A/N- No warnings for this chapter, since it's EPOV.
I love to see how passionate you all are in the reviews! A few reassurances are in order!
This story will have a HEA, as long as it may take to get there, I promise I will not leave anyone suffering (except for those who deserve it of course). I know it can be frustrating to read, but Bella won't be getting better overnight. The road to recovery is long, full of potholes, closed lanes, and speed bumps, but know that we are on that road!
Additionally, I know we have basically no romance thus far. While I hadn't really planned for a slow burn, Bella is not capable of being in a healthy romantic relationship at this point in time, and I wouldn't want to downplay her trauma for the sake of romance. Luckily I haven't gotten any nasty-grams, you are all being so kind in the reviews and I am endlessly appreciative. Thank you to 2old4fanfic for writing my 100th review!
I didn't imagine I would be getting this much love on my very first fanfic, especially while it's incomplete, but I'm giddy with each and every new review!
Alright, after suffering through my long AN (or skipping it) I give you Chapter 10.
Edward
I groaned and rolled over in my bed. It was Saturday. Not quite morning, but not yet afternoon. The large windows in my room meant sleeping in was difficult, but I was nothing if not ambitious. Again and again, I closed my eyes, pulling the sheets over my head. Again and again, I found sleep no longer waiting for me. When the glorious smell of my mother's breakfast came wafting through the house, I decided to concede the battle for sleep, for now.
I rolled out of my bed and threw on some acceptable clothes. I went about my morning routine, sleep still in my eyes, despite it not being in my immediate future. As I began my descent to the kitchen, the smell of breakfast started to wake me up. If I were a cartoon, I would be floating down the stairs on the scent, my tongue hanging out. Unfortunately, when I made it to the kitchen, my cartoon self would have fallen onto his butt, the bubble bursting.
Emmett was sitting at the kitchen table, already in workout gear, shoveling eggs and bacon into his open mouth. I grimaced at his intensity, since the insatiable need for food seemed to linger in Emmett much longer than in Jasper or me.
"Why not just throw it in the blender and chug it down?" I grumbled, sitting down and grabbing some food.
Emmett pretended to think about it for a second and then shook his head "If I'm going to drink eggs I'll have them raw, but mom makes them so fluffy I'd hate to waste them." He shot a grin at our mom who smiled back and rolled her eyes.
"You look like you had a rough morning honey." Mom kissed me on the top of my head and gave me a little squeeze.
"Couldn't sleep," I said plainly, taking the first bite of my breakfast. It was kind of a lie. I slept… badly. Every time I tried to sleep, more and more obsessive thoughts floated through my head. Some were about Bella, of course, but any and every thought I wouldn't be able to ignore kept floating to the front of my consciousness.
The time I broke one of my mom's favorite plates and told her Emmett did it.
The time I wasn't paying attention when first driving and scratched my dad's car, and pretended I had no idea how it happened.
There were the numerous times I had accidentally walked in on Rose and Emmett doing… everything.
As that disturbing thought entered my mind again, I tried to make conversation. "So where is everyone else?" It was rare for my house of 7 people to be as quiet as it was. The TV wasn't on, no one was playing music in their rooms- not loudly anyway- and no one else was eating breakfast.
"Well Carlisle is at work, of course. Alice and Rosalie are on their way to Port Angeles, a favorite store of theirs is having a sale apparently, and Jasper has managed to sleep in even later than you it seems." She sat down with a steaming cup of coffee, her eyes sparkling with the thoughts of her family.
Esme had told us many, many times that she had always wanted a big, happy family. She and Carlisle married young, just out of undergrad, and began trying. Despite their efforts, they were unable to have a baby. They debated going on IVF, but decided that instead of spending the money on a chance, they'd rather spend the money on a sure thing. They soon began adopting, and got Emmett, Alice and me when we were young enough to not remember a time before them. It was why the three of us were more likely to call each other siblings, and to call them mom and dad. When we were around 8 we started to foster, and quickly Rosalie and Jasper came to us. When it became clear that their parents weren't going to ever get custody back, they became official members of the family.
Esme and Carlisle got the big family she had always wanted. We all knew that if we had the room, and we thought the dynamics would work, Esme would perhaps never stop adding to the family. She and Carlisle had always made it clear that none of us were related to them by blood, but that we were just as much family as anyone else.
We gently teased her about her "collection" habit. Any battered or broken thing that she thought needed love, was suddenly brought home. The house was covered in plants that had once been withering at a plant shop, but were now thriving under her loving watch. It was only due to Carlisle's severe allergies that we didn't have every pet from the local animal shelter. She was busy, despite having no official job. She refurbished broken furniture from local dumps or thrift shops, and either sold them or donated to local charities. She baked and cooked and cleaned, and all together took great pride in giving her family the life she thought we deserved.
