Chapter 65
Tim was awake early, staring at the ceiling. He had decided it was time to go running at Rock Creek Park, but he was nervous...of course. This was part of getting hold of his life again. Following his routine. Trying to enjoy things that he always enjoyed. It might be easy later. Not right now.
He looked over at Zahara. She was still asleep. He was glad to see it. She needed to be able to sleep without worrying about him. There had been no lingering problems with her pregnancy from the chaos in Egypt, but he knew that it would be better to give her the relaxation that she definitely deserved and needed.
Carefully, he slid out of bed and went into the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and noted that he really looked just fine. A person who didn't know him would never realize how much difficulty he was still having with trying to live as normal a life as possible. He touched the khamsa necklace and then finished getting ready and left the bathroom. Zahara was still asleep. Quickly, Tim wrote a note saying he was running. She would know that, but for now, he was trying to make sure there was no cause for worry. Then, he quietly left the room. Marra was outside of Salma's bedroom but she was still upstairs. This was the current compromise. They were slowly weaning Salma off of needing someone in her bedroom with her. For now, they were telling her that Marra could sleep out in the hallway but not in her room. It was working. The psychologist felt that things were progressing well and that they just needed to keep it up.
"Marra, are you ready to go running?" Tim whispered.
Instantly, Marra was on her feet, wagging her tail in excitement.
"Sh. You need to stay quiet. We don't want to wake anyone up. Go get your leash."
Marra was off down the stairs as Tim followed along more slowly. Marra met him at the bottom of the stairs with her leash. Tim smiled and clipped it on her and then they went out and got into the car. Tim drove to Rock Creek and then stopped. This was always the hardest thing for him to do. But he needed to. Marra whuffled at him from the back seat and then licked his ear.
"Yuck!" Tim said, wiping at his ear. "Don't do that, Marra! I'm getting out. I promise."
He opened the door and then let Marra out. She jumped around excitedly, knowing what was coming.
"You ready?"
Tim looked up and smiled at Norris.
"Yes. Mostly."
"You can set the pace."
Tim nodded and they started running. He was a little nervous, but with Marra on one side and Norris' calm presence on the other, he started to relax into the run, focusing more on the route than on whether or not someone was watching him. By the time they were approaching Tim's car, he was almost feeling normal and he could smile when he saw Levi sitting on a bench, waiting for him.
"Back out here for the future?" Norris asked.
"Yeah. Thanks."
"No problem. See you tomorrow."
Tim nodded and then walked over to his car, got some water for Marra and himself and then walked over and sat down by Levi.
"Sorry it took me longer to get out here," Tim said. "I had to make some decisions."
Levi smiled. "It's not as though I was sitting out here the whole time waiting for you."
"How did you know I'd be out here today?"
"Your wife called, although I was almost late. You snuck out before she was awake and she called me only a few minutes ago."
Tim actually laughed. "Well, if I had known that was her plan, I wouldn't have been so quiet when I got up."
Levi laughed for a moment as well and then got serious. "How are you?"
Tim thought about how to answer. He'd told a lot of people his decision already and it felt repetitive, but given Levi's determination to keep Tim from turning into him, it was probably right to let Levi know as well.
"I'm not going to be you."
Levi's smile changed. "Good."
"I'm not there yet, but I made the decision."
"That's the most important thing. By making the decision, you've done most of what you need to do. Everything else is just sticking with it. Making that particular decision is important."
"Maybe. I just wish it could be over."
"There's still a possibility that it will be," Levi said. "But I wouldn't depend on it."
"I'm not."
"Good. I hope Bri's arrival wasn't too much of a wrench."
"No." Tim looked at Levi directly. "I don't forgive her. She wants that, but her apology left something to be desired."
Levi met his gaze evenly. "You don't have to. She's just starting to make an effort and it's hard for her to do it, but whether you can forgive her or not, in the long run, it will be better for her to try. I don't blame you for not wanting to help her out, but she may try again."
"I may let her," Tim said, promising nothing.
"What let you make the decision?"
Tim sighed a little and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. Marra came over and licked at his face. He sat up and pet her.
"I realized that my perfect life isn't one that's completely safe. It's one that has my family in it. The only way I can keep myself safe is if I only have to worry about myself. Eventually, I'd lose everyone. I hate that it's true, but it is."
"Don't waste time hating it. If you do, you'll start looking for ways to demonstrate that it's wrong. Just accept it and move on."
"I'm not that far yet," Tim said. "Thank you...for being on the other end of the line when I needed that connection."
