. "Hi, Rinoa!"

"I was just coming back from Balamb with these delicious prime rib dip sandwiches," said Rinoa, holding up a bag. "Wanna try one with me?"

"Sure!" said Selphie.

"Quisty, Xu. I'll drop off your portions in a bit!"

"Oh!" exclaimed Quistis, understanding what Rinoa meant. "No need to hurry back with the food! Xu actually fell asleep in my room."

"OHHH," said Selphie, pivoting on her heels to face Quistis. "I was wondering who that was on your floor! But, um, can she breathe with that furry blanket covering her face?"

"Xu said she was feeling cold," fibbed Quistis.

"C'mon, Selphie." Rinoa strategically linked arms with Selphie and steered her away from the room. "I'll walk you back to the cafeteria."

Selphie gasped. "How did you know I came from the cafeteria!?"

Rinoa giggled. "Oh, just a sorceress' intuition…"

Quistis promptly shut the door. "The coast is clear now!"

Nida removed the blanket and rolled to a crouch. "No big deal for a couple of SeeDs, right?"

"Argh, I'm sorry."

"No apologies necessary," he chuckled. "So what was my subconscious like today?"

"Dark and rainy," she said worriedly. "I could tell that you haven't been feeling your best these days."

"Yeah…" Nida slouched against the foot of her bed. "None of my attempts to get to know Xu are working."

"Perhaps I stifled your creativity by giving you too much information," offered Quistis. "Is there something you would like to do for her—something that comes from the depths of your heart?"

"Well, I thought of playing some romantic music for her in the quad," he said eagerly.

"Ah…I don't think she would appreciate being put on the spot in such a manner."

"How about I sing for her in private?"

"Also a bad idea."

His face fell. "Really?"

"She would probably fake a fever just to escape from your serenade," said Quistis honestly.

Nida sighed in defeat. "I don't know how else I can stand out…"

"Maybe you don't need to stand out at first. Maybe you simply need to show her that you're there for her, and let her take the first step toward you."

He sat up straighter. "You just made me think of something."

"Hm?"

"Thanks for your help, Quistis. See you at our next session!"

And he was gone from her room before she could say goodbye.

Quistis had her doubts about Nida and Xu as a couple. He was probably three years her junior, and she did not prefer younger men. The way that he romanticized her in his mind was beautiful and showed just how much of a dreamer he was—a dreamer in the way that Quistis imagined Seifer to be like. Of course, Xu had wonderful dreams of her own, but Quistis just wasn't seeing the alignment with Nida when it came down to personality and values.

But if all of that was true and practical in the way of life and love, why was she so captivated by Seifer?


"What are you grateful for in life and why?"

"You go first."

"Pardon?"

"We're gonna switch things up today." Seifer's wicked grin gave her an uneasy feeling. "I promise to answer all of your questions without being a smart ass if you answer the questions first."

Quistis groaned. "That's not how therapy works, Seifer."

"You're wrong," he shot back. "How would you know what truly works if you're always doing things by the book?"

"Sometimes I break the rules. I can be 'punk' just like you."

Seifer burst out laughing. "Did you just say…?" He laughed again. "Damn, I wish I'd recorded that!"

If he was offering to give her an easy session, even for just a day, she would be foolish not to comply with his demands. So be it—she would give him answers.

Quistis cleared her throat. "I'm grateful for the people in my life. They support me without question." She thought of Rinoa. "They give me honest opinions." She thought of Xu. "And even when I feel like I've failed them, they're still waiting for me at the end of a long road." She thought of everyone else. "There, that's my answer to the question."

He looked amazed that she was actually going along with his suggestion. "Okay. Uh…I'm grateful that I'm in relatively good health and that I'm not off my rocker. I could've turned out way, way worse."

She nodded understandingly. "Thank you for sharing your answer with me."

"Ooh," he teased. "You sounded like a real therapist for a sec."

Quistis pointed to herself. "What I said just now?"

"Well, the way you said it. With that soothing kind of voice."

"Huh," said Quistis, thoroughly amused. "Right, well…" She flipped through her notes. "That was the last question."

"For today?"

"I've literally run out of prompts," she confessed. "I'll have to prepare more for our future sessions."

"Then I'll ask a question next."

"Go ahead."

"Do you like anyone?"

"I'm not about to play a spontaneous game of Truth or Dare with you," she replied tiredly.

"I think you do like someone," he went on.

"I don't."

Seifer snickered. "You do."

"I don't!" she practically yelled, exasperated.

A terrible flashback ripped into her mind: a time when he had capitalized on her Freudian slip in front of the entire classroom on her first day as an instructor. The tittering of her students had haunted her for months after the incident.

"I can't do this."

"Sure you can, Quistis. In the end, it won't matter anyway," he said fatalistically. "Fifty hours of this bullshit is a travesty of 'mental health recovery' and you know it."

The sudden sense of futility poured over her like a bucket of slop.