Despite the very traditional roles our parents took, their approach to parenting was much different compared to that of my peers. While other kids had to sneak out to go to parties, or hide their partners, we didn't. And not only because the only taken people were dating, well, each other.
Our parents prioritized communication among all else. They told us that they could yell at us until they're blue in the face, and set down rule after rule, but kids were going to do what they were going to do. Their mindset was that they'd rather have educated and communicative kids, than rebellious and sneaky kids.
We all knew signs of alcohol poisoning, roofies, and other drugs. If we found ourselves in a situation where we needed help, they would help us first, and ask questions later. We didn't live our lives free of consequences though. Once when Jasper found himself gambling away his car keys at some random party, Carlisle came and bailed him out, buying the car back, but Jasper had to pay him every penny by working a part time job, and taking on extra chores around the house.
It made me wonder what Bella's parents were like. When she had moved away, her mother, Renee, had gotten married to a man named Phil, and Bella had really liked him back then. She always talked about how fun he and Renee were together. Maybe that was why she was so detached now, she missed her old life in Phoenix. But if that were the case, why was she here at all?
Maybe Charlie was super strict now? He had always seemed somewhat easy going when we were kids, but I never really talked to him. Maybe he was a hard ass now, the type to threaten any boy she brought home with his gun.
I knew there were parents like that out there, as crazy as it sounded. It wasn't a question to me that my parents would never act like that, though we never got a chance to find out for sure.
Rosalie and Emmett started to like each other when they were twelve, but they had tried to hide it from Carlisle and Esme for a few years. Eventually, once the rest of us had clued in, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme had a long, sit-down talk. Alice tried her best to eavesdrop, but she couldn't really make out what they were saying. All we know was that by the end of that conversation, Rosalie and Emmett were officially dating, and they had a new open-door rule.
A year ago, Jasper and Alice had the same conversation. They tried to hide it longer, but they were less sneaky than Rose and Emmett had been. We as a family endured a fair share of Alabama jokes at first, but no one seemed to mind too much. As other high school couples broke up again and again, my -er- siblings stayed together.
After Alice and Jasper had gotten together, my loneliness seemed much more evident, to me at least. Instead of functioning as a family who had different factions (Cullens and Hales, girls and boys, etc.) it felt like Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, and then there was Edward, all alone. I was fine with it, most of the time, but now that I was trying to escape my thoughts, it would have been nice to have people around more to distract me.
It used to be you and Bella all alone.
Yea, thoughts like that.
My day was luckily low on other thoughts of Bella… relatively. Compared to when I saw her in school and she flooded my mind. I found whole hours passing without thinking of her. When I noticed the hours passing, it again reminded me of her, and the clock would restart.
After those first days thinking I would blink and she would disappear, the permanence of her both comforted and worried me. If she was around now, I wouldn't have to worry about her leaving. But if she was around, I wanted to find a way to bring her back into my life.
Then I found myself desperate for a distraction. It was the first time I actually considered going out with the others to whatever meager nightlife the teenagers of Forks could scrounge up.
Emmett got up from the table, taking his plate to the kitchen sink. "Alright, back to training, thanks mom." He grinned and left again, on his way to some workout or practice.
The remainder of breakfast passed with a comforting silence, since Esme knows I require a bit more time to turn on my brain. When I was done, I helped her clean up the kitchen, packing away leftovers for the next time Emmett needed to quickly fill his endless void.
I spent the lion's share of the day trying to complete my homework, and while Bella-thoughts didn't distract me too much, I was still unable to focus. I turned on music, tried to distract myself with my phone, and seriously considered going on another drive.
On what seemed to be my thousandth trip downstairs for a glass of water, I heard Esme talking on the phone, now home from the grocery store. She was speaking in a hushed voice, which immediately made me stop on the stairway. I wasn't normally someone who eavesdropped, not like Alice, but when I heard what she was talking about I couldn't help myself.
"Yes, Bella." There was a pause, and I could tell she was talking to Carlisle, she seemed to only ever call him when she had that worried tone. "She looked like a husk, it took everything in me to not bring her home right then and there." another pause. "I know, I know, but you didn't see her Carlisle, if any of our kids looked like that I would immediately sign them up for therapy, and probably an eating disorder support group." She said the last part in a near whisper, and it was only by sheer luck I was able to make it out.
