Zuko
It was morning and I heard a knock on the door. It wasn't dawn anymore - the sun had been up for a couple of hours. Since Sam had the baby I was not sparring as much as I should. I walked over to the door to find Kiyi. I looked at her puzzled then it turned to concern.
"Everything is fine," she whispered, not to wake Sam or the baby, "I was wondering. Can we spar this morning? I really enjoyed our time together yesterday." I smiled and nodded.
"Let me get changed and I'll be right out." Kiyi nodded and resolved to wait for me. After I was changed into my training clothes, I led Kiyi to our sparring court. We both stepped into the ring and started to work. Kiyi was definitely better than she gave herself credit for. She didn't have any formal training though so her forms were a bit sloppy. I gave her tips and instruction on proper form.
"Try not to grunt when you firebend. Firebending comes from the breath, not the muscles." I felt like I was channeling Uncle Iroh. "Keep a calm spirit and level head and you will do well with firebending."
"Like this?" she shot a few fireballs in perfect form and no grunting.
"Yes! Perfect, Kiyi! You're a natural!"
"No, I just have a good teacher, Zuzu." her compliment made me blush. Then she looked at me and I could tell she wanted to say something but didn't know where to start.
"Something on your mind?"
"Well, yeah, actually there is. Remember when we were coming to the palace and we were attacked by those thugs?" I nodded, "You made that fire that…it was so pretty. I had never seen anything like it. It was different colors and it swirled around itself. Do you remember?" I opened my hand and demonstrated.
"This?"
"Yes! What is that? How do you do it?"
"Well, it's a very advanced technique that I learned from the dragons themselves. They taught me the true way to firebend. Dragon Fire is hotter than any other fire. And it's also much harder to control." I walked over to her and held up my flame for her and she was mesmerized. We continued to spar and just talk and get to know each other again when Sam came out into the yard carrying Izumi.
"Sam! You shouldn't have her so close to us when we are firebending! She could get hurt!" I scolded her. She rolled her eyes at me like she always did when she thought I was overreacting.
"Zuko, I'm nowhere near you. Besides, Azula will be here any minute. I think it's time we get Ursa prepared." I stiffened. I was hoping she forgot about that.
"Azula? Why do you want to see Azula?" Kiyi asked. I could tell she was still scared of her. She didn't have any reason not to be. She was mean to her when they first met and she kidnapped her disguised as the kemurikage. She didn't have any happy memories with her. I didn't have many either, come to think of it.
"Mom wants to see her." Sam nudged me, "And so does Izumi." I still wasn't on board with this but I agreed to it anyway. I'd be watching Azula like a hawk. I walked inside and went to find my mother. I wanted this over with.
Azula
It had been a few months since I was in the palace and I wasn't sure why I was here now. Sam had been meeting with me several times a week and stopped abruptly one day and I have not seen her since. It has been months. I felt abandoned by her. I was finally starting to trust someone and then she disappeared. I wondered if she would be seeing me today. I was sat down in the room we usually met in and Sam came walking in. She looked different though. I couldn't put my finger on it. Despite my hurt feelings, I was glad to see her.
"Hello, Sam. Long time, no see." I said trying to stay casual, in my sarcastic tone. Like always, Sam saw right through it.
"I'm sorry I haven't been meeting with you recently. But, right now I need to talk to you. Someone is here who wants to see you and I want you to be prepared for it."
"Oh? Who is it?"
"Your mother, Azula. Ursa, would like to see you."
I felt a pang of sorrow in my chest. My mother wants to see me? Why would she want to see me? I'm a monster in her eyes. She even went and had another daughter because her first one turned out to be such a head case.
"Azula, your mother loves you. Remember what we talked about?" Of course I did. I was merely projecting my own feelings onto my mother. She loves me. Right? That is what Sam said, anyways. Mother loves me. I looked at Sam and she was waiting for me to answer.
"I know, I projected my own feelings of worthlessness and my feelings of failure onto her. But how can she love me?"
"Because, Azula, a mother's love is unconditional. She loves you no matter what. And she has asked us if she can see you." This surprised me.
"She did? She WANTS to see me?" I couldn't help but smile. I didn't realize it until now but I wanted to see her too.
"Yes, Azula. Now we would like to take your cuffs off. Can we trust you?" I rolled my eyes.
"Yes, I won't try anything. I pinky swear." I said sarcastically. Sam nodded once and got up and spoke to the guard who came over and removed my cuffs. I could feel my inner fire come burning back but I controlled it. I had finally earned their trust, I didn't want to ruin it.
