Thank you so much to GraceMonroe for your reviews! I loved reading each of them! So, two bits of good news: first, I'm posting this a touch early because I'm going to be traveling today, and second, this chapter is twice as long as the previous chapters. :-)

I did want to include a brief **TRIGGER WARNING** that this chapter includes a brief mention of child abuse.

Without further ado, I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Four: The Hold

Mairead, it turned out, was lousy at shooting guns.

It wasn't just her aim, although that was bad enough by itself. Her stance was also wrong, causing her to stumble and get thrown backwards by the recoil every time she fired. She couldn't quite get the hang of looking down the sights without twisting the handgun or contorting her neck unnaturally. Her finger was not strong enough to pull the trigger of the semi-automatic she had been practicing with and Coach Omer kept having to cock the weapon for her, something he wouldn't allow her to do herself because she kept accidentally tilting the weapon back and pointing the upside-down barrel at her forehead while doing so. And there was also the fact that she had a bad habit of flinching and closing her eyes right before she pulled the trigger in anticipation of the recoil.

And then there was the recoil itself, which hurt. Like, a lot. The first time she had pulled the trigger, Mairead had thought she had broken her wrist.

Nevertheless, Coach Omer clapped her on the shoulder at the end of the lesson.

"Good work, O'Keefe," he said.

Mairead raised an eyebrow. "When?" she asked sarcastically.

Omer folded his arms. "Have you ever held a gun before today?" he asked. Mairead shook her head. "Then stop beating yourself up. I don't want to hear any whining. This is just day one."

Mairead huffed out a breath, blowing a stray strand of hair out of her face, and nodded. "Thanks, Coach," she said. "Is there any chance we can switch things around for a bit? Can I do shooting practice twice a week and hand-to-hand once a week instead of the other way 'round?"

"Sure." He grinned at her. "You're a fiery little wench, aren't you?" he said. Mairead smiled reluctantly in spite of herself. "Keep that chin up, O'Keefe!" he called to her as she walked away. "I like that determination of yours!"

Mairead wasn't in the best of moods as she walked to the house in St. John's Wood. She wasn't sure why, but she had sort of thought that firing a gun would be easier than it had turned out to be. It had looked easy in all of the films she had seen. She decided to make herself a large cup of tea and break open the package of Jam 'n Creams she had found in the back of one of the cupboards when she got back.

She had just barely returned to the house and was rummaging through the pantry cupboards for the biscuits when the doorbell rang. Mairead walked into the foyer and looked at the door, expecting to see a delivery person through the glass windowpanes framing the fancy door. Only it wasn't a delivery person.

It was Professor Lupin.

Her heart gave a silly, stupid leap. She dropped the package of biscuits and frantically dashed into a hallway that had a mirror. She tore the bobbin out of her hair, ignoring the pain of ripping several hairs out by the roots as she did so. Sending up a thankful prayer that she was allowed to wear street clothes for shooting practice and hadn't worked up a sweat, she quickly but delicately finger-combed her hair to make it look more presentable. She checked her teeth for bits of food, then pulled her lips into her mouth and bit down on them to bring some color into them while pinching the skin overtop her cheekbones like she had seen Scarlett O'Hara do in Gone with the Wind. Then, taking several deep, quick breaths, she walked to the door and opened it.

"Professor Lupin!" she said, offering him a smile. "Hi!"

He smiled at her. "Hello, Mairead," he said. "Might I come in for a moment, please?"

"Yeah, of course," she said, stepping back and holding the door for him. She noticed that he wiped his feet on the welcome mat before stepping inside.

He's so considerate, she thought to herself.

"Would you like some tea?" she asked, closing the door.

"Oh, no, thank you, I don't want to trouble you," he said. "I should only stay for a minute or two."

"Are you sure?" said Mairead, trying not to let her disappointment at his short visit show. "I was going to make some for myself anyway."

He hesitated for a moment, then said with a small smile, "Oh, go on, then."

She beamed happily and led him through to the kitchen. "Have a seat," she said, waving a hand at the kitchen island. She carried the kettle over to the sink and filled it with water, then tapped the kettle with the side of her wand. Steam instantly began issuing from the spout. "Earl Grey?" she asked as she went into the pantry where the teas were kept. She hoped he wouldn't think it too weird that she remembered his favorite tea. But then, Earl Grey wasn't exactly out there as far as tea preferences went.

"Whatever you have on hand is fine," said Professor Lupin politely.

Mairead returned with the basket of tea options and set it on the island with a thump. "Take your pick," she said, grinning. He laughed, sounding a bit uncomfortable.

"Er," he said, uncertainly picking up one package and glancing at the label. "What were you going to have?"

"Earl Grey."

"Perfect."

She busied herself preparing the tea, trying to control her nerves. She had gone an entire year without so much as a hastily scribbled note from Professor Lupin and now she had seen him twice in three days. She had hardly been able to sleep since the meeting at Hagrid's cabin. She kept thinking of Lupin and his eyes and how good-looking he was and how he had rested his hand on her back and the way the sound of his voice could send tremors straight to her core.

She'd had so many fantasies about what it would be like if she were to have run into him at any point over the past year. She had played out entire conversations with Imaginary Professor Lupin in her head. She had known what she would say, what she would ask, and exactly how she would respond to any number of scenarios in which they might have come to find themselves accidentally engaged to be married. But now the moment was here and he was sitting right there at the kitchen island and his light brown hair was catching the late afternoon light and he was wearing a well-worn button-down in an extremely flattering shade of blue and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows showing forearms with just the perfect amount of sinew and muscle and lightly dusted with golden hair and Good Lord, when had arm hair become such a turn-on for her? That is to say, now that the moment was here, she couldn't think of a thing to say.

She smiled awkwardly at him, painfully aware that she hadn't said a single word to him since starting the tea. He returned the smile.

"I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced," he said.

"No!" she shouted louder than she had intended to. He laughed quietly. "I mean," she tried again. "You can drop by anytime."

"I just came by to let you know that we have found a headquarters location for the Order," said Professor Lupin.

"Oh?" she asked, pouring the water over the tea leaves and setting an egg timer. "Is it going to be at Sirius Black's house?"

"It is," he confirmed. "It's in Islington. Twelve Grimmauld Place is the address."

"Twelve..." she trailed off and went searching through kitchen drawers until she found a notepad and a pen.

"Don't write it down," said Lupin quickly when he saw what she had in her hands. "Memorize it."

"Oh, sorry," she said, feeling foolish. "Twelve Grimmauld Place. Islington."

Lupin nodded. "There is going to be a meeting there the day after tomorrow at seven o'clock in the evening... God willing."

Mairead cocked her head to one side. "What do you mean?" she asked curiously.

He gave her a rather twisted smile. "It's... in rough shape. The house, that is," he said. "No one has lived there in a decade other than a house-elf who seems to be somewhat... er... unstable. It'll be quite the job to get it cleaned up and rid of everything else that's moved in."

"Do you need help?" she offered eagerly. "I've got the day off tomorrow. I could come by and help clean."

"Are you sure?" asked Lupin. "Do you really want to spend your day off scrubbing and dealing with household pests?"

"I know how to scrub," she said.

Lupin shrugged. "All right," he said. "I'm sure Sirius will take all the help he can get."

She finished preparing his tea and set his teacup in front of him. He thanked her and she watched anxiously as he raised the cup to his lips and took a sip. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"You have always made a fantastic cup of tea," he said, a smile playing around his lips.

Mairead twitched her mouth to keep herself from grinning like a fool. "It's just the tea leaves," she mumbled, taking a sip from her own cup to hide her smile. "They're really high quality."

"Still haven't learned how to take a compliment, though, I see," he said with a teasing smile.

She laughed and could feel her face growing warm. She sat down next to him and was immediately overwhelmed by his proximity. She wished she had sat with an empty chair between them. Was he going to think she was trying to cozy up to him? Her heart was beating so loudly she worried he'd be able to hear it.

"Want some biscuits?" she asked, remembering the package she had dropped when the doorbell rang.

"Oh, please don't trouble yourself," said Lupin with a small frown, but she had already jumped to her feet and was hurrying back into the hallway where she had left the packet.

Upon her return she raised the packet of biscuits in the air to show them to him and immediately felt like a fool. Sliding back into her seat, she fumbled with the package, struggling to open it. At least it gave her something to do. Lupin watched her silently for a while before quietly saying, "May I?"

Mairead relinquished the package and he easily tore it open. He offered her the first biscuit before selecting one for himself.

"Hmm," he said, examining the biscuit. "Are these like Jammie Dodgers?"

"They're better than," she said, "They've got this creamy stuff - it's really good."

'Creamy stuff'? 'Really good'? You sound like a toddler, her brain excoriated her.

But then Lupin took a bite and let out a little pleased chuckle. "These are really good," he said, eyes twinkling at her. She reached for the package and pulled the tube of biscuits completely out of the sleeve, silently inviting him to help himself.

