A/N: Aaaand, chapter 4. Leggo.


Disclaimer: I own only Jocelyn Harford, nothing of Stranger Things. All rights go to the Duffer Brothers, and Netflix.

With Or Without You

Chapter 4

Jump


[Jocelyn]

"Drink." I repeat.

Eddie's look of horror becomes even more pronounced and he shakes his head violently. He takes a step back from me in fear, a mixture of concern and revulsion on his face

"Why would I want to drink… that?!" He chokes out, staring at me.

I glare at him. "Eddie, listen. You attacked me back there. If you really are a… vampire type thing, you'll need to feed. And I'll be damned if I let you slaughter all of us because you're running around like a maniac. If I can help, I will." I brandish my bleeding hand again. "Now, drink!" There's a pleading edge in my voice.

The cold horror washing over Eddie at the realization of what I am asking him to do causes his facial expressions to change rapidly. He looks like he has an overwhelming urge to flee, but, when I order him to drink, he seems to freeze in place. He looks at the blood on the ground…and it looks like he's having some horrific internal struggle.

He starts to take a step closer, his entire body shaking, and I can see the anguish in his dark eyes.

I move forward, and gently sit him down on the stump, holding my palm out to him. "It's okay, Eddie, go ahead." I can't even begin to believe I'm asking him to do this. But, he's my best friend in the entire world. What else am I supposed to do? I swallow the lump of fear in my throat.

Eddie's eyes are filled with tears. He looks up at me, a terrified look on his face. I can tell he's fighting some horrible demons right now, trying to resist the urge. He closes his eyes for a second, before he speaks.

"God…" His voice comes out in a low sigh, almost a moan, and I freeze. I can tell he's confused by this reaction, because his eyes snap open, and he stares up at me.

"It's okay…" I manage to whisper. At this, I can see something change in Eddie's face. A look of pure shame and regret flits across his face for a split second, before his eyes go dark. I feel fear spark in my chest, but I do my best to stay still.

It's for him. It's for him.

Eddie's tongue cautiously comes out to lick a small drop of blood from my palm. The moment he does, he exhales loudly, his eyes momentarily rolling back. "Y-yes, goddammit…" he growls out in a low voice.

He leans forwards and places his lips to my hand.

The sensation is unlike any I have ever experienced. At first, it feels like Eddie is kissing my palm, because all I can feel are his lips. It feels nice, for maybe a second, before I can feel his teeth scrape against my skin. They aren't sharp by any means, but it doesn't stop it from hurting a little. I scrunch up my face slightly, trying to ignore the discomfort. Instead, I look down at him, trying to focus on his face. This is a mistake.

As Eddie drinks, I can see all emotions in his face start to disappear as the instinct to drink completely overtakes him. His eyes grow glassy and empty, and a deep growl escapes his throat. What was once a look of terror and regret has been replaced by an inhumanly hungry glare that could only be achieved by a bloodlust. He continues, his jaw working like a machine against my palm.

Several more minutes go by, and I'm starting to feel a bit dizzy. I try to pull my hand away. "Okay, Eddie, that's enough." My speech is slightly slurred.

"What?"

A bit of humanity has returned to Eddie's eyes, the monster in him pausing for just a moment as a small flicker of rationality kicks in. He meets my eyes, and his own go wide as he can tell I'm on the verge of passing out.

"Oh…"

A look of guilt and shame takes over his face. He immediately lets go of my hand, and leans away from me, my blood staining his lips and chin.

I sink to the forest floor. "Are.. are you ok..?" I gasp, struggling to stay conscious.

He's staring at me, and he looks utterly disgusted in himself. "Joce…" He whispers, and there's a break in his voice.

I manage to sit up, breathing shakily. I tear a strip of fabric from my pant leg and wrap it around my bleeding hand. "Are you ok?" I repeat.

He watches me wrap my hand, and a mixture of guilt and shame fills his face. He looks like he wants to throw up again. Instead, he forces out a pained "Yes…"

He crouches down beside me. "I'm so sorry, Joce… I… I don't know what you must think of me right now."

"Don't worry about it." I say weakly. "I'm glad to have done it." That's a lie. I feel sick. But, I am glad to know I could help Eddie. "Do you.." I pause, "is your hunger, like… Are you good?"

