A/N: Late night, weekend update, that couldn't be posted earlier due to interruptions, but here it is! Tomorrow, there shall be more on this version of this story. For those of you who have read the third-person one, you know what's in store. Happy reading and a Happy weekend to all! :)
Chapter 15: Regina
My cheeks turned redder than red as I lightly patted them. Of course I wasn't under the impression that Audrey and Emma didn't have sex. What couple on this day and age didn't? And I wasn't one of those mother's who would certainly be scandalized by the thought of them having sex right now, just a few doors down from my own bedroom. It was Audrey's bedroom. And both were old enough to do as they pleased. I guess, I just never imagined that I would ever walk in something so personal and private. Especially between my daughter and her girlfriend.
At least both Emma and Audrey seemed to have been completely oblivious to my almost walking in on them. That was good! I breathe, shaking my head, trying to rid myself of the image of Audrey straddled along Emma's lap. As her mother, my stomach twisted with embarrassment for having walked in on them. A part of me almost worried about the what if they saw me? But they couldn't have seen me. No. I shake my head. If they would have seen me, they wouldn't have continued.
Sleep. That's what I needed. I needed to lose myself in a good book and go right to sleep. Asking Emma how she was feeling- which judging from the intimate display with Audrey, I'd say she was feeling a whole lot better- could always wait.
I crawl into bed, happy to be alone within the sheets again, reach for my latest read along my nightstand.
I'm lost.
Two days passed since my almost walking in on my daughter and Emma- I shake my head. Stop thinking about it! They are a couple. It's the most normal thing for them to want to show affection to each other. I repeat to myself.
It was so different seeing a sensual scene in your head while reading it off the pages of one of my books, rather than walking in on one. Leopold hated the thought of keeping a television in the house, therefore, I had never seen anything like such on a film or a show. Well… Once, when I had entered my teens, my father used to love watching his soaps on the days where he would be home, and I would always see the two protagonists falling in love and sharing a kiss or two. I can't even remember any of the names of the soaps my father used to watch.
My mother hated them.
But even what I remember seeing as at thirteen didn't compare to how Audrey and Emma looked two nights ago. It wasn't that I had enjoyed watching through a cracked door. I closed it, in fact without them realizing it to give them more privacy. The last thing that I needed to happen was for them to think- for Emma to think- that I was spying on them like some controlling mother. Or worse, have Leopold come home and actually walk in on them.
It was a 'wrong place, wrong time' type of situation that I wished I hadn't witnessed, but did.
And I wasn't going to be the first and certainly not the last mother to witness such things. And it was okay. I just needed to engrave myself into my book, and forget about it. With Leopold constantly working and arriving late most nights, and Audrey and Emma out for the night, I certainly had enough time to take in the quiet of the house and easily lose myself.
Sidney had lit a fire along the fireplace, which is when I would most like to curl up along the couch in the living room- with my book- and drift away. Away from the only sad and lonely life I have ever known and lived.
Hours passed- I'm not sure how many- and the sound of muffled laughter and a shared conversation caught my attention, ripping my eyes away from the words along the page. Emma and Audrey were back. They had gone out to enjoy a movie together. I was thankful they had decided to go out these past nights, ever since Emma began to feel better and better. I didn't mind their company in the slightest. Certainly not Emma's. But ever since almost walking in on them, I honestly couldn't bring myself to look at either of them in the eye. Especially Emma.
For these past two days, I kept my contact with Emma and or Audrey to a curt level. Emma would say hello, smile at me in passing- I'd do the same. I know Emma felt there was something off, but how could I even begin to talk to her about something so personal?
Even if Emma and I had agreed to be friends. And as mature as Emma was, I was still older than her.
Let alone, I was Audrey's mother.
I tore my eyes away from my current read and looked over the arched entry, where you could see part of the stairs. Emma and Audrey's laughter grew louder. Audrey's eyes are on me as soon as they walk into the house, hand in hand.
"Hey, mom!" Audrey was positively beaming as she entered the living room with Emma. As she should be.
"Hi, dear." I give them my best smile before looking back down at the opened pages of my book. "How was the movie?" I ask.
"It was good!" Audrey beams again as her gaze turns lovingly in Emma's direction. Emma shares a smile with her. "Definitely can't go wrong with a film that has Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in it."
I wouldn't know. How sad was that? At my age. However, through my sadness I allow the corner of my lip to tilt upward into a small smile. "Sounds like you two had a lot of fun." I look back up from my book. "Well, there's dinner if you two are hungry." I inform them.
"No, actually, we just came back to get my purse," Said Audrey. "Alex and Amanda texted and they want to get together tonight for some dancing at a bar. Is that okay?"
"Why wouldn't that be okay, dear?" I chuckle at the fact that Audrey still checks with me anytime she wants to go. I wave them off. "By all means, get out of here. The night is young and so are you two." I turn back to my book. I don't have to look to know Audrey and Emma were smiling.
"We'll see you later tonight, then." I look up as I feel Audrey lean into me. My body's normal reaction is to slightly flinch, but I hide it by placing a kiss in return to the one Audrey places along my cheek.
"Have fun." I murmur under my breath, giving my attention to my reading. I hear Audrey and Emma's footsteps as they rush out of the living room and head up the stairs. After that, everything goes quiet again. Serene. Nothing but the crackling of the fire could be heard, and that's how I liked it. No Leopold. The corner of my lip rises into a private smile shared only with myself as the thought of Leopold not coming home tonight calms me.
If only every night could be like this. I sure did miss Leopold's work trips. Specifically one that would have him fly halfway across the world, farthest from me as possible.
"Hey, mom," my attention is ripped from Audrey as she sits along the couch beside me. And what she says next, shocks me. "Emma and I were just talking, and we think you should come with us."
