Notes:
I hope you enjoy this chapter my dear readers! Figuring out a name for it was difficult, but I hope you all enjoyed it! Plz lemme know what you think!Yuichiro
The Kakushi took us and the Kocho sisters in what I later learned is called an 'ambulance'. Kanae and Shinobu look over us, and just as I thought, I've got two broken ribs. The entire time, Kanae keeps me distracted with small talk. What are our names? Who is older? How long have we been Demon Slayers, etc.
I'm normally not a very talkative person, but she's so disarming that It actually helps.
I don't even feel embarrassed as she applies disinfectant to our wounds (which are all over our bodies, since the demon used biting flies to attack us.)
It's when we get to the butterfly mansion that the trouble starts.
It's good at first though. I'm sitting down on a hospital bed, Muichiro's been placed on the one next to me, and I'm letting Kanae bandage the worst of my injuries. She has such a soft, peaceful smile. I'm completely calm in her presence. For the first time in my life, I see myself the way someone else is seeing me. I'm not just a brat who would have died ages ago if it weren't for his internal hatred. I'm not the crying failure I was less than an hour ago. I'm a soldier calmly letting a beautiful woman treat his injuries.
No, I am not in love with Kanae! Put that thought out of your heads! I'm just… calmed by her.
And then Muichiro wakes up…
I see him sitting up in his bed, and staring at me wide-eyed "Oi, Muichiro…" but I shut up when I see his eyes fill with tears.
I'm not surprised by this. It was terrifying for both of us. I'm sure he's relieved to see me, and I expect him to tackle me with a hug any second now…
That's not what he does. He turns and runs out of the room, wailing worse than I've ever heard him before.
My mouth hangs open… That wasn't relief.
Kanae puts a hand gently on my arm. "Don't worry, I'll go and talk to him, Yuichiro-kun." She leaves and goes after Muichiro, leaving me dumbfounded.
I can hear him in the other room. He's crying so badly that he's almost screaming. I didn't expect it to be nearly this bad… What happened? It couldn't just be the panic attack! Just now he ran away from me !
Kanae just told me not to worry, but I'm absolutely mortified. Muichiro just ran away from me… why? What did I do to him?
The bed shifts ever so slightly as Shinobu sits down next to me. She's as light as a feather, and puts a comforting arm around me.
"I used to wake up screaming in the middle of the night just like that when I was his age. Demons killed our parents. But it gets better, I promise. Nee-san can work magic."
I can still hear Muichiro in the other room. It wasn't since our parents died that I heard him cry like this.
"But I'm his older brother damnit… I should be able to be there for him" I get up to leave, but Shinobu gently holds my hand to stop me. I can see just by looking into her eyes that she's a lot like me… And she's older with more experience. I'd learn later that she was no older than me when she joined the corps.
I plop back down on the bed feeling completely helpless. My brother's screams are grating on me.
"It was the maggots," I say. "Muichiro… They must have reminded him what happened."
"Do you want to talk to me about it?"
I wouldn't want to talk to anyone about it. But since it's Shinobu…
"It was last summer. My brother and I were attacked by a demon in the night. We killed it but… afterward, we were so spent that neither of us could move. I passed out in the morning, but… My brother, he lay there for days, never letting go of my hand."
I fight back tears as I tell her this. I can't believe how helpless I feel tonight. "He'd have nightmares afterward," I say as my voice starts to crack. "He talked about it in his sleep… He watched the maggots eating me alive."
It's in those rare moments when I remember this that I am actually grateful to Kobe. If he hadn't found us when he did… or if he had been just half a day late, I would surely be dead, and Muichiro would be much worse… Or would he be better off?
"I hurt him!" I finally blurt out. My fingers are ripping into the bed and stuffing coming out. "You saw it, didn't you? He was afraid of me! I'm always doing stuff like that to him!"
I'm seething. Now my anger is directed toward myself, but it feels a lot better than sadness."I must've said something to him. I'm always knocking him down. I went too far and now he's afraid of me…"
"Thats not the case!" she says.
"You don't know me Shinobu. You don't know what an ass I am. I…" My anger falters for a moment, and now my words come out heavy with shame. "I don't know how to be anything else."
I slump down. Shinobu gets off the bed and squats in front of me, taking my hands in hers. They are so soft… it's as if they've never held a sword before.
"Yuichiro-kun. Your brother wasn't afraid of you because of anything you did or said. He sees you in his nightmares. It's more normal than you think. He'll get better."
"And you don't see your sister in yours?"
"All the time."
"But you don't avoid her. Your not afraid of her."
"It takes time." She says kindly. "But It's still vital to him that you're there for him"
Muichiro's crying is starting to die down in the other room.
"Yeah," I say. There is some irritation that's come back into my voice. I nearly nock Shinobu over as I get up. I follow the sound of my brother's cries. The pain in my arm immediately shoots back into me. I grunt as I grab it, and that's when Shinobu grabs ahold of me.
