*In Jay's Workspace, everyone gathers in a hall meant to resemble the one from the end of Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope. There's Rex, Janna, Omnitraxus Prime, Spongebob Narrator, Ed, Eddy, Plank, TFS Nappa, DAU Kermit, GIR, the Warner Siblings, Freakazoid, Lemongrab, Baby Yoda, & the Cryptkeeper watching. On the stage are Hooty, King, & Janna, standing before RJ "Jay" Writing Ink, Keyblade on his back, blaster at his hip, and a medal in his hand.*
Jay: Hooty, King, Janna, two weeks ago, when the blaster fire rang out, you all showed grit, determination, and cunning that was instrumental in securing our victory over the enemy.
DAU Kermit: And bullshit! Don't forget the power of bullshit!
Jay: Indeed. We must never underestimate the power of pulling bullshit. Thanks to you all, we managed to beat back the Battle Droids of the Bedlam Raiders and saved the Workspace! We even managed to capture one and turn it into a new character!
*Jay then gestures to a B1 Battle Droid that's been repainted blood red with black stripes, its nose sharpened to a fine point, and a telescoping red eye added, a vibroblade attached to one of its wrists, and the bones of various creatures attached to its limbs.*
Jay: Everyone, say hello to Mister Bones from the Star Wars franchise, AKA the deadliest Battle Droid to ever live! And probably the funniest!
Mister Bones: HELLO! I'M READY TO PERFORM VIOLENCE AND SING KARAOKE, ROGER ROGER!
Hooty: Oh boy! I finally have someone new to bring to karaoke nights! GIR's going to be so happy!
King: Jay, you may have just created a monster.
Janna: Ah, quit worrying, King. At least he's on our side. Besides, Battle Droids are hilarious.
Everyone in the audience: FACTS/YEAH/I WANT TACOS/I COULD MAKE A WHOLE CIRCUS OUT OF THEM!
Jay: Choices of adding even more characters to the Workspace aside, we are here to honor the actions of you three in the battle against the hordes of enemies that somehow came out of my copy of Star Wars: Jedi Survivor. For this, I award you our highest honor, the Cross of Bullshitting!
*Jay then places the medal on each of the trio's chests, revealing it to be a cross with a picture of a smirking Jay with thug-life glasses. Everyone cheers and applauds in response.*
Jay: Now, with this out of the way, let us celebrate while we commence the next chapter, "On the Job!" Begin the story!
"Okay. Daddy will come to get you after work. Six o'clock sharp. Be good and listen to babysitters," Buff Frog said before stepping back through the portal and returning to the Forest of Certain Death on Mewni with a determined look. He had to make sure that this job went well, not only for his sake but for the sake of his children.
Since the destruction of Castle Avarius months ago, Buff Frog had been living a quiet and peaceful life, focusing on spending time with his tadpoles and ensuring they had everything they needed to be happy and healthy. At first, it had not been difficult. He had the funds he earned from working for Ludo and various odd jobs he'd done on the side, and it was enough to pay for food for himself now that he was on his own. Granted, he couldn't walk into the marketplace of a Mewman town and buy supplies, but there were other ways to acquire things. More unsavory characters had found it profitable to sell goods clandestinely to the Monsters for high prices. Mewmans did it for profit (and as another way to flaunt their supposed superiority), but so did the Demons and Coltheads. The bitter irony that the latter two had once been considered Monsters was not lost on them, either.
It had been tough, but Buff Frog had managed by himself for a long time. Now that he had twelve children to look after, things were different. He had found his funds and food supply being rapidly consumed, and before he knew it, they were gone altogether. That was why when Boo Fly had contacted him and told him about a job he had lined up, he had no recourse but to accept. He had to do this! His children were counting on him! He needed to ensure they were cared for, well-fed, and...and...
"WAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
No sooner had Buff Frog stepped out of the portal and back onto Mewni than he found his emotions getting the better of him. He missed his babies so much! And he had only been apart from them for less than a minute!
"Nyet!" Buff Frog shouted at himself. "Pull yourself together, man! Your babies are counting on you to get this done!" He reminded himself. He wasn't just doing this for himself, he was doing this to ensure his kids could eat!
"Who is the most ruthless Monster there is? Who is the most evil Monster there is? You, that's who!" Buff Frog told himself to psyche himself up before meeting the others. "Now, go out there and show them what you can do! Hya! Hya!" With a grunt and a roar, Buff Frog ran off into the Forest to meet with Boo Fly and his associates.
"So, who is it that we've got coming to help us again?" asked Dogbull, a muscular, pale-blue Monster with the body and horns of a bull but the head of a bulldog, as he bench-pressed a tree trunk.
"Hizzz name izzz Buff Frog. We uzzed to work with him until recently," Boo Fly buzzed. "He can get the job done."
"Yeah," Lobster Claws proudly proclaimed. "He was the best of all of us when we worked for Ludo!"
"Not exactly a ringing endorsement, if you ask me, crab claws," a fourth female voice now said as she twirled a long, light quill between the digits on her paws. This was Ms. Quill, a purple, porcupine-like Monster whose spines ran across her back like a mohawk and a seasoned mercenary.
"I'm not a crab; I'm a lobster!" Lobster Claws shouted indignantly at her. "I mean, I have the back-tail thingy and everything! Crabs don't have that!"
"Don't care," Ms. Quill nonchalantly stated as she looked over her makeshift armor that was covering her body. "Just want to get this job done."
