Chapter 44
Tony looked around and didn't see Tim.
"Tim didn't get off the plane, did he?"
Edwards shook his head.
"He went to the bathroom," he said.
Tony furrowed his brow. Yes, it could just be that Tim was answering the call of nature, but somehow, he doubted it.
"Is there a way to open the door from the outside?" he asked.
"Yeah, but... why?"
"Just a feeling."
Edwards shrugged. "There's a latch under the lavatory sign. Just lift it up and slide it back."
"Oh. Really?"
Edwards actually smiled a little. "Yeah. Standard on pretty much all planes."
"Oh."
That was news to Tony but that was okay. He strode to the back of the plane, flipped up the lavatory sign and sure enough, there was the latch. He slid it back and opened the door, hoping that he was reading the situation correctly.
He was.
Tim was sitting on the toilet seat, visibly shaking, breathing noisily and rocking a little back and forth. Tony grimaced. This was what he'd been expecting ever since they'd had to come to Egypt. They all knew that Tim's mental health had been shaky, but even in the best of circumstances, Tim didn't handle extended stresses like this very well. If anyone else was here, Tony would hand the responsibility over to them gladly... but no one else was there and while Tim could possibly work through this on his own, given enough time, there was no reason to force that on him.
So Tony took a breath and then leaned over and pulled Tim to his feet and then directed him out of the bathroom. He would have given Tim the privacy he deserved, but there just wasn't room for that. Instead, he pulled Tim to a seat and forced him to sit down there. Tim only resisted a little bit, but he didn't say a word. He just trembled. For a few minutes, Tony just sat with his arm around Tim's shoulders. He didn't say anything. When Omar looked back, Tony shook his head. Tim would not want any other witnesses to his meltdown. Even if Tony didn't know exactly what to do in this situation, he knew Tim well enough to know that he hated people seeing the illustration of his continued mental weakness.
"Tim, it's okay if you're having a meltdown right now. I knew it was coming. You probably did, too. Just breathe. Ahmed will be okay. We're heading home. We won! And you didn't have to kill anyone to do it. It's all over now and you can go home and see your family and I can go home and drive Ziva crazy and things can get back to normal again. But this is okay. I know you had too much on your plate to worry about, but we're good."
Tony kept talking, but Tim didn't respond. However, it was possible that his shaking wasn't as pronounced.
Omar came back.
"Anything you need?" he asked in a low voice.
Tony forced a laugh, although he'd rarely felt less like laughing.
"Yeah. To get back home."
Omar nodded.
"We'll be taking off soon."
"Good."
Then, Omar withdrew and Tony returned his focus to Tim.
And suddenly, Tim started crying. It wasn't hysterical sobbing or anything, but it came out of nowhere and Tony really felt uncomfortable, but this wasn't the first time Tim had broken down like this so he just tried to keep Tim grounded.
"It's all right, Tim. Crying is fine. You've got plenty to be upset about, but once you can, think about the fact that it's all okay now."
And finally, Tim responded.
"Is it?" he whispered.
"Yes, it is. It doesn't have to be amazing and wonderful and great, but it's okay."
Tim took a long, deep, shaky breath and then let it out in a whoosh.
"It doesn't feel okay," he said.
"I can see that, but it is. I promise."
"We didn't get them all."
"So? It doesn't mean that others won't step in and clean up. Since they failed, do you really think that the Russian government will protect them? I kind of doubt it."
"That doesn't mean they won't get away."
"No, but it's never meant that. You never knew for sure, but it's still okay. You can be glad that this worked out, Tim. You don't have to..."
"What about Ahmed?"
"He's alive and he's going to recover."
"You never fully recover from torture, Tony. You know that."
"But things can be good again. And you made the right choice, even if you don't think so. You chose not to kill that guy when you didn't have to and that's a good thing."
"It doesn't feel like it."
"Yeah, I know. But it is. Give yourself some time and you'll see that."
"What about right now?"
"Right now, the plane takes off and we get back to the States. Safely. Then, you do whatever you need to do to feel better again and I'm not taking no for an answer."
The main door closed with a loud thunk and Tim jumped. Tony kept his arm around Tim as he took another shaky breath and let it out in another whoosh.
