A/N: Guys, I've written 80 pages in 4 days. Send help.


Disclaimer: I own only Jocelyn Harford, nothing of Stranger Things. All rights go to the Duffer Brothers, and Netflix.

With Or Without You

Chapter 6

Somebody's Watching Me


[Jocelyn]

We're all seated around the kitchen table. Dustin has all his D&D shit strewn everywhere. There isn't much, but there's enough for us to play a short One Shot while we wait for the others.

Eddie sits at the head of the table, a makeshift DM board set up. He's resting his chin on his hands, and there's that old twinkle in his eye. He looks completely in his element, and I am so glad. He's looked so worn out for the last few days; it's nice to see him happy. He catches my eye and winks at me, grinning, and I try to return the same smile, but it's a challenge. How is it it's taken me ten years to realize what a nice smile he has…?

Nope. No. Shut up. Not today. He is your best friend. I mentally kick myself. I turn my chair slightly so I'm not looking directly at him. I make a mental note to take a cold shower after this.

Things changed between us after the events of the last week and a half. I had seen a side of Eddie I hadn't known was there. He was vulnerable with me. He discussed his fears and anxieties; something he had never done before, well… this. The Upside Down, Vecna, Chrissy…

My heart hurts when I think of Chrissy. She was such a nice girl, and honestly I think Eddie had had a bit of a crush on her, though he'd never have admitted it. In truth, I had always thought they'd have made a cute, weird couple, in their own way. Better than Jason Carver and her, anyhow. Total douche. Shame he had died, though, really. What a way to go… I shudder at the thought. My eyes travel back to Eddie.

He hasn't been the same since Chrissy died. It had traumatized him beyond all reason, which I can completely understand. In the last week, Eddie had gone from running from his fears and problems, to facing them head on. When Dustin had told me Eddie might die from wounds inflicted by those stupid demobats… My world had stopped.

The thought of losing Eddie had nearly sent me into a spiral I couldn't unwind myself from. I had cried so hard I had become dehydrated. I'd had to be picked up off the ground and carried to the van to get to Hawkins' General. Once there, I curled up in a ball on a sofa, and cried my eyes out. My sobs had been so forceful, a nurse had actually had to give me a sedative to help me calm down.

And then Dustin told us Eddie was okay.

He had never actually said what had happened, but apparently Eddie had seemed to have "died" in Dustin's arms, only to have woken up a while later. Dustin had been just as amazed and yet horrified as Eddie had been, but they had just seemed to ignore it as brilliant luck, before Dustin let us know Eddie was going to be ok. Unfortunately, the news didn't reach me until two days later, when I had been waiting for them on the mountainside leading to Hopper's cabin. When Steve told me, I had almost passed out. He told me that Eddie was getting Dustin to lie to his uncle for him, faking Eddie's death. This way Eddie could move about easier, while not being constantly pursued by the cops. Something in me changed that day, when I saw Eddie coming up that mountainside, injured, but alive.

And now here we are. Sitting around a table in a cabin belonging to the former chief of police who supposedly died last year, playing a fantasy game, while the world as we know it falls apart outside.

I take a slow breath in, through my nose, and out through my mouth. I force myself to look at Eddie. "Want a beer? I saw some in Hop's fridge."

"You shouldn't take what isn't yours." Eleven says quietly, eyeing us.

I shrug, "I'm sure he won't mind." I move to the fridge, but the door won't budge. I look back at the table, and see Eleven is concentrating very hard on me and the fridge.

"El," Mike says gently, "everything is going to shit. Let them have a freakin' beer." All at once, the door to the fridge opens, and I stumble back. I exchange a look with Eddie, who is watching Eleven with a mixture of admiration and fear.

"Uh, yeah, beer sounds great." Eddie says, still keeping an eye on Eleven. I nod, before smiling at Eleven, and reaching into the fridge, grabbing two beers. I return to the table, swinging my legs over my chair, and handing Eddie one of the beers.

"You sure you just wanna watch?" Eddie asks me and Eleven. We both nod. Eleven's eyes keep darting to the front door, waiting for the others to return. I'm just tired as hell, and don't feel like playing.

I crack open my beer, taking a long drink, as Eddie sets the scene for the One Shot. Something about a Goblin cave filled with treasure, guarded by the undead. I'm not really listening, though. My thoughts are drifting all over the place.

The guys play on, an argument regarding the direction the story is taking eventually escalating into an all out shouting match. It isn't long before Dustin gets frustrated and storms away from the table for a few minutes amidst gales of laughter from all of us.

One after another, everyone in the party starts to get their asses kicked by the goblins in the caves. I'm only half there. I barely register when Eddie speaks to me.

"Huh?" I say, blinking at him stupidly.

"You still with us?" He asks, a small smile creeping at the corners of his mouth.

I blush. "Yeah sorry. Just daydreaming."

