Chapter 20 No Longer Alone
'You'll carry all this on your own to your brother's house?' Roger's eyes looked at her in worried wonder.
'Yes.' Belle felt her face get warm, embarrassment over the state of things at Morris' house growing stronger with each thing revealed. She hated to worry him, but she was also determined to be honest with him. He had been willing to speak of the pain that was still so fresh for him, just because she had selfishly blurted that he hadn't been open with her. He was so much better than the heroic lonely soldier that she had conjured up.
'And you do this every week?' He seemed horrified.
'No, I, um…' her stomach flopped in her chest at the mortification of what she was to reveal. 'I normally have my bike with a basket in the front, however, it was…confiscated.'
Rogers' face went into even more lines than before, making his features sharp as knives. His look might be considered frightening, if she didn't realize the sharpness wasn't at her, it was for her. It was a novel idea that someone cared so much what happened to her. Granny cared, but had so much on her mind of late, Leroy would have stared down Morris (or up, as the case would have been), if he had some inkling, but he too, had his own worries to deal with. This, the look that Roger gave her as he stared back at her, was something she didn't know she needed, but she found it to be true, all the same.
'Confiscated?!' His eyes had gone wide. 'This is about me coming over, isn't it.' it wasn't a question.
'Sort of-that and me defying him in front of company' she said looking down at the pavement, hating that he knew how she was not much more than a child, getting punished for her perceived wrong doings-that she felt unable to do anything about it until she could get out of his house, once and for all.
'What else, Belle? What else did he do last night? Long night, long morning, you said? What else did he do?' When she glanced up his brown eyes were so soft and pleading.
'You are right, he wasn't pleased, but it wasn't just because you were there, and even if it was, I wouldn't want you to feel like you had done something wrong. I am so glad you came, Roger.' She smiled at him. He had to believe that-for no matter how horrible the night and morning had been, she had the thoughts and memories that Roger had come. He had traveled all the way from Texas, to meet her. It both humbled and excited her. His soft eyes and caring manner made her wonder if perhaps he could feel for her (even if it was not to the same degree) as she had come to feel for him. His physical presence had only solidified it. The way her heart and soul felt towards the conjured version from the letter, made uncomfortable momentarily from being presented with a shy, equally uncomfortable flesh and blood man, then to become only more-she wasn't quite sure of how to describe her feelings-but the flesh and blood man was the Roger from her letters, only so much better because he was here with his brown eyes and his mop of brown hair (she felt that mop was an accurate way to describe it. The hairs were fine and as they grew from the cut she knew he had gotten when he was in the army. The months of recovery had not seen scissors upon his head and it now fell in short wisps around his eyes). So yes, the man in the letters and the man that stood, one of the large sacks of groceries in his hands, cane in another, yet refusing to give it to her to balance it with the woven bag of fresh produce she had on her arm, flabbergasted that she must walk, they were the same person, the same soul, and she found she cared a great deal for one, Roger Gold. That meant that no matter if she had to walk the five miles in the warm sun with grocery sacks in her hands, with a head still throbbing from the night before, it was worth being with Roger.
Roger didn't smile back at Belle. His face was still wrinkled over with concern.
'He said he didn't know we were having guests, didn't like that we had a guest that he didn't know about, especially with the inspection coming Monday. Really he didn't like being in the dark-I've yet to understand him completely, but he doesn't like being shown up, and that happened a few times last night.' Belle's teeth went instinctively to her bottom lip, remembering the lecture about how as the head of the family he was to know who came in and who went out and when they did, and why they did and how that Belle was a constant thorn in his flesh-constantly going against the order of his household, she was a selfish creature, only thinking of her own determined desires, not giving a thought to those around her.
'I'm sorry, Belle, I shouldn't have come unannounced.' Now Roger looked down at the ground for a moment, so much self hatred radiated off of him that it was easy for her to distinguish the sentiment behind the words.
'Oh no! As I said before, I am so glad you came-I would not change a thing about what you did, or how you did it. Morris is-well, Morris. He cares a good deal too much about such things. It's my fault for not telling him about our correspondence, I suppose, but I didn't know what he might do, and I didn't want to give up our friendship.' She gave a half smile, and his eyes danced over her face as if searching for something.
'What did he do last night, Belle?' His voice plead along with his eyes this time. She needed to speak quickly so she could take the sack from Roger-it could not be comfortable to try to balance a sack and a prosthetic leg, though she dared not point out her worry.
