1. I'm not dead, just slow.

2. Thanks a lot to SnowBear17 for helping me beta this story.

3. Any error here is mine and not from my reviewer. If you spot anything or have a doubt about the grammar used or plot just PM me, I'm always swift to answer.

5. I have a tumblr account, JonRiptide handle, where I publish updates. I wander around reddit and discord from time to time as well

6. Enjoy


Inconceivable!" the headmaster lamented for the umpteeth time.

The old wizard was visibly upset, not by Dolores Umbridge's promotion to High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, but by the staff going rogue on his irrational matchmaking plot. The reports and schedules from the first few days of classes were spread over his desk as he pored over them, making no effort to hide his displeasure. It wasn't common to see the great Albus Dumbledore as agitated as he was now, especially over something so apparently incidental such as who should be Harry Potter's girlfriend.

In all honesty, Minerva still found it baffling that they had gotten involved in such an outrageous situation in the first place. It was her belief that taking part in the romantic decisions of students should not be within the responsibilities or rights of a professor. Even so, and at the headmaster's insistence, that was precisely what they were doing. They were engaged in this ridiculous task of getting Harry Potter and Hermione Granger to change their friendship into something more, and that was the truly inconceivable part.

I swear, if it had been anyone else coming to me with this absurd suggestion…

Minerva was in no hurry to speak. She remained seated on her chair impassively until Professor Dumbledore stood up in a more composed manner, carrying a few of the schedules as he shook his head slowly in disapproval. The pink matchmaking book he had so proudly boasted about was left momentarily forgotten under a pile of disorganized papers.

"Are you sure this is happening?" he asked calmly.

"I'm afraid so. It was verified by multiple accounts," Minerva confirmed.

"It's still beyond me how they choose this path when it's clearly detrimental to the magical community. What must have come to Pomona to do something like this? And Filius... I was certain he would have the sound mind to join us. Are they aware of the war that's taking place right now? From their actions, it would appear that they don't quite comprehend what's at stake."

"I explained the circumstances, just as we discussed. Several times."

It was true that she had been surprised by her peers' reactions, but all things considered, there were few sane options offered to them. Professor Dumbledore didn't seem to think that way, however, as he had been completely taken off guard by the unforeseen loss of support for his convoluted and nonsensical plan.

"This is a complication, there's no denying it," the headmaster murmured, a thoughtful expression coming to him.

"Perhaps it's a sign to put all of this behind us, and focus on the actual war," Minerva suggested with hope.

"Nonsense! This is the actual war. We can't surrender now when so much depends upon our success."

Minerva sighed, wondering if a headache was on its way. "What do you propose then?"

A few seconds passed while the headmaster formulated a reply. "We need to counteract. Our obstacles have increased, yet our goal persists. We ought to neutralize all these threats to our Harmony, which is the one true pairing for Harry."

The headmaster walked to an empty space in his office, and then summoned a standing corkboard from the opposite side. After a flick of his wand, pictures and strings of yarn started covering the corkboard, resembling a spider web of dates and names. In the centre, a large moving photograph of Mr Potter reigned supreme, the strings of multi-coloured yarn all leading to him. Incredulously, Minerva followed the red yarn to the upper left corner, where Miss Granger's picture and some drawings of the Harmony shirts were placed. Minerva found small photos of her and her Harmony-supporting colleagues there as well.

"Albus, don't you think this is too much?" she asked, concerned.

"No diligence is too much when one is working for the greater good."

Minerva was left speechless as she noticed the other parts of the corkboard. The yellow yarn led to the lower left, where a picture of Susan Bones was joined by those of Pomona and Charity. The green yarn went to the upper right corner, connecting Potter to Pansy Parkinson and the Minister's team. The lower right had blue yarn and the images of Cho Chang and Filius, surrounded by smaller ones of Sinistra and Septima.

This was certainly excessive. Had it only been Dumbledore who was losing his senses, Minerva would have pondered her alternatives. However, considering that the Minister and her fellow professors might be employing similar tactics to him, she realized that the choice was between one mad plan or the other.

"Ah, organization, almost magical, don't you think?" the headmaster exclaimed excitedly as he admired the corkboard before him. "Anyway, let's put ourselves to work. First — Pomona. Tell me more about this project she has in mind to further her misguided Husan intentions," he said, disgusted face appearing at the sole mention of the word.

"I beg your pardon? Husan?"

"Why, yes. We need new terminology to discuss this efficiently. Husan shall be our way to refer to the foolish idea of pairing Harry with Miss Bones, not unlike the terms we use for Harmony or Hansy. It's only proper."

"I… see…" Minerva said, managing to keep herself from rolling her eyes. The old witch sighed in defeat and went on to explain the situation. "Pomona's planning on handing screechsnaps to each pair of students, to keep throughout the school year, as some sort of baby to look after. As you can imagine, Miss Bones and Mr Potter are meant to be partners."