"You're welcome."
Then, Tim smiled a little. "...and for dealing with Gibbs moving in."
Levi chuckled. "It could have been worse."
"It probably could have been better, too."
"Definitely, but Tamara allowed it."
The two of them settled into a brief silence. Then, Tim looked at Levi again.
"Do you ever regret that I saved you?" he asked.
Levi looked at him with a raised eyebrow (a perfect eyebrow raise, Tim thought to himself, no surprise that Levi had mastered it).
"No," Levi said after a moment. "I regret that there's not enough time to fix things...but then, there things that I can't fix anyway. I just have to hope that I can do enough."
"What's enough?" Tim asked.
"Enough for forgiveness. I may have spent a lot of my life ignoring God, but I always believed He was there. Now, I'm trying to make amends."
"It's enough."
Levi smiled in a different way. "I'm not Ray Cruz, Tim. I'm not believing I have to die. I simply am aware of all that I've done in my life. Perhaps it's a bit disingenuous to do all those things and only change when I decide I'm finished, but I've never claimed to be perfect."
"It's still enough," Tim said earnestly.
The eyebrow went up again.
"You don't get to speak for God," Levi said sternly. "You don't even get to speak for me, and whatever you think is enough doesn't necessarily correlate to what I think. Whatever time I have left will be spent making amends and fixing what I can fix. And when my time runs out, I will just have to hope it's enough."
"Is that what you really want?" Tim asked.
"Yes," Levi said easily. "While I will confess to enjoying my ability to needle people, to make them unsettled, I still spent a long time interacting with people I loathed, doing things I hated doing because I felt it was necessary. Now, I have the chance to do things that I believe are necessary but they're good things. My life is infinitely better than it was. I just wish I could do it while being in perfect health."
Tim could see that Levi wasn't going to give in and he could admit to himself that it wasn't really his choice. It was Levi's life to live how he saw fit to live it.
"Sometimes, Tim, you have to compromise because you can't have everything you want. It's more normal than you might want to believe. People compromise all the time in the face of reality. The ones who don't either manage to reshape reality to fit what they want or, more often, they're crushed by the weight of a reality they can't change. Compromise is a better option."
Tim sighed and nodded. Levi patted him on the shoulder.
"You'll get there. If you keep trying, you'll get there and see that I'm right." He stood up. Slowly, yes, but not with much overt weakness. "Now, I need to get home and so do you. You're back out here?"
"Yeah."
"Then, I'll see you later."
Tim nodded and watched as Levi walked slowly away to get his taxi. If anyone had told him that he would be looking to Levi Carew as a source of advice and even friendship, he would have thought... no, he would have known that was insane. It made no sense.
...and yet, that was reality.
Marra nudged at his face and grumbled at him. He smiled.
"Yeah, I know. Time to go home. You ready for breakfast?"
Marra jumped around and tugged on his shorts.
"I'm coming. I'm coming."
They got in the car and Tim went home so that he could get ready for work.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
"Mr. and Mrs. DiNozzo, you can come on back," the nurse said.
Ziva wasn't used to being a DiNozzo. She didn't mind it. Tony had said she could keep her last name if she wanted to, but she wanted more to have that united front. They weren't just two people living together, they were a couple. Refocusing, she stood up and walked back to the ultrasound room. Dr. Layher, their obstetrician helped Ziva get into position for the ultrasound and Tony sat on a chair beside the table. With her abdomen exposed, the bump was even more obvious.
Tony took a breath and let it out quickly. Ziva looked at him and he got a sheepish expression on his face.
"I'm nervous," he said. "Never done this before."
"Nor have I," Ziva said.
"I have. Lots of times," Dr. Layher said, smiling. "Just relax. You don't have to do anything else but lay there."
Ziva nodded and tried to relax. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but it was tolerable.
"Okay. Here we go."
Dr. Layher moved the wand around.
"Oh, there we are. I've got a nice strong heartbeat."
Ziva felt herself smiling. "Really?"
"Yes. That's exactly what we..." Dr. Layher stopped talking and moved the wand around a little more. Her eyes widened slightly. "Oh."
"What?" Tony asked, leaning forward anxiously. "Is something wrong?"
Dr. Layher smiled. "That depends on your point of view."
"What is it?" Ziva asked.
"There's another strong heartbeat."
For a moment Ziva genuinely didn't understand what Dr. Layher meant. Surely, their baby's heart would continue beating whether they were listening to it or not. So multiple beats would be expected. She almost opened her mouth to say so, but Tony's expression was shocked.
