I do not own Harry Potter, the Wizarding World, or any canon characters.
Extended Family
Chapter 2 – Snakebite
Takes place after Harry proposed to Katie.
Dedicated to DOOOOOM Lord of Waffles
"How did I not know this street ever existed?" Harry asked.
"You never really had reason to visit I suppose. Everything here is frightfully priced," Andromeda replied.
"What are we doing here then?" he asked, looking nervous.
"Because sometimes you get what you pay for and we are here for something very nice and very expensive," Andromeda said with a smile. "Don't worry love, Sirius sent me here with you and this is a family gift for the wedding."
Harry, Andromeda, and Tonks were walking down Luxurious Street, a branch from Diagon Alley. The change in environment was almost jarring. The plain well-worn cobblestones of the Alley became gleaming marble. The street lights were made of silver. The store fronts had no large eye-catching signs. They did not scream high class, that would be plebian. They oozed it, sneered it. The people that walked up and down the streets wore expensive looking robes and walked as if they had something very stiff inserted up their spines to match stiff expressions.
Tonks slouched down the street, her bright pink mohawk causing everyone to stare at her. She whistled loudly and obviously, "Now this is a posh street," she said and popped her bubblegum.
"Quite," Andromeda said. Once upon a time she would have scolded her daughter for acting this way in public, much less on any street. Now, however, she looked faintly amused and resigned at her behavior. "Easily the most expensive place to shop in all of England. If it's luxurious and expensive, you can find it here."
"What are we getting here?" Harry did a double take at an expensive set of dress robes on display, eyes wide at the cost. "That's more than I make in three games!"
"And ugly to boot," Tonks sniffed.
"Hush now," Andromeda chided them gently but she agreed that the robes were hideous and hideously overpriced. "We're here to get you a family safe. Every household should have one. Portable only to the owner and only those keyed into the wards can open it. Of course, you can get all sorts for much cheaper but one of the oldest masters of artifice operates here and their safes are the best."
"You guys don't need to get me anything-" Harry began to say.
"Keep talking and I'll tell them to make it bubblegum pink and to sing annoying songs whenever you touch it," Tonks warned.
"We know what you mean love," Andromeda laughed at Harry's grimace. "But really, every family should have a very good one and it's something your family will use for generations."
Harry sighed but hugged the two witches tightly. "Thank you," he said instead. "No complaining about the alleged price of your gifts for the next few years then."
"I never complain about that," Tonks said airily.
Andromeda patted his arm but they both knew that the gesture was not a form of agreement, just affection and temporary placation.
Artorious' Artifices was an incredibly impressive establishment. The inside was plain grey stone and various objects sat on plinths. You described what you were looking for and a consultant would see what closely fit the needs and discuss the intricacies and then the price. Everything was essentially custom made increasing the uniqueness and the costs.
Andromeda was a repeat customer so when she walked in, she was immediately approached by a consultant and treated very politely, almost like being served. Harry wandered about and stopped at a metal bracket lying on a pedestal. He looked at it closely, recognizing the feeling of magic it exuded.
"'Caught your eye?"
Harry looked up and smiled at the older wizard who spoke. He wore a short beard that was braided, the brown hair liberally salted and peppered with white and grey. He wore an oddly clean overrobe over a well-worn apron. "Yes Sir," Harry said. "It's lovely. I like the Transfiguration spells on it."
"Oh? What makes you think Transfiguration?" the man asked.
"It feels like it to me. Enchantment charms usually sit on top of the material or surround it while Transfiguration spells are woven through it, or are a part of the material. It feels like it can change shape but the metal is too thin for it to manipulate without some kind of Transfiguration, at least to me."
"Good observation," the man said with a smile. "You're not wrong. What do you think it is?"
Harry thought for a moment. "A lock? The pattern of the front looks very malleable. Maybe making a pattern unlocks whatever it seals?"
"If I didn't know any better, I'd guess your someone trying to figure out the work," the man said. He peered closely at Harry. "But you don't feel like an idea thief."
