A/N: I had promised two updates, I know, and I was working on chapter 13 to upload it next. But the weather has become pretty severe where I live, and I rather leave you guys with one update, continue writing one the weather calms a little, and update double chapters for you all tomorrow. :) I apologize, but I will be back tomorrow! Happy reading!
For those of you who are just discovering this story. I advice you to go into my profile and find the third-person version of it to read first. Otherwise, you will be confused as this version shows extra material that the third-person story does not contain. Have a safe night, everyone!
Reviews would be greatly appreciated.
Chapter 12: Emma
I look over at the clock on Audrey's nightstand and check the time. Two AM. You would figure that after having gone through the most boring party in my history of attending several parties, I would be utterly exhausted. But, I was more awake than ever.
Audrey on the other hand- I turned to her sleeping form- had had a few drinks and had found blissful sleep ever since I helped her walk into this room.
Given that I couldn't conceive of any sleep, I had searched for my photo album that I kept inside of my suitcase. I had looked through some of my photos for a while, and then decided on drawing whatever it was my hand felt like drawing tonight.
My pencil scratched along my paper as my mind began to wander… I thought about this trip, about Audrey. How happy she's been, being back home. I thought about her mom- Regina. On how tense she had looked tonight, compared in difference to how relaxed she had looked that time we had visited the Orchard. I smile as I recall the incident that happened to me with Rocky. Given that I was doing much better.
My mind drifted to how beautiful that dress looked on her tonight. How easy it was for her to smile, even when sometimes I had gotten the impression off of her as if, she was a person who didn't really like to smile much at all. I'm glad I had been proven wrong.
Once again, drawing my own conclusions. Regina could smile. She was just too frightened to do so.
I think about her smile, the way her eyes looked sad most of the time and deep in thought, but also curious. My hand moves along the blank sheet of paper I had placed within my photo album- for inspiration moments such as this one- and I drift back to thinking…
Regina certainly looked as though she was experiencing things for the first time, half the time. Could it be? Surely, Chief Irons couldn't keep her locked up in here all the time.
Regina's eyes… My hand moved further into the drawing, and suddenly, I knew my source of inspiration. Regina's eyes seemed like a good place to start. And as such, I drew them. But then I decided on adding the lines and perfectly shaped curves of her face. Followed by every last detailed strand of jet black hair.
I studied my drawing for a moment after I was finished with it. And I felt my smile stretch along my lips.
I was certainly drawn to Regina's beauty, because even in this drawing, I found myself staring at her likeness and flawless beauty. And once again, I found myself wondering, how in the hell did a woman like Regina end up marrying such a controlling bastard? I turn to Audrey's sleeping form. How can you not see the kind of man your father really is? How could I see it even on the first time meeting the man, and Audrey couldn't?
Growing up around him, I was sure she must have seen or heard something before regarding her parents.
I look back down at my new drawing, tucking it back inside of my photo album before putting it away for the night. And as long as I'm up, given that I couldn't sleep, I decide to move quietly along the room, and exit down the hallway, following my way down the stairs.
I enter the kitchen quietly, flickering on the lights as I do- in case Regina came in- I didn't want to be the source of another close call at a heart attack. I feel at liberty to search the fridge for a bottle of water that I quickly take into my possession. I twist the cap off and take a sip, eyeing the box of fruit loops once again, considering the idea of a past midnight snack.
As I twist the cap back on the bottle of water, I blindly place it along the counter. Only to my surprise- I miss- hearing the bottle thud loudly throughout the kitchen, making me wince as it rolls along the floor, underneath the table. Shit. I quickly bend down to reach for the bottle under the table, and as I do, my eyes look up toward one of the clear windows of the double doors that lead out into the pool.
What the-? My brow furrows as I something floating along the pool, or… Someone? At this hour of the night? I slowly stood, hoping whatever or whoever was out there couldn't and wouldn't see me.
The lights were out in the pool area, so I still struggled to see. I knew it wasn't Audrey, as I had just left her in the bedroom a few minutes ago. Leopold wasn't this small in stature, and Sidney- for all I knew- was in his bedroom. Everyone from the party had gone home hours ago. So that only left… Regina? I stood closer to the window to help myself to a better look, and there she was. Her body floating motionlessly in the pool.
No! I placed the bottle of water on top of the table, and my feet ran out the back doors as fast as they could guide me. I had no idea what was going on, but I had some notion of how it looked. And I wasn't about to allow it.
As I reached outside, my instinct was to dive straight into the pool. I hear the splash my dive creates loud at first, until it echoes as I swim under water. My feet are kicking hard and my arms are stretched out as I reach for Regina's motionless body. I turn her face up, and race quickly to swim toward the edge with the steps. My clothes tighten around my body, soaked and wet, a strand of hair sticks along my face as I am pulling Regina out of the pool, climbing up one step at a time. The adrenaline is pumping through my veins like a locomotive.
Please, be okay! Please, be alive! I grunt as I give one more pull, until Regina's motionless body is lying flat along the concrete and away from the water. Immediately, I place my hands together, one on top of the other and place them along the middle of her chest. One… Two… Three… Four… I press down hard, but not enough to avoid breaking her ribs. Please, be alive… I tilt her head back and use my finger to slightly part her lips, enough to where mine can press perfectly down and blow two puffs of my oxygen straight down her throat.
