A/N: My hands are cramping up. (Thank you for the Follows and Reviews!)


Disclaimer: I own only Jocelyn Harford, nothing of Stranger Things. All rights go to the Duffer Brothers, and Netflix.

With Or Without You

Chapter 7

Livin' on a Prayer


[Eddie]

Ahead of me, Joce suddenly stops. I finally catch up to her. "Jesus, Joce, about time you slowed down. Will you just talk to me – " I move to stand in front of her.

As my eyes land on her face, my heart drops. Her eyes are white, and rolling in her head. She isn't moving, and her face has a vacant expression.

No. God, no. Please. NO!

"Joce! Oh, God, Joce! Can you hear me?" I start shaking her by the shoulders. Her head wobbles side to side, but she doesn't wake. I shake her harder. "Wake up, Joce! Please, wake up!" I'm screaming now. My lungs are on fire.

I hear movement behind Joce, and I look up to see Dustin and Steve come running. I'm dimly aware this means the others have returned.

"Eddie! What's going on? Is Joce ok?" Dustin asks, but as he circles around to face Joce too, he sees her face. "Holy shit…" I can hear the terror in his voice.

"Eddie…" Steve's voice is soft. He looks horrified. Behind him, I can see Robin come running out of the house towards us. "Eddie…" Steve repeats. There's pain in his tone.

"No, this isn't happening again." I roar, shaking Joce roughly by the shoulders. My mind thinks of Chrissy, and I feel like I'm on the verge of blacking out. I won't let this happen again. My face is inches from Joce's. "JOCELYN! Wake up!" Tears are pouring down my face now. She's my best friend. She's everything to me and more. This can't happen. This. Can't. HAPPEN.

A cold chill runs down my spine as I stare into her vacant eyes, my heart dropping to my stomach. I'm helpless. I don't know what to do. I just stare at her, frozen in place.

I shake her again, patting her shoulders and face, a sob escaping my lips as I do. This is so reminiscent of Chrissy, and I hadn't been able to save her. The image of Chrissy's body flat against the roof of my trailer flashes in my mind. The sound of her bones cracking. It's all so clear in my head. But this time, she had Joce's features. Red hair spilling towards the ground, brown eyes rolling in her skull…

"We have to do something!" I scream at Dustin and Steve. "We have to save her! Please!"

"The cassette player!" Steve yells at Dustin. "Go into the house and get it! We should still have everyones' favourite songs in the bag with it." Dustin nods, and races away, while screaming over his shoulder.

"Eddie! What's her favourite song?"

My brain is short circuiting. I can't think. I struggle to focus as I keep my eyes on Joce. "Uh… "Dream On"! Aerosmith!"

"Okay, I'll be right back." Dustin says, "Steve, stay with Eddie. Eddie, you stay with Jocelyn. If she starts floating, pull her back down!" Dustin streaks into the house. After a minute or two, he's back running, holding a cassette player and headphones in one hand, and a cassette in the other.

"Hurry!" I choke out. Dustin shoves the cassette in the player, and hands it to me. I feel sick. I realize I could lose her right here in front of me.

"Joce, can you hear me?" I whisper. She doesn't move. "I'm gonna put these headphones on you, okay? Just stay with me. Please, just stay with me." I take the headphones, placing them over her ears carefully, and turning the volume up. I press play, closing my eyes and praying as I wait for the song to start.

When the music begins, I open my eyes and look into her vacant ones. I stare, desperately hoping that the music will work.

"Come on, come on…" I can hear Dustin whispering somewhere to my right. I can feel him, Steve and Robin watching us. Beyond, I can see everyone else come running out of the house, sprinting towards us.

Panic starts to bubble up inside me like bile. "It isn't working! Isn't this supposed to work?!" I whirl to look at Dustin, my hands still on Joce's shoulders. I look back at her desperately. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Eddie, we're running out of time!" Dustin cries. "Maybe it wasn't her favourite song?"

"No, she said it was… Shit, man, I don't know what to do!" I scream again, and I am starting to lose it. Vecna could kill her at any moment. Any second now, I could have to watch her limbs snap, her eyes bleed, and all the life leave her body…

"Have you tried slapping her?" Dustin asks suddenly. I take a second to look over my shoulder at Dustin, staring at him in disbelief.

"Dude, what is wrong with you?" Steve asks Dustin.

"You have any better ideas?" Dustin demands.

I stare at Dustin, my face somewhere between rage and incredulity. "Is he serious?" I ask Steve, before turning to Dustin. "Are you serious?" Dustin mouths wordlessly, and shrugs helplessly.

I look back at Joce. She is still lost inside Vecna's curse, and I feel like I'm going to throw up. "There's gotta be another way. There has to be…"

And then I know. I know exactly what I have to do.