"What were you daydreaming about?" Eddie asks, raising an eyebrow quizzically.

I smirk, "Nothing in particular." I get up, "Want another beer?" He nods, and I walk over to the fridge.

Dustin suddenly pipes up. "Eddie, quit checking out Joce." I whirl around, my cheeks going red.

Eddie is grinning, but I can see a faint pink tinge in his cheeks. "Hey now. Don't blame me for having good taste." He winks at me.

I snort. "Dude, we've grown up together. I've accepted what a pig you are." I hand him another beer, a small smirk on my face. I wink back at him before sitting back down at the table, but I can't ignore the pounding in my chest.

Eddie throws up his hands in mock offense. "Whoa, whoa. I'm not a pig." He takes a swig of the beer I have just passed him. He swallows, and there's a mischievous glint in his eye. "What's wrong, can't handle the truth?" He looks around the table. "I can't be the only one here who thinks you're quite the babe."

Dustin gags. "You guys are disgusting."

Eddies glances over at Dustin. He chuckles, chugging the rest of the second beer. "What's the matter, Henderson, don't like our love?" He's fighting back laughter now. When Dustin looks like he's about ready to punch Eddie in the face, Eddie concedes. "Alright, fine. The joke's over. I'm sorry, bud. Just trying to mess with you a bit." He grins at Dustin, and then at me.

I bite my lip, grinning sideways at Eddie. I wonder vaguely if he's ever thought of me that way.. I mean, we'd been through so much together. And now… with him possibly being a vampire. I don't know. I force myself to look away so I don't get lost in those deep chocolate brown eyes of his.

Eddie smirks at me, apparently noticing me staring. "You alright? You look kind of… distracted." When I don't answer right away, he chuckles low in his throat and sips his beer. "You daydreaming again?" He pauses for a moment, before that devilish smile of his grows. He leans across the table, closer to me, speaking in a lower voice so the others don't notice right away. "Or maybe I've just got you caught in my charm, huh?"

My heart does a flip in my chest. I look away quickly. No. Nope. Not happening. He's your best friend, he's like family. You've known him for ten years. You can't start getting feelings for him now. Nope.

Eddie seems to sense my discomfort, and the smile slides right off his face. "Hey, you okay? What's up?" He's looking at me with those deep brown eyes, and I can feel my body turning into a puddle.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I suddenly slam my hands down on the table, getting to my feet. "Nothing!" I say a bit too loudly and too quickly. Everyone is staring at me. "I'm gonna… I'm gonna go for a walk." I stammer out. "I'll be careful." I add, when Eddie raises an eyebrow at me. "I'll be back." I don't wait for a reply. I just tear out of the house.

"Hey, Joce!" Eddie calls after me "Wait a second!" I can hear him getting up from the table as he follows me outside. "Joce! Wait up! Joce!" He sounds worried.

I keep walking, not looking back. "I'm fine, Eddie, don't worry about it!" My voice is high pitched and nervous. I can't look at him.

"It doesn't sound fine if you're running away!" He shouts behind me. I can hear him following me into the woods. "Joce, talk to me!" There's a pleading in his voice now. "I know something's wrong. What is it?"

I start to slow as I go further into the woods. I come to a stop, and take a deep breath. I really should just talk to him, shouldn't I? I close my eyes for a second, before getting the courage to turn around.

But Eddie isn't there. Someone else is.

Someone who is mostly flesh and tendon and veins. Someone with the most sinister expression on their face. I choke back a scream, as they open their mouth, and speak.

"Jocelyn…"

My blood turns to ice. I step back in horror. "No…" I moan. "No… you're not here. You're not real." I can feel the tears start to fill my eyes, blurring my vision. I squeeze them shut, but when I open them again… it's still there. He's still there.

Vecna. In all his horrific, rotting glory.

When he speaks, I can feel it inside my brain, inside my chest – my soul. "I am real, Jocelyn…" He's walking towards me now. Slowly, deliberately. Like a predator stalking its prey. "It is time for you to join me…" His whisper scratches against my cerebellum like nails on a chalkboard. I can feel my legs starting to seize up. I struggle to break free of the fear.

"No!" I scream, my voice raw as if I had been screaming for years. I turn to run, but find the path behind me is blocked by a sheer cliff face. One that wasn't there moments before. My breath catches in my throat, and I scream again. I start trying to climb, but the rocks keep breaking, and I fall back to the earth with a groan of pain.

"Jocelyn…" I can hear Vecna behind me. I whirl around and see he's mere feet from me now. I let out a strangled cry, stepping backwards, feeling my back press against the cliffs.

"FUCK YOU!" I spit at him. My rage, fear, and hatred all mix into my words as they spew like venom at the abomination.

Vecna hums slightly, but it sounds more like a growl, deep in his core. "You'll join me, Jocelyn, just like Eddie…" At the mention of Eddie's name, I find renewed courage. I square my shoulders.

