Chapter 8. Fear Itself
The pain is incredible. His arm and shoulder are white hot with it, tendrils of it radiate over his back and into his brain. The damn lights are so bright, burning a hole in his eyelids. Someone lifts an eyelid, shining an even brighter light into it and he struggles to close it against the assault. There are voices, in a language he doesn't understand but he doesn't like. It feels foreign, wrong, evil. The lights go out, the voices go away, and he is finally left alone to deal with the pain. He opens his eyes and he's in a grimy concrete box of a room, lit by the glow spilling in the doorway from the corridor. Why isn't he dead? Struggling to remember his last memory before waking up he remembers the cold that should have frozen him. Nothing else, no memory of how he got here. He tries to move, and the pain makes him scream but no one comes to check on him.
"This must be hell," he says, whether it is just in his mind or out loud he doesn't know.
"No, Sergeant Barnes," says a disembodied voice that he knows he's heard before, "this is your new life with HYDRA."
The voice fills him with fear, and he struggles to get up, but he is restrained. He manages to break the strap holding his head and in the moment he raises it before guards come into the room to restrain him again, he sees it, an arm, a silver monstrosity.
"What the hell is this?" he yells. "Take it off! Take it off!"
Someone comes with a syringe and injects it into his neck. He feels sleepy again and he stops straining against the restraints. Then his eyes close and all is dark again.
Jade sat upright, feeling her neck then rubbing her arm. She turned to Bucky but he was asleep, on his side facing her. Slipping out of the bed she went to the bathroom and turned on the light at the same time as closing the door. Relieving herself first she then washed her hands and looked at the mirror screaming as she saw the Winter Soldier looking back at her. Bucky burst through the door and she looked back seeing only herself and Bucky holding her.
"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, "Why did you scream?"
"Oh Bucky," she cried, burying her face in his chest. "I'm scared. I'm so, so scared."
He held her, picked her up in his arms and took her back to the bed. In between sobs she told him of the dream, reliving one of his memories, then seeing the Winter Soldier in the mirror instead of herself. Eventually her sobs subsided, and she fell into a shallow sleep. He didn't dare leave her, for fear of her reliving the next one of his memories which he knew would be the memory wipe and the brainwashing. That's what happened after they gave him the arm. The bigger fear was what happened next, the killing. Knowing what it had done to him he worried about what it would do to Jade. He cursed her decision to hold onto those memories of his. For now, all he could do was hold her, comfort her, and stay with her.
—-
Oh, fear is a liar with a smooth and velvet tongue
Fear is a tyrant
He's always telling me to run
Ain't No Grave by Molly Skaggs & Bethel Music
—-
Mission planning started after breakfast in the common room. In the past they would have called out to Friday and the AI would have listed their objectives, team members and responsibilities, blueprints of the facility they were descending on, plus any other relevant information in a 3D display that everyone could see. Since the attack of the Others two years before there had been no networks or internet that would allow the AI to function. When they assembled at the Bunker after New York went dark someone went scrounging and came back with the white board and markers which Steve was now writing on.
Objectives: detain and arrest Elder Abraham for suspected child abduction, child abuse and child sexual abuse. Detain and arrest John Langford for suspected child abduction, aiding and abetting a child abuse ring, aiding and abetting a child abuse ring. Ascertain if local law enforcement capable of carrying out their duties.
Team Members: Steve, Bucky, Clint, Sam, Peter, Scott, Maria, Wanda, Kathy Langford (Ma) Responsibilities: To be determined.
Location of suspects: Unknown
Date of Mission: Unknown
"I should be on the mission," said Jade. "I'm the one who called for it."
"No,"replied Steve. "You're too close to it emotionally and you would put yourself and everyone on the team at risk. You stay here with Ben and Bruce. Your mother and Wanda will do all the telepathic work on this."
Jade sat back in a huff, crossing her arms in front of her. Her fury was evident and she made no attempt to hide it. As suggestions of approaches were made she voiced sounds of disgust and rolled her eyes. Steve finally had enough and asked her to leave. Glaring at him she stormed out.
"Just so you know," said Bucky, "she's been having nightmares. She looked into my memories and she's dreaming of when I was turned. She woke up during the night and saw the Winter Soldier in the mirror instead of herself."