His face broke into a grin and he selected another biscuit. "So what have you been up to this past year?" he asked her.

"Erm... this and that," said Mairead vaguely, avoiding his gaze by focusing on dunking her biscuit into her tea. "You?" She heard him sigh quietly.

"This and that," he echoed.

"Are you teaching somewhere else?" she asked, plucking at a stain on her sleeve and already feeling jealous of his hypothetical students.

"No, I don't think anyone but Dumbledore would be foolhardy enough to let a werewolf near their students," he said, and Mairead looked up at the tinge of bitterness in his voice.

"Well, then they're dumb and shortsighted and I hate them," she said petulantly, breaking a biscuit in two with such force that it crumbled between her fingers.

Lupin was silent. Mairead looked up and saw that he was smiling at her, looking touched.

"I've really missed you," he said.

Mairead thought she was going to die right there on the spot.

Conversation came much more easily after that. Neither of them was particularly eager to talk about what they had spent the past year doing, but they quickly found their way back to the easy companionship they had shared at Hogwarts. Mairead did decide to tell Professor Lupin about her job working in the library at Diagon Alley, and Professor Lupin told Mairead about his visit to Grimmauld Place ("it was like Kreacher was carrying on two separate conversations at once, May: one with Sirius and one with himself"). Mairead told Lupin about her favorite films she had seen since they had last met and Lupin told her that he had kept his promise to keep his records in order.

"Oh!" said Mairead. "That reminds me! This place is really close to the studio where The Beatles recorded Abbey Road. D'you want to go see the crosswalk?"

Lupin checked his watch and sighed. "I wish I could, but I really should go," he said, and Mairead was pleased to see that he did actually look regretful. "I'm supposed to let everyone know about the Order meeting."

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Mairead. "I didn't mean to keep you."

Lupin smiled in a way that almost looked shy. "No, this has been lovely," he said. "Maybe if I come by another time we can go see Abbey Road."

"Definitely!" said Mairead. "I'll only be here through this weekend, so we'll have to find some other excuse to go there, but definitely."

Lupin frowned and cocked his head to the side in the way that Mairead adored. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Mairead's mouth opened in surprise. "Oh, I don't live here!" she said, eyes wide at the mistake. "I'm just house-sitting."

Realization dawned on Professor Lupin's face. He let out a laugh.

"Oh, no, you've probably been sitting there thinking I'm some sort of spoiled, rich, brainless socialite," moaned Mairead, hiding her face in her hands in mortification.

Professor Lupin began to laugh in earnest. "Well," he said, "not the brainless part."

Mairead groaned and began banging her forehead against the top of the kitchen island.

"Careful!" Lupin said sharply, putting a staying hand on her shoulder. "That's Italian marble, you know."

Mairead opened her eyes and glanced up at Lupin. He was smirking wickedly at her, mischief dancing in his eyes. She sat up.

"You're the worst!" she cried, laughing and shoving his hand off her arm.

The two laughed helplessly for a few moments, then grinned dopily at each other for a few moments more. Lupin blinked and cleared his throat.

"I... I really should go," he said, sounding a little hoarse.

Mairead nodded and bit her lip. "'Kay," she said softly. "Why don't you go out the back? There's a rose garden back there. It's walled in so you can Disapparate without anyone seeing you."

She showed him the way, then shoved her hands into her pockets as she looked at him in the fading light.

"See you tomorrow?" she asked, hoping she only sounded like a helpless, lovesick fool to herself.

"I'll be there," Lupin confirmed. He glanced around the garden, then back at her. "You know, you look kind of natural out here among the roses," he said thoughtfully. "Are you sure you don't live here?" His eyebrow twitched the way it always did when he was teasing her.

Mairead scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Professor Lupin, this is Melina Place," she said. "I couldn't afford to loiter on a park bench in this neighborhood."

He smiled once again before his expression turned slightly more serious. "You know, I'm not your Professor anymore, Mairead," he said. "You're welcome to call me Remus."

Some sort of explosion was taking place in Mairead's belly. She looked at the ground, too bashful to look at him anymore. "Oh, okay," she breathed.

"Have a good night."

"You, too," she said softly. She waited until she heard the soft pop of him Disapparating before she tentatively added, "Remus."


"For the last time, Kreacher, where are the damn cleaning supplies?!"

"Kreacher has always kept this noble house in pristine condition for the comfort of his Masters... deserter son wants to come back here and destroy the sanctity of this household, but Kreacher will not let him, no..."

"You call this pristine condition?" shouted Sirius. "The pavement outside is cleaner!"

Remus could hear Sirius and Kreacher arguing even though he was three doors down from them. He had left Sirius alone in his obviously fruitless pursuit of getting information out of the house-elf and had instead embarked upon his own, also fruitless, mission to find the cleaning supplies himself. So far he had found nothing but mold, mildew, grime, and - under a sink in one of the bathrooms - an infestation of flobberworms.

Remus sighed and massaged his forehead at the sound of his best friend's yelling. Growing up around Sirius and James had quickly inured him to loud noises and raised voices, but his hearing was more sensitive than a normal human's would be, and he wished Sirius would just stop. Just when Sirius let out an, "OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!" and Remus thought things couldn't get any louder, the doorbell rang, setting off all of the portraits in the entrance hall.

He let the door to the closet he had been looking through swing shut and hurried for the front door, closely followed by Sirius, who muttered and cursed the whole way down the stairs.

Remus reached the door first, unlocked it, and pulled it open. Mairead stood on the stoop, arms laden with bags and green eyes wide in surprise and uncertainty at the deafening noise coming from within.

"Come in, quickly," said Remus, stepping aside and waving her in.

She scurried inside and Remus hastily shut and locked the door again. He pulled out his wand and joined Sirius in stunning the portraits along the hallway. When they had finished with the smaller portraits, he and Sirius went over and began the herculean task of pulling the curtains closed over the portrait of Sirius's mother.

When silence had been restored, Remus turned back to Mairead, who had watched them work in silence, a puzzled and wary look on her face.

"Erm -" she started, but quickly shut her mouth when Remus and Sirius both held their fingers to their lips.

Sirius pointed over his shoulder at the corridor leading to the basement kitchen. Mairead nodded and followed him.

When they got into the kitchen, Sirius remarked, "Probably should tell people not to ring the bell."

"Sorry!" said Mairead in a whisper, as if she were afraid to make too much noise.

Sirius waved off her apology. "What's in the bags?" he asked.

"Cleaning supplies," she said.

Sirius's face lit up. "You're kidding!" he said exuberantly. Mairead shook her head, still looking uncertain.

"Professor Lupin mentioned that no one's lived here for ten years," she said, keeping her voice low. "So I figured any cleaning supplies would be out of date."

"You've saved the day," Remus said warmly as he went over and helped relieve her of the shopping bags. He set them on the cleanest bit of table he could find and began pulling things out. Mairead had brought two giant jugs of Mrs. Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover, three bottles of doxycide, several potions he was unfamiliar with, as well as regular soap, vinegar, and baking soda. Still another bag contained rags and sponges, as well as several buckets, mops, and brooms that had been shrunk down to fit into the bag.

Remus turned back to Mairead to thank her properly and saw Sirius looking at her as though she were Father Christmas. A broad smile was on Sirius's face - the first smile Remus had seen that day - and Mairead blushed at the attention.

"What's in that bag?" asked Sirius, pointing at another bag dangling from Mairead's right hand.

"Oh," she said, glancing down at it. "Pastries. Like, a lot of them."

As if on cue, Sirius's stomach gave an audible, hungry lurch. "You are the woman of my dreams," he said, staring at her.

Out of nowhere, irritation flared in Remus. He had no idea where it had come from, and he impatiently tried to tamp it down as Mairead raised an eyebrow impassively at Sirius and sarcastically drawled, "Really?"

A crooked, seductive smile slowly curled at Sirius's lips. Remus watched as Sirius let his eyes rake appreciatively over Mairead's body, taking in her curly copper hair, swept up out of her face into a messy bun, her outfit - grass- and paint-stained denims and a loose-fitting vest top that revealed her shoulders and, Remus noted with concern, a bandage on her left forearm that had been hidden by long sleeves the day before - and lingering on each one of her curves. Sirius took a step towards Mairead.

"Oh, yes," Sirius answered her in a low, sultry voice. He reached out and slowly took the bag from Mairead, then tilted his head to one side, looking down at her. "Now, what does that make me?"

Mairead pursed her lips thoughtfully. "Well," she said slowly. "Bag of cleaning supplies in one hand, plus bag of delicious baked goods in the other, equals the woman of your dreams... I think that makes you a chauvinist pig, doesn't it?"

Sirius let out a bark of laughter. He turned to Remus. "I see why you like her so much!" he said, still chuckling.

Remus hadn't realized until then that he'd been gritting his teeth rather painfully. He looked over at Mairead, who met his gaze and smiled her shy smile, cheeks still flushed red, and his jaw relaxed and he felt himself smiling at her.

