A/N: I hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July! I know I did. With that being over and done with, I wanted to continue working on my POV's for Emma and Regina in this story. And announce to all of you who don't know yet, that a sequel to this story is in the works, and already being posted. So go on over and check it out if you haven't already. More updates are to come. Stay tuned and happy reading, everyone. :)
Chapter 20: Regina
I needed to control my thoughts. I needed to stop thinking about Ms. Swan- Emma! She wanted me to call her Emma, but me calling her by her name would only make matters worse. I almost gave myself away to Leopold- at least I thought I did- but, whether I did or not, I needed to be careful. Especially around Ms. Swan herself. I liked her… But, how could I like her? And why? Why did it have to be the one person that was strictly forbidden?
Not to mention, there was no chance that she would remotely feel the same way about someone like me. It was impossible! My mind screamed at me every time I thought of a slight possibility that Ms. Swan would be interested. Why would she? She was perfectly happy with my daughter and they were good for each other. They were perfect. It was silly!
Emma was in love with Audrey, as it should be. And I… This… Whatever was going on with me would disappear. I had to make it vanish from my mind. I mean, really, me infatuated with Ms. Swan? My own daughter's girlfriend? That was the cause for a laugh.
Not to mention, Emma was twenty-four years old! Honestly, how much more ridiculous could I feel if I didn't already?
I could avoid her, but how could that be possible when Emma was bound to spend the entire summer here? It was decided. What I needed to do was push this infatuation out of my system. Out of sight, out of mind.
"What do you think of this one?" Audrey flashed her phone in my direction again, showing my one of the many apartments she and Ms. Swan were planning on getting together. It only proved to me that things between them were becoming more serious. All the more reason to stop whatever this was.
I glance at the lit screen, taking in one of the pictures of the apartment. It was certainly better than the others. It was the type of apartment I would want for myself, if I could ever have such a thing. Another silly notion I needed to dispose of.
"I think it's wonderful, dear." I reply, a little absent minded.
"You said that about the last two apartments I showed you, mom." Audrey chuckles. "Are you alright?"
Was I alright? No. I was far from alright. I had just come to terms with feelings that up until Belle's visit, had remained unknown. But now that they were clear, I wasn't sure I wanted them. I didn't want them. They were wrong. And because Emma was a woman- a young woman who was surely way mature than she let on- but still younger than I was. Not to mention forbidden. That was the key word here: Forbidden.
"Of course." I smile a little, quickly turning my attention back to preparing Leopold's meal. "Why wouldn't I be alright?"
"I don't know," Audrey's head tilts quizzically. "You seem… Distant. Like lost in thought."
Because I am. Because everything kept reminding me of what was stirring inside of me. And ever since coming to terms with my feelings- feelings- regarding Emma, everything was turning complicated and I feared it would become too difficult to hide. Never mind Leopold finding out. He would probably kill me and that would be the end of it. But what of Audrey? My one and only daughter that I loved more than anything in this world, and the next. What would she say? What would she do? What would Emma say? God! It was all so conflicting.
I had to fight harder. Try harder to push these feelings aside. This crush. Because that's all this was- a crush. I had never met anyone like Emma before in my life, and certainly no one who was interested in wanting to be my friend. Friend. That's what Emma saw me as, as it should be. And that's how it needed to stay. Friends and nothing more.
"I'm fine, Audrey." I lied as well as I knew how to do. And as my eyes spotted Emma entering the kitchen, my level of fine managed to do what this stupid feeling bubbling inside of me failed to do. Vanish. I was no longer fine, but internally panicking. What if Emma could tell that I-? No! She didn't know. She could never know.
"Hey, babe!" Audrey beamed at Emma's appearance. Yes, I notice my failure of not calling her by her name. I watch as Audrey pulls her close and provides her with a kiss along the lips which Emma responds to. I quickly turn my attention back to Leopold's meal.
"Hey," I hear Emma say, seeing her smile out of the corner of my eye.