"This is foul trickery! She's doing this just to make up for the fact that the two of them are in different houses. Simply preposterous! What's the point of putting so much effort into dividing the students if she's so willing to mock the barriers that were so earnestly put in place?" Dumbledore complained, rubbing his temple before turning back to Minerva. "Can something be done to stop this blatant abuse of power?"

Not for the first time, the headmaster's reaction made Minerva wonder if this meeting was merely a dream. Perhaps the whole day had been a consequence of a tiring first week and she wouldn't even have to endure the insulting inspection Umbridge was supposed to perform the following day.

She decided to answer as matter-of-factly as possible. "I would advise against it. It's her subject and the assignment falls within the expectations of the curriculum. With the exception of firing her, there's nothing that can be done."

Minerva peeked at him over her glasses, waiting to see how far he was willing to go for Harmony.

Professor Dumbledore snorted in irritation. "No, firing staff is far too extreme and would only cause more people to be forced upon us by the Ministry," he muttered, and then moved his wand lazily to the corkboard where a screechsnap drawing soon appeared under the yellow-yarned side. He scratched his chin, then turned his attention to another side of the board. "What about Charry?"

Minerva arched an eyebrow, not even bothering to comment on the nickname this time. "Filius has an uphill task considering Miss Chang is one year ahead of Mr Potter," she started. "Still… I wouldn't rule him out. Filius is resourceful. He prefers keeping his cards close to the chest, but it would be a mistake to assume he doesn't have some sort of a plan."

"Ravenclaws do prove to be formidable opponents, when they actually focus on an interesting matter for a change," Dumbledore said worriedly. "Very well… we'll deal with Charry supporters accordingly once we get more information on their movements."

The headmaster turned his attention back to the board, looking curiously at it as if a clue could be revealed to him now that he had the scenario laid out like that.

But Minerva couldn't take it any longer, she had to intervene. "Albus? If, as you say, getting Mr Potter romantically involved with someone who isn't Pansy Parkinson is our objective, shouldn't we join forces with our allies instead of plotting against each other like some parrying pack of parrots?" she dared ask. "What I mean is… I believe we should compromise."

"Minerva!" Dumbledore turned to her at once. His half-moon spectacles fell two inches down his nose as he stared at her in complete surprise.

The scandalized reaction was hard to ignore, yet Minerva didn't let that stop her from voicing her misgivings. "From what I've heard, Mr Potter and Miss Chang already feel some sort of affinity for each other, and may be on the path to a relationship even without any sort of intervention. The girl appears to be as good a match as any to me, so why don't we join Filius and let go of this charade of an argument?"

Professor Dumbledore frowned, ready to argue back; nevertheless, he refrained himself in favor of a more measured response. "Minerva, you are my most vital support for this, I cannot have you doubting our purpose. Yes, Charry would be the quickest path away from the claws of the Minister, but in spite of it, we have to ask ourselves if that is the correct decision. Harry's very future is at stake here."

"I'm sorry Albus, but I don't understand how Miss Chang can be such a threat to Mr Potter's future, or to the war effort for that matter."

The tone the headmaster used next was one of utter seriousness. "Miss Chang is not aware of the Order, nor can she provide academic and emotional support as wonderfully as Miss Granger certainly can. You must also admit Miss Granger has an uncanny eye to find just the right information to solve a mystery, no matter how obscure it may be," he said, taking his time with his words. "Danger is upon us as we speak, and it is evident that quick and half-fulfilling solutions will only take us so far. Inarguably, the time has come for us to make a decision, a choice between what is easy and what is right. It may be that there is more ground to cover with Miss Granger, yet you must realize that the rewards reaped from Charry will never match those that only Harmony will bring. Without Harmony, we leave the future to chance."

Oh, he's so full of it.

Minerva opened her mouth again, unsure if arguing would be anything but a waste of energy. "Albus…"

In a swift motion, the old wizard walked to Minerva and took her hands as he looked at her with pleading eyes. "Please, Minerva, I cannot lose you now. Can I still count on you?"

It was a ludicrous plan, but still, what other option did she have? Join Pomona or Filius on an equally insane mission? Do nothing and wait for the Minister's or You-Know-Who's plans to come into fruition? She hated to admit it, but she couldn't abandon Dumbledore's side now.

Minerva shrugged.

"Marvelous! Thanks to you we still have a chance," Dumbledore beamed as he headed back to the corkboard. "Now, there's no time to lose. What do we know about Hansy?"

Minerva recounted the weekend events, in which Dolores Umbridge had confronted her in a corridor and accused her of using wicked tricks to steal Mr Potter's affections from the rightful path of honor laid out by the Minister. That vile woman had promised to retaliate in kind, but Minerva had no clue of what she might be up to.