'Gave me a lecture-he likes those.' She chuckled though not with true mirth. 'Said that I must not have had enough to do at the plant that day that I had time enough to entertain guests on top of everything else, so I could do some extra cleaning around the house that night. He also told me for arguing with him in front of you, I lost the bike-as if I was a child.' She whispered the last bit, embarrassed. 'But he might punish David instead, and he knows that bothers me more, so he threatens to do whatever it is to David if I don't follow through with what he wants.'
If she didn't have the mesh bag in her hands she would have been wringing them.
'Because he's done it before.' Roger half whispered. 'And you work for him at the factory? And let me guess, he thinks the couch he calls your bed and the little food he lets you eat...' His eyes scanned over her and she was embarrassed once again for how much she must have changed from the picture she had given. 'Is compensation enough for your efforts?'
'Yes.' Belle answered in the same tone.
His hand that held his cane began to squeeze the handle with knuckles turning white.
'And now, after you walked all the way here in the sun, he expects you to carry all this back yourself?'
Even Roger's eyes were sharp now.
'Yes, thankfully he's given me a bit more time to get back. Normally I'm on a bit of a deadline-I've fudged a little with stopping in at the library to get things set up with Mrs. Smith, but can normally make it back before he gets upset.'
'Has he-has he ever hurt you, Belle…physically, I mean.'
'No-he's never hit me. Pretended like he was going to last night, but no, he's never actually hit me-or even the boys. I think he prides himself that he's able to get our obedience without actually doing anything physically.'
A low, almost growl sound came from Roger's throat, though neither the sound nor his stormy looks frightened her. It was sweet really, no matter how equally embarrassing, how much it seemed to affect him. She had felt so alone for so long, and here was Roger, looking as if he were ready to charge forward and slay her dragons.
'I had a father…'
The change in conversation caused Belle to straighten-his alludment to his past always a thing he seemed to try not to speak of if he could.
'I had a father that makes me think a bit of your brother. Controlling, fighting against any form of perceived mutiny to his rule. Eventually such creatures, for I hate to call them men, will lash out when they think they are losing control.'
Belle's heart broke for her dearest friend. That he should have had such scum for a father. She then shook her head, her chest filled with nerves at the intent of his words. He was saying that one day, one day her biggest fear with Morris would be realized. She had been worried over what he might do when she told him she would no longer be working at the factory, this made her worry feel more realistic.
'Belle?'
Her eyes went up to his.
'Don't stay-please? I'll-I'll set you up in a room to stay in the hotel until you can go to the little boarding house-please-please don't stay in that house another moment.'
His eyes were more than pleading now, bits of panic encompassed them, her heart warmed at his care over her.
'I wouldn't want you to have to do that…' She began.
'I can't rest knowing you're there. Come, we'll get a cab to bring this to his house and you can pack your bags.'
She bit her lip again, though she began moving with him when she saw the strain he was under with the large sack. She could see that though he was begging, pleading, there was some steel determination under that hopeful demeanor that she hated to disappoint. She didn't want to stay at Morris' of course, but she also hated to burden his finances when he had no assurance of a job once he got to a larger city.
'I'll do this.' She said quietly once situated in the cab. 'But tomorrow, we'll go to church-if, if that's alright' Roger nodded. '-I haven't gotten to do that in a long time.' Roger's face was once again set in rigid lines. ' and I'll see Mrs. Taylor and see if I can go ahead and stay. I don't want you to have to pay needlessly. She was willing to take me on with Mrs. Smith's assurances and gave her word as a surety that I will have a steady job and will be able to pay at the month's end. I think she will let me come early, I was just going to do both at the same time-tell Morris on the same day I was to start and go to Mrs. Taylors. I-I've been worried how he'll take it. Thanks-Thanks for this. I think I can face him better with you there.'
He gave the first smile since their conversation began.
'I think you're braver than you give yourself credit. This brother of yours, though unworthy of such a title, has given you little choice-I understand that. You've done well with what you've had to work with. But Belle…'
The house came into view and Belle's body began to quiver, in spite of herself. A hand was placed over hers, and she looked up at Roger, his eyes so warm and intense.
'You are no longer alone, my dear friend.'
Author's Note:
History Stuff: Not much in this chapter. We have the tall paper sacks used at this time, and a crocheted/woven bag for produce (I thought she might bring that to put in her handlebars perhaps). I looked up all these things and they were there-hopefully it was accurate! Story stuff: Protective Gold has arrived! He's finally learning some of the stuff that's going on-you know-like 15 chapters after things started to get bad, lol Hopefully his perceptiveness is understandable too, because he had an abusive father-he knows how these things can be and sees the signs.