Dear God, please… I beg him, too afraid I'd fail to save her. Too afraid she'd die on me. "Come on," I hissed under my breath, begging to be heard, begging to see a slight movement from Regina, who continues to remain perfectly still. One… Two… Three… Four… I repeat the same chest compression's. "Come on, wake up. Come on." This time I beg Regina as I brush back a strand of wet hair that settles along her face and lips, settle my lips to hers and blow.
What if I had arrived too late? What would I tell Audrey? No! I shake my head, grunting in anger as I refuse- refuse- to let her die like this. I couldn't let her go! One… Two… Three… Four… I go again, repeating my steps that thanks to David, I knew by heart.
My eyes are on the verge of tears at this point as I take a moment to breathe, "Come on, Regina. Wake up! For the love of God-" My voice quivers as my fear of losing her increases.
Gasp! Regina's mouth parts just as her eyes do, and my breath hitches inside my throat. My hands hover over her, carefully as she coughs. Each cough bangs against her chest harder than the next.
"Regina, hey- you're okay. You're okay." I cup my hand along her neck and jawline, keeping her as still as possible as she continued to cough a little and squirm under my touch. I center her face to mine and look deeply into her lost, confused eyes as they stare up at me. "You're okay. I got you." I whisper in reassurance.
Her eyes blinked up at me as if she were seeing me for the first time. "Emma?" She breathes out my name, and hearing it called out has never made me happier.
"Yeah," I breathed out and just smiled. "Yeah, it's me. It's me, I got you. You're safe now."
"Y- you- you saved me." Her voice quivered as she said this to me, her eyes filled with tears, and whether I was right about what had gone on here or not- I could see the instant regret in her eyes. "You-" I hear her sobs come through as she breaks before me. My hands hold onto her face as I allow myself to sit along the wet floor. Her body is shaking with each sob.
Suddenly, Regina abruptly sits up, and before I can stop her from moving, or warn her not to sit up so fast, I feel her arms wrapped around me, her body pressed so tightly along mine. I freeze for a good second or two before my own arms hold onto Regina's form, holding her so close to me, allowing her to cry.
"It's okay. It's okay, Regina, I've got you now. I've got you. You're safe." I whispered to her as she continued to cry in my arms. Suddenly, as I continued to hold her close, and continued to watch her break, I became so enraged.
I knew what had happened to her tonight. It was clear. I had seen the way Leopold had been watching Regina all night, or how he would pull her into a corner any chance he got and whisper whatever made her uncomfortable into her ear. Motherfucker. My hand cradled the back of Regina's head, touching her carefully. And it was then that I made myself a promise.
What Leopold did to her tonight… It would never happen again.
I come into the house, through the kitchen with Regina cradled in my arms. I wasn't about to make her walk inside, barefoot for her to catch a cold later. She needed to be dried off, and somewhere warm. She was shaking.
"I got you. It's okay." I whisper, hurrying quietly through the house, until I reach the hallway and stop at the first door belonging to the first person I could think of that would help. "Sidney!" I called out, using my quiet voice. "Sidney, it's Emma!"
As I am about to use one of my hands to knock anyway that I could, the door swings open, and there stands Sidney. His eyes wide and filled with fear. "Good, God, what happened? Is she alright?" He stepped aside, allowing me to enter his bedroom.
"She's alright." I say to Sidney, hearing him close the door behind me. I continue to hold onto Regina even as I turn to face Sidney. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I really don't want to leave her alone right now. Would you mind gathering up some towels, maybe some fresh clothes for her, please?"
"Certainly- right away." Sidney runs faster than I had ever seen him move, racing out of the door and closing it in place.
I take a quick look around the room for a minute, scanning everything. I spotted a recliner along a wall, near a fireplace that Sidney had already burning. Thank God. Regina needed warmth right now. "Alright," I whisper to Regina, walking near the recliner. "I'm going to set you down- just for a minute, okay?" I look at Regina and see her give me a small nod. Before I set her down, I ask, "Do you think you can sit up on your own?"
Another nod, and I carefully place her down along the recliner. I feel free to pull it a little closer to the fire to provide Regina more warmth.
"Easy, I've got you." I speak in a gentle tone of voice, my hands carefully and slowly rubbing along her arms, trying to warm her.
I find Regina's eyes looking into mine, and my breathing trembles on its way out past my lips. She looked lost in thought, she looked frightened, or maybe surprised that I just happened to be there to jump in and save her. Either way, I was thankful I had been. I couldn't imagine having to wake up tomorrow and find out that- no! No, I shouldn't think that. She's fine. Regina was fine. I had saved her and we were both fortunate to find Sidney still awake. At least I hope he had been awake.
From what little I knew of him, I knew Sidney cared deeply for Regina. So, I know I made the right choice in coming to him for help. He was a good man, and that was more than I could say about a lot of people I've met in my life.