As upset as I was, her words somewhat comforted me. I wasn't going crazy or being way too over-protective. Even to Esme, Bella looked like something was wrong. Unfortunately, it also meant some of my worst fears were confirmed. If Esme could see it too, there really was something wrong. It triggered that box-of-kittens sensor in Esme. It scared me.
Afraid to hear anymore, I resumed going down the stairs, though I made sure to be as noisy as I could. Mom quickly ended the call and smiled at me. She sent me back upstairs with a full glass and a small snack, and I resigned myself to ignoring my work, aiming for an entirely thoughtless rest of the day.
…
Sunday afternoon, after I had managed to scrape together my remaining homework, I laid on my bed, trying to keep my mind occupied with a book I had read a dozen times.
A soft knock sounded from my bedroom door, and without waiting for me to answer, Alice entered my room, she smiled at me and closed the door behind her, flouncing onto my bed beside me.
"What do you want, Alice?" I tried to not look at her, worried her scarily perceptive eyes would catch something in them.
"I wish you wouldn't groan so loudly, it's disturbing to imagine what could be causing it."
"I'm not groaning," I grumbled, pretending to keep reading my book.
"We share a wall." she stated, matter of factly.
I groaned, just as she had said"Don't remind me! I don't need to hear my brother and my sister going at it like that." I teased her, and I received a pillow to the face.
"If you don't shut up I won't help you with Bella." she held another pillow at the ready, prepared to attack, should I make another crack at her expense.
Of course, I didn't. I froze when she brought up the B word. Uh, name. "What are you talking about Alice?" She rolled her eyes and threw the pillow at me anyway, which I knocked to the side.
"I'm talking about getting you and Bella together again, obviously."
I scoffed at her.
"Don't meddle, Alice. She and I are different people now, we probably wouldn't even get along now if we talked." It was hard to get those words out. I knew trying to get her to not meddle would be nearly as hard as trying to keep myself away from her, but I couldn't admit it.
I worked hard to contain the frustration I was feeling. "I don't know, Alice, maybe because her last words to me involved mocking me and telling me never to call or email her again."
Unphased by my words, Alice just stated, "But she never said anything about talking, let alone texting." There was a huge part of me that wanted to kick her out of my room and mope in solitude, but I secretly wanted her to get her way. The pull I'd felt towards Bella was undeniable, and it had nearly killed me to not try to really talk to her in biology. In all the classes we had together, I hadn't heard her voice, not even a hint of it. The need to hear her voice again was stronger than nearly anything. She wouldn't sound like she had when I had last heard her, though I wondered if I could even correctly recall what she had sounded like.
"Hello, Earth to Eddie boy." My rumination was rudely interrupted, as Alice snapped her fingers in front of my face.
"Don't call me that," I said on instinct, waving her fingers away. When my eyes refocused on her, she was smirking.
"Edward, I know you think that, but I remember you and Bella as kids. You guys were so close, it was like you were the source of each others' sunshine. I think you both could use some of that sunshine back again." While she had started with an attitude, her tone changed, becoming more serious towards the end.
"You see it, too?" I didn't look at her this time. I was desperately hoping she would tell me I was making things up, maybe being too judgmental, too worried about a girl who might as well have been a stranger to me. I hoped beyond hope that Alice would tell me Bella seemed just fine, like a normal moody teenager, much like another teenager she knew. I just wanted Bella to be okay. However, judging by the silence Alice left, I knew that wasn't the truth.
"Do you think she's just depressed? It's not uncommon, not to mention she just moved in the middle of the semester, hundreds and hundreds of miles from her mom and friends," Alice suggested, and while it all made sense, something about it just felt wrong. Of course, Bella had come at an unusual time, which usually didn't bode well for a smooth transition.
"Maybe, but it doesn't feel like enough. She seems like a shadow. She talks to Angela and Jessica and the rest, so it's not like she's isolating herself, but she seems so… absent," I trailed off, stuck in my own thoughts instead of sharing them, but Alice didn't seem to mind.
"Well, I have a plan, and I think it'll help you and Bella." Alice looked proud of herself, and I was almost afraid to ask what she had planned, but for Bella's sake, and for mine, I did.
"Alice, what scheme are you coming up with?"
"Well, I figured I could solve this with some good old-fashioned texting."
A/N- ok so not the most happening so far. You'll have to forgive me if I avoid writing EPOV too much, I find him a bit boring right now, Bella is just so much more interesting. Additionally I'd like your opinions. Do you really like EPOV, should I try to give him his time? Do you like the once a week posting? Or would you be happy to get them randomly whenever the next chapter is ready? Are shorter chapters annoying? Do you hate this long-ass AN?
I'd love to hear from you in either a review, maybe even a PM if you have a whole lot extra to say, let me know!
