When he finally opened his eyes after what felt like an eternity the sun was rising behind the treetops, casting a daunting shadow across the forest floor. How long had he stayed out there? A day? Two? He couldn't tell. His dad must be worried about him. The pack would surely be looking for him soon.
Shakily he staggered to his feet. His injuries had healed fast, but he dreaded going back to the reservation. How could he look his father in the eye? He felt ashamed. What did this say about him? That he ached like this for another man, a vampire. He didn't know which part was worse. But it did ache. Oh how it ached. His whole being wailed for him to run towards the Cullen home, but his mind willed against it.
He headed towards his own home at a slow pace, forcing himself against his body's wishes. This was messed up. How was it even possible to imprint on someone so far out of his own preferences? He had never considered being with a man before. He wasn't gay. They didn't have any gay people on the reservation. And shouldn't being with a vampire go against everything the Quileute tribe stood for?
As he approached his father's house, he could see his whole pack standing around outside, because of course they were. It would have been too easy if he could just slip in unnoticed, since he obviously didn't have enough to worry about.
Sam Uley had a stern look on his face, "Where the hell have you been, Jacob? Billy has been worried sick about you." The mention of his father made his stomach churn.
Sam stepped in front of him, blocking him from entering his house. "Nobody has seen you since two days ago when you went to meet with that bloodsucker at the border," he stated, "Don't you think an explanation is in order?" He phrased it as a question, but Jacob knew it was a demand. A demand from his alpha. Even in his human form it was impossible for him to lie to Sam, but as long as he didn't phase he didn't have to tell the whole story.
"I had a disagreement with the l–" Jacob paused, unable to say the word he was intending, "I had a disagreement with Edward." The inability to bash Edward took him off guard, but he simply couldn't get himself to utter the word leech to describe such perfection.
The entire pack was staring at him, but his mind had gone blank.
"Did he harm you?" Sam snarled, "Do we need to–"
"NO!" Jacob erupted, "I mean, no, he didn't… harm me… he just, I mean," Shit, "We just had a disagreement over Bella and I spent some time cooling off. Sorry I worried you all." Jacob tried to sound natural, but he didn't know if they bought his story.
Paul charged forward and pushed Jacob's chest, "You have to give this whole Bella thing a rest," he almost shouted, "you put the whole pack at risk being so irresponsible around her and that bloodsucker." Paul was in Jacob's face, and Jacob felt his wolf vibrate under his skin. He could easily put Paul in his place.
But they couldn't know. If he changed they would immediately hear what he was thinking. They would feel his subconscious pleas to find Edward. His thoughts of being completely consumed, to do anything Edward wished of him. They would see the vile things that flashed in his mind when he thought of Edward's body…
"Calm down, Paul," Sam finally said, and Paul stepped back reluctantly, "Jacob, maybe it's for the best if you don't meet up with Bella for a while." Sam seemed to await a volatile response, but Jacob felt relieved. He didn't want to see Bella again, or Edward. He didn't want to see them together, and he didn't want to feel the way he felt when Edward was near. He wanted Edward more than anything, but also wanted him gone. His mind was a mess.
"I agree," Jacob stated bluntly, "Can I please go to bed?" He was exhausted despite sleeping altogether too long in the woods. If he could, he would just stay asleep forever, to not have to think about his whole situation.
Sam raised an eyebrow, but let him enter his house. He could hear the rest of the pack ramble about how weird he was being, but he didn't care. This was nothing compared to what they would think if they knew. Knew how much of a perverted freak he was. How much of a disgrace to his tribe and their legacy. Who went from being in love with a beautiful girl, to pining over her dead boyfriend. He felt like his windpipe was closing up at the thought.
"Son," he heard his father say from the other room, but Jacob couldn't face his father with those kinds of thoughts running through his head. He ran quickly into his room and locked the door. With his superhuman hearing he could hear his father's wheelchair outside his door for a few moments before it left again. Billy Black wasn't one to confront his son about his feelings, and he trusted him to not start now.
Jacob buried his face in his pillow and let out a loud growl. He knew the rest of his pack could hear him, but he didn't care. They would all think he was pining over Bella, like he should have been. There was no way they could have imagined what was really going on. This whole situation was unbelievable.
This whole thing made him so tired, but it felt like his mind and body was on fire. There was no way he would actually be able to sleep even though that was all he wanted to do. He laid in bed for hours, trying to focus on random things in his room. On the slight whistle of the wind outside, on the hot air creating sweat droplets on his skin. Edward probably couldn't sweat. Of course he couldn't, he was dead. The thought sent a sharp sting through his chest, like his heart wanted to stop beating too. Fuck, focus! He counted the number of planks in his ceiling, he contemplated taking a cold shower, but he felt glued to the bed.
Once he no longer heard anyone from the pack nearby, and his dad had gone to bed for the night, he let his mind wander for the first time. He had tried his best not to pick apart the whole situation, but he couldn't help himself any longer. Images of Edward flooded his mind, surging into clear view from his subconsciousness. His breath became jagged, and his skin felt tingly.
As he closed his eyes he could see Edward's face as clear as day. He replayed the whole incident in his head. He saw it from the outside, not as clouded by his overwhelming emotions as he had been in the moment. He saw how Edward had stared at him. How shocked and… frightened?… he had looked, as he read Jacob's thoughts. The image made Jacob dig his fingers into the bed so deep the mattress ripped in his grip. Edward had been disgusted with him, as he should be, but it felt excruciating.
Why did he even feel this way? Imprinting didn't have to be romantic in nature, they could form a different kind of bond, but Jacob felt his whole being ache for Edward to love him. He would give anything for Edward to– No! He definitely wouldn't want that. He couldn't go there. And besides, Edward wasn't even… I mean, he was into Bella, he wasn't gay. And Jacob wasn't either. He would never. The thought of being with another man in any kind of sexual way repulsed him.
But when Edward was lying on top of him that day, with a firm hand planted on his chest, straddling his leg, accidentally pressing his thigh up against Jacob's crotch, it felt… unlike anything he had ever felt before. Stronger. He had never felt this way towards Bella, or any other person for that matter. He had been ready to do whatever Edward wanted. No matter how perverted, how deprived, he would let him have his way.
Jacob let out a deep sigh, not realizing he had been holding his breath. What would Edward even do to him? What two men did… in bed… was not something he had ever contemplated. It was disgusting to think about.
Still the image of Edward stradling him, pushing him harder into the ground, kept reentering his mind. He couldn't keep the thoughts from forming. He saw Edward caressing his chest with his hands. Jacob let out a low sob, as he imagined Edward bending over to lick the crook of his neck, like he was going to drink his blood. Suck him dry. If Edward had wanted to, he would have let him. Consequences be damned.
He envisioned Edward pulling his shirt off, showing off his impeccable physique as he slowly rolled his hips down to press his erection against Jacob's own. Fuck. He clutched his hands even harder into the bed, as he felt his cock pulsing and burning to be touched. It was disgusting! Heaving for air, he wouldn't let this hellish imprint make him do something repulsive, but he felt like he was about to explode. His hands gripped the bed so hard now that he was left with two handfuls of mattress in the palms of his hands. He wanted to scream.
He felt too much, his body couldn't contain it. Rolling over to bury his face in his pillow once again, he moaned as his erection pressed into the bed. It would be impossible to sleep in this state, so he got into a rhythm of steady breathing, and stayed like that the rest of the night.
He was determined to not think about anything like that ever again, because if this was his life from now on, he didn't want it anymore.
