A/N: This story is depressing for me to write. Oh well, I'm gonna keep doing it.
Disclaimer: I own only Jocelyn Harford, nothing of Stranger Things. All rights go to the Duffer Brothers, and Netflix.
With Or Without You
Chapter 5
Tempted
[Eddie]
I'm the first one to wake up. I was hardly able to get any sleep last night. As soon as I open my eyes, I jump out of bed and immediately go to the door. I pull it open to reveal the living room. Everyone is still sleeping, and I spot Joce on the couch, her red head pillowed in her arms.
Joce…
I take a deep breath as I approach her, standing over her sleeping form. Her face is pale, and there's a furrow on her brow. Even asleep, she looks worried. She moves in her sleep slightly, and I can see her bandaged hand.
My heart sinks at the sight of it. Her hand is a painful reminder of my actions yesterday. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm angry at myself. I hate myself.
I kneel down beside the couch, and my hand moves to her neck, feeling for her heartbeat. After a few seconds, I finally find it - fluttering, but there. I let out a sigh of relief. How could I have let this happen? Joce moves in her sleep again, and a ray of cold moonlight comes through the window as the clouds shift outside. The ray hits her throat, illuminating her white skin in the darkness.
It happens in mere seconds.
I try to will my eyes to look away, but they won't. Her skin looks so soft, so…inviting. The veins running underneath are fascinating, like blue tendrils beneath freshly fallen snow… Without realizing, I lean slightly closer, not making a sound… the sound of her breathing, the sound of her heart, it's just so entrancing, so…
…tempting.
I shake my head, and force myself back, breathing heavily as I do so.
It would be so easy, though. She's asleep. She wouldn't even notice. I'd be done before she wakes up.
The voice in my brain speaks again, but this time, it isn't the same sinister one from before. It's… it's my voice. I try to swallow, but my mouth feels dry. I try to look away. I try to tell myself this is disgusting and wrong and probably borderline illegal (not that I've ever really cared about the law up until now).
A deep hunger develops in my stomach. I can't stop watching… the way her chest rises and falls, her milky skin… it all intrigues me; it all draws me in… She's like a drug, and I'm hooked.
Fuck.
Suddenly, I find myself unable to control my inhibitions, and I bend down closer again. My breath is on her throat now… I want to taste her… I don't understand what I'm feeling, but the desire is overwhelming…
I feel a slight resistance in my mind… but… I want this…
I want this…
Joce stirs in her sleep, a soft moan escaping her lips.
A small shudder runs through my body as I hear her moan. As if I needed any more permission to let myself go… She moans so beautifully, and I… I can't…
Before I can fully understand what I'm doing, my tongue slides along the side of her neck, leaving a wet trail of saliva in its wake… I have to fight the urge to groan. This is the first time I've ever felt anything like this… and yet… it feels right…
Joce twitches in her sleep, but doesn't wake. Her breath hitches.
The moment it does, my control is gone. My tongue moves over her skin with renewed need. My hunger is growing, and I feel her heartbeat hasten slightly at the contact. I want to sink my teeth into her skin… her gorgeous skin. I want to taste her one more time…
I can't resist anymore. I bend over, taking Joce's sleeping form in my arms. With that one act, all inhibitions are destroyed. An animalistic sound leaves me as I bite into her neck. My heart beats faster, the feeling of her blood pouring into my mouth. Jesus Christ, the neck is a way better place to drink from, than her hand. It's so much more… intimate.
Joce groans against me, but still, she doesn't wake. My hunger is only heightened by the sounds she's making - her breath, her moans, her… all of it drives me further towards the edge…
Joce starts to convulse in my arms. I've been drinking for too long. There's blood everywhere. But, I can't stop. Her convulsions only further drive my animalistic instincts… I am too lost in the euphoria to stop… I can't stop even if I wanted to. Her blood spills out onto our clothing, but I'm not thinking about it. I'm not thinking at all… I am the monster now. I am no longer Eddie Munson.
Eddie Munson is dead.
Joce suddenly goes totally limp in my arms. I hear a sigh escape her lips, but it isn't one of pleasure. It sounds like… It sounds like…
Death.
