A/N: Chapter 3! Chrissy deserved better. Not relevant to this chapter (maybe). But it needed to be said. Onward!
Disclaimer: I own only Jocelyn Harford, nothing of Stranger Things. All rights go to the Duffer Brothers, and Netflix.
With Or Without You
Chapter 3
Call Me
[Eddie]
I'm sitting back on the porch the next morning, the sun already higher in the sky, and I can still see that faint tinge of red from Hawkins. My skin crawls as I think about what could possibly be going on down there. Hopper and Joyce left with Steve, Jonathan, Nancy, Argyle, and Robin a few hours before to go to town to see about figuring out what to do with Max. Joce and I stayed behind with the kids.
My mind starts to wander as I play with the many rings on my fingers, thinking about last night with Joce, and whether or not I might've made a fool of myself. My mind is still reeling with what happened, and my stomach does an unpleasant flip flop.
What in god's name were those thoughts? Those… urges? It felt like a force beyond my control was urging me to hurt Joce, and it makes my skin crawl. I take a deep breath and try to calm my nerves
A noise from behind me makes me flinch, my head snapping toward the door to the cabin. The door opens, and I see Joce standing there. I exhale, feeling suddenly better.
"Morning!" She says brightly, but then sees the look on my face. "Jesus man, you look like you've seen a ghost. You okay?" She sits down beside me, a mug of black coffee clutched in her hands. She takes a sip, before offering it to me, and I gratefully accept.
I force a smile, "Yeah- I'm fine. Just, uh, bad dreams… didn't sleep too well." I try to keep my voice light, but she isn't having it.
"Come inside, have some food. You look like you're starving." She stands and offers me her hand, which I take. She pulls me up, and we head back inside.
The kids are gathered around the kitchen table. There's toast, canned beans, coffee, and some weird kind of tea Argyle had on the table. Joce grabs a piece of toast, holding it between her teeth as she sits down; I sit down beside her.
"Any updates?" I ask, stealing Jocelyn's coffee again, and taking a swig, before loading up a plate with three pieces of toast, and some beans.
"It's been weirdly quiet," says Mike, before he and Eleven exchange a look.
'Thank fuck for that," I say, between mouthfuls of toast. "I'm not gonna lie, I'd take some peace and quiet right now. These monsters need to start learning to take a hint." Beside me, Joce snorts, and Dustin rolls his eyes. I look at him. "What? Am I wrong?"
"Yeah, Eddie, we'll just waltz into Hawkins and tell Vecna to keep it down, shall we?" Dustin snaps, and Jocelyn has to duck under the table to stifle her laughter. "Ugh, you are both so immature." He glares at me and Joce.
"Love us or hate us, your lives would be boring without us." I shoot back, stuffing another piece of toast into my mouth. The rest of the group ignores this comment, and returns to their conversation.
"So anyway," says Will, "back to Kas the Bloody Handed."
I nearly choke on my toast. "What?"
"He's Vecna's second in command in D&D," Will is explaining to Eleven. "He's a vampire." He adds, "He accepted vampirism in order to do Vecna's bidding."
The moment Will brings up Vecna, everything from last night comes flooding back to me. My face grows blank for a moment. I clear my throat, feeling my heart begin to pound a bit. I can see Joce watching me; the others haven't noticed. I smile sheepishly at her, trying to play off my obvious discomfort.
Will keeps going, unbothered. "See, Kas betrayed Vecna, and he killed him. What if El is supposed to be Kas?" He addresses the room at large.
"But, Eleven was never on Vecna's side." Mike says, "at least, not intentionally." They all ponder this for a moment, before Joce leans over to me.
"Eddie," she hisses, "wanna step outside?"
My heart begins to pound as Will describes Vecna's servant, it all sounding all too familiar. I can feel Joce's eyes on me the whole time, and the urge to go outside and talk to her is nearly overpowering. I look over at her, her intense look only heightening my nerves.
"Uhm… uh…" I stammer, the words failing to come to me. "Yeah, sure…" I quickly stand up and walk to the doorway. "We'll be right back. Just gonna do a perimeter check."
Jocelyn hurries after me, amidst irritated complaints from the rest of the group. She stops me as I come to the bottom of the porch. "Are you okay?"
I take a deep breath, looking around the cabin and out at the woods before turning my attention back to Joce, my heart pounding wildly in my chest.
"I… I don't know…" I look around, my nerves on fire. "Something's happening to me… and I don't know what it is, I –" I'm cut off as I suddenly begin to gag, a feeling of nausea washes over me before I vomit into the dirt outside the cabin
Joce leaps back. "Jesus, Eddie! Are you alright?"
I wipe my mouth as I feel a wave of sickness wash over my body, a look of agony on my face as I struggle to take a deep breath. "Yeah… yeah… I'm okay…" But that's a lie, and, unable to hold it in, I heave and begin vomiting again. It's worse this time, the feeling inside me growing, like an all-engulfing tide.
Joce bends down, rubbing my back. "I'm here, Eddie. You're ok."
I'm breathing in labored breaths, the feelings of sickness continuing to wash over me as I try to calm myself down and get back under control. I look up at Joce, "T-thank you…" I raise my arm and give her a weak thumbs up, as I try to focus on her to help calm me down.
Joce helps me up. "Come on. Let's walk. The fresh air will help." We start to move away from the house. "Are you okay, really? Is there anything I can do?"
"I don't know…" I struggle to regain control of my breathing. "I feel sick. For no reason. At least, not a reason I can understand." I'm still breathing heavily, and every breath I draw makes the nausea return. "I might pass out…" I groan softly. Even thinking about the possibility of losing consciousness nearly makes me lose my balance as I stumble forward slightly.