"I still don't know about this," Dogbull said as he continued to work out. "Last I heard, he got fired for botching a big job with you guys!"
Boo Fly, and Lobster Claws glanced at each other nervously before Boo Fly responded. "There were...extenuating circumzztancezz," Boo Fly admitted. Neither of them wished to talk about how it had been due to the sabotage of Toffe, the Septarian that Ludo had hired to help improve their forces. In truth, though, he manipulated all of them into helping him force the Prince of Mewni into a position where he'd have no choice but to destroy his Wand. None of them knew that doing so caused an explosion that destroyed Castle Avarius and nearly took them along with it. All told, this was something that neither of Ludo's former minions wanted to look back on.
"Look, we know he may have had some trouble before, but trust us. Buff Frog will get this done!" Lobster Claws confidently told the newcomers. "I trust him with this!"
"Alright, fine. But I still say that it's a mistake to trust Buff Frog," Dogbull grumbled to himself.
"That's Yvgeny Bulgolyubov to you."
At this point, everyone stopped what they were doing to look in the direction of the voice. Standing before them, clad in a simple, green tunic that matched the color of his skin, was the Frog-Man they'd all been waiting for.
Lobster Claws and Boo Fly's eyes lit up when they saw their old comrade in arms. "BUFF FROG!" they each shouted in joy. Then, with the enthusiasm of children seeing someone they hadn't seen in a long time, the Fly and Lobster rushed over to the Frog-Man to greet him.
"Buddy! Oh, I missed you so much!" Lobster Claws said as he gave the large Frog-Man a hug that would've broken the bones of anyone weaker. For someone as tough as Buff Frog, though, this was nothing.
"Lobster Claws! It has been too long, comrade!" Buff Frog heartily greeted his old friend. "I am happy to see that you are doing well."
"Buff Frog, listen. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that we let Ludo throw you out, and that we should've listened to you about Toffee, and that we-" Before Lobster Claws could continue his long stream of apologies, Buff Frog held out a hand to shush him.
"It is alright, Lobster Claws," Buff Frog said reassuringly. "I bear no ill will towards you or any others for what happened in the past. All of that was the work of Ludo...and Toffee." Despite trying to look happy, Buff Frog couldn't help but grimace at the memory of the Septarian. He didn't trust the lizard from the get-go, and while his suspicions proved well-founded, it did little good for them now.
"Buff Frog, buddy. Thankzzz for agreeing to help uzz out with thizzz job," Boo Fly enthusiastically told the Monster. "We could really uze your zkillzz to pull thizzz off."
With a growl, Dogbull stopped working out as he heard this last part. "His skills? Are you so sure about that, Boo Fly?" He questioned allowed as he walked up to the three while Ms. Quill watched with silent interest. "This guy looks too...soft to be of help to us," he said while looking over the newcomer. In particular, Dogbull's eyes focused heavily on Buff Frog's large torso and gut. He had always been a heavyset individual due to his species. Still, it seemed that his time being a father to his children had made him put on some extra bulk that he previously didn't have.
Buff Frog noticed that Dogbull's eyes were lingering on his gut and snarled in response. "Soft? You think I am soft?" Pulling up his tunic to reveal his bare torso, Buff Frog began to pull back the layer of fat with his hands, much to Ms. Quill's displeasure. When Buff Frog finished, he revealed a set of six-pack abs hidden beneath the fat. "This is not fat, comrade, but muscle!"
"Gross," Ms. Quill couldn't help but comment.
Dogbull looked at Buff Frog's abs and then met Buff Frog's gaze. "He's just like me, then," he said before scoffing. "Whatever. I'll bet the last time he got his hands dirty was changing diapers," he said with a smirk. However, that proved a mistake, as Buff Frog grabbed him by the throat.
"You want me to change your diaper?" the Frog-Man darkly asked as if daring Dogbull to answer him.
"Whoa, geez!" Lobster Claws exclaimed, surprised by this unexpected aggression from Buff Frog.
Thankfully, Boo Fly intervened to break the two up before things could escalate further. "Guyzzz, guyzzzz, guyzzzz! We're all on the zzame team, here. No need for fighting between ourzellves, right Buff Frog?"
Buff Frog glanced at Boof Fly and then at the arrogant Dogbull. With a sigh, he let go of the Monster's neck. "Da. Boo Fly is right, and we must not fight when we have job to do."
Had Dogbull been more considerate, he would've taken this opportunity to apologize for insulting the Frog-Man and let go of any animosity between them. Dogbull proved unwilling or unable to do this, scoffing once more and mumbling, "Whatever. Just don't slow us down," he said before walking away. After that, no one spoke up until Ms. Quill finally said something.
"Well, this job's going off to a great start."
00000000000
In another part of the Forest of Certain Death, the party of Monsters hid amidst the foliage as they conducted reconnaissance for the first part of their job. The object of their focus was a bar made out of a mismatch of earthworks and materials that looked to be scavenged from someone's dumpster. Despite its cobbled-together appearance, the bar looked very sturdy and big enough to accommodate a sizeable number of beings. Sadly, this was not a construct created by the Monsters that predominantly lived in the isolated parts of the Forest of Certain Death. This was built by another race that called Mewni home: the Rats.
