Again, that hateful cold. Why did it grip her very being so profoundly? That freezing cold was the first thing she experienced after leaving that maddening chamber. After being devoid of sensations, what should have been a welcomed feeling became parallel to the unrelenting punishment she had suffered.
Coldness meant isolation.
Isolation used to mean something else for Faruzan. As a child, she played alone with puzzles. They could be jigsaws, riddles or mechanisms, but she usually did them on her own. Not because of a lack of friends or because of distance from her parents. Far from it. The type of mental stimulus she received by figuring out an answer on her own was addicting. A language was no different from a puzzle. And there was no greater puzzle than King Deshret's Ancient civilisation. A perfect way to unite her love of languages and her hobbies!
And the only way she managed to have an inkling of sanity left.
Perhaps that's why she was dreaming of solving a seemingly impossible puzzle. Each piece changed every time she looked at it. Dreaming, she thought nothing of it and attached it to the difficulty of the puzzle. It wasn't fun. Or challenging. Just annoying.
And then, the seeping cold appeared. Faruzan stood up from the featureless ground and wandered through the morphless landscape, wondering where she was at. So cold. The full moon above was so cold. Faruzan couldn't do much but sluggishly move through what now seemed like a desert. The reality of the dream shifted every now and then, but the cold didn't. That's why she didn't notice someone trailing her.
A shrouded figure. Warmth impersonated. She tried to communicate, but it became clear they couldn't understand each other. He spoke a few, unknown sentences, and waved at her to approach them. She followed through, but the figure backed away. Again, she tried to approach them, that warmth, yet the figure continued to elude her.
The cat-and-mouse game didn't last too long. At some point, the figure entered a temple. Faruzan paused, but beckoned by the warmth of the figure, she reluctantly entered the brooding, desert temple.
The temple. It was dark. Dark and cold.
Faruzan talked out loud, trying to find the warm figure. Someone answered behind her. She turned just in time to see the figure kicking her to the ground. And then, looking down on her, it somehow closed down the temple.
Immediately Faruzan panicked. She managed to yell out for help once before hyperventilating and trying to punch her way out of the dark temple. Everything was so cold, she couldn't do so for much longer. She hugged her arms, closed her eyes, and prayed for help as the temple closed down on her. Again trapped. Again isolated. Again alone.
A flash of light.
Sunlight seeped through her eyelids, prompting her to wake up. Drenched in sweat and shivering in cold, it took a few long-winded breaths for Faruzan to realise that she was awake. Awake, and not cold at all.
Above, the palm tree's evergreen leaves slowly wobbled with the wind. She had been resting on its shade, on top of the bedroll she first awoke in. But she couldn't see her Pupil. After a moment of panic, the possibility of hallucinating quickly faded away as Faruzan noticed the oasis. It was small, not much bigger than a pond and very shallow, with greenery and taller palm trees around it. On its shore, a lone figure sat down next to it.
Gathering her wits, Faruzan stood up and ambled towards her Pupil. He was a healthy distance away from the water and seemed to be content merely watching the buzzing dragonflies on its surface.
"I told you to not let me go." She said, looking down at his hat.
The Wanderer barely reacted, more upset about the insect flying away rather than her sudden appearance. "You expect me to hold you at all times like an infant?"
The answer was obvious for Faruzan. "Yes. I am sick. And you're my Pupil, you're supposed to do menial tasks for me… Like not letting me go." Faruzan didn't wait for his answer and sat down next to him. Like always, he seemed completely disinterested in her words. "Was that really true? What you said about your childhood."
"You have to bring it up? Yes." He turned his head towards her, clearly annoyed. "And if you recall, I do not want to speak about myself."
"I won't pry but… I am quite good at resolving problems."
"Congratulations."
She was getting nowhere. "But I want—"
"We're repeating conversations. I don't want to be repaid in any way and I don't want to speak about myself. Got that? You're ruining my mediation."
"Meditation? You're just watching bugs like a child." Faruzan retorted. Again, no reaction from her dearest Pupil. Instead of getting mad, she merely reminded herself of the situation. "Look, sorry… I'm pretty shaken up, okay? I had a nightmare."
"I know."
"I know? What do you mean I know?"
"Buer returned to the people of Sumeru their dreams." He off-handedly explained, his eyes following a random bug in the distance.
"Really? That's so… Hey, no! You saw me having a nightmare! And you did nothing?"
Unresponsive, Faruzan shook the Wanderer's shoulder. He glanced at Faruzan's scowl. "You already know the answer is yes. As powerful as I am, I can't enter your dreams."
"Well, you could have woken me up!"
