Chapter Title: Rock Bottom

Series Title: Unlikely Brothers

Ages in this chapter: Tanner (38), Dashen (44), River (14)

POV: Dashen

Chapter Summary: River hits the lowest of lows when his Claret's disease is no longer responsive to the usual maintenance and treatment.


The floor was hard. At least when you'd been sitting on it unmoving for an hour. It's where I was. Where I had been. Numb butt and all.

What I didn't do for my family. Brother number three.

Sure, with this one there was a chunk of age difference (thirty years) and yeah, yeah, we weren't related by blood, same old story. Didn't matter. He was my little brother.

And he hurt like hell right now.

Fourteen years old. Living a good life. Ups and downs all around of course. This moment, it was a down period. A seriously down period.

I worried on the kid. Hell, I been worrying on little brothers since the second I could walk. Kossi. Tanner. River. All different. All the same.

Where River was now, I'd been there. Not the same, circumstances varied, but that feeling of absolute rock bottom. Yup, been there, done that. Almost didn't dig my way out either. Had I not been such an idiot and

half-assed tried to end my life versus just doing it the quick and dirty way, yeah, I'd not be sitting on his stupidly hard floor with a numb backside and little brother number three.

I'd hit rock bottom hard after Kossi died and that punishing, soul-destroying experience was a learning one. Possibly even… meant to be? I hate to think that way, but some things in my strange excuse for a life were weirdly similar. In my misery, I'd lost a brother, while River's misery was succumbing to his disease.

Claret's Blood-Bug Syndrome. What a name, right? He'd gotten infected long ago, at some point during his two years a kid slave. Mostly, the healer-assigned treatment worked to allow him to live a relatively normal life. He had flare-ups of the stuff since we'd adopted him at the age of six. Some of those flares were horribly bad while others were no more than a day or two of feeling a little off.

He was here now. On the floor of his tiny bedroom, head in hands, trying unsuccessfully to stop crying. Fourteen year olds weren't supposed to cry, right? They were above such things. Yeah, maybe not. His disease had become resistant to the treatment. Apparently not all that uncommon, per our healer friend, Fen Kaveri. As Fen and retired former Chief Healer, Quin Kalis tried hard to find an alternate plan, the bouts of Claret's became progressively more severe and of longer duration.

Not only was he feeling like hell for an extended period, but the one thing he'd ever truly looked forward to in his life was about to slip right from his grasp.

Like Tanner, River loved school, loved learning. Unlike Tanner, River tended to want to learn by doing in the outside world. Tanner, on the other hand could plant his butt in a chair, stick his nose into studies and devour information by the page-full, hour after tedious hour. My brother. He really could be the most boring person on the entire planet.

Anyway, River's school class had planned a learning-exploration trip with legit camping outside under the stars and planets. Learning how to live off the land, defend against the dangers of the wilderness and becoming part of that same wilderness. With paired teams of three along with contests and games, River and his two closest friends were beyond excited about it all.

These three, River, Z'varis and Corym, they'd landed in the same class a few years back and found they had enough in common to explore a friendship.

Z'varis Am, or Zee as River called him was a Pantoran boy. Corym Gazer was a human girl. And they all just clicked.

Of course, I wasn't certain how much River had shared with them about his past, though we'd given him the okay. At his age and time away from the slave trade there wasn't much in the way of threats out there for him; the decision to share was up to him.

But that trip he'd been hyped for? Nope. It just wasn't going to happen. Not for River. Not now.

A month of stoked planning and then this. The kid was devastated.

River's last month had been troubling. Three episodes of Claret's in a row, he'd become mostly house and bedridden with the constant joint and nerve pain in his legs, served up alongside the mind-numbing headaches. It was more than any teenager - or for that matter, any human - could rightfully handle without breaking apart.

That is where he'd finally reached the point of the aforementioned rock bottom.

Rock bottom was a bitch. And boy could I guess at the thoughts running through his head. Bad ones. Unpleasant ones. Desperate ones.

Again… me? Been there.

So, when I'd come into his room to find him sitting helplessly on the floor, with head buried in his hands and tears blurring every part of his vision, I plunged into full on big brother protective mode.