"So, what did he want?" Audrey asked, a little worried. Frankly, I was worried too. These chats between Leopold and Emma were becoming frequent and I wondered what on earth would he have to say to the poor girl. And why? I suddenly worried that maybe he could see past my attraction toward Emma. But, no. That was impossible.
At least, I hoped so.
"Oh, you know," Emma shrugs innocently, not fearful at all. It amazed me how she seemed to be the only person on this earth who wasn't afraid of my husband. "Just another one of his fatherly talks."
I freeze as my back is now turned to them. What the hell did Leopold want with Emma? If there was a thing I knew about was lies, and I knew Emma was sugar coating it for Audrey to keep her from worrying. Or to hide the real reason Leopold wanted to see her in the privacy of his office.
I hear Audrey groan, "I'm gonna go see him."
"I wouldn't." I hear Emma interject. "He was still in his office when I left, besides we need to get going if you still want to go to lunch."
My eyes look up from Leopold's meal as I can't help to listen. But I remain silent.
"You're right. Let me just go get my purse. I left it in the living room." I hear Audrey hurry out of the kitchen and I realize she has left Emma and I alone. My heart starts beating impossibly faster as I can feel Emma come up behind me. Normally if someone came up behind me, that would create a stir within me. A discomfort. But with Emma… It made me nervous. More nervous than I'd like to admit.
"Feeling better?" I see Emma out of the corner of my eye as she moves around me, until her hips are leaning along the kitchen counter, beside me. Me, trying to avoid her all I could, or at least to be near her, I quickly gathered a plate from one of the cupboards.
As I set the plate down, my eyes can't help but look into Emma's for a short moment. That short moment was all it took for my heart to burst inside of my chest. They were so beautiful to look at, but so dangerous at the same time. So, I lock my eyes onto the food as I serve it onto the plate. "What makes you ask such a question?" I ask, keeping it short and simple.
"Well," She's silent for a second, and I can see Emma's eyes looking down at my hands as they serve the food onto the plate, before they look back up at me. I wish she would stop staring. But, why should this situation be any easier on me? "This morning you seemed a little agitated by something." Of course she would bring that up this morning. I had been rude once again and with Emma having no fault in the matter. All the fault was mine. My cheeks turn a shade of pink.
"It was nothing." I murmur and shake my head. I quickly move to the other side of the kitchen to retrieve a fork from one of the drawers. And I silently beg Emma to drop the reason behind my rude behavior.
"It sure didn't seem like nothing to me." I caught Emma out of the corner of my eye moving about the kitchen with me, following behind every step I took until I was standing right back where I previously had been. My hands slightly tremble as I can feel her staring. "Did he say something to you?" I hear her whisper.
As glad as I am she dropped the sourness of my recent lashed out behavior toward her, Leopold isn't a different topic I would have wanted to discuss. As I turn to lock eyes with her, unable to look away from them, I sigh. "No." I said.
"Are you sure?" Emma's eyes pierce mine and I have to wonder what could be possibly going through her mind as she's staring into them. As much as I tried to look away from Emma's own eyes, I couldn't. My heart fluttered inside my chest so rapidly as I stared.
"He didn't say anything to me, Emma." I say to her, looking into her eyes against my will so that she would just drop this. "I wonder, however, what did he have to say to you that he needed to do so in private?" I wait for an answer.
"Nothing to be intimidated about." Emma shrugs like someone without a care in the world of what Leopold had to say or thought. There was that spark of bravery. As she smirks, my eyebrow lifts.
Emma's bravery never fails to surprise me, however I feared that whatever Leopold had to say to her, she wouldn't take it seriously.
"Well, let me be the first to tell you, that whatever he said to you- don't take it as a joking matter. Leopold is quite serious about anything he says. Take it from me." I said.
"Well, so am I." Emma replies matter-of-factly, taking me completely by surprise once again.
As much as I try, I can't look away from Emma's eyes as they lock in place, just like I am surprised to see that she doesn't look away from mine either. And I wonder, who will look away first?