Much like the Monsters, the Rats were native to Mewni. Thus, when the Mewmans arrived from unknown lands, they also found themselves marginalized and driven from their homes. Unlike the Monsters, though, the Rats had done far better at adapting to their new circumstances. Being scavengers, they simply clung to the back alleys and sewers of their dimension's new masters. They did what they do best, taking things that the Mewmans either discarded or stealing them when they weren't looking. Despite their similar lot in life, the Rats were not allies to the Monsters, preferring to keep to themselves and not draw too much attention. That is, until recently.
There had been whispers amongst Monsters that something had changed with the Rats recently. They had started to step up their scavenging, taking back items of greater and greater value from their expeditions into Mewman territory. As time passed, the rumors had only grown. Now, Monsters were getting glimpses of Rats returning from the Mewman Kingdoms carrying something more valuable than any weapon or gold could ever hope to be. Something that Monsters would do anything to possess for themselves.
These rumors had led Boo Fly to assemble this team of four to stake out this Rat bar to see if the stories they heard were true. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, they saw a Rat exit the bar before heading off to the side of the dilapidated tavern. As they watched, they saw the Rat stomp their foot on the ground before making some strange hand gestures, at which point, another Rat appeared before them. As the two rodents scanned their surroundings to see if anyone was watching, the Monsters feared their cover was blown. To their great relief, the Rats didn't seem to notice their presence as they returned their focus to each other. The new Rat gave the other one something that made the Monster's eyes widen, and their mouths drool.
"Corn!"
"Corn!"
"Corn!"
"Coorrnnn!"
As the Monsters watched in amazement, they saw the Rats exchange a large, beautifully golden ear of Mewman Corn. The lifeblood of the Mewman way of life, the Mewmans used it as a staple in almost all of their food. So golden was it that many Mewmans considered it more valuable than actual gold. For years, the Monsters had coveted this precious crop that the Mewmans hoarded all to themselves, with many of their kind risking their lives to get their hands on it. Any Monster who got enough of the crop to plant for themselves would never have to worry about food for as long as they lived, yet none had prevailed. The Mewman's strength and magic proved too strong to stand up against.
"Why do Rats have corn when Monsters are starving? Only Mewmans have corn?" Buff Frog said, still finding it hard to believe what he was looking at. The Rats had somehow gotten their hands on something that the Monsters could only dream of having!
"That'zz what we're here to find out, Buff Frog," Boo Fly explained. "If we can find where they're getting it..."
"Then we can take it for ourselves," Buff Frog said as he realized what Boo Fly was proposing. "More than that, we can give it to other Monsters who need food. We will be heroes!"
"Hey, I didn't sign up for this to be a hero, you know," Ms. Quill interjected. "I'm just here so I can get enough corn that I won't have to worry about work for a long time," she admitted before laying back on the ground, already picturing her house filled to the brim with more corn than she should ever hope to eat. To her, that was the equivalent of heaven.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's hurry up and get ahold of that delicious corn already!" Lobster Claws practically shouted.
"Quiet, you great crustacean," Dogbull growled. "Do you want them to know we're coming for them?" He asked.
"Ummm...no?" Lobster Claws told Dogbull, not understanding that it was a rhetorical question.
Before Dogbull could insult Lobster Claws again, Buff Frog signaled for them to pay attention. "Alright, here is plan. First, we capture Rat. Second, we make Rat tell us where they got corn. Third, we find corn and take it for ourselves."
"Well, great then," Dogbull said as he started to get up from his hiding spot. "I'll just head over there and take one of those little varmints!" Before Dogbull could break cover, though, Buff Frog held out his hand.
"Nyet, Dogbull. Give your abs a break," the Frog-Man said. "We must do this quietly, without attracting attention," he firmly told the other Monster. "Now, let me teach you about element of surprise," Buff Frog told everyone before motioning them to give him some space. Taking a deep breath, Buff Frog flexed his powerful leg muscles. Among Monsters, the Frog-People were nigh-unmatched when it came to the strength of their legs, and Buff Frog was reputed to be amongst the strongest of his kind. As the others watched, Buff Frog got into the perfect squatting position. Then, with a single, powerful kick of his legs, he jumped high into the air. Higher than the treetops, even. Within seconds, Buff Frog was, but a twinkle in the distance as Dogbull and Ms. Quill watched in amazement. Boo Fly and Lobster Claws, though, just went giddy with excitement.
"Aww, yeah. He's still got it!" Lobster Claws squealed with glee.
"Aww, heck yeah! Buff Frog izzzz back!" Boo Fly proclaimed!
In a different part of the Forest, a lone Rat was walking along a dirt path, thinking about what it should have for dinner. That's when they were startled by rustling in some nearby bushes. Their survival instincts kicking in, the Rat began to back away from the source of the sound before getting ready to crouch down on all fours and scurry away as fast as they could. But it was already too late, though.
"Surprise!"
Jumping right out of the bushes, Buff Frog appeared before the lone Rat, taking them completely by surprise. Before they even had time to run or call for help, Buff Frog had them in a chokehold.
"Hahahahaha!" Buff Frog laughed as he watched the Rat try to squirm their way free. They even tried biting him to make him drop them, to no avail. Buff Frog's skin was too tough to be pierced by the likes of the Rat's teeth.
"Okay, little guy. You and I will have little talk and then-"
Buff Frog froze mid-sentence. Instead of looking down at his scared, helpless prisoner, he was perplexed to find himself looking at one of his precious tadpoles.
"What?"