An hour later, I had River curled into my arms and holding on for dear life, questioning how to make all the pain go away. Thinking in the wrong direction, but in the only direction that made any sense to his flailing mind.

I didn't discourage his need at emotional outlet.

"Dash." He eventually said to me, voice so riddled with pain. "I… I've been thinking bad things. I d-don't want to. B-but I can't stop. It hurts so much all the time now. Just all the time. For weeks and weeks and it won't go away. Just… hurts all over and I'm here in bed… my friends… the trip… I…I can't go, can I?"

I didn't want to say the obvious, but I'd made it a point in my life to never lie to my brothers as long as it didn't endanger them. I wasn't about to start now. I didn't lie.

"No, Pup. Even if things were to get better today, you've been racked with this stuff so much recently, you really don't have the strength or endurance for a trip like that. I'm so sorry, kid. I am."

"H…how do I make it stop?"

His breaths were stuttering between sobs, as the usually bright blue eyes peered up at me. The horrific despair within them stabbed me right in the heart.

Is that what I'd looked like after Kossi? When Colton had reached a hand out to me, is that what he saw in my face? That haunting look of pure hopelessness?

I knew the answer to what question.

"Fen is trying." I offered what I could. "Quin. Tanner. Even Colton and Ny have feelers out, looking for answers with their medical contacts on other planets. They're all trying, Pup, they are."

"W-what if they can't find anything? What if it never s-stops hurting?"

Yeah, I knew what he was asking. What all those bad thoughts had been about. He felt horrible for thinking them, but what do you do? Seriously? When there's no other way to make the pain stop? I'd walked that line several times. Do I regret it? At the time, no. I was so broken and done. I regret it now, but only because I know what I know. But then? In the midst of it all? Hell, I'd have given anything for the end to come.

Again though, I wasn't going to lie to my family.

"River, it's okay to feel those things. I was there. I know. More than most, I know. And don't let anyone who's never been there tell you what is right or wrong. Rock bottom is a hell of a place to be for any extended period. When I landed there, there was nothing. I had nothing. I felt nothing except this blinding pain in my heart that wouldn't go away. For me, it was emotional and mental pain. For you, it's physical and mental pain. It all takes us to the same place. There's a difference between you and me though. For me, there was not a soul who gave an ounce of crap after Kossi died. I had literally lost everything. You though… no, you have this circle of family that loves you to death and isn't about to let you go. A family that is doing everything in their power get you help. That alone is reason enough to make sure you only think those thoughts and not act on them. Okay?"

River's head bobbed around, eyes closed, floating in his own space. I knew that feeling too. Numbness. Mind, body, emotion. Sheer and utter numbness.

I pulled him tighter to me. Holding on for all the galaxy.

"I won't lie and tell you it'll all be okay soon. You deserve better than that. I can promise that whatever you need, we are here. Me and Tanner. Fen. All the others. We love you so damned much, River. You've no idea."

"I know you d-do." He sniffed from where he'd slid so that his head lay on my lap. I ran a hand over his dark hair. Shades different than me or Tanner, but kept longer - shoulder length - like us. Just like his brothers, is how he wanted to be.

"All I want from you, Pup, is for you to keep fighting and to give your family a chance to figure this out. And if you ever start moving towards those darker thoughts, you come to me. You reach out to me as fast as you can, no matter when or how. Call out to me and Tanner. We'd drop the world for you, River. In a second, we'd drop the world."

"And you'll help me, right? You'll take care of m-me."

"Always, little brother. Always."

"The trip, me and Zee and Corym, it's all we talk about. It was going to be the best time ever, Dash. The b-best time ever."

Emotion overwhelmed his words and I kept stroking his hair, trying to keep him from breaking into a million pieces. If I'd only had that after Kossi. Someone to have kept me from breaking apart… but River had me. And Tanner. We weren't about to let this kid fall.

And there came my idea. Maybe not my best, and I'd regret it at some point, but hell…

"Hey, River, the camping thing. You know, Tanner and me, we've camped before. When we get you better… your friends, we can do our own trip. Not the same as with all your classmates and lessons and learning, and you'd have your big brothers all in your business and stuff…"

There came a slight chuckle from River's throat showing me that he wasn't completely lost.

