CH. 8 Man Of Tomorrow


Shinji had been laying in his bed for a while now, softly pressing an ice pack against the bandages wrapped around his chest. It had been like this every night since he had returned from the hospital. He had needed to get small skin grafts directly where the Angel's attack had struck him. When the memories of that day returned, the burning normally only in his wounds spread throughout his whole body.

This was one of the nights where it started up while he tried to sleep. The music in his SDAT did little to calm or clear his mind when the pain constantly kept his mind rooted in the present, grim present reality.

'What happens to Asuka in the future?' It was a simple question he realized he had never posed to his father. He didn't know why it was so important, especially since the last Angel was so different from what he had heard. His father was probably right when he said most of what he knew was useless. That didn't mean that what happened in his time, couldn't be similar to his own future. He knew he wasn't telling the entirety of whatever happened to him and the others. Pretty much everything at this point from the man sounded to him like a half-truth or lie.

Shinji was fed up. He'd been gracious and not pressed his dad for fear of upsetting him, but at this point he didn't care. He showed up inside his head, ordered him around like a servant and still acted like was smarter and knew everything better than he did. Shinji knew he wasn't the smartest, but contrary to what he had been told, he knew he wasn't an idiot. After weeks of this treatment, he felt the rising tide of frustration and anger finally bubble over.

'I know you heard me!'

'Don't you remember when I first appeared? I told you I can't just tell you every-'

'I don't care! Tell me what you're hiding from me!'

'Calm down, I am not hiding any-'

'That's a lie! I'm not stupid father! Tell me the truth!'

'Fine, you want the truth? Are you absolutely certain you would like to know what happens to the Second Child? I was going to wait until the time was right, but if you want to behave childishly, feel free.'

'Yes! Tell me! I believe I am entitled to the truth! You don't get to decide what I need to know! '

'Fine, don't say I didn't warn you. I was monitoring the attack on NERV before I met my end. One of the last things I heard was this, Asuka dies in the future'

Shinji felt his heart crumble a little at this revelation. He didn't know much, but he did know one thing. Asuka was incredibly strong and determined if something could kill her. He's toast. 'No! She dies!? What!? How!?'

'As do I and everyone else at NERV, After defeating the last of the Angel's we were betrayed by our human allies. She was killed defending NERV from a conventional assault'

The words came out so casually it took him a full few minutes to truly understand the gravity of the statement.

'Everyone at NERV…...I know a normal army has as much a chance at defeating an Evangelion in open combat as I do. What really happened?'

'Seele had their own mass produced Eva's, and they overwhelmed her. Katsuragi reported taking you to Unit-01, but you never joined the battle. Based on the reports, she fought heroically to stop the third impact until her unit was destroyed by the Eva series'

This was not going how he thought it would. Every answer he got brought another dozen questions with it. 'What!? Why would that stop the third impact? I thought that was only possible if the Angel's won. 'What's SEELE?'

'Seele is a secret organization made up of the leading members of the capitalist class afraid to let their unjustly accumulated power go. They control the UN and NERV. They are a committee of selfish arrogant fools who think they can become gods through human instrumentality. Their plan is to do this with the Angel contained within terminal dogma.'

'NERV solely exists to destroy the angels! I've been told that since I got here and there's been one in the basement the whole time!?'

'Yes, Lilith, bearer of the fruit of knowledge onto earth, She's the reason the Angel's attack on Tokyo-3 and the reason humans exist'

'All of humanity is just the creation of an Angel!? Then why are we constantly trying to destroy each other!?'

'No, humanity is not just the creation of an Angel. Humanity is the 18th Angel. We all possess the AT fields that maintain us as individuals. As for why we fight, that's simple, The Angel's attack and we defend.'

'Okay, that's insane, but I still don't understand why anyone would want to kill off all humanity in a third impact? This doesn't seem like an apocalypse. You can survive just by being stupidly rich can save you from. '

'Mankind doesn't all die necessarily. The boundaries that separate one person from another are destroyed. The fundamental emptiness that exists with all man would be filled, no more suffering, no more death. A perfect artificial paradise. Where theoretically whoever is put in charge of instrumentality will be a new man made god. Made to rule over the next golden age of mankind.'

'So humanity survives, but all the actual people in it don't. That doesn't sound like any sort of paradise to me'

'Perhaps, I believe it is all a matter of perspective.'

Shinji lost track of how many tears had fallen at this point. At some point, he had curled up into a ball, the weight of his father's words literally making him feel physically weak and ill.

He dragged his tired body out of his room and strolled over to the balcony, hoping the fresh air would make him feel better. The cool night air only made his eyes sting, and he slunk back down onto the ground. Gripping onto the railing until his knuckles turned white.

It was all his fault. Of course it was. He's not a hero. If he was the one out in charge of saving the world, it makes sense. He failed so spectacularly as to doom his whole species. Humanity was really putting its worse foot forward if he was supposed to be their champion.

'Why didn't I do anything? Why did I just let them all die!?'

'By that time, you had given it up'

'GIVEN UP!? GIVEN UP WHAT!?'

'Life'

'So that's it!? After everything that happens? I just let everyone die!?'

'Yes'

'So, does that mean that the third imp-'

'Correct'

His father's voice was barely above a whisper in his head, yet it silenced him with ease. The burning flame in his chest turned cold and moved down to his stomach. Before he could even think of holding it down, he was retching over the balcony railing. There was nothing in his stomach after the first few heaves, but it felt like his body was desperately purging itself.

Shinji felt as if someone had just rested the weight of the entire world on his shoulders. Then just for fun shot him in the kneecap. Staring out at the glowing lights of the city contrasted with the darkness of the late night. The fresh air did little to help the feeling of despair clawing at his heart. Secretly, he knew this was what would happen. Shinji knew happy futures didn't send people back in time to prevent them. He made a decision. He couldn't run away anymore, not from the truth, not from the future, and especially not from his father.

His fish clenched consciously to stop it from spasming and tightened his fist until it began to hurt and he felt his racing heartbeat slow. He thought about Misato's laugh when she teased him and the warm smile that always went with it. Shinji remembered 3 boys sitting around a campfire, chomping away at freshly made food, smiling and joking. He thought about waking up before his alarm, a stranger in his futon with a rare, unguarded smile, impossible to forget. He thought about a quiet and stoic blue-haired girl, her entire expression lighting up at a simple clumsily delivered compliment.

He felt his nails breaking skin and drawing blood and winced from the fresh surge of pain red when looking at the new wound. His breathing was normal now, and his eyes were now beginning to dry.

'How do I stop it from happening again?'

'You can't'

'What do you mean I can't!?'

'There are some things in this world that are guided by fate. You can't change it no matter how hard you struggle or fight'

"You're LYING! I can't run away! What about Asuka, Rei, Misato, my friends? They don't deserve to die! I won't let them!" Shinji's first attempt at speaking all day ended disastrously. It ended with him hacking and massaging his aching throat.

'Believe what you must. You wanted answers, and I have given them. It is not my responsibility to make them the answers you wanted to hear'

'You're a literal time traveler! How can you of all people say we can't change the future!? Did you seriously travel through the barriers separating time and space just to complain at me!? Why bother coming back at all, then?'