"So where do you want me to start?" asked Mairead, looking around the dank, smelly kitchen and doing what Remus felt was a commendable job of not looking disgusted.

"Here, I should think," he said. "I think it makes the most sense for the Order to meet in the kitchen; there's already a table big enough."

Sirius nodded in agreement. "If there's time we can always spread out," he said.

They divvied up cleaning supplies and got to work. Sirius set about enlarging the buckets, mops, and brooms, while Mairead read the instructions on the jug of Mrs. Skower's.

"It says we can use it at full strength for tough messes," she said. "Or we can add two capfuls to a bucket of water to make a floor and counter wash."

"Let's do both," said Sirius, grabbing a bucket and walking over to the sink to fill it with water. He turned the tap on and the pipes clanked loudly for several seconds before sludgy brown water began sloshing out into the bucket.

"That should clear up if you let it run for a while," advised Remus. He turned back to Mairead. "What happened to your arm?" he asked her in a low voice.

"Oh," Mairead's cheeks flushed pink again and she looked embarrassed. "Erm..." she avoided his gaze and squirmed in visible discomfort before finally mumbling, "I got a tattoo."

Remus's eyebrows shot up. Of all the explanations he had expected, ranging from most to least likely, a tattoo wasn't even on the list.

"A tattoo?" he said, a teasing smile tugging at his lips. "Have you joined the Dragons of Hellfire?" He briefly amused himself with the thought of sweet, demure Mairead joining the notorious wizarding gang and wearing a dragonhide leather jacket, smoking a cigar, and smashing a shot glass.

He waited for her to blush and look away, but instead she smiled brightly and said, "Yep! Next is a septum piercing, and then there's an induction ceremony. I can bring a guest to that, actually."

Never one to back down from a joke, Remus said, "Ah! Could I be your plus one?"

"Maybe!" said Mairead, then pointing to his mouth, "Are those all your original teeth?"

"Yes..."

"Oh," said Mairead, feigning disappointment. "Then no. Sorry."

Remus let out a surprised laugh and Mairead grinned mischievously at him.

"You know, I dated a Hellfire Dragon once," said Sirius, bringing over a bucket of water.

Mairead measured out two capfuls of Mrs. Skower's and added it to the bucket. "Why do I get the impression that you could tell me you've done just about anything and I'd find it plausible, Sirius?" she asked.

Sirius grinned doggishly and began regaling Mairead with the tale of the brief but passionate tryst he had had with the older woman the summer between his sixth and seventh years. Remus occasionally peppered in memorable details, but mostly he was content to listen and watch his former student get to know his best friend.

He had forgotten how Mairead's quirky sense of humor could take him by surprise. As the morning went on and they slowly but steadily worked their way across the kitchen, he began remembering all the little details about her that had made him grow so fond of her.

It wasn't that Remus had forgotten Mairead; far from it. Rather, Remus had found over the years that the easiest way to cope with his itinerant existence was to shove all of the pleasant memories to the back of his mind and not think of them. He was never in any one place long enough to make lasting friendships, and remembering the people who had been kind to him and whom he had especially liked only caused pain and made leaving harder. The rejection, fear, and hatred he had experienced were far better motivators to keep moving than the thought of one more broken friendship.

And so, while Remus didn't imagine he could have ever forgotten Mairead, he simply... hadn't allowed himself to think of her at all. Any time that thoughts of her had risen to the surface of his mind, he had forced them back. Now that he was back in her company, however, Remus remembered all the things he had liked so much about Mairead. She was kind, clever, a good listener, funny in a zany, unconventional way, and sweet - so, so sweet. For some reason he couldn't decipher, irritation continued to flare up in him throughout the morning as he watched Sirius bond with Mairead. But Mairead had a habit of looking over and catching his eye whenever he was feeling particularly grumpy and smiling at him in a way that completely melted his heart and disarmed his bad mood.

Though she was undeniably as affable as she had ever been, as the day wore on Remus began to notice that Mairead had changed since he had seen her last. The Hogwarts uniform had hardly been revealing, but Remus could still tell that she had gained weight since graduating. Though she hadn't grown any taller, she had lost the scrawny, waif-like look she had had as a student, and he noticed as they scrubbed and moved things around in the kitchen that her arms and shoulders were toned in a way they hadn't been a year ago.

But it wasn't just her appearance that had changed; Mairead's personality had also shifted in subtle ways. Remus observed as she laughed and talked with Sirius that she seemed to be more comfortable in her own skin than she had ever been at Hogwarts. She had a quiet self-assurance that she had lacked as a student. Though she was still shy and quick to blush and on the quiet side, she wasn't as easily flustered or embarrassed as she had used to be. The effusive, easygoing nature that Remus had been convinced was hiding beneath all of her self-deprecation and diffidence, but which he had formerly had to work so hard to draw out of her, now seemed to have finally taken its rightful place out in the open.

By the time they agreed to take a break and dig into the food Mairead had brought, it was clear to Remus that she and Sirius were well on their way to friendship. Sirius had stuck rather close to Mairead all morning, and Remus was glad to see that Sirius truly seemed to have abandoned his suspicions of Mairead. The girl had enough to deal with without having Sirius as an enemy.

He wondered how she was coping with the death of Cedric Diggory. He knew they had been close friends at Hogwarts. He had even wondered once or twice if they were romantically involved, from the devoted looks the two Hufflepuffs had so often exchanged. But then she had begun to date Roger Davies and Remus had seen that the love she and Cedric had for one another was the love shared between best friends, not lovers. He knew all too well the devastation of losing a friend as close as that. In all likelihood Cedric's death was probably what had caused Mairead to join the Order.

But what on earth could have been Dumbledore's motivation to let her? Ever since Sirius had pointed it out to him, Remus had scarcely been able to stop worrying about Mairead's safety in the Order. He knew she had managed to score an E on her Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L., the headmaster having written to him about her accomplishment, but the older wizard had to be fooling himself if he thought that the work-arounds they had come up with would stand up in a duel against the likes of Malfoy, Avery, or Nott. As Remus watched Mairead cheerfully scrub away at the thick layer of dirt and grime covering every surface of the kitchen, he couldn't help but feel that she didn't have the first idea what she was getting herself into. She could hardly expect to be able to scrub away all that was foul and dirty in the world without getting any filth on herself.

He looked across the room at Mairead and Sirius, who were working together on pulling items out of the pantry and deciding what to keep and what to throw out. Sirius leaned in and murmured something in Mairead's ear, grinning mischievously at her, and she laughed at whatever he had said. Sirius pushed a tendril of Mairead's hair behind her ear as she smiled light-heartedly at him and Remus once again felt a burst of annoyance.

He doesn't even know her, he thought bitterly to himself. That must be why I'm in a bad mood, he reasoned. Sirius was the one who pointed out the danger Mairead is in, and yet he's acting like everything is fine. Like she's just like anybody else.

Remus's ill temper stayed with him for the rest of the day. Mairead looked over at him every now and then and would always smile and give him a little wave, and he always forced himself to smile back, but now that the thought had taken hold of him, not even she was able to raise the veil of unhappiness that had settled around him.


Mairead was beginning to wonder if her fingers would be permanently pruney. After having spent an entire day and most of the evening helping Sirius and Professor Lupin clean the kitchen at Grimmauld Place, she had then returned the next morning to begin to tackle one of the bathrooms. Sirius had argued that they should continue to focus on the kitchen, which still needed work, but Mairead had argued against him.

"If there are going to be twenty people in this house come this evening, we had better have at least one working toilet."

Sirius had made a face and grumbled something along the lines of, "It's not like they could make the mess worse," but had begrudgingly agreed.

She had barely managed to get back to the St. John's Wood house in time for a quick shower before the start of her shift at the Circulation Desk at the Muggle library she worked very part-time at in southeast London. As soon as her shift ended, she needed to go right back to Grimmauld Place for the Order meeting, and she had desperately wanted to get the smell of Mrs. Skower's out of her hair before sitting around a table with a crowd of strangers.

Her shift at the library ended fifteen minutes later than it had been supposed to, leaving her with no time for supper before the meeting. Having made a lunch out of a snack bar and a mealy apple she had found in her bag, Mairead's stomach gave a lurch as she approached Grimmauld Place. Ahead of her, she saw four ginger people walking up the stairs to Grimmauld Place. She broke into a sprint and reached the foot of the stairs just as Mr. Weasley raised his hand to ring the doorbell.

"Don't ring!" said Mairead emphatically.

"Oh, Mairead!" said Mrs. Weasley, looking around with a startled look on her face. "How lovely to see you again, dear."

"You, too," said Mairead hastily. "Sorry - Mr. Weasley, you do not want to ring. Trust me."

"Why not?" asked Mr. Weasley, looking politely puzzled.

"Erm..." Mairead struggled to find words to describe the explosive racket that she had witnessed the previous day. "You just don't," she finally settled on. "All you have to do is unlock it with your wand."