"Mom!" Audrey's voice startles us, and I back away, minding my attention back onto Leopold's meal. As my daughter comes running back into the kitchen, I catch Leopold following behind her, calm as ever. "Dad is taking me to Colorado with him!" As Audrey grins happily, I can do nothing but stare wide-eyed at her.
While Leopold, he has a grin on his face. My eyes look at him and he looks back at me. He's leaving. That's all that runs through my mind in that moment, and I know that he knows I am happy about it.
"T- that's wonderful, dear." I put on my best smile for Audrey, but then my eyes look toward Emma. "But, what about Emma?" It dawned on me then and there that if both, Audrey and Leopold were to leave; Emma and I would find ourselves alone in the house.
"Yeah, dad, what about Emma?" Audrey frowns as she moves over to be at Emma's side. "I can't just leave her here."
"Audrey, it's just five days. You'll be back here before you know it." Leopold said with a frown of his own. I can already tell, he hates the idea of having Emma tag along. And that Audrey would only be gone a shorter time than her father.
"But, I couldn't just leave her here." Audrey looks to Emma who smiles sweetly. Emma's sweet smile almost makes me want to smile but I fight the urge to do so. It almost makes me feel bad that I tried pushing for Emma to leave with them. Having Leopold for company could not be pleasant, I know that first hand. But, having Emma here alone with me under the same roof for however many days they would be away couldn't be good for me either.
"Audrey, it's fine." Said Emma, interrupting Audrey. "You heard your dad, it's just five days."
I gathered then that Emma wasn't looking forward to tagging along, feeling like the third wheel, either.
"But, I can't go without you- what will you do for five days along here? You'll be bored."
Emma chuckles, "I highly doubt that." She says. I catch Emma's beautiful eyes giving a glare to Leopold before they fall back on Audrey. "Besides, your dad really wants to spend time with you, and if he's already bought you the ticket, I'd go. Don't waste it on my account."
I would have smiled at Emma's unselfishness, if it wasn't for my level of silent panic settling within me at that moment as this trip was being discussed. Emma and I would be alone. Alone. Without anyone- Leopold- to interject. My heart wanted to jump right to my throat again, but it was held back by-
"Mom?"
I am startled by Audrey calling to me from my panicked thoughts, "Hm?" I can only hum in response, trying to appear as in control as possible. But, I was never in control.
"What do you think?" Audrey asks.
What do I think? I can't think. I look over to Emma, then to Leopold, then to Audrey as I say, "I think it's a great idea to go, sweetheart. Emma is right, you shouldn't waste your ticket."
"I thought you would be pleased." Thank God, Leopold spoke up to Audrey.
"I am!" Audrey smiles, moving over to her father as she places a kiss along his scruffy cheek. "I would love nothing more than to go with you." I see Leopold smile. Audrey always made him smile, easily. "Thank you, dad."
"You're welcome. And look- if it means that much to you-" Leo sighs as he puts on his best smile. Already, I can tell what he's thinking, and he doesn't like it. But there wasn't a thing in this world he wouldn't do for Audrey. "I'll get an extra ticket for Ms. Swan as well."
I should be happy to hear that coming from Leopold, even if I knew his offer wasn't at all sincere. But I wasn't. Emma was a temptation, that much was clear. But temptation or not, I also found myself enjoying her company. And just as Audrey was about to perk up on the idea of Emma joining them on their trip, and I felt myself about to frown at the idea, Emma was quicker to speak up.
"Oh, no," she shook her head. "I couldn't make you do that." She said, and again, I almost smiled.
"It's what Audrey wants." Said Leopold, making his point clear. "Besides, you'll be back in five days." Hearing him say that gave me a sense of peace that he wouldn't be back in five days time. Just Audrey.
"Yeah! Come on, Em!" My daughter on the other hand is ecstatic with the idea of Emma joining them. Her eyes are practically glowing.