'Do you think I was sent back with an instruction manual? Events so far have transpired differently enough from what I know to make anything I say questionable. Seele has been planning their ascension to godhood for decades before you and I were born. They have contingencies upon contingencies to ensure that nothing can prevent it from happening.'

'Difficult is not impossible! We have to find a way, I can't accept anything else! We'll tell the media! Get the story out. Once people know about this stuff, we can put a stop to it!'

'Who do you think owns the media, Santa Claus? All that would do is vindicate a few conspiracy theorists and waste inordinate amounts of money and some of the less wise journalists' lives.'

'So you're saying it's pointless to do anything!? I should just curl up in a ball and wait out the apocalypse? Or throw myself off the balcony for the same experience?'

'At no point have I once said it was pointless to try. I just do not wish for any false hope to exist about the chance of success. You'll need my help'

'For some reason I get the sense you're not talking about the you I'm conversing with right now.'

'I had said earlier you'd have to bide your time until you could move Rei into a more suitable apartment. This is that time'

'What are you planning?'

'I'm not planning anything. Seele in the next few days will send in a squad of their best elite wrecking crews to sabotage NERV's power with help from some of the moles inside NERV. The commander is unaware and will remain so until the power is cut and an Angel attacks. Alerting him of the attack would give that person considerable leverage. With that, bargaining power with the commander if someone were to play their cards right.'

'Won't he just think I'm a mole or a spy for Seele? He has no reason to believe me and I have nothing to prove my story'

His father's laugh was nothing like the chaotic and uncontrolled outburst he'd seen before. That was a surprise. Behavior that seemed so uncharacteristic of the man that claimed to be his father. This time it was cold, calculated, done with deliberate intent, but none of the joy laughter should have.

'He will not suspect that if he's sane, he also has no reason to suspect you'd lie or fabricate a story like this. Credible or not, he should know at this point in time Seele is looking to humble him and ensure they can handle it if he goes rogue. Regardless of his own feelings on it, he'll guard the power supply more closely and when you're proven correct, you'll be under suspicion. Correct, you'll just have to be careful. You'll be helping him and ensuring the balance stays in his favor for longer. You'll also add a level of unpredictability to his plans. It can be said with certainty that he won't like that and will try to rectify it if he can. I suspect you'll have no issue avoiding conflict and acting subservient in person, so he'll likely feel no need to take action immediately.'

'Isn't it kinda weird to talk about yourself in the third person?'

'Isn't this whole situation kinda weird?'

I let out an uneasy smile at the moon glowing above. "Yeah, yeah, it really is, isn't it?"

"Shinji? I thought I heard you talking to someone out here. Is everything alright?"

He hadn't heard Misato open the balcony door or approach him. Usually he could hear her thundering footsteps way before he actually saw the women. He wiped his face with his sleeves to hide his tears and quickly mustered his best fake smile, knowing internally that it still looked as hollow as he felt.

"I'm fine Misato, I just had a bad dream, I'm sorry for bothering you"

"Don't apologize, I'm just glad you're alright," she yawned and rubbed her eyes before tiredly dragging herself off the balcony. "Promise me you'll get some rest and not stay out here too long? It's a bit chilly at night and I don't want you catching a cold."

"I'll be inside soon Misato, I promise...I needed some fresh air, I guess." The warmth and affection her sleepy, slurred voice held made the next smile he gave her real.

"G'night Shinji.'' His guardian stopped at the doorway, yawning more forcefully and tousling his hair before plodding off back to her room. Stopping to pick up and cradling a half asleep penguin in her arms along the way.

He watched the stars for a long time, thinking about what he should do next, feeling like he had been told to climb a mountain using his eyelids. An errant thought appeared, wondering if his father, the alive one, looked at the same stars and thought the same thing he did. It was a stupid thought, the all knowing and all powerful Gendo Ikari never hesitated.

The commander never stayed up at night wondering how many civilians were killed in the collateral damage he caused while fighting in a war he never asked to be in. He has not once been so angry at the world for refusing to let him live a pathetic life and die a pathetic death like he knew he deserved. He certainly never spared a thought for the broken people and relationships left in the wake of his actions, so why should it bother him so much?

Shinji went to bed but still didn't sleep, laying above his covers and staring at the familiar ceiling. His hands rubbed over the surface of his SDAT. He wanted nothing more than to escape his current reality to a world where only the music existed. It wasn't possible anymore. It didn't matter how loud the volume was. Even if he hurt his ears, his new world was just too chaotic and stressful.

As if the Angels weren't a big enough problem. Now there was a bunch of evil rich men who wanted to end the world in their own scheme to become god. The universe clearly decided he didn't have enough on his plate at the moment.

Shinji couldn't run away. For once, the usual impulse to sprint literally or metaphorically from anything unpleasant hadn't kicked in. He was afraid absolutely. He was so afraid he knew for a fact if he did sleep; it was gonna be with the lights on. More than afraid for once, though, he was mad, really mad. It was just his luck as soon as he finally kills all the Angels and never has to see a stupid Evangelion again. He loses everything. Maybe that was his repayment for staying a coward till the end. The people he knew, Asuka, Rei, Misato, his friends. They were good people, innocent people, people who didn't deserve to suffer because of his own personal weakness.

He knew in the end, it was selfish. The people he knew were only a drop in the ocean of humanity that would suffer because of him. His brain couldn't fathom that many people and having that much blood on his hands would kill him, literally. At the end of it all, no matter how he justified it. He was doing it mostly for his own benefit, like he always did.

There was no choice, not really. Not when the alternative was giving up and everything and everyone he had come to know in this strange new world. The train from his uncle's house had taken him. He regretted letting these new people so quickly into his heart, but he already knew losing even one of them would be more than he could bear.

He'd have to keep piloting Eva, keep suffering and putting himself in more danger if he wanted to do anything for anyone. He hated doing it, hated the pain it caused him and others, but he hated even more the feeling of being completely helpless.

It was pretty helpful to have an exterior force to blame for his circumstances. He didn't hate anyone, even people who'd wronged him personally. These 'people' behind Seele weren't just willing to kill everyone he cared about to achieve their insane goal. They were willing to kill everyone everywhere for their perceived betterment. And that really pissed him off.


Asuka hated a lot of things, let's be honest, she hated MOST things. She was a smart girl, after all, with a near perfect memory to recall all the things that annoy her. On top of that, she had a nose for lies and bullshit that could put a bloodhound to shame.

She hated all the girls her age, smiling to each other while talking during class, then splitting off afterwards to gossip and say bad things about people they'll claim to be friends with. Not even mentioning half of them were boy crazed tramps tittering like little schoolgirls when they talked about going out with some pervert.

She also hated the stupid boys in her class. Telling each other the lamest jokes they can think of in between endless sessions of stupidly gawking at every inch of female flesh in eyesight. When they left their piles of meaningless letters and hearts in her locker, she collected them. Not because she liked any of them, she just felt the only way to dispose of filth like that properly was to burn it, maybe dance on the ashes for good measure.

All these different factors and groups were conspiring to make her angry. When you were constantly angry, even if it's completely and totally justifiable anger, you need to vent it at some point. She enjoyed physical exercise to use her negative energy for something productive. Being the cream of the crop of Eva pilots meant maintaining physical excellence at all costs. She thought it was much better to do that than just sit around moping all day like a certain Third Child usually did.