"Alright, I'll send her in." Sam said and she walked out and was replaced with…mother. I looked at her and I saw nothing but love in her eyes. I couldn't help it. I started to cry. My mother rushed over to me and embraced me.
"Shhh. Azula. I'm here. It's ok. Let it out." I wrapped my arms around mother in desperation. I cried. Hard. Sobbed. I missed her so much. I had told myself for so many years that she hated me. That she was ashamed of me. That she saw me as a monster. Sam told me she didn't. I didn't actually believe her though. But now I see her here in front of me and I couldn't help but feel…happy. Whole. Comforted. Loved. It was a foreign feeling. But welcomed.
"Mother. I…I…" I couldn't say what I wanted to but mother understood.
"I love you, too, Azula." She reached up and stroked my face, pushing a strand of hair back behind my ear. We sat and talked for a while. Telling each other about what we had been up to. Well, her telling me mostly. I didn't have much of a life in a 6x9 cell.
"Azula, I'm so proud of you." This surprised me. I said as much. "Because, you could sit here in hatred and contempt and your own self pity but instead you have released it and you are happier than I have ever seen you."
"Well, I never would have admitted this before, but it is because of Sam. Even after I tried to…assassinate her…she has tried to help me find an inner peace. She is good. And I can tell she cares about me. Or, at least I thought she did. I never thought I'd say such things about an outsider." I mused.
Suddenly, I heard the door open and Zuko walked in. Mother and I both looked over to him. He walked over and embraced us both.
"This is the first time all three of us are together in the same room since we were kids." Zuko said. He was right. It WAS the first time. I supposed he wasn't counting when I tried to kill her. He probably wanted to forget about that. And so did I. We sat and held each other for a while and then sat back and talked as a family. It was awkward but I wouldn't have had it any other way.
After we visited together for a while, the guard came over to put my cuffs back on. I saw Mother nudge Zuko and he cleared his throat.
"There is no need for that. Sam and I will be with her." Sam? This surprised me. I wasn't sure where this was going. Why would they both be here? Mother stood up and stroked Zuko on the face and she leaned down and kissed my forehead. She knew that was her cue to leave.
"I love you, Azula. I will make it a point to see you more. I promise." Mother said and she stroked my face and walked out of the room.
"Sam will be here? With you and me? What is going on?" Zuko looked surprised.
"Do you not know why Sam hasn't been to see you?"
"What do you mean 'why'? She gave up on me." To my surprise, Zuko looked angry.
"They were supposed to tell you." he said through clenched teeth. I wasn't sure what he was referring to but I could tell that someone was going to be in a world of trouble. "Sam hasn't been to see you because she was…busy." Right. Too busy to see me. I knew it. I was starting to trust Sam and then she abandoned me. That's what always happened. Everyone turns their backs on me.
"No, Azula. It isn't like that." Zuko must have seen what I was thinking. He reached out and touched my hand. "Sam, come in." Zuko called out. Sam appeared through the door but I was surprised to see that she was holding something in her arms. She walked over to Zuko and sat down next to him. Then I could see it. It was a little baby.
"I thought you would want to meet the reason why I haven't seen you, Azula. Meet your niece." I was flabbergasted. Sam saw it and developed a look of consternation and looked over at Zuko.
"No one told her." was all he said. Sam's eyes shot wide open, sorrow on her face.
"Zuko, you need to have a talk with someone about this. That is unacceptable." Zuko nodded in agreement, still looking angry. Sam looked at me, "Azula, I am so sorry. We had instructed your guard to tell you, which he obviously didn't do. I can only imagine what you're feeling. That I abandoned you. I'm so very sorry, Azula. I would never turn my back on you. I was on bed rest for the past few months of my pregnancy and I wasn't showing last I saw you. Zuko didn't want to tell anyone save for the doctor and our close servants. Aang and the rests of Zuko's friends didn't even know." Sam stood up, handed the baby to Zuko and she came over and gave me a hug. I didn't realize it, but I needed it. I felt relieved. She didn't hate me. She hadn't given up on me. Maybe there was hope for me yet.
I sat and watched Zuko, looking at the baby, cooing and holding her little hand. The look he had was a look I had never seen before on a father. Endearment. Cherishing. Awe. Devotion. Unconditional love. Something Zuko and I never had growing up from our father.
"This suits you." I said to him. He looked up at me and smiled. The old me would have said something sarcastic and mean. Oh, don't worry, I still am sarcastic. But it isn't my whole self anymore. Sam said it was a self-defense mechanism. That I would do that to keep people distant. Maybe that was true. Now it isn't meant with any malice.
