Chapter Fifty-Two

"Okay, thanks, Martha," Charlie said before she hung up the phone.

Entering the living room where Joey was washing up their breakfast things, she smiled at her partner.

"Tony got to the hospital in time to see Rachel give birth," she said.

Joey looked pleased.

"That's great," she said.

"They had a baby boy called Harry. That was Martha on the phone."

"I'm glad everything worked out for them," Joey said, trying not to let her voice echo her own sorrow over her certainty that things wouldn't work out for her and Charlie.

"You ready to go?" Charlie asked.

"Yep," Joey replied, drying her hands.

They headed out to the car together and Charlie made a swift journey to the docks so Joey could get onto the boat. Joey leant across the seat and kissed Charlie goodbye.

"Have a good day," Charlie said.

"And you. See you tonight for rehearsals?"

"Absolutely," Charlie promised.

If yesterday had taught her anything it was that life was too short. There was no way she was going to keep letting work get in the way of her relationship. She was going to spend every single second that she could with Joey and hopefully she could cheer her up. While she hadn't figured out what was wrong yet, she was hoping for some enlightenment soon so that she could make it better. She kept asking but Joey didn't seem to want to talk. She was subdued and flat and it made Charlie sad. She just wanted to know what was wrong.

***

As Romeo, Charlie delivered her monologue watching Joey, as Juliet lie deathly still.

"Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!" she said, nearing the end. "Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on the dashing rocks thy seasick weary bark! Here's to my love!"

She swallowed her small vial of water, acting as poison, too engaged in the drama to be proud of herself for remembering her lines with little practice.

"O true Apothecary!" she finished. "The drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die."

She let her body fall slack beside Joey's, resisting the urge to reach out and hold her hand. She'd felt surprisingly emotional watching her girlfriend lay 'dead'. As the language washed over her, she'd become consumed with the idea of losing Joey. Her tears were real. Lying still, she listened to the other members of the group; the people playing the Friar and Balthazar speak their lines. Following her cue about the lady stirring, she felt Joey slowly sit up and ask about Romeo. As the Friar explained and left, the scene became centred around Juliet and her dead lover.

"What's here?" Joey asked, gazing down at Charlie. "A cup, closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end. O churl! drunk all and left no friendly drop to help me after?"

Joey struggled as she pictured Charlie, not Romeo lying so still beside her, wondering what she would do should that ever happen.

"I will kiss thy lips," she decided, her voice quivering with emotion. "Haply some poison yet doth hang on them to make me die with a restorative."

Joey bent close and tenderly caught Charlie's lips with her own. Charlie fought every instinct within her, willing herself not to kiss her back. She'd failed on many occasion when she and Joey had practiced at home and it had led to many a make out session.

"Thy lips are warm!" Joey, as Juliet declared as she drew away.

The man playing the Watchman stepped onto the stage, referring to an unseen person in the wings.

"Lead, boy," he said. "Which way?"

"Yea, noise?" Juliet gasped. "Then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!"

She snatched up Romeo's dagger.

"This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die."

Joey pretended to stab herself and then let her fallen body rest atop Charlie's. Tears spilled silently from her eyes as she became caught up with the thought of losing Charlie and having to live without her. It was all too real a concept.

***

Charlie dropped Amber off and then headed back home with Joey, who was still very quiet. Charlie felt sad. They had been so connected during their scene and now it felt like there was an invisible gulf between them. She wanted to bridge it but she didn't know how.

"It was a good rehearsal today," she commented.

"Yeah, it was," Joey agreed. "Pretty emotional."

"I actually cried for real," Charlie admitted.

Joey turned to look at her, gazing into her eyes.

"You did?"

Charlie nodded.

"Me too," Joey revealed.

"I just kept thinking about what it would be like to lose you and I couldn't stop myself," Charlie added, embarrassed.

They held hands across the seats. Charlie was thrilled when she felt Joey begin to stroke her fingers. Hope fluttered in both their hearts. Charlie felt like Joey's walls were coming down and Joey wondered if perhaps Charlie wasn't planning on leaving her after all.

"That's pretty much what I'm going through," Joey said.

Charlie pulled into the drive and turned the engine off. She eyed Joey curiously.

"Going through generally?" she asked, bewildered.

Joey looked down. She lifted Charlie's hand and kissed it. Charlie continued to watch her.

"Joey?"

"Do you have feelings for Angelo?" Joey asked softly.

Charlie dropped Joey's hand in utter shock.

"What?"

Joey's tears began again.

"Do you?" she asked.

"He's my friend," Charlie said. "Nothing more than that."

Joey wasn't comforted.

"Joey, what's going on? I don't understand," Charlie pleaded. "You've been acting strangely ever since... ever since what happened with Angelo and Tony. Before that, even."