She was beginning to think of adding running to her hates list. Her recent stunt in signing them both up for the relay race had been meant to humiliate and get back at him for taking her spot at number one. At first, it had been an astounding success, with a slight hiccup. She didn't want to kill the boy, just emasculate him a little and prove without a doubt that she was the superior pilot.

What had not gone into her plan was Shinji's natural aptitude for running. After the initial rough starting period, he had quickly matched Asuka's own pace and stay on his feet the entire time they trained. This infuriated her to no end. Once again, the hapless Third Child had been thrown into a situation without his choosing. Stuck doing something he loathed around a person he probably hated and by some divine joke he was naturally gifted and excelled at it. She wanted to plant her fist right in that perpetually frowning face of his. Instead, she settled for glaring at him whenever he glanced over at her.

'What do YOU, of all people, have to be so unhappy about, huh!?'

'If it annoys you so much, maybe you could cheer him up?'

'Ha! In his dreams! I don't know what his problem has been lately, nor have I spent any of my time thinking about it.''

If she was to be completely honest, she preferred it when he was acting all mad and irritated. That was at least somewhat entertaining. If only because it was so at odds with the usual behavior of a doormat that was his default.

The whole puppy on the side of the road routine is just annoying. It was probably just some long con to get more sympathy for his tragic hero act. Maybe make her feel guilty for not joining the conga line of sycophants thanking him for his 'service'.

'You did never pay him back for saving you from that Angel. If you want him to stop frowning, keep his mouth busy'

Asuka abruptly stopped running and grabbed the sides of her head, trying to physically shake the vile, perverted thoughts from her head. When it didn't work, she waved her hand at Shinji and gestured for them to take five.

Shinji was already terrible at making conversation with the added strain on his lungs; there was only silence and heavy breathing between them. She was glad for once. She needed to get to the bottom of these intrusive thoughts relating to the Third Child. They'd only gotten worse since the 'incident', as she was now calling it. She'd been on guard all week, waiting for him to bring it up and tease or mock her relentlessly for being a child curling up in his arms to sleep at night. It never came and with that went any chance of ever discussing it. She sure as hell wouldn't, and she guessed he was too afraid to bring it up to her.

She knew why it happened. She'd always been a restless sleeper, IF she could ever manage getting to sleep. Her nightmares always involved running either towards or away from something. She moved so much in her sleep she'd almost installed a guardrail on her bed back in NERV Berlin.

If it had died a death and was only to exist as a memory, Asuka supposed she could let it be a pleasant one. She'd had the best sleep in years, since she'd first discovered over-the-counter sleeping medicine. Now she could probably drink a whole bottle of them and run all day. The stupid things did so little. She'd gotten so used to 3 or 4 hours of uneasy sleep a night she'd nearly forgotten what it felt like to be actually well rested. It was nice.

She pulled herself out of her thoughts and looked over at the boy in question. He had that same far off look in his eyes while he stared absentmindedly while chugging his water bottle. His whole body glistened with sweat and his partially formed muscles were bulging with every small exertion he made while moving. His tank top and running shorts clung tightly to his entire body, damp with moisture. Her eyes felt magnetically drawn below his neckline, inevitably dropping even lower and 'examining' the obvious bulge in the front of his shorts.

Asuka's entire body started feeling hot in a familiarly pleasant way and she found herself unable to tear her eyes away from the sight before her.

'Oh no, he's hot!'

A shot of fear coursed through her when he looked up to meet her gaze with a quizzical look of his own. She was relieved when he held up his phone and pointed at it. She squinted her eyes and saw why he did it. The digital clock showed it was almost the end of their PE time, and Asuka sighed inwardly in relief, as usual he seemed completely oblivious.

"Who cares if we're late? You really think that prehistoric dinosaur of a teacher will notice if we don't show up exactly on time? I don't even think he knows where he is half the time."

"That's true, and I think Hikari's absent. So we probably won't get written up….. " His eyes kept nervously darting to the pavement at her feet, only meeting her gaze for a few brief moments. "Are you feeling alright, Asuka? Your face is really red"

"Of course I am! I'm just hot, that's all" The genuine care sounding in his stupid voice did nothing to help the situation. She was pretty dehydrated and worn out from the running, but she knew that wasn't why she was panting and out of breath.

"I c-can see that, you're right"

Asuka's face lit up in a predatory smile as she pounced on the opening left in his clumsily stuttered out words. "Oh my Third Child, are we trying flirting now? I didn't think you had it in you, but I've definitely heard worse lines."

She walked back to the school with noticeable pep in her step, a stupid grin plastered on her face. Leaving in her wake, a boy turned into a red tinged stuttering and apologizing mess, barely able to string together a coherent sentence.


"Asuka, you finally crossed the threshold for 70% congratulations on the new record and keep up the good work."

"Just what I was waiting to hear! About damn time!" Shinji wanted to tell Asuka she didn't have to yell for the Microphones in the entry plug to work. Wisely, he decided to avoid voicing that thought. She probably knew that and didn't care. "How close am I to the top? That leads gotta be narrowing."

Shinji winced in anticipation. Already knowing they were bad from the strange questions he was asked and the multiple times he was told to focus and try to clear his mind. Like it was just that easy, maybe for normal people. They don't know with near certainty that an Angel is arriving tomorrow, that he'd have to fight. Whether he wanted to or not. That's not even mentioning the knowledge that eventually you'll screw up so badly you nearly cause the death of your species.

There was also his incoming conversation with his father, weighing heavily on his mind. He was more used to the idea of talking to the enigmatic man, but actually speaking the words and looking at him face to face still filled him with dread. It was tinged with a guilt that he hadn't been able to elude all this time. He didn't think he was a dishonest person and tried to tell the truth as much as he could. Actively going out of his way to hide information or tell a falsehood was another new scary experience to add to the pile. The stakes already having been made painfully clear of what will happen if he fails or runs away from what's in front of him.

"Be careful what you wish for Asuka or you just might get it. Shinji's synchronization rate is currently at 72%, his leads gone down to only two points. You could overtake him in the next test if he doesn't improve."

"Sorry Ms Ritsuko, I'll do better next time. I just have a lot on my mind lately."

"Don't beat yourself up about it Shinji, everyone has bad days sometimes"

"Has the Invincible Shinji finally lost his nerve? What will the world, and especially us fair, innocent maidens, do without our noble hero? God forbid the person with the most training and experience should hold the top spot."

"Alright Asuka, I get it."

"Do you!? Do you, really!? I don't think you GET anything! You wanna know why?"

Her voice turned sickly sweet at the end, lowering his guard as he took the bait. "Why?"

"Because you're an idiot!" Shinji winced at the harshness of her tone and kicked himself for not seeing the obvious trap.

"But Why?"

"Because….You should know why, Idiot!"

"That's enough kids, go and get changed. I'll give you guys a ride home and we can pick up dinner on the way back."

"Fine, but I'm choosing where we eat!"

"Sorry Misato, I've got some business I've gotta take care of. I'll head back home right after. I won't be long and whatever you guys get to eat is fine with me"

"You sleep in your room all day! How could you have any business anywhere!?"

"That's fine, be careful walking back or if you don't feel like it, you can ask section 2 to give you a ride. They're just sitting on their asses anyway."

