Chapter 4
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"Who do you think I could trust not to tell anyone?" Susan said despondently. "If they blab then everyone will know I'm not a virgin. Then no one will want to seriously date me or marry me."
"At least you have some hope of it being kept quiet. I can't even take a girl to Hogsmeade without it making the front page of the Prophet, can you imagine what would happen if I was known to have sex with someone," Harry said disgustedly. "And most of the muggleborns wouldn't care if you weren't a virgin. They wouldn't expect you to wait for marriage."
"Hence why muggleborns don't fit into our culture," Tracy said disdainfully.
"Us muggle raised don't fit into your culture because nobody tells us anything about it," Harry retorted. "You just expect us to know all these unspoken rules and look down on us forever if we break one without ever hearing why because even your friends won't warn you about the differences in the two cultures. I don't think that crazy law about a pure blood being able to force them into marriage is all that widely known, I'd never heard it before today and I'm sure if Dean or Seamus knew they'd have talked about it."
Neville nodded, "Dean wouldn't have told us he'd had sex with Ginny if he knew the possible consequences. I should have realised and warned him," he said ashamed of being a bad friend to his dorm mate.
"He didn't tell me," Harry replied.
"You're usually with Ron, Dean wouldn't want to ask you to keep a secret like that from your best mate, not to mention the entire dorm knows Ginny used to have a crush on you so he feels awkward telling you stuff about her and their relationship," Neville replied. "He was really telling Seamus, I was just there to hear the conversation."
"She had a crush on 'The-Boy-Who-Lived', not me," Harry corrected.
"Is that why you don't date?" Susan asked focusing on the other part of his comment. "Because of the hassle with the Prophet?"
"That and anyone I dated would become a target for Voldemort and his Death Eaters, and every other crackpot who thinks they have a right to have a say in my life. Hermione spent a week hardly able to use her hands because she got sent undiluted bubotuber puss in fourth year after Skeeter wrote that she broke my heart and cheated on me with Victor Krum. We weren't dating and it wasn't even a Death Eater or someone I knew, just some random fan who believed the rubbish in 'The Daily Prophet' and probably thought they were doing me a favour," Harry replied. "Not to mention it's hard to trust someone enough to build a decent relationship with all the 'boy-who-lived' crap. Too many people want the fame and those who don't have read those bloody kids' books and think they already know everything about me. Next to no-one is actually interested in getting to know me."
Neville clapped his shoulder supportingly and Susan and Tracy both looked sad realizing how difficult it was for the boy they'd thought could have anyone he wanted.
"Could you spell someone to secrecy, make them make a vow or something, or obliviate them afterwards?" Harry asked Susan.
"Obliviating people is illegal unless you are an auror or a trained obliviator, it's too easy to under or overpower the spell or twist it slightly and do permanent damage," Tracy replied.
"A vow is possible but if I asked somebody and they refused, they'd still know I was looking for someone to break the block and be able to see when my magic got stronger and spread rumours about me," Susan said.
"The nosy parkers will be doing that anyway. Looking to see who's been missing since the testing this afternoon and watching to see whose magic seems to get stronger. It wouldn't surprise me if someone doesn't start a betting pool about it," Harry said pessimistically.
"Well that's one betting pool I bet you won't be a target of Harry, your magic is too strong for people to suspect you have a block on it," Neville said trying to cheer him up.
"No they'll be betting on what weird and dangerous gift the testing revealed, and whether I'll be asked to leave school," Harry snorted
"We'll the best way to keep a secret is not to tell anyone so your best options for keeping it quiet would be Harry or Neville since they already know you have a block on your magic and what you will need to do to break it. They have to break their own blocks too and I doubt they want anyone to know either" Tracy suggested to Susan.
Susan turned to Harry. "What do you think Potter? I'm willing if you are" she said, red faced with embarrassment at being so bold. "I am a pureblood but I promise I won't force you into a betrothal and I won't tell anyone, not even my aunt, I'm not dating anyone, and I don't think that I'm betrothed. I won't know for sure until I come of age and can fully access the family vault. Once I come of age in December I'll be the Head of House Bones and there isn't one now so you won't need to worry about what my family will do if they find out."
Harry nodded nervously. "It sounds like a sensible idea," he agreed, relieved he wouldn't have to go through the embarrassment of explaining the situation to someone else and asking for their help. "Shall we just get it over with, or would you like to know more about me or something first? We have two weeks before Dumbledore interferes and makes the choice for me but I'd like to get it done within the week before he starts making plans."
"Then we should do it as soon as possible, but not today we've already been missing too long. What about after classes on Friday?" Susan said looking scared at the idea. "Do you know what to do?"