Harry blushed slightly. "Oh! No not at all, this is my first time here and I'm really fascinated by it all."
"Fascination's good, keeps you from getting bored. How'd you feel it was Transfiguration though? Not many can feel different kinds of magic that easy, especially that school."
"I'm doing a mastery currently in it."
"Excellent! Always like to see young-uns doing masteries. Who's your Master?"
"Mistress McGonagall."
The man roared with laughter. "You're one of Minnie's?! Ah if I knew that I wouldn't have asked you so many dumb questions. That Scottish War-axe is the best and she forces her poor apprentices to her standards. I didn't know she took a new one!"
Harry was very delighted to hear of his Professor and Mistress being spoken of so plainly and respectfully. "Were you one of her students too?"
"Of a sort. I started as a student at Hogwarts years behind her. She had to tutor me and let me tell you, she resented it. I was rather thick. Still am!" he said proudly when Harry laughed. "But I still remember what she taught me and it's a vital part of my work here. One of my grand-children is starting Hogwarts and she loves Transfiguration. I'm hoping she does well and maybe I can convince Minnie to take her on as an apprentice when she's ready."
"She likes proper scotch," Harry grinned.
The man laughed even louder. "I better stock up now! I like you boy. What's your name by the way?" He looked down and noticed Harry wearing his signet ring. "Huh, I thought I knew all the Noble family kids of your age…"
"Dad!" A wizard stepped out of the back, wearing a similar apron. "We really could use your help-" He glanced at Harry and did a double take. "You're Harry Potter!"
Harry flushed. He still got a little embarrassed when people blurted his name out like that. "Uhm, yeah, hello."
"Your catch against Bulgaria was amazing!" the man gushed. "We played the game over the wireless here."
Harry felt much better knowing that was why he was being praised. "Thank you! It was a long game and that Snitch was being really tricky."
"My kids love you!" The man grinned wide with pure joy. "You converted the family into Pride of Portree fans. I didn't know you shopped here!"
"My first time here," Harry said. "It's really nice. I came with…" he looked around for Andromeda and Tonks.
"Oh ho, Mistress Andromeda," the older wizard said respectfully as the two witches came up to Harry. "It's always good to see you."
"Always good to see my gold you mean," Andromeda said with a smile.
"Bah. Black gold is still gold even if the old Blacks were crazy," he said, shocking the others save Andromeda. "I cared seeing you more than the others and that's the truth."
"Oh Arty," Andromeda laughed, "such a flatterer as always."
"Only way I can survive here on Luxurious," Artorious snorted. "Good to see you Andi. And hi little Nymmie!"
"Don't you dare call me that," Tonks said to Harry. "Only old Arty gets away with it." She hugged the artificer.
"How'd you get associated with these reprobates?" Artorious asked Harry.
"Sirius is my godfather and I'm a happy adopted member of the Tonks family," Harry said stoutly.
"Little Siri is being respectable now, is he?" Artorious asked, clearly amused.
"The new Blacks will be much better than the old," Andromeda said proudly.
"That's the best news I've had in years. So what brought you to old Arty's today?"
"Harry's getting hitched!" Tonks said happily, hugging him from behind. "So we need to get Katie a safe to put his jewels in."
Artorius laughed while Andromeda smacked Tonks. Artorious' son chuckled and Harry could only shake his head ruefully.
"Ah well joyous news then! I meet an interesting young man, see an old friend, and get to do what I like. Only this time for better people. Come come. Let's go over the details and I'll give you lot a nice discount." He winked at Harry. "For helping me try to persuade Minnie eventually and if you don't mind signing a thing or two for my grandkids, I'll be cool Grandpa Arty."
"I'd be happy to even without the discount," Harry said.
-0-
"He's a lot of fun," Harry said as they left a while later.
"He's a Master Artificer," Andromeda said with conviction. "He would be happy to just tinker forever but that doesn't pay the bills. I suggested he take the spot here forever ago and he never forgave me for forcing him to work with the Ancient and Noble houses. But with the money he earns he can take care of his family easily and craft endlessly."