I freeze. My heart beats furiously within me, and a sense of panic begins to set in.
What have I done…?
I let go of her and she slumps back down onto the bed. Her skin is ice cold. Her eyes are open but sightless. There is a permanent look of pain and confusion etched in her face.
The sight of Joce's body makes me want to scream, but I can't. I sit and stare at her, my entire body numb. The adrenaline is gone, leaving me frozen in place. Tears begin to stream down my face as the realization of what I've done finally sets in. She's dead. Joce is dead. I've killed her. My best friend. My partner in multiple crimes. I've killed the one person that I… The only woman that I've ever…
That I've ever…
Ever…
I wake up screaming.
I'm shivering from a cold sweat, and my face is drenched in tears. I'm gasping for air, struggling to come back down to earth again. The nightmare slowly fades away… but I'm left with the feeling of terror and guilt from whatever just happened. It all felt so real.
I leap out of the bed, stumbling over my own feet, before yanking open the bedroom door. In the living room I see Joce, sitting at the kitchen table, a mug of coffee in her hand. She glances over at me, and smiles.
"Morning." She says simply.
She's alive.
The relief at seeing her alive and unhurt is incomparable. It's all I can do to prevent the tears from streaming back down my face. Instead, I try to pull myself together. In the process of doing so, I start to sweat from the stress, and I wipe my face with one of my hands.
"Uh, hey. How's it going, Harford?" I inch into the living room, looking around to see if anyone else is there. "How'd you sleep?" I'm trying to keep my tone light, but I can still hear my heartbeat pounding in my ears like a drum.
She shrugs absently, "Fine. You?"
"Alright," I manage to say, before sitting down at the table with her.
"You look like shit." She quips, taking a sip of her coffee, before offering it to me.
"Thanks," I mutter. I'm not sure if I'm thanking her for the coffee or the comment, but she doesn't seem to care.
"You… wanna talk about it?" She asks suddenly. I look up at her.
"Huh?"
"Eddie, I've known you for half my life. I can tell when something is bothering you." She raises a dark eyebrow at me.
I put down the mug, thinking for a moment. "I… had a nightmare last night." Joce gives me a look as if silently telling me to go on. I exhale roughly, grinding my teeth. "I thought it was real…" I whisper. Even as I say these words, part of me is still half-convinced it did happen for real. I fix her with a look for a moment, before murmuring.
"I bit you. I drank so much of your blood that I killed you. You died in my arms, Joce."
She doesn't say anything for a moment. She's picking at the wooden table with her fingernails. It's a nervous tick of hers. She seems to be thinking about what to say next. Finally, she looks up at me, and I can see a soft smile on her lips.
"I'm right here, Eddie. I'm okay." She moves to squeeze my hand, and when she does, I see the bandage again. I feel a stab of guilt, and move my hand away so she can't touch me. I see a momentary look of hurt flash across her face.
"How, uh, are you feeling?" I ask, trying to change the subject. I gesture absently to her hand. She looks down at her hand, as if only just remembering what happened.
She shrugs again. "I'm okay. How do you feel after yesterday? Did the feeding help?" I think for a second before answering. I hate myself for what I'm about to say.
"Yeah… Honestly, as nasty as it is to admit, I feel… fantastic." I can hear the tone in my voice, feel the vibrato in my throat, and I inwardly punch myself in the face. Fucks sake, Munson. Chill the fuck out. You're disgusting.
Joce nods slowly. I can see the gears working in her head in overtime. She pauses a moment, as if considering something, before she whispers: "Do you need… more?"
I blink, taken aback for a second. Wait, she wants me to…?
My eyes slide to her neck out of instinct, lingering there for just a few moments longer than they should before I quickly look away, feeling ashamed with myself. The memories of the nightmare are still lingering in my mind. I can almost feel that primal hunger start to grow in my stomach. I shudder.
She keeps talking as though she didn't notice. "I'm pretty exhausted from yesterday. But, if you need it…" her voice trails away, and she moves her hand, wincing slightly.
The wince catches my eye right away. I feel guilt, but a strange sense of lust also bubbles inside me. I don't want to hurt her, but… my body betrays me. I take a shaky breath in.