Mr. Weasley frowned. "We don't want to barge in unannounced, though," he said uncertainly.

"Well, you definitely don't want to barge, that's true," conceded Mairead. "But I think Sirius would prefer that you just walk in rather than knock or ring or... really if you could avoid making any noise at all while you're in the foyer that would probably be best."

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley exchanged a glance.

Oh, God, please don't think I'm mental, Mairead thought.

"The house is a little... peculiar," she said. "Sirius and Professor Lupin can probably explain it better than I can."

"We'll follow your lead," said Bill, stepping in. "Dad, why don't you let her go first?"

Mairead shot a grateful smile at Bill, who winked at her. She climbed the stairs, shifting awkwardly around the four Weasleys, and tapped the door with her wand. When she heard the tumblers click into place, she turned the doorknob and opened the door as quietly as she could. Looking back over her shoulder, she held a finger to her lips and crept into the foyer. The Weasleys followed her quietly one by one, and the man whom Mairead didn't know but who she assumed was another of their adult children shut the door behind him.

She led the four Weasleys down the stairs into the basement kitchen. When she opened the door, she saw that a number of people had already arrived. She saw many of the people who had been at the meeting in Hagrid's cabin, as well as a couple of new faces she did not recognize.

Mairead saw Bill close the door behind him, then smiled at the Weasleys.

"We don't have to be quiet anymore," she said in a normal voice. As if to underscore this, Sirius shouted her name from somewhere within the crowd.

She turned and saw him making his way towards them. "Oh, good, thanks for bringing them in," said Sirius, nodding at the Weasleys. "We've already had those bloody portraits go off half a dozen times..."

Bill frowned. "Maybe I should go back out and catch any stragglers," he said, looking around at the group of people. "I think there's at least one more person coming."

"Who do you know who's coming, dear?" asked Mrs. Weasley curiously.

"Just someone from work," said Bill vaguely.

"Well, don't make a sound in that entryway, Bill," said Sirius. If Bill found this entreaty odd he did not show it, simply nodding and slipping back out through the doorway.

"I'd better go with him, just in case," said Sirius with a sigh as he followed Bill out of the kitchen.

"Mairead, have you met our son, Charlie?" asked Mrs. Weasley, placing a hand on the shoulder of the other young man.

Mairead smiled at Charlie.

"Charlie, this is Mairead... O'Keefe," said Mrs. Weasley, choking only slightly on Mairead's last name.

Charlie grinned at her and stuck out his hand. When Mairead took it she could feel that it was heavily calloused, and she saw what looked like a partially healed burn mark on his arm.

"Nice to meet you," he said.

Mairead almost told him that she remembered him from school, but then she remembered her faux pas regarding Percy and how upset Mrs. Weasley had been. Not wanting to repeat her misstep, she simply smiled and said, "You, too."

Charlie looked out into the crowd. "Oh, it's Hagrid. I've got to tell him about the Peruvian Vipertooth we were working with the other day."

Charlie walked off, and Mairead could hear Mr. Weasley say something about spotting a colleague. She didn't want to be a burden, so she smiled awkwardly and wandered off by herself.

Mairead tried resolutely not to search the crowd for Professor Lupin. Or rather, she searched the crowd for Professor Lupin while trying not to appear as though she were searching the crowd for him. He had been in a strange mood the past two days. Normally Lupin was relaxed and equable, but recently he had seemed tense and somewhat stressed to Mairead's eye. While he was normally soft-spoken, he had grown quieter and quieter as the previous day had gone on, and had barely spoken a word that entire morning when they had worked on cleaning the bathroom. Mairead was anxious to speak to him again to see if she could surmise whether whatever was on his mind was still bothering him.

A loud crash distracted her from her thoughts. Looking around, Mairead saw that a young woman with spiky blue hair had just tripped and fallen over a chair. Before she could even make a move to help, she saw Professor Lupin slip out of the crowd and kneel down in front of the woman. He took her hands and helped her to her feet.

"Cheers," the young woman said. As the woman straightened, Mairead saw her pale, heart-shaped face, and recognized Tonks, a fellow Hufflepuff who had graduated three years before her.

"Are you all right?" Lupin asked Tonks, looking concerned.

"Oh, don't mind me," said Tonks breezily, waving a hand. "I'm always falling over things. My name's Tonks."

Mairead watched Professor Lupin's face relax and form an easy, warm smile as he took in Tonks's pretty, open face. He reached out and took Tonks's hand again.

"Remus," he said. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Wotcher, Remus."

Tonks smiled widely at Lupin and suddenly Mairead wanted to seize the chair Tonks had tripped over, raise it above her head, and bring it crashing to the floor over and over until it was reduced to splinters. She watched as Professor Lupin and Tonks began to chat, never taking their eyes off one another.

Well, he certainly doesn't seem to be in a bad mood anymore, her traitorous brain supplied unhelpfully.

Just then, Tonks laughed at something Professor Lupin said, tipping her head back and bringing her hand up to touch his arm lightly. Lupin grinned and added something else, a mischievous, teasing glint in his eyes. He made no move to brush her hand off him.

Mairead spun on her heel, determined to go find something else to look at that wouldn't make her want to scream. Instead, she almost crashed into Alastor Moody.

"All right, O'Keefe?" he asked.

"Oh, hi, Mr. Moody," she said, hoping she didn't sound as disconsolate as she thought she did.

"None of this 'Mister' stuff," said Moody. "Just call me 'Mad-Eye.' Everybody else does."

"Erm..." She really didn't want to do that.

"Brought a couple of people to help increase our numbers," said Moody, looking out over the crowd. "You see that Black guy? That's Kingsley. And that girl with the hair is Tonks."

Mairead nodded. "Oh, okay," she said softly.

"Come on, I'll introduce you to Tonks. You'll like her."

"No, that's okay!" Mairead did not want to have any better of a view of Professor Lupin falling for someone else.

But Moody ignored her and walked over. Mairead hung back, wondering if she could disappear into the crowd without it looking weird.

"Tonks," said Moody. "Got somebody for you to meet."

Sighing, Mairead resigned herself to having to speak to Tonks and stepped forward. Tonks and Lupin both turned, and Mairead watched in dismay as the relaxed, open expression on Lupin's face tightened back up into the strained look he had had the past two days as soon as his eyes met hers.

With a feeling of panic, Mairead wondered if he had somehow found out about her feelings for him.

Do I talk in my sleep? she wondered irrationally, before remembering he hadn't been around her while she was asleep.

Moody clapped a hand on Mairead's shoulder and said, "Tonks, this here's Mairead O'Keefe."

Tonks's polite smile widened. "Oh, I remember you!" she said exuberantly. "You were a bit behind me at Hogwarts, weren't you? In Hufflepuff too, right?"

"Right," said Mairead, forcing herself to look away from Lupin and into Tonks's eyes.

Tonks seized Mairead's hand and pumped it up and down enthusiastically. "You know, I always thought it was so shitty how everybody treated you," she said, frowning unhappily.

"Oh, sorry," said Mairead softly, not knowing how to respond.

"Woah," said Tonks, looking over Mairead's shoulder. "Er, Mad-Eye... is it just me, or does that bloke look alarmingly like Sirius Black?"

Moody grinned. "Yep. Give you three guesses why."

Tonks's eyebrows, which Mairead noticed matched her bright blue hair, shot upwards. "Is this some sort of hazing thing, or should I be getting my wand out right about now?" she asked. "He's making his way over here."

"Nah, he's all right," Moody said. "Turns out he's innocent. That should be a lesson to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement on throwing wizards in jail without a trial, but what are you gonna do? Nobody follows standard procedure anymore."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay, whatever," she said dismissively.

"Here, I'll introduce you," Professor Lupin said as Sirius sidled up alongside Mairead. "Sirius, this is Tonks... I'm sorry, I didn't catch your full name."

"Just Tonks is fine," said Tonks.

"You related to Ted Tonks?" asked Sirius.

"That's my Dad!" said Tonks happily. "Why, do you know him?"

"Know your mum," replied Sirius. "Andromeda was always my favorite cousin."

Tonks let out a surprised laugh. "It's not every day you find out you're related to a mass murderer," she remarked to Lupin, who chuckled.

Tonks, Moody, Lupin, and Sirius began to chat amicably. Mairead began to feel very out of place, like she had elbowed her way into a conversation that wasn't meant to include her. She slipped away at the first opportunity, feeling absolutely miserable. She wished Hagrid had brought his dog with him. Mairead weaved aimlessly through the crowd, not wanting to look like a pathetic loner should anyone notice her.

When Dumbledore arrived, the meeting began. Sirius invited everyone to sit at the long kitchen table, which was finally clean, then sat down next to Mairead.

"How was work?" he muttered to her as everyone got settled.

"Oh, it was grand," she said, trying not to let herself be distracted by the fact that Professor Lupin had sat down on Sirius's other side and Tonks had sat down next to him. Not wanting to look like sour grapes, she looked over at Sirius and smiled as brightly as she could manage. "Nothing much to report, other than a copy of The Old Man and the Sea that got returned looking like it had spent some time in the actual sea."