"Whatever they're conceiving, it's more than likely despicable," the headmaster muttered judgementally with a frown. "I fear Dolores Umbridge will try to come after the Harmony shirts, but I believe we can handle that turn of events. Preparing for it should be straightforward, all we need is a Muggle dartboard and some—"

But whatever else they needed Minerva never found out, because they were interrupted by the roaring sound of the fireplace. Minerva and Albus turned at once and, as they recognized the person in the green flames, they rushed there in a hurry.

"By all that's sacred! Sirius! What are you doing here?!" Minerva bellowed.

"I needed a word, why else would I do this?" the man said. It was clear he was upset.

The headmaster didn't look happy either, "This was foolish of you! The Ministry could be tapping in our Floo connections, I thought I had made that clear. What brought about this reckless demonstration?"

Sirius wasn't cowed by Albus. "How could I not? It's been a week since anyone from the Order came by and I've about had it with having my arse stuck in this awful place without knowing or doing anything."

"You know perfectly well that remaining in hiding is a necessary precaution that—"

"Oh, bugger off with all that crap!" Sirius spat back, causing Minerva's eyebrows to creep higher up on her forehead. "You talk about what you left clear and what you know, but for every thing you share there's some trick you're hiding beneath that long shiny sleeve of yours, isn't there?"

With the exception of his right eyebrow, which arched slightly, the headmaster remained expressionless. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Is that so? Then what's this rubbish I'm hearing about you playing cupid with Harry?"

Minerva was taken aback by Sirius' brazen intrusion and awareness of Hogwarts' events. While it would have been proper to reprimand him for contacting them so casually — especially in his wanted-man status — Minerva was curious to see how Dumbledore would answer to that. Crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow at the headmaster, she awaited his response.

"Who told you that?" Albus asked darkly.

"Harry, of course. He even mentioned your little stunt with the shirts, professor." Sirius turned his accusing eyes towards Minerva.

It was Minerva's turn to be put on the spot. Embarrassment came to her and made it difficult to form a reply. There was nothing she hated more than not being able to justify her actions.

"When did you contact Harry?" Dumbledore asked promptly instead.

"I floo'd the common room yesterday."

"Sirius!" Minerva cried, finding her voice.

"I would have come to you sooner if Remus hadn't insisted on me cooling down. Well, I'm calm now! What do you two have to say for yourselves?" Sirius almost growled.

In Minerva's opinion, the man didn't sound even remotely calm.

"There's more to it than what you think."

"What I think? We'll see to that. Molly is writing letters as we speak by the way, and I could swear there was a howler with your name in there. She isn't thrilled either. Her hopes were that Harry would end up with Ginny."

Professor Dumbledore snorted loudly, only slightly preoccupied by the threat of a Molly Weasley howler. "Hinny? Ha! Isn't that convenient? If Molly had it her way they would all be one big Weasley family, but she's forgetting the fact that her daughter barely even talks to Harry," he stated, unable to hide his annoyance. "What sort of relationship is there between them? How well do they know each other?"

"Albus, I don't think that's the point of…"

"It is, Minerva. Or are any of you going to tell me that Harry and Miss Weasley suddenly belong together just because she's a redhead like his mother? Because I don't see any other thing that could possibly connect Harry to her."

A tired sigh escaped Minerva. Her head had a light throb to it now.

"Fair point. If he did get to know her, he would discover Ginny has quite a temper," Sirius added, nodding empathetically from the fireplace.

Dumbledore seemed delighted to have Sirius agree with him. "Precisely! This whole thing about personalities that complement one another is nonsense, if you ask me. What Harry needs is someone who is compassionate and understands him. We could use your help on this Harmony boat."

As she witnessed the exchange before her, Minerva was stunned to realize that the conversation had turned towards who was the right romantic partner for Mr Potter, instead of discussing why they were interfering with the boy's personal life. She had hoped Sirius' anger was directed towards that, however it appeared even he chose to act without reason.

"Look, Albus," Sirius said, pondering his words carefully. "I don't have anything against Hermione, I owe her a good deal and I'm fond of her. I don't forget she's been a great friend to Harry either. However, she's just as wrong for my godson as Ginny."

"You can't possibly mean that," the headmaster said, bewildered.

"I do. Hermione is too bookish for Harry, also — and I mean it in the best of ways — she's rather boring."

Professor Dumbledore gasped. "Take that back."

"Make me."

Oh, I'm dealing with a band of children!

"What is the meaning of this, Sirius? I hope you're not suggesting another candidate." Minerva said.

"I bloody well am."

That headache was coming on strong now. "Oh, honestly! You must be out of your mind!"

"Not in the slightest."