Eddie wipes the blood from his mouth and, looking down at it, pulls a face of disgust. "Yeah…" He mutters, and his tone is bitter. I can tell he hates himself right now. "Yeah… I'm good…"

I step towards him. "Eddie…" I touch his shoulder.

His eyes dart back to me with a look of a mixture of surprise and caution. "Yeah?"

"Let's… let's get back to the house." I mumble.

He nods again, and for a moment, I can see his eyes go dark. He quickly blinks, and they're back to normal. "Yeah, lead the way."

I give him a look, before we leave the clearing; and head back for the house. Upon arrival, Mike and Dustin come out.

"Jesus, Eddie, you look like hell. Are you ok?!" Dustin asks. "You've got blood on you!"

Eddie's smile is evidently forced. "Yeah, man, I'm fine."

I take Eddie's hand. "He's fine. Just feeling a little sick. I'm gonna take him inside." We pass the boys, and head inside. I pull Eddie into Eleven's empty room in the cabin, closing the door, and turning to him. "Are you okay?"

He slowly leans against the wall, before sinking to the floor, holding his knees. "I'm not okay, Joce…" He whispers, and I can hear the tears in his voice.

I wonder suddenly if I should be alone with Eddie; especially after all that. I try not to let my face show it, though. Instead, I take a cautious step forward. "What can I do…?"

"I don't know…" Eddie looks so exhausted. His face is pale, and his eyes are sunken. He looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. "What can you possibly do to save me?" He sounds so broken.

I move closer. "Eddie.. I'd do anything. You're my best friend." My voice catches, and I kneel down, wrapping him in a tight hug. "You've been my best friend since we were ten. Ten years, Eddie. We've been through a lot together."

"You're not scared of me…?" Eddie's voice is a mixture of gratitude and shock.

"I could never be scared of you.." I whisper. "Eddie… is there anything I can do…?"

He sighs, as if he's deflating completely. "I don't think so, Joce…" He looks so defeated.

I move back to the door, unsure of what to say next. "I'm… gonna let you get some rest, ok? I know we just got up, but you've been through a lot today. Just.. take the day, okay?" I can't look him in the eye.

His face falls a little, but he nods. "Yeah… Okay." He closes his eyes for a second, before opening them again, and I can see some of the old Eddie behind his gaze. "You really make life worth living, sweetheart." His lips curb in a small smirk.

I roll my eyes at the pet name, but smile nonetheless. "Easy there, big guy, don't go falling apart on me."

He looks down, pinching the bridge of his nose for a second. "Yeah.. I'll keep trying." He looks back up at me. "I owe you one."

I shrug, holding my bandaged hand behind my back. "Don't mention it. What are friends for?"

"Fair enough…" he replies, looking away. "You're a good friend; much better than this cynical freak deserves." He lets out a watery chuckle, and I feel my heart break a little.

"Shut up." I hope it sounds kind. I turn, and leave the room. As I close the door, I give Eddie a small thumbs up, which he returns, albeit a bit dejectedly. We share one last look, and the door shuts.


I'm sitting on the porch again, smoking another cigarette. It's getting later in the day. I haven't seen Eddie since I left him in Eleven's room. I even go around the back of the house to make sure he hasn't broken out of the window. I know he's suffering right now, and I can feel my heart just aching for him.

I absently fiddle with the piece of pant leg I have wrapped around my hand. It's sore, where Eddie dug his teeth into. I feel a chill run through me. I try to shake it off.

He's going to be fine. A small voice says in my head. Just fine.

"You don't know that…" I whisper aloud. "He could… He could change into something horrible. Like what happened with Billy last year, according to Max."

The idea of Eddie turning into some horrible monster makes me want to start sobbing right there. I squeeze my eyes shut.

He'll be fine.

The porch door opens, and Dustin appears. He comes to sit beside me. "Hey." His voice sounds nervous. I glance sideways at him. Dustin is a good kid. Eddie likes him a lot. Personally, he reminds me of my little brother, who I happen to find really annoying. But, Dustin has grown on me. After all, we are Hellfire. And, if Eddie likes and trusts him, then so do I.

