Chapter Seventy-Seven
Angelo was in Charlie's office with a coffee before she even had time to protest.
"Charlie..." he began.
"Look, Angelo, I don't..."
"No, listen to me!" he said urgently. "Please?"
He set the hot drink in front of her and she sighed impatiently.
"What?" she said.
"I completely messed up. I knew there was something wrong and I was worried about you."
Charlie opened her mouth to interject but he continued quickly.
"I know it's not my place but I was so desperate to be there for you that I completely overstepped the boundaries. Charlie, I know I'm not the person that's meant to be there for you. I know that's Joey's job. But the thing is... when I was put away for Jack's death, my life stopped. All I could think about was the mess I was in and how if I could start my life over, I'd do everything I could to be with you again. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and a stupid mistake made me lose everything. So, when I got back here and realised that you'd completely moved on, it made everything harder."
"Angelo..."
"Please listen?" he begged. "It's been really hard to adjust to your new life and my... my lack of life. And I went behind your back and I hurt you and I opened my big mouth to Ruby and I should never have done any of those things. It's no excuse but I did it because I'm so damn crazy in love with you."
"Look, I can't..." Charlie tried.
"I messed up and I'm so sorry. Charlie, I just want to be friends again."
"How can I be friends with you when you went behind my back and then declared that you're in love with me?" Charlie asked incredulously.
"I know you love Joey," he told her. "I've never seen you look at anyone the way you look at her... not me, not Roman... I'm not going to try and get in the way of that, I swear. It'd be pointless anyway. I know you and Joey are for keeps. I know that I will be in love with you for the rest of my life but I accept you don't love me back and I can deal. I swear. But please let me be your friend again, Charlie. I miss you. I need you in my life."
Charlie sighed.
"Did you bail Aden out yesterday?" she asked.
He was surprised by the change of topic and looked shifty.
"Um..."
He didn't know what the right answer was.
"I might have tipped him off before I arrested Gibsy and his crew," he told her, deciding that honesty was the best policy.
She smiled.
"Joey and I are grateful," she said. "You saved a heartbroken man a lot of trauma."
She took a breath.
"We can be friends," she agreed finally. "There's too much going on in my life right now to be pissed at you and have you hanging around me like a wounded puppy."
He looked a little affronted.
"But," she said firmly. "You have to know that I will never love you."
"I know," he said softly.
"I hope so. Because if this is some ploy to try and get close to me and win me back then that'll be it, Angelo. I'm in love with Joey. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And if you try to interfere in our relationship, you will lose the single friend you have in this town. Do you understand me?"
"I do."
"Okay," she said.
They shook hands.
"Let's be friends," she told him. "And let's get back to work."
***
With Charlie at work on a weekend, Joey was at a loose end. Leaving the house as soon as Charlie did, she headed round to Aden's. Nicole answered the door, tiredly explaining that their friend had spent most of the night throwing up and crying. Shaking her head, Joey followed Nicole into the kitchen and sat down at the blonde girl put the kettle on.
"He's going to be in a wonderful mood today then," Joey concluded.
"I don't understand what's with him at the moment," said Nicole. "I mean, I know he's grieving but it's like he's had a personality transplant. He's like... he's like the Aden he was when I first knew him. Before Belle."
Joey sighed. She wasn't familiar with that particular person but he had shared the stories and she couldn't help but worry about him.
"How are things with you anyway?" Nicole asked, sitting down opposite her friend.
"Yeah, they're okay," Joey said with a shrug.
Nicole simply raised her eyebrows.
"Charlie's not dealing, is she?"
"She is. Just not very well," Joey said. "It's hard. She's thrown herself into work and I barely see her at the moment. It's like the only way she can handle things is by shutting me out. I miss her."
Nicole smiled sympathetically.
"As soon as Ruby comes back to sort things out, everything will be alright," she said certainly.
"If she ever does," Joey sighed.
"You don't really think she's gone forever do you? Her and Geoff?"
"I have no idea. There's no communication. Nothing. Charlie's falling apart and Ruby's too hooked on her own pain to realise what's happening to her mother."
***
Ruby waited at Michelle's front door, feeling nervous. Today was the day she might well find answers and she wasn't sure she how she even felt about it. Would she hear something she wanted to or would this visit only make things worse? Geoff's presence beside her was the only thing she found comforting as Michelle pulled open the door.
"Ruby!" the older woman exclaimed, genuinely surprised to see her.