"I'm just going to sit here with you until you're ready."
"Ready for what?" Tim asked.
"Anything. Even if I have to sit right here the whole flight. I will do that. So don't worry about it. It's a little weird, but it's not hard to do. So I will."
Tim actually let out a little bit of a laugh and Tony was glad to hear it. Maybe this would be okay after all.
As the plane taxied for takeoff, Tony did as he said and sat beside Tim, just letting him be silent. None of the agents came over to talk to them and Tony could see that Ahmed was being cared for. All in all, this had gone as good as it possibly could have.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Suhayl watched the plane take off and then he went back to the site of their rescue. When he went into the place where Ahmed had been held, he was mostly unsurprised to see that the bodies were all gone, even the one Tim had almost killed. Thomas had taken him out of sight and killed him while Tim was distracted. While he agreed with Tony that Tim shouldn't have been the one to kill the man, simply because of who Tim was, he knew (as Tim did) that ultimately, Tim was safer with the man dead.
He walked through the space, making sure that nothing was left behind. Satisfied that it was essentially empty and that the only evidence would point to the Russians, Suhayl left the building and began the journey back home. He would have to make a report of his involvement and the results, but overall, he should be able to have some time with his family.
As he walked through the streets of Cairo, he considered what had happened. He really felt for Tim's predicament. He had no way to get off this path he was on. Before he had accepted it, but with every blow, it became harder and Suhayl understood why. He had not been raised to this life. He had not chosen it. Everything had been thrust upon him and he was left just trying to deal with the struggle. He was on the losing end at the moment, but Suhayl had every confidence that the strength he had seen in Tim before would reassert itself and that he would recover.
Regardless, his part was done. He didn't expect to see Tim ever again, but at the same time, who could ever know what the future would bring? Life had brought Tim into his sphere three times now. Perhaps a fourth was possible.
If so, it would bring him joy, no matter the circumstance.
For now, it was time to go home.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Dr. Hicks paused before he got out of his car. Zahara had always been supportive of Tim getting the help he needed, but she had not really been comfortable with the idea of getting help for herself. Still, he did want to know how things were going and he felt he might be able to offer some assistance in the interim, given how turbulent the McGees' lives had been of late. Ducky's visit had been welcome and illuminating. Now, that the McGees were home, it would be a good idea to see where they stood psychologically speaking.
Decision made again, he opened the car door, got out and then limped to the house. He knocked and waited patiently.
After a moment, the door opened, but it wasn't Zahara. It was Ziva.
"Dr. Hicks," she said, looking very surprised. "I did not know that Zahara had called you."
"She didn't. I thought she might benefit from a visit. Do you mind?"
Ziva smiled, but her smile was not very genuine. It was clear that the stress hitting the McGee family was hitting everyone around them as well. Still, she stood back.
"Please, come in and sit down. Salma has been having a hard time today and Zahara is trying to help her feel better. She just wants Tim to come home."
Dr. Hicks nodded. It was no surprise that Salma would be struggling. She likely remembered the chaos of when Tim was gone before even if she hadn't understood it.
"What about Jonathan?"
"He is mostly upset when others are upset. He just knows that Tim is getting Ahmed. The reality of that is not..."
"Real," Dr. Hicks finished. "No big surprise there. He's not old enough to make those kinds of connections."
"Yes, but he knows something is wrong. He has been sleeping in Salma's room, along with Marra. Tim always has told them that Marra will protect them. They don't feel safe."
"I can't fix all that, unfortunately. Time will do more than anything, but I was hoping to speak to Zahara and ask if she wanted my help at all."
Ziva nodded. "I'll go and get her."
Dr. Hicks sat on the couch and thought about the fact that Ziva was here at all. While he didn't know the NCIS people particularly well, what he knew of Ziva was not the kind of person who was content to sit back and let things happen. Perhaps she had mellowed more than he thought. It was always possible that he was simply wrong.
Zahara came into the room, looking unsure about his presence. Dr. Hicks tried to keep her comfortable. The last thing he would want would be to put someone on their guard in their own home.
"Dr. Hicks, I am surprised to see you here. Tim isn't back yet," Zahara said.
"I know he's not. I was hoping I could be of help to you. And your family as well."
