Chapter 34
Tim knew that no one wanted this. He knew what every argument was. He could even acknowledge that they were valid arguments. He didn't care. He was still angry. He was still afraid. However, he also had suddenly felt a surge of determination and he was not giving that up. He would not give up the feeling that he could do something. And he knew that he wasn't just saying words. He meant it. He would do it alone if he had to.
But I'm never alone. There's always someone watching. It's all a matter of their intentions.
"Tim, you can't do this," Tony said.
"Yes, I can and I will," Tim said. "The only way you'll stop me is by putting me in a prison cell."
Tony grimaced and Tim knew why. He'd just said that he knew Tim couldn't survive in a cell, no matter how nice it was.
"My family needs to get back home. And yes, I need to get back there, too. I agree, but I can't go with them, and I know you're going to say that I'm the most important person to get safe, but I don't care. I cannot and will not leave my brother-in-law to be a pawn in this game. I'm not going to be the king sitting at the back of the board while everyone else gets sacrificed because the game is over if I'm gone. It's not happening."
There was a long pause and then Hammami looked at Omar who said nothing but there must have been some kind of silent communication because Hammami sighed.
"We're not in contact with the people looking for your brother-in-law right now. Our assignment was to find you and your family and get you to safety."
"And you can do that for my family. I want you to, but I'm not going along."
"Regardless, we have to get back to Jeddah, don't we?" Omar asked, speaking for the first time.
"Yes," Drake said, reluctantly.
"Then, why don't we focus on getting there and we can argue along the way."
There was a pause, and Tim was surprised that both Hammami and Drake seemed willing to take orders from Omar. Tim had been just thinking of Omar as another agent guarding him, but maybe he was more important than he had thought.
After a moment, Hammami nodded.
"All right. With your children being so young, Agent McGee, I don't think we want to make them walk at this time of the day. We can start back during the night if you're all right with that."
"Yes," Tim said. "I'll need to tell my wife what's happening in any case."
"Zahara won't like this, Tim. She won't want you to do this," Tony said. "You know that."
"I know. I still have to do it," Tim said.
He didn't know how long this determination would last but he was going to hang onto it for as long as possible. He took a breath and started for the tent.
"Tim, you can't do this to yourself."
"Yes, I can," Tim said. "Would you and Ziva mind playing with the kids while I tell Zahara? They don't need to be there for it."
Tony shook his head.
"Thanks."
Then, Tim went into the tent and walked over to Zahara and knelt down in front of her. Jonathan and Salma were still there with her.
"Salma, would you take your brother and go and play with Tony and Ziva for a few minutes?"
"Baba, are you okay?" Salma asked in a scared voice.
Tim forced himself to smile.
"Yes. I'm okay. I'm sorry I scared you before. Will you give me a hug?"
Instantly, Salma hugged him around the neck and Tim hugged his daughter, wishing he could make all this go away for her but knowing that he couldn't. Then, he kissed her on the cheek and sent her out. Ziva looked worried and Tony was giving her a significant look, but neither of them said anything about it.
"Salma, can you show me around the camp?" Tony asked. "We just got here."
Salma nodded and the fear was gone for the moment. "You can meet Samia!"
"That sounds wonderful," Ziva said and took Jonathan's hand.
They both left the tent and Tim stayed kneeling in front of Zahara. As soon as their children were gone, Zahara dropped her head and began to cry in earnest.
"Oh, Tim. What will happen to Ahmed?"
"I don't know," Tim said, and while that wasn't a lie, he could easily guess what might happen to someone being used as a bargaining chip. He would be alive but he would wish he wasn't.
He didn't feel the need to share that idea. Instead, he hugged Zahara, trying to comfort her in the way he hadn't been able to before. And while Tony might think he was oblivious, he knew that what he was about to say wouldn't help Zahara feel any better, at least not in the short term.
After a few minutes, Tim pulled away.
"Zahara, you're going to take Salma and Jonathan and go home with the CIA agents who came to get us."
"What?"
"You're going to take the kids and go home, to be safe."
"I am? Alone? Tim, what about you? It is not safe for you here."
"I know, but I'm going to stay and help them find Ahmed."
Zahara grabbed his arms and shook her head fearfully.
"No, Tim. You can't do that. I could not bear to lose you, too."
"You're not going to lose either one of us if I can help it. Zahara, you and I both know... everyone knows that the reason they went after your brother is because they want me. If they use me as bait, they can get to Ahmed and save him. If they think that there's going to be an exchange, then, they'll have to reveal where he is."
"And what if it fails? Tim, what if they catch you and take you away from us? Salma needs her baba. Jonathan needs to have his father. I need you."
Tim tried to think of how to explain it so that she would at least accept his decision even if it wouldn't make it good. He knew it wasn't going to be good, regardless.
He held out his left hand. Zahara took it with her own left hand and their rings clinked together. Then, Tim covered her hand with his.
"Zahara, I love you. I love you more than anyone, and I would do anything you asked. But this is something I have to do. For the first time in years, I feel like I can do something. I feel like I can be more than the weak, cowardly man you've had to deal with. I can't let someone we both care about suffer for my life. I don't want you to suffer, either. And you'll suffer if Ahmed isn't rescued. They're looking for him and maybe they'll find him, but if I'm there, they definitely will, because eventually, these people will have to do something to get to me. There's something I can do and I want to do it. For you, for Ahmed... and for myself."
Zahara looked at him silently for a long time. Then, she covered his right hand with her right hand.
"You are not weak, Tim. You are not a coward. I love you. I don't want you to do this, to feel like you must do this. But if this is what you want to do, then, you must promise me one thing."
