The next day …
Mr. Bennet greeted the arrival of the art master at Longbourn with approval. Art was much superior to music. The skittering of crayon, or the swishing of brush, across paper – if practiced in a room at least two removed from his bookroom – could not possibly affect him the way that racket purporting to be music did. Expenses for paper might get out of hand; he wondered if the novice artists might use his discarded newspapers to practice on. And he supposed it was inevitable that some particularly praiseworthy artwork would have to be framed at great expense to himself.
Mr. Bennet's approval of art lasted until he met the art master.
M. La Framboise was a French émigré, who had fled France during the Reign of Terror. He claimed a connection to a cadet branch of the de Berry dukedom although how exactly he did not make clear. A roué of the more flamboyant sort, he tried to disguise the ravages of age, likely vice, and possibly pox of one sort or another, by the injudicious application of powder, rouge and two mouches. He had a limp, his leg slashed by a sans-culotte back in '92 he said, and walked with the aid of a cane (which gave the definite impression it concealed a sword).
A decade or two prior M. La Framboise, with his Gallic charm, certainly would have been a danger to the virtue of the young ladies, and possibly the young men, of Longbourn. Mr. Bennet thought M. La Framboise might still aspire to entry to the garden of carnal delights even if his decrepitude would deny him so he vowed to keep an eye on him – there would be no liaisons dangereuses at Longbourn (and there were not, thanks to the vigilance of Mrs. Longden).
There were however flirtations, or to be accurate, one continuing flirtation. M. La Framboise plied Mrs. Bennet with such a multitude of compliments regarding her beauty, her engendering such beautiful daughters, etc. – his facility in the complimentary art far surpassed that of Mr. Collins – and she received them with such a coquettish batting of her eyelashes that Mr. Bennet thought she might take off and fly about the room. One might think that this behaviour would provide Mr. Bennet with amusement but to his chagrin, it gave rise to a jealousy, that surprised him, not only by its intensity, but by its very existence. The sooner this Frenchman was gone from Longbourn the better. He blamed Mrs. Longden for introducing this snake into his Eden.
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M. La Framboise tested the five young ladies for any sign of artistic aptitude. The tests included a still life, a portrait, and a landscape, and the use of charcoal, crayons, and water colours. He was pleasantly surprised by Miss Kitty, discovering a talent to nurture did much to relieve the drudgery of teaching the untalented. Miss Gardenier had potential but she was yet a child. As for the rest, they had best stick to les bonhommes allumettes (he would have dearly like to have painted Miss Bennet déshabillée but the survival instinct that had got him out of France in '92 stopped him from even hinting at such a desire – if he had, Mrs. Longden would have surely beaten him to death with her yardstick).
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All was not music and art.
One afternoon found Mrs. Longden, her three formal charges, and her two informal charges, in the sitting room practising tea. They were not taking tea. Mrs. Bennet had complained long and hard about the wasting of her tea, and her biscuits, and the possible breakage of her china, so their tea was tepid water steeped with a few peppermint leaves, their pretend biscuits were wood chips, and their china was the nursery set.
This was not their first practice tea so Mrs. Longden only had to make a few minor adjustments to the tableau the young ladies presented: sit on the edge of the seat, chin parallel to the floor, feet and knees together, napkins properly placed - tapping such of those offending body parts with her yardstick as needed to be adjusted to achieve satisfactory compliance.
Once she was satisfied Mrs. Longden began "Occasionally, more often than you might like, you will have to take tea with dangerous people."
There were varying reactions to her statement. Miss Gardiner's mouth fell open, the eyebrows of Misses Kitty and Lydia rose up their foreheads, Miss Mary scowled, and Miss Bennet smiled (only she of the five having twigged onto Mrs. Longden's techniques.)
Mrs. Longden continued. "I speak not of people who would do you physical harm. If at all possible, you should avoid taking tea with those types of people. No, I am speaking of taking tea with people who could do harm to your reputation. Now what would happen if you did?"
A generally chaotic debate ensued and Mrs. Longden did nothing to rein it in. She was curious as to what truths would be churned to the surface. Miss Lydia tried to dominate but Miss Mary did not let her, giving as good as she got. At first, Miss Kitty tended to agree with her younger sister but when Mrs. Longden told her to speak her own mind, she made some good points. Miss Bennet said little but when she did, what she said was on point. Miss Gardiner was enthralled by the free for all but much too timid to interrupt – Mrs. Longden kept one of her many eyes on Miss Gardiner and when it looked like she wanted to say something Mrs. Longden held up her hand, the others quit speaking (although the first time it took a tap of the yardstick on Miss Lydia's shoulder to silence her) so Miss Gardiner could make her point.
Some of the points which were made included: never be rude - don't use bad language – insults reflect badly on you – if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all (they all pointed at Miss Bennet and she smirked at them) - don't whisper (fingers were pointed at Misses Lydia and Kitty) - don't gossip (Misses Lydia and Kitty sang in unison 'Ma-ma, Aun-tie, La-dy, Luc-as') – don't preach (fingers were pointed at Miss Mary who frowned) - don't mock others' mistakes (Misses Lydia and Kitty sang in unison 'Pa–pa, Pa-pa, Liz-zy;' Miss Bennet said that was unfair to Lizzy which sent the debate off on a tangent that Mrs. Longden had to head off) - don't tickle (Miss Mary pointed at Miss Gardiner to the puzzlement of the others) – always smile (Miss Gardiner pointed back at Miss Mary, thereby increasing the general bewilderment) - there's a difference between being witty and being rude (someone murmured 'tell Lizzy that').
More than once the name of Miss Bingley came up as an example of a dangerous person which quite intrigued Mrs. Longden. She would have to follow up on that.
Mrs. Longden clapped her hands to stop the debate. "You have all made excellent points and I would hope that you will remember them going forward. Before you are dismissed to go on to your next tasks (here Misses Lydia and Kitty frowned, being academically deficient, they had much to study up in the nursery) I would like to emphasize two points.
First, when you are playing whist against your friends, do you show them what cards you are holding?"
When Miss Gardiner blurted out 'no' Mrs. Gardiner asked "And why not?"
"Because they will use that information to beat you," answered Miss Gardiner.
"Exactly, so be careful about giving anyone, including your friends, any of your personal information – they may use it against you.
And lastly, if you are at a tea which turns into a brawl – with words, not fists, although I have been at more than one where slaps were exchanged – do not slash with your words (here she swung her yardstick over Miss Lydia's head making her duck), instead pierce with them like a rapier (she jabbed her yardstick at Miss Kitty making her jump back).
Now proceed on to your next activity."
The young ladies stood and were about to depart the sitting room when Miss Kitty said "Mrs. Longden, what if you're in a tea like you said and someone says something really nasty to you and you don't want to get into a brawl with her, what do you say back to her?"
Mrs. Longden smiled at them, a smarmy smile and said, "Smile like this at them, say 'That's nice,' and leave the room with your head held high."