"Come with you, where, exactly?" I blink, frozen.
"Dancing, of course!" Audrey grins to stifle a laugh from erupting.
Dancing? I start to panic. Emma and Audrey want me there with them? "Oh, no-" I am quick to protest against that idea, shaking my head rather quickly.
I can't even imagine myself dancing. And if Leopold were to find out- Oh, God. Let alone the small fact that I didn't know my left foot from my right. I couldn't possibly embarrass Audrey like that in front of Emma or her friends. Let alone embarrass myself.
But, Audrey never accepted no for an answer. A trait she picked up from her father. At least, I was relieved to say that my daughter had my best interest at heart. "Come on! Why not? You can't tell me dad never took you dancing!"
The words Leopold and dancing didn't belong in the same sentence. Never mind the fact that Leopold wasn't much of a dancer. But the only dance we did share was at our wedding. And even then, I remember him telling me how 'tacky,' he thought it felt. His word, not mine. The only reason Leopold ever went alone with dancing in the first place was because he was a very traditional man.
Of course, that was something Audrey would never know. What Audrey did know, because I deemed it so, was that I was never a good dancer.
"I'm not big on dancing, Audrey- you know that." As I say this, I turn my attention back to my book. Hoping that'll be the end of this discussion. "Besides, your father will get home and if he doesn't find me here…" I almost want to say it. "He'll worry."
Truth was, Leopold expected to find me home at whatever time he arrived. And if I wasn't here when he arrived… Well, let's just say the outcome of his temper knew no limits.
I catch an eye roll out of the corner of my eye from Audrey, followed by, "Come on, mom! You never get out of the house. Emma and I just want you to have a good time." She says.
I chuckle as I place my book aside. I needed to get out of this, by all means. "You are going with your friends and your girlfriend, dear. You don't need me there. I'm sure you and Emma will have much more of a good time without me being the third wheel."
Not to mention the last thing I wanted was to be there, to witness another display of affection between my daughter and Emma. My cheeks threaten to burn as thoughts of Audrey straddling Emma's lap bloom in my mind as if I had just walked in on them all over again.
"Hey," As if summoned, Emma appears, entering the living room with quick steps. Handing Audrey her purse. "We ready?" She asks, her eyes looking over at me, then at Audrey, expectantly.
"It's not about being a third wheel, mom!" Audrey scoffs, and looks over her shoulder at Emma. "She doesn't want to come."
I see a frown form along Emma's lips, her eyes are on me. "Why not?" She asks, and my heart sinks.
Does Emma really want me there? As I wonder this, I also wonder why.
"Yeah, why not, mom?" As I am about to reach for my book, Audrey is quick to snatch it from me. I glare in disapproval. "Come on. Come with us." She wasn't backing down from this.
"Audrey," I chuckle, "What would I possibly do there with a bunch of twenty-something-year olds? I will look ridiculous!" And that was putting it lightly. Not to mention, I would make a complete fool of myself. I feel my cheeks grow warm at the thought.
"Okay, first of all, you aren't ancient, mom," she rolls her eyes again. Something she got from me. "Secondly, I think you are hot for a forty-year-old- which isn't even old to begin with."
Now my cheeks burn, and even more so once I turn my gaze directly to Emma, and I see her brow lift.
"Come on. Come with us. We really want you to just get out of the house. We won't be out all night, I promise. Dad will never know."
Yet, there was a chance that he could know. Leopold had eyes everywhere when he wanted to. I would love nothing more than to explore every possible chance I had been deprived of when I was younger. But, to do it now? And behind Leopold's back? That was a haunting thought. And yet, staring into Emma's eyes as they looked back at me, almost daring me to come along with her and Audrey tonight was surprisingly encouraging and liberating at best. Not to mention I did feel horrible for not speaking hardly a single word to Emma for the past two couple of days.
I sigh in defeat. Seeing as Audrey had no intention of backing down from the idea of me going along tonight, I gave in and nodded. "Very well, then." I chuckle more to myself as I shake my head. "I can't imagine what fun I could possibly have going with you two, but if you insist."
"Yay!" Audrey throws herself on me, wrapping me up in a tight hug, and placing a kiss along my cheek that felt a little too rough for my liking. I catch Emma flinching a little, as she's aware of my slight discomfort.
Once Audrey sits back, I say, "Give me a moment, I'll just go get ready." I stand from the couch and begin to make my way out of the room.
This is crazy! I think as I head upstairs. I can't feel my legs, and my breathing was turning hitch, I was sure I was entering another panic attack. What was I thinking, accepting their invitation out for dancing? Dancing! I don't dance. I've never danced. I was simply setting myself up to be laughed at and be viewed as a fool tonight. Audrey would be embarrassed that she ever invited me, and Emma would be laughing at me.
My father, however, was an excellent dancer. I can recall one memory where I was still a small child. My father allowed me to step along his feet as he invited me in for a dance. That was one of my favorite memories with my father. One of the few that I always carried in my heart.
I enter my bedroom and march straight for my walk-in closet, and I stare blankly at every article of hanging clothing. What did one wear to a night out dancing? Surely, nothing too elegant. This wasn't some cocktail party like Leopold liked to attend. This was a club. A club! I chuckle at the thought of me, so out of place, in a crowded club filled with people dancing all over the place. Oh, God. It was going to be crowded.
I hated feeling crowded.
No, no. This was absurd. I marched out of my closet, deciding to stay here for the night, where it was safe and quiet. Leopold would never know because I didn't intend on going. But, then Audrey's smiling face, excited by my acceptance, defeated me once again.
The last thing I would want to do was disappoint her. Or Emma, for that matter. Emma seemed surprisingly happy that I would be accompanying them tonight.
But, what to wear? Surely there was something suitable. It wasn't rocket science.
