Chapter 21
Steph
A buzzing sound filled my head as the world seemed to tip sideways, darkening around the edges, and suddenly Carlos's hands wrapped around my biceps, gently guiding me down into the patio chair behind me as an inky blackness lurked at the corners of my vision. I felt like I was going to faint, like my whole life had been tipped on its head and I was struggling to acclimate. I sought Carlos's worried gaze out as his hand moved to the back of my head.
Now is not the time to try to kiss me, I thought deliriously as he increased the pressure of that hand, pulling me towards him, but then the direction continued to arch downwards and I registered the words he was saying: "Breathe, Babe. Deep breaths, come on." And I realised I must have been holding my breath, or hyperventilating. I'm not surprised, given the implications of the question he'd just asked me.
Are we dating?
I had thought we were, but we'd never really talked about it. I figured since Carlos was a man of few words anyway, that he was letting his actions speak for themselves, and his actions were saying… Well, he hadn't kissed me, or tried to initiate anything more intimate than a hug, so maybe I'd been way off base in my assessment of our relationship. I'd thought we were dating because I was pretty sure I was in love with him, and the way he looked at me made me think that he loved me too. Not to mention the fact that we spent so much time together doing couple-y things. And he called me Babe.
I sucked in some air, trying to calm the anxiety building in my stomach. I was such an idiot! And oh, God! I'd blatantly told Elena all about how Carlos and I were dating, all the dates we'd been on, how supportive her brother was, how much he meant to me. Jesus Christ. Remind me not to drink around the Manosos. I knew I had loose lips when I drank, but that, in conjunction with their innate abilities to ask just the right questions to get to the core of a subject and I was singing like a canary. Probably, Elena had gone home cackling at how stupid and naive I was to think I was dating her brother. He clearly wasn't the relationship type. Lester, Bobby and Tank had been intrigued by the developments between Carlos and I, viewing them as curiosities everytime he did something in front of them that hinted toward something deeper than an boss-employee relationship. They'd never outright asked if we were dating though, probably all too aware of the limitations of Carlos's social tendencies. I mean, the man couldn't even manage to figure out that I wasn't dating Marco … for a… whole… year.
My thoughts slowed with realisation, allowing my breaths to even out, oxygen finally making it back to my brain cells so that they could turn off the red, flashing warning lights. Slowly, I leaned back into the hand Carlos was using to press my head between my legs, and he let me up, concerned eyes skimming over every inch of my face as I did the same to his.
"Are you okay?" he asked, sitting back on his heels where he knelt before me, but keeping his hands on the arms of the chair, ready to launch into action if I were to reply in the negative and indicate that I needed some kind of assistance.
See, this was the kind of thing that could be considered a caring and loving gesture, I thought to myself. Lester wouldn't be poised for another round of my anxiety attack, he would be swinging himself up into the chair beside me, telling a joke or making some comment to distract me from whatever was freaking me out, maybe even telling me I was being dramatic and mocking me. Bobby would likely hover, but he wouldn't keep such close quarters. He'd be asking questions to try to get to the route of the problem so it could be mitigated, and be sure that medical intervention wasn't needed. Carlos just wanted to know that I was all right.
"Better," I assured him, nodding as I shifted into a more comfortable position in the chair, being sure to hold his gaze the whole time. "I didn't mean to freak out," I added. "Your question just caught me off guard. Apparently you're not the only one who misinterpreted some social cues."
To my surprise, the corners of his mouth spread in a full on grin as he retracted his hands from the chair, running one through his hair while he eyed me ruefully. "Imagine my surprise when I was asking Elena's opinion on my idea for our first date once I asked you out, only to learn that we'd apparently been dating for three months already."
"I don't know," I countered, tipping my head side to side like I was weighing the facts even as a warm, fuzzy feeling suffused my being. He was asking Elena's opinion on asking me out? My heart was doing a little happy dance at the confirmation that even though he hadn't thought we were dating previously, he obviously wasn't opposed to the idea. "While I admit that the apology dinner when I first started working at Rangeman did come across as date-y, I would have considered the first time you invited me to your apartment for dinner as our first date."
"How long does that make it, then?" he asked, eyes boring into mine now. "How long have we been dating?"