Joce grabs me, sitting me down on a nearby stump. "Dude, you just ate a huge breakfast, but you look like you're starving. Are you okay?" She sounds really worried. I can see it all across her pale, gaunt face.
I struggle to keep my eyelids open. My vision is blurry, but everything she's saying is loud and clear. I try answering, but my voice is weak and raspy. "I'm… Joce, I'm…" I can't find the words. My throat is dry and burning, and I lean forward, holding my head in my hands.
Please…
An overwhelming feeling of hunger washes over me, my stomach growling with the force of a beast.
Joce slowly gets up, beginning to back away. It's at this moment I realize we are out of earshot of the house. "Eddie…" Her voice sounds cautious – scared, even.
My vision begins to go black, but my sense of hearing is perfectly fine. I manage to turn my head and look up at her a bit, a mixture of dread and guilt washing over me.
What…
I begin to slouch forward, my body too weak to hold me any longer.
Joce…
Before I can do anything else, I begin to feel a hunger so intense that I feel completely helpless against it. A cold sweat breaks out on my forehead, and my throat burns even hotter.
Joce rushes to my side instantly. "Eddie! Are you okay? Say something! What can I do?!"
"I need something…" I gasp hoarsely, my voice sounding so unlike itself.
I let out a groan as hunger stabs my stomach, the feeling growing so intense that a little bit of drool begins to form at the corners of my mouth, the saliva thick and red.
I don't know…
My eyes roll back as I grit my teeth, my body slowly growing limp as the hunger grows and grows.
What the hell is happening to me?!
Joce looks wildly around, "I'm going to get help. I'll be back." But as she starts to turn, I reach out, against my own will, and grab her wrist.
A low growling noise escapes from my throat; even in my diminished state, my grip on her wrist is like a vise. My eyes fixate upon her.
"No… you'll tell…"
My voice sounds unholy now, coming out in a low growl. I can see Joce turn white as a sheet, her brown eyes wide with terror.
"…They won't… understand…"
Joce wrenches her wrist from my grasp. "Holy Christ, Eddie!" She starts backing away, her face filled with abject horror.
I let out a deep, feral growl, before lunging at her.
JOCE!
My hunger is completely overpowering me, my face now a contorted mask, the pain driving me on as I leap for her throat. An animalistic roar escapes my lips.
Joce lets out a strangled yelp as I tackle her to the ground.
As she screams, the animalistic part of me grows stronger, and I pin her to the ground, my mouth inches from her throat. A snarl escapes from me as I hold her down, pure animalistic rage driving my every move. Only the smallest shred of humanity remains in my psyche, trying desperately to hold back this monster.
Joce is trembling, and there are tears flowing down her cheeks. "E-Eddie!" She gasps, "Eddie, stop!"
When she tells me to stop, the monster part of me freezes. A flicker of humanity returns to my face as I look down at her. My eyes instantly fill with sorrow and regret, but it doesn't last long. The monster inside me growls louder, threatening to take over my psyche again, an urge I am having trouble resisting when she just looks so… tempting.
Suddenly, Joce kicks out, and her foot connects with my shin, kicking me. Hard. With a yelp of pain, the monster inside me freezes, allowing the humanity in me to reassert complete control. Joce takes the moment to roll out from under me, scrambling to her feet while I sit on the forest floor, holding my shin.
Joce…
I struggle to stand up on one leg, looking at her with complete and utter horror written across my face.
I'm so sorry… so, so sorry…
The urge to attack her washes over me one more time. I take a few steps forward, my eyes wide, as I still don't have full control over my body.
She's staring at me, her eyes wide and terrified. Her hair is a mess, and there are small cuts on her arms from where I tackled her to the forest floor.
"Are you…" her chest is heaving, "...you?"
My face is a twisted mix of panic and sorrow, but I shake it off, before pushing it behind a facade of confidence.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm me." I exhale, my chest rising and falling rapidly.
She's still staring at me, like she doesn't know me. Her mouth is slightly open. "Dude… you… you attacked me." Her voice trembles.
My face falls when her words hit me like a ton of bricks. "Y-yeah... I know…" My hands clench into fists.
I'm so... so sorry…
I let out a deep sigh as I take a step towards her. She flinches, and it's like a knife in my heart.
...I never wanted to hurt you…
Joce takes a step away from me, before looking back at the house. A million thoughts seem to be running through her mind. Finally, she turns to me. "This is stupid, but it's the only thing I can think to do. Come with me." She grabs my hand, and pulls me further into the woods.
I allow her to pull me further into the forest. "Joce… where are we going?" She doesn't answer. "Joce?" But even she doesn't seem to know where we are going.
We eventually come to a clearing about a mile or two from the house. I can't even see Hopper's place anymore. There's a small stump in the middle. Joce seems satisfied with this, and points at the stump.
"Sit." She says to me.
I reluctantly walk over to the stump, and sit down. Was she going to leave me here in the woods? To become the monster I can feel growing in me? I look at her. "Joce, I don't…"
She doesn't answer. She simply takes out her pocket knife, and slides the blade across her palm. It leaves an open gash, and blood starts dripping onto the forest floor.
I jump back, looking on in horror and disgust on my face at the sight of seeing her cut herself. "Jesus H Christ, Joce! What are you doing?" Without even thinking, I leap up. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"
And then… the realization dawns on me. I stare at her in horror, hoping against hope she isn't about to ask me to do what I think she is.
Please, Joce… Don't…
She stares up at me, a look of steely determination on her face. She holds out her bleeding hand to me.
Please, Joce…
Please, don't do this…
She looks me in the eyes, and says one word, that makes my heart stop in my chest.
"Drink."