Minerva rubbed her forehead. "I'm going to regret asking this…" she muttered before raising her voice, exasperated. "And who, if you allow me the question, do you have in mind?"

"No one in particular," he said, though he unwittingly moved his eyes away. He was blatantly lying. "A cheerful lady who knows how to have fun, for one. Someone who can make Harry smile and turn all his days into a wicked adventure. Merlin knows he's had enough gloom to last a lifetime."

"You can't just laugh in the face of Voldemort's threat, as you should be aware," Dumbledore replied.

Sirius didn't seem to hear him, and a mischievous smile became distinguishable in the fireplace's flames. "If this girl has more to offer in the looks department, I can bet Harry won't mind."

"Oh for Merlin's sake!" Minerva exclaimed.

"Not Lavender Brown!" the headmaster hurried to say.

Sirius almost barked a laugh. "I don't even know who that is. No, I was thinking of someone like my cousin," he finally proposed.

"Tonks? Are you out of your mind? She's of age!" Minerva yelped, scandalized.

"She's not that old, barely a few years older…"

"Still an adult! I won't have her dating a student; I can't believe I even have to say this."

"I mean, there's a bigger age-gap between Tonks and Remus," Sirius argued.

"And what does that have to do with anything?" Minerva replied, holding back her fury. She couldn't believe she was having this conversation. Hopefully Tonks wasn't a part of this, or she would have to have a word with her.

"She can wait a few years, and just imagine their kids. Blue hair! How brilliant is that?" Sirius even dared to say.

No matter how many arguments Minerva threw at him, Sirius didn't seem to care. In the end he left still holding that ridiculous idea of his, promising to not stay idle while they went on with their plans.

"This is disastrous!" Minerva declared as she let herself fall back onto her chair.

"Indeed," Dumbledore agreed, just as troubled, his eyes slowly moving towards his corkboard. "We're going to need a bigger board."

o0o0o

After the horror that was the first week of the term, Harry had half-hoped the second one would end up being at least a little more bearable. The bar was already set so low, so it wasn't like he was asking for any sort of miracle. As he soon realized though, he should've known better than to trust anything to his blasted luck.

Between the continuous madness of the professors — who were still keen on pairing Harry with one girl or another — and earning himself a new week of detentions with Umbridge, Monday turned out to be just as terrible as the previous week. People kept whispering wherever he went, but now Harry couldn't tell when they were going on about the Ministry's lies about him and when they were making guesses on which girl he actually fancied.

The whole pairing rubbish was starting to get on Harry's nerves. It wasn't just that it was embarrassing and put everyone's attention further away from Voldemort, it also diminished his chances with Cho — who was the only one Harry was honestly interested in. Over the weekend, he had stumbled upon her at the Owlery, yet she had looked distant and their conversation had been short. It wasn't until Cho had left that Harry realized she had asked how things were going with Hermione and he had brainlessly answered that it was all brilliant. He was left beating himself up over it, wondering if his words might have disappointed her in any way.

Tuesday was far from a relief. Breakfast was marked by Angelina shouting at him for landing his arse in detention again and McGonagall taking points from him for the same reason. As if he had done that on purpose for the joy of spending more quality time with Umbridge.

A letter from Sirius, written in the same vague tone as the one Harry had sent before, proved to be the only positive thing that morning.

Dear Harry,

School is quite a ride. When brilliant, it's the most amazing of times; when it's awful, you almost wish you were stuck in some creepy old place instead. I believe you're more than capable of handling things by yourself, but if I can be of any help never hesitate to reach out.

In that regard, I did look into what I promised to do and don't worry, I'll keep tabs on it. I do have some piece of advice in this girl problem of yours though: don't pay it much mind. The best course of action is to ignore other people's ramblings about romance. You have enough to keep an eye on without looking for love at fifteen; trust me, schoolgirls are fun, but will only further complicate your life. Who knows? Maybe once you finish school you'll find a dashing woman waiting to sweep you off your feet. One with striking good looks, I'm sure.

That's all for now. Don't forget to write, I want to know how things go.

Snuffles

It was a sound piece of advice, even if somewhat unexpected. A part of Harry had thought Sirius might encourage him to take advantage of the situation and get himself a girlfriend, however it seemed like he was a more thoughtful adult figure than he had given him credit for.

"It was reckless. Almost as much as his casual visit to our fireplace the other day. He shouldn't have done it," Hermione muttered as they left the Great Hall to head towards their first class of the day.

"It's not like he said anything more about my scar. This letter is harmless. You wouldn't know what he meant."

"Hush!" Hermione exclaimed, turning to make sure no one was near. "That's besides the point. Letters are dangerous now, he said that himself."

Harry didn't answer. He still felt guilty that Sirius had to stay hidden in that house he hated so much.