She heard a surprised laugh from Sirius's other side and eagerly looked past him to see if Professor Lupin had found her comment funny, but it turned out he was laughing at something Tonks had said.

Feeling horrible, Mairead forced herself to look around at the other people sitting at the table. She saw Hagrid, all four Heads of House, and Elphias Doge, Dedalus Diggle, and Sturgis Podmore - the three men Lupin had pointed out at the last meeting. To her surprise, Mairead also saw the beautiful French champion from the Triwizard Tournament sitting rather close to Bill. There were several more people whom Mairead did not know, including a towering woman who was almost as tall as Hagrid. As she looked around, she noticed Professor Flitwick - sitting between Hagrid and Professor McGonagall - unfurling a scroll of parchment and setting up a quill and inkwell. Anxiously, she turned to Sirius.

"Should I be taking notes?" she asked quietly.

"Oh, yeah, don't you remember?" asked Sirius, frowning at her. "You were asked to take down the minutes. Where's your stuff?"

Mairead stared, wide-eyed in panic, at Sirius. "What?" she whispered in horror.

"Be nice, Padfoot."

Mairead blinked and saw that Professor Lupin was at last looking over at her.

"He's teasing you," he advised her, eyes briefly flitting over to Sirius, who was grinning impishly at her. "Just ignore him."

Mairead smiled at him and let out a nervous laugh. "Oh, okay," she said. "Thanks, Professor."

Dumbledore called the meeting to order. "We have a considerable amount I would like to get through this evening," he said. "But first, we have a few new members here tonight. Before we begin our discussion in earnest we must complete the induction process."

Mairead swallowed thickly. She wondered what was involved in the induction process.

"Filius here has a list of the names of our new additions," Dumbledore continued, gesturing to Flitwick. "He will go down the list and read the names aloud. If any current members have any concerns or objections to a new addition, they shall place a Hold on that person. Anyone whose name does not return a Hold will be inducted automatically, their name added to the list of current members, and will henceforth be considered a member of the Order of the Phoenix. If any names produce a Hold, that person shall be given an opportunity to answer to any concerns or objections, after which a vote will take place. A simple majority will decide whether the applicant will be inducted or asked to leave."

Mairead could feel her thighs beginning to quake beneath the table. It would be a miracle if she got through this process smoothly.

Dumbledore nodded to Flitwick, who gave the scroll a shake and began to read names out in his squeaky voice.

"Delacour, Fleur - Jones, Hestia - Maxime, Olympe - O'Keefe, Mairead -"

The parchment Flitwick was holding, which until that moment had behaved perfectly normally, suddenly glowed red. Flitwick looked up.

"There has been a Hold placed on Miss O'Keefe," he announced to the room.

"Please continue reading, Filius," said Dumbledore placidly. "Let us get through the list and then we will go back and address any Holds."

Flitwick nodded and resumed reading from the parchment, which had returned to its regular colour. "Shacklebolt, Kingsley - Tonks -"

The parchment glowed red again. "There has been a Hold placed on Miss Tonks," Flitwick noted before resuming. "Weasley, Arthur - Weasley, Charles - Weasley, Molly - Weasley, William."

Professor Flitwick came to the end of the list and looked up. Mairead could feel her heart pounding in her stomach. She hadn't been surprised in the slightest that a Hold had been placed on her name, but that didn't make her like it any better.

At least I wasn't the only one, she thought to herself. That would've been worse.

She folded her hands, which felt ice-cold, on the top of the table and tried not to look guilty while simultaneously avoiding eye contact with anyone. She wondered how Tonks was feeling right now.

"Thank you, Filius," said Dumbledore. "We will now discuss the Holds placed on Mairead and Tonks."

Professor Flitwick cleared his throat. "If you don't mind, Albus," he said. "I placed the Hold on Miss Tonks, and I believe the matter will be quite quick to settle."

Dumbledore bowed his head. Mairead fought not to look over at Tonks.

"Miss Tonks," said Flitwick, looking over at her. "I have only your last name listed here. That was all that Alastor provided."

"Couldn't remember her first name, to be honest," said Moody with a chuckle. "Haven't heard it in so long."

"If you would be good enough to remind me of your first name, please," continued Flitwick. "I will be able to add you to the register."

Tonks let out an unhappy grunt. "Do I really have to?" she asked in a whiny sort of voice.

"The roster needs to be accurate, Miss Tonks," said Flitwick.

"I can tell you her name," offered Professor Sprout. The older witch winked at Tonks. "You probably have forgotten it too, Filius. She never liked it even in school, but I remember it because it's so unusual."

Tonks groaned and put her head in her hands. She hesitated for a long moment, then mumbled something that came out very muffled.

"Did anybody catch that?" asked Flitwick, looking around.

Tonks raised her head, jaw set and looking annoyed in the extreme. "It's Nymphadora," she said, sounding as irritated as she looked. "And if I hear one word out of any of you, You-Know-Who will be the least of your problems."

An appreciative chuckle went around the table, and Flitwick jotted down her name as Professor Sprout spelled it out for him.

Dumbledore looked around the room. "All in favor of inducting Tonks into the Order of the Phoenix?" he asked.

As one, every established member of the Order raised their hands. Peripherally, Mairead saw Tonks flash a bright smile at Lupin, who easily returned it.

"All opposed?" Dumbledore asked.

No one moved.

"Very well," Dumbledore concluded with a smile at Tonks. "Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Tonks."

Mairead felt a drop in her stomach. It was her turn next.

Tonks leaned forward around Lupin and Sirius, looking down the table at Mairead. "I hope it's just a clerical error with your name, too," she said kindly.

"Well, it's certainly a problem with her name," Elphias Doge spoke up in a wheezy voice.

Mairead ran a finger across the tip of her eyebrow, which was starting to throb, and sat up straighter in her seat. Here we go, she thought grimly.

Dumbledore turned to Doge. "Elphias, would you like to speak?" he asked politely.

Doge gestured sharply at Mairead. "You can't be serious, Albus!" he exclaimed. "Letting an O'Keefe into the Order? Why not just invite the Lestranges while you're at it? Or the Malfoys? Or -"

"Or Snape?" Sirius spoke up, looking highly incensed.

"I was not aware that my place in the Order was up for discussion tonight," said Snape coolly.

"It is not," said Dumbledore with a warning look at Sirius. Turning back to Elphias, he said, "Are we to hold children accountable for the sins of their fathers, Elphias? I do not seem to recall this being a problem for you earlier in life."

"Well, when their father's Kenneth O'Keefe," said a dignified-looking woman on the other side of the table.

"Mairead's diff'ren'!" said Hagrid hotly. "Anyone who knows her'll tell yeh tha'."

"Absolutely," agreed Professor Sprout. "Any one of her teachers from Hogwarts would vouch for her."

"So would I," Moody added gruffly.

"Me, too," said Sirius, looking fiercely around the table. "Come on, Doge, look around you! You're surrounded by Death Eaters, convicted felons, werewolves, and petty thieves."

"You are not making your case any stronger, you know," said Doge acidly.

Sirius glared at him. "Ask Remus, then," he said hotly. "He's spent more time with her than any of us. He'll vouch for her and so will I."

"Yes," Snape spoke up quietly, a look on his face that Mairead didn't like at all. "But the two of you don't exactly have the best track record for choosing trustworthy friends, now do you, Black?"

Sirius jumped to his feet so quickly his chair started to tip and Mairead had to lurch over and grab it before it hit the floor. She noticed that Lupin had also leaned over to catch the chair. Their eyes met for the briefest of seconds. She hoped to see a smile or some warmth in his eyes - some form of reassurance from him - but his face remained expressionless and he dropped her gaze as soon as they had righted the chair and turned back to face the Order.

"Be seated, Sirius," said Dumbledore in a deep, commanding voice Mairead was very glad she had never elicited from him before.

Sirius looked for a moment as though he were weighing his loyalty to Dumbledore against his desire to rip Snape's head off with his bare hands.

"Sirius." This time it was Lupin who spoke. "Sit down."

Breathing heavily, Sirius sat back down, never taking his murderous stare off Snape's face, which had an expression of smug satisfaction.

"You knew O'Keefe, Severus," said Doge, turning back to Snape. "What are your thoughts?"

Snape looked at Mairead, and she suddenly remembered how furious he had been with her when she had schemed her way back into his Potions class. Now would be the perfect opportunity for revenge. Which was why she was so surprised when Snape said, "Miss O'Keefe is no more a Death Eater than you are, Elphias."

"There!" said Professor McGonagall impatiently, gesturing at Snape. "Are you happy now, Elphias?"

But Snape wasn't finished.

"Personally," he said silkily. "I think this discussion is overshadowing a far greater concern regarding Miss O'Keefe's suitability for membership in the Order."

"And what is that?" asked Sturgis Podmore.