As I am about to ask Regina if she's alright, I hear a light knock at the door, followed by a hushed whisper, "It's me." I hear Sidney say as the door opens. I stand as he is handing me over a fresh and dry bathrobe, along with a towel. "I brought her a bathrobe, and a towel for you. I'm afraid I couldn't find more sleeping clothes within your suitcase, miss- I do have some old clothes you could borrow, if you-"
"It's fine, don't worry about me-" I jump in, shaking my head. My priority was Regina right now. "Thank you, Sidney."
"I'll go put on a pot of tea. It does her good." Sidney is looking at Regina the entire time.
"Tea would be great. Thank you." I give him a small smile of appreciation as he nods and begins making his way out of the room.
"Sidney…" Sidney and I turn to Regina, and I'm surprised to see her a little more composed than she was just a second ago. How many times did she actually go through this shit? My anger builds up as I wonder this in silence. "Thank you." She thanks him.
Sidney nods and gives Regina a small smile of appreciation before he exits out of his bedroom. I didn't have to be a genius to figure out that this wasn't Sidney's first rodeo in helping Regina pick herself back up again.
The room falls silent for a moment, all that could be heard is the crackling of the fireplace. I turn to Regina, and watch her for a moment. I notice the visible bruises along her wrists as I move in closer. I considered helping her to stand, wanting to reach out, but I held back deciding that it was best if I allowed her to do that on her own.
I set down the towel and bathrobe somewhere beside her, leaving them to her reach. "You should change out of those," I reach for the new items again to hand them to her. "I'll be just outside the door. When you're ready for me to come in, just knock."
This wasn't my first rodeo, either. I couldn't begin to tell you how many times I have mended bruises of my own, along with my mom's that were courtesy of my deadbeat father. I make my way out the door, feeling the cold floor beneath my bare feet, and I'm sure to shut the door, giving Regina all the privacy she needs.
As soon as the door shuts, I release a heavy sigh of relief. My back lands against the wall, just beside the door and I run a hand right through my wet strands of hair. I consider going to offer Sidney some help, but think twice, before I balance on the idea that I really shouldn't leave Regina alone right now. I close my eyes for a short minute as I wait outside the door, and I try to compose myself before I have to go into the bedroom again.
Calm down. I tell myself. She's alright. Just calm down. But what if she hadn't been? What if I hadn't reached her in time? My eyes threaten to tear up on me and I shut them even tighter.
I turn to look down the hallway, and for a moment… I stew on the idea of going up those stairs and beating the shit out of that miserable bastard. My hand balls into a tight fist, so hard it shakes. How could he do this to Regina? How could anyone want to do her any harm? If Sidney was such a good friend to Regina, how was it that he continued to allow this to happen to her?
I pace along the hallway a little, shaking my head to drift away any murdering thoughts toward Leopold White. Calm down. I tell myself. But, I couldn't. Seeing all of this take place tonight- knowing- what had happened to Regina tonight, and I had no idea to have helped her sooner, it filled me up with so much anger and hatred for that bastard. Just like I hated my own father for ever daring to hurt my mom and myself when I was just a kid.
My thoughts vanish as I hear three small knocks along the door, and I hurry to open it, but I do so very gently. As I do, the door creaks, and I shut it back in place before stepping further into the room.
Regina reaches for the neglected towel and hands it to me. "Take it. I won't have you catching your death because of me." She says to me, her voice sounding a little hoarse.
Having no choice, I reach for the towel and place it along my back, around my shoulders, like a cape. "Thank you." I say to Regina.
Regina chuckles as she plops along Sidney's unmade bed, and I just watch her. "You must think I'm pathetic." She says.
"Not at all." I answer truthfully, my voice still gentle. "If anything… When I saw you, I thought you were the most headstrong woman I had ever met in my life. A little broken, but tonight proved that you definitely go for what you want."
This was true. When I first met Regina, I thought she was a very headstrong woman, indeed. I know people, and I knew I wasn't wrong about this. Regina was also very angry right now, maybe a little more embarrassed with the fact that I was the one who not only found her, but also saved her. And behind that anger, as I continued to stand before her, I could see a determination and bravery behind her eyes that she didn't know was there yet.
Regina chuckles again, scoffing along as she glares up at me this time. "You must be thinking of some other girl's mother, Ms. Swan. Because I am far from headstrong, much less going for what I want." Her lip quivers and she looks like she wants to cry again. "I am nothing if not a coward who just tried to take her own life. There is nothing admirable about that." She shakes her head.
She says to me that she isn't headstrong, that she doesn't go for what she wants, but she's wrong. Being in this situation for such a long time- longer than I probably knew- it made Regina strong.
Tonight's incident was just a bump in her road.
I quietly move over toward the bed, taking a seat next to Regina. The fire is crackling just near us, and I can't help but stare at her for just a long minute. The way the light of the fire illuminated along her face in such a beautiful way. She looked so delicate, so broken, yet behind her saddened eyes there was a strength she didn't know she had. I wish I had my camera with me at that moment.
How could that bastard not see how beautiful she was?
"Believe it or not…" Regina startles me away from my thoughts. "This isn't the first time I've tried to-" I remain silent, I listen attentively and I can see a wave of shame wash over her. "But it is the first time I've almost gotten away with it."