"Tanner will tell you I'm not known for my survival skills out in the middle of nowhere. I tried to start a fire once with two sticks. Ended up with crispy second degree burns on my fingers and all the hair burned off my arms. Who knew it took so long for arm hair to grow back? So, yeah, that was fun. Tanner never really let that one go. Maybe he told you the story, if not, I'm sure he'll spill the beans and have you laughing up a gut with his rendition."

Another sound. The barest hint of laughter. That a boy, River.

"He told me before. I did laugh a lot. Only because you were okay."

"Uh huh, sure. Damn little brothers."

"I would like that though."

"The crispy fingers and hairless arms?" My hand kept up the gentle movement across my brother's head and neck as one more chuckle came out. One that made me smile.

"No, not those things. I like the hair on my arms. The camping. I like that. With you and Tanner and my friends."

"Good. We'll bring flare-rocks though. No point in me being the joke for another long-told family tale about my hapless fire-starting ways and burned body parts."

My voice faded out and there was no sound then. River's breath had evened out. His legs had stopped that constant motion of discomfort. Even his heart rate was no longer racing. By some miracle, I'd gotten him calmer.

Leaning forward, I saw his eyelids sliding shut, struggling at first, then giving in. A moment of peace.

A slight noise, I looked up to see the shadow of a form at the bedroom door. Tanner home from work, seeing his brothers sprawled on the floor in such a manner. He knew what was happening. Before I had landed on the floor with River, I'd set a message to my brother. Three words, Code Dark Blue. It meant that River was struggling hard. With my second com saying that I was with him, Tanner finished out his school day. No point in both of us losing out on a day of pay unless an imminent matter of life and death.

"Dash?" Tanner said in the barest of whispers.

"He hurts, Mouse. More than ever before. Beaten so far down. Took a while, but he's finally resting. Think it's safe to say however, that it's a really good thing he's not alone."

Because I knew that helpless look. I knew those desperate eyes. River was probably capable of taking that next and final step if he saw it as his only way out of the hell where he currently resided.

Tanner nodded knowingly. "You want me to take a round? Your butt is probably pretty numb right about now if you've been with him since you got home."

My lips turned up in a small smile. Little brother knew me well. And my numb butt did need a break.

But… "He's relaxed. Probably best we don't rattle him."

"We won't." Tanner responded, vanishing for a few moments before returning in casual clothes, a cool drink for me, and a pillow to cradle River's head still settled quiet on my lap. Like magic (well, it was magic) he raised a hand and willed something to him through the air, handing it to me. A sandwich. He must've set it on the nightstand and I hadn't seen. Otherwise, I couldn't explain a sandwich appearing out of nowhere. Of course he knew I was hungry and it helped that my stomach was grumbling so loudly that it actually threatened to wake our brother.

"Tanner, you are a good little brother."

"Yeah, yeah."

Then he sat himself down on the opposite side of the horizontal River, a hand placed carefully onto the boy's ankle. Concentration on his face and focus in his mind, Tanner pushed one of those wickedly comforting Force tendrils towards River. Offering him a depth of sleep he wasn't going to get on his own. One more flick of the wrist and the blanket he'd made for a six-year-old River was off the bed and oh so lightly laid over his prone form. The blanket was bit on the worn side, but River treasured it. Even now as a growing, feeling-his-oats fourteen-year-old, he kept it on his bed and tucked to him every night.

I chewed on my sandwich, thoughtfully keeping my greedy sounds to myself - I was really that hungry. Taking several long pulls of the cold juice Tanner had delivered, I felt better already.

"You make a tasty sandwich, Mouse. Stopped my stomach from complaining." With the pillow now cushioning River's head on my lap, my own head fell back against the bed. "So… what do we do now?" I said, my words as exhausted as my body. Seeing someone I love hurting so badly, it's what I hated most in the galaxy.

"Simple. We love him and take care of him until Fen finds the best way to get him better."

Tanner. Always made the complex sound so straightforward.