"Miss O'Keefe is a Squib."

An older woman with frizzy grey hair exploded from the other end of the table. "Aw, hell, Snape, I'm a Squib, and I've been in the Order a helluva lot longer than you have!"

Mairead stared at the older woman in wonder. "You are?" she asked in a tiny voice before she could stop herself. She had never met another Squib before.

"Yes, I am," said the woman, raising her head proudly.

"Mairead is only a Partial Squib, Severus," McGonagall said, shooting an annoyed glance at her colleague.

"She lacks all ability to cast defensive magic," Snape replied. "I think it only correct to ask ourselves whether it would be responsible to expose Miss O'Keefe to the dangers she would inevitably face as a member of the Order."

"Yes, but Remus coached her through that," argued Professor Sprout. "Don't you remember? She sat for her Defense O.W.L. and got an Exceeds Expectations!"

"Hey, that's awesome!" piped up Tonks.

"She is not going to survive an encounter with a Death Eater using repurposed charms meant for household cleaning and practical jokes," said Snape firmly. "She passed her O.W.L. because Lupin spent untold hours giving her extensive coaching on how to get through a very specific test in a highly controlled setting. He didn't cure her, and it took him an entire year to get her ready for that. We must ask ourselves: what kind of manpower are we prepared to waste helping this girl limp through?"

"Wait a moment," said Doge, holding up a hand. "Do you mean to tell us that this girl doesn't even have an N.E.W.T. in Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

"No, she does not," Snape said, looking satisfied.

Doge turned his cold gaze on Mairead. "Young lady, I am not sure what you have going through that mind of yours, but this is not a game. Why would you even ponder joining the Order if you haven't bothered to obtain the proper qualifications?"

Up until now, everyone had been speaking as though Mairead were not even in the room, or was incapable of thinking or speaking for herself. This was the first time Mairead herself had actually been addressed and expected to speak. She shot a panicked look at Dumbledore before meekly saying, "I - I was going to sit for my N.E.W.T., sir."

"Ah, yes, I heard about this," said Snape, black eyes glittering unpleasantly at her. "You were signed up to sit for the Defense Against the Dark Arts N.E.W.T. this past June. Is that correct?"

Mairead swallowed. This was getting too close for comfort. She felt tears licking at her eyelids and a flicker of the anger that was ever-simmering somewhere in the back of her mind. "Yes, that's correct," she said in a carefully neutral voice.

"My understanding is that you left before the exam even began," Snape continued. "Isn't that so?"

Mairead hesitated, then said, "Yes."

Snape somehow managed to make an eyebrow twitch look triumphant. "What happened?"

Mairead shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Something came up," she mumbled, looking down at the table and blinking rapidly. Her heart seemed to be bouncing off the corners of her chest.

"I see," said Snape with the air of a barrister backing a witness into a corner. "So you were interested enough in Defense Against the Dark Arts to sign up for the N.E.W.T. - interested enough to pursue membership here in the Order - but you were not so interested as to bother to stay for your qualifying exam when it became inconvenient. Is that what you are saying?"

Mairead was trying to take deep, calming breaths, but found that she could not. "No," she said, not looking at Snape.

"What, did you need to get your hair done? Your nails trimmed?" Snape taunted her.

Mairead gritted her teeth and closed her eyes for a moment. "No."

"Then what? Pray tell: what could possibly have been so important that you couldn't be bothered to condescend to sit for an exam that may have qualified you for membership in this organization?"

Mairead's tenuous grip on her temper slipped. Her head snapped up and she locked eyes with Snape. "I had to go pick out the clothes that Cedric Diggory was going to be buried in because his mother couldn't get out of bed that day," she said icily.

She was vaguely aware of the gasp that went up around the room, and of the stifled sobs she heard from Molly Weasley and Professor Sprout, but at that moment, all Mairead could think about was how much she sympathized with Sirius's desire to tear Snape's face off. Her entire body was trembling now, but she held Snape's gaze relentlessly, determined not to be the first one to look away.

After a few moments, Snape dropped his eyes. Satisfaction curled and burned in Mairead's stomach.

"Is that why you applied for membership into the Order?" came Doge's voice. Some of the vitriol had left his tone, but was replaced by pity, which only made Mairead angrier. "Because you had some grand vision of avenging Cedric Diggory?"

Mairead once again shot an uncertain look at Dumbledore, who at last stepped in.

"Mairead did not pursue membership in the Order," Dumbledore announced to the room. "I recruited her myself."

Doge's mouth fell open. "What?" he said incredulously. "Why? What could this girl possibly have to offer us?"

"We are in need of a Healer," said Dumbledore simply. "And Mairead has an affinity for the subject."

Mairead stared at Dumbledore in dismay. "Er -" she began, but broke off when Sirius elbowed her sharply. A response from her turned out to be unnecessary, however, because the dignified-looking witch broke in again.

"And do you know why we are in need of a Healer?" she asked, then pointed dramatically at Mairead. "Because her father killed our Healer! He murdered Benjy and chopped him into little pieces and scattered them around the country for us to find!" She turned to Mrs. Weasley. "Kenneth O'Keefe was one of the Death Eaters who murdered your brothers! Don't you care? Doesn't that bother you? How can you bear to sit down at the same table as the spawn of your brothers' murderer?"

Mrs. Weasley seemed much taller than she truly was as she drew herself up. Her brown eyes burned but her voice was steady as she said, "Gideon and Fabian died fighting for a world in which the biases and prejudices you and Elphias have been throwing at that poor girl would have no place, Emmeline. It bothers me far more to sit at this table and hear you speak of Mairead - who has done nothing wrong - in such a shameful manner."

Doge lowered his eyes, appearing as though he had at last been shamed, but Emmeline's eyes flashed and she turned to Sirius. "How can you defend her?" she demanded. "Her father tortured and killed Benjy! He killed Gideon and Fabian! He almost killed Remus, for God's sake!"

Mairead felt as though the room were closing in around her. Her head whipped around to look at Lupin. "What?" she whispered. But Lupin did not return her gaze. He set his jaw and closed his eyes briefly. He looked annoyed, but Mairead couldn't tell with whom he was annoyed. He had been strangely silent throughout this entire discussion. She looked around at the table of Order members. Everyone seemed furious; half of them looked ready to duel the other half. This couldn't go on.

"Look," she said, then looked anxiously at Dumbledore. "May I say something, please?" she asked quietly. Dumbledore bowed his head.

"Of course."

Addressing no one in particular, Mairead softly said, "I - I came here because I wanted to help... but I don't want to sow discord among you all. This work is too important to get hung up on one person. So why don't I just leave? You can vote if you still want to, and somebody can get in touch with me to let me know what you decide. I just don't think you should be fighting amongst yourselves. That's - that's not good... Sorry. That's just what I think. Sorry."

She began to rise, avoiding Sirius, whom she could tell was trying to catch her eye.

"Well, wait!" said Doge. Mairead looked up at him. "She'll have to stay in this house until we vote. If we vote to expel her she'll have to have her memory modified so she can't identify us or find her way back here."

Mairead felt eerily calm at the idea of having parts of her mind taken from her. "I'll wait," she said. "I'll be, erm... in the drawing room."

"No, you can't wait in the drawing room, it's full of doxies, you'll get swarmed," said Sirius. He began to rise. "I'll take you to a place you can wait."

Mairead nodded, grateful not to have to leave the room alone. In a show of solidarity, Sirius slung his arm around her shoulders and held her close to his side as he guided her out of the room.

"I can't believe them," Sirius said darkly as they climbed the stairs. "I honestly can't believe those mother-"

"Sirius, shh!" Mairead hushed him as they neared the portraits.

Sirius scowled and gestured for her to follow him up the stairs. He opened a door on the third floor and Mairead followed him into what had clearly once been a grand bedroom. Curled up in one corner of the room was the same hippogriff Mairead had seen tethered outside Hagrid's cabin before the first Order meeting.

"This is Buckbeak," said Sirius. "And this," he said, gesturing halfheartedly around at the room, "used to be my mother's room."

Mairead chuckled softly at Sirius's obvious contempt.

"You know what to do with a hippogriff, right?" Sirius asked her. Mairead shook her head.

Sirius quickly showed Mairead how to bow to Buckbeak. He told her he wanted to be sure they were on good terms before going back to the meeting. Mairead was grateful for Sirius's help and support, but she wished he would leave. She wanted desperately to be alone. She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep from crying. Eventually he started out of the room, but paused in the doorway.

"Don't worry, Mairead," he said. "You've got more than half of that room on your side. I can tell. Remus is probably down there reasoning with them right now. He's good at that. You just sit tight and I'll be back for you before you know it."

She forced herself to smile and nod at him. As soon as the door clicked shut Mairead's legs crumpled and she curled up on the floor and began to cry.


A scowl took over Sirius's face as soon as he left his mother's bedroom.

That poor kid, he thought. She doesn't deserve this.