To know Regina has tried to attempt against her own life before and almost succeeded tonight, instantly breaks my heart. Her eyes are looking at her hands which remain on her lap the entire time we're sitting here. Suddenly, I decide to bring my hand up gently, tuck my knuckles underneath her chin and lift her head up slowly. She is surprised by my reaction, but her eyes also look frightened and gentle.
I look her straight in the eyes, I wet my lips as they suddenly become dry on me. "It's perfectly fine not to be okay, Regina." I remind her in a quiet tone of voice.
I can't look away from her eyes and she can't look away from mine. Even like this, after she's just been through the most traumatic experience no woman should go through, overlooking that- sitting by the fire with me- Regina looked absolutely beautiful.
I had admired her beauty before, but what I was seeing now was beyond any other beauty I had ever encountered in my entire life.
A light knock at the door made us both turn. "Come in." Regina clears her throat as her voice threatens to catch in her throat.
Sidney enters the room, carrying a tray with a steaming kettle, two tea cups, some honey and slices of lime. "I took the liberty of making you and Ms. Emma some tea," he informs Regina, but smiles sweetly at both of us. He sets everything down with practiced ease. "'It'll heal all and help you get a good night's sleep,' my mother used to say."
I smile. Again, I liked Sidney. I could tell he was close to his mother, just like I am with my mom.
"Thank you, Sidney." Regina gives him a sad yet appreciative smile. "However, we'll leave you to rest for the night, I'm sure you're very tired-" I see her about to stand, and I'm ready to do the same when Sidney interjects.
"Please, no. It's already warm in here." He holds his hands out before us to prevent us from leaving. "Stay. You know me, ma'am, I am always up early before anyone else in this house."
Regina chuckles, "I know. Thank you. I'll make it up to you."
"No need, madam." Sidney gives us a smile, nods and moves toward the door.
"Sidney," I called out to him, seeing him look back at me. I move over to his bed where a newspaper was left, and hand it to him. "Don't forget this. I wouldn't want you getting bored out there."
He smiles at me, pats my arm lightly and says, "Thank you." As he's looking into my eyes, I can see he isn't just thanking me for handing him over a simple newspaper. He's thanking me for having saved Regina's life.
I give him a small nod as he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. He didn't have to thank me for saving her life. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if the opportunity presented itself. God forbid it ever did again.
I hear the clanking of tea cups as I turn back to see that Regina is already serving both our teas. I move fast, but not too fast to be by her side.
"Honey?" Regina asks me, waiting for my reply.
"I can do that-" I'm about to reach out for the spoon she's holding, but immediately, Regina shakes her head and chuckles at me.
"Don't be ridiculous." As if she knows, I would say yes to having honey in my tea, Regina scoops up some honey and stirs it inside of my cup with the silver spoon. "You saved my life tonight, Ms. Swan, it's the least I can do."
I shake my head as I watch Regina prepare her tea next in silence. I noticed some faint bruising along her wrists. Here was Regina, who had just had the most haunting night of her life by the hands of her husband, and who attempted to take her own life because of it. Here she was, trying to put herself together, by making me a cup of tea. Unbelievable. She was stronger than she knew.
I find myself wondering just how many times did she have to do this for herself?
"You don't owe me anything, Regina." I say truthfully, taking a seat next to her once again. I watch how calm her hand is as she is serving herself honey inside of her own cup and stirs. Her hand doesn't even shake.
Suddenly, I'm surprised and relieved to see a small smirk play at the corner of her lip as she says, "Don't tell me you go around saving people in distress?"
And now she's making jokes. I can't help but chuckle along, making a mental picture in my mind.
Emma Swan. Photographer by day, superhero by night. Like Spider-Man.
I wish. "No," I breathe out. "But, I couldn't let you do that to yourself, either."
The lightness that surrounded us a second ago becomes heavy once again. And I find myself looking into Regina's eyes again, searching for whatever could be going through her mind at this moment. I actually feel myself losing myself in them, until I look down to the teacup Regina was offering me. I take it and we both take an equal sip.
"Well…" Regina speaks after she swallows down her gulp of tea. Her eyes are on mine again. "Whatever possessed you to jump in after me- I thank you. I can't think of anything more to say or do to possibly repay-"
I jump in, "You seriously don't owe me anything. And stop thanking me." I shake my head.
She really doesn't need to be thanking me. Regina shouldn't even be going through this alone. I wasn't the one who was supposed to find her, or know this secret of hers. It was Audrey. Because who was I to Regina, if not simply just her daughter's girlfriend? Audrey was the one who needed to know what was going on. It was bad enough Regina had been going through this for years.
I set my cup of tea down, and Regina's voice catches me by surprise as she says, "I know what you're thinking." I look at her and her body turns more to me. Her eyes on me. "And I can tell you right now, that you can forget it. Audrey can't know the kind of monster her father really is."
Was she serious right now? I expected this, of course, but it still didn't make it right. "Well, if you don't tell her- I will." I see her eyes grow wide before me as I say this to her. My tone matter-of-factly.
It wasn't my place to meddle in this, I knew this. But it made me angry. Regina didn't need to be going through this alone.