It's true; despite the small amount of her blood I drank yesterday, it had invigorated me in ways I can't explain. I feel today, despite waking up from such a horrible nightmare, that I have more energy than I've had in a long time. However, with each second that passes, I can feel myself slowing down. I need more. I want more.
Fuck. Me.
I clear my throat. "You know you can tell me no, right? It's not like it's an obligation or anything." I run my tongue along my lip for a moment, feeling my eyes wander again to her neck. She notices, and her facial expression goes dark for a second.
"Of course it is an obligation." She's saying it more to herself than to me. "How else can we make sure you're okay? That you're healthy? Besides," Her voice turns bitter for a moment, "I don't care enough about myself to care what you do to me —" At this, she freezes, apparently realizing what she just said. She quickly looks away, but I can see the pain in her face.
There's a buzzing in my ears. It feels like all the sound has been sucked out of the room. The fact that she doesn't care about herself, at all, makes me feel absolutely terrible. It feels like she may as well have smashed that coffee mug, and driven the pieces directly into my heart.
"Joce…" I start to say, but just then, Dustin comes into the house, followed by Mike,Will, and Eleven.
"Oh, Eddie, good, you're up! We were gonna do a D&D One Shot. Is our Dungeon Master up for it?" He's grinning, but when he sees the looks on mine and Joce's faces, his smile fades slightly. "What? We need something to pass the time while we wait for the others to get back, right?"
I look at Joce, but she's not meeting my gaze. She stands up from the table. "Dustin, that sounds like a great idea." Her smile looks unnatural, and it doesn't reach her eyes. "But, we don't have any materials."
"I've got that covered," says Dustin, and opens his backpack and pulls out all his D&D crap. Joce lets out a low whistle, before giving Dustin a withering look.
"You would be the only person who packs Dungeons and Dragons shit into his backpack during the end of the world." She shakes her head, but she's smiling for real now.
Dustin grins toothily up at her. "Reconvene in TMinus ten minutes?"
She nods. "Sure." She reaches into her sweatshirt, and I see her pull out a small bag of weed, before she steps outside. I think for a second, before following her.
I don't sit right away. I know she knows I'm there, but I let her be in her own little world for a few minutes. When she's nearly done, I approach.
"Nice J you got there," I say casually, sitting down beside her as she finishes rolling herself the joint. She doesn't look at me, but holds it out.
"Wanna share?" The offer is simple, but it's sweet. I feel a small smile pass across my lips.
"Sure." We pass the joint back and forth for a few minutes, before I carefully break the silence. "So… you wanna talk, or just enjoy the high?"
I can see her flinch slightly at my words, but just mutters. "Enjoy the high."
I nod, despite the feeling of pain in my chest at her words. We continue to smoke for a few more minutes, before I try again.
"Joce… are you sure you're okay? You can talk to me." I place my hand on her bony shoulder – it looks so large on her small frame, and she seems to shrink away a little at my touch. I pull back quickly, and when I do, she turns to look at me. I can see all the sadness, confusion, and bitterness in her eyes. It looks like she wants to say something, but can't find the words.
"Eddie…" she begins, but then seems to think better of it. Instead, she just leans her head on my shoulder. "Just… let's just get really high, okay?" I can hear the note of pleading in her voice. I wrap my arm around her, planting a soft kiss on the top of her head, something I've done for years whenever she's sad, angry, or stressed.
"I can do that, yeah."
She sighs contently. "Don't ever change, Munson." She looks up at me. "Promise?"
I'm reminded of the same conversation I had with Dustin. I smirk. "Wasn't planning on it."
She turns to look away into the woods. "Damn right." She says quietly. We sit in silence for another moment, before I slowly look down at her.
"Joce, listen, have you ever thought about us –" I'm cut off when Dustin sticks his head out of the front door.
"Alright, lovebirds, come on in!" He snickers, and retreats into the house. Beside me, Joce scoffs.
"He's such a tool." She gets up, offering her hand to me, and I take it, letting her pull me up.
"You were saying?" She asks, tilting her head.
"Me? Oh, I… It can wait." I shove her gently, and she raises an eyebrow at me, but shakes her head.
"You're so fucking weird." She gives me a small, genuine smile, before we head inside.