I don't even hesitate. I move my hands from their position on Joce's shoulders, and down to her arms. I step forward, bend my head, and place my lips against hers.

Behind me, I can hear Dustin. "Oh, wow." He sounds embarrassed.

"Let's… turn around. Give them some privacy." Steve stammers, and I hear them turn around, but I don't care at all. I don't care about anything except Joce.

I continue to kiss her, pulling her close and holding her against me as the kiss intensifies. My face is wet with tears, but I press on, pouring my whole self into the kiss as my heart races faster and faster. My hands find their way to her waist, holding her in place as I press my forehead against hers as I kiss her, holding her so tightly that my knuckles are turning white.

Come back to me, Joce. Please. I can't do this without you.

And then… Her lips start moving against mine. Her hands begin to move, and she slowly wraps her arms around my waist. I pull away immediately, staring down at her. Slowly, her brown eyes open, and they are back to normal.

"Eddie..?" She whispers, confusion written all over her face. "What's… going on?"

The feeling of relief that washes over me nearly makes me pass out. I feel lightheaded. "Oh, God. Oh, Joce, thank God." I pull her into the tightest hug, wrapping my arms around her so tightly I can hear her squeak slightly. It's the best sound in the entire world.

Dustin and Steve both let out sighs behind us. I can hear Robin crying softly. The others have arrived, and everyone is staring at me and Joce. I don't care about them, though. I only care about her. I hold her at arm's length.

"Are you okay?" I ask. I can see a million different emotions are flitting across her face. She looks from my eyes to my mouth, and back up again, and I see a faint blush creep up her cheeks. I also see tears welling in her eyes. She blinks furiously.

"I'm fine." She looks at the others, and the blush in her cheeks deepens. "Maybe we should… go back to the house?"

I know she's lying the moment she says it. She says she's fine, but I can tell she's not. She's trying to hide it - trying to protect herself. I can't blame her - I'd do the same. But my heart pounds a million miles a minute.

I look at the others. Everyone's faces are either relieved, or exhausted. "Alright. Yeah. We should get back to the house." I echo her. Everyone starts to disperse. But, before Joce can walk away, I gently reach for her hand. She stops, and looks back at me. The pain in her eyes is unmistakable. "Are you sure you're okay? Do you want to talk about it? Just me and you?" I try to search her face, but she won't meet my gaze. I can practically hear her heart hammering in her chest.

"I'm fine, Eddie." Her voice is small. I feel my chest ache. I know better than to push her, though.

"Alright, Joce. Whatever you say." I wrap an arm around her, and we walk back to the house.


"Vecna's found us. We can't stay here." Eleven says quietly. "If he was able to possess Jocelyn, he knows where we are."

Joce is sitting on the other side of the room away from everyone. Her knee is bouncing up and down, and she's chewing on her thumbnail. I'm keeping my gaze on her, but she's refusing to meet it. The others have told us that they tried to get to Max in the hospital, but the entire city has been cordoned off. The army has arrived, and they aren't letting anyone through. However, they do know that there are gates everywhere. Small, pocket gates. I wonder if the one in the trailer is still there, and if Wayne is okay. I try not to think about it.

"So, what now?" Will asks softly, his hand resting on the back of his neck. He's pale, and he looks like he might puke.

"I am going into the Upside Down tonight. I have to end this." There's a note of finality in Eleven's voice.

A thick silence falls over the room. Then, there is an outburst of voices, all saying the same thing: "NO!" She isn't listening, however.

"The main gate has opened. It is in the middle of Hawkins. It is… huge." Eleven whispers.

"Right in the middle of town, that's convenient." Steve mutters. "Right behind army lines too, no doubt."

"If Vecna could see Jocelyn, it's only a matter of time before he sends his monsters here." Hopper says, "I'll go into the main gate and —"

"I'm coming." Eleven repeats softly. Before Hopper can disagree, Steve speaks.

"Us, too." Steve gestures to him, Robin, and Nancy. Mike and Will nod in agreement.

"No," says Hopper flatly. "Absolutely not. It's too dangerous." He looks at Eleven. "I hate the idea of you being in danger, but… I know you're our best shot." He wraps his arm around the girl, and she leans into him, tears swimming in her eyes. "The rest of you," he glares at us, "Stay here, out of danger." His eyes flick to Joyce, who looks like she wants to say something, but can't find the words.

"You do realize we'll just go anyway, right?" Says Steve. When Hopper looks at him, he continues. "This asshole has affected all of us. We all have a reason to try to kick his ass. Even if El is the one who has to do the actual killing part, I want to know I got a chance to piss Vecna off."