Take Emma, for example. She seemed to be going comfortably in a pair of tight jeans- she seemed to own a lot of those- one of her many plain long sleeve shirts and of course, her leather jacket, which I was beginning to suspect was Emma's favorite item of clothing on her. I smile at the thought. While Audrey settled on her own pair of jeans, a red loose blouse and my denim jacket.
Simple. I could do simple. I did simple whenever Leopold wasn't around and far out of town.
I owned a few pairs of jeans, but most of them were for riding. Not exactly suitable for a club. God, saying or even thinking of the word 'club' made me feel so ridiculous all over again. I shuffle through my clothes, inside of my closet and a blue dress catches my eye. I pull it out to inspect it closely. Not a bad choice. I've only worn this dress once, and that was for a charity event Leopold forced me to attend. Of course, he hated the dress, because he didn't deem it elegant enough.
Maybe he was onto something. After all, 'not elegant enough' was what I was going for. Simple. And this dress was simple. Plus, the thought of wearing something that wasn't to Leopold's liking made me smile.
I was already being a little daring and rebellious going out tonight while he was away at work. Why not sweeten that streak with wearing this dress?
I change as quickly as I can.
As I am done, and struggling to zip up the dress all the way from the back, I hear a knock at the door. "Come in," I urge whoever it is. "Oh, Sidney, thank God," I breathe.
Sidney's look is what I imagine my own looks like as he sees me in this dress. He's as surprised as me with the fact that I'm going out.
"Help me with this dress, will you, please?" I finish up touching up my makeup- but not too much- as Sidney quickly steps up to zip up my dress. "Thank you." I tell him. My eyes look over to him through the mirror before us. "Now, Sidney, be honest with me."
"Aren't I always, ma'am?" Sidney smiles kindly.
"Is this dress too much?" Me going dancing tonight was already too much.
Sidney's eyes observe me for a moment, and for that moment I think maybe it is too much. I will have to change into something else. "I believe you'll turn some heads tonight, ma'am." He tells me, and my head tilts quizzically but I smile. "You look lovely. But, then again, you always do."
I smile, "You don't have to be so flattering."
"If you ask me, ma'am, I'm not being flattering enough." Said Sidney. There's honesty in his voice, as always.
I sigh as I turn back to face the mirror. A run my fingers through my hair. "This ridiculous, isn't it? I- I'm ridiculous. What am I possibly thinking in accepting Audrey's and Emma's invitation out for dancing with their friends?" I chuckle, shaking my head. My heart is beating so fast, I can hardly keep up with it.
"No, ma'am. If you ask me, you deserve this night out. Besides, people your age dance. Everyone does."
"Not me." I face him once more. "Sidney, I've never danced before in my life. You know that. I'm going to make a fool out of myself."
Sidney picks up on my bundle of nerves, given that his hands rest along my bare arms, soothingly. "You will be fine." There's promise in his eyes that I find hard to believe. But I believe in his smile. "I very much doubt that Ms. Audrey, let alone Ms. Emma will ever let you make a fool out of yourself. You look fantastic. Now, go. Enjoy yourself."
"What if Leopold comes home?" I ask, feeling the fear settle at the pit of my stomach. "You know he won't like it one bit if I-"
"You'll be with Ms. Audrey. He never says no to her." Sidney smiles. "You look spectacular."
I smile, my cheeks flush a little.
"I'll clear dinner before calling it a night." Said Sidney.
"Thank you, Sidney. You're always so good to me." I give him another smile before I exit my bedroom. My heels thump heavily along the carpeted floor and down each step of stairs I take. "I'm sorry to make you two wait, but I wasn't sure what was appropriate to wear." I announce my presence, spotting Emma and Audrey at the end of the stairs.
Audrey pulls away from their embrace as her eyes turn to me. She grins. "Mom! Look at you! You look hot!" She says.
My only response is to smile.
"You are going to have everyone eyeing you." Audrey doesn't catch the blush settling along my cheeks as she quickly turns to Emma, who's eyes hadn't moved from my sight either. "Doesn't she look hot, Em?"
My eyes look to Emma, who from the looks of it, she wasn't even blinking. It made me wonder if I in fact did look as good as Sidney and Audrey stated. That or Emma would disagree and she didn't like how I looked at all. Maybe the dress was too much.
Audrey's erupt laughter not only startles me, but Emma as well. "See? Even Emma here needs a drool cup." Audrey teases, draping her arm loosely along Emma's shoulders.
I blush as Emma does.
"Sorry," I hear Emma mutter. She finally tears her eyes from me to give Audrey an apologetic smile.
"Shall we go?" Audrey asks, and I see a nod from Emma, followed by her holding open one of the front doors. Audrey exits first, and I follow. As I pass Emma, our eyes meet for a brief moment and I nod in gratitude. She nods right back and smiles. I notice her lips are a little dry, but I don't ask why.
When we arrived, I was surprised how loud the music blasted as we entered through the double doors. It wasn't extremely loud, but this was all new to me. I had never been in a place such as this, with people mingling all over the place, dancing all around us as we walked by. Other drinking. I spot a couple making out nearby a wall, and my cheeks flush. Truth was, I would spend more time cooped inside the four walls of the home I called my own to even remember that actual couples, who were in love, would display signs of affection, such as kissing for everyone to see. The crowd becomes a little overwhelming for me as I walk right behind Audrey and Emma, as they walk hand in hand, leading the way that I'm sure was all too familiar to them by now.
Some of the lights that flashed throughout the club were a little too bright for my liking. There were moments where the music would blast a little too loud. And I discovered that if you weren't careful or watched where you walked, people could bump into you. That was my least favorite part about accepting this invitation. I caught a few pairs of eyes looking directly at me, noticing me, noticing my dress. It was overwhelming and a little unsettling. I wasn't used to the attention.
