Chapter 8
Wanting to make sure that the damned brat didn't elude him once again, Severus —polyjuiced as an ordinary Muggle— stationed himself at King's Cross very early on the morning of the first of September. Initially he simply sat comfortably at a caffè from which he could see platforms Nine and Ten, absently skimming a muggle newspaper in search of any odd crimes that might have been reported lately. He had temporarily sealed the entrance to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters and cast a complex Sticking Charm on the barrier to trap anyone who touched it, but he was still constantly scanning the area, not entirely confident that his enchantments would hold against a boy able to crucio someone without need of a wand.
Around nine he decided it would be too risky to keep the platform blocked, since there were always students who arrived ridiculously early, so he discreetly removed the charms before choosing a new watching spot closer to the barrier, determined to hex the boy if that's what it took to catch him. After a long, frustrating month of fruitless search, he was definitely tired of chasing after the elusive brat and quite eager to drag him by the ear and lock him up in a highly warded dungeon until he came of age.
He shook his head at himself. No, not locking him up, that would be the fastest way of producing another dark lord. And dragging him by the ear didn't sound like a good idea either, considering how the boy had reacted to Vernon Dursley's physical assault.
Severus sighed. Harry Potter was going to be a handful. After the childhood he had had and the month he had spent on the loose stealing and living by his own rules, it was a question whether he would respect any authority figures or respond to any kind of discipline, and contrary to what Minerva and everyone else expected it was most likely going to be Severus who would have to deal with that.
Not that Severus minded. On the contrary. A month ago he would have been certain he had been confunded if he had caught himself having these thoughts, but now... now he was almost desperately hoping the boy would be sorted into Slytherin. He was convinced that's where he belonged, for one, even though he hadn't personally met him yet, but most importantly Severus needed to have him in his House so he could keep a close eye on him without anyone necessarily suspecting he had taken a particular interest on Harry Potter.
A part of him, however, wished the boy would go to some other House —any other House—, since no matter how proud Severus was of being a Slytherin he knew it wasn't an easy House to belong to and he worried about the effect that being sorted there might have over a boy with such background who had already had a taste of Dark Magic before even starting Hogwarts. Not to mention that it would be extremely dangerous for Harry Potter to share a Common Room and dormitory with the children of Death Eaters, many of which had grown up without parents because of him.
And then there was that other part of him that every five minutes remembered it was Potter's son he was worried about. A boy that looked exactly like his father and that despite his background could still be sorted into his parents' House. And what would Severus do then? Would his concern survive meeting the brat face to face and seeing him become another bloody Gryffindor? Would he come to regret having gotten involved? Because he was already involved, for better or for worse, and he had already lied to Dumbledore so it was too late to back out.
Not that he would back out, if he could. Not when he not only had made an orphan of the boy by taking the Prophecy to the Dark Lord, but he also had been the main reason why Lily and her sister had grown apart and why Petunia had come to despise magic, resulting in her treating her nephew so despicably. The Dark Lord, Petunia and Dumbledore might be more directly responsible for the boy's crappy childhood, but Severus couldn't deny his part of the guilt nor shirk the responsibility that came with it.
His conflicted thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of the first Hogwarts student, which turned out to be a girl with bushy brown hair that kept babbling about Hogwarts and magically concealed platforms in a loud enough voice as to blow the International Statute of Secrecy. The plainly muggle appearance of the parents suggested that she was a Muggle-born, and her tiny size plus the fact that Severus couldn't recognize her indicated she was a first year, one headed straight to Ravenclaw judging by the way she recited from memory entire paragraphs of Hogwarts: a History.
Resisting the temptation of shutting her up with a Silencing Charm, and wondering —not for the first time— why the Ministry didn't place Obliviators at King's Cross on days like this, Severus discreetly obliviated a few passing Muggles and watched the girl approach the barrier to verify its consistency before going back to her parents to help them get past the Muggle-repellent charm. No doubt Minerva had explained them all about Platform Nine and Three-Quarters and the wizarding world long before the Know-It-All had bought and swallowed half the books in Flourish & Blotts, and as a consequence this Muggle-born would reach Hogwarts far better informed than Lily's son. She probably had already read about Harry Potter and knew more about him than the boy himself, actually, a thought that left Severus seething and even more eager to intercept the brat before he could get into the platform and be descended upon by hundreds of nosy kids.