"No, I," I catch Emma's eyes give a quick glance my way. I see a light pink blush settle along her cheeks as she does, and I almost want to smile again at the sight. It hadn't dawned on me until then just how adorable Emma could be. My heart flutters at the thought that maybe she wanted to stay behind, too. With me. God, I'm pathetic around her. "I couldn't possibly accept that. Then, I'd have to owe you for whatever you spend on my plane ticket."
"No one's talking about you owning him anything, Em-" Audrey insists and is interrupted by a persistent Emma.
"I know, Audrey. But, you know me. I can't possibly accept any expensive gifts." She looks over to Leopold before turning her gaze on Audrey, who couldn't look more sad. "Besides, what's five days?" She smiles. "You'll be back before you know it."
"Well, if you change your mind, Ms. Swan," Leo replies. "Let me know."
"Thank you, but… I wouldn't want to impose on your father-daughter trip, either." Emma turns her attention back to Audrey and welcomes her into a warm embrace. She takes the back of her knuckles to caress along Audrey's cheek.
As I see them embrace, something stirs inside of me that hasn't before and I clear my throat while I reach for Leopold's served meal. "Your lunch is ready." I force a smile onto Leopold before I scatter out of the kitchen.
I hear Leopold follow close behind, no doubt feeling the discomfort he always felt whenever he would catch Emma and Audrey being affectionate with each other. And for the first time ever, I could concur on that level of discomfort. Of course my reason would be mine alone to know.
While Audrey and Emma continue their display of affection in the kitchen, I set Leopold's dinner along the table before him as he sits. "Sit with me a minute," I hear Leopold say to me as I'm about to walk out of the kitchen and possibly engrave myself in a book. The last place I wanted to be in right now was in this world I daily found myself living in. "We need to talk."
"Whatever about?" My brow slightly rises.
Leopold's eyes glare up at me. "Sit down." He says, and I comply, helping myself to a seat. After he takes a bite and a sip of his wine, he says, "So… It'll appear you'll have the house to yourself while I'm gone."
I say nothing. What could I say? It was strange enough that he wanted to waste his time talking to me. Especially on a trip that was meant for him and Audrey to enjoy.
"I suspect your wondering what I had to talk to Ms. Swan about." He said, not waiting for me to respond as he continued, "I wanted to make sure that in my absence she would respect you."
Respect. That was a word he knew nothing about. I almost wanted to chuckle, but I didn't. "I don't see why she shouldn't do such a thing. Em- Ms. Swan," I quickly corrected myself as I was about to use her first name in front of him. "She's been quite friendly toward me."
"Friendly?" Leopold chuckles, "Yes. I'd say she has." He pauses for a minute before he says- "She likes you, you know."
My eyes give away the panic that settles within me, even when I don't try to hide it. "Whatever do you mean?" I shift in my seat.
"What do you think I mean?" Leopold asks.
I chuckle then and brush back a strand of hair behind my ear, "The girl just wants to know she has my approval to date our daughter."
"Hm," Leopold stares at me, carefully as if trying to figure me out. Or maybe he already had me figured out. "And of course you like her… For Audrey… Don't you, Regina?" His eyes never leave mine.
"Yes," my eyes stared into his. "I like her… For Audrey." I mimic him, and he knows it as the corner of his lip slightly tilts. I don't know what came over me then, to voice out my feelings for Emma, in front of him; even if Leopold was- I hoped- oblivious to them.
"What if I told you… If she was responsible for placing her father into a coma?" Leopold sits back. "Would you still think the world of her? Would you still want her for Audrey?"
Of course, I knew about Emma's father, but only to what Emma chose to tell me. And I know Leopold could see the slight surprise display on my features. "I'm sure she had her reasons." Was all I said about it.
"Oh?" Leopold's head tilts. "And what reasons would those be?"