I also learned that in a place such as this, everyone was in their own element.
"Hey, how are you tonight?" A man greeted me, raising his glass toward me with a smile.
He wasn't the only one. A few others would greet me as we entered and made our way further in. I would simply nod and smile, but I wasn't looking to interact with anyone. Especially not a stranger.
"Audrey!" I hear a voice shout, but I can't quite see anyone through the crowds and waves of people.
"Babe, there's Alex!" I notice Audrey waves, and this time I spot one of her friends, sitting along a back booth. Alex. I remember Audrey mentioning her, but I hadn't had the pleasure of meeting them. That was about to change tonight.
I catch Audrey attempting to drag Emma over to where her friend is sitting, but before I could keep up, I see Emma stop as she says, "You go, I'll order us some drinks." I look around, feeling more and more out of my element as Emma turns to me. I noticed Audrey had already reached what would be our booth for the evening. "Are you okay?" Emma asks me, my eyes glancing down as I feel her touch, like as ever, holding onto my forearm.
I question if Emma could tell that I am beyond nervous to be here. Did it show?
I look up to find Emma's gentle eyes staring into mine. "I'm sorry?" I lean in, unable to fully understand her question well, given that the music was a little too loud.
Emma leans in next, "Are you okay?" She asked me again. I can't look anywhere but in the direction of Emma's eyes. I came to notice, as we stand this close, that the lights shining brightly around us make her eyes stand out more.
I nod, leaning in a little further, "It's a little crowded. I feel like I shouldn't be here. Tonight should be about you and Audrey." I said to her.
Any other girlfriend of Audrey's would agree with me. Anyone else would not be keen to the idea of my tagging along like some third wheel. But, Emma wasn't just any other girlfriend.
To my surprise Emma smiles, shakes her head and says as she leans in, "I'm actually glad you're here, Regina." Emma was the perfect girlfriend. For Audrey.
"What?" I feel my face scrunch up on me.
"I'm glad you're here." Emma repeated as we both stand patiently near the bar.
"But, my husband won't be when he finds out, I'm afraid." I frown. Angry at myself for worrying about what Leopold would do or say to me if he found out I was here. Leave it to me to sabotage a night that was supposed to be fun. I notice a small frown form along Emma's lips as I lean in, "Especially in this dress. People are looking at me." I look around, catching a few eyes on me.
I watch Emma do the same, looking around for a moment, her eyes darting fiercely over to someone in particular before she turns back to me. I can't ever imagine Emma angry, and yet I've seen the anger behind her eyes. When she discovered my deepest, darkest secret on my abusive lifestyle. And when she confided in me about how her father used to abuse her mother and herself the same way.
But to my surprise again, as Emma leaned in, her voice was relatively calm, "You can't blame them." She says over to me. "Audrey's right, you look hot. For a mom." She shrugs, and for some odd, unknown reason, I blush harder than I ever had before. I can't explain how Emma could always make me blush so easily. Maybe it was just her way. I smile in response, hoping the few shades of darkness that surrounded us could hide said blush. "Besides…" Emma continues, leaning into me. "What Chief Irons won't know- won't hurt him, right?"
"I suppose," I chuckle. Emma and her nicknames. I still had no earthly idea where that nickname came from or what Emma implied with it. I do recall her saying it was from a video game of sorts, but I trust that if she nicknamed Leopold by that name- it must be a pretty bad person. I liked it; Emma's ability to find humor in things. Her way of finding a nickname for everyone.
"What are you getting tonight?" A bartender approached us, and Emma was quick to order two beers. One for herself and one for Audrey, I suspected. "And, um, get the lady here a…" Emma turns her attention to me, allowing me to decide what I want to drink.
I lean into the bar, "An apple martini, if you have it."
I was already here, breaking about a thousand of Leopold's rules- I might as well enjoy what could possibly be my last drink.
"Coming right up." The bartender slapped the bar top with his entire palm before walking away. A gesture I didn't appreciate. But, it wasn't his fault. He didn't know about my slight PTSD situation, or mistrustings in people.
"Excuse me," I hear a voice beside, feeling a light touch along my arm that gathers all of my attention. Another thing I don't appreciate? Is being touched or grabbed by strangers. As I turn, I see a well dressed man, black pressed pants and a blue pale shirt, tucked into his waistline. Dark hair, clean shaved. Late thirties, or possibly around my age. His smile was boyishly charming. Brown eyes wrinkled at the corners as he smiled at me. His eyes drinking in the sight of my dress and possibly my body. Something else I wasn't comfortable with. But again, I had to remind myself that no one- except Sidney and Emma- knew what I went through on a day to day basis. "Can I buy you a drink?" He offered.
His offer surprises me. So much that I can't respond. How do you respond to a drink invitation as such, anyway?
But just as I'm about to respond, Emma is blunt enough to step in, standing in between us. I watch as she leans into him, whispering something in his ear that completely wipes the smile off of his lips. I can't be sure, but I think I could make out him saying something like, 'oh' followed by a 'sorry' that came from Emma as he calmly walked away.
What on earth just happened? Emma doesn't explain. She simply walks back to lean by the bar as she helps herself to a sip of her beer.
"What on earth did you say to him?" I finally ask. My brows knitted as I leaned to be closer to her.
"The truth," Emma shrugged. "That you are a married woman."
"Well, that's very honest of you, dear." I don't hold back a chuckle. "But, I think he'll eventually realize that I'm not here with anyone, but you, my daughter and her friends." I state the obvious.
"True." Emma nods, enjoying another sip of beer before she says, "Which is why I hope you don't mind that I told him a little white lie, and said you were married to me."
