After throwing Belle out Rumple had had some time to clear his mind and think things over. The result of said thinking was that not long after she had left, he had come to regret his choice. Just as she had claimed he would.

Of course, his Belle was always right. She always saw through him in a way no other could.

Not that she was his anymore. He'd taken her offer of love and thrown it out the window.

The more he considered it the more the idea of her working for the Queen became preposterous. For one thing the brief time she'd been free to leave wasn't enough for the Queen to get her claws properly into Belle. Belle was far too pure to go along with anything so underhanded.

Of course, long ago he'd sworn to love nothing other than Bae until he found him but surely Bae would have understood. And perhaps if he had bothered to explain himself to Belle instead of letting his paranoia take over than maybe there was a slight chance she too might have understood.

Time and again he considered going after her. But each time he got close to coming up with a way to track her he held back. The truth was he was a coward and he couldn't bear to face her rejection again if he went and asked her back. A well-deserved rejection mind you.

Anyway, surely, she must be happier at home with her family. She didn't need him. Time would mend any heartbreak she might have suffered and she'd hopefully realize she was better off without a monster like him.

Yes. That thought was the only small comfort he had among his regrets which hung about him like a dark cloak. That was until the Queen's visit.

"Flimsy locks." she said with a laugh as she strode in. "I have a deal to discuss. A certain mermaid."

"I'm not dealing today." said Rumple shortly. He was still angry with the Queen over her interference.

"Are you angry with me? What is it this time?" asked Regina as she poured herself tea.

"Your little deception failed. You'll never be more powerful than me. You can keep trying, dearie, but you're never gonna beat me." he informed her firmly. It really was foolish of her to even try. A part of him was slightly concerned at how uncontrollable she was becoming.

"Oh. Is this about that girl I met on the road?" she laughed "What was her name? Margie? Verna?" Rumple bristled.

"Belle."

"Right. Well... you can rest assured I had nothing to do with that tragedy." Rumple froze before slowly standing up and turning to look at the Queen.

"What tragedy?" Regina gave him a look of mock pity.

"You don't know? Wow. After she got home... her fiancé had gone missing. And after her stay here, her... "association" with you, no one would want her, of course. Her father shunned her, cut her off, shut her out."

"So she needs... a home?" said Rumple hope rising inside him. True it was a shame about Belle's family but if she needed somewhere to go, he would happily have her back and perhaps with time he could make it up to her. Regina gave a cruel laugh.

"He was cruel to her. He locked her in a tower and sent in clerics to cleanse her soul with scourges and flaying. After a while, she threw herself off the tower. She died." Rumple felt like his insides had been turned to ice.

"You're lying."

"Am I?"

"We're done." he said magically opening the doors of the castle. Regina began to stride out

"Fine. I have other calls to make." she swiped her finger along the table. "Hmm. The place is looking dusty, Rumple. You should get a new girl."

"Out!" he barked and she hasted her gait the doors slamming shut behind her. Rumple closed his eyes. It was the Evil Queen. There was no way that she could be considered a reliable resource. No. He needed to investigate these claims for himself.

In a whirl of smoke Rumple found himself in the throne room of Avalonea. People scattered the minute he entered the room until only King Maurice remained petrified with terror in his chair.

"I'm only going to ask you this once dearie. WHERE. IS. BELLE?" he hissed using magic to choke the king before letting him go enough that he could talk. Maurice scowled at him.

"Dead. No thanks to you. She came back with some wild story of being in love with you. I knew it must be a spell. But before the clerics could finish their job and save her, she ended her own life."

Rumplestiltskin felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. So, it was true. Belle was dead.

"My fault?" he hissed once again choking the man.

"You were the one that tortured her to the point she saw death as a preferable option!"

Kill him! Kill him!" the voices in his head clamored. And the idea was tempting.

"Kill me then! And be the monster I knew she could never love!" said Maurice. Those words gave Rumple pause as the part of his heart that still belonged to Belle held back. For he knew deep down that no matter what she wouldn't want her father dead. Not to mention the chaos losing a ruler with no set heir would cause to her kingdom and people. No. He wouldn't be that monster. Not today at least. He released the King.

"Oh no. I'm not going to kill you dearie. I'm going to let you live. I'm going to let you live with the guilt that you drove your only child to suicide. To know each day, it's because of your actions she's gone. You survive because of that, and because of her memory. Because she wouldn't wish you dead. And even now, I will abide by her wishes." with a final glare Rumple returned to his castle in a swirl of smoke.