"So, are you taking his advice? About them — the girls I mean," Ron asked without meeting his eyes. Although he had made peace with Hermione and kept his exchanges with her a tad more cordial than usual, Ron still avoided any direct mention to the topic of pairings if he could help it. Even more so when it involved Hermione or the Harmony shirts in any capacity.

"I reckon it's a better advice than Percy's."

"Don't talk me about that git!" Ron snapped with an instant frown.

Over the weekend Percy had sent Ron a letter detailing the advantages of distancing himself from Harry. It had been a laughable read, and at the end of it Percy had wrote that Harry's only chance was to start dating Pansy Parkinson — who apparently was the only girl capable of 'salvaging Potter's damaged reputation' and return him to the righteous path laid out by the Ministry.

If a kiss from Pansy was the cost of salvaging his reputation, Harry would rather keeping it soiled.

An idle shrug was Harry's answer to Ron's previous question. He didn't want to deal with whatever romantic ideas the Ministry or the professors had, but he wasn't eager to stay away from all girls either. He certainly wanted to keep his opportunities open with Cho. "I think that avoiding anything remotely romantic might help. It should at least calm some of the gossiping," he conceded, though he only half meant it.

"We can only hope," Hermione agreed, with her eyes focused in front of her. She had also been balking away from any discussion involving the pairings, especially when it wasn't strictly related to denouncing the professors' unconventional behaviour.

Harry's bad luck continued in Charms, where Professor Flitwick suddenly decided to surprise them with an early test to assess their previous knowledge. It was excruciatingly long for a simple assessment, and harder than it had any right to be. To make things worse, by the end of it, Harry was certain he had gotten the most difficult of the three exams.

The sour feeling from the test wasn't gone yet after the break, when they were cornered in the Transfiguration Courtyard by Pansy Parkinson. The group of presumptuous girls who frequently chummed around with her were glaringly absent.

"Potter!" she bellowed.

They stopped to face her. The moment Harry noticed who it was, he rushed to hide his hand behind his back.

Hermione rolled her eyes tiredly. "What do you want, Pansy?"

"This is none of your business," she spat before turning to Harry. "I don't know what you told Professor Umbridge, but it will stop now. I want no part in this silly game of yours."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked, frowning.

"Don't play dense with me, you know exactly what I mean," she said loudly, crossing her arms. Throughout the courtyard, the crowd of students passing by glanced at them curiously. "You told Umbridge you fancy me and she's saying things about it in class. Well, don't let your hopes up, the very idea sickens me."

Ron coughed loudly, earning a glare from Pansy. Meanwhile, Harry and Hermione exchanged looks of disbelief. The words from Percy's letter feeling suddenly less comical now that they had a shirty Pansy before them.

Granted, Dolores Umbridge was hellbent on making Harry twist and turn to whichever direction the Minister's lies pointed, but jumping from that to trying to help him romantically was just absurd. Actually, Harry had hoped she wouldn't attempt anything like the other teachers had outside of detention hours, but as usual he had been painfully wrong.

She had chosen the worst of people as well.

While Susan Bones or Hermione had felt weird enough, Umbridge championing Pansy was downright ridiculous. No matter how much the woman complimented Pansy's name in Harry's detentions, or how many hearts inscribed with their names she made him scrawl, there was no way in hell Harry would ever see her in that way. Looks aside, Pansy Parkinson took joy in being mean to others and prided herself as being superior to anyone she deemed to be of a lower class, something Harry despised.

"Look, I'm not interested, alright? Umbridge got it wrong, and I had nothing to do with it," Harry said in frustration.

"That's not what she says."

Harry felt his face growing hotter while Ron fought between frowning in disapproval and being amused by the situation. However, a trio joined them before Harry could reply.

"Now that's an unusual choice to expand your little group," said Fred, who was joined by George and Lee Jordan. The rest of the seventh year Gryffindors had been passing by, likely on their way to the greenhouses or some other class.

"There's nothing going on here. Pansy was just leaving, and we have to get to Transfiguration," Hermione said pointedly.

Pansy snorted. "I wouldn't even think about fraternizing with the likes of you. I was only telling Potter to stop his advances on me. I'm not interested in the slightest."

The twins looked at Harry oddly, who blushed and struggled to find a way to deny it.

"Come on! You can't have them all, mate," Lee teased Harry.

"I'm not— Oh, forget it."

Pansy was annoyed by her new audience, yet her focus remained on Harry. "I'm warning you, Potter. Stay away. I'm not another cheap flirt begging to be part of your collection…" she glanced at Hermione in a quick dismissive way. "Unlike others."

"Why you —"

Hermione made an effort to keep Ron from doing anything to Pansy. The twins and Lee weren't too happy either. Fred cut Harry off before he replied to Pansy. "Leave it, Harry. She won't turn anywhere else until she gets an answer from Malfoy."

