The next few days were a blur. Jacob got up from bed to go to the toilet a few times, maybe to get a glass of water, but besides that, he didn't do anything. He didn't answer when his dad called for him through the door, he didn't eat, didn't sleep. His mind was all consumed with Edward. What was he doing? How was he feeling? Did he hate Jacob? Of course he did, he had heard all the deprived things that had crossed Jacob's mind.

Edward was old, like really old. He was from the early 1900s, wasn't he? That's what Bella had said. There was no way he would be okay with something like this. Jacob wasn't even okay with it now. Homosexuality was something they made fun of in school, slurs they called each other to be mean. It meant you were weak. It meant you weren't alpha material. You weren't pack material.

But there was also the whole vampire aspect. Edward was dead. Literally dead. A frea… fuck. He couldn't even get himself to think anything negative anymore. Edward was perfect the way he was, even though it pained him that he couldn't have met him as a human. The fact that Edward was dead had actually started making him feel grief for him, instead of the contempt he had felt before. He almost couldn't bear thinking about how Edward could have died, how much pain he must have been in. Jacob felt a tear glide down his cheek, and he shook his head. He didn't cry. This wasn't his problem to contemplate, even though he wanted to rip his own heart out from the pain that line of thinking caused him.

It was probably a good thing that Edward was disgusted, because Jacob didn't have the restraint to tell him no if he had wanted him. But he couldn't… this couldn't happen either way. Still his body was pining. His bones were burning to take him to Edward. It had been physically painful to keep himself back for this long.

He was startled out of his thoughts by a hard knock on the door. It took him off guard, his senses must have weakened significantly. "Jacob! Open the door!" Sam's voice was loud and stern, unlike anything he had ever heard before. Without hesitation, Jacob obeyed. He was too weak to resist the command from his Alpha, even though he was in his human form.

Sam barged into the room, accompanied by Billy and Embry, who let out a low gasp when he saw him. He must be quite the sight; not having showered, slept or eaten for days, and in the worst pain of his life. He sat back down on his bed, staring at the ground. He couldn't face them.

"What is going on, Jacob?" Embry said in a low voice, laced with concern.

"Nothing," Jacob tried.

"Nothing?!" Embry let out, "Look at you, you can barely sit upright, what the hell happened to you that day?"

"I just need some time to myself, I'll… be fine…" Jacob let out a listless laugh at himself. They could all see that was a lie.

Embry went over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Jacob, you're scaring us. The whole pack is concerned for you, Bella-" Jacob looked up slightly, "-has been calling Billy ten times a day. You have to give us something to tell her." Trying to manipulate him with Bella was pretty low, but it just showed how desperate Embry was for his best friends to feel better. Jacob didn't blame him, but the mention of Bella's name just made him think of what Edward thought of this. If Bella had been calling, Edward surely knew Jacob hadn't been answering.

Jacob sighed hard, almost grunting, and Embry flinched, "This can't all be because Bella doesn–"

"Embry, Billy," Sam suddenly said, interrupting Embry mid sentence, "could I get a word with Jacob alone?"

Billy quickly left, seemingly not even wanting to look in Jacob's direction. Jacob didn't blame him, he was filthy… both inside and out. Embry hesitated for a second, but Sam sent him a stern look that had him speeding out the door.

Jacob didn't know where to look. He was too broken to come up with more excuses, and too weak to resist Sam's commands. Maybe he should run. His eyes darted to the window for a second.

"Don't even think about it," Sam said, "you know I'll catch you in a second in the state you're in." He was undoubtedly right.

"Jacob, please tell me what's going on," Sam paused, "I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

Help? Nothing could help him. "I don't need help, Sam," Jacob started halfheartedly, "I just need to be left alone." His words were empty, he even heard it himself. His need to run through the window grew. If he got out, he could go to Edward. He just needed to be closer, a little closer.

Sam sighed and went to sit next to him on the bed. "I know what you're going through, Jacob," Jacob's heart sped up. "You imprinted on Bella, didn't you?" Close, but not nearly as fucked up.

Sam put a hand on Jacob's back, "I know how it feels to not be able to be with your chosen person. It took a long while before Emily decided she could be with me after what happened with Leah." To Jacob that problem seemed insignificant. Emily and Leah were both women, human women from their own tribe, at that. Jacob would give anything to have that be his situation. He felt a desperation build in his chest.

"You just need to give her some time, Jake," Sam continued, "She'll come around, you wouldn't have imprinted on her otherwise,"

Jacob started hearing a ringing in his ears. He was getting dizzy, and he could feel his breathing turn into low sobs. Wouldn't have imprinted otherwise? As if. It was impossible. Repulsive. Sick. Unnatural in so many ways.

"Jake, talk to me," Sam said, and Jacob burst into tears, trying to hide his face in his hands as Sam started rubbing circles on his back.

"I can't fucking take this anymore, Sam," Jacob whimpered, "I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't think of anything else." His mind was numb, he barely knew what he was saying. He just needed to get to Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward.

"You shouldn't stay away from her like this, Jake, it will only hurt worse," Sam said, like it was an easy solution, "You will become what she needs you to be. If that's a friend right now, then you should be her friend. She clearly wants you to be, based on how many times she's been calling." Sam let out a reluctant laugh.

Jacob felt like he couldn't catch his breath. This was fucking embarrassing, but he didn't really have the stamina to care. "Sam, it's not… I can't…" he sobbed, completely losing his composure.

"I'll make it easy for you then," Sam said stoically, "Go to her Jacob, it's a command from your Alpha."