My eyes grow wide as the word surprise compares very little to the feeling that settles around me. Why would Emma lie about such a thing? The next thing I hear doesn't help matters, much less the feeling settling inside the pit of my stomach. Emma releases a rich laughter, that even through the depths of the loud music and rumbling floor beneath our feet, it fills my ears as the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Emma's laugh was so rich and carefree.
"You didn't-" A sound settles in the back of my throat that I had never made before. "You do realize, Ms. Swan, that I could be your own mother." I state the obvious, yet again.
"Thank God, you're not- otherwise this would be quite awkward." Said Emma, and I don't quite catch her meaning. But I'm also too afraid to ask what she means by that.
"But, I am Audrey's mother." My brow lifts, and I am quick to catch a smirk playing along Emma's lips as she brings her beer bottle close to them, lingering it there. It's a playful smile. A smile that doesn't fail in making me smile as I shake my head in defeat.
How can she do this? How was Emma able to make me smile so easily without being afraid to do so?
"Here you are, apple martini." My eyes look away and I smile at the bartender in gratitude as I reach for my drink. "Thank you," I tell him, taking an immediate, but light sip as my eyes turn back to Emma who begins walking away. I am quick to catch up, seeing Emma tuck one of the beers between one of her arms and breast pocket.
"Here," as I hear Emma's voice, my eyes look down between us as if they knew where to look, and I am surprised to find Emma's outstretched hand before me. Inviting me to take it. Just as my eyes lock into hers, she says to me, "I wouldn't want to lose you inside this crowd."
My free hand lingers, hesitating for a moment, but evidently I give in, reaching for Emma's hand with a bit of fear. I feel a wave of electric current drive up my spine as I feel Emma's fingers lace right through mine. As I watched them perform their action, it was as if the moment her fingers wrapped along mine, keeping them secure within her own, it all happened in a shot of slow motion. I had never held anyone's hand before. This is how it feels? My heart was ridiculously accelerating inside my chest, threatening to jump out from behind my throat, and my palm was sweaty. How embarrassing! Even more embarrassing when I felt a flush creep up my neck and sit along my cheeks, making me hope that Emma couldn't and wouldn't notice.
Her fingers lock along mine in a very secure but yet gentle manner as she guides me along the crowd. I hold onto my drink as well as possible as I follow along to every quick step Emma took. Hoping not to trip, let alone embarrass myself further more by spilling this drink all over myself. Or worse- all over Emma!
So warm. I dared to smile a little as I watched my hand and Emma's tangled along the other. An unknown feeling began to settle along my stomach that made me all the more nervous. As if for dinner, I had actually swallowed a jar filled with butterflies, which were continuously flapping inside of my stomach. Strange.
As we reach what would be our table for the evening, Audrey is quick to smile warmly at us. Emma's hand releases mine as we've reached our destination, and I can't help but feel the cold, empty absence of it. "Thank you, babe." Audrey says to Emma before placing a kiss along her cheek. I smile and sit beside Emma as she takes a seat beside Audrey. "Alex, Amanda, this is my mom." She introduces me.
"Hello." I nod and give each girl a kind smile.
"Hi!" Alex waves in my direction. Her smile warm and welcoming.
"Audrey, you didn't tell us your mom was hot!" A blush creeps up on me as I hear Alex say this. "Do you dance, Mrs. White?" She asks me, and as I look to Audrey, my eyes fall on Emma's surprised and lifted brow.
"Oh, no," I shake my head and chuckle in response.
"I'd be happy to teach you." Alex grins my way.
"Hey, eyes to yourself, Alex," Said Emma, giving off a warning glare that for a moment I could say looked pretty serious. But it couldn't be serious. And yet… What if it was? "A guy already tried buying her a drink back at the bar, so I had to tell him your mother and I are married." She explains this to Audrey. And as her eyes go wide, I feel utterly embarrassed.
Laughter surrounded us from Audrey, "Guess you gotta look elsewhere, Alex." She says jokingly before turning to Emma. "And you… Leaving me for my own mother?" She fakes a gasp. "I am shocked!"
Emma shrugs playfully as she grins. I notice a blush settle along her cheeks as she takes a sip of her beer. Our eyes meet momentarily across the table.
"Hey, let's dance, huh? That's what we're here for!" Amanda slides across the booth until she stands, followed by Alex, and then Audrey.
"Yeah! Come on, Em, let's dance." Audrey grabs hold of Emma's hand and I watch her slide out from the booth, neglecting her beer bottle along the table. I stay seated and catch Audrey's eyes on me. "You want to join us, mom? We'll all dance with you."
"Oh, no, you all go ahead. I'll be alright here." I assure them with a shake of my head.
"Are you sure?" Emma asks me.
"Yeah, come on, Mrs. White, dance with us." Amanda practically begged.
"No," I chuckle with no desire to make a total fool out of myself. "There is no way I can dance to this." I look over to the dance floor and catch a couple dancing quite provocatively with one another. Even if I could dance- it would never be to whatever this was. This wasn't my type of dancing. I preferred something less provocative, something slow. Romantic.
"You sure?" Alex asks this time.
"I'm sure. I'll be fine here. Go. Enjoy yourselves." I give my best smile, thankful once they've all scattered away, getting lost immediately within the crowd. I take a sip of my apple martini and glance down at the time along my watch. Leopold wouldn't be home yet. Thank God. I relax.
Suddenly, I hear one surprising voice in my head, 'what Chief Irons won't know- won't hurt him, right?' I chuckle and shake my head. I swear, Emma lived rent free inside my head. And just as I hear her words echo inside of it, my eyes spot her red leather jacket, standing out from the crowd. She was happy and smiling happily along with Audrey as I observed them quietly from where I was seated, occasionally taking small sips from my drink.