I turn around and look at her. I probably look pretty scary right now. My eyes are red and full of anger.
I've already sized Shinobu up, and I know that even though she's sixteen and I'm only eleven, I could easily overpower her.
I actually consider it for a moment, but something about her… something about those eyes which are doing the opposite of what mine are doing, brings me to my senses.
In his current state, Muichiro doesn't need me. Even Shinobu can't do much for him. Right now, he needs Kanae.
I let Shinobu lead me back to the bed, and we sit down together. I'm trembling with anger, and my arm hurts worse than ever.
"I understand how you feel, Yuichiro. Believe me, I do." I noticed she's not using my honorific anymore. Somehow I know that she's not just saying this.
We sit in silence for a while. Muichiro's crying seems to go on forever, and it's hurting me worse than the pain in my arm, so I go back to my training. I focus on the physical pain and nothing else. I am in total concentration-constant mode.
Shinobu returns with two cups of tea. She's so weightless I didn't even notice her get up off the bed. "Drink this," she says. "Please, it will help your pain."
I want to snarl at her for pitying me, and tell her that I don't need it, or that I want the pain. But I take a deep breath and accept the medicinal tea instead. It has a strong bitter taste which is barely masked by sweetener.
"Nee-san and I will look at your arm tomorrow," she says. "We can help you."
I get up from the bed, take the second cup in one hand, and my sword in the other. "I'm going outside to train," I say.
"Please rest." She says.
"I'll rest while I train!"
It's pretty cold out tonight. Good! It's just what I need to help me meditate. It might actually snow. I hope it does.
I walk to the edge of the yard, as far away from the building as I can get. I sit down, unsheathe my sword, and look at the moon one last time before I do what I've done many times before.
I cradle my bare sword as I meditate. I am in total concentration-constant mode. I'm letting the moon fill me with her energy. I am at peace with the searing pain in my arm, even as my eyes start to feel as though they are bleeding.
Shinobu drapes a Haori over my shoulders. She watches me from behind that entire night. I know she is there because I can feel our mutual anger in a dance. My flames and hers are intertwined. They dance together as a raging hot fire. I will kill… every last demon in my path. I will watch their bodies disintegrate as they are dragged back to hell! My blade will devour them as they devour us.
They rise with the moon, and so do I.
Muichiro
Nii-san thinks that I'm weak. Tonight, I proved him right.
I'm so ashamed. I… Nevermind. You already know what I did. All I can tell you now is that I woke up feeling gross all over.
Nii-san!
I need to know he's alright! Before I even figure out where I am, I bolt upright looking for him…. He's on a hospital bed right next to mine… he's all bandaged up. But the most striking thing is his eyes… Nii-san's eyes look redder than ever. They look so pained. And all in an instant the terrible realization comes to me… How much of a burden I was to him… Because I couldn't hold it together… because I was weak… because I was selfish, and dragged him into this.
I cannot face him. I can't look him in the eye a second longer.
Before I know it I've collapsed on the floor of another room… I can't even get my damn crying under control! I was so scared back there! But rather than be relieved that we made it, all I can do is feel pity for myself. Nii-san was right! I'm not one of the chosen few! I'm worthless! I'm useless!
I'm the Mu as in Munōna!
I don't even realize where I am, or how I'm being held by a pair of gentle hands… Until I've finally cried myself to sleep.
I wake up again in a hospital bed. There is a woman humming to herself nearby. Is it the same person from last night? Her voice is so soothing. I turn over and see her working at her desk… She's just like a songbird.
"Ara ara, You're finally awake," she says turning around. "You slept for quite a long time. My name is Kocho Kanae, and you must be Muichiro-Kun. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."
When I don't respond immediately, she continues. "Your big brother is outside training. I was just finishing the next dose of his medicine."
"Nii-san is…"
"Oh my no," she says, probably fearing from my expression that I'll break into tears again. "It's just pain medicine for his arm. Your brother's injuries from the battle are very minor. Yours are too, but I can see you've had quite a scare."
"I fainted…" I say shamefaced. "I…"
"You had a panic attack Muichiro-kun. It's nothing to be ashamed of. We can talk about it if you like."
Everything about this woman is warm and soft. Her appearance, her voice… I feel completely safe…
I can't afford to feel completely safe. I can't keep being weak! I put Nii-san in danger. If I can't get stronger, then I have to quit being a demon slayer.
"Kocho-san, do you know where I can find a bokken and some practice dummies?"
She tilts her head and smiles at me. "You are just like your brother." Her voice is so full of fondness. It reminds me of Mother. "Your injuries are light. Please let me just change your bandages first. After that, I'll leave your brother's medicine out for my sister to take to him, and I'll show you a place where you can train. I'll be happy to help you if you like."
I can already tell that this woman is a demon slayer. I don't have to see the uniform to know it. I can also tell she's really strong. I'm sure she can help me get stronger.
