Disclaimer: I do not own The 10th Kingdom. This is merely a fanfiction.
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"You know, had you just listened to your daughter we would've been in the Sixth Kingdom by now!"
Wolf was highly irritated that day. The sun rose hot in the forests of the Second Kingdom. Virginia held her belly, sweating and irritable herself from the strain of pregnancy. Tony waddled behind them, his body swollen from the witch's spell. A rope was clasped in his meaty fingers, attached to Fiona's neck, pulling the she-wolf along. She snarled and snapped every so often and stumbled as though drunk over rocks. Bringing up the rear, making sure Fiona didn't try anything, was Prince.
"How many times can I say I'm sorry?!' Tony was past his breaking point, his swollen cheeks dripping with sweat. "Virginia, back me up -."
Virginia whirled around and was walking backwards. "Back you up on what, Dad? Not listening me? Breaking a promise – a pinky promise? And how many spells does this make in a month that you've been put under? First toads, then this – what are you gonna do for an encore, prick yourself on the Devil's Thorn and go to sleep for a hundred years?!"
Tony rubbed his belly and burped. "At least no more toads …" He jerked the rope. "Come on, you!" Fiona stumbled forward, her jaw clicking. She snarled.
"If you would just take this infernal rope off my neck, I can -."
Tony smiled sarcastically. "Not a chance." He looked up ahead. "Uh, Wolf, how much further to the Sixth Kingdom?"
"We'd be there already if I didn't have to find a De-Juicer!"
"A Who?"
"He'll press all that flab and goo out of you so you'll be back to your normal weight."
"Press?!"
"Huff-Puff, but I'm lost!" Wolf spread his arms, spinning in circles. "We passed that tree an hour ago!"
Tony scoffed. "What's the matter, your wolf-sense not picking up the Sixth Kingdom trail?"
Wolf whirled around. "I've had just enough out of you, fatty!"
"Fatty? You want a piece of me?"
"Sure, why not? There's plenty to go around!" Wolf snarled in Tony's face, his eyes wide and mad.
Virginia pressed herself between her fiancé and her father. "Everyone, just calm down." She noticed that Fiona had perked up at the argument, licking her lips. Her eyes had the same mad look that she saw in Wolf … the same look he had had in the Little Lamb Village. "Wolf …" she asked slowly. "You're not going through your … erm … cycle, are you?"
Wolf scratched at his ear. "That's right, I forgot. Full moon in a few nights. I can already feel it coming on. Sorry Tony, you know how this time of month gets to me."
"Sounds like a personal problem." Tony sighed. "That's okay, we'll just have to bind you up to a tree or something at night."
Virginia stopped short. "Yeah – but what about -." Her eyes fell on Fiona, who was staring at her ravenously, a hungry smile on her face …
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"So how do we find a De-Juicer out here in the middle of nowhere?" Tony demanded as he dragged Fiona along.
"Used to be back in the olden days there were plenty of them," Wolf remarked. "Because of all the witches in the woods fattening people up. They used to make quite a killing, the De-Juicers. Now, not so much."
"Why's that?" Virginia asked, overhearing the conversation.
Wolf knelt down, sifting blades of grass with his hand. "They were outlawed by Gretel the Great. It's … not a pleasant experience. A lot of the De-Juicers actually were in cahoots with the witches. The witches would fatten people up, they'd pay big dollars to get the spell taken off and then the De-Juicer and the witch would split the profits. Ruined things for the decent, honest De-Juicers."
"Well that's great – if they're outlawed how are we gonna find one?" Tony demanded.
Wolf smiled as he picked up a small stone. "Breadcrumbs. They have ways of being found for those who really want to." He tossed the stone to Tony who nearly missed it. Wolf was on his feet, his nose twitching. He suddenly sprinted, heading for a tree. Virginia kept pace behind him.
"Wolf -."
"And another one!" Wolf held up another stone between his fingers. "Think fast Tony!" He chucked it hard at Tony and sprinted off through the trees. "And another one!"
"Wolf – slow down!" Virginia protested.
Wolf sprang through a series of bushes – and in the clearing was an old gingerbread house. Tony wrinkled his nose as he dragged Fiona along. "A gingerbread house … isn't that where witches usually hide out in?"
"Usually," Wolf admitted. He held up another seeker stone. "But in this instance, I think we've found what we're looking for. Come on, gramps – time to de-juice you."
Tony wrinkled his nose. "And what exactly does that entail?"
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Wolf grabbed Fiona by the shoulders and slammed her into a tree trunk. She smiled drunkenly. "You know I like it rough …"
Wolf's eye twitched. "That's enough out of you." He huffed as he bound her with thick ropes. "We're gonna make it so you don't go anywhere while we talk to the De-Juicer." He turned to the golden retriever sitting next to him. "Prince – make sure she stays put."
