Chapter Nineteen

Finally parting, Charlie opened her own eyes and looked into Joey's soulful ones. Slowly she became aware of her surroundings again, of the sound of the waves lapping at the side of the boat and of the fact that she was lying in the arms of another woman and that she had just had the best kiss of her life. Panicked, she leapt out of Joey's arms and stumbled to her feet. Breathing heavily, she stared down at Joey who looked as frightened as she did.

"I um… I have to go," Charlie blurted out, reaching down the grab her handbag.

"We're in the middle of the ocean," Joey reminded her.

Charlie looked wildly around. All she could see was sea and sky.

"Right," she said. "Um… yes. We are."

She momentarily wondered if she could swim home. All she could think about was getting as far away from Joey as possible. She couldn't believe that she had just kissed a girl and that she'd like it. She silently cursed Katy Perry. Nobody could ever use those words together seriously anymore. She scolded herself for even using those words together at all. It wasn't Katy Perry's fault, it was hers. And maybe Joey's.

"I'll get the engine started," Joey said.

She got to her feet. Charlie jumped out of the way as she passed her. Joey's heart sank, furious with herself for letting things go too far. She'd counted herself so lucky to have Charlie in her life and then in typical Joey fashion she'd messed the whole thing up. Charlie had been so kind to her, she'd taken her in and cared for her, got her back on her feet and Joey had taken advantage. She'd been a predatory lesbian and done wrong by Charlie. Safely inside and at the wheel where Charlie couldn't see her, Joey allowed her tears to flow. She felt as if her heart was actually breaking in two as sobs tore through her body. She didn't hear Charlie enter the small space so she jumped when she felt her arms around her.

"I'm sorry," Charlie whispered.

Joey couldn't even speak. She let Charlie guide her against her body and hold her close.

"I just panicked," Charlie explained. "I've never… I'm not…"

She couldn't find the words. Joey cut the engine. She was in no fit state to steer right now. Wiping her eyes, she looked up at Charlie.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to take advantage. Please don't hate me, Charlie."

"I don't hate you," Charlie said kindly. "And you didn't take advantage. I was right there with you, Joey. That's what's freaking me out so much."

Joey stared at Charlie, trying not to hope that Charlie might be telling her that she had feelings for her too. Charlie tried to speak but couldn't. She wiped Joey's tears away.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Joey," she said. "Please don't think you did."

Joey nodded but she was no less confused.

"I don't really know what to say," Charlie admitted. "I don't know how I feel about this."

"You don't need to say anything," Joey said sadly. "We can forget about it if you want."

She didn't want to forget about it. She wanted to kiss Charlie again and again and again for the rest of her life. But she didn't think Charlie would be so willing and she wanted to give her the easy option. Charlie nodded.

"We can just go back to being best friends?" Charlie asked.

Joey nodded and tried to swallow the lump in her throat that was aching increasingly severely.

"Thanks," Charlie said. "That sounds like the right thing to do."

Joey smiled tightly and started the engine again. Charlie stepped back and watched Joey drive in silence, taking her back to shore. They made a few attempts at conversation on their journey but all of them failed.

***

Once they reached land, Joey gathered up the picnic stuff and helped Charlie off the boat. Charlie kept hold of Joey's hand as they walked. She squeezed her fingers gently and looked into her eyes, hating the hurt that she saw there. She never wanted to hurt Joey. She wanted to protect her, be there for her, love her. She wanted to kiss her again. Sighing, Charlie recalled the moment they had shared on deck. It really had been the best kiss she'd ever had. Their hearts had connected the moment their lips had met. She was torn between wanting to do it again and wanting to forget the whole thing. Charlie Buckton had never been so confused before.