A/N: As always, thank you to all who review, even as I am re-writing this into both Emma and Regina's POV's. It makes me happy to see you have grown to love this story so much that you all actually look forward to how each character felt throughout this entire journey, and looking forward to bonus material that I wish I had added to the third-person version. Once again, for those of you haven't read the third-person story yet and find yourselves here- go back and read the other first. Happy reading! :) Stay tuned for more updates!
Chapter 17: Emma
It's amazing how much a day can change within minutes- seconds even. I go out for a run this morning, trying to clear my mind of the fight I had with Audrey, regarding her father. To deal with my anger toward that bastard Leopold that I felt all over again last night, after seeing him and Regina through the window of their bedroom from the pool area and I am greeted with a slap to the face by Regina. Which stung like hell, let me tell you.
I didn't mean to explode on Audrey the way I did, attempting to make her see reason over her father's animalistic behavior, resulting in her not wanting to see reason. But I was angry. Angry at Audrey for being so fucking naive. Angry at Regina for not wanting to fight harder against bastards like Leopold White. Although, I can understand Regina's fear a little more, given that my own mom didn't leave my father right away either.
Hell. It took her a good while when we met David for her to accept a date from him.
I remember my mother telling me she was still a little afraid on their third date. But that when he kissed her- ever so patient of a man that David is- all fear went out the window. Because nobody- not even my father- had ever kissed her the way David did.
I'll admit, even though I liked David right off, it took me a while to trust him, too. But he earned his keep and his place within our lives and our home. All three of us, we work. We can read people. And I have learned some amazing things thanks to David. Like I said to Audrey during our heated fight, David has been more of a father to me than the bastard who helped conceive me. Something along those lines. David is my dad.
He's led a tough life, and I guess that's why he and my mother clicked so well upon meeting. True love and all that.
Point being. I'd like to think that Audrey could be my true love. The thought has crossed my mind, but… Lately… I don't know what it is. I just know I question it. And it's not because she chooses to turn a blind eye and not see what happens around her. Because Regina was right. I know Audrey and I know she doesn't work well under pressure. She's all fun and games, and I do love spending time with her and the relationship we've shared together, but Audrey isn't the type to look beyond that.
Her suggesting we move in together during the first few days we had arrived in Boston drove me for a loop. I can't say I was expecting such a proposition from her because even marriage is far from Audrey's mind. But then again, marriage is on a more serious topic. A topic I wasn't ready for either.
I could see myself living with Audrey, sharing an apartment for lack of a better word. Did I see myself and Audrey together, forming a family and possibly walking down an aisle someday?
I'll have to get back to you on that.
Right now, my focus wasn't on Audrey. But on her mother. Regina. I'll admit I had fucked up trying to make Audrey see the truth about what goes on inside this damn house between Regina and Leopold, and I deserved that slap. I really did. I never thought it would come from Regina, but hey- shit happens, right? She had every right to be mad at me, and I had every right to be mad. Not to mention, tensions rose once Audrey came out of nowhere just as I was revealing a bruise along Regina's neck. I can't imagine how that might've looked from far away. But right now that didn't matter.
"Emma?" Audrey stood before Regina and me, almost a witness to our little argument. What did she hear, exactly? She awaited an explanation. From either of us. But her eyes were focused on me.
"Nothing, dear." Regina smiles at Audrey, and she looks me in the eye before she walks over to her. With that look, I already knew Regina wouldn't say anything to Audrey about the truth. "Ms. Swan and I were just talking about what happened."
Audrey looks at me again, then back at her mother.
I could do it. I could stand my ground and expose everything right now. But I think of the worried, angry, and fearful look in Regina's eyes. That broken look, like on the night I saved her from drowning to death and I just know. I have to bite my tongue.
"Yeah, I was…" This was stupid. "I was trying to explain our fight to her since she was worried, and…" I look into Regina's eyes and they are begging me. My heart melts, and I can't say a thing. All I could think about was that I needed to keep Regina from any harms way, and came up with, "I thought I saw a spider on your mom's scarf." Right on the spot.
Regina gives off a certain look, but ultimately is happy I've decided to play along as now I, too, become an accomplice to fooling Audrey into believing everything is fine. She smiles at Audrey.
"But, you hate spiders, Emma." Said Audrey.