"No. No, you can't," Regina shakes her head in a panic and shifts her body more my way.
"You can't keep living like this, Regina- How long do you think you can keep this up-?" I try to argue, but Regina quickly interjects.
"As long as it takes, Ms. Swan!" She snaps at me, and it surprises me. I had only known her for so little time, but I had never heard her raise her voice to anyone. And now here she was doing it to me. Her eyes tearing up again, urging her to cry.
"Why? Why-?" I snap back, a little aggravated, even if I understood her fear, and Regina jumps ahead of me once more.
"Because I am not your problem to fix!" Tears slide past Regina's cheeks and as she's looking at me, I can see a fear in her eyes I once saw in my own mom. It absolutely breaks my heart. "This isn't your problem to fix," she breathes, trying to control the quiver in her voice as her eyes glare angrily in my direction. "Why did you pull me out? Why did you save me?"
This wasn't a hard question to answer. "Because I believe you are worth more than you know."
"Well, you're wrong." Regina swallows down a hard lump in her throat and looks down to her hands, avoiding my gaze all together. "I'm not worth anything, Ms. Swan. I'm too broken to be worth anything."
I watch another tear form like a clear pearl out of the corner of her eye, and come down. My hand fidgets, begging me to wipe it away, but Regina beats me to it.
For Regina to think she wasn't worth it or too broken to ever be worth it angered me. Once again, I had to fight the urge to march upstairs and beat the shit out of that piece of shit, sleeping in the main bedroom, as if Regina didn't matter. As if what just happened didn't matter.
"Well, I don't believe that." I say to Regina, looking right into her eyes.
"Whatever happened tonight between Leopold and I, what he-" Regina's voice catches in her throat, and I can see the painful memory play in her mind as her brow slightly creases, and her eyes close for a second. She shifts a little as she continues, more composed. "What he did. He won't remember it tomorrow. It'll be erased from his memory, and he will go to work like nothing happened."
That motherfucker. My knuckles turn white along my side from how hard I clenched my hand into a balled fist. "Except from yours." I look deeper into her eyes, and Regina's fear is clearer than ever.
I knew I wasn't about to make her understand that she needed help. She needed to speak up. Because it wasn't easy for everyone who went through this. I knew this first hand. It wasn't easy for my mother, until she found her own strength, and until I did what I did.
When my mother was going through this, I could have left at any time, but I never wanted to leave her alone with that monster. I was always a smart kid, and could have fend for myself. But leaving my mother was the last thing on my mind. And after she finally escaped him- after we escaped him- the situation was still hard for my mother to overcome. Until David stepped into our lives and made them all better. She smiled again and was happy, and finally loved the way she was meant to be loved.
But before then, just like Regina now, no one could force them to understand their situation. No one could force them into doing something they did not want to do. And I wasn't about to do that to Regina, either.
And when pain is all you knew throughout your life, coming out of it was entirely up to them.
"Regina…" My voice was soft, but I was angry. "I understand, more than you know, what you're going through. And I can speak from experience that it can only end two ways. By you realizing that you are worth it, and you can escape it. Or by you ending six feet under ground." I pause, seeing Regina's beautiful eyes start to tear up again. "Now, you can try to take your life again, all you want, but while I continue to be around, I will always be there to save you. Because I know your strength. But, if you yourself can't see that… Then, maybe you're right. You aren't worth fixing."
I hated myself as I walked out, leaving Regina all alone in that room. I hated what I had said to her, and I hated myself for hurting her. Maybe Regina's situation was worse than I thought, but how else was I supposed to make her understand that she is worth it. How could I possibly make her see everything I see in her, every time she allows me to look into her eyes?
I knew her very little, but that only made me want to know her more.
Regina was a woman who had a lot of potential and had a lot to offer anyone who wanted her. She deserves someone who will love her. Really really love her.
And much, much more.
I climbed the stairs a step at a time, the floor cold underneath my bare feet. As I walk along the hallway, and halt before Audrey's bedroom door, my head turns toward the door at the end of the hallway. I glare- hard, and my already balled fist tightens even more. I could go in there right now and just beat the shit out of him. It would be that easy. He was so passed out, drowned in intoxication that he would never see me coming.
But, then I think about Regina. About her fear regarding Leopold. About Audrey finding out and Regina not being ready to reveal anything to her, out of love for her. Out of fear of hurting Audrey.
And just like that, I get it. Regina was such a kind hearted woman, frightened of hurting her daughter. Not even thinking about her own feelings. I turn to the door and enter the bedroom, attempting to call it a night.
Of course, it took me a while to fall asleep after I changed into a pair of clean sleeping attire.
By morning, my rumbling stomach woke me. Actually, it was more of a sore throat, but I chose to ignore it. Food was more important.
Even if I was somewhat hesitant to head downstairs this morning, for the very reason that I didn't want to see Leopold White's face. I was more concerned with Regina being downstairs alone with him.
Settling on wanting to be down there where I could keep a close eye on him around Regina, I headed into the bathroom. After brushing my teeth, and changing into a pair of clothes for the day, I leaned against the bathroom sink and I hear Regina's words from last night.
'Because I am not your problem to fix. This isn't your problem to fix.'