"Why would I do that? Facing your fears is the only way to beat them. In fact, you should be thanking me."
His clear lack of tact was probing to be the worst of companies. If he had been deprived of a childhood, then he lacked the necessary emotional maturity to deal with these issues. He never had a role model or somebody to look up to. In that regard, he was no different from an ill-raised child. Faruzan couldn't exactly blame him. That didn't mean she wasn't getting annoyed.
A new piece for the enigma. This child needed some guidance, and clearly, the role of a professor such as herself was to guide and teach.
"Look, nightmares are irrational. You can't just fight them in the dream itself… And that's not facing your fears, it's simply tolerating a problem. Enduring is part of facing difficulty, but not the solution." Faruzan observed the Wanderer's languid expression and decided on the course of action. "I'd say the issue lays in you. It seems you couldn't bear the responsibility of consoling me, and you ran away instead of facing the issue."
The mention of running away twitched his eyebrow, forcing him to turn his head towards his teacher. "If you recall, I told you I would humour your need for talking. But I never said I would talk about anything. So stop talking about these… menial psychology shit. It serves no purpose. Don't try to focus on me when you're the one messed up in the head."
Faruzan flinched and sulked, her drive to correct him evaporating away. "I'm… I'm not messed up in the head."
As she could feel another loop of depressing thoughts looming in her head, she started to thoughtlessly scribble on the sand below. The sand was dry, so the words were messy. With a bit more depth, water sprung up from the oasis. It wasn't something she didn't know but…
"What I mean…" Whether he regretted his words or not, the Wanderer suddenly spoke up after a few minutes of silence. "I mean you shouldn't rely on me, I'm the worst person you could ask help from. Besides, we'll just be together until we reach Sumeru City. If you want counsel, I'm sure some scholar will aid you there."
"I don't mind if you don't give me any advice or anything at all. I just want you to listen to me." She just needed someone who acknowledged her existence. Nothing else. "I'm not a… thing you're transporting. I just want to talk for a while."
Silence.
Slowly losing her nerves, Faruzan shook his shoulder again. "Are you even listening to what I'm saying?"
"I have nothing to add. I'm already doing enough by listening to your non-substantial rambling. Besides, you'll get nothing by relying on me. You have to stand up on your own two feet to regain what you—"
"Well I can't, okay? I can't." Faruzan interjected out of spite. "Standing up on my own is what I've been doing for the last century. I can't continue doing that. If I had the chance, I wouldn't be talking to you of all people. But I don't have anyone else. So if I'm talking to you, it's because I can't. I can't stand up on my own, not anymore."
Though spiritless, the Wanderer sighed and turned towards her, crossing his legs. "Just this once, I'll prop you up. Only once and no more."
Whether it was her clear-cut explanation or the exposing of her real feelings, her words seemed to have worked. Convincing her Pupil was very easy for some things, yet he turned completely obstinate with some others. There was something that clicked on him, an unknown mechanism Faruzan was yet to fully understand.
"Alright… then—"
"No. I'm not going to stand listening to ramblings. I want to know why you froze back there, I want a concise and clear answer. I can't have you be a liability if we are attacked."
Faruzan had little time to gather her thoughts under the intense eyes of her Pupil. She feared that her quick-thinking abilities had deteriorated with time, though they had been honed to their utmost limit.
"When I saw that chamber, it felt like it was the same contraption I was trapped in for years. As if I had never left. I know… And I knew that was not logical at all, but knowing that made me feel more nervous. And since that anxiety felt so real, then maybe my paranoia was right, and everything I had experienced was nothing but another lie. Everything could have been a long illusion, and neither you nor my freedom was ever truly real." Faruzan fidgeted, her fingers returning to scribble on the sand. "It's so stupid, isn't it? I'm stupid. A stupid idiot who got locked into a dumb trap."
Though he didn't answer straight away, this time the Wanderer had his eyes set on her face. This time he had listened. "Being overburdened with emotion makes you irrational, vulnerable and easy to manipulate. When you're at your weakest point, even the most farfetched explanation seems reasonable. I know that feeling. It's a battle against your irrationality. Just like in a real fight, focus on… your breathing and ignore everything but your opponent."
Faruzan wasn't quite swayed by his words, but she appreciated the effort. "What opponent? My irrational fear of tight places? What if I can't enter a building ever again? I'll freeze in fear again, and…"
"Useless thoughts. That chamber is haunting you and the Faruzan who believes that it was her fault. Those are your opponents. Don't fall into the trap of self-deprecation; it will only lead you to believe lies and easy answers that are not so. And even now irrationality is gripping your mind. All your senses have gone haywire, remember? Don't trust your judgement yet. Only trust my word—" He quickly averted her eyes, looking away ashamed. "Disregard that. Don't let me change you or deceive you… This is why I'm telling you to not rely on me. You have to come up with your own answer."