"Been on the waiting list there for a while, I reckon. Can't let all that effort go to waste, can she?" George added.

"Shut it!" Pansy shouted, almost boiling in rage. "I would save my comments if I were you. You— you—" she stopped briefly to compose herself. "Nevermind, you're not worth it. And besides, the only things your kind knows how to save are old rags and leftovers."

After that, the girl left with a huff, leaving the Weasleys fuming.

"Man, she's something! You sure know how to pick them," said Lee.

"I don't. She came all by herself," Harry told him.

"That cow! Who does she think she is?" Hermione fumed.

"Relax Hermione, she'll come around," Fred said between gritted teeth, though he gave George a mischievous wink.

A couple of seconds later, his brother grinned back. "Oh, I bet she will."

"Wait, no! What do you—" Hermione started, but before she could question the twins further, they sprinted away dragging Lee along. "They have something in mind, I'm sure. It better not involve the testing of any dodgy joke product."

Harry shrugged.

As it turned out, Transfiguration wasn't half as bad as Harry had imagined, especially considering that Umbridge's presence in the classroom took him by surprise. There was undoubtedly a lot of homework related to Vanishing Spells, not to mention that his Harmony shirt was far from what what McGonagall had envisioned, but it was worth it just to witness the professor putting Umbridge in her rightful place. The old toad was quick to question the shirts' assignment, at which McGonagall gave a thorough explanation on the task's academic merits. When pressed about the specific choice of Harry's and Hermione's names, McGonagall assured that it had been a random pick; she even summoned a Muggle dartboard with the names of all the students in the class, and a couple of darts were stuck to Harry's and Hermione's names. It was by all means an unconventional way of choosing, but the livid Umbridge couldn't prove any misbehavior on McGonagall's part.

There was little enjoyment in the rest of the day. In Care of Magical Creatures, Umbridge made a second appearance; even when Hagrid was still absent, that didn't stop her from throwing nasty remarks at the half-giant that Harry could barely stand. She was also infuriated at being unable to dismantle the working pair of Harry and Hermione, still, Professor Grubbly-Plank was as skilled in defending her teaching assignments as McGonagall.

Herbology came next, and in it they were informed of the upcoming year-long project. Harry and Susan would have to take care of a young screechsnap, which involved working closely together in and out of the greenhouses to achieve a good grade.

The day was, of course, capped by a visit to Umbridge's office and that cursed quill of hers. All along, the memory of Pansy's vicious words kept coming to Harry with each stroke he made.

When Harry woke up on Wednesday, he was almost expecting another terrible day, but things took a turn he did not anticipate. Breakfast was peaceful enough and he even got an unexpected letter from Mrs Weasley, who reassured him that the Weasleys were as good as family to him, and that they would always be so. A welcomed message, especially after the laughable and off-putting letter Percy sent Ron over the weekend.

Before they left for classes, Angelina apologized for her outburst of the previous day and it even seemed like Pansy waved at them.

"Was she smiling?" Harry asked incredulously as they left the Great Hall.

Hermione looked doubtful while Ron merely chuckled.

"No way in hell! She doesn't know how to, bet she's trying to growl or something. More likely that you're seeing things, mate."

Ron's words made Harry uneasy, remembering those winged creatures that had pulled the carriages from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts and which he'd glimpsed again from the Owlery on Saturday.

Divination was as good as it could ever be. There was no surprise exam and Trelawney only predicted Harry's death twice. Unlike the day before, their break didn't include a loud girl accusing him of anything. Instead, only Ginny approached them.

"Erm, Harry? Mum didn't write to you this morning, did she?" she asked, struggling to meet his eyes as she pressed a book a bit too tightly against her chest.

"She did, actually."

Ginny's eyes widened, and she looked properly terrified. "Did she say anything embarrassing?"

That took Harry aback. Mrs Weasley's letter had been reassuring, yet there was nothing in there that he could consider embarrassing. "Not that I can think of. Was she supposed to?"

"No! Of course not. Anyway, nice to see you," she said hurriedly before bolting away without giving him a chance to ask any more questions.

Harry turned to Ron with confusion written all over his face. "Don't look at me," Ron told him, "I don't know what the hell that was about. She's bonkers like that."

The real surprise came at lunch when Umbridge approached the Gryffindor table to address Harry directly. It put him on edge, and in the distance he could see McGonagall studying them attentively.

Umbridge cleared her throat. "Mr Potter, I wanted to inform you that your detentions have been rescinded for the time being. Behave yourself and you won't have to meet me in my office anymore."

It was as if lightning had struck Harry in his spot, he had almost dropped the sandwich he was holding. This day was too good to be true.

