I awoke before the sunrise once again, nightmares had still been swirling my mind, but I felt more well rested than usual. The night air was cold up in the cave and I could feel the moisture in the air collecting on the ground around me when I stretched, making my pant leg damp.

I almost forgot about the envelope that Minato-Sensei had given me. I picked it up and wiped the morning dew off, leaving small smudge marks but it didn't seem to have soaked through the paper at all. It was heavy, but it didn't feel like there was anything more than paper inside.

I wonder if I should open it…Do I want to know what's inside?

I let out a heavy sigh, looking out over the trees and into the distance. It must be very early because there was no hint that the sun would be coming up. The night sky was littered with beautiful stars and the moon was almost full, lighting up the entire forest.

I guess it's now or never…

I undid the gold clasp that was holding the envelope flap closed and pulled the stack of paper from inside, there had to be at least one hundred pages and the top piece was blank except for one word.

KAKASHI

It was written in a beautiful script, flowing across the page taking up most of the space. I placed it on my lap, still leaning against the large rock where I had been sleeping. My eyes moved to the first sentence on the page that followed.

'We haven't spoken in four years…I hope this will change things between us in the future.'

This was…from Rin.

I began reading through the pages, most of the first dozen were filling me in on what happened before I came to her house and we parted ways for the final time. The rest were almost like a journal, as if she wrote a paragraph a day for the past four years. She wrote about her emotions, things that happened during missions, medical ninjutsu training, friends she had made. It was all written and kept track of for herself, but apparently at some point she decided that it was for me because the last 10 pages were as if she was speaking to me directly. She asked questions that went unanswered, she talked about our past, about the bad times and the good times. After reading for what felt like hours, the last page was in my hand. The final words spread across the middle just as the first page had.

I'M SORRY

I laid the last piece of paper face down with the rest of the pages on my lap. I couldn't believe that I had just read all of Rin's inner thoughts over the last four years. Why had she given this to me? What purpose did this serve and why didn't she just try and speak to me instead?

Sigh…

I guess there's no worrying about all of that right now. I should just get to the bottom of this now before the group leaves for their mission. I secretly wanted to know who my replacement is too. I pushed myself up from the cold stone floor, packed up the papers, and headed back into the tunnel that led into the village. I should be able to make it to the gates before they even arrive for debriefing, I could talk to her for a few moments before they leave.

I took the quickest route to the entrance of the village, running across the rooftops, making sure to step lightly as not to wake anyone this early in the morning. I wanted to be as early as possible so that I had time to plan out what I was going to say. I had no idea what I was going to do when I saw her. I still felt as though I was shut off from the feelings that I once had, but after reading what I had been given, I wonder if I will feel the same when I finally speak to her again.

I arrived just before the sun started to peek over the trees, the team hadn't arrived yet so I sat on the same small stone wall that Obito, Rin and I would talk and joke around on before missions while we waited for Minato-Sensei. Those days were long passed, but I still felt a sense of nostalgia when I ran my hand over the smooth stones. So many good memories all around the village and I had become accustomed to the small flashbacks that would come and go when I would be somewhere or smell something that reminded me of the two of them.

Not long after I had arrived, Minato-Sensei came walking down the main road leading to the gates. He was alone so I assume he was getting here early to prepare for the mission, but he walked over to me instead and sat down on the rock wall too.

"You know, this is where my team sat when I was a kid too. Jiraiya-Sensei would always be late and have an excuse that I never believed." He sighed, looking up at the morning sky with a smile on his face. "We had some really good times back then. I never expected any of the things that life has thrown at me."

I looked down at the ground beneath my feet, kicking at the dirt slightly.

"Minato-Sensei." I said quietly. "Did you know what was in that envelope?" I was gripping both of my hands tightly to the edges of the rock. I didn't want him to say yes. I didn't want to be the only one who didn't know about the way she felt.

"No, I didn't." He said. "And I'm going to guess that it's none of my business. Rin gave me the envelope and asked me to give it to you before I went to find you." He looked over at me. "I only told you to come see me when you were ready because whatever it had been, I knew it was important to the both of you." He stood up and walked a few paces toward the gate. "We both know how you handle emotional situations, so I just wanted to be here for you if you needed it."

I let out a deep sigh. So, he didn't know after all, he just was being a good mentor and letting me know that he wanted to help me. I couldn't blame him for that, and I felt bad for blowing him off at the training grounds now. I thought he was just being controlling and unreasonable, but that was what I was doing.