Only then did her allow his mask to slip and grief to overwhelm him. He walked over to the table where he had laid out the tea set on the off chance she came back and picked up the chipped cup. Then he walked over to a plinth and replaced a jeweled chalice with the cup.

Tears slid down his face as he began to sob. For as much as he had laid blame upon Maurice he knew he too was at fault. He had driven Belle away and straight into the arms of those clerics. Perhaps if he had been braver and accepted her love. Or gone to look for her sooner maybe he could have caught her before it was too late. Now, now she was gone. Just like Bae. Except without any chance of getting her back.

OUAT

Rumple spent the few months stewing in his grief. He only accepted the few deals required to move his plans with Bae along and spent the rest of his time holed up in his castle Spinning. Yet as with Bae. Despite the pain he couldn't bring himself to forget.

One day the doors swung open to reveal Pip and the Hatter. It was strange as he hadn't called for either.

"Hello Rum!" said Pip.

"What are you doing here?" he asked shortly. not moving from his wheel.

"You know the customary answer when someone enters is hello," said Jefferson taking a seat at the table while Pip approached Rumple.

"You haven't called on us in a while and we were worried," she said in a strangely gentle tone.

"I'm fine." he said without much emotion. The Hatter gave an exaggerated sigh

"Alright let's get Belle in here so she can tell us what's going on where is the darling girl? Isn't this your normal tea time?"

"Gone." said Rumple.

"Gone?" Chorused the husband and wife.

"What on earth do you mean gone?" said the Hatter however Pip raised a perceptive eyebrow.

"Did she not come back?" she asked and Rumple knew she was referring to their conversation at the ball. Rumple considered sending them home with a wave of his hand and locking them out. But he also knew that the two of them would never let this go. They'd grown too close to Belle. As had Grace. So, he sighed deciding to just get the unpleasantness over with. He turned on his stool.

"She won't ever come back Pip. She's dead."

"What!" exclaimed the two portal jumpers.

"Hold on you're starting at the end we need to go back to the beginning what do you mean she's dead? How in the world could she DIE?" asked the Hatter. Rumple stood and began to pace.

"I let her go and she came back. She said she loved me but...it didn't work out."

"You didn't believe her." surmised Pip softly.

"How could she? But I should have or at least I shouldn't have done what followed." He explained the true loves kiss, the mention of the Queen, his loss of temper and subsequent rejection of her, followed by the Queen's story that was confirmed by Belle's father." By the end there was grief both Jefferson and Pip's eyes, though Pip's also contained hints of fury.

"And you let the bastard live?" she practically hissed.

"It's what Belle would have wished. Much as I want to skin the man and make him suffer every torment, he inflicted upon her." scowled Rumple.

"Who thought you would be the reasonable one?" muttered Pip fingering her pipe angrily before shaking her head.

"I'm sorry Rum."

"As am I." said the Hatter coming over and placing a hand on his shoulder that for once Rumple didn't shake off.

"It's my own blasted fault for not believing her and not going after her," said Rumple turning away.

"Come now Belle wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

"Hatter she was put in that position because I left her vulnerable. It's entirely likely she did grow to hate me for being the cause of the suffering she endured." answered Rumple. He saw his two oldest acquaintances share a look.

"Personally, I don't think this self-flagellation is going to help anything. But I also know we can't control it. Is there anything we can do for you?" asked Pip.

Rumple stared at the blond who he could tell was being entirely genuine before shaking his head.

"No magic can raise the dead. There's nothing that can be done to fix this or assuage my guilt. A guilt I deserve."

"Alright. But if you change your mind the offer stands. We're at your service as more than employee's you know." said the Hatter with his wife nodding in agreement. Rumple simply inclined his head and turned away hearing the two walk out and the doors slam shut behind them sealing him in once more with his grief.

Author's Note: So this is how I justify Rumple actually buying the Queen's story. If her father says so then it's more likely to be the truth. I don't think Rumple would believe Maurice would have the courage to lie to him and he's in too much guilt and grief to properly detect the deception. I hope you liked this (painful as I'm sure it is for all us Rumbelle fans) and enjoyed the return of Pip and Jefferson who will soon have a much more important role. Thanks to all those who read this and especially those that leave comments if you like the story please take a moment to leave a note below they really do make my day. Until next time (where we at last deviate from canon)!