"But you said to not trust my judgement?"
"I mean…" As if fed up with his own thoughts, he stood up from the sandy ground. "Just forget what I said, it doesn't matter. You do your own thing or whatever, stop bothering me. I already listened to your stupidity."
Something had bothered him. But his callous backtracking only left Faruzan feeling like she had fallen off a cliff.
Dropping her shoulders, Faruzan stood up as well. "This conversation amounted to nothing. I've opened up a little, maybe you should show me some respect? At the very least you should do the same."
"I'll think about it." He paused for less than a second. "Hm. No."
"You're a jerk."
"Is that the best insult the linguist can come up with? I've been called worse by lesser people."
"You don't deserve a proper insult yet. And is that a compliment, or did you mess up the phrase? It's called worse by better people."
The faint buzzing of the insects looming on the surface of the water seemed louder by the second. If Faruzan had been on edge ever since she woke up, whatever memory bothered the Wanderer had pushed him off the edge as well.
"This whole student-teacher relationship has surely gone to your head. Let me remind you that the only reason it exists, it's because I allow it. I'm the one who can get you out of this desert in one piece. I'm the one who is leagues above you. So if I say something, you better follow through with what I say. We are leaving, and we are leaving now. You better hold your tongue this time, you damn maniac."
The unveiled animosity of the Wanderer did little to stir Faruzan at the moment, who rubbed her chin while pondering his words. Speaking wasn't working at all with this man. She just needed to slowly whittle him down. Being in such a hostile environment wasn't helping, so perhaps she should use other methods. But first off, she had to defuse the situation. Or defend her pride. She chose the sensible option.
"Don't patronise me, you brat. And I thought you had proper manners, must I teach you those as well? You're just a sassy kid with a big stick, waving it around like you're insane. First off, respect your elders. Second off, clear your mouth. And third off, the Great Faruzan knows much more than language and mechanisms! I know history! Etiquette! Ethics! Exploration! Even learning a minuscule percentage from me would make you a hundredfold better person! And all that for free! To a certain degree." Faruzan's half-rant didn't quite surprise her reluctant Pupil, but it did alert him that she was as stubborn as a mule.
"What are you babbling about?"
"In you terms. The one who benefits from this relationship is you, not the other way around. I can leave this wretched desert with or without you." She then pointed at his face, her finger a hair's length away from his eye. "And I know you have your reasons to not leave me behind. Your bratty front is all smoke and mirrors. If I tell you to do something, you'll do it. No strings attached. Or am I wrong?"
"Stop pointing at my face all the time." The Wanderer pushed away her hand. "It's clear you're delusional. Talking like you're a big shot trying to save some random person… Is it heatstroke? Or maybe you're just naturally demented?" He chuckled with a smirk before walking away towards the palm tree. "Either way don't stand in the sun. It's hurting whatever brain you have left."
That was it. Perhaps at some other time, Faruzan would have been able to calmly gather her wits and move on from this non-issue. Now, however, she had infinitely less tolerance for such skulduggery. So the Scholar had to retaliate in some form. Her eyes were lured to the water of the oasis and then back at him.
"We'll see about that."
"Don't even think about it." The Wanderer suddenly said, glancing back at her. Undeterred by his warning, Faruzan kneeled and cupped her hands below the water. "Oh. You're just going to sulk again? I'm beginning to grow tired of y—"
In a swift spin, Faruzan turned and threw a pitiful amount of water at the Wanderer's face.
"Youngsters like you are so hotheaded… A bit of water will help you cool down and realise that I'm the soundest person between the two of us." Faruzan and the Wanderer locked glares.
"You dare? A visionless nuisance like you?" He raised his left hand, creating a quick anemo wave that pushed Faruzan into the water. Though the depth was barely a few centimetres high, falling so suddenly splashed water all over her back. Cold water mixed with fine sand did not make for a pleasurable experience.
He gleefully smirked as he crouched and observed Faruzan's grimace. "Don't you know physical punishments are old-fashioned? And you tried to punish one of the strongest beings in this godless land. Has time dulled your senses to such an extent?"
"That hurt, you know…" She forced a whimper, sheepishly staring at her Pupil. "Come on, help me up…"
Sighing, the Wanderer strolled towards her before offering her his hand. She weakly grasped it.
"Come on, it wasn't even that strong."
"Yeah… You're right." Faruzan suddenly increased her grip and pulled him into the water as well. He fell face-first into the sandy bottom before pushing himself out with his arms.