"Oh."
Dr. Hicks smiled.
"If you don't think I can be, you can say so. I won't be offended."
"It's not that," Zahara said quickly. "I just... had not expected that you would think of offering that help. I knew you would for Tim, but..."
"Anything that helps you helps Tim as well. Plus, your whole family has gone through something traumatic. I didn't specialize in child psychology, but I did specialize in helping people through intense trauma and, on occasion, I have worked with children. Otherwise, I could even give you referrals."
Zahara sat down across from him and leaned forward, looking earnest and worried.
"Do you think they will need that?"
"They may. Some children bounce back and can move on. Others need help, even just to know that it's okay that they were afraid and that they can ask for help when they feel afraid later, that they're not weird for still being afraid when the source of the fear isn't there. However, some do need more help working through the trauma so that it isn't something that lingers and festers. I don't know which your children will be, but it might be worth checking. Ziva told me that your children are sleeping in the same room which they don't normally do?"
"Yes, and Marra is sleeping in the room with them. That is not normally allowed. Normally, Marra must stay downstairs, but Salma asked and I said yes."
"Giving her a physical object to tell her that she's safe is not a bad thing, but since both of your children are exhibiting fears for their safety, even if it's not me, I think you should have someone speak to them. You can be there. It wouldn't be them alone with a therapist and it doesn't have to be a long-term situation as Tim's is. It could be more like yours, some extra help during the worst of the stress and then they're able to manage either on their own or with the help of their parents."
Zahara nodded, but Dr. Hicks could see the worry and fear she was feeling.
"Now, how are you?" he asked.
"Me?"
"Yes. How are you doing with all of this?"
"I am... afraid of what will happen. Ahmed is the last of my family. He's my brother. We went to see him and all this has happened. And Tim stayed behind to make sure he was found because he blames himself for what has happened to Ahmed. If something worse happens to Ahmed, I will lose my brother and I may lose my husband, too. I don't know what to do. And..." Then, there were tears in her eyes. "...how can I raise my family alone?"
Dr. Hicks leaned forward and smiled gently.
"I don't blame you for those fears, Zahara. You have a lot on your plate right now. Regardless of whether or not you have your children speak to a therapist, I think you should. You can go back to Dr. Clarence, even just for a few sessions to help regain your equilibrium. This was a traumatic event for all of you and there's no reason to ignore your own needs. There are a lot of people who will help you, and hopefully, you'll find that your husband will be back."
Zahara reached out and grabbed Dr. Hicks' hands.
"Tim must speak to you when he gets back. The best I can hope for is that they found Ahmed alive and saved him and no one was hurt. But I know that Tim will need you. Last time, I did not understand how hard it can be for him, but this time, I will not let him fall so far as he did before."
Dr. Hicks smiled again and squeezed her hands.
"When you know that Tim is coming back, call me. I will make sure that I have time to speak to him at the first opportunity."
"Thank you. I know that it's hard for you. I know that Tim is not your only patient, but you have done so much for him in the past. He will need that."
"He'll have it. Don't worry. Would you like me to give you some suggestions for child psychologists?"
Zahara let his hands go and was clearly thinking about it. Knowing as he did that Zahara's experiences with mental health were not extensive, he wanted to let her think it through rather than push for an answer.
After a few seconds, she nodded.
"Yes. I would like that... and perhaps, I could see Dr. Clarence at the same time?"
"I'll speak to her and ask what she has available."
"Thank you, Dr. Hicks."
"You're very welcome." He pushed himself to his feet, feeling the omnipresent ache, but he ignored it as much as he could. "Remember to call me and I'll be available."
Zahara nodded and walked with him to the door.
"How long should I let Marra sleep in Salma's room?"
"For now, keep it open-ended. For now, it gives them security, but you don't want their well-being to depend on the presence or absence of the family pet."
"Yes."
"I hope I'll hear from you sooner rather than later."
"As do I."
Then, Dr. Hicks walked back to his car. He hoped that this would help, and he also hoped that what everyone feared wouldn't come to pass. There was no doubt that Tim would struggle with this event, but it didn't have to be the worst result. He'd have problems. No question.
The question was simply how bad they would be.