"Never!" I roar, "Eddie would never join you!" My words echo through the woods. Vecna watches me for a moment, and I suddenly come to the horrible realization that he's smiling.

"He already has, Jocelyn." His words cut into me like thousands of tiny daggers. "You can't save him. You couldn't even save him the first time." Images of Eddie being swarmed by demobats fill my head, and I scream as I hear his screams of agony and torment. "He changed… because of you." Eddie is dying, there is blood everywhere. Dustin is sobbing beside him. "If you had been there to save him, he would still be—"

"SHUT UP!" I scream, slamming my hands over my ears. I am sobbing now. Tears pouring down my face. I don't want to feel this. I don't want to see this. Eddie is fine. He's fine. He's alive. He's not dead. It isn't my fault. "YOU AREN'T HERE! YOU AREN'T REAL!" I shriek, my voice raw; my throat on fire.

I can hear Vecna's chuckle inside my mind, and I start hyperventilating. "Oh, but I am, Jocelyn. I am very real. And I'm here to show you…" I force my eyes open, and I can see he's nearly in front of me now.

"Get away from me!" I sob, trying to back away further, but all I can feel are the sharp rocks of the cliff face.

"You can't save him, Jocelyn." Vecna hisses. His smile is growing wider. He starts to raise his long, clawed hand.

"Shut up!" I wail. My hands are in my hair, and I am pulling on it. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do…

"Joce…"

The voice sends a new wave of fear through me. I look up. It sounds like…

"Eddie…?"

He's standing in front of me. He's covered in blood. His eyes are glowing with a faint yellow glow. The veins under his eyes are black and long like tendrils of smoke. I scream louder than ever before. I can feel the muscles in my jaw threatening to come apart.

"You couldn't save me, Joce." The voice sounds like Eddie's mixed with Vecna's. Cold. Remorseless. Evil. "I'm like this, and it's your fault… you couldn't even tell me how you felt. You couldn't even give me that…" There's blood coming from his eyes now. I can't breathe.

"Stop. Please…" I can feel my knees buckling as I sink to the ground, shaking. I look up, and Eddie is gone, replaced again with Vecna. He's looking down at me with an expression of satisfaction and… pity?

"He doesn't love you, Jocelyn." Vecna says quietly, and I feel my heart begin to shatter in my chest. "He never did. You're deluding yourself. You're nothing to him. You're nothing."

Every word is like a knife in my psyche. I can feel myself slipping. All those years of therapy, of doctors, of psychiatrists. All those times my mother tried to force me to take medication to help me be "normal". I can feel it all coming back. I can feel the despair wash over me, as it always did when I was alone in my room at night, covers over my head, sobbing into my pillow, wishing the pain would stop. Wishing I had the strength to end it.

Maybe… maybe Vecna is right. Maybe I am…

Nothing.

I look up at Vecna, my face stained with tears. He's standing over me. His clawed hand is raised. I know what he's about to do, and I don't have the constitution to stop him. I close my eyes, and wait for death and darkness to take me.

But then, I hear it. It's faint, but unmistakable.

I can hear "Dream On" by Aerosmith.

Vecna pauses. He can hear it too. I look around, struggling to focus in on it. It sounds… slowed, and there's a weird reverb on it, but the song is one I know all too well. I'd made Eddie play it in his van more times than I can count.

"Joce!"

Eddie…? No, that can't be right. Eddie is dead. He isn't here. He's…

"JOCELYN!"

All at once my brain is flooded with memories. All of our memories. Every. Single. One.


"My name's Eddie Munson, what's yours?"

"I'm Jocelyn Harford."

"I guess we're desk buddies, huh, Joce?"

"Guess so."


"Wayne, this is Joce. She's gonna hang out for a bit."

"Nice to meet you, Joce. Keep that door open, Eddie, will ya?"

"Right. Sure."


"Holy shit! You actually bought it!"

"Yup. Finally have my own set of wheels."

"Dude, this is the shittiest van I have ever seen."

"Sure is. But, now I can come harass you whenever you want, Harford."

"You mean whenever you want, right Munson?"

"Are you complaining?"

"Never."


"Well, as fun as it is watching you idiots try to figure out how you're gonna find a sub for Sinclair, I need to get back to work. Enjoy lunchtime, boys."

"See you tonight, Harford?"

"Wouldn't miss it, Munson."


"Eddie, holy shit! You're okay!

"I'm just fine…can't kill me that easy."


"I promise I will never try to hurt you, Joce. Never."


"You're a good friend; much better than this cynical freak deserves."

"Shut up, Eddie."


"You daydreaming again? …Or maybe I've just got you caught in my charm, huh?"


Eddie… He's here. He's calling me.

"Eddie -!" His name catches in my throat. I can feel Vecna's clawed hand coming down towards my face. My world is going dark…

No, no, no, no… It can't end like this.

It can't.

I won't let it.

EDDIE!