Chapter 4

Things were busy at work for the next few days. The Allen case became bigger than they had expected and required some extra work with the FBI because the ransomware didn't appear to be Navy-related. The extra work meant later days and so Tim went home and not to Gibbs' place for the rest of the week. It gave him time to think about what Gibbs had said and to think about what he was going to say to Levi. The problem was that he didn't have time to confront him as he might have liked to do. So he was stewing more than he was angry as time went on. He still wanted to confront Levi about it, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to rip into him as he would have done on Monday.

Tim woke up early on Thursday morning, still stewing. Why had Levi told Ducky? How had Levi known at all? But even setting that aside since Levi just knew things sometimes, why had he chosen to do that?

Well, if it was a normal Thursday, then, he'd likely have a chance to ask since Levi was still keeping up being there. With that thought in mind, Tim got up and headed into the bathroom to change for running. He tried not to disturb Zahara. He always tried not to disturb his wife, no matter what. He just didn't succeed very often.

He looked at himself in the mirror for a moment. He didn't like what he saw there. Cynthia had warned him about the possibility of losing something of himself in his determination to keep himself and his family safe. She was right.

Tim sighed and gently touched the khamsa that he wore all the time. He almost never took it off. In fact, Zahara had got him a titanium chain to keep it safe so that it wouldn't ever fall off or break. If only it could really fix him.

One more sigh and he left the bathroom. Zahara was sitting up in bed.

"You're awake early," she said.

"Yeah. Nothing serious. Just couldn't sleep in," Tim said.

"You are running this morning?"

"Yeah. I might be a little late getting back."

Zahara smiled. "Of course. It's Thursday."

Tim smiled back. "I'll take Marra with me and give her a good run."

"Do not let her drag you this time."

Tim actually laughed at that. Marra wasn't a purebred Doberman, but none of her ancestors were small and once she had smelled something exciting and nearly taken Tim out in her attempt to get at it.

"I'll keep my eye on her, but she's getting better at it."

"At what? Dragging you or staying with you?" Zahara asked.

Tim laughed. "Maybe both."

Then, he left the bedroom. As soon as he did, Marra was running up the stairs, jumping around in her eagerness to go with him.

"Marra, sit," he said, keeping his voice low but firm.

It took her a moment but she obeyed.

"Good girl," he said and petted her. "You want to run with me, I take it?"

At the word run, Marra started fidgeting. Tim laughed.

"Okay. Let's go."

Marra ran down the stairs and to the back door to get her leash. She was back before Tim had gone down the stairs himself. Tim shook his head and clipped the leash on. She was still a puppy but she was nearly full grown which was proving a challenge. Still, he was happy to have a dog again and that she was so energetic, and Marra was accepting him as the "head of the pack" and she listened to him. He'd taken great pains to make sure that she was well-trained.

And most importantly, she would protect the family if it was necessary. Dobermans were well-known for their loyalty.

He drove over to his usual running route and got out. He got a good hold of the leash before he let Marra out of the car. She jumped around excitedly, and Tim was startled by a chuckle. He looked over and saw Norris standing there. Somehow, they'd become kind of friends. He never saw Norris anywhere but on his running route so on the days he ran elsewhere, he didn't see Norris at all, but it never seemed to matter. They'd run and then Norris would leave. Norris never complained. They didn't chat much, but Tim still liked having him there.

"I wasn't sure you'd be here," Tim said. "I'm a little earlier than usual."

"Not by much. Looks like Marra is ready for a run."

Tim smiled. "She's ready for something, and I'm not sure I'm ready for a dislocated shoulder."

Norris laughed. "Then, we'd better get going before that happens."

Tim nodded and they set off jogging. Marra easily kept pace. Tim knew that she could leave them behind but she was learning to stay with him. Zahara always made sure that she got some good time frolicking around off the leash. She had a lot of energy and deserved to use it.

They took a longer route since Tim was earlier than usual and they ran a bit faster. By the time they got back to the parking lot, Tim was definitely puffing a bit, but Marra still was energetic. Of course. However, she was panting and so, when Tim saw Levi sitting on his usual bench, he waved to Norris and then got some water out of the car for Marra and himself. Marra was happy enough to lap it up while Tim drank some himself and then walked over to the bench.

"You told Ducky about what I've been doing," he said.

Levi smiled. "Yes, I did."

"Why? I'd managed to keep it from all of my friends and I wanted it that way."

"I know you did."

"Then, why?" Tim asked. "No one needed to know. I didn't need them to start questioning me."

"Yes, you did."

"No."

"Yes. You need something unexpected, something outside of your own mind to get you to think more about what you're doing."

"Did Dr. Hicks put you up to this?" Tim asked, feeling very irritated.

Levi chuckled. "No. I can come up with ways of spoiling things all on my own."

That was the maddening thing about Levi, even now. Tim knew that he wouldn't apologize if he thought what he had done was for the best. He walked over and sat down on the bench a bit heavily.

"Tim, what you're doing matters and keeping it from your friends is wrong."

"It's just extra training."

"No, it's not. It's more than that and we both know it. While I'm glad to see that you're learning to accept help from the CIA, you need to acknowledge that you're not doing this just for extra training. It's more than that."

"How did you even find out?"

Levi smiled. "I almost never share out my sources. Letting a valuable source be known leads to that source losing its value. Besides, that's just a distraction from the important part of this."