Shinji nodded and pretended not to hear his other pilot's half insult and question. Graciously accepting a towel to wrap around himself from a technician as he emerged dripping from the entry plug.

Only after waiting an extra ten minutes after rinsing off the LCL and changing back into his regular clothes did he exit the locker room. He stepped out cautiously and looked for any vibrant reds or purples that would distinguish his roommates and saw the coast was clear.

'So what's the plan again? I remember I just wanna make sure we both know exactly what to do'

'You can just say you forgot it. You will demand Rei be moved to more suitable accommodation when he refuses, say that you have information he needs. He won't believe you and will probably dismiss you outright. You need to respond by mentioning you holding an opportunity to get a leg up on the committee. He'll try to play off his own surprise and the importance of your information, but still jump on the bait eagerly. You need to maintain your composure and draw a fine line between not being overly confrontational and at the same time not allowing yourself to be intimidated.'

Shinji's brain felt like it was about to pop as he tried to understand the instructions given to him.

'Can't you just tell me what to say!? This is important. I don't wanna mess it up.'

'You really want me to feed you lines? It doesn't matter, it's too late. If we had time to rehearse and I wouldn't doubt you'd refuse my choice of words. You'll just have to improvise.'

'Fantastic, so I'll work on developing a perfect poker face in the next couple of minutes. That'll fool one of the most powerful men in the world.'

'You're focusing too much on what he can and will do, not on your own actions. This is an opportunity. You know how he'll react and that gives you the tools to counter. You hold all the cards at this moment, make him realize he doesn't have power over you even when he tries to reassert it. He needs you to pilot and he'll realize soon he also needs your information. Keep your demands clear and concise and he'll give you just about anything.'

'Thanks? I think?' Shinji mulled over his father's words, passing Ritsuko, walking on her way back from the direction of his father's office.

She was intently studying something on her clipboard and taking up the entirety of the narrow hallway with her rapid stride. Time slowed down for Shinji and he started panicking. It wasn't for any good reason. He was too quiet for the doctor to notice, torn between his desire to not disturb the women nor walk into her.

He never decided, instead flattening his body against the wall and holding his breath. Hoping his unnecessary and unusual behavior wouldn't be noticed.

It failed spectacularly. She noticed him immediately after passing him, unphased by his strange behavior. "Oh Hi Shinji, I didn't see you there. What are you still doing here?"

"Umm-I…am…..here to see my father. Do you know if he's in his office right now?"

"Yes he is, he's quite busy at the moment so I can't be certain he'll have time to speak with you-." They briefly made eye contact, and something in his eyes made her quickly give up on dissuading him. "But it couldn't hurt to try. His office is right down this hall. Just follow the signs."

He smiled awkwardly back at the woman and nodded his head, unsure of how to react to her behavior being so at odds with her usual snarky and detached demeanor.

"He'll make time." He could feel the blonde's gaze burning into the back of his head as she watched him travel down the winding corridor.


"Has the committee said anything about what we've sent them of our plans for retrieving the lance?"

"No, I believe since the major points have already been agreed upon and mapped out; they're letting us handle the rest at our discretion. In this case, I believe no news is good news."

"Isn't that always the case when dealing with those old fools?"

"You know, Commander Ikari, you should really learn to respect your elders. You're only a few years away yourself from gray hairs and kids calling you old."

"I doubt I'd survive if I had to do this any longer than I had to, not from anything those incompetents could ever do but from the stress of dealing with their idiocy"

"Well, you know what they say commander, Only The Good Die Young."

"I believe that would be good news for us, then."

Gendo allowed himself to set down his work and chuckle along with his friend of many years. He had come to enjoy the gallows humor he and the professor had developed over their time working together. It was convenient. Neither man wanted to be the one to talk about the morality or severity of their actions with any seriousness. So they laughed at the certainty of their damnation, the absurdity of their allies and foes, and the lack of distinction between the two.

It was not an entirely frivolous activity; it allowed an easy method of disarming the sub-commanders defenses and ensuring he remains loyal for the time being. His 'friend' probably already knew he was constantly under supervision, but it didn't matter. His face told him at all he needed. He'd observed his expression many times when he thought he was alone. He had seen the same look that had gazed back at him in the mirror for all these years. Loss.

The beeping of his intercom on his desk interrupted his thoughts, annoyed he furrowed his brow and hastened to answer. He knew he didn't have any appointments and was not to be disturbed.

"Commander Ikari Sir, the Third Child is here to see you"

"Tell him I'm busy. Full guardianship has been given to Katsuragi. If he has any issues, he should come to her first."

"He says it's something urgent, and he promises not to take long"

Gendo let out a loud sigh and massaged his temple with his other hand for a brief moment before finally answering. "Fine, send him in."

The door slid open with a metallic hiss and the boy walked in, his posture constantly readjusting and his fist tightly clenched at his sides. He had a curious look in his eyes. It was steely and determined on the outside, but the miasma of fear came out of his every pore. Even with his own eyes obscured, he did not hesitate to match his gaze directly.

"I-Er-Uh….like your new glasses…..or I-Uh guess the term is visor"

"I assume you did not disturb my work just to compliment my choice of eyewear?"

"No, you're right about that" There were twin desires driving this interaction in his eyes, his annoyance with having his work disturbed. Was offset by the cruel satisfaction he got from rattling the boy's composure so easily. If he was gonna gain anything useful from this meeting, he could at least prove his subordinates' concerns that his son would refuse to pilot were unfounded.

"So I went to Ayanami's apartment recently…." The boy's tone and the phrasing were an accusation, but he didn't seem able to commit fully. It sounded like he was being stood up to. So far, it was hilarious.

"Congratulations, Section 2 already informed me in a report. Was that all?"

"Father, that place is terrible. Rei is a human being, isn't she? She doesn't deserve to live in an apartment with a leaky ceiling in the middle of a condemned construction site."

"Rei has offered no complaints about her living situation and it is more than suitable for meeting her basic needs and security needs."

"If you're worried about security, why not move her into one of the empty apartments in Misato's complex? There's plenty to choose from and keeping all the pilots together would save resources protecting us."

"No"

"Why!?"

"Pilot Ikari, are you a member of the UN committee specially selected to overview NERV?"

"No?"

"Then I don't have to explain myself to you. If that was all you can see yourself out, you're dismissed."

"Wait!"

Gendo's eyes returned from looking at his desk to see the shadow of a scowl on his son's face. Looking him over now, the fear he had seen earlier had vanished without a trace. There was now only a look of barely contained mixed fury and irritation. He knew that look better than anyone else could.

It was the look of a boy smart enough to know he had been abandoned intentionally and had grown to resent it. Unable to ever confront the man who helped create him. Only making his anger worse and worse. Eventually taking it out on anything he could justify, every punch and kick and bite inflicted on another person done just to alleviate the pain in his heart. Only making it worse. Leaving him an empty broken husk, incapable of any other feeling other than hate.

"I have something you want."

"Oh, you do now? What might that be exactly?"

"Information."

"Do you plan on letting us in on this 'information' or would you like to continue acting out a James Bond movie?"

"Who's James Bond?"

Gendo's eyes rolled involuntarily. He was struggling to suppress the uncontrolled flaring of his emotions. Talking and looking at this boy for any period of time was impossible. He wanted to snap and berate the boy and discourage him from ever coming back, make him too afraid to even consider it.