"You fell for it, hook, line and sinker!" Faruzan laughed like she had never laughed before. "Did you watch and learn? An old dog can learn many tricks!" She tried and failed to stifle her laugh, even as her dearest Pupil seemed about to commit heinous crimes.
"An old dog? Oh, where are my manners? An old bitch, that's what you are."
Faruzan was about to snap back an answer when water hit her face without any delay. There was but an instant of shock before she realised that he had just hurled water at her. She didn't think twice about it.
"Have fun with this gift!" A stifled giggle escaped her lips as she splashed back a mixture of water and sand, which her Pupil managed to block somewhat before splashing back at her.
"Know your place!" In comparison, her Pupil was not having the slightest bit of fun. He stood up and kicked water at Faruzan, who immediately ducked for cover and mimicked his movement.
"Right back at you! Listen to your elders!" She twirled on the spot and once again drenched him with a swift kick at the surface of the water. "You're the insane one for rejecting my teachings! And I'm not a bitch!"
"Oh, are you so sure?!" The Pupil suddenly lurched forward and held her forearms tight. Faruzan tried to wriggle her arms free, but soon realised it was futile against his strength. "You're worse than a bitch. You're the type of lowlife who takes advantage of the kindness of others."
Faruzan answered with half a chuckle, realising that she had been smiling for a while. Stasis sickness, it had to be that. "Would you truly call your minimal decency kindness?"
Pinned against the loamy sands below, Faruzan's ears were barely out of the water. Even then, this had been her first exercise in a century. And maybe it was nostalgia or her body enjoying the workout, but she was having fun.
"Just shut your mouth. Had enough with this little scuffle?" Though his words were quite serious, Faruzan merely giggled away his threat. "Stop laughing."
Even if she wanted to, she couldn't stop. She chose to embrace it anyhow and cooed: "No~"
"You just don't give up, do you? Do I have to drown you so you shut up for once? Because I will do it if it shuts you up." The Wanderer said while waterdrops dripped from his wet hair.
"Ah, aren't physical punishments so antiquated, dearest Pupil? I believe you're many things, but a hypocrite as well? For shame, for shame…" Faruzan's half-restrained giggles didn't help Wanderer's mood.
"Leave it to the language nerd to come up with fancy words. Just admit your defeat, you sassy bitch. You're obviously way over your head, so you'll shut up and we'll go our way. Got that?"
Faruzan's smile didn't waver. "What is it you're afraid of?"
"…What?"
"Every time our conversations reach an emotional level, you ignore them. The same happens when you try to open up. There's something you're afraid about, just like me." Faruzan felt his grasp on her shoulders tightening ever so slightly. "And honestly, I couldn't care any less if you try to hurt me or worse. You've shown yourself to be adept at that with mere words."
Exactly like the previous occasions, the Wanderer shut his lips tight and waited for a second or two before answering. "I'm not scared of anything. Much less simple words." He released his grip and stood up, water dripping from his clothes. "Perhaps… facing in battle certain opponents. Even then I would consider it respect rather than fear."
He walked out of the water, trying to clean the sand and water from his clothes. Faruzan stood up from the water as well, giving him time to think up an answer as he dried himself. It seemed that she had forced him to reveal something about himself by simply being straightforward.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, he glanced at Faruzan before patting away more sand on his clothes. "I fear that…" He stopped himself, mulling over the wording. "I used to fear…" He averted her eyes, and stared at the ground ."Being abandoned, I suppose."
He stopped talking, deciding that he had spoken enough.
There were a few things Faruzan wished to ask, but she would rather not prompt the ire of this already angry Wanderer.
"I guess that's why you don't like me." She answered as if it would make him feel better. "In a way, I've abandoned everyone and like so everyone has abandoned me. Is there actually a point in coming back if…"
"It's an irrational fear. I told you, I no longer fear that. Because they never abandoned me. Your friends and family didn't either." Hiding his face, he returned to robotically drying his clothes. "You were forced out of their lives, just like you were out of theirs. It wasn't your fault."
"But if I had been better…"
"I don't care and you shouldn't either. What's done is done."
Faruzan wasn't quite sure why he felt the need to act so brashly when he opened up ever so slightly. Those tame and recollected thoughts that naturally left his lips felt completely heartfelt. Was he afraid of showing emotions? Or… perhaps he had been conditioned that way. Regardless, for lack of a better alternative, she decided that whatever this confrontation had been, it had been enough.
As if sensing her mood change, the Wanderer stopped cleaning himself abruptly and turned towards her. "I have sand everywhere, I hope you're happy."