"Thanks, Azula." Zuko looked like he was deliberating. "Would you…like to hold her?" Her? My Niece? He wanted me to hold my niece? I reached out my shaking hands, nervous. "Don't be nervous. Hold this arm like this and this hand here. You can rest her bottom on your leg if you like. There you go. You're a natural." Zuko said, smiling, "Her name is Izumi."
Izumi. She was beautiful. She had the black hair that Zuko had but it looked like it would be curly like Sam's. And thick. She had brown eyes like Sam had. She looked like she would be tall and slender like Zuko. I looked down at her and smiled. Izumi reached up and grabbed my hair, pulling. I didn't mind. I loved it actually. I started to get tears in my eyes. Such a precious little thing. I reached my hand up and tickled her belly making her smile and laugh.
"I can't believe it! She smiled AND laughed!" I said, despite myself. Zuko and Sam chuckled. They were holding each other, watching me with contented smiles on their faces. My tears started to spill over and splashed onto Izumi. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I am getting so emotional."
"Because babies have that effect on people. She loves you unconditionally. Babies don't know conditional love so they don't know how to express it." Sam explained.
We sat like this for hours as I held the child. I was surprised that Sam and Zuko let me. The baby had even started to cry and Sam handed me a bottle to feed her. I couldn't believe they let me near their child especially for this long. They were starting to really trust me. And I didn't want to lose that trust. Not now. Was this what it felt like to have a real family?
Eventually, the day started to draw to a close and it would be dark soon. Sam had taken Izumi back and I felt a pang of sadness. I didn't want to let her go and I started crying anew. The guard came in to put the chi-blocking cuffs back on me. Before he did, I hugged Zuko and Sam and gave Izumi a kiss on her tuft of hair before offering my hands to the guard. We walked out and I was escorted back to my cell.
Sam
Zuko carried Izumi with one arm and held my hand with the other as we walked through the halls.
"I can't believe how good Azula was. She actually looked like she had love in her eyes." Zuko recalled.
"Zuko, she has come a long way. She isn't the same person she was when she tried to kill me all those years ago. It's taken a lot of time and work on her part but she is different."
"You're right. I hope some day I am able to re-sentence her and reduce it. Maybe even release her if you ever feel she is ready."
"She will be ready one day. She still has some things to work though. Obviously your mother is one of them. But that will take time."
"Mother told her that she would be seeing her more often. I'm not sure in what capacity but I hope she does."
"I hope she does too. If your mother does, I think Azula will get better much quicker."
Zuko and I went back to our bedroom and turned in for the night. We took care of Izumi, played with her and laid and talked like we always did. The next morning, Ursa and her family will be leaving the palace and returning home. We needed to be there when they did.
Zuko and I woke up the next morning earlier than we had been. We needed to see them off and they would be leaving this morning. We got dressed and got Izumi ready for the day. We went down to the courtyard outside the palace and saw they were ready to board their carriage. They were waiting for us.
I could tell Zuko was sad to see them go. He loved them. Ursa was the only good thing in his life except for Iroh for his formative years. Noren was the father he wished he had and Kiyi was his baby sister. They all looked sorrowful. Ursa stepped forward to Zuko and I.
"Thank you both for having us here. We have missed you so much and I am so glad I could finally meet you, Sam. You make my son happy and I can see he does the same for you. You both are always welcome to come to our home anytime you wish." Then she looked over at me, "when will Azula be picking up her meetings with you?"
"I am hoping by the end of the month. Depends on how reasonable Zuko is." I playfully elbowed him in the stomach. "If he had his way I'd be living in a padded room." Zuko laughed despite himself.
"Please send a messenger. If there is a set schedule, I'd like to know a good time to come. I want to start seeing her more often. At least once a month if that is possible."
"Of course, Ursa. You and your family are always welcome here. When we start meeting I will be sure to have a messenger sent to you. Thank you for taking such an interest in her. It will help her immensely, I can tell already."
"Sam, you do great work with her. She is almost like a different person. She isn't cruel or mean or sarcastic anymore."
"Oh trust me, she is plenty sarcastic still. But not the same way she used to be. It isn't filled with venom or malice anymore."
They all boarded the carriage and we all waved good bye to each other. Zuko's eyes started to fill with tears. I wound my arm around his waist and hugged myself to him. He laid his face down on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around Izumi and I. I could tell this arrangement would do both Azula and Zuko a world of good.