"You let her in to those memories?" asked an astonished Wanda. "Why?"
"I didn't let her in exactly," he replied, "she saved them to watch later. We were kind of in the middle of something."
"It enhances the sexual experience,"said Ma, without rancour. "She would do it with her husband. It makes sex more intimate. Bucky, try to convince her to purge them. I'm guessing she hasn't got to the killing part. It will traumatize her."
"I know, and I have," he said with feeling. "I wish she had never saved them. It's affecting her judgement."
"You think her insistence on killing Abraham and possibly her father come from this?" asked Steve.
Bucky nodded and looked down, unable to look anyone in the eye at the moment. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Sam give him a nod and a grim but sympathetic smile. Steve ended the meeting, unsure how they could plan without exposing themselves. Bucky jumped up and went in search of Jade. She was busy saddling Cherry, what she had named the first horse she connected telepathically with.
"You can't go out there by yourself," he said. "It's not safe. Saddle Butch for me and I'll go with you and ride shotgun."
She glared at him and stopped what she was doing with Cherry to saddle Butch, the gelding. While she was doing that Bucky went and picked out a sidearm and a rifle, not wanting to leave anything to chance. He picked out a sidearm for Jade as well. Returning to the garage she was just finishing Butch. He handed her the sidearm and a holster for it which she fastened on, then she finished with Cherry. They led the horses outside and mounted them. Clint came out just before they left, and Bucky told him they wouldn't go too far. They rode for about ten minutes before Jade let up the pace and Bucky could catch up to her.
"Spill," he said. "You've got a big chip on your shoulder right now."
"Why aren't you on my side?" she demanded.
"I am on your side," he said patiently, "but I'm also on the side of letting the people who are not wanting to kill everyone do the job."
He tried to take her hand but she pulled away and for a moment he thought she was going to ride off again. Then she burst into tears and he moved Butch closer to Cherry. He lifted Jade out of the saddle and held her around his waist, rubbing her back, stroking her hair and making soothing noises to her.
"I think you're feeling over-emotional because of the effect of my memories," he said quietly. "I can barely stand to remember them myself and they're breaking through into your sleep. They're scary memories, even for me and I lived them. Please, Jade, purge those memories you stored. Whatever you have to do to get them out of your brain, do it, because it's turning you into someone scary."
"I've been thinking of doing it," she said, looking at him with her red tear-stained eyes. "I thought I could look at them objectively but I'm afraid all the time of what comes next. They really fucked up your brain a lot, didn't they?"
He breathed deeply, kissed her forehead and looked at her again. "Yeah, they scrambled everything in there to turn me into a killer, a stone-cold emotionless killer," he admitted. "It's why I can't kill anymore. If I did, I would be afraid I couldn't stop. What do you have to do to remove them from your memories?"
She swallowed and thought for a moment. "I'll have to get Ma to help and maybe Wanda to monitor me," she said. "It's kind of a process, like washing my face first, then brushing my teeth, then moisturizer and finally sunscreen. It has to go in order, or it doesn't feel right."
"Okay," he breathed deeply. "Can you do it before tonight? The longer those memories are there the more you're going to be affected. The fact you saw the Soldier...that really worried me."
She nodded and he lowered her to the ground so she could remount Cherry. They rode back slowly, side by side to the garage where the horses were kept. After the horses were settled, he went with her to find Ma and Wanda. Ma just held her, stroking her hair. Wanda said they should find a place where they wouldn't be interrupted.
They went to Bucky and Jade's room together. Bucky sat with his back against the headboard while Jade sat between his legs and Ma sat in front of her. Wanda sat in the chair observing.
"Bucky, hold her but don't touch her skin if you can help it," said Ma. "I'm going to hold Jade's hands and link with her. Jade, what imagery do you want to use to get rid of them? Slash and burn, releasing like a balloon?"
"Remember that magic trick where the magician has a piece of paper where he crumbles it up into a ball, squeezes it in his hand, then opens his hand and blows the feathers away?" she asked. "I want to try that. It's not violent but it lets me release them at the end."
Ma took Jade's hands and they meditated for a time. Wanda allowed herself to observe their minds.
"Are you comfortable?" asked Ma. "Do you feel safe with Bucky holding you?"
"Yes, I feel safe," replied Jade.