"Hey," I mumble back, taking another drag of my cigarette. "What;s up?"

"Is Eddie okay?" The words come tumbling out of Dustin like a faucet. I can tell he's been wanting to ask me that all morning.

I sigh, "Yeah, he's okay. He's just not feeling super great." I don't look at Dustin as I take another long drag from my cigarette.

"Are you okay?" Dustin asks, taking note of my hand. I shove it away in the sleeve of my sweatshirt. He raises an eyebrow, but I brush it off.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I slipped in the woods. Cut my hand." As long as Dustin doesn't actually see the bitemarks, I can safely assume he'll believe me.

He doesn't look convinced, however. "You and Eddie have been acting weird all morning. Did something happen with you two last night?"

I try to keep my face impassive. "No, why?"

Dustin shrugs. "I don't know; you two just seem off today. You guys normally act more like idiots, but today you're, well… just weird."

I snort, "Astute observation, Henderson." He rolls his eyes at me. "We're fine." I repeat, before giving him a sidelong glance. "Promise." Dustin still doesn't look convinced, but he doesn't push the matter anymore.

I get up and go inside to splash some cold water on my face. As I do, my eyes travel to the door of Eleven's bedroom, and I have a small urge to go in, and curl myself around Eddie, like a security blanket. I push the thought out of my head. He needs rest. Besides, I feel a sick twist in my stomach, what if he… I look down at my hand, and I feel goosebumps appear on my skin.

I mean, it was only my hand. And it wasn't so bad. It was uncomfortable, sure, but it wasn't something I couldn't handle. I could do it again, if I have to.

Another thought occurs to me. Something Eddie said to me when we were in the woods.

"They wouldn't understand…"

He's right, of course. They wouldn't understand. Eddie is… changing. I can feel it. Those demobats did something to him, and it's getting worse. What alarms me the most is how quickly it seems to be getting worse. When I saw him yesterday, he didn't look great, but today, he looks awful. He's pale, his eyes are sunken, and his skin was so cold when he touched my hand in the woods.

"This is some Gothic bullshit." I hiss to myself as I splash more cold water on my face. "This is insane. I feel like Mina fucking Harker in Dracula." I gag, before practically dunking my entire head into the sink, just to try to shake off this feeling of unease. I come up for a breath.

If the others find out about this… They'll think he's in league with Vecna. They'll think he's a monster… He already thinks he's a monster. What if… What if Hopper tries to kill him. What if they try to lock him away.

I feel my heart burn a bit, and I shake my head. Nope. Not happening. Nope. I won't let it. I will defend and protect that dumb idiot until my dying breath. Neither of us had had an easy time making friends in school, so we had latched onto each other. I had been there for him since his dad had walked out, and when his mom died. I was there for him when he was forced to move in with Wayne (who needless to say is a wonderful man). I was there for him when he didn't graduate the first time. And the second time. I'd bring him snacks during lunch hour at Hawkins High from the convenience store I work at. He'd tell me to stay for lunch with himself and the rest of Hellfire. Even though I'd managed to graduate two years prior, I still came. Every day. I refused to even consider post secondary until Eddie finished High School. I told my Dad that, and he agreed as long as I got a job, that was fine.

Eddie was there for me when my parents divorced, and I was sent to the other side of town to live with my dad. Eddie had saved all summer when we were sixteen to buy his craptastic van he now owned, just to come visit me whenever he could. We used to live only a few streets away from one another, but when my folks split, it became harder and harder to hang out. So, Eddie had gotten his van, and came to see me almost every night. After lights out, he'd sneak up, open my window, and I'd hop out. We'd go off into the bush to do drugs, drink, and just chill out. It was the best time of my life.

And then Eddie formed Hellfire, and his band joined, and Dustin, Mike, and Lucas joined. I had an, albeit small, circle of friends. But, I had friends. And I had Eddie. I'd always had Eddie… If it hadn't been for him, I think I'd not be here now. I think I'd have let it all get to me years before.

I owe him everything.

And I'm not about to let him suffer alone. I'm not about to let him be ostracized by our friends. He won't be alone. He won't be.

I'll do anything.