As they turned the corner, they ran into another trio of people. Both groups stopped dead, eyes focused on the other.
"Narcissa," Andromeda greeted pleasantly. Her smile was not forced but it was stiff, her eyes wary. She barely nodded at the other two. "Lucius, Draco."
"Andromeda," Narcissa replied, her voice just shy of cool. She barely looked at Tonks, eagerly skipping past the pink mohawk, but her eyes narrowed as she looked at Harry. Lucius did not hide his distaste at seeing any of them and his glare intensified as he looked at Harry. Draco looked away from all of them, subtly moving back behind his parents.
Tonks saw their looks and she shifted, standing in front of Harry. Her hair became long and red as she fingered her wand. Harry steeled himself, feeling relief that Tonks and Andromeda were with him. "Hello Mr. Malfoy, Mrs. Malfoy."
They ignored his greeting.
"I was not aware that you were frequent patrons to this side of Diagon," Lucius said silkily. "It bodes well that Ted is receiving ample work."
Tonks growled deep in her throat. Harry reached out and took her free hand in his, squeezing it softly.
"No one in the family is afraid to work," Andromeda replied smoothly, "and earn what we get."
A muscle twitched in Lucius' face.
"It is good to see that you can continue your patronage here considering recent difficulties," Andromeda continued and her smile was just the slightest bit predatory.
The muscle twitched harder in his face. "Malfoy finances are of no concern of yours, Mrs. Tonks."
"Much like Black finances are of no concerns of yours, Mr. Malfoy."
"Ooh please do it," Tonks whispered eagerly, her voice carrying easily as she watched Lucius' hand twitch towards his wand. "Go for it. Give me a reason. I'm not even on duty right now. Won't need to make it official."
"I see my niece still lacks manners," Narcissa sniffed. She glared at the rude gesture Tonks sent her way.
Andromeda said nothing, just looking pointedly at Draco.
"That is not his fault," Narcissa said angrily. She began to point at Harry and stopped when Tonks' eyes became blood red. "It is his. It is astounding that you were never adequately punished for your crime."
"Well look at that," Tonks said sarcastically. "You have an Auror here. Go on, make a complaint. What crime are you talking about?"
Harry squeezed her hand again. "I regret it happening," Harry said evenly. "I regret my part in it but I don't regret why I did it."
"There! A confession!" Narcissa said.
"You're going to have to try harder than that," Tonks said to her. "Empty words don't work that much anymore and there's not enough gold in the world to bribe me to believe you. Oi, blondie." Draco flinched. "Keep your hands out where I can see them."
"I will not have you threatening my son, your cousin. Do you have no shame?!" Narcissa spat.
"Nope! Also, you said I wasn't a real blood relation when I was little so that shite don't fly with me," Tonks retorted.
"Perhaps you should watch your words," Lucius said oily. "There are many that do not live to regret poor choices of phrase."
The air cooled noticeably and Andromeda stepped in front of her children. She looked directly at Narcissa and Lucius. Her eyes blazed as she looked at the Malfoys, her right hand flexing slightly. "I thought you a clever man once, Lucius. Clever does not mean intelligent however. It seems you forget simple zoology."
"I beg your pardon," Lucius said, confused. Everyone else were confused as well. They looked at Andromeda, unsure of where she was taken the conversation.
"You see, Slytherin is rather unique. There aren't that many different kinds of lions in the world. I think seven or so? Same with badgers and eagles, perhaps eight and twelve respectively?"
"I would not claim to know that," Lucius remarked.
"Where I'm going with this is that in comparison, there are thousands of kinds of snakes. Which is rather ironic isn't it? So many different species of snakes in the one House that is typically so uniform in mindset and behavior."