"More than one?" he asked.
"Yes," Dr. Layher said.
More than one. Suddenly, it dawned on Ziva what that meant and why Dr. Layher had felt it necessary to say it, and while a part of her was just as shocked as Tony, she was glad that she hadn't embarassed herself by asking what the big deal was.
"Twins," she said softly.
"Yes. Exactly."
"Are you sure?" Tony asked.
"I'm very sure. The heartbeats are very clear. In a few more weeks, it will be easy for you to hear them," Dr. Layher said. "Other than an extra baby in there, everything looks normal. And I'm seeing two placentas."
"What does that mean?" Ziva asked.
"That means that your babies each have an independent source of blood. Sometimes, twins share a single placenta and that can lead to complications for one or both babies because they're sharing the blood supply. Overall, this is better."
"Oh."
Ziva looked up at the ceiling. She had just been adjusting to the idea that she was going to have a baby at all...and now, there were two? She looked at Tony. He seemed shell-shocked. As Dr. Layher put the ultrasound equipment away, they looked at each other, clearly both unsure about this news.
"Okay, so do you have any questions?" Dr. Layher asked.
Tony laughed weakly. "I... I don't even... know... what to ask."
"I can see that this is a surprise to both of you."
"Putting it mildly," Tony said.
"No history of twins in your families?"
"Not that I am aware of," Ziva said. "Dr. Layher, Tony and I... we had not planned on having children at all, and definitely not so soon after our marriage. To know that... that there are two..."
Dr. Layher smiled sympathetically. "Not exactly what you were thinking could happen?"
"Not at all."
"Well, you have time to adjust to it, but I don't blame you if you have to take that time."
"But we weren't having fertility treatments or anything," Tony said. "How could we just randomly have twins?"
"Just like anyone did as long as there have been human beings," Dr. Layher said. "But I will say that age is a contributing factor."
"What do you mean?" Ziva asked. "I'm not very young."
"Exactly. Fraternal twins, which it's likely you are carrying, are more common in women who are pregnant after age 35. Your body is more likely to release multiple eggs. Now, from a medical standpoint, a few things change when you are expecting twins."
"Like what?" Tony asked.
"As you might guess, Ziva will end up carrying a lot more weight with two than she would with one."
Ziva groaned a little at that and Dr. Layher chuckled a little at her reaction.
"In fact, that's part of the reason why you're already showing. I was a little surprised that it was so early, but it happens. But more than that, while most twins are born with no problems, the potential for problems is higher so we keep a closer eye on their development. You'll be having more ultrasounds than you would have with a single baby. You'll have more medical checkups to keep tabs on your health and the babies' health. In fact, once you're dressed, we can talk more about all this and get a schedule set up. All right?"
Ziva nodded and then looked at Tony after Dr. Layher left.
"If there's a god up there, I think he's got a twisted sense of humor," Tony said, smiling weakly.
"I would never have guessed," Ziva said.
"No. Me neither."
"What are we going to say?"
"That you're pregnant only you've got two instead of one. Everyone will be excited," Tony said.
"Are we?"
"Terrified is more what I'm feeling at this moment," Tony said.
Ziva didn't want to admit to it, but she nodded. "Yes."
"You too?"
"Yes."
"Well, we were prepared to have one. I guess we'll just have to double everything," Tony said, taking a breath and clearly putting himself into positive mode. "...and look at a house that's a little bit bigger."
Ziva laughed...but only briefly. Tony sat down by her.
"We can do it. We convinced ourselves that we could do it once. We can do it twice."
"What now?"
"You put your pants on and we head over to Dr. Layher's office," Tony said, grinning.
Ziva rolled her eyes and hit him on the arm.
"Really, Ziva. If we could handle having one kid. We can handle having two. We'll just have to talk about things but that's going to be something that'll take time to hash out. So let's get the medical stuff out of the way. That's at least normal...ish."
Ziva nodded and after she had dressed, she and Tony went to the office.
She could only imagine everyone's reaction to the news.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Everyone gathered at Gibbs' place for the little party. If the others realized that this was about making announcements, they weren't admitting it. Ostensibly, this was celebrating Tim's recovery, and Tony could say that Tim did seem to be finally taking steps forward that he hadn't taken in the last three years. It was good to see. If he wasn't quite there yet, at least he was making progress.
Ziva was very self-conscious about her baby bump. Tony still thought it was barely noticeable, but he could admit that it might feel very different even if it didn't look that different. After a few months, when she was genuinely getting larger, Tony could see her getting very irritated at how her body was changing. The morning sickness had eased off in the week since the ultrasound, although she still felt more nausea than she wanted.