Buff Frog felt confused. Why was he holding one of his tadpoles? They weren't supposed to be on Mewni; they were safe on Earth with the Prince and Karate Girl! Did one of them stow away on his tunic or follow him through the portal? How could he let this happen? As Buff Frog struggled to process everything that he felt, he didn't realize that he had dropped the Rat before it was too late.
The Rat, on the other hand, wasn't going to stick around long enough to find out what was going on. They quickly scurried away from Buff Frog as fast as their paws could go.
Then, as if his luck couldn't get any worse, Buff Frog's companions happened to arrive from the woods at that exact moment to see his screw-up.
"What the heck was that supposed to be?" Dogbull questioned in disbelief. "Baby oil on your fat fingers?" he added, letting out a barking laugh before he and Ms. Quill jumped into the bushes after the Rat. Now, it was just Buff Frog, Boo Fly, and Lobster Claws, who couldn't help but awkwardly stare at his longtime colleague in concern.
"Umm, Buff Frog. Did that juzzt happen?" Boo Fly questioned, his many eyes trained on the Frog-Man.
"Buff Frog, are you alright, man?' Lobster asked, equally worried.
"Uhhh..."
Thankfully, before the other Monster had to answer, Dogbull and Ms. Quill came back, the Rat in the former's arms.
"Look what I found in the Lost and Found, gentlemen," he said, holding up the Rat like they were a trophy. "Get it? Because he lost it," Dogbull pointed at Buff Frog, "and we found it!" Dogbull and Ms. Quill proceeded to laugh at his joke while the rest of them looked anywhere else to avoid the awkwardness.
Boo Fly couldn't help but feel more than a little worried about Buff Frog, though. Ever since he started being a Dad, he changed and gotten more emotional about everything. If this kept up, his reputation would be ruined and he'd never be able to find work again! As Boo Fly racked his brain trying to think of some way to turn this around, though, Lobster Claws surprisingly beat him to the punch.
"Hey, Buff Frog! Um, how about you show us your patented torturing techniques? That should help us learn what we wanna know!"
Seeing that Lobster Claws might be onto something, Boo Fly nodded his head to this. "Yeah, yeah! Thizzz guy izz a geniuzz when it comezz to torture! The bezzt in the buzzinezzz!" he bragged to Dogbull and Ms. Quill.
"Oh, now we're talking!" Dogbull shouted, now eager to see what would come next, while Buff Frog chuckled nervously. He felt thankful that he had brought his kit with him as the others tied the Rat down.
Taking a deep breath, Buff Frog reached inside his tunic and unfurled his torture equipment. It consisted of several sharp, blunt, and overtly dangerous-looking instruments, all intended to hurt whoever was on their receiving end. Buff Frog had used them for many years, and they had served him well on his missions. Now, it was time for them to put them to use once more.
"Oh, heck yeah!" "This is more like it!" Dogbull and Ms. Quill yelled as they saw what Buff Frog had.
"Ha-ha! I told you he wazz good!" Boo Fly said as he nudged Dogbull's elbow. Buff Frog got a serious look on his face.
"All right, little one," he said as he turned to look at the Rat, his face a mask of utter seriousness. "We will do this the easy way and the hard way. Easy for me," he clarified as he walked towards them with a scalpel/drill in his hands, "and hard for you."
The Rat struggled not to look scared, steeling their nerves for what was to come.
"Now then," Buff Frog said as he got right up in the Rat's face, looked them in the eyes, and brought the torture equipment right up next to them. "Where did you get the corn?" Buff Frog began to inch the tool closer to the Rat's nose, so close that it was ready to shear off some of its hairs. After that, he would-
Buff Frog blinked in confusion. Instead of facing the Rat, ready to be tortured for information, he found himself back home, ready to feed one of his tadpoles. This was the second time something like this had happened!
When Buff Frog blinked again, he was back in reality, still facing the Rat, which was now glaring defiantly at him. Buff Frog groaned in response.
"Hmmm...this Rat is not giving in as fast as I thought," Buff Frog quickly said, trying to cover up his episode. "Leave us. I will handle him alone."
"Awww, what? Why?" Dogbull complained.
"Trust me," Buff Frog quickly answered. "You are not going to want to see this!"
"Um, yes, we do!" Ms. Quill said enthusiastically. "This is getting good!"
Realizing that Buff Frog was having some...issues, Boo Fly sought to give his comrade the support that he needed in the only way he knew how. "
"No, no, no. Letzz, uh, leave the mazzter to hizz work. You know how artists are," Boo Fly quickly said, chuckling nervously.
Seeing that there was no way that any of this was going to work out, the other Monsters backed down and began to walk away, leaving Buff Frog alone with the Rat. Every Monster, except for Lobster Claws, who kept worriedly looking at Buff Frog.
"Uh, Buff Frog?" Lobster Claws asked as he walked towards his friend. "Are you good, man?"
What happened next might have been something that Lobster Claws didn't expect to see: Buff Frog dropped the torture tool to the ground and started whimpering.
"No! What is happening to me?!" Buff Frog said as he looked at his hands in a blind panic, then at Lobster Claws, and finally, the Rat. "I can't do this to them!" he tearfully said before gasping. "Wait, I know what you're both thinking!" he said before grabbing the Rat. "You think I'm soft because I have children now! You think Buff Frog has lost his edge, don't you?" Buff Frog then gave Lobster Claws a manic look in the eyes. "You think I've lost edge, too, don't you?" he accused, prompting Lobster Claws to throw his claws up in confusion and begin to back away slowly.
