A/N: In answer to a review... This Harry might seem out of character because this story breaks from canon right at the beginning and shows the Harry that could have been if this lonely, abused child had been left to discover and develop his magic on his own. Let us remember that in canon he goes straight from being oppressed by the Dursleys and completely ignorant about his magic to being rescued and influenced by Hagrid. He discovers that he is a wizard at the same time he learns about his parents (who were heroes and the embodiment of 'good'), about Voldemort (who is his true enemy and the embodiment of 'evil'), about his fame (that he earned defeating an evil wizard, which makes Harry the embodiment of 'good'), about Hogwarts (a school he is immediately assured he will go to no matter what the Dursleys say), about Dumbledore (who in Hagrid's opinion is the greatest wizard ever and the main opponent of evil), about his Vault full of gold (which eliminates his dependence on the Dursleys) and about all evil wizards coming from Slytherin, amongst other things. Harry is then left with a very different living situation at the Dursleys: now he has his own room, all his magical supplies and an owl to communicate with Hagrid in case of need, and Dudley is so terrified of magic because of the pig tail Hagrid gave him that he doesn't bully him. All his new discoveries and change of situation make possible and morally right for him to 'forgive' and focus on following in his parents' heroic steps. Everything that he suffered with the Dursleys is still there, but they no longer have (so much) power over him and they can't stop him from going to Hogwarts. Harry is curious and interested in magic, of course (he does read his new textbooks), but he doesn't have need of it since the Dursleys are ignoring him and he has pretty much everything he needs. That's how canon starts, and such beginning determines Harry's relationship with the Dursleys from then on as well as Harry's views of good and evil for the rest of canon.
In some of my other stories the Harry I portray might seem more in character because he had already lived several years as canonical Harry by the time I break from canon and start subjecting him to different circumstances or influences. There is still plenty of time in those other stories to allow him to develop a different side of him (you can certainly expect a darker Harry at some point in The Way Forward), but since he has already defined himself as a Gryffindor he will no doubt resist to any moral deviation.
In this particular fanfiction Harry starts differently, and as a consequence I expect he will be 'out of character' for the entire story. Although the way I see it he is actually in character (or at least I try to keep him that way) and developing in a way that makes perfect sense considering his history of abuse and the fact that he thinks he is all alone and has nothing but his magic and his own wits. This Harry is not evil, but he is a survivor and has a similar background to Tom Riddle so in my opinion it makes sense they both start using their magic for similar purposes (protecting themselves, punishing their abusers, getting independence). I would have done the same if I had had magic at their age.
We shall have to see what happens when after this start Harry finally learns about his parents and his fame and all that.
Chapter 6
Severus was in the middle of a very complex and delicate brewing process when he heard the sound of the Floo activating followed by the annoying voice of the Headmaster calling for him.
"I'm busy!" he shouted, refusing to be distracted from his careful stirring.
"I need you, Severus, now."
Dumbledore didn't shout (he rarely did), but he did raise his voice and his tone demanded instant obedience. Cursing the day he had sold his soul to the old wizard in exchange of an unfulfilled promise, Severus turned off the fire and vanished the potion before marching out of his lab with gritted teeth.
"Your urgency has cost me around twenty-five galleons in rare ingredients," he said irritably as he walked into the sitting room. "I will expect a reimbursement in my next paycheck, and you can go wrestling with the Acromantulas to get me more v-"
"I need you to go to Little Whinging to check on Harry, Severus," cut him off Dumbledore.
Severus scowled down at the old head.
"You interrupted my brewing for this? Go yourself, old man."
"I don't have time to deal with this situation now. I have to meet Nicholas in Devon in ten minutes, and from there I fly to Paris for the ICW's General Assembly."
"Send someone else, then," spat Severus. "Minerva will be happy to go, I'm certain of that."
"I'm sending you, Severus," said Dumbledore in an intransigent tone.
"You gave me your word that the boy would never know about me and Lily, Dumbledore," he reminded him angrily, "do you think Petunia will not bring it up the instant I walk into her home?"
It was already a possibility that Petunia had told the boy about Lily's childhood friends, but in case she had opted for pretending he didn't exist Severus would rather stay well away and not give her a reason to mention him.
"I'm sure you can handle Petunia, Severus," said Dumbledore dismissively. "The important thing now is to make sure the boy is safe. Arabella informed me that there was some sort of incident —probably a bout of accidental magic— and Harry seems to have run away from home. Apparently the Muggle police got involved, so you might have to do some memory work to contain the situation before the boy is reported as missing or the Ministry sends someone to investigate. Harry must be found and returned to the house as soon as possible, Severus, lest the blood wards fall, and he must be welcomed in by Petunia. If she needs reassurance tell her that the accidental magic will have already stopped by next summer. Oh, and please let her know that someone will pick up Harry on his birthday to take him to Diagon Alley."
Severus didn't have time to object again before the Headmaster told him that he trusted him to take care of everything and disappeared in a whirl of ashes. And so he was left standing alone in his sitting room contemplating the unpleasant prospect of paying a visit to Petunia and tracking down a spoiled, attention-seeker brat that must have run off after throwing a magical tantrum over some trivial thing like losing a board game or not getting enough cookies.