The sun had begun to rise soon after Minato-Sensei had walked away, he was speaking to the guards at the gate while he was waiting for his team to make an appearance. I had laid down across the stone wall, staring at the sky trying to come up with the right words to use when I saw finally saw Rin again when I heard footsteps coming from down the road. I turned my head slightly and glanced with my one eye halfway open so that nobody would notice. Rin was walking toward the gate and I don't think that she noticed me laying there yet, she had a smile on her face that I hadn't seen in years. I rolled onto my side, pushing myself into a sitting position. I need to talk to her before she leaves, before I lose this newfound courage that I had built up over night.

"R…Rin!" I smiled and waved slightly in her direction. This was it, there was no avoiding her anymore now that I got her attention.

She turned her head and looked toward me; the smile faded from her face immediately when she caught my eye. She had stopped walking, seeming almost frozen where she was standing. I don't think that she had been expecting to see me this morning. Maybe I should have waited until after her mission to talk to her, I didn't want to upset her by coming here.

I stood up and began walking over to her with my hands in my pockets. I had to do this, just a simple apology would suffice at this point, I didn't even need her to accept it or say anything at all. I was only about a foot away from her when I stopped, she was still making eye contact with me, she wasn't smiling, but she also didn't look afraid like the last time that I had seen her face to face like this four years ago.

"I…um…I got the papers…" I stuttered a little bit more than I had intended. I didn't want to sound nervous, but I couldn't help it. She wasn't speaking, but she diverted her gaze downward and sighed lightly as if she had been holding her breath since seeing me.

"Kakashi…I'm sorry. I never meant to give you that…" Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. "I was going to keep that to myself, because it doesn't make a difference…but you deserved to know after everything that I put you through." She looked back up to me, her eyes glistening slightly, but she wasn't crying.

"No, it does make a difference" I said firmly. "I'm Sorr…" She didn't let me finish. She held her left hand up to stop me from speaking any further.

She smiled slightly, her face softening as she spoke. "I don't need an apology Kakashi…I don't want an apology." She lowered her hand and shook her head. "I won't even accept one, because although I was the one to tell you goodbye…You never gave it a second thought". She turned away from me and began walking toward the gate once again before shouting. "Don't worry Kakashi, I don't hate you." She stuck her hand in the air and gave it a dismissing wave and jogged off toward Minato-Sensei.

I stood there for what seemed like forever. All my confidence washed completely out of my body in that moment. She didn't want to fix things, she didn't want my apology or to hear me out, she didn't want anything to do with me still. Why did she even give me that stupid envelope, she should have just kept it for herself if it made no difference.

I balled my fists inside my pockets. What was the point of any of this? I was perfectly fine before she decided to mess me all up again. I turned in Rin's direction and without thinking I screamed. "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!". She had already reached the gate and was speaking with Minato-Sensei, her back turned to me. I knew she could hear me even though she wasn't reacting, because Sensei had looked over at me. His face said a thousand words, his eyes were soft, and he looked sympathetic. I had to leave, I couldn't stand here anymore, I needed to go back to who I was before this.

"Sorry if I'm late!" A deep voice called out from behind me. I heard footsteps pounding the dirt as a figure ran past me waving. "I was just informed about this mission an hour ago." Asuma Saratobi, the son of the Fourth Hokage was replacing me on this mission. We had been good friends in the past, but I had cut him off with everyone else over the past few years unintentionally. I watched as he approached the group, wrapping an arm around Rin's waist as she leaned against his shoulder.

That's an interesting turn of events.

Now I really had to walk away. I don't know why I expected to know such a major detail of Rin's life when we hadn't spoken in so long, but nobody else made mention of their relationship either. Maybe that was for the best though, it was none of my business anyway. I turned and headed away from them, I had patrols to do around the western walls today and could start early if I wanted, I needed something to distract me at this point.

A hand grasped my shoulder from behind as I began to leave. "You still can join us if you want." Minato-Sensei said. "Like she said, she doesn't hate you. You can come with us and try to fix your bond." He was serious. I know he wanted me to say yes, and maybe if I did tag along on the mission it would help us. For now, I needed to be alone to process what had just happened. I sighed and shrugged his hand off. "That's okay Sensei, I'll try for next time." I said as I sprinted away.

There's always next time…

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Sorry guys, I was stuck on this chapter for a week.

Every time I wrote anything it came out as complete trash. This wasn't much better, but I DID IT!

I'll try to update more often! Thank you for sticking with me!