"What? Why?"

Not the best of responses.

"Disappointed? If you would rather keep attending detentions, I'm sure we can arrange something," Umbridge said with a wide smile.

"No, of course not."

"So be it. See you in class then," Umbridge said innocently. "Be sure to thank Miss Parkinson for this. She is a charming young woman and made a compelling case on your behalf."

Pansy had asked Umbridge to discontinue his detentions? And Umbridge had listened? The whole day was probably a dream and he would wake up in his bed any moment now.

Once Umbridge left, Harry noticed Ron's and Hermione's perplexed faces directed towards the Slytherin table. He hesitated for a moment, before eventually turning in the same direction. There, he found Pansy waving at him; she even winked at him.

Harry almost spilled his juice in surprise.

"Bloody hell!" Ron muttered, noticing it as well. He soon shook his head. "Don't fall for it, it's just a trick of some sort!"

"Either that or true love," Fred said as he and George walked over to them, both wearing equally suspicious grins.

"What did you do?" Hermione asked at once. "This is one of your products, isn't it?"

"It doesn't look like her nose is bleeding," Harry said, recalling that disastrous Quidditch practice.

"Oh, I wonder why that would be," George said, tapping his chin in puzzlement. "I would venture to say — and this is merely a guess — that if someone would've hypothetically spiked her drink this morning, this imaginary person could have used something different from a Nosebleed Nougat."

Fred nodded. "Though, curiously, I could picture this new hypothetical product sharing some common ingredients with the nougat."

"What did you give her?" Hermione demanded, her brow dropping dangerously close to her eyes.

"Don't look at us, we're as innocent as a cabbage," one of the twins said, winking at Harry. "However, if you want an expert insight on the matter, it seems to me Parkinson might have had something akin to a love potion."

"A love potion! That's— that's outrageous! How could you do something like that?"

"Oh, take it easy. It's weak, it'll be gone by tomorrow," Fred said, dropping all pretenses of innocence. "Besides, she basically asked for it yesterday."

"Which is fortunate considering we've been looking for a volunteer to try that one for a while."

"That doesn't make it right!"

Harry didn't know how to feel. Of course he had been mad at Pansy for what she had said, but this felt odd even if the potion wouldn't last long. He wasn't keen on Pansy behaving even slightly romantically towards him either; that would be strange and would only bring more attention to the matter. On the other hand, detentions with Umbridge were horrible, and he was glad to not have to endure another one of them for the time being.

At the Slytherin table, Pansy was getting nasty looks from her peers who had noticed her dreamy fixation on Harry. Draco said something to her in clear annoyance, which ended with Pansy shoving him away and going back to swooning over Harry from a distance. She even sent a kiss his way.

"Brilliant, but next time, please don't help me," Harry said awkwardly. "You say this thing will have run its course by tomorrow?"

"Positive! Almost sixty percent sure of that," George assured him. "And this thing has a name. We like to call it Flirting Fancies, patent pending." His voice was loud enough for some of his potential customers at the table to hear. A few girls did appear interested.

"Come to think of it, Flirting Pansies wouldn't be a bad name either," Fred added, scratching his temple.

"Certainly. Hmmm, tough choice."

Harry and his friends parted ways with the twins after lunch. As they walked to the greenhouses, Hermione was still ranting about the twins' actions and how unknowing subjects were even worse than volunteers. Ron made a few attempts to change the topic, and Harry just stayed away from it. He only hoped that they could avoid Pansy for the remainder of the day.

Not likely, if I judge by my usual luck.

Once Professor Sprout strutted into her class gleefully, all worry about Pansy became less pressing. Sprout went on making the class as embarrassing as possible. When the professor assigned the screechsnaps to each pair, she asked Harry and Susan loudly what they were going to name their "baby". Harry coughed loudly while Susan hid bashfully behind her hands; in the end they reluctantly named it Violet, which was its color anyway. The screechsnap wasn't that excited about it, as its screeches sounded an awful lot like complaints.

"I can keep it until Friday and you can watch it over the weekend, or we can swap if you prefer it that way. I really don't mind," Susan told him shyly on their way out of class, only turning away occasionally to frown at her group of giggling friends who watched from a distance. "We would need a place to work on the reports and to coordinate. We need to make sure to keep the right amount of fertilizer on Violet at all times. What do you think?"

Harry nodded, willing to agree to almost anything to take off from there. Susan wasn't annoying by any means, but whenever Ernie saw them together he gave Harry an approving nod, which he would rather avoid. Even so, before Harry could get back to Ron and Hermione, a new voice thundered across the grounds.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Pansy shouted as she strode towards them.

"Pansy? What are you—"

The Slytherin girl, who was already standing in front of them, wasn't exploding at Harry this time though. Pansy's expression actually softened when she turned to Harry. "This is not about you, hon," she said before spinning menacingly to glare at Susan. "What are you doing with my man?"