"No, no! I never said anything about that. I'm just worried about you, is all!" he frantically told his fellow Monster.
"There is nothing to be worrying about!" Buff Frog proclaimed. "I have not lost my edge! I cannot lose my edge! If I lose edge, then I cannot find work. If I cannot work, then I cannot provide for children. If I cannot provide for children, then tadpoles will starve and I will be horrible father!" As Buff Frog continued on his mental spiral, he didn't know what to do.
Once again, Lobster Claws had to uncharacteristically step up to the plate and help sort this out.
"Breathe, Buff Frog. Breathe. No one's going to think less of you for caring about your kids," he reassured the Frog-Man. "Just think about something that will help you to calm down, and everything will be fine."
"Da, da," Buff Frog said as he took a deep breath to mentally steady his nerves. "I just need to focus on something that soothes me...like my adorable little tadpoles," he said with a smile. "Oh, I know what we can do!"
"You think he got it out of that little Rat yet?" Ms. Quill asked aloud as they waited to hear back from Buff Frog.
"He better! Otherwise, this whole job's going belly-up like a beached Kraken!" Dogbull complained, much to the annoyance of Boo Fly.
"Truzzt me, guyzz. Buff Frog knowzz what he'zz doing," Boo Fly said, trying to reassure them all for the umpteenth time that day. But truth be told, he was starting to have doubts, himself. Buff Frog had let being a Father soften him. As much as he loved the guy, he didn't know how much longer he could keep covering for him.
That's when they all heard the sounds of squealing in the distance, coming from the direction that they left Buff Frog and the Rat in. And also Lobster Claws.
"Zee? What did I tell you?" Boo Fly told Dogbull and the porcupine-Monster. "He'zz got them right where he wantzz them."
Back with Buff Frog and Lobster Claws, the Rat was indeed being tortured by the Frog-Man. It just wasn't in the way that they were expecting it to happen. Instead of resorting to physical pain, Buff Frog had inadvertently taken a page about the demonic Human boy called Jonah Ordonia and resorted to psychological torture.
"Oh, and here we have little Nadia," Buff Frog said as he flipped through the photos on his mirror, looking at his adorable kids. "There ought to be law against wearing hat that cute," he mused as he and Lobster Claws looked at Nadia wearing a little bunny-eared beanie.
"Aww, she's so adorable, Buff Frog! You must be so proud," Lobster Claws told his companion.
"Yes, am very proud, Lobster Claws." Buff Frog happily said while the Rat continued to scream.
"Oh, you know what? Let's call Prince and Karate Girl now, do live chat with them!" Buff Frog then began to type in Comet's mirror number while the Rat wouldn't stop squealing. It just wanted this display of sugary affection to end already! It was worse than any form of torture it could ever hope to endure!
"It's ringing! It's ringing!" Buff Frog giddily declared. By now, though, he started to take notice of his prisoner still being present, and at this point begging to be put out of their misery.
"Oh, right," Buff Frog thought aloud. "We still on job," he reminded himself before getting up off the ground. He was about to get back to torturing the Rat (for his kids' sake) when he looked at just how broken the poor rodent truly was.
"Umm, Buff Frog? I think we broke them already," Lobster Claws noted. "What should we do now?"
Buff Frog pondered for a moment. On the one hand, he felt he should keep torturing the Rat to get them to tell him where they got the corn. On the other hand, they looked ready to crack as it was. That's when he got an idea.
"How about we make deal," Buff Frog said as he looked at the Rat menacingly.
"I'm telling you guyzz, Buff will have probably found all the corn by now," Boo Fly said as he led Dogbull and Ms. Quill back to where they left Buff Frog. They stopped dead in their tracks, though, when they saw that, instead of being tortured by their fellow Monster, Buff Frog was untying the Rat!
"Hey!" Dogbull shouted as he ran up to Buff Frog and Lobster Claws. "What the heck are you doing? Are you letting them go!?" he angrily demanded to know.
"Da," Buff Frog simply said as he removed the ropes. "Tortured them enough to get what we want. Now they will lead us to where they get corn...or else," Buff Frog looked down at the still-shaking Rat, who rapidly bobbed their head up and down in agreement. "Very good. Now lead," Buff Frog said as he pointed into the distance for everyone else to follow. Without a word, the Rat did as they were told, walking away while Buff Frog followed closely behind.
The others, though, just stood there, completely dumbfounded. What the heck happened while they were gone?
"Dude, Lobster Claws," Dogbull asked the other Monster, "what did he do to that Rat?" He had no clue as to what had happened, but he needed to know!
Lobster Claws looked back at the others, shook his head, and said, "You don't wanna know, man. You don't wanna know."
The other Monsters shuddered at whatever Buff Frog had done to the Rat. Boo Fly, on the other hand, looked pleased as punch over this.
I knew that Buff Frog ztill had it, Boo Fly thought as the rest of the group began to follow after Buff Frog and their prisoner.
The Monsters and their captured Rat trekked through the Forest of Certain Death for about thirty minutes before reaching a cliff that overlooked the Mewman Plains. Many years ago, this area was part of the Forest of Certain Death, but the Mewmans took over after arriving in the dimension. They wasted no time in tearing down the Forest and claiming the land as their own. Today, the Forest of Certain Death still exists, albeit much smaller than before, and surrounded by the Mewmans' territory. Most Monsters avoid entering this area as it is the site of their displacement.