If he were feeling reasonable, Sirius could see why Emmeline was so upset. She and Benjy had been lovers, and it truly was sick how O'Keefe had dismembered him. Sirius remembered how tormented Emmeline had been by the uncertainty of whether Benjy had been cut up before or after he had died. And Elphias Doge had always been a cantankerous old crank, so he couldn't really say he was surprised by his stance.

Snape, though. He was just stirring the cauldron.

The slimy bastard.

He reentered the kitchen, determined to push things along and get Mairead back in there where she belonged. As he approached the table, though, he could sense that the mood had shifted while he was gone, and that the change was not in Mairead's favor. Sirius glared around at all of them.

"I can't believe you lot," he said bitterly. "What happened to all of you? The Order of the Phoenix I knew would have been drooling at the possibility of getting someone like her on board."

"The Order of the Phoenix you knew lost nearly half its numbers in a single year," remarked Sturgis ruefully.

"And half of those were thanks to her father," added Emmeline acerbically.

"Listen, she is not like that," Sirius insisted. "You've got to trust me on this."

"Why should we?" asked Elphias. "You had never even met this girl until a week ago."

"That's not actually true," Sirius said. "We'd met once before."

"When?" asked Dedalus.

Sirius cocked an eyebrow. "Why, when I broke into Hogwarts, of course."

Mundungus, who until this point had been sitting silently in a smelly heap in his chair, stirred. "You broke into Hogwarts, mate?" he asked. Sirius shot him a grin.

"Yep," he said, sitting back down in his chair. "I'd gotten my hands on a knife and I was planning to use it on Peter, who was stowing away in the Gryffindor Third Year boys' dormitory under the guise of a pet rat - your son's pet rat, in fact." He nodded at Arthur and Molly. "Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get past the Fat Lady's portrait, so I had to get out before I was caught. I'd made it back to the first floor and I thought I was home free, but then I saw this... this girl coming out of the library. Tiny, scrawny little thing. I could tell she recognized me, and I could tell she was scared out of her wits. Shaking all over. I figured she'd run, but you know what she did? She pulled her wand on me."

Sirius could still see Mairead, standing there in her Hufflepuff robes, trembling from head to foot, training her wand on him and trying to look authoritative. He shook his head once and continued.

"I told her to give me her wand and I wouldn't hurt her. And you've got to remember: this is a kid with no training, still a student, who - as you've so graciously pointed out, Snape - couldn'tve done jack shit with her wand if she'd wanted to. So what does she do? She bluffs me. Tells me to get down on the ground." He paused and barked out a laugh at her boldness. "'Course I wasn't about to do that, so I lunged at her. Thought she'd drop her wand and run. But guess what? She didn't. That girl fought me tooth and nail - literally. She bit the shit out of me. Got a nasty bloody infection from it, as well. Anyway, I wasn't expecting a fight and... well, it was a complete accident, but in the struggle, the knife sort of... wound up in her side."

Molly Weasley gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth. Sirius nodded at her.

"So she's down on the ground, and I can tell right away she's seriously hurt - bleeding really badly. I tell her to give me her wand and I'll fix her up." Sirius paused and looked Elphias Doge right in the eyes. "Do you know what she said to me?" Elphias shook his head, watching Sirius intently. "She told me to go fuck myself."

Sirius heard Bill and Charlie laugh appreciatively and Tonks mutter, "Nice!" under her breath. Beside him, Sirius saw Remus pass a hand over his face. Sirius jabbed his index finger into the table for emphasis as he continued.

"This untrained, seventeen-year-old Hufflepuff half-Squib kid looks a Death Eater in the eye - a Death Eater who's her only chance of not bleeding to death on the floor - and she tells him to get fucked."

"Yeah, only you weren't really a Death Eater," argued Mundungus, stating the obvious.

"She didn't know that, though," Sturgis said, looking over at Emmeline.

"No, she didn't," agreed Sirius. "She had every reason to believe her choices were to give her wand to a Death Eater and live, or don't, and die." Here he looked over at Emmeline. "And she chose death."

"You're forgetting the best part, Sirius," Filius Flitwick squeaked. "You're forgetting what she did with her wand."

"I'm getting to it," said Sirius. "So, yeah - I'll admit, I really wanted her wand. It would've allowed me to get to Peter and probably even would've gotten me back out. So I told her she could give me her wand and I'd fix her up before I went, or I'd just wait until she died and take it then."

"Sirius!" admonished Molly.

"I was bluffing!" he cried defensively. "I was gonna heal her as soon as I got her wand. Only she did something I didn't count on." Sirius paused and looked around the table for effect. "She destroyed her own wand."

Several jaws actually dropped. Sirius was extremely pleased to see that Emmeline was looking shocked. Sirius let that sink in for a few moments before he continued.

"Look, I know you might be dubious because of her last name," he said. "I'll admit it - I was, too. But here's the thing: that girl's loyalty has been tested in a way most of ours never has. And she didn't think twice before doing what had to be done. I was there - she didn't hesitate for one goddamn second. There wasn't a flicker of uncertainty." Sirius sat back in his chair. "All I'm saying is, someone who's looked death straight in the eye and death blinked first? That's someone I'd want on my team."

A thoughtful silence followed Sirius's speech. He looked around subtly and could tell that Emmeline had been swayed and that Elphias might just tip, as well. Emmeline took a deep breath, then looked over at Dumbledore.

"Do you really think she can handle herself, headmaster?" she asked.

"I do," said Dumbledore gravely. He briefly looked over at Sirius, eyes twinkling. Sirius gave him the ghost of a smile.

You're welcome, he thought smugly.

"Look, if you've got any questions about that, ask Remus," Sirius said. "He worked with her one-on-one. He knows better than any of us what she can handle, right, Remus?"

He looked over at Remus, who had been staring thoughtfully at his hands the whole time Sirius had been speaking, a small frown on his face. Remus raised his head and looked at Sirius, and Sirius was caught off-balance by the grave look on his friend's face.

"Actually, Sirius, I agree with Severus," said Remus slowly. "I don't think Mairead should be in the Order."

"What?!"

Remus shook his head regretfully. "She is not equipped to handle the situations she would be thrown into."

It wasn't often that Sirius was rendered speechless, but Moony? Siding with Snivellus? He gaped wordlessly at Remus.

"Remus -"

"I'm sorry, Sirius, I really am," Remus said. "But Severus is right - Mairead performed well on the test, but it was only that: a test, in a highly controlled environment, as he said. If you're asking my opinion, it is that Mairead is not equal to this work."

"But you didn't just prepare her for the O.W.L., Remus," said Pomona Sprout, looking distressed. "Dumbledore said you taught her to duel. We discussed this in his office, don't you remember? The whole idea behind your lessons was to give her a fighting chance."

"A fighting chance to escape, not to take down a Death Eater," said Remus evenly. "The best she could hope for from what I taught her is little more than the element of surprise: to buy herself a moment or two to get away, should she be unexpectedly assailed. I never promised to prepare her for combat. I couldn't do that. No one could do that."

Sirius finally found his voice again. "I can't believe you," he said softly. "You're the one who vouched for her to me. I thought you were on her side!"

"I am on her side," Remus retorted sharply. "That's why I'm trying to keep her alive."

Sirius shook his head, disappointment souring in his gut and turning to disgust at his friend. Remus had always been the cautious one, it was true, but this felt like betrayal. Sirius thought bitterly to himself that if James were here, he never would have stood for this.

"Nobody's prepared for combat when they join the Order," Moody spoke up. "Unless you're a trained Auror, everybody starts as an amateur. Is anybody here going to ask how much combat Hestia's seen, or Arthur?"

"Just what I was going to say," agreed Sturgis, nodding. "She passed her O.W.L., didn't she? Took the same test everybody else did, didn't she?"

"The Ordinary Wizard Levels are for Fifth Years," Remus reminded him. "She hasn't even taken her N.E.W.T."

"No, but she was prepared to," reasoned Arthur. "If she hadn't been called away she would have taken them."

"And who knows whether she would have passed?" said Remus. "All we know is that she passed the O.W.L. exam. Are we to let every student who has an O.W.L. in Defense Against the Dark Arts join the Order? Are you prepared to let Fred and George join the Order, Arthur? For that matter - Ron is going to be taking his O.W.L.s this year. Will you let him fight Lord Voldemort?"

"Ron is fifteen years old, Remus," McGonagall snapped. "Mairead is an adult. She is not a student anymore, and she is not a child anymore. She should be allowed to make her own choices."

"She doesn't know what she's getting herself into," Remus insisted stubbornly. "Look, I like Mairead; I think she's a fine person and I don't question her loyalties for one moment. But I just don't think she has the first idea what she's getting herself into."