"I'm coming, too." My voice cuts through the tension like a knife. I don't know what makes me volunteer, but the idea of Vecna ever trying to hurt Joce again, to hurt any of us again… It's too much. This is probably a suicide mission, but…

Joce pales. "What, Eddie, no —" She is staring at me, her eyes huge, and I can see tears glistening in them.

I cut her off, my face full of steely determination. "Joce, he almost killed you. I'm going." I try to hold her gaze, but she looks away.

"Then I'm coming, too." Her voice is barely above a whisper. My mouth falls open. Like hell she is. I start to protest, but Steve cuts me off.

"We can't all go. Someone should stay behind just in case."

"Well, if Hopper is going, Eleven is going. If Eleven is going, Mike is going. If Mike is going, Nancy is going. If Nancy is going, Steve is going. If Steve is going, Robin is going. If Eddie is going, Jocelyn is going –" Dustin rambles.

"Okay, we get the point." Hoppers interjects. "Everyone can't go. It's too much to keep track of.

"We can stay." Jonathan gestures to himself and Argyle, who nods. "We'll stay here in case anything happens.

"Jonathan…" Nancy looks sad, but he doesn't meet her gaze. I don't know Jonathan well, but I know Wheeler, and I can tell something is wrong between them.

Everyone starts to break away to form a plan. From across the room, I see Joce get up, and head outside.

"Joce - hey, wait a minute." I call out, following her outside.

She walks down the steps of the porch, coming to a stop at the edge of the woods. I can see her shoulders are shaking with sobs. I reach out to touch her, but she flinches away.

"Joce…?" I whisper. I come around to face her. I move my hand to her cheek, wiping away the tears. She doesn't flinch this time, but she won't look at me. I try to bend my head to meet her gaze, but she looks away. My heart aches in my chest. "Look at me." I whisper. My voice wavers as I speak. "Just… please, look at me, Joce. Just once." I'm begging now.

"I'm fine." Her voice cracks horribly. "W-we need to get our s-shit together to go kill V-Vecna." She's stammering, something she only usually does when she's really upset.

My heart sinks. "I know. It's just…" I exhale slowly. "You're the most important person in my life, and I would do anything in my power to protect you. Please, Joce, talk to me. Let me in." I'm not normally so open and gentle, even with her, but I can tell she's in pain right now. Under regular circumstances, I'd give her a beer and some weed, and we'd spend the day watching shitty horror flicks, and eating snacks. But, these aren't regular circumstances.

"Eddie, I couldn't even save you from being turned into… whatever you're turning into. I couldn't save you from Vecna." Joce suddenly breaks down completely, sobs wracking her body.

My heart breaks completely at the sight of her sobbing before me. To see her pain, the weight of being unable to protect me. That is something I know all too well. As her sobs shake her frame and her face becomes a mess of tears, I feel my resolve begin to crumble. With that, I bring my arms around her in a hug. My own tears begin to fall as well as the weight of today washes over me. I almost lost her. She almost died. My best friend. My… My…

"V-Vecna told me I'm nothing, Eddie. He told me that… he told me that I'm nothing.. and maybe he's right. Maybe I am nothing. Maybe I should just end it now.." Joce sniffles against my chest, wiping her tears on my jacket.

My head snaps up, and I stare down at her. I hate hearing her talk like this. Joce has already struggled with mental health issues, ever since her parents split up. As soon as we entered Middle School, she had turned to drinking and drugs to help ease the pain. That was partially why I had started selling, just to make sure she could get it from a reliable and safe source. Not that I ever charged her, though. I wouldn't do that to her.

Joce had spiraled a couple of times, one or twice she had almost OD'd at parties, and I had had to bring her back to the trailer and make sure she didn't die. Those nights had been horrific, but I had always done it without complaint. After all, she is my best friend. She had been there for me when my deadbeat Dad had walked out, and when Mom died, and when I had been sent to live with Wayne. Joce had always been there for me, and now… hearing her talk like this… It hurts more than words can ever explain.

"No. No. Don't say that." I pull her closer to my chest as my voice cracks. "Joce, you are not nothing. You are my best friend. You are incredible. You are kind and loving and caring. You are everything to me and so much to everyone else." She tries to pull away, but I hold onto her tighter. "I'm going to lose it if you say those things, Joce. You are so incredible… never believe someone like Vecna." My last new words come out in an almost growl. "Don't ever believe that for a second."

She lets out a small, bitter laugh. "You know what else he told me? He told me I mean nothing to you." Her voice is filled with contempt.

I feel a cold scowl form on my face. "No." I say angrily, squeezing her tighter. "No. Absolutely not, Joce. No." I say, my voice rising. "Vecna is wrong. Dead wrong. You…" I stare down at her. "You mean the world to me… You are the most important person in my life. Please understand that. We all care about you. You matter."