She took a step forward. "My point is this. A Slytherin should decide on what kind of snake they want to be. Are they the silent predator? Watchful and waiting? Are they the kind that slithers away to hide in deep dark holes? Are they the ones that play dead?" She looked at Lucius in the eye. "I have always known the kind of snake I am. Threaten me and I will ignore you. Threaten mine? I will devour you and spit out your bones."
She lowered her voice. "I do not know if Narcissa ever told you about our younger years. She was the clever and crafty one. Bellatrix was the wild one." She took another step closer. "I was the one that never lost."
Tonks' hair became long and black. Her eyes turned blue. Her features sharpened. "And I'm a badger, I eat snakes, happily," she said with a feral grin. "I'm good at digging them out."
The Malfoys blanched, taking an unsteady step away from the Tonks witches.
"Do I make myself clear?" Andromeda asked.
"Crystal," Narcissa whispered.
"I'm glad we had this meeting then," Andromeda said cheerfully. "Don't let us hold you back on your errands then." She stood and smiled as the Malfoys left without a second glance. Her fake smile faded as they left and she sighed deeply as she watched her sister leave.
Harry and Tonks hugged her hard from either side and she breathed deep as she felt them squeeze her. She relished their warmth for a moment before patting their arms. "Thanks loves," she said softly. "Let's get out of this street before it makes me angrier."
They walked slowly down Diagon Alley. Andromeda was lost in thought and Harry and Tonks looked at her worriedly. After some whispered planning, they took Andromeda to the Leaky Cauldron and sat at a booth together in the back.
"She wasn't always like that," Andromeda finally said. "Well, she was always a little too involved with herself. I always said she was well named. She used to be such a good little sister. Helped Bella on her wilder days."
She blinked slowly. "She blamed me you know. Said when I left and abandoned the family to be with Ted, it was all my fault how she and Bella turned out."
"That's the deepest bucket of shite I've heard in a long time and I work with Dawlish who brags about everything," Tonks said angrily.
"Same and literally every other professional Quidditch player lies about their best catches and goals and stuff," Harry said heatedly.
"Oh I know. It's just, one wonders what might have happened if I stuck it out." Andromeda sighed wearily. "I don't regret a second of it. I was so happy to meet Ted and be his wife. I don't miss being one of the old Blacks." She shook her head. "Sometimes though, I miss my little sisters. How they were anyways."
Harry tried to bring her spirits up by smiling. "You can always pick new ones. I've been lucky in finding Dora and Hermione and Luna."
Tonks threw her arm around Harry, turning her eyes green and her hair black and messy. The two smiled wide at Andromeda who laughed heartily.
"No you're right. In fact you've helped in that regard. Sammi and I will be sisters in marriage and I have come to really like Jean. I would have never met her if were not for you and Hermione." She leaned across the table and hugged her two loves. "Thank you," she said softly and tearily.
"Love you Mum," Tonks said.
"Love you MumAndi," Harry said.
"I love you two both so very much." She sat back and dabbed at her eyes. "I'm feeling peckish. How does having lunch here sound?"
"Oh I'll go order and get something for us!" Tonks wriggled out of the booth and soon returned with three glasses. "Ordered a fish and chips for you two, and a shepherd's pie for me."
"What's this?" Harry asked, taking a glass.
"I thought it was appropriate for us right now. It's called a snakebite! It's cider and lager."
"Dora, it's barely the afternoon," Andromeda protested.
"I don't have work until the day after tomorrow, neither do you, and Harry is in the off season. What's the harm?"
Andromeda and Harry looked at each other and then Andromeda smiled and shrugged. "Very well! What's the harm indeed. To family!"
"To family!" Harry and Tonks cheered and clinked their glasses.
-0-
Ted could not stop chuckling. "How…how did this happen again?" he asked, his smile splitting his face wide.
Andromeda was lying on the couch. Even drunk and passed out she looked regal and composed though her hair was not tied up in her usual immaculate bun. Tonks was sprawled on the ground making incoherent noises while her hair slowly shifted in color and style.