Hate meant very little when it came to fucking spiders. Audrey knew this well, of course. "Well, regardless, you think I'm going to let one roam around in your mother's scarf?" I placed my hands along my hips as my eyes moved to Regina. "What if it was poisonous and it bit her?"
Regina and I share a moment as we look at one another. Like a secret message is sent between us with just one stare, and I know that she knows in that moment, that I wasn't talking about the spider. There was just that level of understanding. Something I didn't have with just anyone.
"Well…" Audrey pauses. "Good." She chuckles, her eyes still looking between myself and Regina. "Because for a moment there, it felt like there was a lot of sexual tension."
Sexual tension- between Regina and I?! My eyes are as wide as Regina's and I freeze. Audrey was known to be a kidder, of course. But I still couldn't help and feel under the spotlight regarding that comment, and judging from the red shade Regina's cheeks took, she couldn't either.
"Oh, God- Audrey, honestly." Regina breathes and I see her shake her head. "I'll leave you two to talk. I'll be inside." She places a kiss along Audrey's cheek before walking toward the house. My eyes don't move from Regina as I watch her and I can tell her hand stings. I know this because my cheek stings along with it, so much that I massage it a little before I turn to face Audrey.
"I have to head inside, too. I need a shower." I tell Audrey, brushing past her. Truth was, I needed to cool down for a little while. Especially since I was still fuming from last night, from this morning, from the whole ordeal.
"Emma," I feel Audrey's hand grasp my arm. She's still angry, I can tell by the look in her eye, but her voice pleads me to wait.
But I don't want to wait. I don't want to talk about anything right now. My anger grew as I realized, how on earth could Audrey be so blind to what goes in her own mother's life? Audrey has never been super observant to what goes on around her, unlike me. That was one thing. But, Regina walked around with bruises for crying out loud! How can anyone ignore that?!
"I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry about the things I said to you, about… Your dad." Audrey cringes at the memory of our argument as I only grow more and more upset by the minute.
Audrey knew that my father wasn't in the picture. She knew he was in jail and the story behind my mother's and mine's abusive situation. Not every single detail, but some. I really don't like talking about how dark our past used to be. For example, what Audrey didn't know was that I had placed my father in a coma after I had had enough and launched at him for striking my mom. Come to think of it, the anger I felt then was the same type of anger that lingered in me right now.
I only wish Leopold was here so that I could take it out on him, instead of Audrey or Regina by lashing out at them. But, knowing me, I'd probably put the bastard in the hospital, too or worse. Then again, that might be the best thing for everyone in this house. Especially Regina.
And Audrey knew about David and how he was more of a father to me. Audrey had spent a week with me back in Portland, my home town, last summer. But as official as my relationship with Audrey had become, I didn't really give her much time to spend with my parents. We were still relatively new and I thought it too soon to officially introduce her to them.
Audrey also knew well that I hated discussing anything related to my past or my mother's. And the night that we argued she dared to bring it up, and it just angered me. I couldn't even look at Audrey right now.
"David is my dad, Audrey." I say matter-of-factly. My eyes staring in the direction of the house the whole time.
"I know," I see Audrey move toward me out of the corner of my eye and feel her hand cup my cheek. She turns my head so that our eyes can meet. I can see she feels bad because of our fight, she's sorry- and I am sorry, too. But I wasn't ready to talk about it. "I know he is, and I'm sorry. I should have never said those things to you. It's just that," she sighs and her head dips. "When you started making accusations toward my dad, I… I couldn't handle it. Okay? He really is a good man, Emma. Really."
For the love of God- I want to chuckle but instead I exhale rather loudly, letting Audrey know of my clear state of annoyance and aggravation. I'm about two inches taller than her, so as I stand before her, I am looking slightly down, eyes locked. There is so much I want to say right now regarding her so-called-perfect-father. But I can't. I won't. Audrey only saw what she wanted to fucking see. That much was clear. And Leopold, he went as far as lying to his own flesh and blood to appear as a good man before her who wouldn't dare hurt a fly. When the truth of it was- the man was a fucking predator with his sights set on Regina, ready to pounce at any moment.
Fuck. I blink hard as an image of Regina being held against her will, underneath that son of a bitch crosses my mind. Because that's what happened last night once the curtains to Regina's bedroom closed. And no one could convince me of anything different.