"Show me the memories, as if they were in a paper bag," said Ma.
Wanda sees a paper bag appear in Jade's mind. It's rather creased and there are some tears in it.
"I can see why the memories have been affecting you," said Ma. "They're harmful, destructive memories that cut through the barriers you put up. They want you to suffer and hurt. Reach out with your hands and start to crush the bag. It's going to be stiff so expect some resistance."
Jade's hands grab the bag and she starts pushing it in on itself, dark spikes come through hurting Jade's hands but Ma tells her they're not real and they can't hurt her. Gradually she works the paper ball down until it's golf ball size. With Ma's instruction Jade encloses it in one hand and squeezes it with all her might. Then she blows into one end, opens her hand and black feathers are there. Together Ma and Jade blow at the feathers. For added measure Wanda adds a wind that blows them completely away in all directions.
"So, they can't find their way back to you," says Wanda.
Ma pulled away from Jade and watched her. "How do you feel?" she asked. "Like I want to cry," she said. "But lighter as well."
"Good," said Ma. "Bucky, if she has a nightmare tonight you call me. I'll come over and we'll do it again. You know yourself those memories want to keep their claws in you. There may be a couple that got out of the bag and are hanging around in Jade's subconscious."
Jade leaned forward and hugged her mother. Then Ma and Wanda stood up and left leaving the couple behind. Jade curled up in Bucky's arms and he bent his head down to hers.
"Do you want me to grab some lunch from the kitchen and bring it here?" he asked.
"Would you?" she asked. "I don't feel like seeing anyone right now."
"Sure," he said. "I'll go right now. Back in ten minutes."
He kissed her and left her on the bed. When the door was closed Jade got up off the bed, went to the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. The Winter Soldier looked back at her empty eyed.
"Желание. Ржавый. Семнадцать. Рассвет. Печь. Девять. Добросердечный. Возвращение на Родину. Один. Товарный вагон," said Jade.
"Я жду приказаний," he replied.
"In English, soldier," said Jade. "I have a mission for you."
"What is my mission?" he replied, staring her in the eye.
"You will kill Elder Abraham and John Langford, when they are together," she replied. "Until you see them you will observe only and not be noticed. When you are finished your mission, you will disappear and be free from any more missions. Do you comply?"
"I will comply," he replied. "I will observe, complete my mission, disappear and be free from any more missions."
She looked out the bathroom to see if Bucky had returned. When she looked in the bathroom mirror again it was just her that looked back. Nodding her head, she went back to the bed and curled up as Bucky had left her. He came back with a plate of sandwiches and a couple of canned soft drinks. For the next half hour, they ate and talked softly together. After they finished eating Bucky cleared the plates to the coffee table and sat with Jade again, but this time he played with her hair, stroked her cheek and shoulder. She laid with her head in his lap and played with his hair as he leaned over her. Gradually they began kissing, which led to disrobing, and then to lovemaking. As the sun shining through the window slits moved position, they enjoyed themselves and Bucky saw Jade's gentle nature had returned.
When supper time approached they quickly showered and joined the others out in the common room. Ma and Wanda watched Jade closely and were satisfied they had cleared out all the memories from when Bucky had been turned by HYDRA. Jade helped set the table and during the meal was joking and laughing with all the others. Bucky, seated next to her, smiled, happy that the darkness that had seemed to slowly descend on her for a few days was gone. In the corner of the common room the radio suddenly crackled to life.
"Emergency call to Avengers, emergency call to Avengers," said the voice. Steve jumped up and clicked the send button.
"Avengers here," he replied. "State your emergency."
"Hi, it's Apache Outfitters," said the voice. "We've had an Other encounter. Two of our employees were attacked while taking some of our horses to another pasture. One has been hurt really bad; we're driving him to Albuquerque as we speak. Can we get some assistance in sending out a party to destroy the nest?"
"Acknowledged," said Steve. "ETA 10 minutes. Avengers out."
He turned to everyone. "Volunteers? Pilot, co-pilot, and three people. I'm going."
Bucky stood up as did Clint as pilots and headed out to the quinjet. Peter and Sam stood up as well and ran to get their gear on. Maria, Scott, and Wanda looked at each other.
"Rock, paper, scissors," said Scott, quickly. "Winner goes."