I screwed up my nose, sinking a little further back into the chair and attempting to avert my gaze. The flutter of my heart, the warmth pooling in my belly, were at odds with the tension seizing my chest, causing me to think harder about the whole situation than when I'd been hyperventilating just a few short moments ago. If this keeps up, I'd have to rethink the offer Marco had made to sneak into Papa's liquor cabinet and sneak me some of the good stuff.
"No," I said firmly, having come to a conclusion.
His face fell, the smile disappearing so fast, replaced by the blank face he so often wore at work, that it's possible the joyous expression had just been a fantasy I'd imposed on his features. "No?" he questioned. His fists tightened where they rested against his thighs, and tension wound his shoulders tight so that they rose toward his ears just a fraction of an inch. They were subtle signs that he was not okay with what he'd heard, but given how reticent he was verbally, I'd learned to watch for the physical cues to figure out his emotions. "What do you mean 'no'?"
Brow furrowing, I shook my head, huffing out a breath as that one stubborn curl fell into my face. "I mean we weren't dating," I said, and seeing that my words only made his reaction worse, I tried to find the right combination to explain my thinking. "I mean-" I sucked in a deep breath, finally able to break eye contact and glance past him to the early spring flowers that had begun to pop up in the garden beds around the edges of the yard, finding a small store of courage to draw from now that I wasn't trapped in his gaze. "I mean that dating implies that we were both in agreement. It implies an intimate relationship. We can't be dating if one half of the relationship doesn't realise it."
Not to mention the fact that we haven't even kissed once in six weeks. That's not intimate, I added silently, returning my gaze to his and watching the amusement lighten his sombre expression, quickly giving way to a burst of laughter similar to the one he'd let out when I'd compared him to Rex earlier. "What?" I asked, thoroughly confused by his reaction.
"Babe," he said, rising off his heels and cupping my face in both of his hands, tucking the curl away before settling in place, his thumbs stroking gently over my cheeks. "If we both agree that as of this moment, right now, we are dating, I would love to kiss you with everything I've felt for you since the moment I laid eyes on you, but it feels a little awkward with my whole family pressing their noses to the glass to watch us."
"Kiss her anyway!" Lester's muffled voice called as I snapped my head around to find the whole Manoso-Santos clan gathered at the glass patio doors (which I noted someone had cracked open, since Carlos had made a point of closing it behind us when we exited), watching us with varying expressions of rapture, delight and amusement. I wasn't even aware of when Lester and Bobby had arrived, since they hadn't been in the house when Carlos had asked to talk to me outside.
As suddenly as I looked, I turned my attention back to Carlos. My eyes must have been as wide as dinner plates, my mouth popping open on an "Oh," as my cheeks heated, no doubt turning a deep red colour. "Um, I agree," I assured him. "On both points. I love you, and I'd like to start dating from right now, but I don't want our first kiss to be a spectator sport."
The distinct sound of the blinds being drawn carried over to us then, accompanied by a chorus of groans, and Mama's voice calling out over top, "You heard Stephanie! She wants to have her first kiss with my Carlito, and she doesn't want -
"Robert Brown, get your hands away from those blinds! You will not spy on them!" Liliana's harsh voice cut across her sister-in-law's commands.
I caught the swish of the blinds falling back into place as Bobby was caught red handed and, I imagined, led away by the ear and couldn't help the snort that escaped me. "I don't think I've ever heard Tia Lili speak to Bobby like that," I said, glancing at Carlos to find him also smiling with amusement.
"That's because you've knocked him off the pedestal," he said, getting to his feet and offering me a hand. I took it, allowing him to help me to my feet, utterly delighted when he then proceeded to adjust his grip on my right hand, keeping it tucked within his grasp as he led me to the edge of the patio and across the grass to the greenhouse that stood in the back corner of the garden.
"The pedestal?" I questioned as he opened the door and tugged me inside, all the way to the far end of the structure where I knew it was difficult to see even when you were standing directly outside the door.
"Bobby's been practically untouchable since he and Lester became an item and he joined the family," Carlos explained. He cleared a few pots and tools off the short bench that occupied the space at the end of the greenhouse and sat down, pulling me onto his lap so that I was straddling him. A zing sped from my core all the way up my spine to tingle at the base of my neck where I usually got a prickle of awareness that he was near. How I could have thought that the tiny gestures he'd shown on a daily basis had meant we were dating, I wasn't sure, because aside from the night he'd taken me to Caliente and danced so close to me I didn't know where I ended and he began, he'd wasn't the one to initiate even casual touch. I'd always been the one to slip my hand into his, to give him a hug as we parted ways, to lean into his side when we sat next to each other on the couch.