She rose from her seat, feeling a little sick and sweaty. Her clipboard lay forgotten on the coffee table.

"I can't do this," she repeated numbly. "I won't do this."

Seifer Almasy had officially shoved her off the edge of a cliff. It was a shame, as they had been conversing so agreeably with each other just moments before.

She stormed out of his house and waited for that sense of satisfaction to reward her. The epic one that she was supposed to feel because she had finally freed herself from an unjust situation and an unbearable person.

The feeling never came.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't.


Though Quistis had missed the royal luncheon, she was just in time for President Nida's televised speech on sweeping healthcare reforms for the socially disadvantaged.

It was nighttime again, and everyone was in celebratory spirits at the castle. The sprawling grounds were illuminated with colorful paper lanterns. Young lovers strolled through the garden hedge maze. She even ran into her canine friend again—the dalmatian had taken a bath and now looked several hues brighter.

Either Nida's optimism had been revived from within, or things were going well for him in the real world. She hoped that it was both.

Quistis had been hired on the spot as catering staff. Balancing a tray of champagne flutes came naturally to her, as she had assumed similar roles on past missions. She moved through the crowd in a perpetual glissade as she flashed a smile here and offered a drink there.

Her goal was to talk to President Nida, but his popularity was making it difficult to get a moment with him.

"Q…?"

Surprised, she nearly dropped her tray into the boxwood shrubs.

"Q!" Xu beamed. "It's been too long!"

Xu looked every inch the starlet with her cascade ruffle cocktail dress and glittering rivière that was likely worth thousands of gil. Quistis briefly wondered if there was a gun tucked somewhere in the folds of her outfit, then remembered that this was Xu the movie star, not Xu the mercenary.

"Xu! It's really you…"

Xu was amused by the greeting. "Friend, I'm almost offended. Have you already forgotten what I look like?"

"In a way." Quistis smiled at the inside joke. "Care for champagne?"

"Yes, please."

An idea came upon Quistis. "I'm on a mission to find my friend, and I'd like you to join forces with me."

"Sure," replied Xu, sliding on her paparazzi-deterring sunglasses. "Lead the way."

Having Xu by her side must have been a lucky charm because they were able to find President Nida within seconds. He exuded charisma in his dark suit and easygoing posture.

"You didn't tell me your friend was the President!" murmured Xu with a light elbow nudge.

President Nida gallantly kissed Xu's hand. "Dance with me?"

Entranced, Xu allowed herself to be led away.

Quistis watched the two sway to a dulcet tune beneath the stars.

It was a happy ending, if only in Nida's mind.


"I found you this time," Quistis told Nida, "and I found Xu too."

"Finally!" Nida grinned. "Mission accomplished."

"Do you remember seeing me at all?"

Nida tossed a treat to Angelo, who leapt and caught it mid-air. "No, sorry…"

Quistis turned to Rinoa with concern. "Nida hasn't sensed any intrusion in his subconscious for all three visits. Would you say that's a normal outcome?"

Though this was a promising discovery, as she wouldn't want Seifer to know that she was roaming around in his thoughts.

"In my research, I read that it depends on the person's state of mind—is it open to others, or is it closed off? Nida's voluntarily letting you enter his subconscious so it's possible that he isn't aware of your presence at all."

On second thought, Seifer would probably be a tough nut to crack.

Nida snapped his fingers. "Hold on! I take back what I said earlier. I didn't see you in my subconscious, Quistis, but I think I felt you there."

"What do you mean?"

"Even though nothing in my life has actually changed, I feel like I've been infused with this giant surge of hope. You orchestrated something to boost my mood, didn't you?"

"I introduced you to Xu. You even danced with her."

"Oh…thanks." Nida blushed profoundly. "I'd love to dance with her for real someday."

"How romantic," sighed Rinoa. "Well, I'd say this just about wraps up our experiment!"

"So no more sessions?"

"We're good for now," said Rinoa. "Thank you again for being our, um…"

"Victim?"

Rinoa looked aghast.

"Joking!" said Nida hastily.

"Watch us get a violation notice from the Institutional Review Board next week," said Quistis dryly.

"Seriously, I was joking!"

When her visitors left, Quistis reflected over their final practice session.

She had secretly felt a rush when Nida spoke of her significant influence on his emotions. With Rinoa's sorceress magic, Quistis had become more than just a passenger. This was a new kind of power that the trio had uncovered: a unique experience that she knew not even the talented Ellone would be able to recreate.

Quistis prayed that she would not get addicted to this new power.


Author's Notes: …Quistis as Seifer's therapist!? It makes no sense, I know. But that's the beauty of fanfiction!

I actually went to graduate school for counseling psychology, though I found the subject matter to be overwhelming and dropped out of the program to pursue other endeavors. I have mad respect for the profession and do not intend to demean it in any way.

If you're interested in seeing a drawing I made of Xu, please head over to my AO3 account (Garden_Gal) where I've cross-posted this fic!