"I think that I'd rather get it over and done with, people are going to be watching me on Friday too, it may be difficult for you to get away unseen if someone starts speculating that you have a magical block because you've been missing so long today," Harry said.
"Yes okay, let's do it now before I lose my nerve," Susan agreed. "You didn't say whether you knew what to do? should I ask Madam Pomfrey for help?"
"I have a vague idea, obviously I've never tried it and I missed the sex education classes at my primary school," Harry said.
"They teach that sort of thing at school?" Susan asked horrified.
"Well not the details, from what I heard its more an explanation of the changes your body will go through in puberty and how babies are made, and the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases and how to prevent catching one," Harry explained.
"Muggles have sexual diseases?" Susan asked horrified.
"Not most muggles, in fact I think it's very few people who have one but there are a couple of diseases that can only be passed by contact with bodily fluids, theoretically sharing blood or having someone piss, shit or spit on an open wound would spread the disease as well but sex is the most common way. Most of them are treatable but there's one that's a death sentence among the gay community and drug users who share dirty needles. Muggles don't place any value on virginity. In fact, to remain a virgin after reaching eighteen is often considered something to be slightly ashamed of, for a bloke at least," Harry said remembering Dudley and his friends using the word virgin as an insult over the summer and vehemently denying the accusation.
"No wonder muggleborn boys are considered vulgar and pushy, and the girls are considered sluts," Susan said.
"You would think that the differences in morals and attitudes are something someone should sit down and tell the muggle raised about. The majority of muggleborns would be happy to adopt the morals of the wizarding world if they knew about them, particularly if they were taught from the age of eleven before they truly had too much exposure to that sort of thing in the muggle world," Harry said. "It's like the professors actually want us to not fit in."
"Well it's been nice meeting you properly Potter, I'll see the three of you around. You may be assured that I will keep the revelations of our conversation confidential," Tracy said preparing to leave.
"Good luck with your bond breaking," Neville replied. "I'll keep your secrets too."
"So will I, it was nice to get to know you Tracy. I'll understand if you want to keep pretending not to know me in front of Malfoy and Parkinson though," Harry replied.
"Thanks Harry, they could make my life unpleasant if they thought I'd been befriending you," Tracy said.
"Doesn't just their presence make your life unpleasant?" Harry asked snidely.
"Every day, but I meant more unpleasant, they may be a bit of a joke to you but they could make my life seriously uncomfortable in Slytherin," Tracy agreed.
"I'm sorry Tracy, I understand the effect being on the outs with a roommate can have, thanks for your help today, like I said feel free to ignore me, and if I can help you without causing more trouble than it's worth let me know," Harry said holding out his hand.
"You shouldn't offer to shake hands with witches Potter, but since we're doing things the muggle way today…" Tracy said smirking and taking his hand and shaking it.
-o0o-
Susan followed him out of the room.
"Harry, where are we going, I don't want to lose my virginity in a broom closet," Susan whispered.
"I have a better idea than a broom closet," Harry said leading her towards the room of requirement and planning to let her picture what she wanted the room to look like since he had no idea of how a girl would consider an acceptable place for their first time having sex.
"Do you know how to have sex? Aunt Amelia told me that it was something I didn't need to know until I was married," Susan whispered nervously.
"I know how to find out," Harry said grabbing her hand and walking towards the seventh floor.
"Please tell me you're not going to ask Hermione or one of your roommates?" Susan asked horrified as she realised they were walking in the direction of the Gryffindor dorms.
Harry stopped and looked at her blushing. "No, I really don't think that asking Hermione would be a very good idea even if she did know, besides I promised that I wouldn't tell anyone about you and this," he said.
"You think she'd tell someone?" Susan asked surprised.
"She'd keep my secret if I asked but I saw her face when Ron told her about the boost in magic she'd get helping someone and she's going to be disappointed that I wouldn't do that for her. I was going to ask the room of requirement for a book to learn from. It helped me out so much when I was trying to work out how to teach the DA."
Susan smiled. "You're a genius I never would have thought of that," she said.
Harry blushed at the compliment. "I've used the room to help organise lessons for the DA when Hermione was busy. The castle was surprisingly opinionated about what it thought I should teach you guys," he explained.
Susan giggled at the thought of the castle telling Harry what he should teach them.
They arrived at the painting of the dancing trolls and Harry paced up and down thinking. 'I need a place to learn about sex and breaking parental magical blocks, in peace and privacy.'
The door appeared and Harry hesitantly opened it relieved to find a comfortable study instead of lace and girly frills. He looked back at Susan and smiled holding the door open for her.
Susan looked worried when the door disappeared as he shut it. "Did you ask the room to keep me here?" She asked anxiously.