"Nevermind, it's not important. Do you have something to tell me, or is this an elaborate scheme to waste my time?"

"I want a guarantee first."

"Guarantee of what?"

"If I give you my information and you make use of it, I want Ayanami's apartment changed."

"I'll give you a guarantee. If you don't tell me what this 'information' you have is soon. I guarantee you'll be removed from this office."

"Fine, Fine, a group of operatives let in by spies operating within NERV will attempt to sabotage the power tomorrow"

"Do you know the identities of any of these spies?" Gendo folded his hands over his mouth, as he felt a mix of surprise and shock overwhelming his intentionally frigid demeanor.

"No….I mean…Yes"

"How did you come across this information?"

"I got it from a pretty reliable source"

"Do I know this source?"

"Better than you think."

"What reason do I have to believe you? For all I know, you could've just made this up for attention."

"What do I gain from lying about this? All you have to do is to guard the reactor tomorrow and if I'm wrong nothing happens and you have some bored security guards. If I'm right, though, it could save people's lives."

"Your point and the reasoning behind it are valid. Do you have anything else?"

"Will you consider moving Rei out of that apartment now? Please father, her place now is filthy and unsafe. If you really care about her, you know what the right thing to do is."

"That will be all Pilot Ikari, you're dismissed"

He cut off his son's attempt to continue to speak with a dismissive gesture before making sure his voice dripped with malice.

"It is not often I give an order twice. I recommend you take the opportunity you've been given."

He looked into his son's eyes again and saw only pure hatred and loathing, the kind that hardens and crystallizes over years. He braced himself for the outburst he could sense sitting on his tongue. The boy's teeth were bared in a snarl and he looked ready to pounce across the desk. Part of him wondered if this was what he had wanted. He pressed the boys' buttons with the practiced ease. He knew exactly what to do or say to push him to do something drastic and manipulated him to the edge with. Logically, he knew something had to give. Suppressed anger only stays suppressed for so long. He knew that better than anyone.

Maybe he secretly wished to end up like his own father. That thought sent a chill down his spine that he suppressed inwardly.

He was impressed by the boy's discipline. It had taken him many years to control his temper, and those were years of hard work. It seemed an insurmountable task now that his reason for changing and losing his hatred for the world and its people was now gone.

"Well, that was unexpected, I think."

"Bring in Agent Ryoji, now. He's the only one who could've let info like that slip to any of the pilots. We need to figure out what else, if anything, he told him and how it could affect the scenario."

"His file says he requested today off. He might not be in town. Usually when he's trying to get out of work, he'll claim he's doing fieldwork."

"Agent Ryoji will be in my office within the next hour. You'll inform him that it is his choice how he arrives"

"His relationship with the committee is why we took an interest in him to begin with. He doesn't seem the type to be so unprofessional as to leak information that sensitive."

"There's no other way he could've learned about Seele except through him. They wouldn't waste an agent as valuable as him on petty sabotage, but if he knows about the attack, he might be able to tell us who else has secondary loyalties."

"Are you gonna move Rei like he requested? Considering the effort and how much he risked telling you this, it seems like such a small demand."

"Perhaps, if his information proves correct, we'll see. He played it well, I'll admit, but he clearly knew more than he was telling us. I won't sit idly by and let some child come in and throw a wrench into my carefully made plans."

"Despite your best efforts to the contrary, he really seems to be turning out to be his father's son."

"I hope for all of our sakes that you're wrong about that."


"What would you think if you, me and Shinji went to a hot spring next weekend? There's one nearby and they're offering NERV personnel a discount. I figured we all deserved some well-earned rest and relaxation after that last battle."

Misato tried to contrast her usually glum wards by trying to always remain positive and keep up at the very least a cheery front for the kids. Asuka thought she was babying them, but considering how much they have to put up with on a weekly basis, it's the least she could do. They were just kids.

The pair had gotten along somewhat well back in Berlin. She and Kaji were the only guardians that hadn't immediately asked to switch or overall refused to deal with the difficult young girl. She could tell she was still the same angry, sarcastic, too smart for her own good spitfire from Berlin. who'd handled her childhood trauma the way she dreamed of doing.

She hadn't spent years locked up in a cage, being poked and prodded like an animal to 'fix' her. Based on the section 2 reports, she's continued her trend of being a popular socialite known for her terrifying temper.

Most of her relationships seemed only superficial in nature, though. In the years she'd known the girl, she'd never appeared at a social outing that wasn't mandatory or brought a single person over. Despite her treatment of them, she'd clearly become closer to the Hikari girl and even though neither would admit it, she and Shinji had become good 'friends'.

"I guess it's not the worst idea you've had. It better not be some pervy co-ed place. There's no amount of money you could pay me to see that idiot naked!"

"Of course not" Misato's mind delivered a perfect reply to tease the girl. She'd heard the two of them had started running together at school and for Shinji, the results showed. It was only fair that Shinji would eventually have to pay the both of them back. He was getting spoiled at the buffet of endless free eye candy he got regularly at home.

"What are you smiling about!? I'm not stupid! I know what you're thinking when you get that look!"

"You're very smart Asuka. Maybe I'm just happy we get to spend time together. Have you figured out where you wanna eat yet?"

"Good diversion" She beamed at the girl as she reached into the glove compartment and flipped through a dusty catalog listing the restaurants in Tokyo-3.

"Thanks, I learned from the best."

"And just who might that be?"

"Take a guess and you'll probably be right."

"Hmph! Let's just do pizza. I think even a place as shielded from higher culture as this place HAS to be able to make a good deep dish!" The younger girl's expression went from neutral to an overt scowl out the window.

Asuka was trying to hide it, but she could obviously tell something she'd said had upset the girl. She was glad she and Kaji both agreed that it would be best to let Asuka's schoolgirl crush on the older man's end. She knew he'd let her down, perhaps too easily, and she definitely wasn't worried about it because SHE wanted to be with that overgrown dork. If that girl didn't quit pursuing him soon, either she was gonna end up heartbroken or her ex would end up in a cell for something she knew deep down he'd never do.

"Listen, Asuka, I know you have a crush on Kaji. I'm not trying to steal him from you, but I'm sorry to tell you this. It won't happen."

"If you're such an all knowing love guru, why are you still single?"

She took the insult in stride. "I don't need to be an all knowing or a love guru to tell you Kaji won't under any circumstances do anything with an underage girl. I understand it's not a switch you can flick on and off, but why not try and focus on boys your own age?"

It's easy to say that from your ivory tower! Have you met a teenage boy!?"

"They're not THAT bad, Asuka."

"You only talk to Shinji! He is an extreme outlier for the male species! If you think all boys cook, clean, and act all polite, you'll be in for a rude awakening if you listen to those gibbering apes talk amongst themselves for 5 seconds."

"Asuka, are you familiar with the term misandrist?"

"I went to college! Of course I am! I'm not biased against anyone! I just see the world how it is and act accordingly! Boys are all perverts who only want you for your body or to make their pathetic selves look better. Real men like Kaji are a dying breed."

"If, according to your own words, MOST boys are perverts, why not go for the outlier instead?"

"Oh, now you're not even trying to hide it! I know you're just foisting me onto that wimp so you can have Kaji all to yourself! Well it won't work!"