"Hi," Ruby said, feeling suddenly sheepish.
"Nobody told me you were in the city," Michelle said, ushering her and her friend inside. "What brings you here?"
"I know the truth about Charlie," Ruby said bluntly. "And I need answers."
***
"You look like shit!" Nicole remarked when a bleary-eyed Aden entered the kitchen.
He glared at her, thanking her sarcastically as Joey smirked.
"Is there any coffee on?" he asked gruffly.
"We'll trade you coffee for an explanation of your drunken behaviour," Nicole said.
"My wife died," he snapped. "I think I'm entitled to behave however the hell I like."
Joey sighed and remained quiet. Nicole stood up and put the kettle on again. Aden slumped down in a chair.
"Aden, seriously, what's going on with you?" Joey asked quietly.
"I just told you!"
"I know you're grieving," Joey said seriously. "I can't even begin to imagine the pain you're feeling but you're not going to find the answer in the bottom of a bottle. It's not going to help in the long run."
"I don't need you looking after me," he said.
"Well tough," Joey replied. "You're going through an absolutely awful time right now and I'm damn well going to be there for you to help you through it. That's what you did for me."
"That was different. That was something you could actually do something about by pressing charges and getting justice."
"And this is something you'll never truly heal from but you can do it to a degree. And you're going to."
They glared at each other across the table, neither one willing to back down.
***
Ruby and Geoff sat side by side on the sofa, opposite Michelle.
"So, you were in on the big secret," Ruby accused. "All this time I thought you were my kind, loving aunt and you were betraying me with Charlie and Ross all along."
"We weren't betraying you," Michelle replied, unfazed.
"You've all lied to me for my entire life!" Ruby exclaimed.
"Not because we wanted to. It was the right thing to do."
"Lying is never the right thing to do."
"So you'd have preferred to know that you were the result of the cruellest kind of violence?" Michelle asked.
Her voice was calm and gentle but subtly challenging. Ruby swallowed.
"Would you have been able to deal with that when you were a kid, Ruby?" she asked.
"Well..."
"There were two kids involved in this, Ruby," Michelle said. "You and Charlie. You were only a baby. You didn't know any different. Charlie was barely a teenager. Her body and her soul were torn apart – figuratively and physically. Ruby, I have never seen a person so broken in all my life. We had a duty of care to you, of course we did and we did what we felt was in your best interests. But we also had to look after Charlie. We had to support her through the worst ordeal of her life. We had to bring her through it. Honestly, I didn't know if she would even survive what she'd been through."
"She was suicidal?" Ruby asked.
Michelle nodded and chewed her lip.
"She never tried anything but I used to hear her crying herself to sleep, repeating over and over again that she wished she was dead. She didn't know I could hear her."
"She must have really hated me," Ruby concluded.
Michelle shook her head firmly. Geoff watched the interaction in silence.
"She didn't talk to me about any of it for three whole months. She stayed silent except to say good morning, goodnight, please and thank you," Michelle said. "But when she did eventually begin to open up to me, the first thing she said was that she loved her baby but she hated herself."
"I don't understand how she could even look at me with what I represented," Ruby insisted.
"She loved you. She always has. She just wasn't capable of looking after you. She wasn't capable of looking after herself. She missed a year of school, a year of life, a year of you. But once she'd healed, she was so ready to come back and be your Mum."
"Then why didn't she?"
"Because you were already calling her parents Mum and Dad," Michelle explained. "To swoop in and be your Mum then would have confused you and she wanted to do the right thing. She saw what a good job her parents were doing, saw how much you adored them and she didn't think she'd be up to scratch. She had no self-confidence, no self esteem. She wanted to be there for you but she was terrified of letting you down."
Ruby swallowed and looked down at her hands.
"Who's my father? Do you know?"
"I'm not the right person to talk to about that," Michelle told her. "I can answer questions about Charlie and let you know what she was like when she lived with me but I can't do more than that, I'm afraid."
Ruby nodded, although the question of her paternity had been buzzing around her brain for days.
"So, tell me what she was like," Ruby challenged.
***
Having washed, dressed and shaved, Aden looked a little more like a human being although he still had bags under his eyes. Joey had gone to lunch with Charlie, looking delighted that her girlfriend wanted to spend time with her but Nicole had remained to keep a watchful eye on him. He wasn't sure if he was grateful or resentful.
***
"So, you're going to forgive him?" Joey asked a little worriedly.