His Professor rolled on with his complaints. "Shouldn't have pushed me, then. I have sand in my hair, my clothes, inside my underwear. All wet to boot."
"Charming." He started walking towards the palm tree, where the bedroll was at. "We've spent enough time fucking around. Time to go already."
"Hold on," Faruzan walked out of the water. "Let me clean myself a bit. And don't look or turn around."
There was sand everywhere. And all the grains were starting to feel itchy. She had given up on trying to clean her hair and simply decided to pat it away from her articulations and particularly vulnerable spots.
"We have four hours left of sunlight." Her Pupil suddenly said as he gathered the bedroll and dispelled it away with a flick of his writ. "You're smart enough to realise that, right?"
"Uh, sure." Faruzan was in the process of removing her short pantalettes, so she didn't quite hear what he said. That type of underwear was all the rage a century ago, it had to remain stylish nowadays, right? "I, um… sorry for freaking out before. And for throwing you water."
"You just needed to let off some steam. In hindsight it was obvious." He removed his hat and ruffled his hair. "Oh, and don't tell anyone what I revealed. Or I will murder you."
If Faruzan wasn't currently cleaning away her underwear, she would have been legitimately intimidated. Sadly, the embarrassment was too much, even if he was looking away.
"Okay…Same thing." Her body still itched all around, even without underwear. Sand really did get everywhere.
"Are you done?" Her Pupil pressed once again, impatient.
"Uh, one second!" Faruzan was in no way done, but she rushed through and started to put her undergarments where they belonged.
"Pick up the pace. If you hadn't slept half a day, we wouldn't be in such a hurry. Animals and worse must have picked up our scent by now." He crossed his arms, drumming his fingers anxiously. "What are you even doing back there? Did you undress just to remove a bit of sand?"
"I didn't undress." Prompted by her answer, he started to turn around. "Hey! Don't move! I was removing the sand from my underwear so I had to remove them…"
"These humans, I swear…" He heaved a sigh. "Can't even walk with a bit of discomfort..."
"What are you babbling about? Unlike you, I'm wearing a skirt. It's not exactly the most watertight clothing… And you were complaining about it not a minute ago." Finally dressed back, Faruzan patted her Pupil's back and walked in front of him. "Alright, let's go my dearest Pupil."
The Wanderer breathed deeply and ignored her words. "Are you alright, then? Can you walk without issues? Did you let out everything you wanted to say?"
"Yes, I have." No, she hadn't. "You're back to your nice mode too."
"That's not a thing. Respect my wishes and I'll respect yours. So don't ask me any more personal questions, alright?"
Faruzan had gotten away with it once, so she was certain she'd be able to do it again. Yet, she would respect that wish. At least for the day. It had taken a lot out of him to answer that question. She understood that. Because it was taking a heavy burden on her being to stop thinking about her prison.
"Sure."
With that settled, they began walking back towards their southerly route. It took them a few minutes to find the dry, rocky path again. It had taken such as many minutes for Faruzan to begin drowning in sorrow.
The cause was obvious. Faruzan had woken up, berated the only person around and forced him to unveil uncomfortable truths about himself. And for what? A temporal distraction? Because being afraid of closed spaces was not the source of her fear. That had been a mere catalyst. And though her Pupil had been strong enough to reveal his fears, against his will, she hadn't done so. She had deflected the issue and used that to force the truth out of him. She was a horrible person.
Even walking together with someone, she was alone. Isolated. Again.
"Hey. Twintails." The Wanderer snapped his fingers right beside her right ear. It took her a moment to acknowledge that fact. "I said I don't like being abandoned. Return to the real world, teach me something."
Faruzan stared at her moving legs, noticing that, unlike the previous instances, her Pupil was walking alongside her. The shade of his hat was covering her own shadow, protecting her from the sun. That thought lapsed her judgement.
"Oh, I don't… I don't know…"
"How about I teach you something? Horrible, slimy fucks will always try to take advantage of anyone vulnerable and bend you to their will. They will try anything to get their way." He tapped something on his chest, but Faruzan wasn't able to see what. "Luckily for you, I won't let those people anywhere near you. In exchange, don't leave me alone for the duration of this trip. That includes that happy world you were just in. I want none of that shit."
"Oh…" There was a brief pause as Faruzan rubbed her eyes and processed his words. "Alright… Yes! This is an equal partnership. You protect me and I'll teach you. I did say you'd become a better person by the end of this all. So let's start with the mix of vulgarisms and formal speech you utilise."
Her Pupil glanced at her and shook his head, continuing to walk at a steady pace. Though he seemed to regret immediately Faruzan's lecture, he seemed to prefer that over the silent yet dreadful walk of a few minutes ago.