Every muscle in Misato's body was tensed as she tried her best not to snap and ruin what little progress she had made in bonding with the girl. She controlled her breathing and spoke as calmly as possible to the increasingly irate redhead.

"Asuka, Listen I-"

"Misato! WATCH OUT!"

Time went in slow motion. She looked back to the road and saw why the young girl was upset. She'd been drifting slowly out of her lane towards the other without thinking about it. Coming from the opposite direction in the other lane was a black sedan, also drifting out of their lane. The distance was closing fast, the other car was going slightly over the speed limit and while she was going a lot slower than normal for her, it wasn't slow enough.

It was entirely avoidable. If either driver had been more aware and had pulled even slightly over to the correct side, they'd breeze past each other and create a terrifying near-miss. They weren't that lucky.

Misato looked back at the girl in her passenger's seat. The haughty, proud and invincible facade she'd seen the girl meticulously build had completely fallen away. Hey eyes were watering, gaped in horror at watching the approaching collision. Her body seemed impossibly small. It looked like she was shrinking into the seat's back. Suddenly, she was hit with the most powerful compulsion she'd felt in her life.

Misato wasn't sure which one of them was screaming louder. She couldn't hear anything over her own voice and the blood pulsing in her ears. She was terrified of dying in some accident caused by her and some other asshole driver's stupidity. What scared her even more was the thought of living after getting an innocent girl like Asuka hurt or killed because of that same reason.

The next few seconds were some of the longest of her life. She'd stopped paying attention to anything going around her, only desperately shielding the shivering body of Asuka with her own. She could feel glass cutting into her exposed skin and an acrid burning stench burned her lungs and nose. The airbags kicked in and smashed the both of them against the seat, blinding her completely to the world outside her and the girl clutched around her body.

Then, from one instant to the next, it all stopped. Everything was completely silent except for the far off cracking and popping of a fire somewhere in the distance.

Misato didn't care, she shook her head to try and clear some of the shock and tried to take stock of her new situation. The car had somehow ended up on its roof; the airbags had deflated, and she was clinging on to the handle on Asuka's door. She looked the now unconscious teenager up and down. Her body was fine, but she had a nasty looking bump on her head. She couldn't see how bad it was through the blood and resolved to look at it when they were somewhere safer.

She twisted herself to the side and stretched her arms to undo the clasp of the seatbelt. Which had managed to get itself tangled between her legs. Adrenaline coursing through her and giving her a singular desire to grab Asuka and sprint out of this metal deathtrap.

She let go of the car handle and let her body slump. The instant her legs hit the ground, she cried out in agony. Her left leg burned like someone had stuck a lit firework down her shins. Tears began to fall down her face as the shame of the situation and her own intense pain overwhelmed her.

Every time she tried to move her leg or tried to drag herself to help, Asuka had been a failure. Her muscles were sore and if she moved her injured leg too much, she felt close to passing out from the pain. She was starting to feel disoriented and for some strange reason she'd had the unfortunate luck of getting both a backache and stomach ache at the same time that kept persisting.

She looked down and saw that her shirt was red, her mind was getting a little fuzzy. She couldn't remember what color her shirt HAD been, but sanguine looked terrible with her skin.

A strange sound then began emanating from all around her, sounding like a shrill ringing. She felt the vibration in her pocket and robotically flipped open the device and pressed it against her ear out of habit.

"Hello my gorgeous and wonderful Katsuragi. I hope this isn't a bad time. I had a friend of mine tell me about this new Mexican restaurant that does all day happy hour. Wanna get drunk and eat tacos like we did in the good old days?"

"Shut the fuck up and get over here…right….now" Her voice sounded dreamlike and surreal, completely different from how she'd ever spoken to anyone, on the phone or otherwise.

The familiar and comforting voice became background noise in her ears as she heard the sound of sirens approaching from the distance. She stole a confused glance at the phone in her hand before remembering section 2 existed. They'd probably had people tailing them from headquarters and they probably called it in as soon as they'd seen the wreck.

"I'm sorry Asuka, I'm so sorry" She couldn't feel her fingers and the numbness spread to cover her arms. The phone clattered to the ground. She was losing strength and used what was left to tune her ears to hear approaching footsteps. Relief flooded her entire system. She chose to lie down in the warm puddle underneath her.

There was noise outside the car and she heard the sound of tearing metal, cracking one of her eyes to see the door open, sunlight streaming into the car. She lost consciousness shortly after.


After he left the meeting with the commander, he didn't feel like going home. He didn't think he could face his two roommates. They were probably having more fun without him there. Nobody paid him any attention. They were either lost in their work or had grown accustomed to seeing the pilots.

When he came back to his senses, he found himself staring directly into the abyssal eyes of his Eva unit 01. Its face was unchanged and unmoving, but Shinji could swear there was something in the behemoth's eyes. Some spark or immutable characteristic that told him whatever it was, it was alive.

The cages were completely devoid of people. Every sound he made sounded infinitely louder in the echoing chambers. The dull walls contrasted with the vibrant paint on the Eva's, drawing his eyes to them no matter where he looked.

'What are the Eva's? Machines don't bleed'

'There are some things in this world you're simply better off not knowing.'

"That's bullshit! We've been over this! I want the truth."

'I understand you have no reason to trust me, but I genuinely believe you aren't going to get an answer you like from asking about this.'

"I don't care, I just don't care. I need to know everything! Everything that can help me change the future. I need to do something!"

'What does that have to do with knowing the truth behind the Eva's? Your tantrums have already forced me to tell you more information than you should have. If you let even the tiniest bit of it slip, you'll be seen as a threat to NERV and treated as such.'

Shinji slammed his hand onto the rail in front of him. The metal clanged loudly, and he didn't feel any pain, only white fiery anger bubbling out of his chest.

"I almost died in that last attack! My skin still looks like I got a bad spray tan after they took off the bandages! I have a right to know the truth behind the thing that was almost my coffin! Robots don't have eyes with emotion in them!"

'Fine! I should clarify, you're the only one who has called it a robot. We explicitly used the term biomechanical machine, which is not necessarily a falsehood.'

'They're alive, aren't they!? I saw underneath the armor while it was being repaired. There's no circuitry or metal, just flesh!'

'The armor has a dual purpose. It is so thick and heavy it protects the Eva from attack and serves as a restraint to keep it under control.'

Shinji's eyes widened, and he staggered back from the now much more menacing and imposing shadow of the titan looming over him.

"Is the reason the Eva's can produce an AT field because they're Angels?"

'Yes, and no'

'What does that even mean!?'

It means what I told you! The Eva's are technically Angels in the same way we humans technically are. The Eva's have their bestial nature written over by one able to synchronize with the pilots. They become empty vessels for the operating system we put in it.'

'You realize how confusing that sounds, right? I think I get it, but what's this operating system?'

'A human soul'

"Oh…Oh no! It really is alive! How could you!?" Shinji shook his fist with important rage at the metal behemoth. Any good feelings he'd gotten during the miserable experience of piloting Eva had now turned to pure disgust. With both himself and the organization, he found himself a part of.

'There were and will continue to be great sacrifices in the war to defeat the angels.'

"So that presence in the Eva I talked to was actually a person!? Who is it!?"

"I can't tell you that. It could affect your synchronization and have dangerous consequences. You'll know when the time is right.'