Charlie had shared her entire conversation with Angelo with her. Joey was glad that Angelo had helped Aden out but she was unnerved that he had declared his love for Charlie again. However, she was grateful that Charlie had been completely honest and the two of them were working from the same page. Still, she couldn't quite help worrying, especially as Charlie was spending more time with him at work than she was with her at home.
"It'll just make life easier," Charlie sighed. "I can't cope with him hanging around me all miserable. If we make friends then we can just forget the whole thing."
"You don't think...?"
Joey trailed off.
"What?"
"Nothing," Joey lied.
Charlie reached for her hand across the table.
"Will he make a move on you?"
"Didn't you hear what I said in response to his feelings?" Charlie asked, a little irritated at the doubt in her girlfriend's voice.
"Yeah, I did but..."
"But what? I'm never going to let him get close enough to make a move on me," Charlie said firmly, withdrawing her hand.
"I wish you'd just trust me," she said. "I'm not going to cheat on you and I've never given you reason to doubt me."
"I know!" Joey said. "I'm not doubting you. I'm doubting him."
"It takes two to tango and the only person I ever want to tango with is you."
It was strange to hear affectionate words being delivered so harshly but Charlie was firmly in a bad mood. Joey sighed.
"I didn't accuse you of anything," she said.
"You think I'm going to fuck this up," Charlie accused, her voice sounding suddenly very tired.
"I don't..."
"You do!" Charlie said. "You think I'm going to fuck this up like I fuck everything up! You think I'm a waste of space!"
She promptly burst into tears and fled. Joey stared after her before dumping some cash on the table and following her.
***
Aden opened his first beer of the day. Irene had come over and interrupted his television time by telling him that Gibsy had run an illegal abalone trip, the trawler had been impounded and he had at least temporarily lost his job. Nicole had protested over his drinking again but he had ignored her.
***
"Charlie!" Joey yelled, racing towards her girlfriend's car in a desperate bid to catch up with her.
The police officer stopped at the car door and bent her head, knowing that she had completely overreacted. She hurriedly wiped her eyes.
"I know you'd never cheat on me," Joey said, stepping up close behind her. "I just can't help but feel insecure knowing that some guy is after my girlfriend. It'd make anyone jealous, knowing that he worships you, loves you, fantasises about you, would love nothing more than to steal you away from me. Wouldn't you feel the same?"
Charlie nodded but didn't speak.
"But I love you. And while I don't understand exactly why, I know you love me. And I know you'd never betray me. I expressed concern because I always want to be honest with you about my feelings. And I'm grateful that you were honest about the whole thing with me. Please, please don't get angry with me. Please don't shut me out."
Charlie nodded again and was grateful when she felt Joey's arms encircle her from behind. Joey rested her cheek against Charlie's shoulder blade. Charlie felt behind her, placing her hands on Joey's hips.
"I love you," she said.
"I love you too," Joey confirmed.
They moved to face each other and hugged tightly before moving in for a kiss.
"I don't what's wrong with me at the moment," Charlie said, embarrassed by her still-flowing tears.
"You have every right to be sad and worried and fraught," Joey told her. "But please don't take it out on me?"
"I won't. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too," said Joey. "I probably mishandled the whole thing."
They kissed gently before Charlie's radio sparked to life, interrupting them and calling her back to work.
***
Ruby's mind was reeling as she looked through a photograph album. Every picture of Charlie had been destroyed. Michelle had explained that teenage Charlie had sabotaged her own image in a variation of ways. But the photos that her parents had sent of Ruby remained entirely intact. Ruby swallowed. Michelle slipped off to phone Ross. Geoff came to sit beside his friend.
"I guess you know for sure now that it was herself she hated and not you," he said.
***
"Dad, I can't talk right now," Charlie said dismissively, answering her mobile in the police reception area.
"I know," Ross said tiredly. "I know you have no desire to talk to me at all."
He sounded sad.
"Dad, that's not... I'm just busy," Charlie lied.
"Well, I figured you wouldn't be too busy to hear that Ruby's shown up at Michelle's house."
"What?" Charlie screeched.
Watson nearly fell off her chair in fright. She cleared her throat, embarrassed and kept her head down, focussing on her work.
"Why is she there?" Charlie demanded.
"I guess she wanted to find out what you were like during that year."
"But..."
"Michelle will know the right things to say," Ross assured her. "She knows what you went through better than anyone. This is a good thing, Charlie. She'll help Ruby come home."