I shrug, "Perhaps she did it to save her own mother from him. Perhaps the man was a bastard who liked to beat on her. Ms. Swan certainly seems like the type to protect those she cares for. Which makes me feel good. For Audrey." I want to smile afterward, but I hold back. However I'm sure Leopold could see the pleased look on my face.
And if he does or not, he doesn't say anything about it, or my choice of words. He simply chuckles, "Yes. She's certainly made that clear on more than one occasion to me." And it's then, he says something that catches me completely off guard, stripping me bare. "But, do you think she would save you?"
Where was that question coming from? I wasn't sure. At least I hope I wasn't. I honestly didn't want to imagine that Leopold could smell the attraction I was beginning to feel for Emma. Like the animal that he was, I feared that he could. Maybe his conversation with Emma in the privacy of his office leaned toward that, to find out if there was any interest on her part toward me- his property. But that was ridiculous and even I was certain of that. Why would Emma feel such a thing for me?
As to the reason behind our surprising conversation? He was testing me. To see if I had told Emma anything. But, that was the beauty of Emma. I didn't have to tell her anything. No one did. She was wise beyond her years and saw everything.
"Why would Ms. Swan waste her time with someone like me?" I ask, and Leopold chuckles out a sharp breath.
"Why indeed?" He wipes his mouth with the napkin along his lap, setting it along the table. "I owe Audrey this trip. But I don't have to tell you what I expect of you while I'm gone. Or do I?" He frowns. His lips harden into a thin line.
"Of course not." I say with every loath my voice can produce in the moment. "I am well aware of what you expect of me. Dear." I spit the last word out like venom, hoping it'll reach him.
It reaches him in amusement as he breathes out a small laugh. "Good," he nods, stabbing his meal with his fork before holding it up to his lips. "Very, very good." He pops it into his mouth and chews, calm as ever.
"If you'll excuse me," I stand, pushing my chair back into its place, feeling Leopold's eyes on me, following me. "I'm going to go catch up on some reading before dinner." I don't wait for him to excuse me, I simply begin walking away.
"Regina…" I hear him call out to me, and I stop in my tracks without even bothering to turn around. I wait. "Do I need to worry?" He pauses, possibly belching on whatever thought is running through his mind. "About Ms. Swan and you?"
I swallow the lump that forms instantly in my throat, gulp it down along with my heart that threatens to jump out through my throat and out of my mouth every time Emma is brought into conversation. "Of course not. That would be absurd." I said, hoping to God I'd sound convincing enough. And if in case that wasn't convincing enough, "And I know for a fact that Ms. Swan is madly in love with our daughter. She would never do anything to intentionally hurt her."
I didn't realize until now- ever since I came to terms with my feelings for Emma- just how much saying that out loud ached. I wish it didn't ache as much as it stung, but it did. And I hated myself for being unable to deny it to myself.
"I surely hope not." Leopold said, "Because above all, Audrey is the least person I want to be stained by all of this."
I swallow down another painful lump, "On that… We can agree." I say and walk away.
After some much reading time to distract me from what was my life, and being prisoner to these feelings I didn't even ask for. After a quiet dinner where my thoughts seemed to wander off again on occasion, I decided I would busy myself by washing dishes and giving Sidney a break. I could use any distraction that I could put upon myself. But even as I washed dishes, or read a book, anytime my mind had a chance, it liked reminding me of this new feeling. Especially whenever Emma would enter the room I found myself in. Whenever Emma was around me, my feelings didn't seem to have a care in the world. Neither did the butterflies in my stomach, which made sense now why they would come alive every single time Emma was around.
I shook my head, and forced myself to think about something else that didn't revolve around Emma. Leopold and Audrey would be gone. Audrey for only a few days, while my husband… He would be away for two weeks. Two weeks… Two long weeks that were already tasting glorious to me. To be honest, I'd rather he wouldn't come back at all, but I'd take two weeks over no days any time Leopold had to travel. Two weeks without beatings from him, without having to sleep beside him and worry about being woken up in the middle of the night with him on me.