Hon? Her what now? What in the

Susan was gobsmacked, still carrying Violet's pot in her hands. "We were just talking about an Herbology assignment. Your man? Are you two…"

"NO! No, we aren't!" Harry shouted in horror.

That didn't discourage Pansy, "We're getting there," she said, taking Harry's hand in hers as Harry attempted to wrestle it away, terrified that she might notice what was written there. "So I would appreciate it if you and that Granger tramp didn't interfere."

"Oy!" Ron yelled as he reached them, Hermione coming close behind him carrying their own screechsnap. All around them, the other Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs were gathering to watch.

Perfect.

"Look, Pansy, I thank you for what you told Umbridge, but you're confused. We don't fancy each other," Harry told her, reminding himself that as horrible as the girl was, she wasn't herself.

Pansy's expression hardened. "Is this about Granger or Bones? I know that Professor Vector is doing some stupid numbers predicting you're meant for Chang as well. All of it rubbish."

"What? No! Hermione is just a friend! Susan and I are working together for a class assignment," Harry hurried to say with a blush, hoping no one would ask him directly about Cho.

Susan nodded in agreement, looking quite flushed. Violet seemed to do so as well. Regardless of that, Ernie was guiding a few Hufflepuffs in the back to shout in favour of Susan. On the Gryffindor side, Ron was trying to smack Seamus out of his Harmony chanting. Harry didn't know how a handful of Ravenclaws got there, but they started supporting Cho in what was effectively a house argument. Thankfully, there were no Slytherins in sight.

What a mad turn of events.

Hermione huffed. "You're under some potion, Pansy. You're not yourself. And Harry is right, I see him only as a friend."

"Yeah, right. He's stunning and you're more than aware of his good looks. You're a mudblood, but not blind," Pansy pointed at her so hard that she almost pushed Hermione. There were gasps and the whole kerfuffle grew so much that the crowd suffocated Pansy's arguments and Ron's cursing for a while. Harry didn't know how, but he ended up trying to pull Pansy back as Hermione did the same with Ron.

When things quieted down, Pansy turned and pinched Harry's cheek playfully. She started talking to him with the most uncomfortable of pet voices as she bit her lower lip in an attempt to be seductive. "Just look at you, Potter. Such a piece of work. You deserve five points for being so handsome."

Hermione scoffed irritably. "Prefects cannot award points, much less for such an unwarranted reason!" she said, scandalized.

"I know that, you noisy know-it-all!" Pansy retorted, "I only said he deserved it. I would give his nice bum five points too, if I could."

The crowd was at its loudest and Susan was blushing as she gave him a quick glance. Harry turned scarlet and wished he could apparate away, but granted, he didn't know how and one couldn't do that inside Hogwarts.

Professor Sprout arrived, attracted by the commotion, asking who dared bother her favourite couple.

"You know what? We'll talk tomorrow, if you still want to," Harry told Pansy, remembering that the twins promised that the potion would wear off by then.

It better be; Fred and George are going to get some words from me regardless.

"Is that a date?"

The crowd all turned to Harry, Professor Sprout did too after a loud gasp.

"Call it whatever you want. We'll just talk. Tomorrow."

"Fine, it's a date then," Pansy announced to all, in a prideful tone. "See you then, hon."

Pansy then took Harry by surprise by planting a hard kiss on his lips. Her touch was decisive and enthusiastic, and the whole thing was over before he even realized what was happening.

The crowd was left dead silent. Ron and Hermione were staring at Harry, looking just as dumbfounded as he felt. Harry stayed gaping blankly at Pansy, unsure of how that had happened.

Brilliant. I didn't wake up this morning expecting to get my first kiss, much less from Pansy Parkinson.

"What a nerve!" Professor Sprout shouted. "Ten points from Slytherin for such a deceitful display!"

With a careless shrug Pansy went on her way, looking as if Christmas had arrived earlier for her.

The crowd dispersed with odd looks thrown at Harry, not without some final words from Professor Sprout. "From now on anyone kissing Mr Potter will get detention, you've all been warned," she announced, before adding, "Only Miss Bones is exempt from this rule."

As the scores of people headed back to the castle, Harry could only imagine how much gossiping material had been given to them that day. Skipping dinner altogether sounded like a splendid idea as things were.

Next to him, his friends followed mostly in silence, Ron only patting his back heavily. He was sure Ron would never let him forget that kiss, though thankfully he wasn't saying anything just yet. In his head, all that Harry could think of was Cho, and what she would think of this whole mess.

After a frustrated groan, Harry went on. He wished deeply that all of this madness would soon come to an end, yet he had a pressing feeling that it was quite far from it.