"You don't GET to decide that! The right time is right now! I will not pilot an altar to human sacrifice if I don't at least know who gave up their life so I could fight the Angels."

'Shinji, do you remember anything about how your mother passed away?'

The question was so unexpected it succeeded in diffusing his Angel as his brain puzzled at why his father would wanna talk about that now of all times.

In the back of his head, he felt like there was a knot in his head with one loose thread he struggled to pull. He couldn't remember her face, or her eyes. The only image that he could summon was a blurry smile that seemed impossibly distant from him.

Shinji's eyes widened in shock as he felt whatever force suppressing his memories slowly come undone in his mind. He saw a familiar pair of green eyes smaller and instead of sadness in them, there was the purest joy and kindness he had ever felt.

It felt like a dam was being opened inside his brain. Accompanying the torrent was an intense throbbing pain building in intensity with each second. The world around him disappeared into darkness. The only thing he could feel was his hands pressing against the sides of his head with all of his strength. His muscles bulged and strained and he felt himself collapse onto the catwalk below his feet. With a lurch, the contents of his stomach spilled out all over himself.

Shinji didn't care anymore. His mind and body felt completely separate from each other. He felt like he was floating above his seizing and convulsing body and watching the pathetic spectacle.

Suddenly he was in a dimly lit, unfamiliar looking laboratory. The only source of light was the reading from various monitors and the light from the open strange looking entry plug mounted into the wall.

"Shinji sweetie, mommy has to go do some really important work. Can you promise me one thing before I go?"

He opened his mouth to reply to the ghostly apparition, but he made no noise, only staring up at the woman's face looming over his suddenly short stature. He used the time trying to etch every feature into his brain forever.

"Promise me, no matter what happens, you'll live for yourself. You deserve all the happiness in the world Shinji, you just have to reach out and grab it. I love you more than anything else in this world."


Rei sat submerged blissfully in the tank of LCL she got her usual treatments in. She was told this was what her ultimate goal was like: no more pain, no more feeling, just the joy of oblivion. It always sounded so nice to her when she was in the LCL. Today though her usually calm rest was disturbed.

Her thoughts constantly strayed to the medical bay a few floors above her. Where both her fellow pilots and her immediate commanding officer were all unconscious. None of them were in critical conditions but none of them were going to be ready for combat for at least the next couple days. She'd heard the Captain, and the Second had gotten in a car crash with both suffering mild physical trauma. She'd been unable to learn similar information about Shinji's condition, only that he was stable and recovering.

Rei had been given orders to not leave the Geofront in case of an Angel attack. It was the first time since before the Third Child had arrived that she'd served as NERV's first and last line of defense. She just hoped the Angels would give them a week at least to recover back to full strength. Despite her training, she had no desire for solo combat with an Angel. Seeing in her study of recording of the previous battles what it had cost for Unit-01 to succeed on its own.

She peered through the glass in front of her and made out the form of Dr. Akagi, standing and idly typing away at one of the computer monitors by the tank, clear for her to see. Every memory she had of growing up inside the confined wall of the geofront contained the blonde-haired women. They'd never spoken outside of her receiving treatment or during training. Otherwise, she was addressed with cold indifference. She didn't know why this person she'd known her whole life seemed to despise her very being. Part of her was afraid to know the reason, if one existed.

Her vision was clouded by bubbles as she shook her head in the LCL to clear the invasive and pervasive strain of thought, giving her so many troubles lately. She'd been having a lot of moments like that lately. Where she began to question and reflect upon the feelings and relationships of the surrounding people. The only people she knew who'd might be able to give an answer were her two superiors, but a part of her mind constantly nagged that she wouldn't like the answer she got.

Rei had heard the second child use the term 'friend' and requested that the two of them enter into whatever social construct was standard among teenagers. She mused that the same logic that she'd used to decline the request could work in reverse. She hadn't received an order to not befriend any of the pilots. Maybe doing so would've been an excellent opportunity to define the abstract term her books had failed to grasp.

An idea to ask Shinji about the definition filled her with a warmth that turned cold. Her mind filled with images of his pale skin covered in a sheen of sweat as he thrashed unconsciously on the cot. His sleep was so tormented even when he was unable to wake up. He looked like he was trying to strike his demons in his sleep. It filled her with a deep pit of dread and an equally unbearable feeling of helplessness that had nearly overwhelmed her.

Rei surmised that the source of the internal outburst was simply based on his relation to the commander, whom she cared for deeply. Despite a slight physical resemblance, the boy had done anything but remind her of his father. The younger Ikari was kind, gentle. He had a certain warmth to him that she'd never seen from the elder Ikari. He'd probably know what a friend is. If she asked, he'd probably explain it to her. She made a mental note to ask him when he woke up. The plan calmed her nerves about his unexplained condition. It concerned her that after a full day of examination; the circumstances were still a mystery. But she had faith in NERVS doctors, so fix whatever was wrong.

Her eyes snapped open as every nerve in her body thrummed with alert. Her arms felt weak, so she swung her leg in the LCL and smacked it against the glass to get the doctor's attention.

Ignoring the glare she was receiving from the woman, she continued kicking the glass until she heard a muffled sigh and the sound of the LCL draining past her ears.

"What the hell's your problem!?"

"An Angel is attacking."

"What!? What do you mean there's an-" Rei's expression remained blank as her superiors' protest was cut off by the Angel alarm blaring in both their ears. She wanted to avoid provoking her anymore than she already had. She suppressed her urge to wince as the next words came as a hateful snarl.

"You know what to do, First Child, get to the cages. I'm going to be in medical trying to revive Shinji. Asuka has a severe concussion and hasn't recovered enough to be able to pilot. For this Angel, we're counting on you. Do not fail us."

Rei shook her head obediently, not bothering with any other words. She walked as quickly as she could manage over to the cages. The previous apprehension she felt was replaced with a solemn determination to fulfill her orders. Everyone she'd ever known was counting on her. She was the last line of defense between them and the enemy.

"I will not fail."


Shinji opened his eyes and immediately closed them again as a blinding light hit his retinas. His head hurt terribly. He stopped his hands from massaging it and shakily got up, blearily rubbing his eyes as he adjusted to the new environment.

He looked at a familiar couch sitting exactly as he remembered in an equally familiar living room. After the previous weeks,

"Where am I?"

"I believe this would be a form of mental landscape generated by our perceiving the abstract concept of the inside of your mind"

"What the hell did you just say to me!? Why are you here? This is my uncle's house! How did we get here!?"

"We didn't go anywhere and neither are we at your uncle's. You fell unconscious during our last concentration and are currently resting in NERVS medical bay, unable to be woken." His father gestured beside him and the space where he gestured twisted and warped. An old vintage CRT TV almost as tall as the man apparated in the spot as if it had always been there.

On the screen wrapped in blankets. The only thing besides his pained expression he could see were the black straps around each of his wrists keeping him strapped to the bed. The only sounds he could hear from it were his shallow breathing and the constant beep of the heart monitor.

"What were we-" The memory returned to him with force, he crumpled like a leaf. Curling up into a ball as he tried to push back down the painful memory coming to the surface.

After a few moments, Shinji felt his breathing slow and the panic slowly faded as he hugged his legs tightly. He was filled with the deepest feeling of loss he had ever known. He remembered everything: the cheerful smiles, the family dinners spent joking and laughing as a family.