But my short lived happiness turned out to be just that- short lived- as panic began to set in because I would be alone with Emma. I place a hand along my stomach, not caring that it's wet, as the butterflies in my stomach begin to dance at the idea of being alone with Emma. I could be alone with Emma for simply a day and they'd dance like they were now. That I was sure of.
And then I wondered… What if Emma would be interested in me? Could that be possible? Of course not. Even I can't help but chuckle at that absurd thought as I am drying the dishes. It's like I told Leopold earlier, why would Emma be interested in someone like me? 'Why indeed?' I hear his mock in my head. But he had a point. Of course, he did. Why would anyone be interested in someone like me? And for that matter, why would Emma?
Not to mention she was fifteen years younger. Why, the idea of Emma ever being interested in someone like me was in fact absurd. I was no one interesting, nor fascinating for her to like. And there was Audrey. Who was my daughter. And the rightful owner to Emma's heart. The butterflies in my stomach stopped flapping at the thought of their relationship and whatever tickling feeling that they momentarily provided within me was instantly replaced by something else. Something burning, and churning at the very pit of my stomach, shooting its way straight to my heart.
Stop it! I scoff at myself this time, at my thoughts. My absurd thoughts who evidently didn't and couldn't comprehend the need for control anymore. I had lost control of everything. Emma is your friend and nothing more. Nothing more. I repeat to myself, over and over and over, and I would continue to do so until it was the only thing that was engraved in my brain. I don't like her. Absolutely not. She's my daughter's girlfriend for crying out loud! I can't like her. And I most certainly can't allow myself to think that for these past days that it would just be her and I inside this house, I would begin to think that I would have the time of my life with Emma because, no.
I didn't like Emma, and Emma didn't like me. Emma didn't like me. At least not in the way that I hoped she would someday. Someday. What a joke. Someday was a word that didn't exist for me. Because that word was none-existent. For me a someday would never come.
"Penny for your thoughts, dear?" Leopold's voice startles me so much, it causes me to drop the plate I found myself drying in that moment. I hear it crash along the floor, seeing it smash into a million pieces by my feet. A different type of panic sets in.
"I'm sorry." I murmur under my breath and bend down to quickly clean up my mess.
My hands are gathering up the pieces quickly and I hear Leopold's shoes move along the marbled floor, around me until he is standing before me. It's no surprise to find him looking at me, towering over me, not even offering to help me pick up the glass like any gentleman would as I look up at him. But what does surprise me, and startles me for a moment is the reason as to why I looked up. Reason being, his hand tucking underneath my chin and forcing me to tilt my head up. I am almost frightened I had been unmasked by him, and discovered that I was beginning to develop uncontrollable feelings for someone else. Someone strictly forbidden.
"You must be quite happy that I'll be leaving." He says to me with that cold sound in his voice.
I shake my head and force what I know he wants to hear out of my mouth, "Of course not."
He chuckles, and I know he doesn't believe a word of what I breathe. "You know, I'll be leaving for two long weeks. How will I ever hold out without your warm body lying next to me?" Suddenly, his cold manner turns sinister and lustful.
I'd rather be hit by him a million times over than forced onto tonight. But, I also knew I had no choice in the matter. Even if I dared to fight him on it, Leopold would have me one way or the other.
And I didn't want to disrupt anything tonight. Especially not his departure from this house. I needed him to leave. I needed some peace. I needed to feel that Emma saving my life that night I laid out in that pool, awaiting death was worth it. And if that entailed me giving myself to him without an ounce of a fight. So be it.
Another thing that surprised me, was that in that moment, Leopold actually did help me to my feet. In that moment, the sound of Audrey's laughter disrupted whatever Leopold would say next. Thank God, shortly after, Audrey and Emma entered through the back door of the kitchen. I pull my hand away from Leopold's as Emma's eyes land on me.
"You guys still up?" Audrey asks, a smile to her as she is clinging onto Emma's side.