"Yes, thank you Kocho-san, but…" I can feel my brother's anger from all the way here. I can actually feel every wrathful swing of his sword… I know that it isn't directed at me, but I'm still not ready to face him. Besides, I have my own anger inside me. "Kocho…san, Is there another place to train?"
Her smile drops, but her face immediately goes from puzzled to understanding. "Of course. We can use the Dojo in the meantime. You and Kanao can work on your basic reflexes and breathing together. Then we can go out into the yard and practice your Kenjutsu. Does that sound alright with you?"
"Yes ma'am, but…" Somehow I can tell. This woman is a healer. "Could you please help me with some of my… Other problems?"
"What do you mean Muichiro-kun?"
"I have to get stronger in here as well," I say pointing to my head, "and here," I say pointing to my chest.
Kanae gives me an understanding smile and giggles. "I'll see what I can do."
Nii-san has always been stronger than me. Since that day, I couldn't even eat fish because seeing dead flesh in front of me made me break out into cold sweats.
I should have said something to Nii-san, but I ignored my problems… I ignored my phobias until I fainted in the middle of a fight and put him in danger… That horrible demon! I know what happened when I was out! I am determined to become the best swordsman I can, and fight those monsters with everything I've got! And I'll become someone worthy of fighting alongside him.
I'll get better, even if it kills me.
Tetsuido-san… told me over and over how worried he was, how I pushed myself too hard… But after what happened that night, I don't think I can afford to take it easy.
It snowed last night, but I don't bother to change out of my hospital clothes when I go outside to do the harder parts of my training. All I can think about is that memory… No, not that memory! That place! I was there! When that demon's maggots crawled all over me, I was physically there, and I felt nothing but panic. But now I am present and I feel nothing but rage!
I won't lose you Nii-san! I won't let that happen again! Your my big brother! You are all I have left!
My lungs hurt, but I can't stop panting… I can taste blood in my mouth… I can feel tears in my eyes.
I feel Kanae's hand on my shoulder.
"You did really well Muichiro-kun, but that's quite enough. Let's get you back inside. I have a nice warm bath and a hot meal waiting for you."
That sounds nice… I am pretty cold. I don't let go of my bokken, but I still let Kanae take my hand as she leads me inside.
Yuichiro.
It's my second night at the butterfly mansion. I haven't gone inside yet. Shinobu begged me, even threatened me, but I didn't listen.
The last thing she told me before getting frustrated and going inside was this: "Your little brother thinks the world of you. He has no idea how fragile your mind is. You use anger as your shield because you think that you'll become weak without it. Hear me well Yuichiro, your brother may mistake your anger for strength, but you must not make that same mistake. I used to be the same as you… I still am."
She said that last part quieter, and then went back inside. I don't remember if she said anything more that night.
But on that night, I wasn't even thinking about what she said.
I am of a single thought right now.
I am waiting for someone.
That disgusting laughter in a man's and woman's voices both at once. "You waited out here for Koufun? Koufun is happy. Now Koufun gets to make you Koufun's dummy-mummy."
I say nothing.
"Koufun marked you and the other one. Koufun's little creatures leave a scent on you. Koufun followed you little demon slayers."
Koufun is gross… but I say nothing.
"Koufun remembers you. You couldn't cut Koufun's neck."
I take my stance… I was unable to master the fifth form of moon breathing but… I've developed a sixth and yesterday; a seventh.
Seventh Form: Moonlight's Glory, Awe And Terror!
In an instant, I've closed the distance between this demon and myself. He is now at my blade's mercy!
The demon jumps back and laughs at me in its weird double-voice.
"You got stronger little one, but you still haven't cut Koufun's neck. Too bad for you."
Actually, I deliberately avoided its neck.
Koufun's fingers start to fall off at first. Then its hands and the rest of its arms, section by section.
Then its torso collapses to the ground because I've done the same to its legs.
From Koufun's gaping, unclosing mouths, it gives the most demonic scream imaginable! Like a hundred different voices screaming in united panic. I'm sure it woke up everyone in the mansion.
Tch. Probably woke Muichiro too.
"You are disgusting" I finally say, as all sorts of bugs gush out from its wounds. "You make me want to throw up. The fact that you even touched my brother… with your disgusting worms, is unforgivable."
"Koufun cannot be beaten by a child! Koufun cannot be beaten by a human!"
Koufun can shut the hell up.
I slash its mouths, cutting its head in two. I slash its eye with the Kanji in it. I segment its skull, and then… When I feel like I really will throw up because of all the gross things that are bursting out of it when I cut it; I slash its neck.
"Become reincarnated as just a regular worm" I say mercifully. "The kind fisherman put on their hooks."
I spit on the ground where its head has just disintegrated and head back to the Mansion.
More Notes:
My boy just killed a lower moon. You all know what that means... Next, it will be time to meet the rest of the pillars!