Perhaps having all those memories stolen from him hadn't been so bad. He remembered what his mother looked like, what she sounded like when she spoke or laughed, and now he'd never see it again. His happiness had been taken from him.

His sadness was quickly fading, and an intense heat was building in his chest. It rose to a boiling point when he saw the usual uncaring expression on his father face. The same look he'd gotten when he first got to NERV.

"YOU KILLED HER! YOU KILLED MY FUCKING MOM! YOU GODDAMN BASTARD! ILL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Shinji felt like an animal. He was panting with his teeth bared. Every muscle in his body tensed and prepared for a fight.

"I had no idea that was going to happen and I would never do anything to hurt her. She chose to enter Unit-01 of her own free will, and nothing I said could change her mind."

The normally imposing and terrifying form of his father disgusted him now. His posture was slacked, and he looked like he was trying to will himself out of this conversation.

"YOU'RE LYING! THATS ALL YOU KNOW HOW TO DO!"

"It is a painful truth for you as it is for me, but I would not lie to you about this. Your mother believed in Eva, believed she could be the catalyst for a better tomorrow through her sacrifice."

"BUT WHY!? WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME!?" The rage he felt overwhelmed all his senses and all he could feel was his blood boiling and roaring in his ears.

"I don't know," the soft whisper pushed him over the edge. He hated this man, hated his stupid face, his awful voice and terrible glasses. He hated the way he treated Misato and himself and Rei. All he could see was red, and all his mind could think of was one phrase repeating endlessly.

Suddenly Shinji felt a wave of calm and bliss wash over his senses. Time seemed to move in slow motion. He could feel the wide grin breaking out on his face as he approached the man.

The first blow impacted directly with the man's glasses. He was staring absentmindedly at the screen in front of them, his mind clearly elsewhere.

His glasses shattering and being smashed into his face brought him back to the present rapidly.

Shinji felt amazing. He savagely swung his knee into the front of the man's trousers. His heart beat like a drum, drowning out everything except the frantic thumps. even faster as he heard the man groan and crumble to his knees, holding his aching groin.

Shinji used his right hand to grab a clump of hair roughly, pulling his face up to meet his.

"STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME! YOU KILLED HER DIDN'T YOU!? FOR WHAT!? FOR EVA!? FUCK EVA AND FUCK YOU"

"I promise you I am telling you the tru-" He cut off his father's words with his left fist. He let go of the man's hair and let him fall to the floor like a sack. Straddling him with his legs and holding his neck up by the collar. He prepared another left hook into the face of the man who took everything from him.

"WE WERE HAPPY DAMN YOU! SHE WAS SMILING AND WE WERE A FAMILY! IS THAT NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!? WHY!?"

"Everything I do, I do for her, I will see her again, I'll end the world for your mother. She's the only person in this world who loved me and I could love in return."

He brought his fist down again and heard a sickening crack as he brought his fist into the man's nose with all his might.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" Every word was emphasized by another punch to the man's face. He wanted to kill him, make him suffer like he'd been forced to suffer because of him.

Tears were now falling down his face, his anger was slowly beginning to fade and rising to take its place was the usual self hatred. This time enhanced by the broken and bloody form of his father lying underneath him.

The still stoic man had blood running down his face and more blood came out as he coughed and spoke. "I know." His next words were a whisper that he wouldn't have heard if he wasn't so close. He turned his head slightly and heard him mumble something barely audible under his breath. "I do too."

Shinji felt his usual compulsion to apologize, but swallowed the words bitterly. He deserves worse, worse punishment than anything he could ever dish out. He'd rather die than apologize to that heartless, soulless man who took away his family.

Seeing the imposing form of the man lying broken below him made him feel weirdly good. He felt a sick satisfaction that made his skin crawl in equal parts. The man flinched as he hoisted him back up within centimeters of his face.

"I want the truth! The whole truth! No more lies or half truths or evasion. Start talking. Now."

"I don't really have a choice, do I?"

He felt his anger flare up again at his apparent nonchalance. He swung without thinking, his fist collided with the man's smirking jaw. His only desire in that moment being to remove the smug smile by any means.

"That was just a warmup. If you lie to me again, I'll I'll kill you." It didn't feel like him speaking. He planned the words, put all the bile and hatred in his heart into it. But they didn't seem like words he'd ever say. He just wanted to be left alone. He didn't wanna hurt anyone. Every rule has an exception, though.

He'd been dragged from the only home he ever knew to go fight Eldritch abominations for a man he couldn't even stand being in the same room as. The man who had left him with nothing. Nothing but despair and self hatred, a man who seemed dedicated to controlling and ruining his life.

"If you wish to kill me, then simply get it over with. It's waiting around that bothers me the most."

"I'm not like you, I'm not a murderer"

"Perhaps, Perhaps not."

"You don't know me! How could you possibly pretend to know or care a thing about me!?"

"You blame yourself for things you couldn't have possibly had anything to do with or prevented. You've been alone for so long you don't know how to get close to people and any time you do, you only hurt them or yourself. You've convinced yourself that it's because you are a fundamentally bad person not worthy of other people's time or attention."

Shinji's eyes widened and shocked and he stared at his father like he'd just grown wings. "How do you-"

"I know because I am you and you are me. As different as we are, we are also the same."

The spacious living room they were standing in suddenly felt incredibly cramped and claustrophobic.

"No! YOU'RE WRONG! I'm nothing like you! I'll never be anything like you!"

"I had thought so too, but it seems time makes fools of us all."

"You're just trying to distract me! It won't work! You're gonna tell me everything you know about the future or else!"

"Or else what Shinji? If I refuse, will you try and beat me to death inside your own head? Even if that were possible, I thought you weren't a murderer?"

"Murderers kill people. You're a monster."


AN: Hope you liked this chapter and thanks for sticking around this long dear readers. Man Shinji's mad I can understand if you think it's OOC. My justification is that he is re-experiencing the death of his mother and repressed Anger is repressed until it very suddenly isn't and our boy has repressed Anger to spare. The only person who can really bring that part out of him is his father especially since any trust between the two is nonexistent. Gendo's fear of Shinji's reaction to the truth only made it worse. If the band aid were ripped off early things wouldn't have gone this off the rails. That could also be said for a lot of the problems between the characters could be solved by a genuine heart to heart to discussion but real life isn't that simple and neither is this story. Now that it's all out there how will our intrepid father son duo make it through the coming obstacles? In my humble opinion they have to stop trying to kill each other and work up from there, Read the next chapter to find out. Also about the car crash scene, it always bothered me that in nearly every Eva fic it's just a running gag that Misato drives like a psycho and I always thought that was a Chekov's gun that's never touched so I'm pretty happy with how it turned out and how it's gonna shake up the normal Asuka/Misato dynamic.

Teaser for Chapter 9 "Holding Out For A Hero". Does the knowledge that death is inevitable make survival any less intrinsic to being human? Does anger cloud your judgment, making the truth harder to see, or does it open your eyes to realities you'd rather ignore? How will our cast handle the introduction of a new character doom-driven to disturb the monotonous routines of the people around her? Is she a friend? A foe? Find out the answers to all or none of these questions and more in the thrilling continuation of LFLS