Tim leaned over and rested his elbows on his knees. For whatever reason, he was always stymied by Levi's statements. He had been almost since he'd first been forced to interact with him. He wanted to rant and he just couldn't.

But then, Levi reminded him that he was different as well. He patted Tim on the back.

"This isn't what you want, Tim. Trying to hide stuff like this isn't really what you want. I'm not saying you want to tell your friends everything since I know that's not true, but you don't want to hide all this, not really."

"What I want is to stop feeling like this all the time and having to defend my choices all the time doesn't help that," Tim said.

"All the time?"

Tim rolled his eyes. Marra ran over to him and began licking his face. He sat up quickly, not that it helped. Marra jumped up and kept licking him.

"Marra! Stop that!"

She did, but she sat on her haunches and was clearly ready to resume if she judged that he needed it.

"I told Don because I knew that he was the most likely to listen and the most likely to be circumspect about who he chose to talk to. He wouldn't make a general announcement and I'm certain that he was adroit."

"He told Gibbs."

"And no one else?"

"Seems like it," Tim said reluctantly.

"It's good for you to have others know about what you're doing. I'm not letting you turn into me or worse than me, Tim. You'll just have to accept that."

"Sometimes... I think I understand why you did it."

"Don't. Don't understand that," Levi said, seriously. "There's nothing to be gained by trying. I was wrong, Tim. I made the wrong decision and I shouldn't have done it. So don't try to understand why I made that choice. It wasn't the right one."

Tim sighed again and then started to pet Marra before she could start trying to make him feel better again. He looked at his watch and knew it was time to get back so that he could eat breakfast with his family before heading to work.

"I've told who I'm going to tell, Tim. But you should think about why you're really hiding this from your friends. I realize that most people aren't like me and refuse to lie, but you shouldn't lie to yourself. No one should do that."

Then, Levi got up and walked away. To get a taxi, Tim knew. He wouldn't ever drive again. Tim sat on the bench for a minute and then looked at Marra.

"Okay. You ready to go home?"

Marra leapt around excitedly and Tim smiled at her antics. Like Jethro had in the past, Marra could cheer him up just by being so happy. He was glad that they'd chosen not to crop her ears or dock her tail. Not only did he think it was unnecessary since she'd never be a show dog (and he didn't understand putting a dog through unnecessary surgery just because someone decided that's what the breed should look like), he liked her floppy ears. It certainly made her look more friendly.

He walked back to the car and drove home. When he got there, he parked the car in the garage and went inside. As soon as he did, Salma was running over to him.

"Baba, can you come to school with me?" she begged. "Please, please, Baba. Min fadlak?"

"Whoa, wait a second," Tim said, smiling as Salma hugged him around the legs and Marra reacted to Salma's excitement by jumping around.

"Marra, come and eat," Zahara said.

At the word eat, Marra abandoned Tim to his daughter and headed for the kitchen. Zahara smiled at Tim as Salma kept saying please over and over in both English and Arabic.

"Salma, stop," Tim said. He detached Salma from his legs and then knelt down. "What do you mean? Ma hatha?"

"It's Daddy day tomorrow," Salma said. "We're supposed to bring our daddies to school so they can talk about what they do. Please, Baba. Min fadlak, ta'āl ma'ī."

Tim had to think for a moment about what Salma had just said. He still wasn't fluent in Arabic, although he was definitely better than he had been.

"They did a Mommy day at the beginning of the year," Zahara said from the doorway.

"Oh. Yeah, I think I remember that," Tim said.

Part of him wanted to say no. Friday was his day for therapy in the evening. Saturday morning, he'd be doing his CIA training, plus meeting with Roy about their trip to Egypt. This was just one more thing to worry about. However, when Tim looked at Salma's hopeful face, he knew he couldn't say no. He couldn't disappoint her.

"Now, Salma, I can't go for the whole day, but I could come in the morning."

"And take me to school? In your car?"

Tim smiled. "Yes, I could do that. So you need to ask your teacher if that will be all right."

"It will," Zahara said, grinning. "Most of the mothers could not stay all day, either."

"You're not helping," Tim said, laughing.

"I am helping Salma."

"Yeah. Okay, Salma. I'll tell Tony that I have to be late."

Salma jumped and clapped her hands excitedly.

"Now, it is time for breakfast," Zahara said. "Salma, go and help Jonathan."

Salma ran off, shouting for her brother to come and eat.

"She was so excited when she remembered this morning. She was afraid that you would go to work before she could ask you," Zahara said.

"Tomorrow might be a hard day," Tim said. "I have therapy in the evening, too."

"Are you still angry?"

"A little."

Zahara reached out and cupped her hand on his cheek and ran her thumb over the scars around his eye.

"Then, maybe this will help, but it will be good for Salma, too."

"I know," Tim said. "I love you."

"Come and eat with your family. Then, you can shower."

"All right. Sorry I was late."

"You told me you would be."

"Yeah."

He went with Zahara into the kitchen and ate with his family, smiling at how sloppy Jonathan still was and how eagerly Salma ate while trying to talk at the same time. He loved his family so much that these times when things could be the way he wanted them to be were almost painful and yet he wouldn't trade them for the whole world.

After eating, he showered and got ready quickly and then kissed his family good-bye and headed to work.

All the while, taking note of his CIA guards following him.