His heart was beating rather fast as he changed into Muggle clothes, and he knew it wasn't just fury what was sending his blood pressure to the roof. He had been fearing the moment when he would finally meet Lily's son for the last ten years, and he still didn't feel even remotely ready for it. Dumbledore had said the boy had her eyes, precisely her eyes, and according to Minerva and Hagrid he had black hair, so the sight of him no doubt would be like a knife buried and twisted deep into Severus' heart. Would it be more painful to be confronted to a black-haired male version of Lily or to a green-eyed version of fucking Potter? He suspected the latter, although either would be an unbearable reminder of how the child had been created and of the fact that Severus had had nothing to do with it.
And the famous scar... it would be impossible to look at the scar and not being reminded of the Dark Lord, and the Prophecy, and Severus' part in Lily's death. And of the brat's part in Lily's death. Because that's why she had died, in the end: for the brat. Dumbledore had explained to Severus that for her sacrifice to invoke such a powerful protective magic Lily must have had a choice, a chance to live, and she had chosen to die for her son. That knowledge made Severus further resent Harry Potter's existence even as it was the reason why he had agreed to protect him.
Conflicted and ill-disposed as he felt in regard to the boy, Severus was relieved that he had not had to come into contact with him during the last decade and that he would not have to fake any positive or even neutral feelings towards him. On the contrary. As Head of Slytherin and former Death Eater it would be expected of him to despise or outright hate the new Golden Boy of Gryffindor, just as it would be expected of the Boy-Who-Lived to revile all things Slytherin. Two roles that if the brat was anything like his bloody father would come easy to both of them.
He had expected to start playing his role at Hogwarts, however, within the controlled environment of his classroom (Dumbledore had already arranged for first year Slytherins and Gryffindors to share Potions even though that was a dangerous combination), and to have one more month to hopefully sort out all this emotional mess before being confronted to Lily's son.
One more month would not have made a difference, he told himself bitterly as he put on a muggle coat and stepped out of his anti-Apparition wards, I will never be ready to see those eyes in the wrong face.
Three hours later, the fact that Lily's eyes —precisely her eyes— rested in James Potter's face —precisely his face— was the least of his concerns. Since there wasn't a single photograph of Harry Potter inside the Dursleys house, Severus had had to enter Petunia's mind to get a mental picture of who he was looking for, and the image that had been burned in her brain —and that was now burned in Severus'— was disturbing in a way that had nothing to do with the boy's physical appearance.
Severus shivered, whether from cold or from that mental image he couldn't say. Fang was trembling against his leg, so cold probably had something to do, although the stupid dog was such a coward that it could just be trembling in fear of its own shadow.
He hated this slobbering dog, and he hated to have had to ask any favours from Hagrid, but it couldn't be denied that the beast had a good nose. Severus wouldn't have come this far without its tracking skills, annoying as it was to admit it. And he was certain that Fang would have led him straight to his target if only the brat had kept walking instead of climbing onto a bloody bus.
Embarrassing as it was to be evaded by an eleven-year-old, Severus was relieved. His first horrified thought when all the tracking spells —even the dark ones— had thrown negative results had been that Lily's son was dead. Now he was convinced that the boy was still alive and somehow blocking all magical attempts to find him, something that until this afternoon he would have thought impossible for a wandless untrained wizard, but that after everything he had discovered in the last few hours...
The hand that was holding Fang's leash closed in an angry fist, and his grip on his wand became so tight that a few red sparks shot into the night. His teeth were clenched in fury.
Lily's son had lived the last ten years inside a cupboard. A cupboard. In a house with four bedrooms, one of which held only toys, the boy had been forced to sleep in a locked cupboard under the stairs.
Out of the way.
So they could pretend the freak didn't exist.
Damn you, Petunia.
Severus was sure that the cupboard was only part of it, but he hadn't had time to inquire further nor he had thought his murderous disposition could have handled any more details.
He didn't need to know more, anyway. Ten years living in a cupboard while his cousin had two rooms for himself was more than enough explanation —and justification— for what had happened today. In his place Severus would have done a lot worse if he had had so much access to his magic at that age, and he also would have run away to escape the consequences if he hadn't had anything or anyone to hold him back.
That thought unsettled him. Petunia had said a lot of nasty things tonight, but nothing had perturbed him so much as her claim that Lily's son was just as vicious and malicious as Severus had been as a child. Ten years wondering whether the boy would be more like Lily or like Potter, and it turned out he had more in common with Severus of all people?
This was all wrong.
Harry Potter was supposed to be the golden hero of the wizarding world, the antithesis of evil and darkness, the one born to defeat the Dark Lord...
Severus' train of thought came to a vertiginous stop.
He hadn't heard the entire Prophecy, and Dumbledore refused to share the rest with him, but the part he had heard didn't say anything about the prophesized child being good. Only that he would have the power to vanquish the Dark Lord.