She was right. Regina wasn't my problem. And this whole situation wasn't mine to meddle in in the first place. But, damn it. Sidney knew, and he didn't seem to want to do anything about this, no more than Regina didn't either.
Well, I may agree I might have been a little harsh last night near the end of our conversation. And I may agree not to say anything to spare Regina from any more trouble she obviously did not need. She had enough already being married to that piece of shit.
But I would be damned if I allowed him to beat on Regina anymore, or do any of the monstrosities he did last night.
My eyes look up at my own reflection before they move toward Audrey's sleeping form. She wouldn't be up yet. And with that, after running a comb through my loose hair, deciding to leave it that way, I move back into the bedroom, toward the bed, lean down to place a delicate kiss along Audrey's temple and walk out of the room.
As I am heading down the stairs, I am greeted by Sidney, who surprisingly- for a man who also had a long and unexpected night- looked well rested.
I wonder how many nights he has had to stay up with Regina.
"Ms. Swan," he nods at me and a little private smirk settles at the corner of his lip.
"Good morning, Sidney." I nod back. "Is…?" My voice trails, but Sidney reads my mind.
"She's eating breakfast. She is doing much better, thanks to you." He looked relieved, and thankful.
I nod, and my eyes look to the dining area. "Is she…?" Once again, it's as if Sidney could read my mind.
"She's alone." He nods.
"Where's Mr. White?" I ask him with a hint of anger in my voice. I clench my jaw.
"He left early for work this morning." Sidney nodded toward the dining room, and I stepped down the last step of the stairs to head that way. Needless to say, feeling relieved to know that Regina was alone this morning. "Ms. Swan…"
I turn as soon as I hear him call my name.
"I want to thank you for what you did last night for her." I can see, not only the sincerity in his eyes, but the love he feels toward Regina. "Ms. Regina… She's very special to me, you see. I've been working here a long time, I watched her bloom into the woman she is today. I was here to watch over Ms. Audrey when she was born." That's a long time. He takes a pause, and somehow I know where this is going. "Mr. White… He is a very powerful man. A very dangerous man. He has somehow fooled everyone to having the perfect marriage- including Ms. Audrey. I know it's a lot to take in right now, but I beg you. Go easy on her."
I stare in silence, listening attentively.
"She's been going through this since she was sixteen years old. It's tragically the only life she knows."
'Tragically the only life she knows.' His words play in my head like an alarm. And I knew then… I never wanted to leave Regina alone again. I was determined to mend my words of last night- maybe not all of them- but, enough to let her know that she also had someone she could trust in me now.
"You have my word." I give Sidney a reassuring nod.
I see tears wanting to form in Sidney's eyes as he nods at me. Almost thanking me again. "Mr. White, he will be gone until late tonight. I can't tell you how many times I myself have been wanting to-" His lip quivers and I see the truth, anger and pain in his eyes. "I know what's stirring inside of you, Ms. Swan, but I beg you not to make things worse for her. If you do see him tonight-"
"Sidney," I get it now. "I give you my word." I reassure him. After all, I meant no harm. I just wanted to keep Regina within my best interest. Keep her safe from having to face what she did last night, ever again.
Sidney nods, relief taking over him as the color on his face returns. He begins to go on his way, when I had but one last thing to say-
"But, if he tries anything with her again," Sidney turns to look at me and as he does, I know he knows what I am about to say. And just with exchanging looks- I know that he and I have a mutual understanding.
Sidney and I go our separate ways after that. And as I enter the dining room, my heart stops and aches at the sight of Regina. There she was, sitting in her usual place at the dining table, having breakfast and enjoying a sip of her orange juice. As if nothing had happened. Not strong? She certainly was stronger than she let on, or more than anyone I had ever met in my life.
Something in me stirred in that moment as I made my way further into the dining room. My eyes on her the entire time. Suddenly, all the anger I felt evaporated, and all I cared about was her. To make things right. To let her know that she didn't have to be alone in this anymore.
This might not be my problem to fix. She might not be my problem to fix. But, after saving her life last night, and seeing her break, I'd say that pretty much went out the window. At least for me.
"Good morning," I greeted her with a kindness to my voice before I joined her at the table. Not really feeling hungry anymore.
Her eyes darted to me again, and she looked relieved. She probably thought I was still mad at her.
"Good morning." She gives me a slight nod and her eyes fall back on her oatmeal for a short minute as she plays around with it. I can tell she isn't hungry this morning. And apparently, she notices the same from me. "You're not eating this morning?" She asks.
I had planned to. But one look at Regina, and it all went away.
I shake my head in a quick response, "No, I'm not- I'm not hungry."
I am angry. And I almost wanted to have a run in with Leopold this morning, to give him a piece of my mind. But, I gave my word to Sidney. And I always stood by my word. I wanted to be there for Regina, and was still willing to beat the shit out of Leopold for her. But for her sake, and Sidney's peace of mind, I wouldn't stir up trouble. I did however want to let Regina know that she had someone she could count in me.
"Want to go for a walk?" I see my question surprises her. And I wondered if she thought I was still mad at her for how I left things last night.