After the muggle-born swot and her parents had disappeared through the barrier no one else showed up for about half an hour, when another first year Muggle-born approached carrying an owl in a cage while his obviously muggle father pushed a trolley and argued with his muggle wife about the absurdity of it all. It took them thrice the time it had taken the bushy-haired girl to get into the platform, since the father was being difficult and the boy seemed afraid to walk through an apparently solid wall despite not doubt having been assured by Minerva that it was perfectly safe. They managed eventually, however, and after them came another first year escorted only by his witch mother, and then three Hufflepuff siblings herded by their grandparents. Next were the McLaggens, Jordan carrying a very suspicious-looking box that Severus decided to inspect and possibly confiscate before nightfall, Clearwater with her muggle parents, a new pair of twins, Davies, Spinnet...
Leaning casually against a railing, Severus took another sip of Polyjuice and continued watching over his muggle newspaper, his eyes scanning the area around platforms Nine and Ten for any sign of Lily's son, who might show up at any moment and depart just as quickly if the apparent non-existence of a platform Nine and Three-Quarters made him give up on the whole idea of going to Hogwarts. According to the school records Harry Potter had received and read his letter, but unlike other muggle-raised students he hadn't received a visit from a member of staff who could explain everything about magic and perform the necessary demonstrations —Dumbledore had not been in a rush to send anyone, given that Petunia already knew everything and had even accompanied Lily to Diagon Alley and King's Cross in several occasions—, so the boy didn't know how to access Platform Nine and Three-Quarters and it might not occur to him to approach the barrier. If he was clever, however, he would hang around for a while, watching, until he saw someone else getting into the hidden platform and tried to follow, hopefully choosing a moment when there were no other magical people close by to recognize him and to get in Severus' way.
Things got chaotic around ten thirty, when multiple magical families arrived at the same time and caused quite a scene greeting each other loudly and then arguing about who would go first while children chased cats and toads between the legs of wide-eyed Muggles. A passing guard stopped to inquire what the commotion was all about, and Augusta Longbottom quickly obliviated him before declaring that she would go first with her grandson. No one got in her way, and soon one family after the other was disappearing through the barrier while Amos Diggory and a wizard that strongly resembled the late Edgard Bones hung back to deal with the Muggle crowd that had gathered to watch with interest as if they were witnessing a Monty Python sketch.
That was a very stressful moment for Severus, who was impersonating a Muggle and therefore found himself at risk of having memory charms directed his way. Since blocking such spells would draw too much attention to himself, he opted for surreptitiously confunding Diggory to make him believe he had already obliviated him, and was relieved when at last they had all disappeared into Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. He was also glad that most Slytherin purebloods never walked amongst Muggles if they could help it, choosing to take their children directly into the platform by side-Apparition even if the experience was nauseating for the younger ones, because Lucius would not have been so easily confunded and Severus might have had to choose between an open confrontation or a hasty retreat.
No one watching would have been able to miss the commotion and subsequent disappearance of so many people through a wall, and Severus was certain that no children had been obliviated so if the boy was around no doubt he would come forward now that the coast was clear.
He didn't.
Instead more magical families arrived, fortunately not causing any more jams nor scenes although the Muggle guard had to be obliviated twice more. And still there was no sign of Harry Potter, none whatsoever. Severus was beginning to give a damn about the brat getting into contact with inconvenient people as long as he showed up, trying to hold on to his conviction that the boy was fine, telling himself that there was still time...
By the time the Weasleys arrived, with only ten minutes to spare, Severus' anxiety had reached an unbearable level and he was wishing so hard for the boy to materialize that he wouldn't have been surprized if he had accidentally transfigured a passing Muggle into a copy of Harry Potter.
Eleven o'clock.
Severus stood staring at the barrier, his muggle newspaper forgotten, guilt and hopelessness weighting him down.
The Hogwarts Express had departed, and Lily's son wasn't on it.
Dumbledore seemed disappointed, but not surprized, when Severus returned to Hogwarts without an eleven-year-old in tow. The old man wasn't even too convinced that Harry Potter was still alive, given that all the attempts to magically track him —including dark rituals, owls, house-elves, Fawkes and some of his mysterious silver instruments— had proven ineffectual, and he had been rather pessimistic about the possibility of the brat reemerging at King's Cross.
As far as Dumbledore knew, Harry Potter —if alive— was nothing more than a helpless child who had run away because he was afraid of his own magic and didn't want to accidentally hurt his own family again, and he was of the opinion that even if the boy took his letter seriously —something that many muggle-raised wizards or witches didn't do until a member of staff paid them a visit— he would probably be discouraged from trying to go to Hogwarts by his inability to purchase the necessary supplies.
