College is killing me but two more days till the weekend let's push through!
Enjoy!
The Long Way Home
Part 9
Frustrated
Chapter 1/3
Hopefully they would near a town soon. They had been walking for over a week without sight nor sound of civilized life and predicably this was having a big effect on both of them.
Sasuke needed his comforts every now and then as Naruto had previously noticed. Every so often he liked warm water and a proper bed and got grouchy and irritable when he went too long without. For Naruto who had no qualms sleeping comfortably even on a bed of stone this was not such an issue.
But something else was becoming a slight issue instead.
It was embarrassing to admit, but he was a healthy teen now fairly minimally stressed by circumstances and admittedly slightly frustrated by previous close calls with a person that would remain a nameless jerk.
Bluntly, he needed some private time to get something out of his system. And in a world now where there were no doors to lock it was either sneak away and run the risk of Sasuke coming to look for him or just plainly admit that he wanted to be left alone for a while.
So that night when they were setting up camp Naruto took a deep breath and announced he was going to the river to bathe.
"Okay, I'll come too."
If he wasn't morbidly embarrassed to begin with Naruto might have laughed at Sasuke's unknowingly unfortunate wording.
"Um, no that's okay. I know you were hungry so you should eat something first."
"I'm not that hungry," Sasuke told him pulling his shirt off and hunting around in his bag, probably for the soap.
"I want to be alone," Naruto blurted.
Sasuke stood back up and frowned at him. "You follow me around like an unrelenting cheerful shadow. Are you really implying that you're the one getting sick of me?"
"No of course not. I thought you'd jump at the chance to get rid of me for a while." Strangely this simple statement seemed to stump Sasuke for a while. Could it be that Sasuke actually wanted to spend time with him?
Over the past few weeks Naruto had seen a slow change in Sasuke from being an abrasive morose prick into...well he was still an abrasive morose prick most of the time but now added on to that was the occasional joke, smile or even laugh that he hadn't previously thought Sasuke capable of.
He figured it was just the relief for Sasuke to finally be in a position to not constantly torment himself with revenge or his past quite so much but it was also possible that perhaps Naruto was having a positive effect on him as well. Trapped together like this for so long constantly in each other's company and Sasuke either had to loosen up or kill him he supposed.
But whatever had bought on the change, the idea that Sasuke might actually want to spend time with him outweighed personal needs in a heartbeat. It wasn't like he was going to shrug off a positive change to their relationship just for a few minutes of happy time.
"But if you aren't that eager, you're welcome to come with," Naruto finished.
"I wouldn't want to force myself on you," Sasuke said acidly.
"Well that would solve both problems, " Naruto muttered to himself before realizing what he'd said.
"What did you say? And why have you gone red?"
"No reason," Naruto said brightly getting to his feet. "You coming or what?"
They stayed in the river like they usually did after bathing, just relaxing and unwinding. In fact they were both floating on their backs looking up at the stars all peaceful like until Sasuke said something That made Naruto falter and swallow some water.
"I'm interrupting your 'private' time, aren't I?"
So after Naruto had regained his feet and coughed up half the river he managed a, "What?"
"I just worked it out. You could have just said so."
"I wasn't, I didn't mean..."
"Want me to leave?"
"No!"
"You surely don't want me to watch?"
Naruto reached out and pushed Sasuke under the water.
Sasuke must have expected the reaction because he didn't come up coughing. He was giving Naruto a jerky little half smile.
"I'll take that as a 'no' then."
"Hilarious Sasuke," Naruto muttered wading back toward the bank. He sat in the shallows and stretched his legs out.
"Frustrated?" Sasuke asked joining him.
"A little," he admitted wondering how the fuck it suddenly became okay to be talking about this with Sasuke of all people. "You know it's partially your fault."
"How?"
He regretted bringing it up now. The kissing incidents hadn't been talked about again and Sasuke seemed to prefer it that way. But it had made it worse because he had never been in such a situation with anyone ever and even if they were weird moments in time with another guy, it still made him think of other things.