They each went through the process with him as the winner. He ran to get his gear on and both Maria and Wanda slumped back defeated. Everyone stood outside and watched as the quinjet took off. They had just sat down when they heard the sound of a helicopter. Maria stepped outside to take a look and the sound of gunshots rang out.
"We're under attack!" she yelled as she ran back inside. Ben and Ma went to an interior room while everyone else picked up a gun from the armoury. Wanda stood concentrating then her eyes opened wide.
"It's the cult!" she yelled. "They want Jade."
Suddenly she started screaming, holding her head. Jade ran to her, but the others started doing the same thing. Then she heard a voice in her mind.
"Jade, daughter," said the voice that she recognized as her father. "Come with me willingly and I will let your friends live."
"Dad, don't do this," she implored. "They won't let you get away with this."
"They won't know where to find me," he replied. "Now, come outside and get in the helicopter."
Slowly, she put the gun down and looked at the agony her friends were in. Then she went to the door and opened it to the outside where a helicopter had just touched down. A tall white haired man stepped out and for the first time since she was six years old Jade saw her father. He put his hand out to her and she went to him, ducking her head under the blades. Helping her onto the aircraft he stepped in after her, slid the door shut and it rose into the air.
Within a minute the pain that was felt by the others ceased and they ran outside to see where the helicopter was, but it was already out of sight. Wanda concentrated and sent a thought message to Steve.
"The cult attacked us," she said. "They took Jade in a helicopter while they disabled us with a mind attack. I don't know where she is."
"Shit!" he replied. "That's too much of a coincidence. There's evidence of an attack here but it could have been faked to draw us out. We're on our way back."
Steve stopped everyone and announced there had been an attack at the Bunker with Jade being taken. Bucky immediately went to the owner of the outfitters and raised him up single handed into the air by his shirt.
"You set us up!" he snarled. "They've taken one of our own because of you."
"They threatened us," the owner whimpered. "Those guys were scary, showed us things in our heads that they said they could make permanent. They threatened to kill my son! I'm sorry."
Bucky dropped him and looked at Steve. "Albuquerque," he said. "They have to be there."
Steve nodded. "We're going back to the Bunker first, get everyone else and weapons," he said. "I want to know how they got past two telepaths and a witch. Bucky, we'll get her back."
The team loaded back up on the quinjet while Sam flew on ahead. By the time they got there the others were already outside.
"It was John," said Ma. "He's become very powerful since he left her in the Badlands. There's something else. I don't think Elder Abraham is in charge anymore. I think John is. Even as Ben and I were screaming I was able to look into him. He was calling the shots."
"Did she put up a fight?" asked Bucky, impatient to be on their way.
"No, she went willingly," said Ma. "Bucky, he's in her. Him... you know who I mean."
"NO," he said emphatically. "She purged everything."
"Does I will comply mean anything to you?" she asked.
Both Bucky and Steve snapped their head to her. "That was in her mind?" asked Steve. "Bucky, she's activated him. She means to kill Abraham and maybe her father."
"Maybe we should let her," Bucky muttered, then shook his head. "We need to deactivate her. Since you were gone, we found out the Soldier had a kill switch, the word Sputnik. It resets him to pre-command status."
"Alright, get more arms, everyone goes," Steve ordered. "Even Bruce and Ben, but you better stay in the quinjet."
Ben nodded. Within minutes everyone brought out as much as they could carry. They handed out comms devices to everyone and Sam took off. Loading everyone in took a moment as there weren't enough seats but Peter webbed some hammocks and put himself into one. Ben took another.
"ETA 20 minutes," said Clint as he took off. "Do all your weapons checks now. We won't have time when we get there."
"Ma, Wanda," said Steve, "can you track her or the Soldier?"
The women held hands and tried to track Jade first but had no luck. Then Wanda touched Bucky's mind and asked for an impression of the Soldier. He allowed her into his memories, and she found it, then left his mind and rejoined Ma. Together they concentrated on locating the Soldier's essence.
"Found him," said Wanda. "Clint, I'm going to give you a location in your mind. That's where he is right now."
Like a heads-up display Clint saw the location as if they were in front of him and began flying the aircraft towards it. When they arrived at the location just as the sun was setting, they saw it was a huge compound with a helipad, the helicopter sitting there.
"Disable it, so they can't take off," said Steve.