Knowing what he knew about the boy and the control he already had over his magic, Severus had dismissed the possibility of him not taking the letter seriously and had been convinced that he had hidden it from Petunia precisely because he had had every intention of going to Hogwarts even if he couldn't buy a single spellbook. That's what Severus would have done if he had grown up only with his muggle father, to make sure the bastard couldn't stop him from going. He also, unlike Dumbledore, knew that the brat was quite resourceful, able to move around the country, and anything but helpless.
Which was why he didn't understand why he hadn't showed up at King's Cross today.
Had something happened to him? Severus had last located the brat in Birmingham around ten days after his running off, where he had robbed a house and possibly stunned several inebriated assailants in a park. By the time Severus had found the trace the boy had been long gone, but what he had learned there —together with what he had seen in Petunia's mind— had reassured him about his ability to defend himself. Had he overestimated that ability? Severus had an imperiused Muggle in the Department of Health sending him daily reports of all the male children declared dead every day in Britain, Ireland, France, Belgium and the Netherlands, and there hadn't been any in the last month that fit the description, but what if Lily's son was lying in a ditch somewhere?
"We should get the Ministry and the Muggle government involved in the search," he said in defeat, not liking the idea at all but not seeing any other way at this point. If the boy saw his name and picture in the news under the label 'wanted' chances were he would get even more defensive and might try to flee the country, not to mention that if it became public knowledge that he was lost and unprotected in the Muggle world the wrong kind of people might try to find him too. The best way to go about this would be to send a public message to the brat, let him know that he was not in trouble and give him a telephone number or address to contact them safely. This whole mess certainly could have been avoided if only the Hogwarts letters included a method for muggle-raised students to contact the school (not all Muggles would think to send a letter addressed simply to 'Hogwarts', like Petunia had done once).
"Perhaps," said Dumbledore thoughtfully, in that tone of his that he used when he didn't really intend to take into consideration anyone's advice but his own. "I don't think this is a good time to announce to the world that Harry Potter is lost, however."
"It will never be a good time," said Severus, "but the boy must be found, and I have run out of ideas of how to accomplish that without making it public."
"Time might be the answer," said the old man. "If the boy is alive he might have found a safe place to take refuge, perhaps in time he will feel safe enough there as to stop subconsciously blocking all our attempts to track him. In the meantime, I will instruct Minerva to skip his name during the Sorting Ceremony and to act as if Harry Potter were not expected at all. We will spread the rumour that the boy will be homeschooled to protect him from the excessive attention that his fame would undoubtedly bring him."
Severus bit his tongue to keep himself from snapping at the Headmaster. Dumbledore was more concerned about his own public image —he would be harshly criticized for losing Harry Potter— than about the boy's safety, just as ten years ago he had been more concerned about keeping him away from inconvenient influences than about his well being...
Or had he?
Severus couldn't be sure of how much Dumbledore had known about the treatment Lily's son received under Petunia's roof, whether he had just been ignorant or deliberately neglectful, just as he couldn't be sure whether he was now being naive or uncaring in regard to the boy's current situation. Probably the old man would be more eager to find Harry Potter if he knew that he was a potential dark lord running wild in the Muggle world, just as he might have changed his mind years ago about leaving him with Petunia if he had known exactly what was going on inside that house.
To his frustration, however, Severus had decided to play dumb for the time being. To not confront Dumbledore yet about the boy's childhood nor share with him what he knew about his recent activities. So he couldn't tell him why Harry Potter had to be found and provided guidance urgently. One month on the loose had already been too much, they couldn't just sit back and hope for the best as Dumbledore was in the habit of doing.
He ran his hands through his greasy hair, worry and anger fighting for dominance inside him. He had been so sure that the boy would show up today! And he could hardly bear the stress that caused him to lie to Dumbledore and to be so angry with him all the time, as if they were mortal enemies and Severus were a spy once again.
Had he done the right thing keeping all about the boy's potential darkness from the Headmaster? Severus had done it to protect Lily's son, but what if he was actually protecting his dark tendencies? Perhaps what the boy needed was Dumbledore's guidance, not Severus'. To be sorted into Gryffindor rather than Slytherin.
He shook his head at himself. What was the point of turning around all these thoughts when the brat was still missing and there was no indication that he would be found anytime soon?
I will find him Lily, he vowed with determination. And I will protect him, in light or darkness.
This chapter was posted on Apr 24, 2022