So instead of bringing it up, Naruto chose to lie.
"Since joining with you you've managed to talk me into pretending to whore myself out twice now. Seeing all those people at the party, makes you, ah, think about it. Didn't it affect you at all?"
"Not really."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "I forget sometimes that you spent most of your teenage years in a cave somewhere."
"Doesn't make me impervious to base urges. It just means I have more control than you. Sometimes."
Luckily Sasuke had added the last part or Naruto was definitely going to bring up the kissing incidents just to prove him wrong.
"Well whatever. Some of us are human and humans have needs. Not that I expect you to understand."
Sasuke turned to him. "I'm more human than you are," he told Naruto with a significant look.
Naruto ignored the look. "Hard to tell since most of the time you act like such an alien."
"So what, would it make you feel better if I started feeling myself up right now?" Sasuke asked with a smirk.
"No!" Naruto exclaimed trying very hard not to let that mental picture form. "Just admitting you have the urge is fine."
It took a few moments where Sasuke stared off over the river before he replied, "Alright, I admit it."
Naruto sighed and laid back. "Maybe I should go out and meet a girl. Can't be too hard."
"What? The sex or the actual picking up a girl?"
"I didn't mean it like that! But uh, I guess both. If it comes to that."
"And here I thought you were saving yourself for a special moment," Sasuke mocked him.
"Beats hiding out in the jungle somewhere knowing that you know where I've gone and why."
"I don't think having sex once is going to cure you of the need for that," Sasuke told him. "And who cares if I know? Would you care if I did the same thing?"
Naruto tried to picture sitting back at camp on his own while Sasuke disappeared. Knowing what he was doing, picturing it and...that's when he sat up very quickly.
What the fuck?
So he'd admitted to himself that the other night's drunken weirdness had affected him. He admitted that doing that with Sasuke in particular had affected him as well. But now was he actually maybe getting a little turned on by merely picturing him as well? That suggested a little more than hormones, a little more than close bonding, it meant that he really was attracted to Sasuke.
And okay, Sasuke was hot. Previous to now he'd felt that he'd only thought that about Sasuke in an observational way. Like you can tell if a guy is attractive or not by looking but it didn't mean you were attracted to the person yourself. But obviously he hadn't been paying that much attention because there was more to it ran that where Sasuke was concerned.
But then that hadn't been the question.
"Um, no, I guess not."
"Gee, that was convincing. Look, I'm going to leave you here for your alone time and go back to camp. The last thing I need is for you to become even more annoying by being frustrated."
Naruto wanted to call him back, tell him it wasn't necessary. It was embarrassing that Sasuke might know what he was doing out here. But he didn't. He let Sasuke go because now he really felt like he needed it after all. Now if only he could get that image of Sasuke to shift from his mind...
Sasuke walked the short distance back to camp with an odd feeling settling over him and he wasn't exactly sure what it was about. He just felt like something was a little off.
Perhaps he'd been too accepting of the whole 'private' time thing. Normally such a conversation would have been unthinkable to even voice let along give his rousing acceptance of. If such a thing had to be done, and Sasuke allowed that sometimes such things indeed had to be done, there was no way in hell he should want to know anything about it where Naruto was concerned.
He liked to think that he was just being mature about it. It was a fact of life, being disgusted about it was childish. But then that wasn't really his problem. He wasn't disgusted. In fact he'd been mildly intrigued that after the initial embarrassment, Naruto had been so open about it. Well Naruto being open wasn't the strangest thing in the world, but he wasn't immune to being embarrassed either. But that had only lasted a few seconds and then Naruto had opened up more.
And Naruto's conclusion? Get laid, apparently. Well he hadn't suggested exactly that, but he hadn't completely refuted it either when Sasuke had mentioned it.