'Tragically the only life she knows.' Sidney's words play in my head again, making me realize that Regina expected for me to be mad. And I was. But not with her. I wanted her to know that.
"Now?" Regina asks.
"Yeah." I nod and stand from my chair. I give her a little smile for reassurance and peace of mind.
Regina stews on my offer for a minute before she wipes the corner of her mouth, which surprisingly the swelling I had witnessed on it last night- had gone. She stands and says, "A walk would actually be lovely."
Walking alongside Regina that morning along the front lawn, made me realize just how big of a space it was. The hedges were tall, providing us with some privacy, which is what I was looking for more than anything.
As we walk in silence for what seemed like an eternity, I take in Regina's attire for this morning. Long gray, dress pants with another white long sleeve shirt. Mind you, Regina could pull off any look, and I didn't mind these outfits at all on her. But, now it dawned on me that she wore these same outfits almost every time to cover up any evidence that Leopold might've left behind.
It made me sad.
"Ms. Swan, I wanted to say-"
"I wanted-" We exchanged looks as we both realized, we were both thinking the same thing. And I am relieved to see her share a small smile with me.
"It seems we are always finding each other in this apologizing predicament, aren't we?" I ask Regina with a trace of humor in my voice.
"It would appear so." Regina throws a quick glance my way that I can't help but notice.
"Well," we walked along a trail of flowers that had been planted along a small graveled pathway. My eyes remain on them as I say, "You have nothing to apologize for. Except maybe for scaring the shit out of me last night, and Sidney. But, you seem fine now, so…" I bend down to pick a yellow flower from the ground, and I begin to twirl the stem along my fingers.
I watch as Regina's eyes fall on the flower I had just picked. She chuckles, brushing back a strand of hair behind her ear as she says to me, "I'm only fine because I have to be. Physically, I heal but… Emotionally and mentally…" She sighs. Her eyes find mine and I give her a nod, understanding perfectly what she meant. I say nothing, simply because I know she wanted to say more. And she does. "You have to understand my situation, Ms. Swan… It's not easy to just confront everything just because you happened to save me last night. You won't always be here to save me or anyone."
This was true. But I could try.
I nod once again, understanding, but also recalling some of her words from last night. "Yeah, I know. Because it's not my problem to fix, right?"
It wasn't meant as an attack, and I can tell my words hurt her in that moment. "I didn't-" she sighs, obviously regretting her words from last night. Just as I regretted mine. My eyes look down to her hand as she places it along my forearm. We both come to a halt and I am looking into her eyes as she says, "Please, try to understand. My daughter has this perfect image of her father…" She chuckles. "She won't understand what's happening here, Ms. Swan. Around her- for years, even now, Leopold is a different man, it's always been that way. You and her, you two have your own lives to live for- away from here. As it should be."
My lips thin to a frown because I don't like where this is going.
"You can't put your life on hold to try and save me every time I have a new bruise to mend." She pauses and I can see pain behind her eyes. "What you said last night, that I'm not worth fixing. You were right."
No. No, I wasn't! I was stupid for saying that. "That's not true," I shake my head. "That's not true, I- I should have never said-"
"No." Regina interjects, "It is. It is very true." She nods.
"Listen, Regina, I understand that all marriages go through problems, but that doesn't justify-" A small laughter erupting from Regina catches me off guard.
"Marriage?" She shakes her head as her eyes meet with mine again. "This isn't a marriage. It's a farce." I know then, that this is the first time she has ever said those words to anyone out loud. "A marriage isn't supposed to be a nightmare, but mine is. Unlike the rest of the world- I didn't have a say in what would happen to my life as soon as my father passed away."
My heart ached once more. I didn't pity Regina, but my heart ached for her. I wished nothing more that very moment to reach out and hug her. Hold her so close to me, just like I had last night.
But instead, I settled with- "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry that you were forced to marry someone you obviously don't have any amount of feelings for. I am. And I know that doesn't make this shit situation any better for you, but," I sigh and run a hand through my hair in built up frustration again. Because as much as I got it, it was still frustrating to hear. Regina didn't deserve this. "Regina, do you really think that living this way, forcing yourself to act happy, to spare the rest of the world- to spare Audrey, when you're not, sharing a bed with an eighty-year old, hair thinning, narcissistic asshole version of Chief Irons from Resident Evil is really going to make it any better?"
I knew this conversation was bound to happen as I grew increasingly frustrated.
"Who?" Regina's head tilted quizzically at me. Of course, she didn't know who I was talking about. I suddenly felt stupid for trying to lighten the mood with not only a failed attempt, but with something Regina didn't even know anything about.
Unless she had a hidden playstation somewhere in this house.
But if you know who I was talking about, you would see for yourself the uncanny resemblance between Leopold and Chief Irons. Minus their weight difference. But other than that, everything else was spot on. And for that, I now had a new level of hatred for this character.
"It's a video game character-" I shake my head, because that wasn't what was important right now. "Never mind." I sigh as I continue on our walk, seeing Regina follow close beside me.
Silence surrounded us as we continued to walk along. And then and there, I decided that the only way to make Regina understand a little bit of where I was coming from, and for whatever other reason that wasn't quite clear to me… I needed to share a bit of myself with her. And with that, I decided for it to be a part that no one knew about. Except my mom, David and myself. And maybe my friend August, but he only knew little of it.