I hadn't known what I was missing then, but there was no way I would mistake it now. Carlos's powerful thighs spread mine wide so that our most intimate areas were poised to rub against each other if only one of us shifted a little closer. And shift closer he did, brushing his lips along my jaw, feathering kisses back toward my ear where he paused and whispered in little more than a rumble, "I think Tia Lili has a new favourite." And before I had enough time to comprehend his words, his voice became even lower, vibrating through me as he pulled me even closer until we were touching all the way from crotch to chest. "And so have I."
And then his lips were on mine, pulling all my focus away from the conundrum of Tia Lili's treatment of my friend to the heat now swirling in my belly as my pulse burned through my entire body. I gripped his shoulders to steady myself as one of his hands travelled down my back to squeeze my ass through my jeans and I let out a gasp. He didn't hesitate to seize the opportunity I'd given him, plunging his tongue inside as the brain cells I'd fought so hard to get back online after his question of if we were dating fizzled out, leaving me with nothing more than the sensations of his body pressing against mine, his tongue sweeping over mine, our breaths mingling so that his exhales became my inhales and vice versa. Nothing else in the world mattered.
Hours or days later - I couldn't be sure which - we finally parted enough to drag in desperate lungfuls of air as Carlos's cellphone chimed at his hip. He pulled it off his belt, read the text that had come through and huffed out a noise that was half unimpressed and half amused before turning the screen toward me.
If you and Steph can manage breathing independently of each other, Mama's just announced that dinner is ready.
It was from Elena, and as I sat there astride Carlos's lap, struggling to breathe, I blushed at how accurate her assessment of the situation was. "Can she see us?" I asked, twisting to peer back in the direction of the house. I was suddenly less confident about my assessment of the visibility of our makeout spot, my cheeks heating from more than the desire and exertion of our activities.
"No," Carlos assured me, tucking that one curl behind my ear again and letting his fingers trail over my skin as they fell away from my face. "But she knows me," he added, his lips thinning at the acknowledgement. "This was one of my secret makeout locations when I was younger."
I would have raised a single eyebrow at him if I was at all capable of the action, but instead he got two for the price of one as I sent him a double-browed dubious expression. "Secret?"
He smirked. "Yeah, okay, so I might have gotten the idea from Celia after I caught her with her boyfriend one day. And, in turn, Elena caught me."
The thought of this controlled, moderated man being caught with his metaphorical (or perhaps literal) pants down caused a chuckle to bubble up my throat. "Let me guess," I said. "Fi stumbled upon Elena using the spot one day and started using it, and Marco found her? Was there a time when all four of the Manoso siblings were taking turns making out with their partners in the greenhouse?"
"Not that I know of," he said, planting his hands on my hips and urging me to shuffle back off his lap, straightening to follow me up. "I caught Elena using the spot with her boyfriend a couple weeks later. And during the summers Lester spent a lot of time out here, but I don't know that Fi and Marco ever made use of it. And frankly, I don't care to find out."
"It must get a lot less use now than when you were all growing up," I said, adjusting my blouse and hoping that my lips weren't too obviously puffy. It was bad enough they all knew what we were likely to be doing, they didn't need to see the physical evidence of the effects it had on my body. With that thought, my gaze flitted to Carlos's zipper, somehow seemingly back to normal after having harboured such an insistent hard on rubbing against me just moments ago.
He cocked an eyebrow at me, adjusting the front of his cargoes, but not addressing my wandering eyes. "You never noticed that Celia and Reynaldo invariably disappear for at least twenty minutes every dinner?" he asked, taking my hand and leading me out of the greenhouse. "It still gets used, trust me."
I smirked up at him, squeezing his hand as we left the not-so-secret Manoso sibling make-out spot behind us. "You notice a lot for a man who didn't notice he was in a relationship."
"Hey," he protested, abruptly stepping in front of me, halting our progress as his intense stare bore down on me. "We agreed that we only started dating tonight," he reminded me.
"True," I agreed with a shrug, leaning up to peck his cheek before side stepping him and heading toward the squares of warm yellow light spilling onto the lawn from the kitchen windows. I let a grin spread over my face as I called over my shoulder, "But that doesn't mean we weren't in a relationship."