She's quiet for a moment, before she whispers. "Eddie… back there, did you kiss me?"

I freeze - she… she doesn't remember? I feel a pang of disappointment. "Why do you ask?" I ask quietly, trying to sound casual.

She stares up at me. "You brought me back, Eddie. Vecna was going to kill me and you brought me back." She pauses. "By kissing me… Why?"

I panic, and sputter, "You were dying. I… I didn't know what else to do." I can't seem to find the right words. "I… I didn't know what else to do. And so… I kissed you. I… I didn't know what else to do, Joce." Her face is unreadable. "I'm sorry…?" I say it as more of a question than a statement.

Her face darkens. Oh, God. I said the wrong thing. Shit. "I see." Her voice is cold. "Thanks for clarifying." She inhales slowly, before looking up at me, "Did… did you need to feed again? Before we get out of here? You look sick."

I feel a stab of hurt. "Joce…" I say, my voice filled with worry. "You're… okay, right? You know that you're not nothing. You know that's not true. You know that everything Vecna says is a lie. You are strong, and kind…" I reach out and take her by the shoulders again. "Please believe me, Joce."

She pulls away suddenly. "Look, Eddie, do you need to feed or not?" Her voice comes out harsher than I've ever heard it.

I take a second before answering. I have a feeling she won't take no for an answer. But, maybe, if I can get her away from the house and somewhere more private, I can convince her not to do this. It's true, I feel like total and utter shit, and the idea of drinking her blood again fills me with horrific excitement, and I hate myself for it. I know it'll help me feel better, but what kind of friend would I be if I just let her do that after what she just went through?

And yet, the thought of it…

Christ-all-fucking-Mighty, do I ever hate myself. So, I do the only thing I can think of: I lie.

"Yeah. Yeah I do." My answer is quick and soft. A pained look flashes through my features before my eyes settle back on hers. Okay, so it isn't a total lie, but come on. There is zero way in Hell I am doing that again. I'll find an animal or some shit. But, not her. I can't do this to her. Not now. Not ever.

She doesn't meet my gaze. "Okay, good. I'll meet you back at the spot." She turns and walks away into the woods. As she's leaving, Dustin comes out of the house.

"Hey, where's Joce going?" He asks.

I can't bring myself to look at him. "She's feeling a little lost right now." I say. "I'm sure she'll be fine." I begin to follow her into the woods, but before I get very far, Dustin speaks.

"You know, Joce is right. You really are an idiot."

I freeze, whirling around. "What?" I scowl at him. "What did you say…?"

Dustin rolls his eyes. "You know Joce is in love with you, right?"

I suddenly become very aware of all my senses. I stare at Dustin. "...what?"

Dustin stares at me. "Oh, come on, you're not that stupid." When I don't say anything, he lets out an exasperated sigh. "The way she looks at you, the way she reacted when you told her you only kissed her because she was dying… not for any other reason?" He stares at me impatiently.

"You were listening to that?" Is all I manage to mumble.

Dustin looks like he wants to hit me. "Dude."

I clear my throat, angrily looking away. "Henderson, she's my best friend. She's like family." Nope. This is impossible. Nope. No.

Dustin snorts. "Yeah, well, some families are fucked up and fall in love with each other. Besides," he adds, raising an eyebrow at me. "I know you love her, too."

I stare at him for another second, trying to process everything. Joce… loves… me? But, that's… Nope. Not possible. Nope. No. No. Not a chance. There's no way she does, and there's no way I'm in love with her; there's absolutely no fucking…

…way.

It's like a million fireworks go off in my brain. I'm standing there, paralyzed. I can't speak, I can't think, I can't breathe.

Holy. Shit.

Dustin seems to see me struggling. "Don't think too hard there, big guy. You'll fry your brain more than it already is."

I open and close my mouth like a fish out of water. "God… I really am an idiot, aren't I?" Whisper.

"Go tell her how you feel! You might not get another chance!" Dustin urges me.

"I…" My brain is mush in my head. All I can see is Joce's face. It's clear as day. It's always been clear as day.

"I love her. I'm in love with her." The words finally come, and I feel dizzy.

"So go tell her that!" Dustin looks about ready to attack me.

I start to turn, but pause, and look back. "Are you sure?"

"Eddie!" Dustin grabs a rock and throws it at me.

I leap out of the way. "Alright! Jesus! I'm gonna go talk to her." I give Dustin an annoyed look, before hurrying off after Joce.

Behind me, I can hear him muttering to himself. "About fucking time. Jesus Christ, the simplest thing."