"My dad used to hit my mom," I say without lingering on the thought any longer. Our walk halted once more, and Regina was staring at me with surprised, wide eyes. "She used to hide it from me when I was little, or she thought she would, but… Somehow, I always knew. And it didn't help that we didn't live in a mansion like this. We lived in a two bedroom apartment where unfortunately the walls were pretty thin." I give Regina a sad smile.
I hated revisiting that part of my life. But it was part of me, and nothing would ever change that. And for whatever unknown reason- maybe to provide Regina with some peace of mind- I don't know. I wanted to share it with her.
"The difference between my dad and Audrey's dad is that, mine- he didn't care if I knew." I pause and tighten my jaw. I feel it flinch. "He would drink a lot, and he was out of work, constantly frustrated. My mother was a teacher, and the only one bringing home any money, so you can imagine how much that affected his ego."
My mom was always an independent woman. And that's what my father hated the most about her.
I watch a single tear run down the corner of Regina's eye.
"And when he wasn't hitting my mom, he was hitting me. Of course, my mom would take most of the hits to save me as a kid." I take a moment to swallow down the lump in my throat, as if I was gulping down my anger that I still felt for him sometimes. "But once I grew older… I vowed to always protect her from him. And I did. But, that's another story for later."
Regina remains silent, and I can't help but wonder what she could possibly be thinking.
"Audrey doesn't know anything about this, so," My voice trails off.
"It'll be our secret." Regina finally says, and I smile in gratitude. "But, if I'm going to keep your secret…"
Of course. I give a nod. "You have my word. What happened last night stays between us."
"Thank you," Once more, Regina reaches out to give my arm a squeeze in gratitude.
"But, I can't promise you I won't punch his teeth in, the next time he tries something toward you." I tell her this so we are in the clear of things. If there was a next time. If I saw one single bruise on her body, I wouldn't think twice.
I hear Regina laugh a little at this, and I don't take offense to it. She was probably not used to anyone standing up to her, or even willing to stand up for her.
"What, are you going to sleep outside our bedroom door every single night?" She asked me with a small smile playing along her lips.
That's an intriguing idea. "If I have to." I smirk lightly, locking eyes with Regina as she's looking right into mine.
Suddenly, Regina shakes her head and brushes back a strand of her hair. Could she not tell I was serious? If she couldn't tell a second ago, I could tell she could now, judging by her tone of voice as she said, "Ms. Swan… Don't be absurd."
"You know, I've come to the conclusion that if we're going to keep each other's secrets here- you and I- I think that qualifies us as friends." I am quick to reply. Because whether we knew too little or too much about each other already- I wanted to be her friend, most of all.
I couldn't explain it. Regina fascinated me since the first day I met her. And I didn't just see her as Audrey's mom, even though I should. There was just something so magnetic about Regina that I couldn't make sense of it. Yet.
And after knowing what I know… It was in my best interest to want to protect her.
Someone had to.
"Friends?" Regina's brow lifts and she smiles at me, baring all teeth. "You want to be friends with your girlfriend's mother?"
I can't help but roll my eyes at that, in a playful manner. Regina was so much more than that. "Alright, first off- yes, because there's nothing wrong with wanting to be your friend. I very much want to be your friend here, but not if you're going to keep referring to yourself as 'your girlfriend's mother,'" Regina laughs at this, and the sound of her laughter goes through my ear canal and travels deep down into the pit of my stomach. "And after having saved your life last night, I say I've earned it."
Lucky me, Regina's smile widens as she says, "Very well."
"And secondly, if we're going to be friends… I think that's enough qualification for you to start calling me Emma." I realized I was probably pushing my luck, but I didn't lose anything trying for it because I had already gained her friendship.
However, to my surprise, Regina's smile widens more than I thought it could, and I can't seem to look away from her eyes as she looks right into mine. Last night, Regina's eyes were filled with sadness and fright. Today, they were filled with a sparkle behind them that was almost magical to witness.
You had to be there. But I swear, I had never seen a most beautiful pair of eyes.
"Very well, then. Emma it is."
I smile and hold out my hand. As Regina looks at my outstretched hand, she doesn't hesitate to take it as we shake on it. "Emma Swan." I present myself, starting anew as if we were just two people meeting for the first time, who just happened to casually run into each other. Or were brought together by a tragic event that ended in a beautiful friendship.
Again, Regina isn't shy to smile, and I can't look away. She really should smile more often. "Regina…" She pauses for a moment as she shakes my hand, looks into my eyes and finishes with, "Regina Mills."
Mills. That was her surname. It suited her. Regina Mills.
This was bound to become a beautiful friendship. I felt it in my heart as Regina and I continued to shake hands, looking into each other's eyes as we did. Whatever words had been exchanged last night had been mended, and I couldn't feel happier about it.
And as I continued to shake her hand throughout that time, I couldn't help but feel an electric shiver run up my spine. But in a good way. In a way where you just know you have connected with someone on another level.
It was magical.
I couldn't help but wonder if Regina had felt the same way, too.