And who would stand a better chance of defeating the Dark Lord than another, more powerful dark lord?
There had been plenty of talk about Harry Potter during the last decade, and while most people assumed that the boy was the embodiment of light and good there were those who wondered. Power was power, after all, and anyone could be corrupted by power. Lucius was already pressing Draco to befriend Harry Potter so he could gain influence over him, and he wasn't the only one with such ideas. There was a reason why Dumbledore had wanted the boy to be raised away from the wizarding world.
And your brilliant plan backfired stupendously, old man.
Hot fury boiled again inside his otherwise chilled to the bone body. This was all Dumbledore's fault. He had sent Lily's son to live with Petunia despite Severus' and Minerva's contrary advice. And he had assured them that the boy was safe and growing up fine.
How much did Dumbledore know about what had really been going on inside that house? Had he ever gone to check on the boy? Did he care?
Severus didn't know what to think, or feel, or do. The disturbing image of Lily's son torturing his cousin with exulting bright green eyes full of hate kept flashing to the front of his mind. Whether the boy had been in full control of his magic and actions or not, it was obvious that he had wished to hurt, and that he had enjoyed it. Severus was very familiar with the feeling, and although he thought it was perfectly natural he also knew where it led, how easy it was to end up in a dark path when one had so much anger inside and the power to do something about it.
He had also seen in Petunia's mind the incident with her husband, however. The fear and anguish in those same green eyes when the boy was being choked and beaten by that fat oaf, the horror at the sight of his unconscious uncle, the hurt at Petunia's cutting words and nasty threats. Those emotional responses suggested that Lily's son could still be steered away from any dark inclinations he seemed to be developing.
To protect the boy from himself Severus first had to find him, however, a task that he was no longer so optimistic about now that he had reached the end of the trail. He could still consult the muggle transportation records to find out which buses had stopped here in the last two hours and then track down the drivers to check their minds for any recollection of the boy, or try to find the trail again at the destinations or at some stop along the way, or get access to the muggle CCTV records of the entire area and examine them frame by frame, but...
But it was clear that the brat didn't want to be found, and that he had at least some control over his magic. Not too far back Fang had led Severus to a house that had just been robbed under mysterious circumstances (neither the police nor the owners understood how the thief had gotten in and out, since no windows nor doors had been broken or forced open), so the boy could at least open and lock doors at will, and he now had money to aid him on the run. Severus supposed it was good that Lily's son was proving to be somewhat clever and resourceful, since that suggested he might be able to survive on his own and evade other pursuers, but it made him terribly anxious not to have any idea where he was nor whether he would ever find him. What if the boy disappeared into the Muggle world? He didn't have the Trace on him yet, and if he was smart enough he would know not to draw attention with his magic and perhaps even to disguise himself somehow, so he might be able to avoid detection indefinitely.
It seemed absurd the notion of Harry Potter not going to Hogwarts, but Severus wasn't sure the boy knew about Hogwarts or the wizarding world at all. He should have already gotten his letter, but Petunia hadn't seemed to know anything about it and judging by some of her infuriating confessions Severus gathered that she had done her best to make her nephew feel worthless and inferior to her own son, so the boy probably didn't even know that he was famous, wealthy and magical. No way he would have tolerated ten years inside a cupboard if he had known.
Severus' entire Self was swirling. The last few hours had turned upside down everything that he had thought and felt about Lily's son, washing away stupid preconceptions and filling him instead with all sorts of unexpected concerns and fears. He had to consciously remind himself that it was Potter's son he was worried about, but to his shock remembering that didn't make any difference. To his further shock he realized that it wasn't entirely because of Lily that he wanted to find and protect this child.
He swallowed a lump in his throat, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. He didn't want to know the answer to that, though, so instead he focused on what to do next. A big part of him wanted to go extract every last detail of Petunia's spitefulness from her narrow mind and make her and her family pay for everything, but after all the work he had done obliviating half of Little Whinging and modifying the memories of police officers, paramedics and the Dursleys themselves he was frankly exhausted. Whatever energy and mental capacity he had left he would rather use to legilimize and obliviate bus drivers or passengers. Petunia could wait, and in any case Severus wasn't sure it was wise to go anywhere near her again.
Another big part of him wanted to fly to Paris immediately to yell at Dumbledore, but he wasn't sure that would be wise either. Much as he wanted to rant at the Headmaster and make him answer for the cupboard, he thought he should keep to himself at least the part about Harry Potter torturing another human being. In fact, despite knowing that Dumbledore was strongly against obliviating muggle parents or siblings Severus had already erased all recollection of the incident from the Dursleys' minds and he intended to advise the boy against mentioning it if he ever found him. Not that he thought anyone would seriously consider to send a child —and Harry Potter at that— to Azkaban, but the incident would give rise to dark rumours and it might make Dumbledore arrive to the same interpretation of the Prophecy than Severus had.
And who knew what the old wizard would do if he thought he was dealing with another potential dark lord.
Bad enough it would be if the brat ever went to Hogwarts and was sorted into Slytherin.
This chapter was posted on Apr 6, 2022