"No" Harry quickly denied. "I asked for a place we could learn in private and couldn't be found. I didn't want Hermione and Ron to come looking for me. This would be one of the places they would look. They have a way of finding me, you see and it's important they don't if you want it kept quiet. Ron isn't very discreet about secrets when he loses his temper. I'm sure if you asked the room to let you leave the door would reappear."
"Oh okay, good idea" Susan said nervously. She came further into the room and sat down nervously looking at the pile of books on the end tables.
Harry was surprised she didn't try out wishing for the door. "You're safe with me Susan. I promise that I wouldn't do anything you don't want me to. You can change your mind about doing this with me at any time. I won't take offence. Let's learn about what we need to do, then if you want to choose someone else at least you'll know what you're choosing to do with them," Harry said.
Susan sighed "I know we need to do this and you're the best choice. There's a war coming and having access to all of our magic might save our lives. I'm sorry I don't mean to make it sound like I'd rather it be someone else. I wouldn't… I just… I'm not ready for this… I always thought I'd wait until my wedding night and I hoped it would be with someone I was in love with and … well…. It's just incredibly awkward sitting here with you planning to have sex when we're barely friends and not in a relationship."
"I know, I haven't really thought about doing it yet either, it's hard when you can't even ask a girl out or let her know you might be interested in a date without putting a target on their back. But I don't have time to start a relationship and let things progress naturally, I need to do this before he attacks again, and you're one of the only girls I know who wouldn't be sitting there solely to be able to tell everyone that they took 'the-boy-who-lived's' virginity tomorrow morning and have part of the-boy-who-lived's magic," Harry said bitterly.
"What about your friends?" Susan asked.
"Hermione and Ron are interested in each other, and as you know Dumbledore warned me off from her anyway and just because his motives might be suspect doesn't mean his reason was. He said her magic wasn't strong enough to cope with the boost breaking my block would give her and the subservient thing would become a real problem, and McGonagall seemed to agree with him even if she didn't say it outright. I know that Tracy was right he might be lying about that and have had another reason for telling me that even if I can't think of how he'd think he would benefit from me not choosing Hermione, other than the fact that he then suggested Ginny who is probably the girl I'm next close to even though he must have known it's illegal. The only other girls I'm good friends with are the Gryffindor chasers but Alicia is betrothed and Katie's dating Fred and Angelina's not at school anymore so I don't know how I could set up a meeting with her, and her replacement is Ginny Weasley. Even if Ginny was old enough, she's been dreaming about being Mrs Boy-Who-Lived since she was five. She may not be conniving enough to use the pureblood law to force me into marriage against my will but she'd consider asking her to help me with this as a proposal, not to mention her brothers would kill me unless I married her," Harry replied. "My next choice would've been Luna and I couldn't do that to Neville. He's actually serious about wanting to marry her, which I think is a bit odd since he was dating someone else."
"You don't want to marry Ginny? You get along well with her family and she's pretty and interested in the things you're interested in," Susan asked.
"I don't want to think about marrying anyone at the moment, but other than quidditch and Ron I'm not sure what Ginny and I have in common and you're right about her family on the surface. Mrs Weasley says she considers me one of her children but I think she and Ginny and most of her brothers have quite a nasty temper and I don't like the yelling and fighting. Ron certainly does and he can be cruel when he's angry about something. Whenever I've dreamed of being grown up and married, I've pictured a peaceful homelife and I wouldn't get that married to Ginny," Harry said hesitantly. It was hard for him to talk about what sort of home he'd dreamed of having when he'd never really had a home before.
Harry looked over the books and laughed picking up a bright yellow and black book 'Sex for Dummies' figuring it was a good place to start and shouldn't have too many photo's that would lead to an embarrassing reaction.
"What on earth is that?" Susan asked. "I'm not a 'dummie', and I don't think you are either."
"It's a muggle range of books they bring out books about all sorts of things. Fixing cars, using a computer, house maintenance. They're really good because unlike other books they always start right from the beginning of the subject and use simple language to explain things and don't assume you already know a heap of stuff. I wish somebody would write one for potions but I'm surprised to find this one here at Hogwarts."
Susan looked at the book dubiously.
"Maybe you could come and sit beside me and we can look at it together" Harry said hesitantly.
"Oh Umm" Susan stuttered.
"I just thought that if we're going to do this then.. umm maybe .. we need to be able to at least sit next to each other and talk about it and the book might make it easier" Harry mumbled.
Susan sighed "You're right" she agreed taking the seat. The room extended the length of the lounge and Susan sat at one end careful not to touch him at all.
Harry sighed knowing it had to have been Susan who wanted that change made, this was going to be really difficult if she wasn't willing to even casually touch him.