"I have to go shower," I walk past Audrey again, marching right toward the house. Only to see her step in front of me to prevent me from going any further. God, Audrey. Just let it be. I really didn't have the energy for this right now. I was too angry and could say or do something I didn't mean.
But that's not who Audrey was. Audrey didn't know when to let things go.
We've had fights before this one, in the past. What couple doesn't? And every time we did, I could tell you that she was the first one to say she was sorry. She was always the first one pouncing on the source of our fight, eager to try and make everything better. Honestly, I didn't always know how to handle that side of her. I can't say if she loves me that much that she can't dream of ever seeing me angry, or if Audrey sometimes has no regard for personal space. Maybe both.
"Well-" Audrey sighs. "Look, I don't know what your beef is with my dad, but I'm sure whatever it is, you can work it out."
Are you fucking kidding me? My eyes lock on Audrey's, "Audrey, really? I think it's safe to say your father does not like me. And you know what? Honestly, I'm fine with that. I don't care." I shrug.
I don't care. As far as I was concerned, Leopold White could get hit by a damn car and I wouldn't shed a tear over it. A man like Leopold didn't deserve any sympathy. Especially when he didn't give a shit about those around him. I had earned Regina's trust and approval. Her friendship. And that was more than enough for me. Although, I doubt after today, Regina would find it in her heart to forgive me.
"He likes you, Emma." I can't help but snort at Audrey's blind assumption. That upsets her, but I was too fucking angry to give a damn. "He does! He just… Has a hard time accepting the fact that we are together. But, after we move in together I know all that will change."
Christ. I sometimes wondered what world Audrey liked living in.
"People like your dad don't change, Audrey. You'd know that if you just opened your eyes a little bit. Maybe then you would see above the horizon." I yank my arm away from her grip and walk away with no intention of looking back.
As I storm into the house and am on my way up the stairs, however there is one thing that stops me dead in my tracks. Or rather- someone. My eyes find Regina as she stands near the window of the living room, her eyes locking into mine as they prevent me from moving any further. For the life of me, I had never experienced any pair of eyes do that to me before. It was strange yet, I was willing to comply, no matter how angry I felt in the moment.
"Don't worry. Audrey thinks this whole ordeal is because I think your husband doesn't like me." I said with a hint of anger in my voice.
"Thank you." Regina gives me a curt nod.
My jaw tightens and I feel it click. I shake my head, "You know this is ridiculous, don't you?" My eyes never look away from Regina's. "Audrey may be naive, but I think eventually she will put two and two together. Because people like Leo always tend to slip up one way or another. You can't protect her forever, Regina."
My words cut to the quick. Like a razor blade, so sharp even I feel the bite of its blade. And I can see it in Regina's eyes, she is hurt. And suddenly, I hate myself for hurting her. I hated being angry. This wasn't Regina's fault after all. It was mine. She looks down at the same palm she struck me with and I feel the sting all over again against my cheek. I can tell she hates herself for hitting me, and I want to tell her not to hate herself. I want to tell Regina so many things right now. But it wasn't the time.
I finally realize that it isn't a shower I need. Okay, maybe I do- but I also realize I can't stay here. Not while I am still boiling from last night. Regina didn't deserve this fucking miserable life. This role of a battered wife who was so much more than she let on. I just wish she could see that for herself, but she won't.
"Emma…" Regina's voice is raw with emotion as my name brushes past her lips. "I'm sor-"
"You know…" I jumped right in with news of my own, breathing my words out. I chuckle, "I think I need to just go home. Clear my head from all this shit that goes on inside this house."
I watch Regina's demeanor change before my eyes in the blink of an eye. Her eyes grow a little wider and her lips part, and my heart aches all over again. What is happening to me? Other than my own mother, Regina's broken expressions strangely always find a way to get to me in a way that is unknown to me.
"You're leaving?" Regina blinked, and I could hear a hint of sadness in her voice.
Before I could answer, Audrey marches in, breathless, eyes wide just like her mother's. "What's going on?" She asks, eyeing Regina and then me.
I take a minute to ponder what I had just told Regina myself. But ultimately decided that it's the best thing I could do. For all of us. For myself. To that decision, I turn to Audrey and don't hesitate to say, "I'm leaving. Today. I- I need to go home."