Prince got up on his hind legs and barked once.
"Good boy! Alright Tony – you ready?"
Tony sighed. "You mentioned the process is unpleasant …?"
"Yes, for the De-Juicee. For the spectators it's one heck of a show!" And with that, Wolf knocked three times on the front door of the gingerbread house.
"Who knocks at the gilded gate?" came a voice from inside the house.
Wolf cleared his throat. "One who has eaten the gingerbread and tasted its bready mysteries," he recited. He shrugged back at Virginia. "That's the passcode they all use."
She raised an eyebrow. "How do you know the De-Juicer passcode?"
"I only got put under a witch's swelling spell once!" He lowered his eyes ashamed. "Okay twice. Okay, five times. Seven, a total of seven times."
The door creaked open. No one was there. Well – no one at eye level. Wolf, Virginia and Tony looked down to see a three-foot tall gingerbread man beaming up at them with gumdrop eyes and buttons.
"Gingerbread butler," Wolf remarked quietly. "Very popular in these parts."
The gingerbread butler eyed them up and down. He stared at Tony. "I take it you're the one who needs to see the De-Juicer. Right this way." And he gestured politely with his cookie arm. The trio entered the house and found themselves in a small foyer. "The De-Juicer will be with you in a moment."
Tony reached down and snatched off a gumdrop button from the butler's chest and swallowed it whole. "Sorry," he muttered. "Swelling spell – I can't stop eating."
"Please refrain from eating my gumdrop buttons," the butler sighed in exasperation. "Sit down – my master will be along shortly."
Bowing, he backed into a room. They heard the butler talking with someone in another room; the other person cursed at the butler, threw something and the butler returned with his candy eyes downcast. "The De-Juicer is not seeing anyone at the moment. Please come back in one month."
Tony's eyes bulged. "A month! Look at me! I'm swelling by the minute! I can't stop eating!"
Virginia was not having it. "Tell your master that if he doesn't see us now, my Dad here will devour the entire gingerbread house in five minutes flat."
"I'm sorry, I'm under strict orders -."
"Listen to me you pompous, cardboard tasting, flat-butted confectionary excuse for a cookie! Tell your master we need to see him – NOW!" Wolf's shouting shook the house and pieces of cookie dropped from the ceiling. "Sorry," he muttered sheepishly. "It's my time of month approaching, I get a little emotional."
The butler sighed. "I'll fetch him at once -."
"No need. All the whole of the Nine Kingdoms could hear that racket." Another figure appeared in a doorway – similar in height to the butler and wearing a hood with a golden face mask.
"You must be the De-Juicer," Wolf said, bowing.
The De-Juicer stared at them. "You know, I wasn't going to take any new clients. But for some old chums -." He removed his mask and everyone's face dropped in shock.
"Acorn!"
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Acorn the Dwarf poured mugs of beanstalk juice, handing them out to his visitors. "Just took up De-Juicing a month ago," he explained. "Traveled here from the east after we met at the Swamp Witch's home. Place gave me the willies. Took up the practice from an older retired gent – even lent me his butler for my own use." Acorn gave a toothy smile. "Great way to lay low – doing somethin' illegal right under everyone's nose."
"Why were you so reluctant to see us?" Virginia asked as she sipped the grog. She sputtered at the taste.
"Had to make sure it was really you," Acorn shrugged. "It coulda been anybody wearing your faces."
"Right," Tony said. "Can you help me?"
Acorn slid off his chair and circled Tony, observing him, rubbing his chin. "I s'pose it won't be too difficult. Yeah, it's yer typical swelling spell. I'll get the presser ready."
"P-presser?" Tony asked.
"Normally I'd charge a pretty penny – but seeing as you all were so nice as to not turn me in in the swamp – no charge! Besides, I owe you for all that mirror business." He clapped his hands. "Let's started – it's no easy process and it'll take a while."
"How long?" Tony asked.
"All night."
"I was afraid you'd say that."
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Acorn led Tony and the others into a back room. There, in the center, was a large wooden bed. Above was what appeared to be a giant mallet hanging from the ceiling. "Alright Tony, lie down." Acorn rubbed his hands together in excitement.
"I – are you sure this thing safe?"
"You doubt me?"
"I – er …"
Acorn shrugged. "Fine, if you want to always be hungry all the rest of your days and get larger than a house and need to have ten horses to move you out of your bed, be my guest. Go on then."