The idea was ridiculous. Not that Naruto couldn't, but that he would. Naruto might be friendly even with strangers but being friendly was one thing, having sex with one was another thing. Naruto couldn't disconnect himself from his feelings, it was a trait that Sasuke often found increasingly annoying. But such a trait would never allow Naruto to have his first time with some stranger in some strange town he was likely to leave the next morning.
And then these thoughts bought up another troubling issue. If Sasuke felt Naruto was incapable of fooling around with strangers without having some kind of investment, what had been going on between them occasionally presented a weird kind of grey area. Well they'd only kissed of course so it wasn't really the same thing but Sasuke never got the impression from what Naruto had said that he was reacting to anything more than physical feelings.
So Sasuke was either the exception to the rule or he'd been reading Naruto completely wrong before now. He found that unlikely though. Naruto wasn't exactly a complicated enigma to him. And of course kissing someone was very different to having sex with them.
Sasuke had to roll his eyes that Naruto thought having sex would help him anyway. Even if Naruto could make himself have sex with a stranger it wouldn't give him any sort of long lasting relief and he hoped that Naruto at least took that part of their conversation to heart. And he certainly didn't need Naruto getting attached to some outsider just because he'd finally managed to lose his virginity to them.
Not that Naruto would go through with it.
It was stupid to worry.
Not that he was really worried.
Except about the headache it might cause for him.
Because that was the only reason it would bug him.
Sasuke sat down heavily on his bedding and tried to find the moment when this stopped being an amusing poke at Naruto and started becoming even something to bother thinking about in any deeper sense. After all it wasn't like he cared apart from causing any more possible problems for them.
Which it probably wouldn't.
Because Naruto would never...
He tried to imagine it, imagine Naruto getting up the nerve to even kiss some stranger. The only problem was that when he closed his eyes to focus that stranger started to look incredibly like himself...
He tried like hell not to let his mind wander again but it was tough going for him. He told himself it was because he'd never seen Naruto kiss anyone before so his brain was just filling in the blanks with the only person he had known Naruto to kiss.
Of course that didn't quite explain why he suddenly felt a little light headed, why his breath came out a little unsteadily, his belly tense or anything else just at the mere thought. But the more Sasuke's mind wandered, the more he ignored all those little things. It might have had something to do with a new direction his mind had taken.
He had told Naruto that he wouldn't care if Naruto took the time out to relieve his frustrations but that hadn't exactly been the truth. Oh he was all for Naruto taking the time to mellow a little but the knowledge of how he was going to achieve this was not something so easily shrugged off. Really it was pretty intimate knowledge to have, knowing what he was doing right now and Sasuke couldn't help but have those mental images start to overlap those of the kissing scenes already playing out in his head.
Therefore he almost jumped when he felt a hand slide down against his thigh. His breath caught and he stared down at the offending hand in shock.
It was his own hand.
Just what the hell was wrong with him?
He heard someone crashing through the bushes from the direction of the river and snatched his own hand away from himself so quickly he'd done it before thinking. He then proceeded to look as bored as he possibly could to hide whatever expression wanted to be on his face right now. Seconds later Naruto came back into camp proper and flopped face down onto his blankets.
"Feel better?" Sasuke asked as blandly as he could.
"Not particularly," Naruto muttered resolutely not looking at Sasuke.
Not that Sasuke really noticed, he was too busy trying not to look at Naruto either.
Naruto felt that he shouldn't feel embarrassed, that would be stupid. When he thought about it in a logical and rational way he realized they were both guys, they both had guy needs so Sasuke should realize that having alone time was a necessity, not perverted, it was just biology, right?
So why the fuck couldn't he just act like normal, like nothing had happened? And why was he spending the entire next day watching his feet as he walked, red faced and silent? Biology or not, understanding or not, he was embarrassed.
If it were any other guy they might understand. And even though Sasuke had seemed surprisingly cool about the whole incident Naruto couldn't help but feel that out of the two of them, he was the one being the deviant by needing his alone time when it seemed like Sasuke didn't.