"What?" Audrey breathes out, almost ready to sob, her eyes wider than I'd ever seen them. "Leaving?"
My eyes look to Regina again, seeing that broken look take over her eyes before I storm up the stairs. I hear Audrey's hurried steps behind me but that isn't enough to make me stop. I was determined and sticking to my decision. "Emma! Emma, wait a second- what do you mean you're leaving? Why? Why are you leaving?" Her voice falls on my deaf ears as I continue to walk.
I storm into the bedroom next, marching straight for the walk-in closet and reach for my suitcase, tossing it on the bed. I can sense Audrey entering, I hear her heavy breathing as she stands right next to me but I don't care. I was not staying. I couldn't stay and continue to witness how badly Regina was being hurt day to day. I couldn't stay and keep growing disappointed in Audrey's inability to see the truth that practically spat in her face.
Was too much carrying around Regina's secrets like a heavy wooden cross along my back? Absolutely not. For Regina- for our friendship- even to salvage it, I would gladly carry her secrets to the grave. To the moon and back. I would travel to space, orbit the fucking planets one by one and crash back down to Earth with them. Which brings me to the peak of my anger as to why I needed to get away for a little while. Regina was such a wonderful mother to Audrey, and she loved her dearly that she didn't deserve to feel like she couldn't trust in Audrey if things ever became really bad for her. Fact of the matter was, even I don't think she could.
Which brings me to my next disappointment. I always knew Audrey to be a little naive about certain things, but never did I imagine the higher level of it. Not with this. And Leopold… I think I needed to keep my own thoughts about him to myself for now.
"Emma, you can't just leave. What about me?" Audrey asks.
"What about you? You'll be fine, Audrey." I reply, picking out a fresh pair of clothes to take to the bathroom with me before I hit the road. As I pick a pair of my jeans out of my suitcase, something catches my eye. A book. Not just any book. The Odyssey. My brows furrow at the sight of it, and I wonder in silence when in the world did this book make its way into my luggage? I don't remember keeping it at all. I remember placing it back after I had written Regina that thank you note. So, why was it here?
Audrey is so worried and overwhelmed by the news of my departure that she doesn't even notice it. "Not without you here, I won't." She tells me, "My plan was to bring you here to spend the summer with me, so that you could finally meet my parents, remember?" I toss one of my shirts on top of the book, covering it up as I turn to face Audrey. "Em," she holds her hands before me, her eyes are on the brink of tears as her voice breaks along with them. "Please, don't go. Okay? Please, I- I don't want to break up here over a stupid fight."
"I'm not breaking up with you over a stupid fight." I shake my head. "I'm not breaking up with you, period."
"Well," Audrey takes a step back as I take a step forward, blocking my way, preventing me from leaving. "Then, why leave? I don't understand, Emma."
Apart from my being angry, I honestly didn't understand why the urge to leave either. I just knew I needed to leave. I sigh, trying my best to cool down, "I just… I just have to. Okay? I miss my mom, and I want to see her. That's it." I brush past Audrey, quickening my steps as I head into the restroom. Of course, she's right behind me.
"Well, I'm coming with you." I hear her say.
"No, you're not." I whip around and we are standing in front of the bathroom door now. "You need to stay here, you need to stay with your mom." I tell her. Because not only did I not want Audrey to come with me. But, I couldn't fathom the idea of Regina staying in this fucking house by herself, without anyone around to protect her.
At least with Audrey around, I knew for certain Leopold wouldn't dare harm her.
Of course, Audrey scoffs at the idea, even if she doesn't know the truth behind it. "Emma, my mom is a grown woman, I'm pretty sure she doesn't need me here."
That angers me all over again. "She needs you more than you know, Audrey. Now, can I shower, please? I have a long drive ahead of me." Before Audrey could say another word that I did not want to hear, I quickly marched into the bathroom and shut the door, locking it behind me.
I take a moment to myself, draw in a breath while pressing my forehead against the door. My eyes close and as they do, the only face, the only pair of eyes I see are Regina's. Looking back at me, pleading me not to leave. Truth of the matter was, I didn't want to leave. But I had to. But most of all, I didn't want to leave Regina here alone, unprotected. Because she would be unprotected. Audrey would never be able to keep her safe. Not the way I could.