"We were just about to go to bed, sweetheart." Leopold gives a small smile her way. "Your mother and I need some alone time before our departure tomorrow morning."
I cringe silently at the thought of what awaited me tonight, and my eyes look to Emma who's lips thin out into an instant hard frown. I plead with my eyes to Emma, for her not to say anything, and I know she's already biting down on the inside of her cheek to keep from doing so. She doesn't like the joy Leopold is getting out of this anymore than I do. I can see it in her eyes, and in the way she balls up her fist, so tight, her knuckles turn white.
"Ew, you guys… Really?" Audrey chuckles, holding up her hand. "Spare me the details, please. I rather not think of my parents that way. Thank you."
As Leopold is the only one with a sense of humor at that moment, I feel his arm snake around my waist as he pulls me close to his side. And somehow, I know, he is doing this not only for Audrey, but over Emma as well. Whatever they talked about inside his office, obviously had a lot of play into what was happening between them right now. He pulls me so hard to his side that the glass I am still holding in the palm of my hand clinks. As much as I'd like to tighten my fist up to mimic Emma's, I don't. Not unless I wanted stitches.
"What happened here?" Emma asks, her eyes noticing the glass I find myself holding onto and the few pieces still below my feet.
"It was an accident." I quickly clarify, keeping my eyes locked on Emma's to make sure she believes me.
"Yes, I'm afraid I walked in on her and startled her." Leopold feels the need to throw that in, as if clarifying for himself before Emma. He chuckles and turns to me, "Sweetheart? Should we retire for the night now?" I feel his hand slide off my waist only to land on my behind. He squeezes and I have to close my eyes for a moment before I put on my best smile, and nod.
The bastard is pleased, as always.
"Audrey, don't forget we have to be at the airport at five am." He looks over his shoulder at Audrey as he begins to escort me out of the kitchen along with him.
"I remember, dad. See you in the morning." She gives a playful eye roll. "Good night, you two."
"Good night." I see him smirk out of the corner of my eye. "Ms. Swan."
"Oh," I loosen myself from his hold the first chance I am able. Just as Leopold looks at me in disapproval, I quickly show him the shattered pieces of glass that I still held in my hand. That was good enough for him to let me come upstairs at my own pace.
"Don't be long." He leans in, his lips pressing along my hair before he finally exits the kitchen.
As I'm free of his hold, I walk back into the kitchen and bend down to pick up the rest of the shattered pieces that still remained along the floor. Suddenly, I hear Audrey yawn and she says, "I'm beat. I'll meet you upstairs, babe?"
"Yeah," I hear Emma reply. "I'll be right up. I'm going to help your mom."
My heart flutters at the thought that she wanted to stay behind for me. But, I knew what this was about. It didn't take a genius to figure it out.
"Okay." I hear them share a quick kiss, and look up to see Audrey wave at me. "Good night, mom."
"Good night, sweetheart." I give her a smile before I continue to pick up the last remaining pieces.
I feel Emma bend down, but I don't dare look up. I can't. However, once I see her hands place themselves along mine, feeling her skin against mine, my heart decides to jump all the way to the back of my throat and hide. How did I always fall victim to Emma's eyes? If only she knew the hold they possessed over me as they locked in. It was a fact. Emma's eyes were the most beautiful pair of green I had ever seen in my entire life. As they stared into me, I was almost afraid Emma would be able to see what I was feeling in that moment. As they looked into me, I could see the gentleness that overtook them, but also a touch of anger. I know what angered her. I was angry as well.
I glance down to still see her hands cupping mine, and they feel so delicate on me, yet so strong, it shocks me. I realize then that what Emma wants is not to hold my hand, but for me to give up the shattered glass. So I do. The tiny shattered pieces clank along our hands as they are passed down to Emma's.
"Thank you." I murmur, seeing Emma nod in response. Emma moves over to the trash can to dispose of the shattered pieces, and I quickly take that as my cue to walk past her and leave. "Good night." I give her a small smile.