As soon as he stepped out of the quinjet Bucky took aim with his rifle and broke one of the rotors. Suddenly they came under fire as members of the Children of Adam started defending themselves against the intruders. As Bucky and Steve returned fire the rest of the team exited the aircraft. Ma came out holding a rifle and Steve told her to stay with Ben.
"That's my daughter in there," she said, standing her ground. "I'm not going to let John hurt her. Ben will be fine. Ben! Stay here! Don't you dare leave this jet!"
She glared at the boy until he backed up and put himself back inside the jet. Bucky pressed a button that locked him in and grabbed Ma's hand.
"You find that ex-husband of yours," he said. "Stay behind me and do everything I tell you. Understood?"
She smiled and nodded to him. As he moved so did she. They came under fire again and had to take cover. Closing her eyes she sought out John Langford, her former husband. As powerful as he was to keep hidden his overconfidence was overwhelming and she soon had a location. A room on the third floor in the middle of the compound. It was going to take some time to get there. Bucky smiled at her.
"Are you afraid of heights?" he asked.
Puzzled she shook her head no. Grabbing her by the waist he told her to hold on and he jumped up to the second story, helping her climb over a balcony.
"That was fun," she said, smiling at him. "Can we do it again?"
"The third-floor balcony faces the other way," he said, briefly looking in the room that led out into the balcony. "It's empty. Let's go in here and consider our options."
—-
Jade followed behind her father; her arms held by two men. They had arrived at the compound and when she saw the wealth on display inside the building she was disgusted. Everything was of the highest quality, rich carpets, expensive chandeliers, nothing was of lower quality.
"You living the high life off of other peoples money, Dad?" she sneered.
He whirled around and slapped her face. "You don't ever talk to me like that again, little girl," he spat at her. "You've been more trouble than you were ever worth. But your look and abilities fit right into my plan."
"Your plan?" she answered back. "Not Elder Abraham? I thought he was the one with control over you."
He stopped, looked at her and started to laugh. "That's what I wanted your mother to believe," he said. "She bought it, hook, line and sinker. Elder Abraham was a means to an end. Would you like to see him? I'm sure he would love to see you, his little play toy."
He put his hand on her face when he said the last part and she pulled her head away. Gesturing to the two men holding her he went up the stairs to the second floor then up another floor to an enclosed suite. Opening the double doors into what looked like an attempt to recreate a throne room he walked in front of her talking, blocking her view.
"This is the suite for our leader,"he explained. "He always said he sat on God's throne so when he died, and we had him mummified that's where we put him."
Stepping aside so she could see, John Langford smirked at his daughter. Jade was horrified to see a mummified old man sitting on a gold coloured throne. His face was calm and serene, as he gazed on those who came to petition him. But it was obvious he was long dead. In her head she heard the soldier.
"I cannot perform my mission,"he said. "John Langford is here but there is no Elder Abraham to kill as he is already dead. Your mission parameters were to kill them together. I am unable to comply."
She tried and tried to reprogram the Soldier but she got the order of the words wrong and he decided to disappear. Then her father turned to her and bent over with his tall, lanky frame so his eyes were at her eye level.
"You thought you were to lay with that decrepit old man?" he said. "No daughter, you are the white-haired mother of greatness, and you are destined to be with the father of greatness. You couldn't be great until you proved your gift. Abraham was supposed to provide the trauma that would ignite your powers, but it wasn't enough. I didn't truly believe when I first left you out in the desert when you were six years old. That's why I told your mother where to find you. But you survived four days in the wilderness. Remarkable feat and proof that you had God's gift upon you. Then just over a month ago you survived three days, while wounded. Truly you have greatness within you. So, the prophecy was rewritten slightly and now you will bear me a white-haired child who will lead the Children of Adam to form a dominion over this wasteland and turn it into a Garden of Eden. The Others will do your bidding and we will use those demons to turn people to worship us."
His words took a moment to sink in. As the horror of what he proposed to do to her sunk in she started swearing at him, calling him a rapist, an incestuous bastard, and plain fucking crazy. He just stood and listened to it with a half-smile on his face. Then he reached into a case on the table and pulled out a jewelled knife.
"Time to remove that implant," he said with no emotion. "Spare yourself some trouble and tell me which arm it's in."