Most Monsters weren't like Buff Frog and his party, though. Mewman land was the only place they could find the coveted corn, and that's where they would go! Sure enough, their journey bore fruit.
"Jackpot," Dogbull smirked, and everyone else smirked as well. Below the cliffs, on a dusty dirt road that ran across the Plains into the Forest of Certain Death, was a massive line of Rats, marching one by one up the road. Each and every one of those Rats had tied to their backs an ear of golden corn.
"Cornnn..." Lobster Claws could be heard drooling while Ms. Quill started to get her quills ready for battle.
In contrast to everyone else, though, Buff Frog kept a relatively cool head.
"This is not source, my friends. Is only supply route," he told the others before looking down at their Rat guide. "Right?" he said as he gave a threatening, half-lidded look. The Rat nervously nodded in response. "Good. We take Rats by surprise, then. Steal as much corn as we can, and then locate source."
"Zoundzz good to me, Buff Frog," Boo Fly agreed. "Monzterz, let'zz get ready for battle!"
Each of the Monsters began to pull out their various weapons as the Rat fearfully kept watch. Lobster Claws sharpened his claws, Ms. Quill began pulling out her quills to use as projectiles, Boo Fly pulled out a metal fly-swatter (ironic!), and Dogbull grabbed a nearby log to use as a makeshift.
As for Buff Frog, he pulled out...a pair of squeaky, baby toys that looked like bootlegged versions of Tickle Me Elmo and Kermit the Frog. Both of which started singing. Very loudly.
Morgan Freeman: It was at this point that he knew...he fucked up.
The other Monsters (and the Rat) stared at Buff Frog in disbelief. He had made a few mistakes since this job had started, but this? This was in a class all its own. Chuckling nervously, Buff Frog did everything he could to try and silence the toys, embarrassed that he had mistakenly grabbed them instead of his weapons.
"Shhh! Zip their pie-holes!" Dogbull hissed at Buff Frog, who, by now, had resorted to stomping on the toys to get them to shut up. However, because the Monsters were so busy focusing on the toys, none paid attention to their prisoner. With everyone focusing on Buff Frog, the Rat took the opportunity to make a break for it, scurrying down the cliffside towards their brethren. Once they got close enough to the convoy of Rats, the now ex-prisoner began screeching at the top of their lungs.
"*Raid! We're under attack by Monsters! Scatter!*" the Rat screamed as loud as possible. Word traveled fast through the convoy, and soon the Rats were all aware that they were about to be ambushed. Allowing their survival instincts to kick in, the Rats broke formation and began to flee in all directions, heading away from the Monsters as fast as their legs could carry them.
As Boo Fly watched in horror, the convoy, their only lead to the source of the corn, disappeared before his thousands of eyes. The Rats didn't even leave behind any ears; they'd been so thorough.
Buff Frog, meanwhile, was still trying to get the toys to quiet down. Finally losing what little patience he had left, Dogbull grabbed the toys out from under his feet and, with an audible growl, he threw them so far into the sky that they soon disappeared from view.
Buff Frog looked in the direction the toys had blasted off, then at Dogbull, and sadly said, "Those were Katrina's favorites."
"Zip it, Frog-Man!" Dogbull shouted, getting right up in Buff Frog's personal space as he grabbed his tunic. "This shit is all your fault! I knew that you'd gone soft from the moment I laid eyes on you! Now we're out of our prisoner and the corn they were carrying!"
"We were so close to payday, and you let it slip through our fingers!" Ms. Quill joined in to berate Buff Frog. "I can't believe we trust you with this job!"
"Hey! That's not fair! He did his best," Lobster Claws said, trying to defend his friend, only for Ms. Quill to turn her ire on him.
"And you! Shut your mouth, you overly-steamed, mediocre shellfish! If you and fatso were really the best that Ludo could afford to hire, then it's no wonder you guys got your asses kicked by a child!"
"...Mediocre?" Lobster Claws whimpered.
"Hey, hey, hey! That'zz enough, already!" Boo Fly said as he tried desperately to keep things from falling apart. "We gotta keep our cool and do this together."
"No, man," Dogbull rebutted. "We do this my way now. I can track those little bastards with my nose all the way back to wherever the Hells they came from!" Dogbull then let go of Buff Frog and looked at the rest of the group before saying, "Follow me, you guys, and we'll be swimming in corn by the end of the day!"
"Cornnn..." The mere idea of having that much corn to themselves was enough to make the Monsters mouths drool. And more importantly, sway their minds.
"Follow me, everyone, and we'll be feasting like Kings before the sun sets!" Dogbull said as he charged down the cliffside with the other Monsters following suit. As Buff Frog made to join them, though, Boo Fly held out a hand.
"No. Not you, Buff Frog. You can't handle thizz."
"What?" Buff Frog began to whimper. "But, Boo Fly, give me one more chance-"
"No, man," Boo Fly shook his head. "You already blew it big time, and I can't cover for you. Juzzt go home," he sternly told his old comrade before flying off to join the others, leaving Buff Frog alone with Lobster Claws.
"Lobster Claws?" Buff Frog whimpered, hoping that at least the good-natured crustacean would take his side. He could feel his heart breaking when he saw his fellow Monster give him a sympathetic look.