I rubbed my face with my free hand. "I can do that. He'll miss his school camping trip. It's kinda devastating. Looking forward to it doesn't even begin to explain how excited he was to head out there with his friends. The final nail in the coffin, I suppose. He didn't actually say it, but I suspect there's a nagging worry in his head - on top of all the other crap - that his friends might lose interest in being his friend. Now with his recent limitations and having to cancel on their trip. It's not out of the realm that it's crossed his mind."

"I talked to Z'Varis and Corym today. During lunch break I found them in the canteen. They've been concerned with River missing so much school and have been keeping in touch as best they can, but said he's so tired and in such pain to even talk much on com. When I mentioned he'd miss the school trip, they were disappointed, but you know what Dash, those two are really good kids. Good friends. They just want him to be well. Even asked to stop by and see him. I told them I'd ask River. He may not want any visitors until he's less…" Tanner waved a hand toward River.

"Yeah, that would be best. I'm glad to hear that his friends seem to be true friends. Concerned about his welfare. I never had that, you know. Not sure how much you did either in your years at the Jedi Temple. But it's important. Oh, and by the way, I did promise him his very own camping trip with his friends and his brothers once he's feeling well enough."

"Now that sounds fun." A twinkle came to Tanner's pale eyes. "And, I will absolutely make sure to bring the first aid kit this time so I can wrap your crispy fingers and hairless arms without the need of a healer."

I threw a look to my smirking brother. "Such a funny guy, you are. A funny, funny guy." Was my sarcastic response.

"I am."

My head leaned back again. "He can't stay here on the floor all night. You have him deep enough that we can move him to the bed?"

"Keep him still for a few more minutes."

Tanner was well enough versed in the Force by now that he could wander much deeper than when he was young. All the training by Ben had been the catalyst for it. But River's presence had actually pushed him into overdrive. Feeding daily off another Force sensitive creature had been the key. Once River understood what that weird feeling in his head was, he learned everything he could about Tanner's magic. The two connected quickly, and that connection became more intense every year. It would never rival a true Jedi Master and Apprentice situation, but for moments like this, it was especially beneficial.

We sat in silence, both of us keeping contact with our youngest sibling. All signs pointed to him finally getting some extended rest. Fen had advised us against simply knocking him out anytime he got uncomfortable. There were possibilities that it would leave him even more exhausted and even atrophied with so much time immobile. This, however, was an exception to that rule. Tanner had made the decision based on the levels of both physical and emotional pain levels. The kid needed sleep, he needed uninterrupted rest if for no other reason than to give him the energy to keep on fighting. The healer would understand.

Once we did finally move River to his bed, neither of us made a effort

to leave him. The room was barely big enough for a bed and a couple compact pieces of furniture; we made due. I had lived in small spaces often enough. Hell, the apartment that Kossi and I rented after our folks died was about the size of two of River's bedrooms combined.

We'd manage.

Tanner and I would not be leaving our brother's side until morning.

Naturally, we paid for that. Cricks in our necks and backs and every other joint wreaked havoc with our moving-into-middle-aged bodies as we stumbled into the kitchen that next day.

To our surprise, River staggered out of his room not long after. Certainly, it was a bear for him to drag his fatigued everything out of bed by himself. He did look like hell. Worse really. Vertical though; he was vertical and still hanging with us.

There were no words when he came toward me to collapse in for a hug. Worn out and worn down, the kid simply needed his brothers. We couldn't make it better, but we could make it tolerable. We could love him when he had nothing else, when it felt like the entire galaxy had turned against him.

His arms clung to me for dear life, only relenting when Tanner stepped over and River moved from my embrace to his. A few tears trailed Tanner's face. More than me, Tanner was part of River's pain with their Force connection as it was. It was challenging and difficult for him on a different level then what I could identify with.

I took a few deep, steadying breaths. This… this was a feeling I never got used to. Seeing the people I loved like this. I hurt for both of my brothers right now and walked over to put my arms around them.