Shit… Regina really had this unknown way of deeply affecting me, and I couldn't understand why.
After that glorious shower that I wished was enough to wash away all of my anger, my thoughts, I step out of the bathroom, fully dressed in my choice of clothing. Audrey isn't in the room when I come out of the shower- thank God- and the house feels quiet. I walk across the room to open up one of the drawers in Audrey's bedroom to reach for the clothes I decided to keep there. And as I'm packing, I hear a light knock along the door frame of the opened bedroom door.
"So, you're really leaving, then?" I hear Regina ask as she steps into the bedroom.
Christ. Even Regina's voice is enough to make me stop what I'm doing. "I just need to clear my head." I reach for my camera bag and pack it up.
"From what?" Regina asks. "Because this isn't about Leopold, Emma. Is it?"
How the fuck can she know that? No. It wasn't about Leopold. This was something else. If only I knew what it was.
"Oh, so now I'm Emma?" I chuckle defensively as I stare at Regina. I didn't mean to take that tone with her, but I honestly couldn't figure out what the fuck was going on and it scared me. "Whatever happened to Ms. Swan?"
I see that my words cut through Regina once more. I can tell from the look in her eyes. Shit. Now, I was hurting her. Nice going, Emma!
"Look, it doesn't matter, anyway," I grab my suitcase in one swift. "You aren't ever going to trust me again, so…" I rush past her next, heading toward the door.
"Emma-" I stop as soon as I hear her speak my name. Fuck. "I don't want you to go."
I turned around, my brows furrowed. "What?"
"I don't want you to go." Regina repeats her words. "If you won't stay for Audrey- then stay for me."
Where was this coming from? My brows wrinkle deeply. Regina wanted me to stay… But, I couldn't stay… "I'm sorry. I can't." It pained me to say the words out loud. But it pained me more to walk away, leaving Regina inside that room all alone.
I rushed past Audrey who was standing outside the bedroom door. I hear her follow behind my every step. "Babe, you can't leave." She follows me down the stairs, pleading me to stay. "Please, Em. If you miss your mom that much, then go pick her up and bring her back here."
"Audrey," I turn on the balls of my feet, whipping around. My eyes look up to Regina who was climbing down the steps behind Audrey before I am looking directly into Audrey's sad eyes. "I just need to clear my head, okay? I'll probably be back."
"When?" I feel Audrey grab my arm as I am about to turn back around. "Emma, you've never been this mad before. If you are going to break it off, just say so."
I roll my eyes a little, "I already told you, this isn't me breaking up with you. I just really need to be alone right now." I look over Audrey's shoulder and my eyes lock on Regina's for a minute. And I am hoping that my eyes can say what I can't even understand myself.
I head down the stairs next and out the door. I reach for my keys inside my jeans pocket and load up my back, tossing it along the seat before mounting my car. I drive away, seeing the mansion behind me become smaller and smaller as I drive father and farther away from it.
I'd been driving around for hours with no particular destination in mind. Maybe at some point I thought about driving home, which was an hour or so away, but that would only result in my mother pestering me with questions as to why I was back early from my summer break, and honestly… I didn't have the energy for that right now. So I drove. And drove. And drove some more. Until nightfall.
It began to rain, but I could still see through the windshield of my car. And all I could think about was why did I leave her behind? Why did I leave her alone? Guilt was eating away at me. Regina's disappointed look, behind her glossy eyes, was eating away at me. I couldn't get them off my mind. My hands tighten along the steering wheel, and I couldn't help but feel that if there was anyone in this world that I would ask to come with me- it would be Regina.
I wondered what she was doing at this very moment.
Maybe she was with Audrey. Maybe they were out there looking for me. Maybe not. Was Leopold home? Surely he would be glad that I was gone. Would he hurt Regina simply because Audrey was now miserable due to my absence? Would Audrey tell him about our fight?
Shit. Suddenly I realized where I had fucked up. Regina had been right. I had betrayed her trust. Not only that, but it was possible I could have gotten her in trouble with that piece of shit Leopold, simply for opening my big mouth. Fuck! My hand slams against the steering wheel so hard it hurts.