Realisation flooded her brain.

"You think there's something going on?" she asked, wounded.

"No," Joey said. "Just that... there will be. I keep expecting you to sit me down and tell me..."

"Well stop expecting it!" Charlie snapped.

Suddenly tearful herself, she jumped out of the car and headed into the house. Joey crumpled as she watched Charlie walk out on her, hating herself for bringing the subject up at all. Now she really would lose her. Sitting back in her seat, she closed her eyes, trying to regain her senses before she followed.

***

Inside the house, Charlie flung herself onto her bed, facedown and crying. She was frustrated by Joey's lack of faith, she was angry and she was hurt. She didn't look up when she heard the door open. Joey perched on the edge of the bed, afraid of approaching her girlfriend. Finally, she placed a hand on Charlie's hip. Charlie turned round, looking at Joey with red rimmed eyes.

"Why are we having the same conversation so much?" she asked.

"I'm sorry," Joey replied meekly. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"Yes, you should have. But sooner. Joey, I don't understand where you're coming from at all."

"You just... you seemed so devastated yesterday."

"He nearly died, Joey. Of course I was devastated. I care about him and I empathise with how much he hates himself because I've been there before. And so have you. You know how lonely it is to feel like you have nobody and nothing in your life. I can't deny him friendship. But it doesn't mean that I want to be with him. I don't. I don't want to be with anyone but you and I don't know how many different ways I can say that," Charlie said desperately.

Joey chewed her lip.

"I need you to start trusting me," Charlie continued. "I would never cheat on you."

"I never thought you would," Joey replied sincerely. "I just thought..."

"That'd I'd break up with you and jump into bed with Angelo," Charlie accused.

Joey looked down at the bedspread, breaking contact with Charlie and feeling like she'd let her down.

"You were with him once."

"I've been with lots of people! Wait, no, that didn't come out right. What I mean is that I've dated guys. I dated Angelo. I wanted to love him. I wanted it to work. But knowing what I know now, I realise it never could have. Because I'm meant to be with you. Yes, I was distraught when he wanted to let go of Tony's hand but that's because he'll always mean something to me. It doesn't mean more than that. And if you must know, half of what made me so upset was that I thought about losing you and it broke me. That's why I cried tonight at rehearsals – because that thought was still raw."

Joey gazed at Charlie, feeling terribly guilty as she realised how earnest she was being.

"I'm sorry for being insecure," she finally said.

Charlie nodded.

"Please don't be jealous. Please don't think that this silly idea you have in your head has any credibility. It doesn't. I'm with you. I love you."

She reached out to hold Joey's hand.

"I love you. I feel like I love you too much," Joey said.

Charlie gazed at her.

"I get so frightened of losing you. I need you, Charlie."

"And I need you," Charlie confirmed. "After everything we've been through, do you really think we could let this go so easily? I've never felt this way about anyone before. I don't let people in. I don't open up. I've been dumped so many times for exactly that reason. But with you, it's different. I've opened my heart to you willingly and happily. You've changed me. You make me a better person."

Joey blushed and squeezed Charlie's hand tighter.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too if I made you feel insecure. The only reason I didn't try to reassure you was because I had no idea there was an issue. Me leaving you for Angelo or for anyone was the furthest thing from my mind."

They met in a kiss.

"Can we draw a line under all this?" Joey asked. "I'll stop panicking and start having some faith in us, I promise. I think you're a loon for loving me but I'm not about to knock it. I love you more than anything and if you want to be with me, you've got me as long as you want."

"Well, that sets us up nicely for the rest of our lives."

They kissed again.

"And I'm not blameless," Charlie said.

Joey looked at her quizzically.

"Don't think I don't get jealous of Amber. I do."

"Amber?" Joey said, surprised.

"She likes you."

"I don't know..."

"She does."

"I don't feel the same."

"Good! And Joey, while we're being honest... Angelo did say he still had feelings for me."

Joey's heart sank.

"I very firmly put him in his place," Charlie said. "And he'd never try anything. He knows I love you. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to make you paranoid but it looks like I failed there, hey?"

They chuckled and kissed again, this time letting it develop more intimately. Charlie suddenly pulled back.

"Wait," she said. "You thought I was going to leave you and you just took it?"

"I wanted you to be happy," Joey said. "If I'm not the person to do that then I figured you should do what's right for you. I guess I was hanging on for as long as I could, keeping you as long as I was allowed and then figured I'd force myself to let you go if that's what you needed to do."

Charlie thought she fell in love with Joey even more deeply. She pulled Joey into her arms and kissed her.

"I love you so much," she whispered. "And I'm not going anywhere, okay? It's me and you and nobody else. That's the deal."