—-

So, yeah, River missed his school camping trip, but his friends Z'varis and Corym visited him just prior to and just after their return. They'd each given him a carving they'd made while living in the wilderness for that week. From a red-wood, Corym had carved a campfire with three flames shooting upward and intertwined. She said it represented the three of them. Friends for a lifetime, is how she put it. Z'varis' carving was in black-stone, etchings of three stars inter-linked together. The barest hints of color within those stars, but I swore I saw green, brown and blue. Z'varis said the intertwined stars represented River and his two brothers, me and Tanner.

Both of the gifts made River cry. Hell, they made me cry. Damn it.

Tanner had been right. These two friends of his, they were good kids. Honest to stars, good friends. The real deal. How lucky was this kid of ours?

—-

Before those friends left from that second visit, I gave them that promise I'd made River. The one that we'd all head out on our own camping trip once our little brother was up and able. They were all for it. Happy smiles and thoughts of adventure.

Good news came in the days that followed; from Fen and Quin. Quin had traveled to visit healers of other planets where she'd practiced and taught in stints over the years. One of her former pupils was quite adept in the art of natural healing, using the benefits of the land to treat various diseases and viruses. She'd devised a mix of a herbs and root plants blended in a specific order and manner. The tincture showed promise. Really, it was just a matter of finding the exact strength needed for River's illness.

That came a week and a half later. The new treatment underway, and within days River began feeling much more like his old self. Fen had the recipe set and put to task one of her assistants to keep at least a thirty-day supply on hand.

How long this new compound would work until the disease found it's way around, no idea. For now, the only thing that truly mattered was my seeing my youngest of little brothers as he was meant to be. River Salvus. A good kid. A hopeful kid. One with a life full of family and friends and positive things. One with a family that would do everything in their power to keep that life for him.

—-

Dinner was outside tonight. Finally, River with enough strength to sit an entire meal, so we chose to eat on the terrace overlooking the rolling hills in the distance - that had been Kossi's favorite place. It seemed fitting to be sharing it with River after his recent challenges.

"Hey, Dash," he said to me, swallowing a forkful of some delicious concoction that I had nothing to do with. "Tanner's food is always so much better than what you cook. My stomach never gets sick after Tanner's cooking either."

Tanner, Tanner, Tanner. Yeah, yeah, River was good kid, but like all little brothers, he could rib a big brother when he saw fit.

I stuffed a sauced meatball into my mouth and did what every other mature adult big brother should do when smart-mouthed by a baby brother thirty-six years his junior. I talked right back to him, cheeks full of food and all.

"Youf gunna coteit neztym, zmit."

There ya go. In your face, little brother. Yes, that made perfect sense.

"Dash, really? Are we not past spitting food all over the table?" Tanner Force-threw a bread roll at my face. Nailed me right in the nose.

Damn Jedi.

Immaturity aside, River smiled at us. Happy. Relaxed. Still fatigued around the eyes with circles much too dark for a young kid. Better though. And that's what mattered.

"Today is a good day." He said to us. "I understand now. How lucky your brother was, Dash. Kossi. And Tanner too, when he was younger. To have you as a big brother."

With a told-you-so glance, Tanner flicked an eye at me.

I shrugged. "Eh, I'm okay. Main thing is, I always get to boss you guys around. That's been kinda fun."

Another bread roll smacked me in the face. This one courtesy of River. Learning far too many bad habits from our brother the former-Jedi.

Damn Force users.

"Okay, teaming up on me, really?"

My feigned disappointment didn't go far, as the rolls that had already been flung at me, pummeled me yet again. Before long, we were in an all out food fight. Laughing and carrying on and having the best time ever.

The camping trip with friends and brothers would wait for a time. Fen decided she wanted to be absolutely certain the new Claret's treatment was working well. Last thing we needed for a flare up to screw him over again while hanging out with his friends. A full sixty days went by before we set our plans.

And that… well, that was a story for another time. Never let it be said that spending a week in the woods with your brothers is not entertaining. Or weird. It was all of those things and more.

For now, River was better, and that was most important. Digging oneself out of rock bottom is challenging. I was evidence of that.

But I'd had no one during my time at the bottom. River had a crew of everyone to pull him up.

I told you… this kid was gonna have the best life we could give him.


END