Even after their talk, even after Sasuke had admitted to having the usual human urges, albeit slightly better controlled than Naruto, he himself hadn't once seemed to want to follow Naruto's lead, take some time to himself and relieve himself. Not once. Not even now apparently that it was all out in the open.
He might have joked to Sasuke about being an alien last night but he was seriously starting to wonder why Sasuke didn't need to go off and have his own private time. The idea was absurd. Every healthy guy needed alone time right?
It bugged him. It bugged him that it bugged him in the first place. But he couldn't help it.
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Sasuke watching him as they walked with a slightly annoyed expression on his face. It reminded him strongly of the day after the festival. Then Sasuke had been annoyed because Naruto hadn't been acting like himself, over-thinking things and generally being sullen. If he kept it up, doubtless Sasuke would get even more ticked off and he certainly didn't want to have to deal with that.
"You're red," Sasuke observed after a little while.
"Shut up."
Sasuke watched him for a few moments longer before suddenly smirking at him.
"You either got sunburnt yesterday or you've been blushing since last night."
"Godsdamnit Sasuke, just shut the fuck up!"
"It's almost sunset. After we make camp I could leave you alone for a few minutes if you need more private time.
It wasn't meant to be serious but being pissed with Sasuke usually bought up the want to take a swing at him. So he aimed a hard but playful punch at his friend only to have Sasuke duck underneath his arm and throw a foot out to trip him up. Not expecting the move, Naruto tumbled forward into the dirt. He rolled onto his back just as Sasuke squatted down next to him with his smirk still in place.
"Tense?" He asked almost innocently. The tone didn't work for Sasuke one bit.
Naruto didn't get up and just lay in the dirt and glared up at Sasuke. "I knew I shouldn't have admitted that to you. Sharing stuff with you is way more trouble than it's worth."
Sasuke's smile faltered a little at that and Naruto thought for a stupid moment that he might have inadvertently hurt Sasuke's feelings. But then he thought better when he realized how much Sasuke liked teasing him and how little regard Sasuke had for feelings in general.
But much to his surprise, Sasuke grabbed his arm and helped him to his feet. The pair started walking again and Sasuke didn't utter another word.
He wasn't sure when it had happened but somewhere along the way it had become common practice for Naruto to be the one to rub shampoo through Sasuke's hair every few days or so. It didn't go both ways because for one thing Naruto was thorough enough with his own hair to not need assistance and for another because he didn't feel the need to do it as often. But since Sasuke seemed so crap at the task himself Naruto just tended to do it without thinking these days.
Tonight was no exception. Naruto was already in the river washing off when he just barely managed to catch the bottle thrown his way. Sasuke waded in, dunked his head underwater and turned his back to Naruto like always. Naruto was halfway through the bizarre ritual when he realized how strange it seemed in that moment.
"How does your hair get so dirty it needs to be washed this often anyway?" Naruto groused as he worked the suds through the hair on the back of Sasuke's head.
"Who said anything about needing it?" Sasuke replied.
Naruto's hands stilled. "What? Didn't you used to wash it this often?"
"No. It's annoying."
"So why now?"
"Because now I don't have to do it."
Naruto almost in that moment gave into temptation to grab Sasuke's hair and try to drown the smug bastard. But temptation passed and he resumed what he was doing though perhaps a shade more roughly than before.
"So what, after this you want me to fetch some slippers for you and give you a shoulder rub?" Naruto asked sarcastically.
"Sounds good."
"I'm not your slave asshole!" Naruto snapped.
"You're the one that started this," Sasuke pointed out.
"Yeah well you're the one that doesn't like being touched. If your hair doesn't really need washing why did you..." Naruto stopped for a moment, his eyes widening slowly and his hands slowing down and falling from Sasuke's hair. "Ne Sasuke, do you actually like me doing this?"