I was worried about Regina's safety. That's what was eating away at me. So why didn't you ask her to come with you? I shake my head. I want to muffle out my mother's cries of the time she was going through abuse, but I can't. I hear them loud and clear. I hear Regina's. I see the sadness in her eyes, pleading me to stay. So why didn't I?
I'll tell you why… Because I would have killed him.
Had I stayed, had I not left to cool off first, things would have ended in disaster. Not for Audrey. Not for Regina. But for him. For Leopold. That was the truth.
I wanted to punch his teeth in. Break his jaw probably. For all the years he hurt Regina. Suddenly I felt this sense of protection over her. This urge to turn back and be with her. Crazy, right? How I was dating Audrey, yet the one I really wanted to turn back for was Regina.
It was crazy. I was crazy. But, I could hear her screams, I could hear her pleading him to stop hurting her, to stop hitting her, to stop- Stop! My foot slams along the brake pedal and I am thrown forward, gripping onto my steering wheel and listening to my tires screech loudly along the pavement. I manage to pull over to the side of the road, hearing a loud honk come from the car that had been driving beside me as they rush through. I hear the rain tapping loudly along the roof of my car, along with my elaborate breathing.
Just breathe.
"Shit," I mutter, reaching for my suitcase, which luckily I decided to toss along the backseat instead of sticking inside of the trunk of my car. I search for my phone, finding it nowhere, and I realize… I left it back at the house. Shit! I didn't need my phone to survive, but I knew that if my mom called and I didn't pick up, I wouldn't hear the end of it for an entire year. My mom being an easy worrier and all.
The rain picked up and I decided it was best if I waited it out a little. It was raining cats and dogs and I couldn't see shit through it. Still, I had high hopes of maybe finding my phone within my clothes. I had been so angry, I didn't realize what I had or had not tossed in there, so maybe it could still be there. I pull on the zipper, opening up the flap and my hands begin to search. And search, and search, and search some more… Until they stumble upon The Odyssey. And Regina comes to my mind.
How did this even get in here? I reach for the book and flip through its pages, halting until I see a pink sticky-note placed within. As I reach for it I see elegant cursive writing, marked with clear blue ink.
Thank you for making me feel alive again.
Regina. The note was from her. She left it. I knew it. You couldn't convince me of otherwise. Not even Audrey left me notes. I breathe out a smile, feeling it curve along the corners of my lips, as well as something happening deep inside my stomach. It was like a volcano had erupted within. A feeling I couldn't comprehend.
"Fuck me," that was enough. This note was enough to make me fight against the rain, make a goddamn U-turn and drive back.
What was wrong with me?
How was it possible that Regina had this pull, this hold over me that I couldn't leave her alone. Because I couldn't. No one else would protect her like I would. And I would protect her. Even if that meant I had to lose every breath in my fucking lungs to do it. I would protect her.
The rain picks up as I am driving back, but I arrive safely back to the house. My tires screech as I enter the driveway and punch on the brake with my foot as I turn off the engine. Neglecting my suitcase, deciding that I would gather it up tomorrow I exit the car and I am immediately soaked. Drenched from head to toe, walking along the driveway, up the three steps of stairs that take me to the double door entrance. My balled up fist comes up, ready to knock when the door bursts open right in front of me. My eyes are wide as I see Regina standing in front of me, wrapped up in her bathrobe, barefooted with her eyes wide.
Obviously neither of us expected to see one another.
I certainly didn't expect for her to be up this late and be the one to greet me, but you know what? I'm glad it was her. And that beautiful smile that stretched across her lips as she opened the door and saw that it was me who was behind it- made my turning back worth it.
"Emma," I hear her breathe out through her smile. And my name had never sounded more beautiful.
"I forgot my phone." Was all I could stupidly say, but Regina didn't seem to care.
"Thank God, you're alright!" Without a care in the world, or time to worry about how drenched I was due to the rain, Regina pulled me into the tightest hug I had ever received from anyone, ever.
"Whoa," I froze. My arms hovered along Regina's back, careful not to hold her too tight once I allowed them to begin wrapping their way around her. And let me tell you something. Hugging Regina, like I was in that very moment, was the best feeling that had overcome me. My eyes closed for a short minute as I inhaled her in, holding her close as I breathed her. "I missed you, too." I smiled.
I've never felt more complete.