I was thankful their way of dancing wasn't provocative as the couple I had spotted minutes ago- thank God. Audrey and Emma's way of dancing was carefree and it actually looked like fun. It almost made me sad that I was missing out, but they were here together and wrapped up in their own bubble of happiness- as a couple who loved each other should be.
And I had to admit to being impressed with Emma's skillful dancing. Of course, anyone could dance better than me, but I doubt anyone could out-dance Emma. I was surprised to see how well she carried herself along the dance floor. Audrey was one lucky girl for having someone like Emma in her life, sharing her same interests. And I couldn't be happier. Emma was even luckier.
"Excuse me," a voice interrupts my thoughts. My eyes look up, surprised to find a different man, younger than the last one, smiling down at me. "Do you want to dance?"
"Oh," I breathe out, looking over toward Emma, who's eyes are on me. "Sorry," I hold up my engagement ring that doesn't fail to shine before him, as I remember the little white lie Emma told earlier. "That's kind of you to offer, but I'm waiting for… my wife." I lie, too.
"Oh," The man nodded. "Got it. Sorry to bother you." He smiles and waves at me as he walks off.
I released a breath, happy that at least this ring had been good for something tonight.
A new song begins to play and I am just swallowing down another sip of my martini as Audrey, her friends and Emma all join back at our table.
"You dance so well!" Alex compliments Emma, wording out my silent thoughts.
"Thanks." Emma smiles proudly- as she should- as she slides into the booth until she is seated again next to me. I feel her knee brush with mine as the space becomes tight again. "Are you okay, do you need another drink?" She asks me, noticing that my martini is almost done for.
"I'm fine, thank you." I shake my head and smile. I don't drink a lot, never have. So if I did, I knew the consequences I would be left with.
"Hey, Audrey, come to the bathroom with us, then we'll go get more drinks." Said Alex.
"You want another beer, babe?" Audrey asked Emma, who immediately shook her head.
"No, I'm still good." Said Emma as she lifted her bottle, which the alcohol inside of it drew the line on half, right down the middle. She takes a sip, breaking that line down to half empty.
"Okay- we'll be right back." Audrey waved at us and took off with Alex and Amanda who had already been standing.
I look toward Emma's bottle as she pushes forward. She's careful with her drinking, too. I smile at that because clearly, she looks out for those whom she cares about. Like Audrey. Emma is the type of person who thinks of others around her first rather than for herself first. Yet, another amazing trait to add to my Emma Swan List.
"I'm grateful." I wait until Emma's eyes lock into mine again. "You seem to make Audrey very happy."
"Well, I must be doing something right, otherwise, you wouldn't be saying that." She chuckles before taking another sip from her bottle.
"You're a good dancer." I let her know, still surprised by just how well she could dance. "I didn't think you would know how to dance so well."
"My mom used to be a dance teacher before she transferred to teaching music to blind kids." Emma replied, taking another sip.
To blind kids? Like mother, like daughter, clearly. I chuckle, "She sounds like a saint. Is that how you turned up the way you did?"
It is then, I notice just how much I missed getting to talk to Emma this way after those two days of being a little curt with her. Emma was easy to talk to. So easy, I had almost forgotten the feeling.
Emma smiled and shook her head, placing her bottle along the table. "I'm far from being a saint, Regina. I just act like one to get your approval in dating your daughter."
I blink as my eyes turn wide. It takes me a moment to realize that this was Emma's way of attempting at humor until I hear another rich laugh escape her. "You're joking, aren't you?" I still ask just to make sure.
"Yes, I am." Emma nods and flashes one of her best smiles my way. A smile that speaks volumes and stills my heart. "Just trying to get you to lighten up a little. I want you having fun. Don't worry about your husband at home."
Was my discomfort that obvious? I shift along my seat for a moment. "Easier said than done, dear." I murmur under my breath, taking the last sip off of my martini.
We remain silent for a good moment. I can see Emma thinking about something, but I can't be sure of the source behind her thoughts. Possibly Audrey. Seems quite logical to me. Although, her eyes were lingering on me for quite a long time. Longer than I was comfortable with. But I couldn't dare ask why or what she was staring at. My eyes stare back, and I notice her drowning down the remainder of her beer. "Thirsty?" I ask, breaking the silence.
I witness her throat bob as she swallows hard. "Yeah, dancing will do that to you." Her eyes lingered along the crowded dance floor as a new song, I don't recognize, started blasting through the speakers. My eyes watched along the crowd, watching the different ways people danced. I feel Emma's gaze on me again, and confirm it as I look over to her. I don't have to say anything to know a question lingered behind her eyes.
Just one drink, and I could tell how Emma's eyes had changed from a light sea green color to a slightly darker gaze. It reminded me of the way Leopold's gaze would change whenever he had a drink too many. But, Emma was different. So different. There was no hatred behind her eyes, no malevolence of any kind. Toward anything or much less anyone.
Emma's eyes were kind, warm and welcoming to Regina. She may be a little direct with her choice of words sometimes, and said it like it was. But that was a trait Regina wouldn't change about Emma. Ever.
I welcome her to a smile, feeling it pull along the corner of my lips once she catches me staring. Emma then turns to look over her shoulder as I look back along the dancing crowd.
"Wouldyouliketodance?" I give my attention back to Emma as I am able to her question, but unable to understand it.
"Pardon me?" My brows furrow quizzically as I lean in just a little.
I watch Emma's tongue poke out past her lips, wetting them before she repeated her question, "Dance," she nods her head toward the dancing crowd. "I was just wondering if you'd like to dance."
Oh. "With you?" I didn't mean to sound so shocked, but the truth was, I was. Emma asking me to dance had never crossed my mind as a possibility waiting to happen tonight. My shock was too much that if the tone in my voice didn't give it away, my raised brows surely had.