"What?"
Zahara leaned in and kissed him and then looked deeply into his eyes.
"You must survive and come back home. Promise me."
Tim didn't want to make that promise simply because he knew it was possible that he'd break it even if he didn't intend to. This would be dangerous. He knew it.
"Please, Tim. You must promise."
"I promise. Even if I have to swim across the Atlantic."
Zahara smiled a little and then she kissed him and hugged him tightly.
"Bring Ahmed home and bring yourself."
"I will."
"That is the only way I will let you go," Zahara whispered to him.
"I don't deserve you," Tim said.
"Yes, you do. And I deserve you."
For a long while, they sat in the tent in silence, just holding each other.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Suhayl could see that something had changed in the time he had not been watching. Tony and Ziva were both tense. Even Salma was not quite as happy as she had been before, although Samia was stepping up to play hostess to their visitors in a way that Suhayl was proud of even as he knew he shouldn't be encouraging it.
"I met your baba when I was your age, Salma," Samia said. "He was staying with us during the shamal."
"What's a shamal?" Salma asked.
"A sandstorm. It is so big that it is dark in the day. We cannot see the sun."
"Wow!"
Suhayl smiled. He hadn't realized that Samia hadn't known Tim's status as a prisoner when they had first met although there was no reason she should have at her age. All she knew was that he had saved her...and really, that was all that mattered. Suhayl watched for a moment and then walked over to Tony.
"I would speak with you alone," he said in a low voice.
Samia heard him and looked up, but he just gestured for her to keep talking and she nodded reluctantly.
Tony walked out of the tent with Suhayl.
"What is it?" Tony asked.
"This is what I wish to ask you. Your arrival has not brought good news, although it should have. It should have meant that Tim and his family would be returning safely home. In the time I have been with the diwan, much has changed in Tim's family and it seems that you have been the cause of it."
"Not the cause, just the messenger."
"You bear ill words?"
"Yeah."
"What?"
"Zahara's brother was abducted in Cairo... probably with the intent of either using him to find Tim or to force Tim to give himself up in exchange."
"And Tim knows this?"
"Yeah. Couldn't keep it from him. You can probably guess how he reacted. And now, he's decided to send his family back and he's going to stay to get Ahmed free."
"You see this as a bad thing."
"Well, yeah," Tony said, sounding irritated. "Tim doesn't need to stay. The CIA is looking for Ahmed already. Staying puts him at more risk and Tim already feels too guilty about all this stuff that's been happening. This isn't going to help."
"Perhaps it will."
"Nothing else has in the last two years."
Suhayl raised an eyebrow. He really hadn't interacted with Tony much before and he was much more overtly emotional than Tim. He showed his feelings very obviously. Perhaps too obviously. He might be using real emotion to cover something else.
"Has he been in this situation in the last two years?"
"Of course not."
"Then, how can you know whether or not it will be bad?" Suhayl asked. "Tim is strong. If he has struggled that does not make him weak. I know he feels he is weak, and perhaps that is because those around him do not see him as strong enough. He is. He knows how to fight. He has simply forgotten. Perhaps helping someone he cares about will remind him."
"And perhaps staying here and putting himself in harm's way will lead to these people capturing him! It's not just a random person who wants him. It's way bigger than that."
"Who is it?"
"Russia."
"How do you know this?"
"Apparently, they got it figured out back in the States. I don't know how, but they wouldn't think so if there was no reason. If Russia gets him, then, he's gone and I don't see how we could ever get him back."
"This is more serious than I had thought, but my reasoning stands. You cannot know what will happen, and if Tim wishes to try, it is not for you to tell him that he cannot. All that does is demonstrate your feeling that he is not strong enough to fight for what he feels is right."
Tony looked genuinely surprised. Suhayl had seen how shaky Tim was, but Tim had been strong in the past and he had a hard time believing that Tim could have lost that strength, but it could be buried beneath his fear, and well-meaning friends might have had a hand in it by treating him as more fragile than he really was.
"But if it will help you, I will go with him when he aids in the search for Ahmed and I will not allow him to give himself up, even if he tries to do so."
Tony raised an eyebrow at him, seeming to express skepticism.
"Do you doubt my word?"
"No, but why would you do that? From what Tim has said, all you want is to be here with your family. This isn't your fight."
"Tim saved my daughter's life. And he has shown himself to be a good man who will do what he can to help others. That makes him worth saving if necessary."
"You make it seem so simple."
"It is. The world is hard to understand, but I understand people."
"And you'll do this just to help Tim?"
"Yes."
"Well, we can't go back if Tim doesn't."
"One of you should. It will be easier for Zahara if she has someone she knows with her."
"She's stronger than you know."
Suhayl smiled at the retort.
"Perhaps, but she is still someone with two children to care for in a stressful situation where she may be under threat. She should have protection and companionship until Tim can return to her."
"You might be right. Ziva and I will have to fight over who stays and who goes."
"Is not one of you senior over the other?"
Tony smiled. "Yeah, but Ziva is also my wife and pulling rank on her won't help."
Suhayl knew that life was different in the West, but he couldn't get used to it, not fully. Still, he had seen Ziva before. He knew she was fully competent. He could tell by how she moved.
"We cannot go yet in any case. You may have time to fight, but we may leave you behind if you cannot agree."
Tony actually chuckled at that.
"Okay. I'll stop fighting Tim on it, but I still think it could go wrong."
"It is always possible for things to go wrong. That is this whole situation, but it is also possible for things to go right. You must be prepared for either possibility."
Tony nodded and then returned to the tent.
Suhayl watched and then walked back to the diwan.
They needed to know that he would be leaving again.