Katie had a smile that matched Ted's and she was laughing without any reservations. She was trying to be sympathetic, rubbing Harry's back but her hand was shaking so much she was patting him. Harry looked queasy and was trying to drink a potion. "We uh," he hiccupped, "were at Diagon and Luxurious and ran into the Malfoys. Words were said so we went to the Leaky for lunch. Dora got us drinks and never stopped."
"I got a Patronus message from Harry," Katie laughed. "The poor lioness was drunk too! He begged me to come help."
"Pretty sure I said save me," Harry grinned weakly.
"Aunt Andi said not to Grimmauld 'cause she wouldn't hear the end of it before she passed out," Katie snickered. "And we didn't know how to get to your home so we came to our flat. I had to apparate everyone side-along!"
That broke Ted's self-control and he roared with laughter. "It's been so long since I've seen Andi like this," he guffawed. "And I don't think I've seen Dora this drunk, thank goodness. I'm sorry you two."
"I'm sorry I couldn't stop them," Harry said, suppressing a burp.
"I'm not sorry at all. This is amazing! I can't wait to tell Mum!" Katie giggled.
"I'll take my drunken wife with me then," Ted grinned. "I'll be back to get Dora after."
"You can leave her here," Katie said. "We'll take care of her. I'm going to prank her tonight and want to see the results when she wakes up."
Ted thanked them and promised to see them tomorrow, apparating away while holding Andromeda securely in his arms. By then Harry felt tipsy instead of incredibly inebriated and helped put Tonks onto the couch with Katie transfiguring her clothes into sleepwear, covering her with a blanket.
"How much did you drink?" Katie asked with glee.
Harry guzzled more water. "I lost count after the second shot and that was after the second glass. Did you know that a snakebite can be a full drink and a shot?"
"You lot weren't so drunk that you couldn't tell the difference between a glass and a shot," Katie said with disbelief.
"I said it didn't look right," Harry protested, blushing and laughing. "But MumAndi and Dora weren't caring at that point." He tottered over to her and sat in her lap, nuzzling her. "Thank you for coming and helping. I knew I couldn't do it myself."
"Anytime! This was a treat to see them like that." She smiled and hugged him close. "I love drunk Harry. He's so clingy and affectionate."
"Aren't I usually?" he teased.
"True but when you're drunk it's funnier." Katie laughed. "Do you think any reporters were there? I bet there will be a big story tomorrow. 'Quidditch Star, Auror, and Healer get drunk and tear up pub! Public nuisances!'"
"We didn't tear it up," Harry laughed. "I'm pretty sure Hannah kept giving us free drinks after a bit. Thank goodness Ron wasn't there or I'd never hear the end of it."
"I want go out carousing with you lot the next time it happens."
"Sounds good to me. I'll be the designated sober person and take care of you lot." Harry shook his head. "I thought MumAndi was going to drink me under the table."
"Aunt Andi?! Really?"
"Oh yeah. Dora passed out first."
-0-0-0-
FanfictionFanGirl59 - I'm glad you did, it came out much sillier than I anticipated and liked it a lot.
diffident-serpiente - I've had some strange error on PC lately with ffn. Like my two newest stories kept disappearing and I don't get emails for reviews. I'm glad you still enjoy the setting and universe.
DOOOOOOM Lord of Waffles - Hope you like todays for obvious reasons.
alix33 - Breakfast is best fast.
yogibears - Yeah Alicia really shone as her gremlin style character in this chapter. I did a bit of research for appropriate Muggle horror movie stories at that time frame and was glad Freddy and Jason was so readily available.
Imaginer.012 - It was really nice to see the original team together again and write for them. The medic line and the trainee healer line was some of my favorite parts. It was that delightful amount of absurd and I was happy with the flow of the dialogue. "She's a witch" was my favorite bit in the whole chapter.
BlackjaxCXXIII - I felt that way when I started writing it. It's been a while since I wrote the original team together and it was really nice to see them act silly and unconcerned with things. I've gotten really attached to this version of them.
Vicky Lopez - Thank you so much.