Emma chuckled, her body relaxing, which I hadn't even noticed it had tensed up to being with. "Yes, with me. Unless you rather dance with that tall, bald guy who asked you earlier?"
I'm sure I make a face as Emma laughs a little. A laugh that makes me feel more at ease with myself, surprisingly. Or maybe it was my one martini, giving me a splash of courage. "I hate to disappoint the wife that I gained just a few minutes ago, but you don't want to dance with me."
If only that one martini could give me the courage necessary enough to say 'why, yes, Emma. I would love to dance with you. Thank you for the kind and generous offer.'
"Oh?" Emma's brow lifts as her body leans casually along the seat, her arm extended so far out, I'm surprised when I don't feel so boxed in. Not by Emma. Not like when Leopold caves me in the way he always does.
I feel a wave of shame creep up my cheeks. Shame because I would have to explain to Emma that I have never danced before in my life, and I would only embarrass her if I accepted her graceful offer.
"Hey," I catch the delicacy to Emma's tone of voice. As delicate as her touch felt as her thumb lightly brushed along my shoulder. She's sitting so close to me. Close enough, I can pick up on the scent of her sweet perfume, along with the leather from her jacket. It was quite intoxicating. "We're friends, right?" She asks me, distracting my eyes and causing them to look away from the way her thumb danced along my skin.
Why didn't I mind it whenever Emma touched me? Emma had this way of touching me that frightened me. But not in a way that made me want to run away. Something that was unknown to me.
"We are," I nod in affirmation, sighing in defeat. I feel my teeth capture my lower lip, biting down on it. Emma's eyes don't move from me, and I can't look away. Suddenly, the music blasting around us didn't sound so loud anymore, and the place felt vacant as Emma sat in this close proximity to me.
What was happening?
"I'm afraid I can't…" No sense of hiding it. If Emma and I are to be friends. I sigh. "I don't know how to dance. To this."
"Is that it?" I hear a chuckle escape Emma and I watch as she abruptly stands from her seat. She stares down at me. "Well, you're in luck, because you just happen to be talking to one of my mom's best dancing students." She holds her hand out to me, expecting me to take it.
The absence of her previously holding my hand lingers as a reminder, burning along my palm and in between my fingers. But, I'd have to be crazy to accept, step out on that dance floor and attempt to dance. "No, Emma, I- I really can't-" My eyes grow wide and my voice catches in the back of my throat as the next thing I know, Emma is taking me by the hand and forcing me out onto that dance floor. "Emma! No! I can't! I'll just embarrass you!" Panic settles in.
"Regina," Emma is standing just a few feet from me. The soft tone in her voice, delicate and sweet, invites me in. As does the gentle look in her eyes that I can't look away from. What the hell did they put in that martini? My own thoughts are muffled by Emma's next choice of words. "Don't be ridiculous, okay? You could never embarrass me."
She said I could never embarrass her. Those uninvited butterflies flapped inside my stomach. I wish I could believe that.
"Now, to dance this, it's simple. Okay?" I nod and she smiles, giving in to the fact that this was actually happening. Here. Tonight. In the middle of this rumbling dance floor, and in the middle of thousands and thousands of unknown faces. Possibly expecting for me to fail. And there wasn't a single thing I could do about it. "You can dance this separately, or together- which I prefer. So, I'm going to take your hand…" I feel Emma's hand slip so easily into mine and my newfound pets- the butterflies- are back in action. Flapping so loud inside my gut that I can hear it along my ears.
I never noticed before just how soft Emma's hands felt. Had they always been like this?
"Just watch me, okay? Watch my feet." My eyes look down to Emma's feet, watching as she instructed me to do. Her feet follow the beat and rhythm to the song so well, with such ease it leaves me in awe. How on earth did she expect me to do that? Better yet, how was she such a good dancer, for crying out loud?! "Watch my hips now." I couldn't stop watching even if I tried. The way her hips easily began to move to the rhythm was insane. And it didn't help the butterflies in my stomach as they seemed to like Emma's dancing, too. "Move with me now, like so."
Oh, God… this was really happening… My nerves skyrocket as I begin to move my feet, trying my best to follow not the song's rhythm, but Emma's. I felt so out of place. This wasn't me. I felt as I looked- like a fool. Dancing wasn't made for me. And me stepping over Emma's foot was engraved proof of that. A sealed fact.
"Ow-" She takes a step back.
"I'm so sorry! My eyes grow in horror, and I cup my hand along my mouth. "Are you alright? I'm very sorry! That was stupid of me!"
"It's okay, I'm fine." To my surprise, Emma chuckles. She wasn't mad, but amused. Who becomes amused by such a thing?
"No, it's not- God, I told you I can't do this, Emma!" I turn on the balls of my feet, ready and willing to walk away. But as I do, the feeling of Emma's familiar hold as her hand finds mine once more, halts me.
"Hey, no. Come on. You did nothing wrong, Gina. Okay?" As I turn back, I am greeted not by anger, but a kind smile erupting from Emma's thin lips. I can't look away. How was she okay with this?
Gina. That was my nickname for me. A nickname Belle occasionally used, but only her. I never imagined hearing it fall from someone else's lips. Let alone Emma's. To her, I always think she sees me as Audrey's battered and bruised mother, who is in desperate need of a good time and a friend or two. God, that's pathetic. Bile rises to my throat that I immediately swallow down. Emma didn't see me that way. She couldn't. The look in her eye spoke something different. But, what?
"I promise you, look," I see Emma shake her foot for clarification that nothing had been broken. It was still a perfectly good foot, ready to dance the night away. Unless her mutilated toes were dancing along the inside of her shoe as she shook it and she didn't want to tell me. "It's fine." She clarifies once more, as if able to read my mind. I hear her chuckle, "Here," and then I am surprised as she bends down on one knee before me.