For the moment, though, he was trying to focus on just tonight. A meal and a big announcement or two. Celebrations.
We can be happy about this. ...as soon as we're done being shocked, Tony thought to himself.
Everyone enjoyed the meal, even Ziva. Zahara didn't seem to have any issues at all, either. Of course, Tony had noticed that, even after all her years in the U.S., Zahara didn't like drawing attention to herself in most cases, not even among friends. She liked being part of the group.
After dinner and before dessert, Tony caught Tim's eye. He grimaced a little and then smiled and nodded. That reticence to celebrate good things would hopefully ebb as Tim's recovery continued. Tony didn't like that Tim was afraid to celebrate because of what it could lead to.
But it looked like it was up to him to get things started. He squeezed Ziva's hand and she took a breath and then nodded.
"Okay, everyone," Tony said, standing up. "Tim and I had an ulterior motive in getting you all together tonight."
"You're planning to run away to Europe together?" Abby asked, jokingly.
Tony saw Ahmed raise an eyebrow at that although he said nothing. He had said almost nothing in all the time Tony had known him. And Tony knew his experience with the U.S. had not been extensive and he was still recovering, but rather than give him any reason to start questioning his brother-in-law, Tony just laughed.
"No way. It's just a coincidence. Tim, you should go first." Because of the nature of Ziva's pregnancy, Tony knew that Tim and Zahara would momentarily be forgotten if Tony made the first announcement.
"Oh... um... okay." Tim stood up and looked down at Zahara who smiled encouragingly. "Well, Zahara and I are expecting our third."
Abby screamed delightedly and ran over to Zahara.
"Oh, that's great! Congratulations! Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet? When is it due?"
Zahara blushed a little bit, but she was well used to Abby after all this time.
"Not yet. We will be having the ultrasound in a few weeks."
"Do you want a boy or a girl?" Abby asked. "You've already got one of each."
"I want a healthy baby," Zahara said. "That will be enough."
"Good answer," Ducky said. "Congratulations to both of you!"
Everyone joined in and then Abby remembered that there were two announcements.
"Okay, Tony. What's yours?" she asked after everyone calmed down.
Ziva stood up suddenly.
"I'm also pregnant," she said. "With twins."
There was a moment of shocked silence. Tony knew that no one had really expected them to have kids, but then, of course, Abby squealed excitedly and ran over to Ziva, hugging her and shaking her and congratulating her by turns.
"Abby, you're going to give the babies their first concussion and they're not even born yet," Tony said. "Calm down."
"Wow. That is so amazing! I mean... not just a baby but two babies! Wow!"
Then, she spun around to look at Jimmy and Breena.
"Are you guys pregnant too?" she demanded.
"Not as far as I know," Jimmy said. "Two is enough for now."
"Definitely," Breena said. "But I still have all of my baby clothes. Ziva, you'll have to come over sometime and look through them. I'd be happy to help you out with building up a wardrobe. That can be expensive."
"Oh, buying baby clothes. I love doing that," Abby said. "They're so cute."
"I don't know what it is about making things small," Jimmy said. "A sock isn't cute...except when it fits a newborn."
Everyone laughed and conversations started up again, now all focused on the big news. Tim walked over in a spare moment.
"Twins, huh?" he asked in a low voice.
"Yeah. Just found out at the ultrasound," Tony said.
"Scared?"
"Yeah."
Tim actually smiled a little mischievously. "Glad it's not me."
"Ha. You already have two."
"True. Seriously, though. I'll help if I can."
"I'll need it. Really. We both will."
"You can do it."
Tony looked at Zahara, now talking animatedly with Breena and Ziva. Then, he looked at Ahmed, so quietly sitting in the background, not really participating but being there. Tim followed his gaze
"Ahmed is staying with us...for now."
"And long-term?" Tony asked.
"Don't know. He won't be with us long-term, but he's admitted that he doesn't think he can go back to Egypt for now. He's going to be working remotely for the same company in Egypt and we'll probably have to revisit it all again in a year or two. But for now, he's here."
"You like that?"
"I don't know. It's easier. I don't know if it's better or not. Zahara is glad he's staying for now."
"Of course. He's her brother."
Tim nodded.
"You know what, Tim?"
"What?"
"You'll make it, too. And we'll all help you. Ziva and I aren't alone in what scares us. You're not alone in what scares you."
Tim smiled. "Thanks."
"Anytime."