"Sorry, dude," Lobster Claws glumly told his friend. "I'll try and bring you back some." With that, Lobster Claws left to join the others, leaving Buff Frog alone to wallow in his misery. At that moment, though, his mirror-phone began to ring. Reluctantly, he flipped it open, and immediately regretted it. There, on the screen, was a photo of his precious children, fresh from taking a bath. Bright, colorful letters dotted the photo saying, "Good luck with your new job. We're counting on you!"
Whatever self-control Buff Frog had left evaporated as he fell to his knees and began to break down in tears.
Spongebob Narrator: Meanwhile...
Dogbull let out an audible gasp as they reached the end of the dirt road and found the source of the Rat's corn supply. "There it is!"
The Monsters had found the motherlode. Standing in the middle of the grassy landscape, beneath a towering Mewman castle was a field filled with row upon on row of golden corn. It was like looking at a picture of Heaven.
Each Monster began to drool at the sight of all that magnificent corn. Enough corn to set them up for years of good eating. Ms. Quill softly murmured something about being able to swim in ears of corn for the rest of her days.
Now abandoning all stealth with their end goal in sight, the Monsters ran across the field as fast as they could, all the while chanting "Corn, corn, corn!"
"I can already taste that corn, you guys! I'm drooling, I'm telling ya!" Dogbull gleefully said as they came within arm's length of their goal...
...only for it to be yanked away from them when they crashed against something, sending them tumbling to the ground in a daze.
"Wha?" Dogbull, the first to recover, got back on his feet and tried to reach the corn again, only to be met by the same invisible force keeping him from advancing any further. Scratching his head as he pondered this, Dogbull began to pound on the air in front of him. To his horror, he found his worst fears were true. Laying there, almost invisible to the naked eye, was a magical force field. It was the Mewman's first line of defense against invaders, and the perfect way to protect their crops without wasting time or manpower. Or pest-control.
"Nooo! Stupid Mewmans! We were so close!" Dogbull shouted as he kept pounding on the force field in vain. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he spied something. Near the base of the force field, hidden from Mewman view by stalks of their precious crops, was a small, green hole.
"*gasp* Green hole! There's still hope!" Dogbull frantically said. Reaching his arm through the hole, he was happy to see it was big enough to let him pass through. Unfortunately, his arm was the only thing he could fit in there. Worse, he was just out of reach of the corn. Nonetheless, Dogbull kept trying.
"You can't fit in there, man," Boo Fly noted. "You need to try zzomething zzmall-"
Before Boo Fly could finish his sentence, Dogbull grabbed him and tried to stuff him inside the hole.
"Hey!"
"Mmmm, corn! There's nothing like enjoying a delicious earful of corn on a beautiful afternoon," Lake Dragonfly said to herself as she sat by the balcony in her rocking chair. "This is the life!"
The Queen's musings were interrupted by the sound of something in the distance. Curious, she got up from her chair and began to look outside for whatever was making that noise. That's when she saw it. A bunch of low-down, no good, thieving Monsters were trying to sneak past their force fields and get their precious corn.
"My corn! I mean, my husband's corn!" Lake Dragonfly knew what she had to do.
"Come on, Boo Fly! Suck in that gut!" Dogbull grunted as he kept trying to shove Boo Fly through the hole in the force field.
"Hey, you freeloaders!"
The Monsters stopped what they were doing as they looked up in the direction the voice came from. That's when they saw a Mewman woman standing on a balcony, half-eaten ear of corn in one hand, torch in the left. And next to her was a full-loaded catapult.
"Stay away from my cornnnn!" With a mighty war cry, the woman then lit the boulder in the catapult on fire before launching it right at the Monsters.
"Incoming!" Ms. Quill shouted.
The good news was that the fireball didn't directly hit their group. The Mewman had the angle a little too high, so it overshot them.
The bad news? The bad news was that the fireball still managed to surround the Monsters in a circle of flames.
Morgan Freeman: It was at this point that she knew...she fucked up.
"Ah, phooey," Lake cursed as she saw how she almost set fire to the Dragonflies corn fields. Checking to make sure nobody saw what happened, she quickly slinked away.
"AHHHHHHH!"
As the Monsters watched in horror, they found themselves surrounded by flames. Before they realized what had happened, the fire had them trapped, pinned agains the magical force field.
"Boo Fly, get us out of here!" Lobster Claws hysterically cried out.
"I can't carry everyone! And even if I could, the zzzmoke's too thick!" Boo Fly frantically told the others as they fire began to inch closer and closer to them. "We're trapped!"
"No! I'm too young to die!"
"I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die like this!" Ms. Quill repeated ad naseum as she got into a fetal position.
"This might be even worse than death by boiling water!" Lobster Claws screamed in terror.
Then, just when all hope seemed lost, a miracle happened.
"LOOK OUT BELOW!"
Lobster Claws, Ms. Quill, Boo Fly, and Dogbull looked above their heads and saw, much to their astonishment, Buff Frog was descending from the heavens towards their shrinking sanctuary against the inferno. With great haste, the quartet got out of the way, giving Buff Frog the room he needed to make his landing.
"BUFF FROG! I thought you went home!" Boo Fly said, his eyes filled with so many tears of joy (or from the smoke), he could barely see.
"We are all going home." Buff Frog told everyone grabbing them all in a bear hug. "Hold on tight!" Then, with a kick of his powerful legs, he leapt into the air until they were far above the fire, before landing someplace far away in a massive, dramatic explosion.