"Then you're a damn fool," growled Moody. "You used to be smart, sonny. What happened to you? You think she doesn't know what she's getting herself into? She lived it. I thought Black said you knew her. Don't you have any idea what happened to her? What was done to her at the hands of those sick sons of bitches?" He shook his head disgustedly. "How could you? You weren't at the trial. But you were, Doge, weren't you? You should remember her testimony. Nine years old and standing there testifying against some of the most powerful people in the wizarding world. You know what she lived through." Turning away from Doge and back to Remus, Moody continued. "Where do you think Barty Crouch learned the Cruciatus Curse from? You think his dear old dad taught it to him? He learned from Kenneth O'Keefe. And who do you think he practiced on?"

"Good God," said Sirius in disgust. The thought had honestly never occurred to him. "How old was she?"

"When it started?" Moody shrugged. "Three or four?"

"You're only making my point stronger, Mad-Eye!" Remus burst out, slamming his fist on the table. Sirius looked over at him, briefly startled out of his annoyance. Remus seldom let his emotions have their way with him, and he hardly ever raised his voice, but now he was looking positively frantic. "For God's sake! She almost sat down and had tea with Barty Crouch! She's too trusting - she has no idea -"

"If you will forgive the interruption, Remus," Dumbledore cut in. "I would like to point out that Barty Crouch fooled many of the people around this table for an entire academic year, myself included. And as far as your comment about Mairead being too trusting, I'm afraid I must disagree with you entirely."

"She trusted me," said Remus as though that proved his point. Sirius could hear the self-loathing dripping from his words.

"You deserve her trust. Yet despite that, it took you nearly a year to earn that trust."

Remus shook his head, refusing to change his stance. Sirius was unable to contain his frustration and bewilderment at the stubborn werewolf any longer.

"Jesus Christ, Remus, I would've thought you'd be with me on this!" he cried. "I thought as soon as the Hold got placed on her you'd be the first one to jump to her defense." Remus looked back at him, his face guarded and unreadable.

"And why would I do that, Sirius, when I'm the one who placed the Hold on her?"

There was a long, shocked silence.

"What?" Sirius breathed. "Moony, how could you?"

Remus's jaw was set and his eyes were sparking. Sirius recognized the look Remus got on the rare occasion he had trouble controlling himself. "Yes, you've impressed us all very much with the story of how Mairead defied you on Halloween night," he said, and his voice began to throb with urgency and poorly-suppressed emotion. "I would never deny the courage and selflessness she showed that night. But you weren't there for the aftermath, Sirius; I was. I'm the one who found her. I'm the one who found her lying there, lifeless, in a pool of her own blood. You weren't there when her heart stopped beating, but I was! She quite literally died in my arms - twice! I'm the one who tried to carry her to the Hospital Wing only for her to wake up and refuse to let me help her until I had warned Dumbledore of your whereabouts. I am perfectly aware of how brave she is." Remus paused for a moment, breathing unsteadily. "But I seem to be the only one aware of how fragile she is. You and I have very different memories of that night, Sirius."

Another long silence followed Remus's outburst. Remus held Sirius's gaze, eyes blazing.

"You can't keep her out of the Order simply because you don't want to see her get hurt, Remus," said Emmeline, of all people. "If we could each eliminate one person from the Order we cared about, there would be no one left."

Sirius could see in Remus's eyes that he knew he had been defeated. His shoulders sagged ever-so-slightly. He closed his eyes, still breathing unsteadily, a muscle jumping in his jaw. Through his surprise and irritation, Sirius began to understand what he was looking at, why Remus was so invested in keeping Mairead out of the Order.

Interesting...

"Let's vote," said Sturgis. "We're just going around in circles here."

Dumbledore addressed the whole table. "Has everyone come to a decision?" Everyone at the table nodded. "All those in favor of admitting Mairead O'Keefe to the Order of the Phoenix, please raise your hand."


Mairead hadn't allowed herself to cry for very long. She didn't think the vote would take nearly as long as it did, and she hadn't wanted to go back before everyone with red, puffy eyes. As soon as she had managed to stem the flow of tears, however, exhaustion overtook her. By the time Sirius returned for her, she was curled up on the floor beside Buckbeak, idly stroking the feathers between his orange eyes, which had long since drifted closed in contentment. Her breath hitched. She didn't want to have the memory of this moment taken from her.

She jumped when Sirius burst through the door, grinning exultantly.

"You're in!" he announced, striding over to her and pulling her to her feet. "By an enormous margin, mind you - twenty-one to one!"

Mairead laughed in disbelief. "Well, that'll be that guy from the Wizengamot, won't it?" she said, unsurprised that he had not changed his mind.

"Actually, no," Sirius said. "Doge voted yes."

Mairead's eyebrows shot up. "Really?" She shrugged. "Snape, then."

Sirius dropped her gaze and clapped her on the back. "Let's get back down there so the meeting can actually start."

Mairead couldn't believe it. Sirius and Professor Lupin must have fought like devils to get her in. She wished she could hug them both.

When Sirius opened the door to the kitchen and stood back to let her enter, she was surprised to be met by a table full of welcoming smiles.

"Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Mairead," said Dumbledore warmly.

"Thank you, sir," she said in barely above a whisper. She chanced a quick glance around and saw that Snape was looking at her with his usual calculating gaze, and Elphias Doge still had suspicion flickering in his expression.

"Well, then, shall we begin?" asked Dumbledore.

"Just a minute, Dumbledore," said Doge, watching Mairead. "I think we should set some ground rules, just to be absolutely sure."

Doge considered Mairead for a few moments, then said, "I think it would be the smartest move, just for the time being, if Miss O'Keefe's movements were monitored by a trusted member of the Order. After all, many of you who vouched for her haven't even seen her since she graduated. You don't know what kind of crowds she may have fallen into since leaving school. I think a temporary watch should be set, just until we are convinced she is to be trusted. Dumbledore or I will meet with her once or twice a month to check on her progress and to evaluate whether her performance merits her continued presence in the Order." His eyes flashed a challenge at Mairead. "I'm sure the young lady will not object. If she has nothing to hide, that is."

Twenty-two pairs of eyes turned and looked at Mairead, and all she wanted was to be invisible. "Okay," she breathed, quailing under all of the attention.

"Excellent," said Doge. "We can set that up at the end of the meeting."

Mairead stared at the tabletop as the meeting began, feeling like she was going to start crying again. She had thought she was in, but clearly this wasn't an unqualified admittance. Her fingers began to curl into fists in her lap as she thought of being monitored by people she was supposed to be able to trust, who were supposed to trust her but who clearly didn't.

It's just like being back at Hogwarts. The horrible thought rose to the surface of her mind and she could not force it back down. She ground her teeth together. She had promised herself that those days were over. That she would no longer waste her time on people who thought she had to earn the right to breathe the same air as them. The days to come and what she could expect from them stretched before her in her mind - trying to smile and act like everything was fine, pretending she didn't notice the conversations that hastily broke off when she walked into a room, the little, nothing-comments about her condition that cut to the bone.

She couldn't do it. She wouldn't do it.

"Actually... no."

The words were out of her mouth before she had consciously made up her mind to say them. Elphias Doge and Dumbledore broke off in the middle of whatever they were discussing. Mairead hadn't been paying attention - something about a speech to the Wizengamot.

"Excuse me?" said Doge.

Mairead swallowed and sat up straight, but was unable to look Doge directly in the eye. "I said 'no.'"

"I heard what you said," Doge clarified, "I am wondering what you could have meant by it."

Mairead took a deep, shaky breath, screwing up her courage. "Look, I'm here because I want to help. But if you don't want my help, that's fine. Seriously. No hard feelings. But I'm not going to do this... this..." She gestured back and forth between Doge and herself. "This in-between thing. Where I'm a member, just not as much as everybody else." Now that she had gotten going, she felt brave enough to look Doge straight in the eye as she spoke her next words. "I have spent enough of my life trying to justify my existence to people like you, Mr. Doge, and I'm simply not interested in doing that anymore. I want to help, but I am not going to consent to monitoring, or having my communications and personal life scrutinized, or being subjected to regularly scheduled loyalty tests. Not unless every single other person at this table is going to be subjected to those same things equally. Including you. If you want my help, I'll stay. If you don't, I'll go. Just pick."

"We have."

At last, Professor Lupin had spoken up. Mairead looked over at him gratefully, but he wasn't looking her way, but over at Doge. "Mairead is right, Elphias. We've already voted. She's in. Enough of this."

Doge held Lupin's gaze for a moment or two before sighing in defeat.

"Oh, very well," he said, sounding cranky.

Sirius looked over at Mairead and offered her a grin and a thumbs up. Mairead gave him a tiny smile, feeling shaky like she had just thrown up.

"I have added Miss O'Keefe and Miss Tonks to our membership list," said Flitwick.

"Can we finally get started, then?" Professor McGonagall asked impatiently.

Dumbledore nodded.

"The first official meeting of the Order of the Phoenix is hereby called to order."


Whew! I think that might be the longest chapter in the entire series so far! What did you think? Were you surprised by what Remus did? And what do you think was up with him getting all irritated while Sirius was flirting with Mairead? ;-) I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thanks so much for reading!

No song for Chapter 4