"Regina," I feel Emma's hand reach along my arm, and I immediately stop. If the sound of her voice wasn't enough to make me whip around and look into her eyes again, her touch certainly was. As I turn and lock eyes with her once more, I can see the worry in them, the anger. Emma was hurting, just like I was. She didn't want this to happen, just like I didn't want it to happen. It was a feeling shared between her and I that almost made me want to shed a few tears. Emma was hurting and I was the cause of it. That was the last thing that I wanted or needed right now.
"You don't have to do this." Emma murmurs, shaking her head.
If only that were true… "He's expecting me-" my words are cut short by Emma's seething words.
"You don't have to-"
"Emma." I closed my eyes as the sound of her name, wording it out loud now that everything was clearer within me, pained me to say. I take a minute to sight out a breath of defeat. Like I always did when I found myself between a rock and a hard place of a situation. I needed to make her understand this. Everything needed to go as he expected to go. Leopold needed to leave. So, I do the next best thing I can do. Behind my saddened and equally pained eyes, I manage to give Emma a small smile that hopefully is enough to tell her that everything would be alright after tonight. "Besides…" Just in case. "He's leaving tomorrow. I'm certainly looking forward to a peaceful two weeks without him around."
I see Emma's jaw tighten before me and her eyes turn glossy. Please don't cry! "How the hell can you stand this shit, Regina?" She asks me in a shuddered whisper.
Normally, considering the forbidden circumstances of my feelings for Emma, that shudder in her voice would have been enough to break me. But, I couldn't break. Not tonight.
"Years and years of practice, Ms. Swan." I give her another small, sad smile from my part and Emma's eyes. The worried look along her face is so painfully endearing, I can't help but to softly caress her cheek with my thumb, gliding it along ever so gently. "Good night, Emma." I whisper.
As I walk out, my eyes shut and string as a few tears of my own do spring free past my cheeks. I felt the ache inside my chest after leaving Emma, standing in the middle of the kitchen, angry and saddened by what I had to face tonight. I wanted to apologize, to make it better. But come tomorrow, everything will vanish. It would be a new morning and tonight would be tonight.
I feel him finish inside of me, my eyes finally open as he breathlessly rolls off, over to his side of the bed, leaving me on mine. As he does, I lay on my side- as per-usual- with my back to him. My arms clutching my extra pillow tightly in an embrace. Leopold never lasted long, but tonight, he had decided to go for a second round on me. I wasn't pleased about that, but I didn't fight him either. Something that surely surprised him coming from me.
I massage my wrist as it is throbbing from him holding me down onto the mattress. One thing about being with Leopold was my hands would never land against his back. Because that would only mean that I enjoyed every bit of him being inside of me, when the truth was, I detested it.
My eyes close as I feel Leopold's arm possessively wrap around my stomach, pulling me close to him, keeping me there. He pulled me so close it was hard to breathe, and I could feel the tickle of his breath along my hair. He was content. Possibly happy. Satisfied. Enough to leave tomorrow morning and not be back until two weeks time.
"You know," he murmurs along my hair. I feel his lips land on my shoulder in a kiss. "You have been surprisingly good today. As much as you screaming excites me, I also like it when you don't fight me." He chuckles, placing another kiss along my shoulder. His beard always prickles along my skin. "I think I may just bring you back a little something. Would you like that?"
What I'd like is for you to never return. The one thing I would want from Leopold would be divorce papers. For him to give me back all the life he ever stole from me. That's what I want. A life of my own where I decided what I did and when.
But that was impossible.
"Sure. Whatever you bring back, I'm sure it'll be nice." I murmur. My eyes look out the window to the night's sky. The movement of the trees as the wind blows through them.
I feel Leopold's last heavy and content breath along my hair and bare shoulder. He's drifted off to sleep. Which means I can finally get some sleep of my own. As my eyes close, awaiting for my own exhaustion to drift me away, my mind wanders off and I begin to think of the only thing- the only person- I can't ever have.
Emma.