When it was all said and done, the group got to their feet and took stock of themselves. They were all battered, bruised, and covered in soot. Buff Frog even got a few of Ms. Quill's quills lodged in his skin. But otherwise, they were alright...though Dogbull thought he lost an ab for a moment.
None of them cared, though, and they just wanted to do one thing: thank their savior, Buff Frog.
"Thankzzz, Buff Frog!" Boo Fly told him.
"I knew you had it in you, man!" Lobster Claws told Buff Frog.
"Thanks for saving us back there," Ms. Quill said.
"Oh, man! I had you pegged all wrong, Buff Frog," Dogbull said as he held out his hand. "I'm never making fun of Dad's again!"
"No thanks needed," Buff Frog humbly told everyone. "Was just doing job. Now, bring it in, my little pierogies!" Before anyone could protest, Buff Frog wrapped everyone in a massive bear hug. Not that any of them were complaining, and the Frog-Man had earned this.
Once that was settled and everyone calmed down, Boo Fly ended up bringing up the main issue.
"Um, guyzzz? I hate to be a downer, but...we didn't get any corn." Everyone got depressed when they realized this, and no corn meant going hungry again.
"True. We did not get corn, but mission was not failure," Buff Frog pointed out. "Now we know where Rats are getting it, and more importantly, we know of hole in Mewman Force Field that they do not know about. All we need to do is find way to get through, and we will be able to take as much corn as we want."
"Oh man, he's right!" Lobster Claws exclaimed. "When the other Monsters hear about this, they'll be so happy! We'll still be heroes!"
"Da, is true, comrade," Buff Frog agreed as he pulled out his scissors and opened a portal. "Now, I must get babies. But later, we will devise a plan to get past force field."
"Thankzzz for everything, Buff Frog!" Boo Fly happily told his friend.
"Daddy missed you so much, my little kreplachs!" Buff Frog said as he stepped through the portal, letting it close behind him, leaving everyone to smile in response.
"You know what? I'm gonna go call my Dad and tell him I love him," Dogbull admitted as he began to walk away. "If you guys need me, get in touch!"
"Well, if it's all right with you guys, I'm gonna head out. This job might have been a bust, but I'm willing to bet that there are more Rat convoys out there waiting to be hit," Ms. Quill then began to walk away, leaving just Lobster Claws and Boo Fly.
"I like them. They're nice," Lobster Claws admitted.
"Yeah," Boo Fly agreed. "Now let'zz get out of here before any Mewmanzzz shows up." With that, the two former members of Ludo's Army headed back toward the Forest of Certain Death. While the day hadn't gone as planned, they still considered it a win. But while they had learned much from today, it had also brought more questions than answers. Chief among them:
How did the Rats pull all of this off?
In a secret location, somewhere in Mewni...
In another part of Mewni, groups of Rats numbered in the hundreds were gathering upon a single location, an old mine long abandoned by the Mewmans that had first created it. Each of those Rats had on their backs or in their hands an ear of corn, all of which they had been ordered to bring to the one waiting within the mine. One by one, each of the Rats would enter the dimly lit caverns of the mine to deposit an ear of corn on the ground of the feet of their master, who sat silently atop his arachnid steed while a massive bird watched over him. He was clad in an old, discarded corn chips bag. In one hand, he held a strange rock clutched in between the skeletal hand of a deceased creature, at the center of which was a single, glowing crystal.
This was Ludo Avarius, Lord of House Avarius, soon-to-be King of the Monsters, and, if his plans went as he hoped, ruler of all of Mewni.
Oohhhh, snap! Ludo is back, and now he's building a new army!
Hey, guys, RJ Writing Ink here. First off, I wanted to apologize for getting out a day late. Truthfully, this was one of the harder chapters for me to write. I had to struggle to find ways to make this chapter work, because I already thought the original episode was pretty good. That's why it ended up taking me longer. That, and I was still distracted by Star Wars: Jedi Survivor. Which reminds me, I need to start New Game Plus already.
At any rate, I think that this chapter turned out rather well. It served as a chance to bring back some of Ludo's former minions and get us caught up on how things are going for them. It's also why I chose to include Lobster Claws instead of that turtle-bird Monster thing. I intend to, hopefully, include Ludo's former crew more in the story once things start to shift towards Mewni. This was testing the waters for it, really.
Now, on to
READERS REVIEWS
LockAndKey989-Thanks for noticing. I've been trying to remain consistent when it comes to developing Comet. As a character, he shares several Star's flaws that he needs to overcome. Unlike in the show, though, I make an effort to try and understand why Comet thinks the way he does. I thought the neglect he got from his extended family in the past would be an ideal excuse. I honestly don't blame him. I think many kids would grow up to be the opposite of what their strict families demand of them, if only to spite them. And while I respect Comet's desire to do his own thing, he needs to learn that there's a time and place for it.
Ted Glass-You're welcome.
mitaliarya8-Sorry, but no.
The Wandering Hippie-Comet's not really an anarchist. He just wants to make sure everyone can have fun. Because as far as he's concerned, a life without fun isn't life at all.
You know what to do: fave and follow this story, and follow me on Twitter (JZ-Gaming), Insta (RJ Writing Ink), and YouTube (Jungoguy)
See you guys in two weeks. We're getting to an episode that I've been wanting to do for a while now: Naysaya, MUAHAHAHAA!