What was happening now? My eyes stare in awe. "What are you doing?" I ask, feeling startled as I watch Emma's hands reach over to my feet.
"I just want to try something to make it more comfortable for you and safer for me." A small smirk is visible at the corners of her lip. There's that hint of humor again. I look around, finding a few prying eyes staring our way as I look down again to find Emma's hands undoing the straps of my heels, removing my shoes one at a time from my feet. My cheeks burned crimson once more.
Although, Emma didn't seem to care. She rose to her feet, reaching my eye-level again as she stood before me. Without my heels, I noticed a slight height difference between Emma and myself. I was five-five. Emma was at least five-seven. You notice the difference as you are standing in front of a person and you find yourself staring up at them while they are staring down at you.
"Wait here, I'll be back." Said Emma, walking away with my shoes hanging along her fingers, for a minute and leaving me in the middle of the dance floor. Now what? Upon returning, I notice that she is without my shoes and without her leather jacket. I can only assume she left them back at our table, along the seat as I had lost her along the crowd and could no longer spot her. "Okay, now you should be able to dance more comfortably." She tells me, moving bluntly, a little closer, closing a little of the space that's between us.
I gasp as I feel Emma's left hand land along the right side of my hip. Had it been Leopold doing this, I would have slapped his hand away or tried making a run for it by now. But I couldn't. Not with Emma. I just remained perfectly still and allowed her to begin guiding my hips to the rhythm of the music.
"Move just like this, but loose- relaxed…" I catch her eyes watching my hips and I make sure to move them to the best of my abilities, as instructed. I must be doing something right as Emma began to nod, smiling down, and said, "Good. You got it." I smile a little, catching the own movement of Emma's hips begin to follow mine, easily playing catch up.
Before I know it, and to my surprise, I am actually enjoying myself. I- Regina- was dancing! Allowing Emma to guide me through the rhythm of the music as the artists sang her heart out along the club, around us. Before I knew it, Emma was dancing with me, around me, guiding me, drawing me out and pulling me back in, occasionally spinning me. So fast and so quick, I was actually smiling.
I couldn't believe how much fun I was having. And with Emma. Who knew, she was as great of an instructor as she was a dancer? Let alone that I would be a great student?
This was one dance, sure, and probably would be our only one- but that didn't matter. I was dancing! Actually dancing!
As Emma drew me out and pulled me in again, every single time Emma would have that action with me, it made me notice our height differences to which my hand landed right along her bicep at some point. Enough for me to notice the muscle tone right over the cotton fabric of her shirt. My mind tried so hard not to remember her arms I had seen them, but I failed. However my eyes remained trained on Emma's, if not her smile.
As the song we currently danced to ended, a new one began. A slow one this time. One I didn't recognize.
"You did it! You danced!" Emma beamed at me as I smiled. Her eyes looked down to my smile, as my eyes looked down to hers.
"I couldn't have done it without you." I brush back a strand of hair behind my ear. My chest heaving breathlessly.
We stand there a moment, and I take in the gentle guitar strum followed by the singer's voice as he sings out the first set of lyrics. Beauty queen of only eighteen, she had some trouble with herself. What was this song? Whatever it was, Emma seemed to recognize it as her eyes lit up and she was fighting back a smile. She looked a little nervous again. Just as she did before asking me to dance earlier.
"Um," I watched her throat bob once more, swallowing down some saliva as she moved in, taking over our personal space. Did she want to dance to this? With me? I stood still. Absolutely still as I watched her hand grab mine. She had a way of moving toward me that didn't frighten me at all. And it certainly didn't make me feel overly crowded or attacked.
I watch her hand as it takes mine into her own, before my eyes lock with hers again. A small smile pulled at the corner of my lip, letting her know that if she wanted to dance this- it was okay. I wanted to dance whatever this was, too.
"Mom!" Audrey's voice startled me just as it startled Emma, and the contact of her hand within my own is lost, leaving me with that cold and empty space. I blink, smiling as Audrey pulls me into an embrace filled with excitement and happiness. "You were so great! I saw you dancing!"
I chuckled, returning Audrey's hug. "Thank you. But Emma was the great one- not me." My eyes find Emma's along with a smile stretching along her lips. I wasn't sure, but I could also see a hint of disappointment lingering behind Emma's gaze.
"She is pretty fantastic, isn't she?" Audrey beams at Emma, as she should- as her girlfriend- her arm links with Emma's as their hands join together. "Come on, Em- dance with me. I love this song. Oh-" Audrey turns back to me. "You don't mind if I steal your dance partner, do you, mom?"
I find Emma's eyes trained on me, as mine are trains on hers. But, how could I mind? Why would I mind? Emma was, after all, Audrey's girlfriend. And even if Emma never once made me feel like the third wheel tonight- I had to remind myself that at the end of the night- that's what I was. "No," I shake my head as I flash Audrey a reassuring smile. "Of course not, dear. You two go, have fun."
I move within the crowd, leaving Emma and Audrey to their shared moment. Yet as I throw a glance over my shoulder, I am surprised to find Emma doing the same, her eyes looking my way with that hint of disappointment shining within them that I didn't want to read too much into tonight. Or ever, for that matter. Especially since not only the butterflies in my stomach had stopped, but my hand began to tingle from the absence of Emma's hand in mine, and my heart was no longer beating as fast as it was.
I smile over to Emma, enough for her to know that it was okay. I watch as she dances with Audrey, and how happy Emma seems to make her. And that's all that matters. It's all that should matter. As Audrey's mother I should feel filled and content that my daughter was with the right person. A good woman that felt for Audrey what Audrey felt for her.
So, then why- frighteningly so- did my heart not feel the same way?