Tony lowered his head dejectedly. "Fine …" He slowly lay down on the wooden bed. Suddenly, Acorn sprang up next to him, grabbing leather straps and binding Tony's wrists and ankles to the bed.
"Is this really necessary?" Tony was freaking out.
"Trust me – you'll need restraints."
Virginia raised a hand. "I don't think I want to see this. I'll be outside with Prince keeping an eye on Fiona. Coming, Wolf?"
Wolf was rubbing his hands greedily. "And miss Tony being de-juiced! You must be mad, woman!"
"Okaaay, then have fun."
She turned and exited the door. Tony looked up at Acorn, who was now wearing a surgeon's mask over his face. "Just relax Tony. You won't feel a thing – at least until the mallet starts pressing."
"What?!"
"Now this may hurt a lot!"
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Virginia shuddered as she heard the screams come from inside the house. She scratched Prince's ears and sat on a rock. Night had fallen and the moon was waxing bright above them between the tree lines.
"Full moon soon," came a voice next to her. She looked up to see Fiona, still tied to the tree, grinning at her.
Virginia hugged her knees, staring ahead. "I'm going to ignore you now."
"You know what happens during a full moon. How do you hope to control me?"
"We'll think of something."
Fiona's head was tilted, as though she were a small child observing something fascinating. "More importantly – how will you control Wolf?"
Virginia continued staring ahead. She remembered the occasion during the last full moon at the Little Lamb Village. She had tied Wolf up as tightly as she could – and he had still broken free. Ransacked a whole hen house while he was at it. Fiona was right – how could they control two wolves?
Pretending to be aloof, Virginia picked up a stone and chucked it. "I'm not worried. Wolf would never hurt me."
"In his normal state – no. But when the moon is bright and round – what then? He won't even recognize you. And more than that – what will he do with me?"
Virginia's head snapped. "What do you mean?"
Fiona's smile was diabolical. "His pure wolf instinct will take over. Reason will be gone. Only the desires of a wolf will remain. To bound, to hunt, to kill – and even more. The blood runs hot. And with another wolf – a female wolf – raging in the blood … available and ready for him … what will you do then?"
"Wolf would never –"
Fiona chuckled. "You'll see. When the cards are down, when the moon waxes – no matter how trained and refined an animal is – a wolf is still a wolf …"
Virginia stood up. "I'm not listening to this."
She walked away through the woods, wrapping her light jacket tightly around herself. She shuddered. Not because she was cold …
But because she knew, deep down, that Fiona was right.
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"Alright – we're proud to announce the New and Improved Tony. Well his old self. I couldn't improve him much."
The door to the gingerbread house swung open. Virginia was lying outside on the cold grass. She slowly raised her head.
Fiona was still tied to the tree, Prince dutifully watching her and baring his teeth at each movement of her head. Scratching her head, Virginia looked up to see that the sun had risen already. "Morning …?" she muttered.
Acorn stood in the doorway of the gingerbread house with his butler. He stepped aside to reveal – Tony – back to his normal size. Wolf was behind him, chuckling. "You should've heard him screaming," Wolf laughed.
"I may not sit down for a year," Tony admitted. "But wow – Acorn works wonders! Look at me – I may be even thinner than before! No more swelling spell! Acorn – I take back everything I ever said about you!"
Acorn's eyes narrowed. "Why? What did you say about me?"
"Nothing, nothing."
Acorn pointed down the forest path. "Now keep straight on this path. It'll take you directly to the Sixth Kingdom. And be sure to stay out of sight. The rumors are flying around these woods. The Snow Queen is reaching further into the Second Kingdom's borders. They say her spies are abroad, even in these very woods."
Virginia pecked the dwarf on the cheek. "Thanks for everything, Acorn."
"Don't mention it. Actually – do mention it. To King Wendell. See if he'll give me a royal pardon for helpin'. See – I don't do nothing for free."
"Sure thing, Acorn." Virginia gave him a warm hug.
The dwarf leaned in, his eyes shifting, his voice a whisper that only Virginia could hear. "And another warning – watch out for that female wolf. It's not just 'cause the full moon is coming either – there's something off about her. She's … evil."
"Noted," Virginia agreed.
"Oh, and when you guys confront the Snow Queen – make sure you get in a punch or two from me," he chuckled.
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Tony ran down the forest lane, whooping. "I feel fantastic!"
Sweat was trickling down Wolf's face. "Glad somebody is," he muttered. His tongue hung out, panting. His eyes were bloodshot.
Virginia stared at him. He was already feeling the effects of the coming full moon. She turned as she held Fiona's rope, dragging the she-wolf along. Her eyes met Fiona's.
Fiona gave her a knowing smile, nodding and silently laughing at the coming predicament …