It took a few long moments for Sasuke to react but eventually he looked around at Naruto with a frown. "No."
The problem was that Naruto didn't believe him. A slow grin started to form on his face. Could it be that the great Uchiha Sasuke had a weakness so innocuous as having his hair played with?
Sasuke saw the expressed and huffed, taking a step forward until Naruto grabbed his arms and pulled him back. Immediately Sasuke tensed but Naruto held onto him firmly.
He laughed. "That's priceless! You have a thing for having your hair touched, don't you?"
"No, let me go," Sasuke warned.
"Or what? I know I'm right. C'mon Sasuke admit it and I'll do it longer. I'll do it tomorrow night too okay?"
Sasuke stopped pulling against him and sighed. "Why do you care?"
"'Cause it makes you less of an alien," Naruto told him happily.
Sasuke probably thought he was out of his mind but he finally relaxed causing him to slide back against Naruto. Sasuke seemed not to notice but the soapy water trailing down his back from his unrinsed hair had made a slippery trail. When he slid against Naruto, Naruto sucked in a quick breath and grabbed Sasuke's hip to stop the movement.
This was too reminiscent of the day after the festival by far now and made even worse because of the soap trail. Sasuke's back was warm, firm and slick against his own skin.
Every small movement caused their bodies to slide against each other in what felt like an exaggerated manner because of the soap. Sasuke obviously hadn't realized what he'd done and looked around at him again with a raised eyebrow.
"What?"
"Um, nothing."
Okay, so maybe there really was something wrong with him. He'd thought it was frustration in general and maybe it still was. But it reminded him how much better it was to feel someone warm up against him and how it had felt to just simply be able to touch and kiss another person. Well okay, if he randomly kissed Sasuke he wasn't sure if it was likely to be reciprocated or whether he would get punched, but the skin on skin contact was frustrating enough anyway.
What he really needed at the moment was something to distract himself because his body seemed to really not want to step away from Sasuke this time.
"So are you going to admit it? If you don't, I won't do it anymore." Naruto asked in what he hoped was a calm tone.
"Okay fine, if it will shut you up," Sasuke relented a little angrily.
Naruto took the win for what it was but he was still a little too distracted to feel properly elated about it. Besides, he was beginning to have another problem, one that Sasuke was sure to feel if he didn't move soon. But when he finally went to step away Sasuke reached out and grabbed his side. Pulling him back before Naruto could stop him.
"Don't you dare escape now, not after making me..."
And that's when Naruto had an 'oh fuck' moment. There was no way Sasuke could have missed the feel of a half hard dick push up against him or the slightly indrawn breath behind him for that matter either.
Naruto didn't know what to do. There was one option, have a stroke, which seemed foremost at the moment. Especially as unmoving silence dragged on making him even more anxious. He thought for a while moment that he could just quickly move and pretend like nothing had happened with a brave smile and laugh. But it had happened, they both knew it and pretending it hadn't just wasn't going to cut it anymore. Instead he decided it was better just to give in.
He slumped a little, resting his head against Sasuke's shoulder in defeat.
"Don't."
Whether he was asking Sasuke not to do that again or just simply not to say anything even he wasn't sure. He was confused enough as it was, he really didn't need Sasuke's incessant teasing right now or his possible anger either.
Instead Sasuke turned, still very close with an odd sort of focused look in his eye. He seemed to be deciding whether to let it go or just be Sasuke instead.
Naruto watched wide-eyed as Sasuke sat and laid back in the water, rinsing the soap from his hair before standing up again. With water running down his body, hair plastered to his face, he stepped up close to Naruto, so close that Naruto could feel him press up against him very very faintly. He wondered why Sasuke would do that since he knew what would be pressing back.
"Fine. But tomorrow you have to keep your promise."
Too grateful and stunned for words Naruto just nodded and watched as Sasuke turned and walked away up onto the embankment.
TBC