"That's very different from the book that Madame Pomfrey gave me" Susan said hesitantly when they got to description of erogenous zones.
"Madam Pomfrey didn't give me a book. Can I have a look at what she gave you?" Harry asked frowning. "Maybe there is something special we have to do to break these bonds."
Susan pulled the book out of her book bag and thrust it at Harry who scanned through it quickly. "I wish magical books had a table of contents" he muttered to himself. It was a common complaint, one Hermione secretly agreed with but tended to tell him off for saying out loud and Ron tended to ignore because he thought anything about books had to be boring.
"What's a table of contents?" Susan asked happy to be distracted into talking about anything but sex.
"A page at the front of a book that tells you what each chapter's about and what pages to find it on" Harry said grabbing the 'Sex for Dummies' book and flipping to the table of contents to show her.
Blushing at the names of the chapters she read through the table and flipped through the book to check each section. "That would be useful." she agreed. "Do all muggle books have one?"
"Not all fiction books do, but most non-fiction books have a table of contents and an index at the back for reference," Harry replied taking the book and flipping it to the back to show her that too. Susan got over her hesitance to read about sex in the wonder of being able to use the index to look up exactly what page the information she was asking for was on.
In the meantime, Harry had been reading through the book Madam Pomfrey had given Susan. "I wonder why Madam Pomfrey didn't give me a book too, she knew I was a virgin and she can't have known we'd choose to do this together or that you'd show me your book," he said.
"She said it was because the first time hurts when you're a witch and she didn't want me to blame the boy for it" Susan said embarrassed.
"All the more reason to give me something that would teach me how to reduce the amount of pain I caused you," Harry retorted. "According to my book the first time can hurt for muggle girls too, but there are things you can do to make it hurt less, but they're not mentioned in Madam Pomfrey's book. I would've thought that there'd be spells to help with that but there's none of those in here either."
"Do you think the muggle things might work for witches?" Susan asked embarrassed.
"They should your body's the same… I mean the only difference is that you have magic," Harry said.
Susan looked uncertain.
"Do you want me to go and ask Madam Pomfrey if there's a reason it has to be done this way?" Harry asked, hoping desperately she would say no.
"Um no! You don't need to, it looks like the end result is the same. The muggle way looks like more work though, why would they go to so much effort?"
"Muggles don't use betrothal contracts, they haven't for decades, and marriages for money probably do occur among the rich but most muggles marry for love. Without magic a marriage can't be magically binding so divorce is possible and easily obtained in the muggle world. Because there's very little value placed on virginity most couples will have sex before they become engaged, often before they're even in love. Therefore a bloke needs to make a woman want to date them be with them sexually and to stay with them, so they need to put more effort into making sex feel good for her too or she'll find someone else willing to put in more effort. According to the book there are benefits to mutual stimulation."
"Oh!" Susan said thoughtfully.
"This would be another reason purebloods look down on muggleborns. Muggle women are taught that women have the right to enjoy sex and if they don't enjoy it then it's their partners fault for being too selfish and they'll find someone else who isn't," Harry said. "Muggleborns and half-blood girls with a muggle mother would learn that from their mum and their friends over the summer."
Susan giggled. "I can just imagine most guys' reaction to that."
Harry shrugged. "In the muggle world there's a huge amount of books and instructional videos and if my cousin's friends are normal then guys talk about it more. Not just how far they've got with who but also what turns a girl on and gets her going. If someone is motivated to improve there's plenty of ways to do it and plenty of education material that suggests that it's not something that just comes naturally with practice."
"Do guys talk about it here?" Susan asked horrified.
"Ron, Neville and I don't but I always figured it was because we had nothing to talk about, Dean's muggleborn so he wouldn't know not to say anything, though he's not said so much lately because Ginny is Ron's sister, Seamus is a half blood, so I guess he probably knows better but he's also betrothed to a girl back home so there's little chance she'll hear the gossip about him. Besides you can't tell me girls don't talk about stuff like that, I've heard Lavender and Parvati gossip. Not to mention how everyone seems to know who get's caught in the broom closets doing more than kissing or less than fully dressed," Harry said.
"We might talk about kisses and what boys look like and how they act out on a date compared to normal, but no pureblood or wizard raised girl would admit to going further than kissing," Susan said, then gathered up her courage to ask. "A lot of girls claim to have kissed you, but most of them weren't telling the truth, were they?"
"No. Who has been saying that? The only girl I kissed was Cho, and that was only once in fifth year. Well, it was more she kissed me because of the mistletoe and she was crying over Cedric at the time, it wasn't much of a kiss," Harry admitted blushing in shame.
"That wasn't your fault Harry," Susan said taking his hand.
A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed and those who followed or favourited this story for your support.
